Bad Advice: Part 3 - "How to Commit Adultery" with Craig Groeschel - Life.Church

we are live Church one church meeting in multiple locations and reaching around the world with the help of Church online if you'd like to learn more if you have any questions all you have to do is visit us online simply by going to Life Church coming up today our senior pastor Craig Groeschel will help us understand that when we find ourselves in compromising situations and rationalize those decisions that's a very quick way for us to find ourselves in an adulterous relationship and we want to know how to avoid that and today we'll learn just that in part three of the message bad advice what we're actually doing is we're looking at some bad advice who goes to church to get bad advice the honest thing is when you actually look at your lives so often the way that we actually live implies that we are taking bad advice but I want to do is I actually want to show very direct bad advice in the context of the church to illustrate just how bad it is then we're going to take some good advice or some godly advice apply it to our lives and I believe that God will make a big big difference as we dive in today I need a little help from all of our churches how many of you are married would you lift up your hands right now you're married fantastic fantastic how many are not married but would maybe not mind being married one day lift up your hands if you will leave them up leave them up put them high put up up eyes scan the room just one look around right now just stay in the room look around you may make some eye contact and we may have a connection today if you are married or wouldn't mind being married there's one more question how many of you have a goal to commit adultery one day when I could all three mess around fool around on the side get a little action on the side how many would say I plan on doing that one day interesting interesting how no one would say they actually plan on committing the sin of adultery and yet people do it all the time the fact that none of you say well this is something that I actually plan on doing I think one day you know I am going to potentially risk losing my marriage and losing the respect of my children and hurting my reputation and ripping the name of Jesus through the mud the fact that none of you plan on doing this would probably imply that you embrace the truth from Exodus chapter 20 verse 14 one of the Ten Commandments when God said you shall not do what somebody help me you shall not commit adultery in fact even if you go outside of what we would call the Christian world and you just take the general population even including people that would not consider themselves religious even 90 percent of the general population agrees that adultery is always wrong the vast majority of people whether Christian or not believed that adultery is a sin and yet according to one study I read according to the Journal of psychology and Christianity up to 65% of husband's and 55% of wives will commit a dirt adultery if you want to say Wow go ahead and say it Wow okay that's painful that's a lot that's that's devastating to see there are a lot of different studies that admittedly that one is more extreme but that will cause you to pause and to get your attention that's a lot of people now my intent today is not to induce fear or anxiety always my spouse couldn't cheat or this or that or the other instead what I want to do is I want to teach a message that unfortunately I really wish I didn't have to but as a pastor who works with people all the time this is a massive massive massive problem and even though you don't plan to do this the vast majority of so many people actually do I want to address this today and I want to give you a little bit of bad advice so the godly advice will really really stand out what tends to happen if someone says I'm never gonna do this and yet they do what tends to happen well what might happen is I'm married and I'm kind of happily married and then one day I'm taking my marriage for granted I don't really value my spouse as much as I used to I kind of drifted my heart I read something maybe I shouldn't read see something I shouldn't see I meet someone else who's kind of interesting but you know no big deal we find common interest we start enjoying time together I started anticipating my time with this person we get a little bit excited about it we invent reasons to meet spend some more time together well suddenly we accidentally kind of brush and touch the next thing you know we're doing something else if one day you wake up and you travel a long long distance you didn't never mean to end up over here you didn't have a plan to move in that direction but somehow someway you cross several lines and woke up in real real real trouble if you want to have a great marriage if you're very very blessed and one day you want to potentially risk it all let me give you some really bad advice and show you in three quick steps how you can commit adultery step number one if you're taking notes it's very important I want to encourage you to neglect your marriage if you don't want to have intimacy in your marriage you want to potentially lead yourself to do something stupid neglect your marriage it's very simple just find something else to give your best to it can be anything else at all it can be a hobby it can be your job it can be your yard it can be social media you can obsess about people you don't even know it's so exciting and easy to do you can get all into fitness where it's all about your body it can even be your children this is a great thing because children are a good thing and you can obsess about your kids just whatever you do neglect your marriage I also want to encourage you to let yourself go you know if you used to take care of yourself just don't do that anymore take your spouse completely for granted don't talk don't have any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever don't share your feelings don't open up and physical intimacy if you have to do it with each other make it boring make it predictable same approach same whatever and that's all I'm going to say because there may be kids in the room but you know what I'm talking about just be a dud in the bedroom and neglect your marriage what's funny if somebody wants to say Amen but that would be very very weird just this is that advice how do you committed Elfi step number one neglect your marriage tip number two this is great enjoy common interests and form an emotional bond with someone else came for common interest in an emotional bond with somebody else so what you want to do I'm someone who might possibly be interesting or attractive and do a lot of things with them it could be a project at work it could be that you're in some fitness class together that's a really great place to meet people and connect and what you want to do is you wanted to spend time with them and tell yourself well he understands me she likes my jokes my spouse doesn't enjoy me or get me in this way and so you start to bond with them emotionally which is so easy because you've been neglecting your spouse and you've got emotional needs right and this person is starting to meet them okay now whatever you do hide this from your spouse don't let your spouse know about the other person and then what you want to do is you want to anticipate time together start thinking about if I go there at this time and walk by the desk they're always there they always get coffee at this time and you anticipate the time together with this person ladies if you don't mind maybe dress a little bit you know show something guys suck in the gut walk by with a little show some some flirt a little bit your ladies do the the hair thing guys I don't know what it is but you know what I'm saying flirt make it interesting accidently brush you know grab the pen and oh okay make it really really fun text after work direct message then is really really fun and hey if you want to make it spiritual and this is really really good for Christians tell them I'm praying for you I've got you on my heart Oh God is just leading me to care for you spiritually oh this will really really work okay neglects your marriage does this kind of gross admit but anyway just work with me this is bad advice neglect your marriage enjoy common interest and form an emotional bond and number three make excuses and rationalize your actions make excuses blame your spouse this works every time well he would meet my knees well she would pay some attention to me well if I wouldn't have it did put up with this you know what all the time and just blame your spouse and that helps you to feel better about yourself tell yourself that well I'm not happy anyway and God wants me happy no matter what okay that this is the highest and best calling is that I would be happy tell yourself this and this is really really important when it comes to adultery tell yourself you'll never actually go through with it this is really just harmless this is just playful this is flirting it's not any really big deal and then if you really get close to it tell yourself well maybe this other relationship is what was meant to be maybe this is what God really intended for me may I pause for a moment in case anybody walked into church late and say that I was being very sarcastic and that was bad advice some someone just leaned over to their wife heard about these New Age churches these swinger churches everything I heard about Life Church is true okay who's this bad advice this is bad advice this is bad advice but cannot we all admit that none of us plan to betray the one that we promised before God to do life with for better for worse richer poorer sickness and health okay none of us plan to do that and yet what happens people do it all the time why they were actually living this bad advice what I want to do is I want to turn the tables and I want to talk about some godly advice and give you a few things to put into your heart that I believe can be very beneficial to some people you may be sixteen years old and this may come into play ten years from now and so I want to give you three thoughts to do whatever it takes to avoid adultery thought number one if you're taking notes I want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to radically reduce the risks to radically reduce the risks in fact when we talk about sexual sin it's interesting to me that every other type of sin in the Bible tells us like to fight it and to resist it with sexual sin it's the only sin that doesn't say fight or resist you know what the Bible says with sexual sin flee run run Forrest run don't stand around and try to fight it don't resist it but get your hind in out of Dodge it's what the Bible says flee from sexual immorality why because all other sins Paul says you commit her outside the body this one is actually different this one is very very different and so we flee from sexual immorality in fact in proverbs chapter 5 the father is speaking to his son about the adulterous woman and here's what the father says to his son to radically reduce the risk the father says keep a path somebody help me out he says keep a path far from her do not go near the door of her house essentially what's he saying a lot of times say well I'm not really doing anything wrong I mean this is kind of innocent well I didn't really mean this well this is just kind of fun well this is harmless nothing's really gonna happen well this is okay well everybody understands what everybody does this is what happens is you end up crossing line after line after line after line and you think well I haven't committed adultery yet the line is way over here but we need to understand that the life or sin actually exists right here the life or sin starts before we commit an action it actually starts in our minds and it starts in our hearts even before we do something it starts with a mindset for so many people the line of sin is in the wrong place we need to make sure we know the line starts in the mind and in the eyes and in the heart that's why Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 he said I tell you that anyone who does what let's say this allowed anyone who looks at a woman lustfully what does that man already done he's already committed adultery with her in his heart where does the line start it starts right here starts in the heart starts in the eyes it starts in the mind long before you ever act it's all about what's in the heart so those of you who are married I asked early if you're married you raise your hand here's a kind of a good litmus test if your spouse were to see a video of everything you do all day everything is recorded guess what it probably yes okay there's video cameras everywhere but if they saw everything that you said and everything that you did all day long would they be blessed by your interactions or would they be Hertz really a powerful thing did you kind of laugh at a joke that you shouldn't have laughed at did you say something sort of inappropriate to someone at work were you being entertained by something that would be hurtful or all day long were you honoring God and honoring your spouse in a way that your spouse would look honest I am so thankful for my wife the way the way she had I'm so thankful for my husband he obviously treasures me and honors God and all that he does now for those of you that are not married you like going oh easy week at church I still get a pass okay SiC it on those married people no no no no no come up at your business for a second okay if your future spouse saw the way you interacted with people today was your future spouse be blessed and pleased because some of you are doing some things right now that a future spouse may look on go oh it's kind of painful ask yourself if the line of sin starts way back here am i rationalizing all types of sin or am i recognizing that sin actually starts in the eyes the mind and in the heart so here's just a few kind of bullet point thoughts to help radically reduce the risk if we want to stay far away from temptation here's some bullet point thoughts to do so the first one is this let me encourage you to keep a growing relationship with Christ let's start there if you've ever married what could be more powerful than intimate spiritual time every single day with your spouse whether you're sharing what God is showing you in the word whether you're praying together before you go off to work whether you're blessing a meal together talking about spiritual things with your kids but when you're sharing spiritual intimacy and you continue to grow this is a great way to reduce the rest of you doing something that could be hurtful in your relationship another one if you're taking notes is this never be alone with the wrong people never be alone with the wrong people and if I can just get off on this this what this will offend some of you and you're gonna think I'm stupid and blah blah blah blah blah whatever just email me at Craig and I don't give a rip calm some real email address and there's an auto-response that comes back to you that says I really don't give a rip try it if you want I don't give a rip but I know a lot of you will say this is stupid but listen in my world we are simply I would never be alone with a with a woman in any kind of anywhere I just wouldn't be especially you know traveling in a car going on the trip and what's I know that that many of you perhaps most of you work in environments where this is normal and accepted but just because it's normal does not mean this wise okay I mean you travel with someone you know to some other place stay in a hotel room go to lunch with someone on a business lunch and you're sitting across the table having an intimate conversation travel in a car and I know this is very common in the workplace and almost expected and again just because this expected does not mean it's wise and you're sitting in an environment with someone just talking intimately listen this is foolish stupid on steroids okay I had two guys in particular in yours paths come up to me and say great it kind of in my inner circle got grosser that's the stupidest thing ever you're too extreme blah blah blah let me tell you what both guys committed adultery okay call it stupid both guys who made fun of me to my face did this listen you can be wise or you can be foolish and foolish people always often end up in trouble so what we want to do is keep a path far from it another thing is this never talk bad about your spouse just don't do it don't talk bad about your spouse with yourself okay and especially can I just say just because this is where we live in don't post something bad about them on Facebook they don't do be wise your spouse is often becoming what you say about them if you're saying good things they often grow into it you're saying bad things that you know it is another thing is surround yourself with strong marriages you become like those you're around surround yourself with people they're growing spiritually surround yourself with those that can speak life into you what I want to do is I want to be around people I want to become like if you're around people that are always trash-talking their spouses always you know going out and doing stupid things getting wasted and putting themselves in bad environments what you are is you're surrounding yourself with bad company we know what scripture says it bad company corrupts good character and then finally avoid all inappropriate places and situations just don't go where you might be tempted and you might be on a business trip and everybody's going out to the bar for drinks you know what you might just sit that one out someone might private message you an ex from years ago oh I'm in town and just want to say hello delete delete delete delete delete delete okay you might be struggling with looking at lustful images on on your iPad or some device will then get accountability for it and block that you may be in a job right now we're actually flirting with danger someone in there could be a potential okay you know what asked to be moved go to a different department if you're in danger I honestly would advise you to get another job if you have to it's easier to find another job than it is to rebuild a 20-year marriage after you do something stupid okay be wise be wise be wise be wants do whatever it takes to radically reduce the risk number two I want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to invest passionately in your marriage passionately proverbs 5 verse 18 and 20 says may your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth a loving doe a graceful deer may her breasts satisfy you always may you be what I love this word may you be intoxicated with her love while my son be intoxicated with another man's wife what is the Father saying essentially hey hey if the looks greener somewhere else it's time to water your own yard that bit be intoxicated with the love of your own spouse in fact I love the word of a Hebrew that's translated as intoxicated is the worst cigar everybody say cigar when you say it you have to say it like this my god I gotta have the attitude doesn't work if you'll have that give me some attitude shut up are you good okay you got it you got it you got the saga okay this word it can mean to be ravished it means to be captivated it means to be enraptured it means to be consumed that the little word literally means like like a bigger animal attacking and devouring the small animal and that's how your love should be shaaka and raptured captivated consuming okay I'll be real honest with you 25 years of marriage to my best friend there's more cidade and there used to be there's there's there's more and it's really we just celebrated 25 years of marriage and I was telling Amy I said you know thank you I was telling Amy that uh we were crazy in love when we got married she goes yeah that was puppy love yo we got quarter-century love now gaga gaga somebody say shy gah okay if you see you consistently invest in your own marriage so I've got a few thoughts about this one is make sure you guard your alone time I'm telling you what the difference between just taking one night every week and saying this is our night no kids time together it's a total and complete GameChanger get time alone get spiritual again you pray together then it's it's a game changer you talk about what God is doing it's a game changer get alone get spiritual it didn't make it can I say that in church at least two or three times a week okay I'm saying I'm dead serious in fact if I could have Amy talk to you about this it would sound much better coming from her because she talks to women quite passionately about this and says this is one of the greatest gifts that you can give and receive in sharing all types intimacy and it's a massively important part of relationships you may say right now some of you well my buckets kind of empty well maybe true okay fill your bucket fill his bucket let him fill your bucket start now do whatever it takes if you had something special at one time you can have it again I promise you if you had something special and you don't have it now you were doing something then that you're not doing now start doing again what you once did start doing again what you once did do whatever it takes to invest passionately in your marriage and number three do whatever it takes to visualize the potential destruction if you do stray you want to be faithful just think ahead think what could happen if you choose to betray your spouse and commit the sin of adultery proverbs chapter five verses three through five the father says this to the son about the adulterous woman he says this for the lips of an adulteress drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil but in the end she is bitter as gall sharp as a double-edged sword to cut you up okay her feet do what they go down to death her steps lead where they lead straight to the gray may I just go ahead and switch the sex just for fun and say the adulteress man does the same thing his feet go down to death his steps lead straight to the grave all you have to do when you're caught up oh but this is fun oh but this is innocent oh maybe this is meant to be oh maybe I made a mistake earlier maybe this one just visualized the destruction imagine gentlemen sitting down with your kids and saying well kids here's why I can't live with you anymore picture that conversation ladies imagine this kids well you know you're dad's best friends we spend a little bit too much time together imagine the conversation imagine the conversation I can honestly say that in 25 years of marriage to Amy I've never been tempted or even close to betraying her in in this way ever and the reason is because I've stayed really really far from it what I do in my mind occasionally is I just just to be wise go down the path of if I did betray her in this way what would happen visualize the destruction and let me tell you what would happen I would betray the name of my Savior who gave his life for me I would crush and hurt and devastate untold thousands of you who actually believe that there is a pastor who is really trying to honor God with the power of the Holy Spirit and get things right it would be a national news story for two three four days and everybody would talk about it for a little wild be another Church scandal that's the easy part the more difficult part is one day I would stand before God and give an account after all they trusted me with I would have to look at the woman who's given me six kids and been more faithful to me than I could ever imagine and look into the eyes I can't even go there of six children to married and they look to us as role models examples and said we want to have a marriage like you have one day and twenty five years of that would be thrown in the trash in moments of selfishness visualize the destruction because Satan is on the prowl and he wants to steal kill and destroy everything that matters to God and marriage really really matters to God so some of you will still be in a place do you think well I'm gonna you know you know whatever I'm gonna go with this okay bi man if we're gonna fall in love and we're gonna live happily ever after okay I want to show you some statistics of your odds and go ahead and put these in your pipe and smoke it okay you want to go ahead do it do it okay what percentage of people actually marry the forbidden lover you're gonna go leave your spouse and go marry this person well three percent of those who commit adultery actually marry the forbidden lover what percentage of those marriages end in divorce a cool seventy-five percent three out of four there's some good odds for you so what are the odds of a lasting marriage with this other person point zero seven five if you've got less than one percent of a chance why because what you have is a relationship built on lies and deceit that's what you have do you do not have trust you do not have integrity you do not have Christ you have a relationship that is built on lies and deceit that is what you have now I know there's some tears right now and the whole time I've been talking about this I'm very aware but there are a lot of people who have been hurt significantly because of this type of sin and temptation and I want you to know those of you who have been betrayed that breaks the heart of God and it breaks my heart I also know that there are those of you that have betrayed a spouse and many of you are wanting to heal from this and grow through it and I want to encourage you that the grace of God is very very very real there is no condemnation now for those who are in Christ Jesus you're not judged you're not pushed away that if there is deep and true repentance there's absolute and complete healing the arms of God are open wide if you'll come back to him in fact I want to end with some really really good news because we talked about some stuff that's very painful and very hard and the good news is this if you're taking those the really good news is this even when we are unfaithful what is God God is always faithful second Timothy 2:13 says this if we are faithless what what is God God will remain faithful if we are faithless and here's the deal listen to me every single one of us were unfaithful in some way at some time none of us are perfect the good news is God is always faithful God is always faithful God is always faithful whatever our spiritual enemy meant to destroy our God can rebuild our God can rebuild our God can heal our God can forgive our God can make all things new even when we are unfaithful our God is faithful so if you're ever hurt in this way you can argue all day long and you would be absolutely correct that adultery is biblical grounds for divorce true all day long but guess what adultery is also biblical grounds for forgiveness our God can take what the enemy meant to destroy and our God can make it better than new so father today I pray that by the power of your Holy Spirit you would do a work in many hearts I know God for some this is a painful message and I I pray that as maybe they've been hurt by this they would understand that perhaps you could use this message to keep others from being hurt in a similar way god I ask that your spirit would speak to us strengthen us God to keep us from giving in to the temptations of the evil one all of our churches today whether you're married or not I just want to ask a simple question of those who would honor the Covenant of marriage how many would say whether now or in the future always and forever I want to be faithful to honor my God and the spouse that he gives me in the Covenant of marriage would you lift up your hands right now does all of our churches father I pray right now for those who are not yet even married that some of the principles we talked about today would be planted deep within their heart God that you would give them a longing to share you with a godly person one day to be blessed in an incredible Covenant of marriage god I pray for the marriages that are in the room and represented online and all our churches God I pray and I know that there are many that are hurting and struggling right now God when the grass looks greener somewhere else help us God with your power your presence to water our own yards I pray God that this week in our life groups that we would talk open shared transparently how we need help where we need prayer done for those who may need to reach out for a counselor given the courage to do so for those marriages that are blessed I pray God that they would guard what you've entrusted them with continue to walk intimately with you I pray God that every marriage that is represented here today would be blessed in a special way as you do a healing work God even if we have to work through some massive challenges we're willing to work through those why because we promised you God for better or for worse richer for poorer in sickness and health God we will be faithful and stay together as long as we both shall live bless those today God with your supernatural presence we ask for healing where there is hurt forgiveness and new life as you keep praying today at all of our churches I recognize this is a really heavy subject and if you'll bear with me I'll let it be heavy for just a few minutes more the truth of the matter is if I can just be blunt is that we've all in a sense committed adultery against God spiritual adultery every single one of us we've sinned against God the verse that Jesus said is very sobering that if we look lustfully we've committed adultery in our hearts I don't know very many people who didn't have a lustful thought the reality is that all of us are sinners and in a quiet and private moment you're gonna recognize I've done some things very wrong and very hurtful many of you right now if I ask you how do you stand with God where are you spiritually a lot of you would say well I'm not really sure you know I don't know I hope I'm okay I might be in trouble I did some bad things let me just tell you this point-blank without Christ we're all in trouble without Christ every single one of us we have all sinned and we all fall short of God's standard and this is why the good news is such good news that even when we are unfaithful God is always faithful and in the faithfulness of God he did something for us that we couldn't do for ourselves he sent His Son Jesus who was without sin to become sin for us on the cross to die in our place and he rose again so that anyone who calls on his would be saved and all of our churches there are those of you you recognize i need spiritual help i need forgiveness I need His grace if I can be honest that's why many of you are here today and you know it and all of our churches those who say yes I need the forgiveness of God today I turned from my sins I put Jesus first no longer did I put anything else ahead of Jesus I want him to be the savior and the Lord of my life all of our churches those who say yes I need his forgiveness I need His grace today by faith I surrender my life to Jesus that's your prayer lift your hands high right now all over the place and say yes as a church it's our honor to play a very small part and all that God is doing in and through your life and we would love to continue with you on that journey to find out what your next steps could be in your relationship with Christ all you have to do is go to life that church / next you know our work here around the world at Life Church is rooted in partnership with Christ centered organizations and recently I have the chance to check out the work of one of our global mission partners tear fund and the work that they're doing to ensure that people stuck in poverty have a way out in communities around the world my life search I want to welcome you to 9,000 feet I'm here with a small team of people from our church we're gonna go check out some work of our newest global mission partner tear fund some of the amazing work they're doing to bring restoration to people in impoverished communities all through the local church I'd love you to come along with me as we learn more about it check it out we're so excited about working with luncheons you see the partnership that we're doing together isn't a five giving things to people but rather is about working with the local church here in ugandan across the world in important entities and helping those churches return to sue the poorest people it's true that people are poor but it's also true that people have resources because we believe that where God has placed these people he has also given them resources when people are empowered they're able to identify those resources and use those resources to make their life better so one of my favorite things I've noticed is how much to your fund puts the local church at the center of everything they do it is development but it's not just about money it's about the heart and it all starts with a local church well it's what we try and do is put the Bible at the heart of development and how people learn who they are in God what resources they have to deal with their problems and what the role of the local church is tell me like what's one of your favorite stories that you've seen from the people you've met my favorite stories again in Kenneth over 16 years ago he was an alcoholic dropped out of school years later committed his life to Christ and then decided to go back to school and he persevered he finished and now he's pastoring a church back in that same area reaching those same people that eased to drink that all those years ago just a connectedness in a shared vision and mission even though we're worlds apart in the United States and Uganda we both are coming together as the church the hope of the world live chefs thank you so much because of your irrational generosity we're able to lead the way together to enable the local church to be the hope of the world to learn more about our mission partners and how you can connect and support their work all you have to do is go to Life duck Church slash Life missions it's our mission to lead people to become fully devoted followers of Christ and it's the reason behind everything we do all because we believe whoever finds God finds life you

Channel: Life.Church

Views: 24,065

Keywords: Craig, Groeschel, lifechurch

Id: LeDH3QVuN2Y

Length: 37min 28sec (2248 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 26 2016