(upbeat, swinging and
twanging guitar music) - I am so excited about today's show. One of my favorite
singers, it's Sandi Patty. I've know her, good night, since 1988. And we've been friends ever since. And I'm thrilled she's here today. And she's gonna be talking
about blended families. Isn't that right?
- That's right, yeah. She has such a unique family situation, she and her husband Don,
and their blended family of eight children. There's a quote by Brené
Brown that we talked about Brené says, "Those who
have a strong sense of love "and belonging have the
courage to be imperfect." And what Sandi does is
she invites into the story of her family, as she
shows how the stories of our lives that are
imperfect are then a pathway for God to redeem us. And then as we share that story for others to join in on the redemption. So I think it's pretty exciting. - It was a great conversation. And there's one seat left
at the table and it's yours! Let's join the conversation. (twanging solo electric guitar music) Years ago, when you and I and Debbie Boon did some things. - Hold on let me grab that aim you just dropped.
(everyone laughing) - I remember it was at
Anderson University. - [Sandi] Yes. - And I told you that night I said, "I am so thankful I was
born in your lifetime." - [Sandi] Oh. - To hear that voice. I remember I was sitting
with my friend Dina at the outdoor theater in LA, that beautiful amphitheater thing. - The Greek. - The Greek?
- Or the, yeah. - You were at it.
(Andrew laughs) - Yeah. - It was your concert, it was sold out. And I remember, this
was before I knew you, before I was, had my big
break that you gave me. - Well we got to talk about that. - Yeah, but let me just say
(Andrew laughing) I remember thinking, "I
wish she knew my name." - Oh.
- Isn't that weird? - And here we are! - And here we are, so, so.
- Having dinner! - Yeah right.
(Sandi laughs) She knows it know. (laughs) - At Estes Park.
(Sandi and Andrew laugh) I'm finally getting to sing at Estes Park. - [Sandi] Yes. - And the night-- - [Sandi] This was year. - 1988.
- Okay. - I know exactly, I can
tell you what I was wearing. (Sandi and Andrew laugh) I see that uh, Dallas Holme was supposed to
introduce me in the morning. And I want you to, because
the two biggest stars in our world at that time were
Amy Grant and Sandi Patty. There were no bigger stars, I mean superstars, all right, and
everybody else was down here, right?
(Andrew laughs) So she introduces me, she
doesn't know what I'm gonna do, she introduces me and
I said, "Thank you Amy "for that wonderful introduction." (Andrew laughing)
- Yeah totally. - I said your first album My Father's Eyes is still my favorite.
(Andrew and Sandi laugh) And then I said, "Are you
all ready to rock and roll?" They go, "Yes!" I said, "Tough, I don't do that." (everyone laughs) - And in that moment I knew. I, I think I wet my pants in that moment, I think I did.
(Mike and Andrew laugh) I'd never heard such smart comedy. It was just the most brilliant 10 minutes I've ever seen in my whole life. - So you are, retiring. - Well, slash-- - You know I am. - You are, farewell
tour's going good, huh? - It's done. - It's done?
- It's farewell. (Andrew laughs)
- You're not gonna do like Cher and have an adios tour, - I am not, I am not.
- and I'll see you later tour, and we'll be back in a minute tour. - I'm not.
- No you're done. - I'm done. I mean music has always been
such a huge part of my life, there's no way I can not do music.
- Of course, no. - But being on the road. It just looks very different
on a 62 year old body than on the 30 year old body.
- Sure. Around, when we went to the concert tours, when my parents and I came to that, and you see this picture, to me this is the story of redemption that's happening throughout your family. But you see you, your husband Don, you see one of Don's
girls, you see your twins, you see Katie, daughter-in-law, right? - [Sandi] Mm-hm. - So all this literally up on stage - Yeah.
- singing together. - 'Cause you blended a family. - I mean blending this right in front of us.
- And Ana who runs the business and then,
you know road manager, - Don, right? (laughs)
- son and you know. - It's a family corporation. - We just employ them all.
(Andrew laughs) - So with a friend of
mine yesterday in fact and they're in their like, they're a little older than
me, in their 60s probably. They recently married. Her husband had passed away,
he went through a divorce, but they married. And he said if he had known. He said the hardest thing
he's ever been through in his life. - You know blending a family
there's nothing easy about it. Nothing. And so some of the things
that Don and I have been really fortunate
in the last few years, to be able to share with a lot of couples, is not out of how we
did it right. (laughs) - Right. - It's how we messed up
and please if you're gonna make a mistake, make a new one, but don't make this one. - Okay.
(Andrew laughs) - You know. But every blended family, number
one you have to start here is born out of loss. And you just have to let that sink in. Every blended family is born out of loss. So whether there's been a
death of a spouse, parent, or whether there's been a
divorce, there's a loss. That is just a reality. That doesn't mean it's set up to fail, but you do have to start there. - It's a recognition. - Just, yes, you just have to own that. And I think you have, to the second thing, is you have to keep the
foundational relationship strong. You're the only ones in the
whole mess that chose it. - That's, yeah.
- Wow, brilliant. - [Sandi] Nobody else did. - Write that down. - Right?
- Uh huh. - You're the only ones in this whole mess that chose it.
- Yes, that's right. - Oh that's good.
- So you've gotta foster that. You've got to nurture that relationship. We just tried to establish
date night once a week. And I think you know
in your second marriage you have to work harder
than you did in your first. I don't know it's just, you just have to. - Is there fear?
- it doesn't magically happen. - Is that from a fear thing?
- No it's from an I think an experience thing.
- Okay. - Nothing magical happens
when you say, "I do." - Right.
- And the all the stars align. - Yeah, right. - And all the baggage
is unpacked. (laughing) Understood. It's just the beginning.
- It's just the beginning. - Let me ask you this.
- Yeah? - What kind of insecurities
in your children does is breed when their parents stop loving each other? Does in some way make
them feel it could happen to the too? Is that part of it? - You know, that's a very
interesting question. It has made them look at
marriage much more seriously. - Sure.
- Knowing this could happen. - Yeah, mmm hmm. 'Cause they know you and
they know their father. - Yes.
- And they know Don. - Yeah.
- And they're going these are people we love, we trust.
- Right. - We see their relationship
with God fostered and yet--
- Right. - Here is was present. - Yep, and I think one of the things that we chose to do early on is to be as age appropriately
honest with them. That there was not a question that they couldn't ask
- Yep. - That we wouldn't answer somehow. And to be real honest
the questions have gotten deeper as they get older.
- Okay. - And even as they get married. - And as they get married it's like, you know what? I'm not saying like, but
I understand differently than I did before. It's hard work. (guitar solo music) - How did coming from
this blended family impact before you were married,
now that you're married, not that you're a mom. - Yes, oh my goodness, wow, yes. I think I chose not to let people close for a very long time and that was with my family, that was in friendships, that was in relationships. My husband was my first
serious relationship and we were 24 when we started dating. And I just kind of
became very self-reliant, which is not a bad thing. - Sure, sure.
- But it was from an unhealthy place. He gave me a lot of space to process how scared I was of marriage because of my lens. I was scared of being hurt and I was scared of hurting. - Sure.
- Both. - Both.
- Were equally strong in me and I could see the
capacity of both within me which we all have. And I think maybe it's a good thing to come to terms with that, but it was paralyzing to me. And on the night we got engaged he had set up this elaborate, beautiful, amazing engagement, the most perfect thing and I realized finally what's happening and I said, "I'm not ready to get engaged. "I'm not ready to get engaged." And he said, "Yes you are. - You said that out loud?
- Yes you are. And I said, "I'm not
ready, I'm not ready." And he said, "Yes, you are,
yes you are, yes you are." And I almost said, like
I almost said, "No." Not because I was scared of him. I knew he's amazing and I trust him completely and I do want to spend my life with him. So, I wasn't scared of him and I had peace about him. I was so terrified of marriage. My husband's parents met
and married in 12 days, and are still together to this day. So, we had just very different lens (laughing)
- Yeah it's like completely. - That we walked into marriage with. - So he's totally trusting of it. - So he's like this is
great, this is great. Why don't we just get married now. - This is how it's
supposed to be. (laughs) I'm like, "Ah." (laughs) But I remember finally on my wedding, on my wedding day I woke up and realized, "Okay, this is it." I remember feeling this
delight from the Lord because I felt this for me and my story and my fears, this redemption in some ways. And honestly I know what I'm getting into. I have no like rose colored glasses. - Right, right. But seeing that actually can be a benefit instead of a crippling thing. - Sure, well and I think what's beautiful about that is what we
realize is we're all, the journey to healing, we're not whole. - Yes.
- We're not gonna be whole - Yes.
- On this side of life. - Yeah, yes. - So that's a continual journey. - Yes.
- And that's where you can begin to relate, no
matter what your story is, no matter what your parent's story is, no matter what my story is, someone else's that's our relating point as we if we're surrendered to I think to God through this life.
- Yeah. Then it's a continual
healing, you know, process that will never end.
- Absolutely. (solo guitar music) - [Sandi] I love this song, so much. ♪ Tis so sweet ♪ ♪ To trust in Jesus ♪ ♪ Just to take him ♪ ♪ At his word ♪ ♪ Just to rest ♪ ♪ Upon his promise ♪ ♪ Just to know ♪ ♪ Thus sayeth the Lord ♪ ♪ Jesus, Jesus, ♪ ♪ How I trust him ♪ ♪ How I proved him ♪ ♪ O'er and o'er ♪ ♪ Jesus, Jesus, ♪ ♪ Precious Jesus ♪ ♪ Oh for grace ♪ ♪ To trust him more ♪ ♪ And I'm so glad ♪ ♪ That I've learned to trust him ♪ ♪ Precious Jesus, ♪ ♪ Savior, Friend ♪ ♪ And I know ♪ ♪ That thou are with me ♪ ♪ Will be with me ♪ ♪ To the very end ♪ ♪ Jesus, Jesus ♪ ♪ How I trust him ♪ ♪ How I proved him ♪ ♪ Or and or ♪ ♪ Jesus, Jesus ♪ ♪ Precious Jesus ♪ ♪ Oh for grace ♪ ♪ To trust him more ♪ - Sing oh for grace. ♪ Oh for grace ♪ ♪ To trust him ♪ ♪ More ♪ Yep.
(upbeat music) - Dinner Conversations is presented by Project Beautiful. A passionate community committed to saving innocent lives
from the modern day terrors of slavery. - Project Beautiful has
intercepted over 12,000 people from the front
lines of sex trafficking and today you can
partner with us and help. - So when you partner with Andrew and me Go to
ProjectBeautiful.org/DinnerConversations for more information. - If we don't help, who will? Project Beautiful because
every life is beautiful and worth fighting for. (upbeat music) But, y'all created a name this is what-- - Okay, yeah.
- Hunter was telling me about it the other day.
- Yes. Because on vacation, Don
would go, "Hey, Peslis family, "let's go." You know and then finally
the Helvering kids go, "I'm sorry we are not Peslis'." - Oh. - And but it sparked a conversation that you know what, that's true. So we need to address that. So at first we thought,
well what if just for fun we combined our names,
like took a piece of here. (laughing) So we took H-E-L from Helvering, P from Patty and L-I-S from Peslis, but that was helpless.
(laughing) And that just felt a little bit surreal, you know. It just felt, too soon. - That's funny. - So then we thought, okay
let's just put all the letters of all the last names in like a paper bag and we drew them out one at a time and whatever order they came out in, that would be like our fictitious name. - Name, family name. - Which came out Ganisalapivy. - Ganisalapivy.
(laughing) - Ganisa, very well done. - Ganisalapivy. - Ganisalapivy, but I
think what it has said is that we all have a place and we all matter. And some of those realizations we came to in a hard way because the kids would say, "You know what, that's not my name." Well you know what, that's, true. - Does it ever feel
like, okay, we're nev-- I mean here's this kind of hump and we're never gonna get over it because no one's ever gonna
have the same last name. No one's ever gonna be
all biologically related or whatever, did you and
Don ever feel defeated by that you know possibility or fact? - Yeah, you hope that you can
create a safe enough space that conversations can happen that will lead you to new things. - Mmm hmm.
- Brilliant. - You hope, that's the best you can do. You know, I say hope and I mean prayer and discernment and
thoughtfulness, all that. - But you're not going
to control that, right? - You're not going to control that and I'll tell you something. This happened probably
four or five years ago. And so Don and I've been
married now 22 years. - Wow.
(laughing) - 22, we're suddenly those people now that people come to. (all laughing) When did that happen? - For advice?
- Yeah. (all laughing) - Well, why not?
- We can tell you what we did wrong, don't do that. And this happened on one of
the cruises I was hosting. And it happened to be
around Don's birthday. And so you know all the waiters came over and like celebrated the crazy birthday. And all of our family was around. And I realized I was hesitating to celebrate him in front of my kids because I never ever wanted them to think that I'd forgotten what it cost them. But then I realized, "You know what? "I'm also a wife. "And if I don't celebrate
him, someone's gonna." - Wow.
- Yeah. - So I need to figure out how to celebrate him in front of the kids. - Yeah.
- So, I set out on a mission and it took
me a year to accomplish, but I wanted to have a
one on one conversation with each of my kids where
there was no time constraint, where it could go as short
or as long as it needed to go and say to them, "I
don't ever want you to think "for one minute that I've forgotten "what it has cost you."
- Wow. But I love, whether it was Don's kids, I love your Dad. He is my best friend and I want and need to celebrate us. And I always said, "If you need "to pick up this conversation at any time, "then let's do that." But that has freed me to be able to celebrate my husband because that is important to do. - And you do it well. That reverent--
- And it has that in turn-- - What do you call him reverent Don? (laughing)
- Yeah rev, Mister Don.
(all laughing) - That's in turn freed
them up, don't you think even though they may not
have thought that at first? - You know, the comments from each of them one of the kids said, "Well
of course we know that." One of them said, "Mom,
if you don't move on, "how are we supposed to?" - Oooh.
- Yes, yeah. - So it was a very freeing--
- And how are they then to celebrate you if you
can't celebrate your love? - Right, right and I think
that's one of the foundations we tried to establish
in our blended family. Is even if it's crazy,
let's talk about it, but I think now, we can converse. And the kids, especially,
are really close. - Are they, that's great. - They really are.
- It's pretty amazing to see them together. - And it isn't--
- Defenseless, and they're heart healthy. - Yes, they refer to us as step-parents. - Okay. - But they refer to
each other as siblings. - Cool, cool.
- Good, good. - But they'll say to
us now, "Our parents." And that's been a new thing.
- Yeah. (guitar solo music) - When you think about all
those different personalities under one roof and then on top of that you have this personality
that would like a little space to feel a feeling.
- Yeah, yeah. - And maybe someone to hear
those feelings when you need it. Was it ever hard especially with your biological siblings to I mean did some of
them seem a little bit more go with the flow kind of thing? - Yeah.
- Where you're like what's wrong with me. Why can't I just run into this full force? - Yes, absolutely.
(laughing) have you read all my diaries?
(laughing) My mom told me a story later, kinda after I started doing some work and going to counseling. When I first moved to Nashville, almost nine, 10 years ago, I had the incredible privilege of doing some very intense
counseling without Anders actually, in the midst of that work I was crossing some things with Mom, and I remember having
a conversation with her which was so healing for our relationship that just said I need
to have a conversation because I can feel all my feels I also feel all your feels, right? - Right.
- So sometimes I feel "Oh, I can't say that
because then that's gonna be taken that way.
- Sure. - So I remember calling her on the phone after a counseling session and said, "I just need to have a conversation "as a four year old girl whose really sad "about things that happened." And she just let me talk. She heard me and she let me been seen. And it was so powerful in so many ways. She said that she remembers
when I was just four when they got divorced and
my Mom and Dad sat us down told us that they were getting divorced and tried to explain however you can to a four year old.
- Sure. - And she said I just cried
and cried and cried and cried and then she said just
at some point that day, I just stopped. And she didn't see me cry for like years because I think as a four year old I realized ooh that pain is so great to like open yourself up. And I think once I reopened
some of those things that were very painful at first, that then allowed some work to begin, but that was my journey and my siblings had very different ones. Some of them were more
able to go with the flow. And their work looks a
little bit different. Sometimes it was them
having permission to stop and say, "Oh, wait this did effect me." And have that conversation. - Yeah, right.
- You know, and for us to all see
that it did effect us just as every person's story effects them. - Of course.
- No matter what they walked through. (guitar solo music) - Have you worked with blended families?
- I have. What is the biggest hurdle they have to face when you blend a family? - You know it's really interesting because let's say there's six people in a blended family, six kids. Three kids in this one, three kids in this one, whatever. When they come together, everybody's been through a trauma, but if I met with each of
those kids individually, I would hear a different story because everybody experiences
a different story. My sister and I grew
up in the same family, and we have a bit of a different story the way we experienced our family. The way I would work with
people is just not assume well, if you're in a blended family, this, this and this happened. And therefore that's
what you're dealing with, but what I'd rather do
is go, "No, each person, "including the parents,
lived a different story." - And they see that story
through their own grid. - Through their own
grid which is influences by the things in their own life. One of the big things we want to do with everybody that comes in is almost treat them like a novel that has a beginning, a middle and an end, and a number of chapters because I feel like people need to know their story or their story will live them. (upbeat music) - When we were looking for
a sponsor for our program, we thought not only do we want a sponsor, we want some sponsor that
is doing something eternal. And what I love about Project Beautiful well is the interception. It's about sex trafficking. Who knew in our day and age you still had to worry
about sex trafficking. - About slavery. - And slavery. Well Project Beautiful is in the ministry of intercepting those before they get in to sex trafficking, which
is what I love that. - Right. - And they'll go to like
airports and they watch and they're in cahoots with
the of course the government and the police, but then they go in there and they know what to look for. And they'll flash a card. I just learned all this myself. They flash a card and
they ask a few questions and they catch those sons of guns (laughing) And they arrest the trafficker. Save the traffic and bring them home. - They do, right? They monitor, so that's how
they help intercept them. - Yeah, and they know the
red flags to watch for. - All right and then
the interception begins, so Project Beautiful steps in when those red flags are waved and they realize this
is what's going down. They then step in to stop--
- Yes. - The trafficking before
the slavery begins. - Get the trafficker in the jail and get the children home. - And probably the ultimate thing, they're educating them in the gospel-- - Absolutely.
- Part of the bringing home process. So they're working at every angle. I consider it this really kinda wholistic way to be a part of ending modern day slavery, you know?
- It's wonderful. (upbeat music) - We love it. We would like you to love it too. - $30 dollars a month. You will save three
people, three lives a year from sex trafficking, slavery. $30 dollars a month, $40 dollars a month you save four. - Yeah, it's easy math and
it's obviously a calling that feels compelling to us. - Won't you join Andrew and me? Go to
ProjectBeautiful.org/DinnerConversations. - Find our more. We've got a special gift for you there just because of how
important this is to us. - If we don't help, who will? Project Beautiful because
every life is beautiful and worth fighting for. (upbeat music) - So you won--
- It continues - Eight total.
- Eight total. So when we got married--
- And how many-- - I had four.
- You had four. - Anna, John, Jen and Aaron.
- Got it. - Don had three, Donny, Ally, and Molly. And then we adopted our youngest one, Sam. So we own him jointly. (all laughing)
- And we own him jointly. So do you like all of your kids? I am so for them.
- Really? - And I want them to know that. - And I know that might be an odd question but you know you can love a kid and to not always like them. - Right. There are, I mean there are kids who maybe are taking the long way home. You know, and there are kids that have taken the
little bit shorter route, and so the ones who are
taking the long way home it's hard to know how to
support them sometimes in decisions that are hard. And so it's just a journey
to sort of let them-- - Is it you want to fix it? - I wanna, I just want them to know, "Just do this and you're gonna be fine." - Do this and it will
result in this you know. - But can I tell you this and I've actually not shared this with anybody except my kids, so I haven't got it all figured out yet in my head, but I've been very convicted as the mom in some of
the choices that I make particularly around food. And yet I want to say to some of my kids who are taking the long way home, "All you need to do is--" because that looks easy to me. - Right.
- Yep. - But that's not my struggle. And just in the last two weeks, God has just kind of said to me, "Look, it's this simple. "You put less calories in your body "than you burn, you're gonna lose weight." That math is not gonna change. (laughing) It's one of my universal principles. And I have for 62 years wanted to do different math. And so in fasting for my children my fast is not away from something, but its towards something. And that is six things of protein, five starches because I
can't tell my other kids that I know its hard, but its worth it if I have not surrendered this in my life. It's a new place, it's so brand new, like I have blisters from it, you know? It's so brand new. - We never heard of any
sermons on gluttony. I didn't.
- No. - In fact preachers were all fat. (laughing) - I know.
- They're all gonna give the Lord challenges in the rapture I mean because they're so heavy. (laughing) No seriously.
- No, you know-- - But I did not know
until I went to college that gluttony was a sin.
- Yes, yes. - That's all we did was eat.
- How we nurture our bodies. - Thank you.
- Dinner's on the ground. - Yes and such good donuts, ha. - You know what's cool? I want to say this. How cool that you were
coming to that realization and then apply that to your relationships with your kids because then guess what? I mean for those taking the long way home, well, hey, mom's right
here shoulder to shoulder with this.
- Yes. - I think as kids, as adult
children, with our parents as they are still learning
things about themselves and presenting those
to us willingly as well man, that is such a
convicting thing for me because it's like okay, so mom and dad get to commune together. They're not controlling. They don't hold the answers, you know? - Right.
- We're all looking up. - You know my dad whose 84
just said to me the other day, he said, "I wish I had
known really in a sense "what a weak man I was growing up." - Really? - He said, "Because know
that at the age of 84 "has made me a stronger man." And he's 84 and it's
just what you just said. - You still learn.
- Still growing. - Yes.
- Himself. - Yes, still learning and still growing. - And alive.
- And yes. (guitar solo music) - I'm sure there were struggling times. When you were struggling and you can't let the kids
know you're struggling. How do you parent them when you are also struggling? - Well actually my wife and I decided that we were gonna let them know when we were struggling. - Oh really?
- And that age appropriately we might let them know what we were struggling with. But early on because they
know you're struggling. - And they need to know you're human. - They know that you're sad. They know that you're upset. And so I remember a time
when we told our kid, he was probably eight, I said, "Mommy and I are having a argument "like you and your brother have, "and it's going to take
a while to get through, "but we're gonna be okay, "but that's why our things
are a little tense." And he went, "Okay." You know.
- Wow. - But it kind of put words to what he was feeling.
- That's cool. - Again as they got older we might say, "This is what we're struggling with." And then they go, "Oh, okay." 'Cause I want to model for them that's it's okay for them to struggle. - Absolutely.
- Because if you don't you know and--
- How are they gonna know how to handle it when they are? - Exactly, and one of
the things that I think that I struggled with as a parent is that I believe that
maybe they can not have to struggle as much. - It's all part of it. - I want a short cut. I want them to be fixed, but-- - There are no short cuts. - There aren't. I really wish they were, Mark. I really wish they were, but they're not. - But it's not that long, 80 years. - I know.
- You know, you think compared to eternity
this is just bootcamp. That's all this is. - Isn't that true and yet it's a bootcamp that's difficult sometimes. And so we invite our sons into it. And I feel like that's been helpful to us because then they're not
when they come up against it, when it hits 'em in the
face, they're not surprised like, "Oh, my gosh, this happens?" Yeah, people betray you, things hurt. Bad things happens and it stings. People get mad at one another and even if they love each other. (guitar solo) - So going back to you
having conversations with your children through all the years and you and Don saying,
"This table, you know, "we talk here, we ask. "Ask questions, whatever." That's a foundation a helpful one it could be and should be for-- - Yes.
- Any family, right? - Yes.
- 'Cause there are families that don't talk--
- Right. - That had never had
divorce or remarriage or-- - Right and you don't know
how to start the conversation. 'Cause you don't start
the conversation with, so I know you made a really bad choice, life altering choice last week, should we talk about it? (laughing)
- Yeah. - You don't, you can't start there. - Yeah.
- What you do is you start when you're little and so when the kids were
little, we'd have dinner and we'd go around the table and say, "Tell me your high, low for the day. "What was good about the day? "What was hard about the day?" - Interesting. - And sometimes it was,
"Well recess was extra long. "That was the high and we
had green beans for lunch. "That was the low." But what you're setting,
you're setting the table for conversation so
that when the high lows get harder, you've already established the conversation. - Yeah you can't start
that in their teens. - No you can't. And listen to this. My mother, she knew she was loved, but she wasn't told the words a whole lot by her parents. And her biggest fear was
when she had children she was not going to be
able to say, "I love you." - Wow. - So when we were younger,
this makes me cry. So when we were little, she told me this just a number of years ago. She would go in our
rooms when we were asleep and she would practice
saying our name, I love you. She would practice that
so when the time came that we could hear it,
she had practiced it. Now, that is just an
amazing life lesson for me. - That is so sweet. - That even if it's hard
for us, we practice it. - Yes and to know that she
wasn't set up for that. - She wasn't set up for that.
- But yet she chose. - Yes.
- We can't actually choose something that is not-- - Which is amazing because
people who know my mother she's says I love you to everyone. (laughing)
- She's well rehearsed now. - Yes, yes, she got used to it. - But to hear that context was so sweet that you know, what you
don't know, learn it. Learn it. - Well you know, my dad, same thing. His parents never hugged him. He got on a train, leaving to college. He sees his best friend and
his father embrace, alright? - Right. - And he goes, it just blew him away. And he decided from that moment on he would hug his parents
every time he saw 'em. - He decided? - He decided.
- Wow. - He would grab his, my
grandparents were like Maw and Paw Kettle, you
remember Maw and Paw Kettle. You won't. She was a big, tall, German, busty woman and he was a little shrimp of a man, that was my grandparents. - Oh.
- And my dad would hug 'em and say, "I love you, Momma." And she'd stand there, you know. (laughing)
- That takes me back to when you were saying that now people are coming to you and Don for advice and you're like, "What." But what a gift, right? 'Cause through y'all's decisions, choices, when you say that's a result of that that people, is that a result of that? Or what, I don't know,
what goes through your mind when you think wow, we are now able to help someone else. - Well I think I'm so glad
God makes all things new. Something new like Ganisalapivy which is the silliest. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But out of all that, made something new. So I do feel like Don and I were willing to do the work and we were willing to put ourselves under some counsel and some leadership for a while and I think those pieces
are really important too. But now we get an opportunity to be that for other people and
them knowing our story, 'cause you know you can Google it. - Yeah, yeah.
- I mean it's just there. - It's there.
- Right. - Forever.
- Right. - But I think it does allow people to be freer with what they tell us because they can't shock us. - Yeah.
- Yeah. (laughing) - Like okay what else, what else? And so that's why we
have to tell our stories to each other. - Right. - So out of brokenness I think God can do just a miraculous things. - Show your scars. - The floodgates of communion. - I love that.
- They're all at the same table. - Don't block my shot. (all laughing) - I got a quote for you I gotta read this. - Okay.
- Okay it's Brené Brown. - Love it. - Imperfections are not inadequacies. They are reminders that we're all in this together. The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness, even our wholeheartedness actually depends on the integration of
all of our experiences including the falls. It feels like you guys are pointing us in a direction of hope, one
that exposes brokenness, - Yeah.
- But also it then therefore exposes grace. - Yes, yes. - So have you felt that
kind of spiritual impact. It could be just personally like you and your relationship with God or even as you communicate to people from a spiritual platform. - Yes.
- Like talking about spiritual things. - At first it was hard I think to share the brokenness, but when I began to see, like you said. People coming up and going, "You know, "that happened to me." Or you know, "I was abused
too when I was younger." And whispering it and
it's like all of a sudden it let's you be more brave, so the first thing I
want to be is just maybe help people put words to some brokenness in their own life. It's hard to speak out of the rawness that you're going through, unless you're of course, Mark likes it and then you know because there's a difference
between being emotional and then just having feelings about what has happened. And it's hard to speak out of a super raw, emotional place, but as
I began to be encouraged to talk about it, it just was amazing the freedom that came in me. 'Cause once you speak it out it no longer has hold on you right? - The cloud lifts. - Yes, and it offers an invitation to others to do the same, to be brave, and to take that first step. It's like, God only you could do something like this, only you. So, we just bring all of our stuff. We just bring it and allow him to reframe it and
reshape it and remold it. And it's really amazing. ♪ It is well ♪ ♪ It is well ♪ ♪ With my soul ♪ ♪ With my soul ♪ ♪ It is well ♪ ♪ It is well ♪ ♪ With ♪ ♪ My soul ♪ ♪ Amen ♪ ♪ Amen ♪ ♪ Amen ♪ ♪ Amen ♪ (applause) - And the nest is empty. - Honey I know our children well. - Now you can run naked through the house. - Well, I know--
(laughing) I know our children think worse so Oh, bless their hearts. They're so tired. They're so lonely. It's awesome. And then you got left here. - Oh, and also what I did the night before when I put Dee Dee's earrings on and walked up to her. Dee Dee had these gold,
had these big huge earrings and I just got this in my head. I would do anything (mumbles) And so I picked up the
earrings and put them on and walked up and said, "Hi, Sandi. "I'm Mark Lowry." And after a few more surgeries they say I'll look just like you. (laughing) Do you not remember that? - I don't. (laughing) - You were sick. You were sick. ♪ Oh for grace ♪ ♪ To trust him more ♪ Let's get a bus. - Let's do, no I'm retired. (laughing) (upbeat music)
