-President Biden used
his first State of the Union address to
condemn Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine
and warned Putin that he has no idea
what the U.S. and its allies will do next. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ I have to say it just seems
exhausting to be a Republican
politician these days. Every minor inconvenience
is somehow a secret plot to cancel you or indoctrinate
you into becoming an Antifa Marxist woken-ista, and I don't know what that is,
but I think it's bad. Everything is a perceived slight and you have to be constantly
outraged all the time. Like yesterday, for example,
Senator Marco Rubio skipped President Biden's first
State of the Union address, where the President laid
out his plans for, among other things,
deterring a brutal dictator, who's invading
a sovereign country and dealing
with a global pandemic. And Rubio said it was because he didn't want to
get tested for COVID. -Not every Republican is here. Marco Rubio, the Republican
senator from Florida, said he wouldn't be attending because he didn't have time
to get tested. -Senator Rubio told
another media outlet he wasn't taking
a COVID 19 test because he didn't
have time for it. -I'm sorry what?
You don't have time to get your nose swabbed
for 10 seconds, but there's two
possibilities here. One, Marco Rubio is a bozo
pandering to a base that somehow thinks
a 10-second nose swab is an act of tyranny. Or two,
he's been taking the wrong test. [ Laughter ] In which case I empathize
with this poor man. I don't have time to go inside
that big metal tube and get spooked by
all the banging. Oh Marco, you've been
taking an MRI? Oh man. You mean
when these people? Maybe it's the same reason
they're anti-mask too. You know, Marco has probably
been wearing it over his eyes. Banging is nuts in the stuff
10, 20 times a day. And here I am,
giving him a hard time. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry. Look, it sucks for normal people who have to wait
in long lines for COVID tests, but Rubio is a senator it would
literally taken 30 seconds. I can tell you, because I still
get tested three times a week, even though I've had
three shots and got COVID, I'm basically super immune now. The other day,
just to test my immune system, I got on the F train,
took my mask off and did this. And I didn't get COVID,
I did catch mange. Which isn't great, but,
you know, I still prove my point. Again, this was a joint address
to Congress and yeah, I'm a little lightheaded
from how I breathed. It's touch and go now,
whether or not I'll make it through the "Look." And again, this was
a joint address to Congress, where the president
praised brave Ukrainians for resisting
Russian aggression and laid out his plan
to deter Putin, among many other things.
And Rubio just skipped it because he didn't want
to get his nose swabbed. I mean, sorry, man, but you don't get to say
no thanks when you have
an important work meeting. Certainly the rest of us
don't have that option. I can't just skip
our show's annual Respect
in the Workplace Meeting because I don't want
to get a COVID test. Even our cue card guy,
Wally couldn't skip it. Although he definitely
put in the bare minimum effort by zooming
into the meeting, and this is 100% real
while lying on his bed. [ Laughter, applause ] Again, this is a real
a real screenshot from a Respect
in the Workplace Meeting. We'll even put an arrow in
so you can see where he is. And if that shot looks familiar,
that's because he showed up at the State of the Union
last night. -I think I have a better idea
to fight inflation. Lower your cost, not your wages. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Laughter ] -So, Rubio, now you're doing it
with the cards, Wally? -Yeah. Hey, Seth, you know,
from what I remember, I'm pretty sure the Respect
in the Workplace Seminar also said you shouldn't
tease employees on national TV. -Put the cards up, Wally!
-Alright. [ Light laughter ] -So Rubio couldn't be bothered
to show up to a State of the Union address. Meanwhile, some of the
Republicans who did show up were disruptive ass[bleep]
like Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene. First, they pulled the dumb
stunt where they turned their back on Biden's cabinet
as they entered the chamber. Although, I genuinely can't tell
if they're turning their backs or if they are just wasted and
don't know which way to look. I mean, they have the vibe
and posture of two college sophomores
at a party looking for a friend
who left hours ago. [ Imitates female voice ]
Jessica! [ Laughter ] Jessica. [ Normal voice ]
And was that supposed to
be a powerful statement? You don't look like
you're turning your backs, so you look like
you're waiting for your Uber after getting kicked out of an
Applebee's on St. Patrick's Day for drinking one, too many
Tipsy Leprechauns. By the way, that is a real thing
you can order an Applebee's. It's the drink most offensive
to Irish people since they stopped serving
their IRA themed sparkling wine. The Troubles Bubbles. [ Laughter ] Aaanyway.
[ Laughter ] Greene and Boebert
weren't done there, they later heckled Biden
during the part of his speech on immigration by yelling
"Build the wall" at him. They were drowned out
by applause, but there's a photo of them
yelling during the speech where they look like
too overbearing Little League moms berating
their kids from the stands. [ Imitates mom yelling ]
Come on, Tyler, you
got to catch that! This is T-ball, Tyler! [ Normal voice ] Now that
picture might make you angry, but if I've learned anything. Any one thing from watching
"Real Housewives," it's that two white ladies this erratic will eventually
turn on one another. [ Laughter ] Oh, sure, they agree now,
but you wait, you just wait. [ As Greene] Did you take my
"stop the steal" mask? [ As Boebert ] I borrowed it. [ As Greene ]
Well, stop the borrow! [ Normal voice ] All these
people want is attention, and they're willing to do
anything to get it, including yelling
at the President during an address to the nation. And look, I don't care
that much about decorum. I do care about
not being annoying. And these two are some of
the most annoying people I've ever seen
on the national stage. I mean, they're like
a nonstop national hangnail. They remind me of the kids
in high school who thought they should be
starring in the school musical, even though they couldn't
sing for [bleep] so they'd be in the background,
wearing a tree costume and would just creep up stage
during the final number. And then as for the Democrats, there was Senate Majority
Leader Chuck Schumer, who preemptively started
applauding a line Biden's speech before Biden
actually got to it, producing this awkward moment. -Unlike the $2 trillion tax
cut passed in the previous administration that benefited the top
one percent of Americans the American Rescue Plan -- [ Booing ] The American Rescue Plan
help working people and left no one behind. -He looked like the overeager
dad at the high school play who tries to start an ovation
for his two weird nieces. How about them? They didn't know all the words,
but they sure have moxie. No? Okay. Now, it won't surprise you
to hear that Biden began his speech
with a strong denunciation of Vladimir Putin's
invasion of Ukraine. He applauded the bravery
and courage of Ukrainians defending their country
and announced plans to go after the wealth
of Russian oligarchs with an ad-libbed line
at the end, teasing that there's potentially
more to come. -Tonight,
I say to the Russian oligarchs and the corrupt leaders
who bilked billions of dollars off this violent regime,
"No more." The United States -- [ Cheers and applause ] I mean it. The United States'
Department of Justice is assembling
a dedicated task force to go after the crimes
of the Russian oligarchs. We're joining
with European allies to find and seize their yachts, their luxury apartments,
their private jets. We're coming for your
ill begotten gains, and tonight I'm announcing
that we will join our allies in closing off American airspace
to all Russian flights. Further isolating Russia and adding additional squeeze
on their economy. [ Applause ] -Whoa, that's quite the tease. Putin has no idea what's coming. Looks like someone
prepped for his speech by watching "Taken" again.
[ Laughter ] Also, I'll be impressed
if that's true, because villains like Putin
always like to think they know what's coming.
I'm betting no one's ever seen Putin make a shocked expression
in his life. I don't even know
what that would look like. Can you imagine throwing
a surprise party for him? Surprise! [ As Putin ] No, not surprise. I read your text
for the last month. Also, I do not like clapping
for birthdays, Chuck. Better Chuck, better. [ Normal voice ]
And true to Biden's word, today, the Justice Department
followed through and announced a new task force to go after Russian elites
called KleptoCapture to track down wealth
of sanctioned Russian oligarchs aimed at ensuring the U.S.
can seize the money of sanctioned
Russian elite tied to Putin. Now, the name KleptoCapture
is a reference to capturing the wealth
of Russian kleptocrats. So we're going after oligarchs,
plutocrats, and kleptocrats. I'm sorry,
but why do we have so many different words
for rich criminal? I feel like I have to walk
around with a damn thesaurus all day
just to understand the news. Why can't we just call it
the Taking Money From Suspiciously Wealthy
Beet Farmers Task Force? [ Laughter ] KleptoCapture sounds like
the name of a lesser known Bond movie from the '80s
starring Roger Moore. [ British accent ]
Bad news, James. After
you defeated Moonraker, they came up with an even
more powerful weapon. It's called KleptoCapture.
[ As Bond ] What does it do? [ British accent ] Hold on, let
me flip through my thesaurus. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
But there's certainly a lot
of elite Russian wealth to go after,
in addition to the yachts and condos and private jets,
the U.S. and its allies are also going after
a special type of passport that apparently only rich
oligarchs get to use. -There will be a trans-Atlantic
international task force to target wealthy Russians
who have luxury yachts, luxury apartments,
and use golden passports. Those are the things
that essentially allow you to become a citizen
of another country to either hide your wealth
or escape Russia. There's such a thing
as a golden passport. I guess that would explain
why every time I go to JFK, there's a special line
of security filled with Russian oligarchs complaining about
how slow the TSA is. [ Brooklyn accent ]
Shoes and belts off. [ Russian accent ]
But I have golden passport. [ Brooklyn accent ] Buddy,
I don't care if you got the golden goose. Shoes and belts off
and no liquids. [ Russian accent ]
But golden passport
allowed me four ounces. [ Brooklyn accent ] Willy Wonka
over here got a golden passport. Willy Wonkavich over here. What are you taking
the glass elevator? You got one ticket? Yeah, I'm reading
a lot of Roald Dahl at home. [ Normal voice ]
Now, Biden is anticipating
that some of these sanctions and the instability caused
by the conflict may contribute to inflation and rising
gas prices, among other things. So we took a moment to speak
directly to the American people and tried to reassure them
that everything would be fine. -To all Americans,
I'll be honest with you, as I always promised I would be,
a Russian dictator aff-- invading a foreign country
has cost around the world. And I'm taking robust action
to make sure the pain of our sanctions
is targeted at Russian economy. And that we use every tool
at our disposal to protect American businesses
and consumers. These steps will help blunt
gas prices here at home, but I know news about
what's happening can seem
alarming to all Americans. But I want you to know
we're going to be okay. We're going to be okay. -You know, things aren't
exactly going great when the President adopts
the tone of a husband who just told his wife he blew all their
money at the racetrack. "We're going to be okay, baby.
I've got a plan. My buddy, Chuck and I
are going to start a business selling fake Nike's
in Times Square." Chuck, tell her
how good the plan is." Chuck!
Oh, Chuck, come on. Don't do me like this man." Last night, Biden applauded the bravery and courage
of the Ukrainian people and laid out
a strong response to Russia that will punish them
financially while being careful to avoid
any direct military conflict that could drastically
escalate the situation which no one wants.
And yet some Republicans couldn't even be bothered
to show up, while others were just
disruptive jerks. Every time I remember
these insane people are elected officials,
I have to look in the mirror and tell myself
we're going to be okay. This has been "A Closer Look." ♪♪ God's Love We Deliver
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