Blithe Spirit 1956 Live TV Theatre (Lauren Bacall, Claudette Colbert, Noel Coward, Mildred Natwick)

alive in full color from hollywood [Music] 4 star jubilee presents lauren bacall claudette colbert noel coward in white spirit by noel coward also starring mildred netwick with brenda forbes philip tong marion ross [Music] now you'd better fetch the ice bucket listen yes edith madame mccarty mrs bradman and i will have our coffee in here after dinner and mr condamine and dr bradman will have theirs at the dining room is that quite clear yes sir and it is when you're serving dinner try to remember to do it calmly and methodically yes as you are not in the navy it isn't necessary to do everything at the double very good now get the ice yes not at a run leader yes not yet no ice oh it's coming it's coming i have been trying to discourage edith from being quite so free to foot you mustn't mind if everything's a little slow motion to know i need to put it down that's right thank you a dry martini i think don't you yeah i expect marcotti will want something sweeter well we'll have this one for ourselves anyway i have a feeling that this evening's going to be off it'll probably be funny but not awful now look you was promised not to catch my eye if i giggle and i'm very likely to it'll spoil it but you mustn't you must be dead serious and if possible a little intense you know we can't hurt the old girls feelings however fun issues but darling why the bradman's he's just as skeptical as we are and he'll probably say the most dreadful i warned him there must be more than three people it couldn't be the vicar and his wife eh because they're dreary and b because they wouldn't have approved at all no had to be the bradman's here try this oh it's lovely dry as a boat to the unseen i must say that's a wonderful title if this evening's a success i shall start straight in on the first draft tomorrow morning charles tell me was out there a big help to you when you were thinking something out i mean oh every now and then when she concentrated but didn't concentrate very often i wish i'd known her how many of you have liked her oh i'm sure i should the way you talk of her she sounds enchanting poor alberta does it still hurt when you think of her no not really sometimes i almost wish it did i feel rather guilty i wonder if i died before you'd grown tired of me if you'd forget me so soon what a horrible thing to say no i think it's interesting well again with i haven't forgotten albert i remember her very distinctly indeed i remember how fascinating she was and how maddening i remember how badly she played all games and how cross she got when she didn't win i remember her gay charm when she'd achieved her own way over something and her extreme acidity when she hadn't i remember her physical attractiveness which was tremendous and her spiritual integrity which was nil you can't remember something that was new i remember how morally untidy she was was she more physically attractive than i am very tiresome question dear and fully deserves the wrong answer you're really very sweet thank you i love you my love i know you do but not the wildest stretch of imagination could describe it as the first fine careless rapture would you like it to be good heavens no wasn't that a shade too vehement oh we're neither of us adolescent we've neither of us led exactly prim lives have we and we've both been married before careless rapture at this stage would be a little embarrassing i do hope i haven't been in any way a disappointment to you dear i don't be idiotic well after all your first husband was a great deal older than you wasn't you know i shouldn't like you to think that you'd missed out all along the line charles there are moments when you go too far there you go again as i think i mentioned before i love you my love poor elvira yes she certainly had a great talent for living it's a pity she died so young that remark is becoming monotonous poor child then that's better and later on poor ruth thanks you know you have no faith sometimes dear i think you should really try to have a little more faith listen i was devoted to willabilia we were married for five years she died i missed her very much since then i have now with your help my love risen above the whole situation but if tragedy should darken our lives i still say with prophetic foreboding poor ruth that's the bad ones it might be madame carter no i heard the car she'll come in her bicycle she always goes everywhere on her bicycle oh well that's very spirited of the old girl shall i go or should we let edith have her fling wait and see what happened perhaps you didn't hear she's probably on one knee in a pre-sprinting position waiting for cooked rope at the kitchen door good evening edius good evening [Music] past coming down the hill i said i thought it wasn't she won't be long i'm so glad you were able to come oh we've been looking forward to it i feel really quite excited by all means i guarantee that violet will be good i made a promise there wasn't any need i'm absolutely thrilled i've only seen that in marcotte two or three times in the village i mean i haven't seen her do anything at all peculiar she certainly is a very strange woman you know there's only a chance to remark of the vicars that made me realize she was psychic at all then i began to make inquiries and apparently she's been a professional in london for years it's funny isn't it i mean anybody doing it as a professional i believe it's very lucrative but she must believe it herself mustn't you or is the whole business of faith i suspect the worst a real professional charlatan that's what i'm hoping for anyhow you see the character i'm planning for my book must be a complete imposter that's one of the most important factors of the whole story what exactly are you hoping to get from oh jargon principally a few of the tricks of the trade doctor have you ever tended her professionally i mean yes she had influenza in january she's only been here a little over a year you know i must say she was singularly unpsychic then i always understood she was an altruist oh yes we originally met as colleagues at one of mrs wilmot's sunday evenings in sandy what sort of books does she write two thoughts rather whimsical children's stories all about enchanted woods filled with highly conversational flora and fauna an enthusiastic biography of minor royalties very reverent sentimental and extremely funny yeah she is she knows doesn't she about tonight i mean you're not going to spring it on oh yes so it was all discussed last week and arranged i told her how profoundly interested i was in anything to do with the occult and she blossomed like a rose you know i'm really quite nervous though i'm going to make a speech [Applause] how nice of you to come all this way my dear madame carter i'm afraid i'm rather late but i had a sudden presentment i was going to have a puncture so i went back to fetch my pump and then of course i didn't have a puncture at all never mind perhaps you will on the way home dr bradman the man with the gentle hands i'm delighted to see you looking so well this is my wife oh we're old friends we meet coming out of shops would you like a cocktail if it's a dry martini yes if it's a concoction no experience has taught me to be very wary of concoctions it was wonderful cycling through the woods this evening i was deafened with birdsong it's been lovely all day but the evenings the time mark my words cheers cheers don't you find a tiring bicycling everywhere on the contrary it stimulates me but the hills mata marcotti pushing up those awful hills neck down with your head up with your heart and you're over the top like a flash and skimming down the other side like a dragonfly this is the best dry martini i've ever certainly you're a very clever man anybody can write books but it takes an artist to make a dry martini that's dry enough are you writing anything nowadays oh every morning regular as clockwork seven till one is it a novel or a memoir it's a children's book i have to finish it by the end of october to catch the christmas sales it's mostly about very small animals the hero is a morse beetle i had to give up my memoir of princess paliatini because she died last april i talked to her about it the other day and she implored me to go on with it but i you really to her about it the other day yes it's through my control of course she sounded very irritable it's funny isn't it to think of people in the spirit world being irritable i mean one could hardly imagine it can work well we have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one have we don't economy how can you didn't i serve mom thank you edith shall we no red meat i hope oh there's meat but i don't think it'll be very red would you rather have an egg or something no thank you it's just that i always make it a rule never to eat red meat before i work sometimes has an odd effect what sort of thing oh nothing of the least important if it isn't very rare it won't matter much anyhow we'll risk [Music] [Applause] [Music] it [Applause] do you always have a child as a control yes they're generally the best some mediums prefer indians of course but personally i've always found them unreliable no children are really the most satisfactory daphne has worked with me for years man makari tell us when did you first discover you had these extraordinary powers when i was quite tiny my mother was a medium before me you know so i had every opportunity of starting in on the ground floor as you might say i i had my first trance when i was four years old and my first ectoplasmic manifestation at five and a half what an exciting day that was i forever of course the manifestation itself was very small very short duration but for a child of my tender years it was most gratifying your mother must have been so pleased she was i wish the man would hurry up i'm terribly excited please don't be it makes everything much much more difficult well marcotti time is drawing near it may be receding i do hope you're feeling the mood mad about god it isn't a question of mood it's a question of concentration oh and you must forgive us for being impatient we can perfectly easily wait if you're not quite ready to stop nonsense my dear i'm absolutely ready off to work we go is there anything you'd like us to do i mean hold hands or anything all that will come later first a few deep deep breaths of fresh air oh you may talk if you wish it will not disturb me in the least the moose was a bit aesthetical there but the dinner i said that cuckoo is very angry listen how can you tell tam no moon well that's as well i think there's a mist rising from the marshes there's no need for me to light my bicycle lamp is there i mean no one's have to fall over it oh no we're not expecting anybody else good night you foolish bird yes we thought this one would do no no i think the one that has the coffee on it will do better oh changeover you told me this we didn't want to be disturbed yes darling oh this is a moment i always hate are you nervous oh yes when i was a girl i always used to be sick how fortunate you grew out of it mr tummy tucked the scene for his suffering i've always despised that because it doesn't rhyme at all daphne loves it who's daphne that is where my card is controlled she's a little girl how old is she almost seven when she died when was that february the 6th 1884 poor little thing she must be a bit long in the tooth by now i should think you should think dr bradman but i'm afraid you don't at least not profoundly enough do be quiet jojo put madame our county on don't worry my dear i'm quite used to skeptics now will you all please sit around the table and place your hands downwards on it and what about the light all in good time mr condomine sit down please fingers should be touching i presume that this is the gravel yes it's not an electric one would you like me to start it for you please stay where you are i can manage now what have we here wrong so do you know enough too florida so where is the dance music oh they're the loose ones on the left there i'm afraid that none of them very new daphne is really more attached to irving berlin than anyone else she likes a tuned chicken hum here's one always always sit down charles what's the matter uh nothing nothing at all no the light switch is by the door yes all except the smaller on the desk and the grandmother very well i understand fingers should be touching george remember what medevac said no of course i cannot guarantee that anything will happen at all daphne may be unavailable she had a head cold recently and was rather under the weather poor child on the other hand a great many things might occur one of you might have an emanation for instance or we might contact a poltergeist which would be extremely destructive and noisy in what way destructive they throw things you know oh no i didn't know about we must cross that bridge when we come to it fortunately an elemental at this time of the year is most unlikely what do elementals do my dear one can never tell are extremely unpredictable usually they take the form of a very cold wind i don't think i shall like that so occasionally reaching almost hurricane velocity don't you think it would be a good idea to take the more breakable ornaments off the metal piece before we start that really won't be necessary mrs connery i flatter myself i have my own methods of dealing with elementals i'm so glad are you ready to empty your minds you mean we're to try to think of nothing absolutely nothing dr bradman concentrate on a space or a nondescript color that's really the best way i'll do my best good work start the music [Laughter] oh dear white [Music] is there anyone there is there anyone there one wrap for yes two wraps for no now then is there anyone there is that you daphne oh you're cold better dear i'm so sorry are you doing anything for it raged rather fretful now is there anyone there who wishes to speak to anyone here oh now we're getting somewhere oh no daphne dear don't do that you're hurting me deafness now you say there is someone there who wishes to speak to someone here is it me is it dr bradman is it mrs bradman is it mrs connaby stop it behave yourself is it mr cognadine there's someone who wishes to speak to you mr condomine tell him to leave a message [Music] not to be flippant i'm sorry it just slipped out do you know anyone who has passed over recently well not recently except my cousin in the civil service and he would hardly be likely to wish to communicate with me we haven't spoken for years are you mr condomine's cousin in the civil service maybe they've drawn a blank but don't you think of anyone else wreck your brains it might be old mrs plummet you know she died on whit monday i can't imagine why old mrs plummett should wish to speak to me we had very little in common it's worth trying anyhow are you old mrs plummett she was very deaf perhaps you'd better shout are you old mrs plummet no one there at all how disappointing just as we were getting on so nice silent be quiet i'm afraid there's nothing for it but for me to go into a trance i had hoped to avoid it because it's so exhausting however what must be must be excuse me while i turn on the gramophone again not always please don't play always why not y'all don't be absurd i'm afraid i must it would be imprudent to change horses in mid-stream oh twitter pick it up or leave it where it is how the devil do i know there's no need to snap at me leave it where it is who said that who said what somebody said leave it where it is don't be silly darling but i heard a distinctly well nobody else did did they i never heard a sound it's you ruth you're playing tricks i'm not doing anything of the sword i haven't uttered good evening ventriloquism that's what it is ventriloquist what's the matter with you you must have heard that what do you mean to sit there solemnly and tell me none of you heard a thing i certainly didn't neither did i wish i had i'd love to hear something now look it's you are playing the tricks you're acting to try to frighten me i'm not i swear i'm not it's difficult to think of what to say after seven years but i suppose good evening is as good as anything else who are you elvira of course don't be silly i can't stand this another minute get up everybody please oh here's the 10 minutes oh charles how tired you just thought we were getting to enjoy our holiday i think we better leave her alone oh no she might be like that for hours she's out all right around it's dangerous to leave her like that charles you're behaving very peculiar wake up madame cartie wake up madame carpenter take it easy old man get us some brandon give us a break get into the chair he'll play back and i'll talk about the arms oh wake up wake up please well that's that are you all right certainly i am well what happened was it satisfactory well nothing happened after you went off oh something happened all right i can feel it no poltergeist at any rate that's a good thing any apparitions not a thing no ectoplasm i'm not quite sure what that is but i don't think so that's very curious i feel as though something tremendous had taken place charles pretended he heard a voice in order to frighten her well it was only a little joke very poor one if i may say so nevertheless i'm prepared to swear there's someone else psychic in this room apart from myself no there couldn't be none of my party really do you hope i haven't gone and released something however we're about to find out in a day or two if any manifestation should occur or you hear any unexpected noises of any kind you might let me know at once of course we will telephone immediately well i think i really must be on my way now wouldn't you like anything before you go no thank you i had some ovaltine already in a saucepan at home it only needs heart enough i'm so sorry so little occurred it's that cold of deafness i expect you know what children are when they have anything wrong with them we must try again some other reasons that would be lovely goodbye mrs bradley good night man of ours good night everyone next time we must really put our backs into it [Applause] she certainly put you in your place george and serves you right oh she's mad she's as mad as i had job the whole thing oh you know i felt a draft suddenly the window must be open no they're shocked perhaps it's one of those watchmen columns that mana marcotti was talking about what elementals no it couldn't be she distinctly said it was the wrong time of the year for element well the old girl's gone peddling off down the drive at a terrific speed come along george it's terribly late we really must go home you have to get up so early in the morning like a drink before you go no really thank you well it's quite right i'm afraid i do have to get up abominably early tomorrow have a patient being operated on in canterbury it has been thrilling i shall never forget it was sweet of you to include good night mrs kahneman thank you so much if we find any poltergeist swirling about we'll let you know i should never forgive you if you didn't good night well dolly would you say the evening had been profitable yes i suppose sir oh i must say it was extremely funny at times it certainly was doesn't it what's the matter matter i guess you seem odd somehow do you feel quite well perfectly uh i i think i'll have a drink would you like one no darling thank you chilly in this room come over by the fire you know i don't think i'll make any notes tonight i'll start fresh in the morning oh that was very clumsy charles dear tell people then it's true it was you of course it was yeah charles what are you talking about are you a ghost i suppose i must be it's all very confusing what are you looking over there for look at me darling what's the matter what's that don't you see see what elvira there are oh i'm so sorry ruth this is alviera elvira this is rude come and sit down darling you can say you can't see her now look charles you sit quietly by the fire and i'll mix you another drink don't worry about the mess on the carpet you just can clean it up in the morning but you must be able to see it she's there look there right in front of you look charles are you mad what's happened to you you can't see it now look if this is a joke it's gone far enough now sit down for heaven's sake and don't be silly what am i to do what the devil am i to do i think you might at least be a little more pleased to see me after all you conjured me up i didn't do any such thing nonsense of course you did that awful child with a cold game and told me you wanted to see me urgently it'd be a mistake a horrible mistake now stop talking like that i told you before this joke's gone far enough i've gone mad that's what it is i've just gone raping that here now drink this this is appalling relax how can i relax maybe you have to relax again till the day i die but drink some brandy yeah now you're satisfied now sit down why are you so anxious for me to sit down what good will that do darling i want you to relax you can't relax standing up african natives can they can stand on one leg for hours i don't happen to be an african native you don't have to be a worker an african native what's that got to do with it it doesn't matter just forget it i'll do what you ask me look you wanted me to sit down look there i've sat down would you like some more brands please very unwise you always had a weekend i could drink you under the table there's no need to be aggressive i'm only trying to help you i'm sorry now drink that and then we'll go to bed we'll get rid of a child then we can talk and feel that's a thoroughly immoral suggestion you want to be ashamed of yourself there now she's getting crossed i don't blame her well what don't you blame her for alvirah is in this room she's only a few inches away from you chuck i'm not going to stand here arguing any longer hooray shut up how dare you speak to me like that please listen i will not listen to any more of this nonsense i'm going up to bed now i'll leave you to turn out the lights i shall be asleep because i'm much too upset so you can come in and say good night to me if you feel like it that's big of a i must say because you're behaving like a gutter sniper that is all i have to say good night charles that was one of the most enjoyable hours i've ever spent oh elvira i suppose this is obviously some sort of an hallucination isn't it wait i don't know the technical term for it what am i to do but ruth suggested relax how'd you get here you know it it's very peculiar but i've sort of forgotten are you to be here indefinitely i don't know that either why would you hate it so much if i was well you must admit it to be embarrassing oh i don't see why really it's all a question of adjusting yourself anyhow i think it's hard of you to be so unwelcoming and disagreeable i do i think you're me yeah but try to see my point there after all i've been married to ruth for five years you've been dead for seven not dead jaws passed over it's considered vulgar to say dead where i come from passed over there at any rate now that i'm here the least you can do is make a pretense of being any of all about it i'm delighted in one way i don't believe you love me anymore i shall always love the memory of you you mustn't think me unreasonable but i really am a little hurt you called me back in a great inconvenience i came you've been thoroughly churlish about it ever since i arrived believe me i most emphatically did not call you back there's been some mistake well somebody did and that child said it was you i remember i was playing backgammon with a very sweet old oriental gentleman i think his name was genghis khan and i've just thrown double sixes and then the child paged me and the next thing i knew i was in this room perhaps it was your subconscious well you must find out how long you're going to stay and we shall have to make arrangements accordingly i don't see how i can but try to think isn't there anybody you know you can get in touch with over there on the other side or whatever it's called who would advise you can't think it seems so far away though i dreamed you must know somebody else besides genghis khan is it is it cold being a ghost no i don't think so what happens if i touch you i doubt if you can do you want to a little bit what is it darling i certainly do feel strange seeing you again ah that's better what do you mean better your voice was kinda was i ever unkind to you when you were alive often oh how can you i'm sure that's an exaggeration not at all you're an absolute pig that time we went to cornwall and stayed in that awful hotel you hit me with a billiard queue only very very gently i love you very much i loved you too oh oh i can't touch you not horrible perhaps it's as well if i'm going to stay for any length of time suppose i shall wake up eventually do you know i feel strangely strangely peaceful now that's right put your head back like that can you feel anything only a very little breeze through my hair well that's better than nothing i suppose i really am out of my mind they'll put me in an asylum won't they don't worry about that just relax poor ruth to hell with ruth extraordinary about daylight doesn't it how do you mean oh the way it reduces everything to normal does it yes it does i'm sure i'm very glad to hear it you're very glacial this morning are you surprised frankly yes i expected more of you i'll eat your breakfast while it's hot it isn't you behaved abominably last night you wounded me and insulted me i was the victim of an aberration you were drunk oh so that's your story is it you refused to come to bed and finally when i came downstairs at three in the morning to find out what had happened to you i found you in an alcoholic coma on the sofa with the fire out in your hair all over your face i was not in the least drunk room something happened to me last night something very peculiar it is not nonsense i swear to you that during that sales i was convinced that i heard elvira's voice nobody else did i can't help that idea but you couldn't have later on i was equally convinced that she was here in the room and i i saw a distinctly and talked to her after you'd gone to bed we had quite a cozy little chat and you seriously expect me to believe that you weren't drunk i know i wasn't drunk if i'd been all that drunk i should have a terrible hangover now shouldn't i well i'm not at all sure that you haven't i've got the trace of a headache my tongue is not in the least coated look at it oh i haven't any desire look at your tongue kindly put it in again i know what it is you're jealous your whole being is devoured with jealousy oh this is too much what i think of women huh your view of women is academic to say the least of it just because you've always been dominated by them it doesn't necessarily follow that you know anything about it i've never been dominated by anybody you were head written by your mother till you were 23 then you fell into the clutches of that awful missus whatever her name was mrs winthrop luellen i'm not interested and then there was elvira she ruled you with a rod of iron you had never ruled anybody she was far too elusive that was one of her greatest charms then there was more charterism my affair was more chartress lasted exactly seven and a half weeks and she cried all the time if you wish to make an inventory of my sex life i think you'd only fail to tell you that you've missed out several episodes i will consult my diary and give you a complete list after lunch i don't think you can impress me with your routine amorous exploit the only woman my whole life was ever tried to dominate me as you and you've been at it for years that is completely untrue oh no it isn't you boss me and bully me and order me about won't even allow me to have an hallucination if i want one good job alcohol will ruin your whole life if you allow it to get hold on you ruth once and for all i want you to understand clearly that what happened last night had nothing whatever to do with alcohol i was stoned cold sober from first the last and extremely upset into the bargain you were upset what about me you seem to forget that you gratuitously insulted i did not you called me a goddess knight you told me to shut up and when i quietly suggested that we go to bed you said with the most disgusting leah that it was an immoral suggestion i was talking to elvira well if you were i can only say it conjures up a fragrant picture of your first marriage i think my first marriage was perfectly charming and it's the worst possible taste for you to smear it oh i'm not nearly as interested in your first marriage as you think i am it's your second that's absorbing me at the moment seems to me to be on the rock only because you persist in taking up this ridiculous attitude my attitude is that of any normal woman whose husband gets drunk and hurls abuse at her i was not drunk keep quiet they'll hear you in the kitchen i don't care if they hear me in the foxton town hall i was not drunk i'm not transparent can i cleo please uh yes editor cook wants to know about lunchmen will you be into lunchtime please don't worry about me i should be perfectly happy with a bottle of gin in my bedroom till cook we shall both be in yes um i am going to hive this morning is there anything you want a great deal but i doubt if you could get it in highs it's clouding over you have a genius for understatement tell cook to put alka seltzer down on my list will you eat us yes [Music] dear please be reasonable i am perfectly reasonable i wasn't pretending i rarely believe that i saw a video last night i got the shock of my life that's why i dropped the glass but you couldn't have seen her i know i couldn't help but i did all right i'm willing to concede then that you imagined that you did that is exactly what i've been trying to explain to you for hours well then there's obviously something wrong with you exactly there is something wrong with me something fundamentally wrong with me did you feel quite well yesterday during the day i mean of course i did what you have for lunch would you ought to know you had it with me well let's see now that lemon soul and that cheese thing why should having a cheese thing for lunch make me see my deceased wife after dinner you never know it was rather rich why didn't you see your dead husband then he went just as much of it as i did oh this isn't getting us anywhere at all well of course it isn't and it won't as long as you persist in describing supernatural phenomena to colonic irritation you ought to see a psychiatrist i refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation only to be told at the end of it that at the age of four i was in love with my rocking horse perhaps there's something pressing on your brain something pressing on my brain i should have violent headache shouldn't i no no not necessarily an uncle of mine had a lump the size of a cricket ball pressing on his brain for years and he never felt a thing i know i should know if i had anything like that he didn't what happened to him well he he had it taken out and he's been as bright as a buttoner as this did he have any sort of delusions did he think he was seeing things that weren't there no i don't think so the devil will be talking about him for a sheer waste of valuable time i only brought him up as an example no no now look darling how do you feel now physically well all together apart from being worried i feel quite normal you're not hearing or seeing anything in the least unusual not a thing you've absolutely ruined that border by the sundial it looks like a mix oh oh oh what's the letter now she's here again who's here again oh no charles pull yourself together please mind your own business well if you're behaving like a lunatic in my business nothing is i expect it was about me wasn't it i know i ought to feel sorry but i'm not i'm delighted how can you be so inconsiderate inconsiderate oh i like that i must say listen oh no no you're trying to upset me for some obscure reason you're trying to goad me into doing something that i might regret now i'm not going to stand for you anymore you're making me ugly miserable please don't dump them oh let her have a nice cry i'll do her good you're utterly heartless heartless i wasn't talking to you i was talking to elvira oh well go out talking to her then talk to until you're blue in the face but don't talk to me help me you must help me wow well make us see you or something i'm afraid i couldn't manage that it's technically the most difficult business frightfully complicated you know takes years of study you are here aren't you i mean you're not an illusion i may be an illusion but i am most definitely here well how did you get here i told you last night i don't exactly know well in future you must make me a promise only come and talk to me when i i'm alone oh how i'm kind you are making me feel so unwanted i've never been treated so rudely i don't mean to be rude dude it's all your own fault for having married a woman who is incapable of seeing me on the nose on her face if she had been of real sympathy or affection for you she'd believe what you tell her but how would you expect anybody to believe this oh you'd be surprised how gullible people are we often laugh about it on the other side charles oh i'm awfully sorry i was crossed oh my dear i understand everything now i do really you do yes of course i do look out she's up to something you please be quiet yes darling we'll all be quiet won't we we'll be as quiet as little mice listen now i want you to come upstairs with me and go to bed the way that woman hops on bed is nothing short of erotic darling i'm not up to anything i i just want you to come with me go to bed and wait little dr bradman comes no ruth you're wrong you're wrong no come darling she'll have you in a straight jacket before you know where you are help me you must help me my dear i would with pleasure but i can't think how i can root yes come over here sit down do me a favor just go and stand quite fast five minutes all out you see that bowl of flowers on the piano yes darling i did it myself this morning very entirely if i may say something you may not very well i'll never do it again i promise elvia will now take that bowl of flowers from the piano to the mental piece and back again you will do this for me i'll be here i don't really see why i should you've been quite insufferable to me ever since our material please please please please please all right i will just this once not that i approve of all these vaudeville carryings on now ruth dear watch carefully come on over here i'll bring it over here it's a trick i know perfectly well it's a trick you've been working after this it's all part of some horrible plan yeah this is my spirit because they'll be able to do something else for heaven's sake certainly anything to do you want to get rid of me you're trying to drive me out of life don't be so silly you're cruel and sadistic and i'll never forgive you [Laughter] on my foot [Music] does it show any signs of clearing not much it's really been quite a chapter of accidents hasn't it certainly happened exactly as though there were some evil forces at work well you're sure you wouldn't like a cocktail or some sherry or something no thank you really george and i are supposed to be at the wilmots at seven and it's nearly that now i think i'll have some sharing i need it don't worry about your husband's arm mrs connolly i'm sure it's only a sprain it's not his arm i'm worried about and i'm sure edith will be up and about again in a few days my cook gave notice this morning well really servants are offloading not a shred of gratitude the first sign of trouble they run out on you like rats leaving a sinking ship i can't feel that your simile was entirely fortunate mrs bradley oh i didn't mean it like that really it's nothing to worry about this is going to be it's only a slight spree no i'm so relieved he's in rather a nervous condition there's nothing serious you understand what makes you think so i know the symptoms oh what symptoms have you noticed nothing to be unduly alarmed about a certain air of strain if you rather mark your relevances in this conversation oh i see uh can you remember any specific example well he suddenly shouted what are you doing in the bathroom and then a little later when i was writing him a prescription he suddenly said for heaven's sake behave yourself how extraordinary how is poor enough she'll be all right in a few days she's still recovering from the concussion it's funny isn't it that both your housemate and your husband should fall down on the same day if that sort of thing amuses you oh of course i didn't read it like you're talking too much i'll pop in and have a look at both patients sometimes thank you so much oh how does it feel all right it's only a slight sprain is this sling really essential it's a wise precaution well i had intended to drive into folks in this afternoon well charles you can easily wait till tomorrow oh i can't stand another of those dreary evenings at home charles it'll drive me dirty but i haven't seen a movie for seven years let me be the first to congratulate you what's that over uh charles please be sensible i implore you i'm so sorry i forgot well you can drive the car if you promise to grow very slowly and carefully the roads are very slippery anyhow come along goodbye again goodbye mrs bradman dear bye dear ruth all of a sudden well i take my head off to what i do really what though well she's making a valiant effort to face a very tricky situation you must admit that i don't admit anything of the sword i wouldn't trust you an inch her mouth gives her away it's a very hard mouth job her mouth hasn't got anything to do with it and i'd resent you discussing ruth associated with a horse do you have her well of course i do as much as you love me it's all entirely different i'm so glad nothing could ever have been quite the same could it you always behaved very very badly and i am grieved to see that your sudden in the other world hasn't improved you in the least go on darling i love it when you pretend to be cross women not pretending i am extremely cross with you i don't see why what have i done well you won't make the slightest effort to meet ruth halfway you sneer and giggle at everything she says you made hideous grimaces that are all through lunch what did it matter she couldn't see them i couldn't it embarrassed me exceedingly all that high and mighty social backtrack gets me down you can't deny that she's an awful snob i must emphatically do tonight she's a highly intelligent woman and i'm devoted to her oh you are are you of course i am she's really doing a little best to face the most uncomfortable effect of your being here what's so uncomfortable about it well you've upset the temperature of the whole house to start with ruth is very susceptible to droughts after lunch when she was sitting on the surface training every nerve to be polite and hospitable to you her teeth were chattering i could hear them i really believe that ruth is accepting the situation so valiantly that she honestly means to be hospitable of course i do oh i've got news for you lover boy and don't call me lover boy it is vulgar and inaccurate she's out to get rid of me and i can prove it nonsense it isn't nonsense do you know where she went this afternoon of course i do she went to see mrs strobisher about the garden fate mrs frobish of my eye she went to that bungling old spiritualist madam marcotti i know she did because i went with her you told me you're going to lie down i did on the back seat of the car she's a terrible driver what are you going to see madame mccarthy for get me exorcised of course is that true ruth hmm is what true what elvira just said you know perfectly well i can't hear what elvira says she said that you went to see madame arcat in order to get her exercise now is that true frankly yes we did discuss the possibilities there's a snake in the grass for you you have no right to do something without consulting me i had every right the situation is impossible and you know it where's elvira at the moment on the sofa now look here elvira i want to ask you a straightforward question why did you really come here i can't imagine what you could have hoped to have achieved by it beyond the immediate joke of making charles into some sort of an astral bigger list i came because the power of charles's love tugged and tugged and tugged at me didn't it my sweet what did she say what she said that she came to see me again well she's done that now hasn't she what did matta marcotti say oh she said she couldn't do a thing you died laughing if you could have seen them all that old-fashioned bell book candle routine it was dreaming really unimpossible out there i suppose she said something insulting no no she's merely giggling oh i'm glad she finds it all so amusing now she's losing her temper i'll go well there you're behaving abominably no oh well sarah stop acting like a school girl you're old enough to know better yeah now she's got into the garden are you sure she's been really high spirited all day i know this mood of old it usually meant she was up to something you're sure she isn't here i'm quite sure well then i want to talk to you oh no oh yes charles it's important i must ruth you've been behaving very well during the last few days you're not going to start making scenes again are you look i resent that air of patronage i have behaved well as you call it because there was nothing else to do now elvira came here with one purpose and one purpose only and if you can't see it you're a greater fool than i thought but what purpose could she possibly have beyond the perfectly natural desire to see me again after all you must remember she was extremely attached to me poor child her purpose is perfectly obvious it's to get you to herself forever that's absurd how could she by killing you off of course killing me off you're mad why do you suppose edith fell down the stairs and nearly cracked her skull what's edith got to do with it because the whole of the top stair was covered with axle grease cook discovered it after you're making this upright i am not i swear i'm not why do you suppose when you were lopping that dead branch off the pear tree that the ladder broke because it had been practically sold through on both sides but why should you want to kill me i can imagine i wanted to kill you but why me if you were dead it would be her final triumph over me she'd have you with her forever on her blasted astral plane and i'd be left high and dry she's probably planning a sort of a spiritual remarriage or i wouldn't put anything fast well now do you see she couldn't be so sly so wicked she couldn't oh couldn't she just oh oh oh no now now stop looking like a wounded spaniel and concentrate this is serious what i wanted to do you're not to let her know that we suspect a thing act perfectly ordinarily as though nothing had happened i'm going back to madame carty immediately she's got to help us even if she can't get rid of elvira she must know some technical method of rendering her harmless if a trance is necessary believe me she'll go into a trance if i have to beat her into it now i'll be back in a half hour and you tell elvira that i've gone to see the victim this is appalling now now never mind that don't you give yourself away by so much as a flick of an eye look out i find it difficult to believe that you and ruth at this particular moment can't think of anything more interesting to talk about than the weather you know i really can't stand another minute of this where is she now over by the piano now look here elvira she's on her way over to me now why the blazers can't she stay in the same place for one minute heaven's sake ruth don't get into another state another state i have been trying to control myself for three whole miserable days and it's been a nightmare and i'm not going to do it anymore if since hell there is a timely arrival here the other evening she had shown the slightest sign of good manners the slightest sign of breeding i might have felt differently toward her but all she has done is to try to make mischief between you and me and have private jokes with you against me i don't like elvira any more than she likes me and what's more i'm certain i never would have dead or alive the first thing in the morning i am going straight to london to interview the psychical research society and if they fail me i shall go straight to the archbishop of canterbury ruth doesn't like being thwarted anymore noodle are you ready what paul to go to foxton of course i want a glass of sherry first uh i don't believe you want to take me at all and of course i want to take it but i still think it'd be far more sensible to wait until tomorrow it's a filthy night how familiar this is all through our married life i had only to suggest something to you immediately to start hedging me off i'm not hitting you off i'm missing all right all right we'll spend another cozy intimate evening at home with ruth sewing away at that hideous table center and snapping at us like a terrier ruth is perfectly aware that that table center is hideous it happens to be a birthday present for her mother it's no use trying to defend ruth's taste to me it's thoroughly artsy crafty and you know if you don't behave yourself i shall take you in the folk store ever oh please charles don't be elderly and grind with me please let's go now not until i've had my chatty uh you are tired some darling i've been waiting about for hours well a few more minutes won't making a difference then will it very well besides the car won't be back for half an hour at least what do you mean ruth's thinking she had to go and see the vicar what what knows the matter did you say roose taking the car he has to go and see the bigger but you won't belong oh alveolar stop it you must dump it once why what forever go out and stop it stop immediately it's too late now i heard it a couple of minutes ago oh what are you going on like this fall what have you done hold on oh i haven't done anything you're really lying oh i'm not lying what is that alive i'm not you've done something dreadful oh no don't look at me like that charles i haven't i swear i am oh the car the car no charles no ruth was right you did want to kill me you've done something to the car oh hello yes speaking oh i see the bridge at the bottom of the hill no no no thank you very much i'll come at once well of all the filthy lowdown tricks stop it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this madame carter what a delightful surprise i hope you don't consider this an intrusion you mean of course not i'm delighted to see you do come in and sit down won't you thank you i thought you'd like some coffee or a cure oh no thank you no thank you i had to come mr convene yes i felt a tremendous urge like a rushing wind so i hopped on my bike and here i am i've been thinking very carefully lately i've also been reading up a good deal during the last few dreadful days i gather that we are alone my my first wife is not in the room at the moment she's upstairs lying down the funeral exhausted her i imagine that my second wife is with her but of course i have no way of knowing for certain you have remarked no difference in the texture of your first wife since the accident no no she seems much as usual until low spirited a trifle under the weather perhaps but that's all washes that out i don't understand just a little theory i had in the 19th century there was a pretty widespread belief that a ghost that participated in the death of a human being disintegrated automatically marcotte how did you know that elvira was in any way implicated in ruth's death what you haven't answered my question how did you know it came to me last night mr condomine came to me in a blinding flash i suddenly started up in bed with a loud cry great scott i've got it i said i should be very much obliged to keep any theories you have about ruth's death to yourself well you're still anxious to dematerialize your first wife are you not of course i am perfectly furious with her but but what she's been rather upset during the last few days you see apart from me being angry whether which he always hated even when she was alive ruth my second wife has hardly left her side for a moment you must see she's not been having a very happy time what with one thing and another delicacy of feeling does your credit mr congressman charles what of that's the matter oh what's she doing here she came to offer me her condolences that should have been congratulations you are not to say things like that it's the worst possible taste oh madam marcati allow me to introduce my first wife elvia how do you do what if you want y'all send her away what part of the room is she at the moment she's moving up rather rapidly i'll tell you when and where she settles she's the one who got me here in the first place isn't she well please tell her to get me away again as soon as possible i can't tell us how's another minute oh yeah i'm surprised i don't care how surprised you are i want to go home i'm sick of those things interesting very interesting i smell ectoplasm strongly what a disgusting thing you happy my dear tell a silly offer to mine her own business was the journey difficult are you weary she's dusty this is wonderful wonderful please tell her to go to the other room charles i've got a doctor just a moment i almost have contact i can sense the vibrations of this is magnificent go on elvira don't be a spoilsport give her a bit of encouragement if you'll promise to get her into the other room all right yes yes again again how's that this is first rate it really is first straight out i'm so glad you're pleased please get rid of but ruth will be in a minute madam mccarty what do you think is most rightfully rude of me if i asked you to wait in the dining room for a few minutes my my first wife wishes to speak to me alone must i it's so wonderful being actually in the room with her only for a few minutes i promise you she'll be here when you come back very well i'll just get my bag i left it on the sofa there you are darling the whole thing's been a failure a miserable dreary failure you know what high hopes i started out with you can't expect much sympathy from me you know i am perfectly aware that your highest hope was to murder me there was a time when you'd have welcomed the chance of being with me forever and ever your behavior has shocked me immeasurably although i had no idea you were so unscrupulous they're only ghost tears they don't mean anything really but they're very painful you brought all this on yourself you know that's right rub it in anyhow it was only because i loved you the silliest thing i ever did my whole life was to love you you were always unworthy of me that remark comes perilously near impertinence i sat there on the other side just longing for you day after day i did really all through your affair with that brassy looking woman in the south of france i went on loving you and thinking truly of you and then you married rusin even then i forgave you and tried to understand because i believed all the time deep inside that you really loved me best that's why i put myself down for a return visit i had to fill in all those forms and wait about in droughty passages for oh if only you died before you met ruth everything might have been all right she's absolutely ruined you you know i hadn't been in the house a day before i realized that and your books aren't a quarter as good as they used to be either that is entirely untrue ruth helped me and encouraged me with my work which is a damn side more than you ever did that's probably what's wrong with it all you ever thought about was going out to parties and enjoying yourself why shouldn't i have fun i died young didn't i you needn't have died at all if you hadn't been idiotic enough to go out in the river with guy henderson and get soaked to the skin so we're back at guy henderson again are we you behaved abominably over guy henderson and it's no use pretending you didn't i would rather not discuss it if you don't mind you let him kiss you didn't you how could i stop him he was bigger than i was swore to me of course i did you're always making scenes over nothing at all nothing at all you never loved me a bit really it was only your beastly vanity you seriously imagine that was only my vanity that was upset when you went out in that punt with guy henderson it was not a punt it was a little launch i don't care if it was a three-masted schooner you had no right to go you never suspected it but i laughed at you steadily from the order to the grave all your ridiculous petty jealousies and your fussings and feelings you drove me mad that's why i went out on the moors that day with captain grace girl i was desperate you swore them you've gone over to see your aunt in exmouth it was the moors with captain brace girdle with captain grace girl oh i might have known it what a fool i was what a blind fool did he make love to you of course oh hell there only very discreetly he was in the cavalry you know all i can say is i'm well rid of you unfortunately you're not oh yes i am you're dead ruth's dead i shall sell this house look stuck in battle and go away i shall have to follow you you called me back i did not call you back well somebody did and it's hardly likely to have been rude nothing in the world was further from my thoughts you were talking about me before dinner that evening i might just as easily have been talking about joan of art but that wouldn't necessarily mean i wanted her to come and live with me as a matter of fact she's rather fun stick to the point oh call it over let me get it set it to work i won't tolerate this any longer i want to go home are fawning on me charles i shall break something out of my car uh elvira and i have been discussing the situation and we are both agreed that you must go back as soon as possible so please make every effort strain every nerve well if you insist i can't guarantee anything you know i'll do my best but it may not work i have here a formula what is it well it's nothing more than a little verse really it fell into disuse after the 17th century i shall need some pepper and salt severance also in the dining room we ought of course to have some shepherd's wart and a frog or two but i think i can manage without now you won't be frightened will you darling it's absolutely painless enough i only need a little put it on the table now sprinkle it with you mr soup's all right in the middle oh this is going to be a flop i can tell you that here and now oh no some snapdragons although there's a check merlin does this sort of thing at parties and bores us all stiff with it in the old days of course they used a zipper or reed pipes we'd better have the same record we had before i get it if only that mr emsworth of the psychical research society could see this he'd have a fit now don't start it yet darling will you now will you just sit down at the table mr bean rest your hands on it don't put your fingers in the pepper i'll turn off the light slightly oh shucks i've nearly forgotten one triangle one half circle a wonderful doctor this is a waste of time she's a complete fake now if your wife will just lie down on the sofa please go on over here this is sheer nonsense don't blame me if i get the giggles i shall join you in a moment mr condomine i may have to go into a slight trance but if i do pay no attention no first the music and away we go lights oh for a disagreeable little verse is there anyone there is there anyone there one rapper yes two raps for no now then is there anyone there good stuff is that you daphne oh sorry to bother you darling but mrs condomine wants to return hold on daphne did you hear what i said can you help us [Music] [Laughter] [Music] if i ever do get back i'll strangle that bloody little daphne well what happened nothing happened oh yes it did i know something happened no you fell over that's all that happened if she's still here yeah oh something must have gone wrong make her do it properly charles i'm sick of being mr something happened i felt [Music] once and for all what the devil does this all mean [Applause] [Music] well we've done all we can i must i couldn't be more exhausted it'll be daylight soon ah that clock has always irritated me it strikes far too slowly a wedding present from uncle walter who's uncle walter alviers well all i can say is he might have chosen something a little more decorative i'm sure if that were really all you could say ruth it would be a great comfort to us youtube stop bickering for just one minute now look here alvaro if you and i have got to stay together indefinitely in this house and it looks unpleasantly likely we'd better come to some sort of an arrangement what sort of energy we're not going to stay here together indefinitely in this house well with you then we shall have to be with you i don't see why why don't you take a cottage somewhere you called us back i've already explained i'm blue in the face that i did no such thing well we've all agreed that as elvira and i did it would be both right and proper for us both to de-materialize as soon as possible we've allowed ourselves to be subjected to the most humiliating hocus pocus for hours and hours without complaining without complaining we've stood up we've laid down we've concentrated we've sat interminably while that tiresome old woman recited very extremely unflattering verses at us we've endured five seas we've watched her fling herself in and out of trances until we're dizzy and at the end of it all we find ourselves exactly where we were at the beginning i'm just as exhausted as you are you know i've had to do all the damn table tapping remember well if she can't get us back she can't and that's that so we might as well think of something else why don't you do something about it why don't you go back on your own vanessa's got to come from here perhaps darling charles doesn't want us to go quite enough darling charles most certainly does oh you must have a very weak will then i always suspected it there's no use arguing anymore wake up nella marcotti no shaken might upset her i don't care if it kills it wake up madame carter what time is it 10 past five what time did i go off over and out ago oh very curious very curious forgive me for a moment while i make a note of that from my diary are they still here yes how disappointing have you any suggestion well we mustn't give up hope turn up never give in that's my motto well that schoolgirl phraseology is driving me mad no no then what what you say we have another say ours and really put our shoulders to the wheel make it a real rouser no no no the love of heaven not another sailor i might be able to materialize a trumpet if i try hard enough better than nothing you know i know care she materializes a whole symphony orchestra i implore you not to let her have another seance you know one day i intend to give myself the pleasure of telling madame marcotti exactly what i think of she's doing her best are the girls getting despondent i'm afraid they are rather will win through yet don't be darn-hearted you know we're not very careful she'll materialize a hockey team now met a marcotte my wives and i have been talking it over and they are absolutely convinced that i somehow or other called them back very natural i am equally convinced that i did no such thing oh love is a strong psychic force mr mean it can work untold miracles a true love call can encompass the universe yes i'm sure it can but i wish to tell you here and now that neither consciously or subconsciously did i call them back but that is my final word on the subject neither of them could have got here unless there had been somebody a psychic subject in the house who wished for them it wasn't me great spot i believe i've been barking up the wrong tree what do you mean wait all in good time now who was in the house during our first season well the bradmans and ruth and you and me yes but the bradmans weren't here last night were they no quickly my crystal here we go again oh blast the thing it's cloudy again it's there again it's there again i'm beginning to understand which i was what's that again bandage of white bandage hold on to a white bandage she's too good you know she ought to be in a circus answer me be you in still room or closet answer me see you behind the panel above the stairs benny thieves waking or sleeping answer me that ought to do it or i'm a dutchman oh sweet literally you want the grandma found one of the lights out oh no it's near it's very near the ghost i'll scream i hope there's nobody we know i'll feel so silly chilling so the bandage the white bandage no i didn't need it oh i'm so sorry sir but i could have sworn i heard the bell or somebody calling i was asleep i don't really know which whom do you see in this room child oh dear answer please you imagine go on and the monster anyone else oh no madam she's lying imagine they always do they where are they now by the fireplace oh you mean she can see she can rarely see them probably not very clearly but enough can you let me go i haven't done nothing i've seen nobody nobody said you did you know if she's been the cause of all this unpleasantness i'll give her a week's notice tomorrow you may not be here tomorrow look at me eat it okay what's the matter with her is she bombing look at my finger edith did you ever see such a long long long finger now it's on the left now it's on the right see very quietly backwards and forwards stick top tick top the mouse ran up the clock be quiet to spoil everything well so far so good she's off all right oh she's a natural just the same as the sunbreak case it really is the most amusing coincidence now if you'll just have your wives stand close together please well we're over there with you come on girls do i resent being ordered about like this i don't like this i don't like any of it i feel peculiar you're sorry for having been so mischievous edith oh yes madam you know what you have to do now don't you we didn't oh yes madam i think it's going to work whatever it is charles shh gosh this is goodbye stop for a minute i want to say something before i go before it's too late now for the mean and gracious with the love i saw it again charles several times i don't think you're rid of us quite so easily my dear you may not be able to see us but we'll be here all right he's going to fix it for all we've done it that's quite enough singing for the moment he did i don't know yes they've gone they've really gone yes i think we really pulled it off this time and to wake up she might bring him back again wake up child heavens where am i it's all right it is you can go off to bed now why it's mowing of course it is but i wasn't bad i'll just get down here listen i rang the bell eat it and and you answered it isn't that so much did i drop off do you think it's my concussion again no off you go to bed eating thank you very much wait a minute thank you very much indeed oh sir whatever for myself i could drop in my tracks you know would you like to stay we have a spare room oh no thank you eat to his oldness i'll pedal home in a jiffy it's only seven miles perhaps you'll give me the pleasure of lunching with me one day soon oh well when you come back i should be delighted to come back this must be an unhappy house for you mr condomine there must be memories in it in every corner of it both grave and gay also also what just go pack your traps and go as soon as possible you mean they may still be here kian sabi as the spanish say i wonder oh i wonder i'll follow your advice matter good night mr columning it's been fascinating from first to last fascinating do you mind if i take just one sandwich to munch on my way home not in the least please thank you oh now don't come with me please i can find my own way cheerio once more and good hunting rule alviera are you there ruth alviera i know damn well you're there i just want to tell you that i'm going away so there's no point in you hanging about any longer i'm going a long long way away is that quite quite clear my darling i thought so alviera it was very silly of you to imagine that i didn't know all about you and captain brace girl i did but what you didn't know was that i was extremely interested in paula westlake at the time i was reasonably faithful to you ruth but you know i doubt if it would have lasted much longer you will becoming increasingly domineering and there's nothing more off-putting than that is that you once said long ago that i've been hagrid and all my life how right you are but i'm not going to be hagrid goodbye for the moment my darlings i expect we're bound to meet again one day but until we do i intend to enjoy myself as i've never enjoyed myself before ah break up the house as much as you like i'm leaving it anyhow think kindly of me send out good thoughts nice work albeit why don't you get ruth to help you press on girls goodbye again parting is such sweet sorrow [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

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Length: 75min 46sec (4546 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 16 2021