BEST OF Peter Kay: Live at the Manchester Arena GREATEST HITS (Part 1)

my mum's in tonight so i don't have to give her three rings well i know i'm safe you ever do that game on three rings let her know you're safe and after second ring she picks it up so what's pointing to that i rang out of the week from london where are you i said i'm in london you don't sound like you in london so what do you want chasing dave singing rabbit behind me i saw that huh it's new girl and i love it went from rings about half past 10 at night and you bought up who the hell's this who the hell is this who's this ringing at this time who the hell is this pick it up you'll never know point it who's this it's wrong goth run goth 4471 the caller with hell the number or when someone rings you they're trying to give you a formula but you can never find a pen there's never a pen there's always one pen never works i've just got i'll just get a pen this thing on just get a pen pen pen have you got a pen love the bloody pens i've had in this house the bloody pens have had in this house i don't want an eyeliner i want a pen i'm on the phone don't start a coach that's mine you always end up with a little blue shitty lottery pens about that big pen i've got go on sorry i've got a pen though oh jesus somebody's chewed through end of it somebody's bitten through the end of it so no every time you try and write the nib goes up inside so now you've got a carve the number into paper now three or seven two nine i'm gonna buy a box of pens and i'm gonna put them on that piss in front here but i'll tell you now i go up on sundays for me dinner i went last sunday because she had a big chicken but i don't go every sunday i don't go every sunday because when she gets extra family she's got to get the emergency cheers out oh every family has them emergency chairs they usually get a mouse at christmas and birthdays when you get extra farm with a little back bedroom upstairs i was driving to my mum's on christmas day i saw a block crossing over bury road in bolton he had a in his mouth and two dining room bring some chairs i'm not going to have chairs bring that little poof bring that little poof around i don't know with him everyone's at different sizes rope table nothing matches she is all about big tall bar stool it's the nose bleed up here what do you want gravy a friend of mine had a phone call one afternoon shout out family around hello hello what'd you say i can't tell if we just turn that television down i'm on the phone here what are you saying right don't i can't see your love just hang on took phone outside what did you say how big are your tits it was a dirty phone call and she dragged him wrong oath for the third and final time oh big i'm going to pay for it i'm going to pay for you there's a qrx side let's be pixie pits have gone what a pitch what then you talk quicker you try and cram it all in off that pip since welcome back i'm going to go over there sunday afternoon then i'll get ready for school on monday morning have a bath get me heard right watching out to art and magnum my sister will be upstairs back bedroom taping top 40 off radio do you ever do that on sundays take charts and try and stop it before he speaks that's the skill that that's a skill ultrabox vienna is a non-mover off five star rain and shine he's done two places okay come on do her on dance routines in a bedroom from samurai dancing i'll come up there and give you something lady jane i'm trying to watch highway down here got school disco on a thursday night have a bottle of 20 20 behind a skit white lightning and piston don't give a come on never going to give you oh never gonna let you down never gonna run around desert you too many broken hearts in the world too many dreams you're doing it wrong watch me we'll take the calipers off what's the matter with enjoy yourself i will give thank you you ever dip your biscuit in your teen it breaks give it to that i swear to god no you never get used to that as you get older and you dip your biscuit in it because you don't know when it's gonna fall and you panic when it falls it's like outer body it's like slow motion moon get a spoon me [Music] real big stinky [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] uh reach to your bad for that rich tea are the worst ones it should be called one dips rich tea that's all you get one dip you feel like lining the worst ones reach to jeff get four together get a good chance of getting a dip in there's no backbone i'm willing to have a bit of backbone like come on oh guys too hard it's too hard you're a biscuit it's your job texting's bad texting's the devil takes all your life text him i sit at night me with my phone on amit coach looking every few seconds just to see if someone's text me billy nominees vodafone have new offers if you would like all bolster offers i want friends that's what i want that offers but when you text you tech crap what are you watching what are you what are you watching big brother so am i oh no we're in the same room send send are you doing i'm sending this i've got a full signal saying i'm going to get higher then put on their asses and the cocky the cocky they don't even fit into your cup you've got to buy tip it off but get them in your brew they're not like oblobs you see that's a different classic biscuit a knob knob help blobs are like marines of knobs well that's a yes they like steven seagal at biscuit world and obnob you're different knob knob is that again again dip it again dip it again i'm going nowhere me some dip it dip it damn it the drink after you brew the drink where's my broom coming you don't get me i'll drink the bastard again again [Applause] you always leave loads of at the bottom of your cupboard answer machines and all people that's not a good combination i find we've never been on rings hello hello hello hello don't like these bloody things hello peter i don't think he's early oh hello it's your granddad hello having a conversation let's forget walker our answering machine at home says please leave your name and number after the beat hello my name is mum and my number like you're not going to know your own mum i got my mom a cordless phone for a birthday and i keep saying when we've had a conversation and you want to angle you've got to push the red button right do i not just put it back in its holster as well holster it's a phone not a gun why you on a man push the red button because if you don't push it you're not hung up you're still on the line and i can't make a call from our house because i could still hear you in the room with your i was talking to pat's about menopause i've had i've tried hrt but i've tried hrt [Music] i can hear every word can you hear that can you hear voices that's a hair character that's a hair character it's not it's us the borrowers put the phone down we're all really exciting boys i tell you it's not one thing it's your [Applause] mother you

Channel: Peter Kay

Views: 64,371

Rating: 4.8964243 out of 5

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Id: -LmfyRXa1VE

Length: 12min 8sec (728 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 27 2021