Bill Burr - Some People Need Lotion !

[Music] he has fun he is funny he's actually a very funny comedian yeah every controversial thing [ __ ] yeah he does he does he's very well spoken yeah he is man all right so look though we're going to show our homie bill bird man y'all don't know you know y'all yeah let's get this bill burt man i don't know what i'm saying bill birds bill bird me now i guess hey you say you got some friends that know bill bird bro not no billboard but uh heard of billboard who you said you you said oh yeah all my homies knew that was deviant it was like it was like you don't know who that is bro i was like bill burke guys i've never heard of bill burns y'all said react to bill burke i never watched him before so uh let's check this out i got to admit the only thing that freaks me out about los angeles is all the plastic surgery i don't get it why do people get plastic surgery you know why can't you just admit it's over you know you had your time stop trying to look [ __ ] in your 50s it's weird monitoring this faces yank back that is a good point looking all shiny right not to mention they haven't even figured it out you know why would you get a facelift can't you look at other facelifts and realize they haven't worked all the bugs out yet [Music] like you just lost three days ago don't be a hero let somebody else go in there take the [ __ ] beach you you lay back wait it out they're just lying to people i know it looks great it looks great put a little ice on it we'll see you in a couple weeks all right take it easy jesus christ what the [ __ ] happened followed every step did we miss something oh hey hey where's your keys here's your keys there you go recognize you you look so dumb all right take it easy no you're nuts you wait it out let them figure it out then you [ __ ] go in don't be a goddamn hero you know look at hair plugs hair plugs don't look half bad now saw this guy the other night on tv i got god i wish i did this 10 years ago it's like no you don't [Music] 10 years ago when they were stapling ant legs to the top of people's heads bro have y'all been to the mall and just seen the fakest booty like ever bro you go to the houston mall i've seen them man bro every floor is gonna have a fake like fake booty that's just so fat the gallery is it looks so ugly though bro it's like oh it's like some of them i was kind of like talking about like a drum booty like it's piercing it's gonna be hold guys would tap out after a row and a half [ __ ] it i don't give a [ __ ] you wish you got hair plugs 10 years ago do you wish you got polio 60 years ago no you don't [ __ ] with your face okay i understand liposuction they screw that up you can put on a shirt [Music] and then you lie to yourself i'm just gonna do it you can do this just get just get it you're gonna have this done no you're not you're not you're just gonna wax the fender in your car then that's it the rest of it looks all shitty well maybe i just do the hood and maybe i'll do the back that's what happens face all twisted up [ __ ] idiots okay look man they're idiots some way out there like i'm in my twenties you look weird you look crazy you're right though still look like you're in your 50s i just can't guess what year anymore because i've never seen that yet i've never it's almost like you discovered a new age between 52 and 53. yeah people there's nothing wrong with being 52 and looking 52 all right you're 52. you didn't get yeah would you rather be 52 and look 52 or be 52 and look i ain't gonna lie khloe kardashian got plastic surgery she looked so cold now yeah i know so chloe yes okay she does it way better so she looks good after she i seen she got her bbl removed first little booty again yeah i like the little booty sometimes guys i'm sorry i don't like the plastic boobies get back into this i don't like that look like a 28 year old lizard that's your option is it this point it's a 28 year old lizard you know a lot of people said this is their favorite one you know what's really this one's good really like actually uh embarrassing is that the facelift that's predominantly a white problem you notice that i've never seen a black person with a facelift ever other than like the jacksons but they're all out of their minds right your dad made him rehearse all day and sleep in the fireplace his face permanently twisted up from 50 years of screaming [ __ ] it's understandable with them hey do you know why so many whities need facelifts i love that word i'm trying to bring it back i love it it's funny you know what do you know why so many caucasians need facelifts because we don't know about lotion see that only half of you left that should have been everybody i've never thought about it what about lotion what is this lotion you speak of and what is the magic dare in just to put it out there you can use lotion on other parts of your body beside your but the rest of you was starting to look like an aging pirate because you need to increase the circumference of the lotion distribution all right you've got skin everywhere go check yourself out the bottom of your feet look like a prehistoric riverbed that's not part of the natural aging process you dry it out i'm not judging you i'm not judging anybody i didn't know anything about the first 33 years of my life you like skin guys you and you man you you don't have to use lotion like that man i use lotion every single day this guy back here though me and him we have to use lotion that's cause y'all just be this is the most i'm never asking curry who looks more like steph curry guys oh you live i'm looking at you one night i was going out with this black girl right now she's getting ready and she's just putting that [ __ ] on everywhere just slathering i feel like you've been worrying about lotion i used it the first 33 years of my life never used it until one night i was going out with this black girl right bro i'm sorry i'm sorry that's a good part but bill's married to a black woman bro that's crazy hey bills 33 years of my life never used it to one night i was going out with this black girl right she was getting ready and she was just putting that [ __ ] on everywhere she slap turned it on i thought she had like a rash or something like poison ivy what's going on she goes no just making sure i'm not ashy i said ashy she goes dry skin i went mom i guess i freaked her out a little bit because i was like ah white people get asked you too i was like yeah you know i don't think we do i've been alive for 33 years no one has ever said hey billy you're a little ashy i never even heard that word until you said it she's like you're an idiot stick out your arm so i stick out my arm and ever so gently she just drags her nails down this smoke starts coming up it's like pastry flakes flying on track marks she's signing her name she's like you see that she goes that's ashy your ass freak me out i'm like oh [ __ ] i'm ashy yo bill might have a crazy point right now i don't know anything what the [ __ ] do i get itchy i thought it went the bath towel was dirty that's what i've done and i would change it out and put a fresh one now i'm gonna be okay take a shower dry off [ __ ] itching again god damn it i hate the winner see that that's why you gotta hang out with everybody [Music] there's too much information in the world and every group of people misses a little bit yeah white people totally miss the lotion seminar at some point in history i don't know if it's cause we can't see it you know so funny bro black people get asked she looks like they like leaned up against a chalkboard or something you know they could see it they missed it their friends help them out like look at your ashy [ __ ] elbow what is wrong with you that's how it starts bill knows man [ __ ] the way black people miss the whole register your weapons summit i just never got the information the amount of rappers who've been busted for the unregistered glock in the car just blows my mind it's like why would you do that to yourself you just want to make an album over the phone is that what it is is that like the new auto tune or some [ __ ] i don't know oh no it breaks my heart every time i see it i just think god if he just had one white friend had one white friend in his entourage who would have been sitting there going like is that thing registered what do you do get it out of there get it out of there dancing feels right mandatory dude how do you how do you not know that that's the question how do you not [ __ ] know this ridiculous okay lay off the booze do some cardio moisturize you gotta be fine okay don't believe in these myths black don't crack it's [ __ ] they all put lotion on like every 20 minutes during the day it's ridiculous you don't get a giant oil drum of the [ __ ] at home every morning they wake up they dump themselves in it shake themselves off and walk out the door absolutely glistening listening white guys like me are walking around no hat on ah let's go sailing passing out face down in the sand looks like flapjack broke reaction all right though guys man yeah yeah guys i know go to our instagram follow us guys uh we got some stuff coming for you guys and now we're out of here though man uh drop the comments we're gonna do that philly run if y'all want that figurine so let us know man get got here

Channel: CartierFamily

Views: 659,095

Keywords: BillBurr, Lotion

Id: AZY5TIH2LV8

Length: 12min 52sec (772 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 29 2022