AYG Comedy Podcast: Kyle Kinane - Midwest Garbage

hey gang it's your old pals uncle hank and kippy just want to thank you for tuning in to ru garbage yeah guys make sure you subscribe that way you get the episode as they come out you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com use promo code ayg to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and hd streaming do it yeah welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley oh baby here we go hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage the show we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grow up classy or if they're absolute trash i'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful absolutely beautiful day here new york city the east village manhattan alive and well gas digital studios in the [ __ ] big room for the big guest my co-host is coming at you right [ __ ] next to me sipping on a poland spring ladies and gentlemen don't forget the next time you're reaching for a best pal you make it a kippy this guy tastes great and he's less filling give it the [ __ ] up for kevin james ryan hey what's up everybody thanks for tuning in uh real quick little bit of business as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes also full video available on youtube you can subscribe there as well and also to get the full catalog of all of our shows as well as every show on the network you can sign up for gasdigitalnetwork.com use promo code ayg you save a couple of bucks every month we get to wet our beaks it's a [ __ ] win-win so yes sir do it and gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guests here with us today via satellite gas digital technology 78g i don't know what we got but we got him we could not be more excited he is an incredibly successful stand-up comedian actor and voice actor you've seen him in funny people workaholics aqua teen hunger force bob's burgers comedy bang bang the lucas brothers moving company adventure time love teachers those who can't paradise pd he has his own comedy central presents you seen him on the tonight show this is not happening not safe with nikki glazer drunk history carson daly hot ones four appearances on [ __ ] conan his specials include loose in chicago i like his old stuff and whiskey icarus i don't know if he's garbage or not but i know he's got a little bit of [ __ ] cash on him i'll tell you that right now from that rap seat give it the [ __ ] up for the one the only mr kyle kinnain everybody [Music] wow wow you don't you don't know how much day rates are and how this guy was in a honey wagon for 100 bucks a day oh that's good yeah this guy did a lot of non-union animation [Laughter] kyle thank you so much for doing the show man good to see you yeah dude yeah thanks for having me man what's going on fellas uh not much man we're chilling um yeah so what we're gonna do is uh we wanna hear a little bit about your uh your past how you grew up and then we'll launch into some questions you're you're a midwestern guy right you're you're illinois yeah i grew up i mean i i don't know if it's like a game at the end where we find out if i'm garbage or not but probably the backstory is going to give it away real quick um absolutely i grew up in a town called addison illinois that's about uh 20 miles outside of chicago and uh you know i was uh i still like oh let's see from the start i don't know i was just uh i was like a shy kid and then uh i thought then like somebody laughed at a joke in high school i'm like oh being funny is how you get attention and then that just made me an [ __ ] because you look back at how how often you thought you were being funny oh yeah and the percentage of you being funny versus the percentage of you just being real obnoxious and louder than anybody else it was real lopsided i was like i was just a real loud jerk for a long time yeah trying too hard man everybody everybody experienced that in junior high trying way too hard desperate so desperate just look at me look at me please please what about uh brothers and sisters did you grow up in a big family small family small family mom and dad are still kicking still married and i had one sister she lives down in l.a now but and we're and she's like close in age and we were pals so like her group of friends group of friend we were all like one big crew going together and uh like yeah as you're talking about like you know knowing the menzingers and everything we you know it started going to go on to see like uh all ages punk rock shows in the suburbs yeah and just uh yeah that was like that was my every weekend once i turned 16 was just going to see bands and uh and and yeah trying to be in bands and and like i just some old footage somebody just sent me a back in the day where i clearly had this mike ness fascination and had hair to have a mic nest fascination so i was trying to pull out this whole social distortion bad boy rockabilly vibe which is tough when you live with your parents until you're 26 years old i don't need anybody it's my mom and dad yeah you're just singing prison bound from your car like oh man i'm from the main streets of ah [ __ ] my mom's making pot roast tonight i gotta get home one time cancel band practice were you so you were in a band growing up yeah yeah yeah we i mean nothing nothing of note it was called the grand marquis if you did some real dude this okay here's first pretty good name that's not a bad name that's pretty good the grand marquis that's that's what we thought because me and the singer and other guitar players we both drove our parents grand marquis now we thought it was a cool name but we wanted to the name so we're going to be called the grand marquis but we wanted it to be plural but we didn't know how to pluralize it's a french name it's a french word that ends in s and so like everybody's like so you're the grand marquis we're like that's the grand marquis how do you spell that we're not real sure we don't know how we were gonna spell the name so we never even got around to making t-shirts or anything grand marquises check them out this one what is what is the grand marquis is that the wagon no no it's a big boat big mercury boat i think it's the ford ford ltd was the ford oh okay i remember one of those doors would kill you is that [ __ ] those doors were huge on those cars that was a pinky steerer who just hooked the pinkie it was light blue as my grandparents so it was a hand-me-down whip and just i remember like that was the one car that had like enough room to have the halfway reasonable sex in you know like when you're you're like in a ford escort or something in your crayons or cell or something yeah there's big ships going up your [ __ ] or something but this thing was like there's hotel rooms smaller than this yeah you know let me get this car this beautiful plush seats it was a it was a beautiful ride i'll tell you trying to get laid in the [ __ ] datsun when i was a kid [ __ ] good luck with that yeah i had a chevy lumen the same thing it was a big [ __ ] because you could put 15 people in that bag you could have an orgy if you wanted to it was a big [ __ ] boat oh [ __ ] chevy lumina they promoted that one heavy after the movie days of thunder came out once again am i garbage yes days of thunder i love it cole trickle shout out to [ __ ] tom cruise cole trickle [ __ ] knew how to [ __ ] drive a [ __ ] car i'll tell you that you know what's trashy too is that you know the one guy that's in that became a senator the guy that played the guy that owned nascar ran nascar i can't think of his name but he went on to become a senator i don't know you know what i'm talking about he um he was also the bad guy in uh fletch yes that's am i right yep that's exactly the background and then you want to show up on like law and order or something like that that's exactly what i'm talking about yeah that's fine i can't pull it the grand market right off with a [ __ ] daze of thunder [ __ ] reference yeah i love it man yeah let's get into it let's get into some [ __ ] ru garbage questions talk about uh growing up at the [ __ ] canaan house so small town in illinois right near chicago so basically the suburbs of chicago correct the the most suburb you can get the most suburban like like you it was you know you had the mcdonald's and the burger king across the street from each other and he's like you divided families by choosing one of the other there was never a stray there was never a stray of like let's get burger king today instead of mcdonald's you'd be you'd they'd be you'd have to sleep in a yard if you said something what were you were you a mcdonald's family yeah what was your family i was at mcdonald's like mcdonald's because we'd go there and then somebody took me to burger king once i'm like look at this place i know the burgers we had a taco bell that was a cross i missed the old taco bells that were shaped like churches yeah they were green and the old pizza huts the pizza huts yeah had these flat roofs the taco bells were like like little iglesias yeah we had a long john silvers across the street when it still had the like you had to walk up the dock to get in the long jump [Laughter] and i don't i'd always make the joke like you'd walk out of long john silver's like you just got into port somewhere and using a taco bell somewhere in south america apparently i don't remember going through the canal apparently yeah i was like white trash epcot centered down yeah your dad's drunk at the whole thing i'll tell you man [ __ ] long john silver is the most trashiest of all of all fast food and that was my fave our favorite growing up wow wow i'm gonna i'm gonna you're gonna skip over white castle or crystals and go right to long john silver's you're gonna take down i don't even know crystals i don't know crystals is just the the same like uh no what is it hearties okay there you are you're right white cats are more or less the same thing or or somebody's gonna get pissed off because people get real defensive about their garbage food yes we found out yeah what what white castle they're the little slide well you know what white castle east coast i had them on sunday you get you get the crave case you get the cardboard suitcase full of full of sliders what's all the questions here i thought we were interviewing you but he looked like he was going he was going away for the month we got defend two suitcases walking out of the [ __ ] white castle yeah we got the crazy handcuffs he's like he's like he's carrying jewels like it's a nuclear phone that's [ __ ] great yeah it's a nuclear football but you get the chicken rings you slide them into the burgers oh yeah man i know all about it i know the moves oh that is [ __ ] garbage but anything open 24 hours becomes your new favorite fast food yeah the white castle's here though cause there's not that many there's not there's not that many left so it's like they look wet they look like old war vets they're like this you know they're all grizzled and there's like tumbleweeds of [ __ ] trash blowing through it's they're tough to see now but it's like what you're saying i like the fact that they kind of like retain their identity from the 80s like i hate like what you're saying i yeah i like the taco bell the way that look and the pizza huts and like the wendy's and all the stuff back in the 80s those places were [ __ ] awesome dude pizza hut do you remember when pizza hut had the salad bar inside the oiliest ass torpedoes you could possibly wish for i love them i get and again my mom would yell at me because we go to pizza hut i'm like i want a sandwich what's wrong with you work pizza hut i can't i can't have the thing it's on the menu they want me to have it that's really garbage ordering a sandwich of pizza hut is another level of garbage i remember having waiters at pizza hut do you guys remember that yes i remember this guy hit me with the specials i'm like buddy make it a stuffed crust and keep it [ __ ] moving those old red cups man remember those old things a gallon of coca-cola and those things dude they were so big you could drop it out of a helicopter that was the first place do you remember the white cat first off it's steamed burgers that's how they cook it terrible which is a bit off pudding if you really want to think about it everybody working there's just teenagers with the most open pores you've ever seen they're just it's a constant spa facial they're getting of hamburger grease the whole place was white tile inside so they can hose it off at the end of the night oh yeah it was like there was no it was just a white room with a drain in the middle yeah [Laughter] what's the name of the street that you grew up on i grew up on the corner of uh michigan and diversity which those are the same names not the same as those the streets that are in chicago proper you know they gotcha you know you go a couple of suburbs and they just nick the name yeah well that's pretty classy yeah that sounds pretty good i looked it up because somebody told me i i made the most notable one of the like on the wikipedia page from my hometown i'm a notable resident yeah and uh other people other people in madison that are notable [Laughter] but i think he fell on hard times and wound up it's not like he bought like you know a 50-acre estate no no there's no like oh the old sphinx place up on the field it was the long john silvers that's where he lived it was the old long john silvers he moved then apparently the woman who helped co-create the beanie babies oh so she's probably got a little bit of cash i think it something says it went south i think i actually looked into it so i'm like that's interesting and i think she got sued out of the beanie babies uh yeah industry so something dark happened everybody everybody thought that those were going to be worth their weight in gold [ __ ] that was the trade did your family collect them or anything like that were you a beanie baby baby beanie babies family no but no we didn't have any like that weird trash collector yeah it's always a bad luck like some are like god forbid you say like i'm into like i'm i like uh platypuses that's a cute animal and then everybody just gets you that gift for the rest of your life full of platypi and you're like i can't say no now i know is my identity we had for some reason my mother uncle my mom collected crystal shoes they were like porcelain crystal shoes like just one one shoe and they were tiny oh she still has them on display in my [ __ ] living room that's real trash garbage i i remember like the weird like glass fig like blowing glass birds and [ __ ] you could tell us like the practice stuff that the bong makers were putting out yeah so like i don't fault anybody for the beanie babies thing because like there's a stock market and it's the same thing but it's coked out bros doing the same [ __ ] buying a bunch of stuff hoping it's gonna be worth more later on i'm not judging on that point but um that okay more background first job 16 years well i got fired from uh 31 flavors after two days because i didn't know how to stop the soft serve so i just kept going and i was smelling like grenade what did i tell you for like 79 everybody was calling yeah it was like a second cousin of my moms who was doing me a favor and i don't think they needed me as an employee i think it was like a gamble like maybe maybe this maybe this is like a good rookie bet on this kid like be real total bomb and i got that after two days i'm like am i on the schedule this week like now we couldn't fit you in and i i've still called for like five weeks still trying to get the employees yeah i worked at a kmart i worked at a kmart in the same mall that had the like the bong uh the glass blowers sorry the bomb makers it was one of the malls that had uh do you remember like independently owned spencer's gifts type places a store full of crap and horny stuff novelties and [ __ ] some weird guy working there yeah it was like d and d games and then like pretty much porno posters like yeah yeah and just seeing a 12 year old just standing in front of those posters with his hand in his pants like how many times a day would take out a kid beating off jerking off and we had yeah it had like a what was the the it had like a dress barn and [ __ ] which is so insulting i gotta tell you this is a real trashy [ __ ] horn that's a real trashy boy describing i've never been to a mall that had a k-mart in it oh yeah pennies was the other bookend that's if you had money you went to jc penney's yeah yeah i didn't have i didn't have the kind of clout to get the job at jcpenney and it had a little caesars in it and so this is literal garbage my job at the end of the night was to take the trash out from the little caesars and if they had if they made pizzas that didn't sell they couldn't get them away at all like oh it's profit loss or whatever yeah so i would take the full pizzas my buddy worked with a little caesars and i would put them on the like the cart and then just put the trash on top of the pizza oh my god throw the trash out and then take the free pizzas and put them in my car jesus christ dude that's crazy they had like the humane rat traps which were just the glue pads yeah and i don't know how to main because like a mice will just get stuck on there a lot of them and it was my job to toss those in the big dumpster and one day i couldn't take it so i like i got a broomstick and i was trying to pry one of the mice off of the glue trap but i did i just like defer it just became a bald mouse because it kept rolling what the [ __ ] that's torture man i know if i got too far into it where i'm like i should just kill this thing at this point but then it was kind of off of it i got it off so the bald mouse took off into the stock room gave one of my band buddies worked at there's a different ice uh like there's like another 31 flavors in that mall and he was called we always called him uh john because he's real dumb as [ __ ] and my mom actually started calling him that was my mom's nickname for him like where's slo john that's the worst when the moms start using the nicknames that's bad nickname down and then he's like man kyle's mom's mean she keeps calling me like johnny slow or something like you can't even get your own nickname without being dumb [Laughter] and he would he would openly rip whippets with customers waiting to get ice cream like they would come up to the cash register and you'd be like hold on [Laughter] he's got the wawa on sunday oh did they just pee in the sink in the back you'd have to like leave the station using bathrooms they just kept peeing in the sink in the back of ice cream oh holy [ __ ] that's real garbage i've peed in the sink at my house before if my girlfriend's in the in the bathroom i really gotta go that's right i'll lean up to this to the kitchen sink and sneak one in there i get that that's your home and you're cleaning it this is a food serving estate this is a place that the health department theoretically checks them theoretically on paper they're supposed to be there and you know what i'll say too i don't know about literacy little caesars now but back in the day little caesars was legit [ __ ] good they made awesome pizza if okay the let's talk about the hierarchy of this welcome to the show buddy that was that was an awkward pause right there i was like well no let's open up this dialogue this one i just had the other day a little uh papa murphy's i don't know if you know about this i don't know it can bake it sounds like a [ __ ] it's a way to go it's a future i think papa mar it's a taken bake they just kind of assemble it and then you take it home and you cook it and it's like a shop like pop-up it's like that's a place you go and get that pizza and take it home and cook it it's a chain yeah it's a chain a pizza place called papa murphy's but they're all uncooked so you take it you make it at home it's more or less i don't know how they exist i think they got in a fight with a contractor or something where they couldn't get like the oven yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you want to open pizza in this place you got to join the union you're like [ __ ] you guys we're gonna sell them uncooked we don't need your [ __ ] oven yeah and then that's how they got out that's pretty classy though that is clear that's better than like take out pizza because you're doing it yourself it's a little bit of effort you know what i mean it's nice because i'm a big digiorno guy do you like digiorno sure sure yeah you church it up why you put your hat on yeah man what are you oh that's garbage what do you add on to it that's trash dude i know that's trash if you're adding if you're adding toppings to an already frozen pizza that's trash what are the add-ons you two are gonna sit here and tell me that you're just just so happy to pay an extra two bucks for nine black olives when you could have a goddamn jar in your cabinet and put as many or as few as you want you could have one slice of black olive if you want when you're that's trash i'm sorry olives if you were doing like prosciutto or something i'd allow you to maintain making supremes what the [ __ ] you can do prosciutto yeah but you're doing olives [Laughter] real high and i was like i wanted to put hot dogs and macaroni and cheese but i didn't think it was i'm listening yeah i wanted something different than just slice them so i was i was trying to shred it on a cheese grater oh my god and uh it's hard to tell where the hot dog stops and your thumb starts oh i'll tell you that much be careful on that one i think you might be the only person in the history of hot dogs to ever cheese great odds i'm sorry do you have any grated hot dogs to go over this spaghetti i'm sorry did you say this you say parmesan cheese no grated hot dogs would be great thank you it does make sense i get to texturize i get it i understand it i for sure understand it i don't know if i could ever pull the trigger on it but i get it mac and cheese with hot dogs prosciutto style hot dog yeah yeah see some why not have it just with a different texture change up i wanted to change into flavors and working with texture did you do it like short ways or long ways did you go for like long curly cues or short little nubs i was doing it short ways at first but just kept breaking the hot dog and these are veggie car i don't even eat meat anymore so these were veggie dogs cheese grain veggie dogs with mac and cheese and from the woman that i love in front of a woman i love it still with me she sounds like a [ __ ] saint yeah that's a keeper right there let's see you do that [ __ ] my girlfriend has seen me make stuff and eat stuff at the apartment that if she attempted to tell anybody i'd probably have her killed things i would not want anybody knowing ah wow man criminal all right so we gotta get going now all the stories are coming out yeah of course baby so we got the street what was the name of the grocery store that your mother went to growing up what was your local spot well we had a the two grocery stores were a dominic's or a jewel which at some point you would get old enough and pluralize jewel and singularize dominic so dominic's the name dominic with an apostrophe s i'm dominic this is my grocery store and jewel just like a jewel but for some reason if whenever you got old it's like i got to go to jewels yeah yeah plural live jewels like i gotta hit up dominic and like i don't know why it changed but we were a jewel family it's because you're garbage that's a transit trash move right there a hundred percent we we were saying and somebody there was a local grocery store where kevin and i grew up called gennardi's okay and you know they'd give you the plastic bags to leave and someone had mentioned this either emailed to us or whatever but for most of my life we called those janardi bags even if it wasn't from that store we called the plastic bags janardi bags oh like tissue paper being kleenex exactly that's good branding on gennady's yeah they knew what they were doing they had a they had one household at derelicts in bluebell pennsylvania they had that market cornered a bunch of fat idiots talking about plastic bags uh what do you got kid okay let's see so did you growing up what the house you grew up in was it a single family home or an apartment a townhouse a condo what was it i think a single family home in a you know a very suburban neighborhood like ranch houses and everything it was blue it was blue collard my dad worked at o'hare okay airline mechanic my mom was like stay-at-home mom and uh yeah it was kind of blue-collar neighborhood but nothing uh just like just normal just like i said the most like suburban boring like that it's i mean i've made the joke before but it's this weird stagnation of there's no hardship of like we live in the country and there's work and there's horses and things with your pigs we gotta attend to and you don't live in the city where it's like oh man there's all these different cultures so much from different you know different people's families where they're from it was just like nah i'm gonna ride our bikes around we're gonna find some porn in the woods oh it's still like you know 80 so it's still like a forest preserve porn era right you know you go find an abandoned building break the windows you can they the pla the town over there was that old oval team factory i was an abandoned home and everybody's that that they said the gate one of the gates to hell was in the basement and so he'd sneak into the homeless factory but it looked like willy wonka's chocolate factory before they turned the lights on it's like smoke stacks and a wrought iron gate it was terrifying i'm sure and uh my sister was tougher than me she snuck in there and we just go by the outside yeah those suburban [ __ ] tales of like you know this house is haunted or like like you'd walk into the woods and there'd just be like a burned-out shell of a house and you were like what the [ __ ] what happened here like there's not even a driveway how the [ __ ] did you get back here yeah yeah yeah the house in the middle of the woods and i hate sounding like an old man but it's like it was nice when the internet wasn't there to squash mystery you just had to hear [ __ ] in the eighth grade locker room about how the fire department flooded the basement to the ovaltine factory because that's where the sixth gate to hell is not the seventh the seventh is over in lombard everybody yeah yeah you gotta go to the sixth one first before you kind of open the seven one and i'm gonna believe this kid because he's wearing an iron maiden t-shirt in his face i've got eddie on it and i'm like well this guy looks like he knows what he's talking about yeah he's like he's got his head i got a good head on his shoulders this [ __ ] guy that reminds me growing up was big for us because we like skated and [ __ ] and like you know you're always behind a shopping center or whatever was finding the big long uh fluorescent light bulbs like in a dumpster or something and smashing them or hitting each other in the legs with them ah man you got one of those you felt like an american gladiator with one of those things so which is yeah just break just breaking stuff to hear the sound of it breaking yeah and i honestly you're boy destruction yeah yeah i honestly think that like i know like exactly what you're talking about but like it's like yeah today you know not to sound like an old guy as well but like having that time and that boredom of the suburban life back then there was something charming about it and when you look back on it so many good things kind of came out of it like you know good bands or you know uh just like good the creative process which was just good for that like just having that endless like remember when a summer felt like it was [ __ ] 25 years long oh yeah and it was just nothing yeah dude i'm 43 and i still will take the whole summer off from doing stand-up because i'm like no that's summer break that's hanging on a summer break 18 but i'm like no i've got to do stuff during the summer so you know what time's like you you're f you can do this whenever you want you take a vacation whatever you want you have to wait till summer but yeah that was all just skating and biking and yeah it did turn into well we're bored let's let's all try and learn instruments together that was old yep i think it was like a dave grohl dave grohl quote or something about like buy any instrument you find at a garage sale and figure it out like just do that for yourself that's how it starts and that's how like we all had bad we weren't good bands but we all had bands and then all your friends have bands you're gonna all four you guys are gonna put on a show in a basement right it's an excuse to have a party it's gonna be a good time yeah i i i did like it i i mean as as ridiculous as it was it shaped who i became and so i'm appreciative retroactively i'm appreciative sure appreciative yeah that's why we do this podcast is because of that because looking back on all that now did you get this guy yeah did you ask him about the garage do you guys have a car yeah separate yes separate garage oh nice had two bikes going out of it had a horror master and a harlow sport stolen out of it and that's all right that's a clean living that's a [ __ ] rich kid you're driving a horror that's nice haro sport was bought off of the penny saver magazines used and then because it got stolen i got a couple insurance dollars from the homeowner like hello yeah yeah insurance and i saved up and then put that towards a horror master that got new that got stolen and i was on i was riding a gt pro series uh used until i saved up and pissed all my money away when i was 18 on a s m dirt bike oh yeah yeah and that's still hanging that's a deep cut an s m that's like yeah that's that's like very that's specialized yeah i can't believe you're dead yeah i can't believe your dad let you use the homeowner's insurance policy for your [ __ ] bike that's crazy i've never heard that that's nuts okay i know i was so pissed and they're like trying to explain deductibles i'm like he's like 13. like what the [ __ ] you're like sorry our deductibles for 400 bucks yeah the bike's only two yeah wow an s m that's something dude my buddy had one he pulled up we thought he might as well pulled up in a [ __ ] cadillac with the s m we were like what the [ __ ] is it it was like you only saw those in magazines or like bike videos you know like bmx videos yeah damn oh yeah i'd like like call special order stuff i still that's all i follow on instagram i don't follow anything else on social media it's all old bike accounts yeah just all these dudes got like old gt pro performers and pk rippers that that's all i want to see i don't know about cars yeah that was the last trip that was the last one that i had was a gt pro performer we got huffy's all growing up just [ __ ] bikes and like all my other friends had like cool bikes [ __ ] harrows diamondbacks [ __ ] like that and then finally when i was like turning 16 out of nowhere my dad shows up with a [ __ ] gt pro performer it was beautiful it was baby blue had the [ __ ] neon pink [ __ ] writing on it and i'm like dude i want a [ __ ] car i don't want a [ __ ] bike now we're trying to get laid here trying to get laid here [ __ ] 16 you finally [ __ ] dropped the money oh man so in that garage was there a separate second refrigerator at the canaine house or no no but what we have i do have one now at the house i'm staying at really yeah that's a classic yeah up in oregon for the time being um no but what we had was uh one appliance we had like a a green stove and fridge like straight from whatever era 50s or something yeah 50s or 60s yeah like when the house was built and then i think this the fridge broke or the stove broke and so my mom didn't want two different color things so we just put them both in the basement so we had a fridge in the basement okay also a stove in the basement that was not connected it didn't work i i don't know which i don't remember i think it's still there but it's trash wait was the basement finished and you just had a stove in it or was it an unfinished basement like for storage the basement was finished at one point but then would get water in it yeah and so they just let it go down yeah we had the same thing we finished it once and like two weeks later in the 90s it flooded and it's still there's still a dehumidifier down there cranking and you can't get the smell out just smells musky three inch watermark and sending with a shop vac sucking it up so in that refrigerator downstairs in the basement would you guys keep like popsicles and sodas and stuff like that because we'll count that as a garage fridge okay well it wasn't uh right now the fridge is still down there now because then my i moved out in 2003's when i moved to l.a at 26 years old by the way yeah that's when the house was getting remodeled so i go back and like i i go back to the same house but it's like hardwood floors and granite countertops like like you did a good job yeah but before it was like brown shag carpeting and green tiles and all this stuff and so the but that old fridge is still kicking down in the basement but they're not big drinkers but they always have booze in the house so it's all beer nice beer and like weird drinks that people have brought by that's what's in the basement a bottle of kahlua that's a big garbage thing is the keeping the second fridge because it's a garbage mentality it's nice it's great to have but the impetus of the thought is i can't throw out this yeah i can't this is a expense this is a appliance i can't throw this i got to keep it so you just nobody ever buys a second fridge it's always you know barely working or an uncle's giving it away or you find it and you just stick it in a spare room so it's a trash mentality but it's clean it's gonna be useful and also like you're in a family you can't take a 30 pack of coors and take up that much reason very family fridge you got to put that in the side fridge yeah because you've got your tupperware's full of shredded hot dog i remember there was definitely times when like we would you know be stacking a fridge where you're like all right well beer has to be cold the milk's got to stay but this soda can come out the ketchup can go the mustard like what's not going to spoil no pop was always in a cabinet we always had pop in a cabinet call it pop that's a midwest thing that's trash well that's why i figured i can get away with saying it now soda just feels proper to me you and your fancy soda over there not a kennedy jesus christ coastal elites throwing extra syllables around like we're all going to live for it all right um all right so growing up what was the what was the pop what was the brand and the hat you kept in the house or what was your to i'm going to throw some deep cuts on oh i love it no because that's one of the things just so you know people have been asking because they wanted they wanted to have you on because they knew you were a midwest and you would have the midwest you're the only yeah you'd have the midwest items that's what we're cure like you said crystals that blew our minds so what was the soda well chris was in the midwest crystals is the south but i just knew that as a counterpoint to white castle okay all right but all right would pop now uh it was usually what was on sale preferred choice which ironically enough preferred choice i think was the in-house brand of jewel preferred choice the in-house but like i think my mom always wanted coke she was a coke person never pepsi once again strict lines were drawn yeah yeah lined in the sand yeah but if it was on sale rc cola would float in the [ __ ] dude let me tell you root beer no citrus items no citrus drinks i myself i love a nice cold squirt take that sound bite and do what you want squirt spray got it ice cold grapefruit wow yellow yellow is pretty good too mel okay sure sure the one that would show up that nobody ever liked and it would never come in a it only came in like the cardboard tray would be like it would be like four six packs yeah in the card it was it was canfield's is called canfield's diet chocolate fudge so there was never there was never a regular there was only diet so something went wrong where they're like we can only market this as diet chocolate fudge soda it was disgusting and it was in my house all the time oh my gosh we're used to getting it we used to get something similar too and the reason that we would get that and i think the reason they sold that was specifically for diabetics because that's anybody in my family that had diabetes that would be their soda it would be the diet chocolate fudge soda i don't know i never thought that was like it was like in the medical aisle it was prescription soda get an orthopedic a pair of orthopedic shoes and and some pop it was it was backed by the reader glasses get your blood pressure checked and a six-pack hit the bricks take two six packs of this and call me in the morning yeah i think i never thought of it that way i just think that's what your trashy out-of-shape family did i don't know if that's the reason no one's making prescription soda for diabetics that's not a market it was big in the diabetic community i'm telling you no i sugar-free yeah it's like why can't we get the regular chocolate fudge soda it's like they don't make they only not like a health nut but definitely not just eating the trash that the rest of the family was and you come in from mowing the lawn or something and just crack a room temperature diet chocolate fudge my dad would just look he's like drink [Music] water water you're dehydrated you're supposed to drink like water is gross anyway this is brown fizzing disgusting warm chocolate soda dude but i don't know what it was every once in a while as a kid when you were real thirsty a [ __ ] a warm soda really hit the spot out of a can i don't know why it's just trash but it really really did i remember chugging [ __ ] a couple diet cokes that were like 80 degrees in the trunk of the car and just being like ah i i almost uh i almost uh belched myself to death i bought a six pack engineer root beer at the dollar store like just recently no i was i was going my cousin to see son-in-law at the movies that was a great movie by the way we went to the dollar store and i was like awesome on the shelf which is a dusty six-pack of root beer and i think i drank them all during the movie but i was just oh [Laughter] just swiss up longhorn in it man i was throwing it out i thought i'm gonna die how do you feel about soda with no ice would you ever do would you ever you order soda no because i think if i'm getting a fountain drink that's part of the joy of it of course thank you that's a classy answer right sure the temperature is what is what you like it's that's the allure yeah yeah you got to get the bubbles and the cold yeah because we think it's garbage when people order soda with no ice yeah well i get it because then if you've ever seen like an ice tray i like the ice maker but no one's done people talking dirty apps at a bar oh the taps at the bar are disgusting yeah it's tough never look at the ketchup dispensers like never get the pumpkin like there's certain things i just don't want to know i know of course yeah i want to continue like don't tell me that the little line on the back of shrimp is poop i know it is why are you trying to ruin the trip i still eat seafood yeah why are you gonna ruin this [ __ ] like you could believe the kind of gross stuff they find in hotel rooms i live in hotel rooms most of the time doing i know what i do yeah i don't want to know yeah yeah yeah i know what i've done to them i know it's true i don't need you telling me what other people like me do i always get two beds i get one for sleeping and one for eating yeah i lay in bed i i eat in one bed and then i sleep in the other one that's tragic oh my god i thought he was gonna say one for eating one for jerk and one for sleeping one for jerking but eating geez yeah which one do you slap it in do you jerk off in the food bed or the sleep bed i just go in the bathroom for that like a gentleman locks the door no peeky peeky i still won't masturbate if somebody knows flying on a plane at the moment or on a sunday no um all right i got one here anyone in your family ever have a breathalyzer in their car yeah me you had one really oh yeah i got i got a dewey about nine years ago and had to blow and go in a stick shift in a stick shift pickup truck too which i thought the whole point is like oh you have to have both hands on the wheel otherwise it's illegal but i'm trying to drive drive stick [ __ ] like an octopus yeah but yeah steering wheel's doing what it wants to yeah i got a dewy 2011. damn is that an la thing do they do that in other yeah my buddy had one in philly oh really yeah the interlock it's called it's expensive too to get one and you gotta go get it calibrated and [ __ ] that calibration's the biggest jerk off that's dude my buddy said the same thing he's like this is [ __ ] i gotta go give this guy 800 bucks 800. you gotta go every month i think i don't know how many months i had it for six months or whatever or like every other week you had to go get it calibrated and it was 75 bucks to get it calibrated each time and the guy it's just an auto shop it's not the police department yeah and the guy just didn't even keep a straight face he's like yeah i mean i'm not getting any of this money so yeah it's all going to give me 150 i'm back in a month instead of two weeks like just just pay ahead and then there's no such thing as kell yeah don't worry about i'd rather take the [ __ ] six month and county i'm not [ __ ] paying 75 every two weeks [ __ ] that because you have to do it to start it right you have to do it to start then like intermittently every 15 minutes or 10 minutes or hour and miles or whatever it would click back on and you'd have to test again and i remember this is how just like [ __ ] you know drunk idiots we were my buddies like well my buddy got in his car and then we were all like looking at it and [ __ ] he's like well how do you know why doesn't you know why doesn't the passenger just blow you know well if the passenger was sober he would just be driving the car you idiot you're not gonna you're not gonna drink and drive with a sober guy in shotgun you know what i mean yeah this seemed like we're doing it bro i was still partying i gotta get in in the morning and it wouldn't let me start yeah same thing dude we would go down to like atlantic city to party for the night and we wouldn't be we'd be sitting in like a holiday inn parking lot because we couldn't leave because vinnie was still drunk i couldn't argue with it either too like i'm blowing it and i was like no i'm like yeah you're right you know yeah good call there were so many times where we would like try and then go be like wow let's go get breakfast or whatever yeah let's let's let's sleep this one off a little bit too many times it locks on a white ford ranger with a mismatched camera that's the ford ranger is the trashiest of all pickup trucks i don't care if you're if you've got an f-150 and it's got bullet holes in it or three wheels a ford ranger is trash i loved it and it was an old parts truck too so it didn't even have carpeting it just had that plastic floor that plastics you could smell the smoke and coffee in there i did a cross cut a couple of cross-country tours in that thing was sleeping in there holy sleeping in the back like the bed yeah yeah yeah okay yeah like screen like screen doors and stuff in it so holy [ __ ] i love them let's see you learn from old punk rock days all those dudes like get in the van and sleep yeah they all bootstrapped it yeah why can't i do the same with comedy you know yeah you definitely you you definitely uh you know left a mark on comedy that way you were like you definitely though you would he went to punk rock route right you know and definitely kind of opened people's eyes to that yeah i wasn't getting booked at comedy clubs and if i was i was eating [ __ ] because i wasn't doing like a comedy club type act so i wasn't going to get invited back i did work at comedy club so i'm like well just do whatever show you got in your town you know i'll be driving through you got a show i'll do that show and then the next night i'll drive to the next town and do the next shows i might be late dependent on the blow and go but i'll [ __ ] be there i'll tell you that you might have to have the feature run a little bit i had that for one of the tours that's awesome time depending yeah thank god i got a sleeping bag in the back because this isn't going anyone sleep this one off all right what do you got foley uh what do i got so we're talking about sleeping this is kind of a new one i thought about this the other night how do you uh how many pillows do you need to uh to sleep comfortably and where do where were they positioned this is fun because i want to guess what is if it's garbage to want a lot of pillows or it's very garbage i'll tell you this is mine which is i think huh it's garbage to want a lot of pillows garbage to have two two is necessary one is a i can't i can't psychopath yeah that's that's axe murder he sleeps with one pillow that's you like being in prison yeah if you could sleep with hello give me a metal bunk and just a sweatshirt with my dirty underpants crammed in it and i'll sleep like that's yeah even even when i think even when i was sleeping in the ranger i think i still have two people i'm not a [ __ ] gentleman so where do they go you have two you have two behind your head no no i'm a side or stomach sleeper one under the head with an arm underneath it and another one for hugging yeah that's what i'm talking about you need a hugger i got i go that and then i need a third one between my legs i was just going to say between the legs sometimes the knees get sticky [Music] sometimes your knees get sticky and that's unpleasant if i fall asleep in my bed you know so to answer your question to answer your question which is the garbage that is the most garbage depiction right there that's exactly what i do and that's the most trashiest yeah having one to hug and one between your legs wow i think treating yourself nicely that's just self-respect man self-care dude 2020 you need all the self-care you can get ah go ahead all right do you currently have a bathing suit or if you went to the pool or the beach would you wear like basketball shorts like do you have a bathing suit to wear well i got a lot of bathing suits okay because i keep forget suit and i have and then i forget the bathing suit because you're never like i probably won't need this bathing suit and then i got to buy a cheap one i got a lot of walmart bathing suits okay that's fair as long as as long as you're not there in like you know n1 basketball shorts or something you know yeah yeah it's tough it's a tough look for sure i went the other night no yeah bathing suit guy definitely i've been a bathing suit guy all summer because i went and bought a bunch at walmart like you're saying and i can't tell you how many times whether people have known it or not or i've been wearing a bathing suit like shorts and nowhere near a pool i've been just wearing bathing suits you're on the subway the bathing suit style they've upped their games there's jackets i just need some tickets i got to have a chapstick on me at all times and so i need i can't just do that weird little flip up thing right uh yeah are you doing now are you doing the uh the catch of the day bathing suit that's my gag i like if it's got the netting in the in this one i tell you what you want to hear something real trashy i get that one and then i cut that netting out and it's perfectly comfortable you could just not get that yeah dude if you're doing if you're doing alteration work on your walmart bathing suit before you wear it you're [ __ ] trash i always like i always do a little if i'm with a good like a good enough friend you know i'm like oh you you know what the catch of the day is like what is that you pull the leg up you're like oh it looks like we got a shrimp and you just that's what you got right there flash some brain on them uh yeah that's a fun game and then in the same vein of that if you know say tomorrow you got to call tomorrow you got to go to a court or a wedding or a funeral do you have a suit that fits that you can wear tomorrow uh yes i got a couple of tailored boots nice but the only reason i have them is because uh we're liv when we were living in la uh the misses got real uh interested in magic okay not the gap the actual art form of magic there was a place called the magic castle that you have to dress up in all right and so we became members of the magic castle and so i got a couple of sharp suits like that's pretty cool that's like a night out on the town type thing that's classy that's nice but going through your face off and enjoy some illusions no it's like an old it's like a castle it's like it's like it's like a classy oh i know exactly the old school there's different theaters inside there there's guys in the corner doing matt like it's the thing that is so easy to laugh at until you go experience it you're like i never knew i loved magic this much yeah i am okay with feeling like an idiot because that's all it is you just feel dumb you don't know you know it's not real but they're just in your face like ta-da you son of a [ __ ] what the [ __ ] are you doing i gotta go buy a suit i gotta show up i'm looking for you next time i just spent 300 bucks to be here oh yeah that's the biggest trick of all is i poured all my money in this goddamn magic castle speaking of college and we have a couple of standard questions that we want to make sure we get through uh we're going to get you out of here in a minute or two uh what did you get in your sats having fun man i didn't do s i did a cts i didn't take sats what the hell is that i always heard about it i never knew them though i never knew somebody just mentioned this to us it was just where i grew up they didn't you didn't take sats it was regional s.a.t yeah i don't know if there's a corresponding thing but i did i got a 28 on those so i don't know if you want to research what the scale it was good it was a good score i definitely want 28 does not sound good no it's out of like 32 or something oh really what'd you get yeah what'd you say 28 the average act scores 20.8 that's not too bad and where'd you go to college no well that's the thing i was always in the smart classes and then i let everybody down and i went i've been there buddy i went to a community college for a year nice and then i i went to a state school i think i didn't even make it a semester at state school and then i dropped out of that and then i went to uh columbia college in chicago not columbia university yeah yeah a liberal arts college you didn't need a high school diploma to get it oh my god and i once around there i think i went to college for off and on i got a degree in 2002 okay they made me great because i i was just taking all these different there's a liberal arts college and i was like oh yeah man i'll try an acting class i'll try an art class i'll do all this kind of stuff taking a magic class i honestly right now i'm sure they have one there but they're like oh you're gonna graduate this semester i'm like i don't want to graduate pump the brakes dean that's when you've got to get a real job like if you're if you're not in college but you have a college degree you get a job and that's the end of your life no man i thought i could just finagle a couple classes and some part-time jobs like yeah you're getting a bachelor's degree it's not it's just in like applied studies it's not even enough and so i graduated i was like all right and i was it started comedy at the time and that's what i'm like i guess i'll move to california there you go so i went to i went to three different colleges over the course of seven years that's [ __ ] trash that's next level trash [Laughter] i could just see you in an interview you went to three schools in seven years you majored in needlepoint what the [ __ ] is this you should be a doctor on the space station uh all right i got one or two more and then i have i just have a few quick ones that i want to run through with uh that are specific midwest so we because we get like hundreds of [ __ ] people submitting questions and somebody submitted a bunch of midwest ones that i want to get to that i don't even know what they are so you might be able to shed some light but one i want to know are you a bagel bite guy or a pizza roll guy pizza get the [ __ ] wow really yeah get out of here with your [ __ ] bougie bagel bites bagel bites totinos all day no tinos it's an italian company they ship them in this is not anti-semitic in any way [Laughter] i love bagels and uh the jewish people they're great people oh i love affirmative i'm gonna have tina on this one they were around they're great but my family was a english muffin pizza household somebody just sent that recipe in it's i don't know why anybody had to write down a recipe gotta get the right cheese you couldn't figure that one out yeah there's no culinary school involved english muffin name sauce and piece of cheese and then you got those olives in the cabinet from earlier you throw those on there come on maybe one maybe you can whatever a little section both pieces whatever you want here's the big question though the english muffin brand what was it was it thomas's yeah yeah there's always thomas i don't even think they make anything there's a there's a couple and they [ __ ] stink they're like muffins they're trash thomases are nothing yeah that's a staunch rule no i only have promises otherwise any other pastry was from entenmann's oh i know that you were royalty the long danish you never got the long coffee cake body love the line dude i didn't appreciate the danish until i got older like when i was like an eight nine ten i thought that was like adult food yeah it was like always with coffee i'm like well i don't [ __ ] give me the donut give me the the the cupcake the devil's food cake something i got older that [ __ ] long danish cheese classy with the crumb on top good night i worked at a donut factory here this is more tidbit for garbage i worked out oh you already we the conclusion's already in kyle just to let you know let me just seal the deal all right we have the guys in the lab working on the numbers but we're pretty sure we're pretty sure i was because i didn't want to work customer service when i was in high school and everything like i hated the idea of running into other people from school i always felt bad for the kids that did work at mcdonald's and then people come in look at you you [ __ ] nerd don't make my food like how can you call them yeah yeah it was you know high school politics but so i went we had like a large industrial area in addison and i just saw that like i would just go like i'll do what do you want i'm young and i'm i'll do dumb [ __ ] that is yeah i'll i'll defy regulations i don't need no papers no i was working at this donut fact like like like like conveyor belts and deep freeze they would ship it off to grocery stores and everything but because it was all like mostly like uh hispanic people that worked there you migrant workers that worked in there and i was the only white guy and so they thought i was related to the boss they all hated me at first but then they found out i was just a kid working there and also i would eat the donuts for lunch because it was all like anything like mix messed up by the machine so i just every day for lunch i would have all these like misshapen donuts and so they thought i was the poorest white person and so they would feed me all this really great homemade like mexican americans oh it's great but i felt i'm like you don't have to do this i'm fine they're like why are you eating all this garbage i'm like you have no idea this is a treasure trove two weeks ago i was eating little caesar's pizza under trash that was had trash juice on it my other buddy my other buddy worked at the uh the willy wonka processing plant the like the packaging plant yeah he was like he's there in my band and so he just would come to band practice and we just have like buckets of candy just that's awesome candy that's my candy and i'm surprised i have an original tooth left in my head at this point we used to have uh you know pepperidge farms well peppered farms whenever they would [ __ ] something up they had a store that sold irregular products so you would get like maybe like the misshapen milanos and stuff like that and my mom would go up there like once a month and just [ __ ] load up on all these [ __ ] up cookies oh yeah right we got we actually dropped a bunch of blue food coloring the bruised and reduced rack at the grocery store if i see it parked in the back bathrooms like yeah let me go see what we got here check out the clear track at the bakery that's [ __ ] clean living right there oh yeah man all right kippy hit him with the midwest yeah here here's a couple of the midwest specific ones um have you ever played pull tabs what's that i ain't playing my mom still my mom still goes to bingo she loves them she's like that she don't even like the bingo part of bingo she goes mostly to play pull tabs it's like a it's like a lottery ticket type game i think right instead of a scratch off it's like has a little cardboard door it's all oh yeah yeah yeah yeah we call them 50 50. yeah it's like a white trash advent calendar yeah yeah we used to call them 50 50s and you would get them at like fairs and [ __ ] like that those were you get you get on a roll of one of those that was a [ __ ] hot day funnel cake for everybody yeah oh my god elephant ears for me and my boys keep them coming and then have you ever purchased three two beers that's not midwest that's utah oh is it what's two beers three two three that's uh like you're saying diabetics with the diet diet soda three two beers in utah because they're super mormon and religious they would sell alcohol but at a lower alcohol rate so 3.2 alcohol for the beers is the beer that you would buy like if you go to utah it's the a lot of the beer not so much anymore because they're slowly changing it but if you got like a case of budweiser normally i think it's five percent alcohol yeah it's 3.2 because what joseph doesn't want you to get [ __ ] up or something i don't know it's but that's more of a utah mormon thing i know that about the midwest that's garbage man oh well here it says three two beer is so yeah some grocery store and gas station would sell it when the liquor stores are closed because it's technically not considered ah i guess it's like a way around uh you know once the stores for the real booze bags that are looking for uh for the party to go on that's a utah i never knew like where i was at there was no kind of like religious control over like you could buy booze liquor stores were open you're fine i always go to liquor store i used to go to the liquor store to buy my mom's cigarettes you send me with a note be like six years old right oh yeah please sell my son one pack of winston one hundreds oh it was a winston family for a long time yeah my stepdad marlboro ultralights she's a marble ultralight that's that's like an aristocrat at that point yeah anything 100 though that's pretty garbage smoking especially seeing your mom with a 100 hanging out of her mouth lipstick on the end of it [ __ ] puke i my that liberal arts college i had enough money left for one train ticket from union station in chicago back out to the burbs i i figured out the math i had exactly enough money for that and i when i was smoking i was up to about like two packs a day at one point and uh and i always smoked like dorals i smoked generic cigarettes and they had um [ __ ] i was they were called like durango 100 it was something like a menthol 100 and that was the only fact yeah i had enough money for that and a train ticket home and i was just trying to stop menthol 100s oh that yeah i was gnarly when i was smoking [ __ ] jack kerouac that's [ __ ] hard i was almost pulling butts out of the ashtray oh yeah dude you know you're at a bad point life when you're doing sig math at the store that's bad news they only took like two drags off this thing yeah holy [ __ ] that's it for me man yeah kyle kinnain i gotta tell you 100 midwest unadulterated garbage unfiltered no 3.2 or whatever this kid's [ __ ] heavy alcohol garbage oh man but the best kind yeah dude thank you so much ma'am yeah buddy thank you so much anything you want the folks out there to know you got anything coming up anything you want to plug put out a new album called trampoline in a ditch put that out a couple uh maybe about a month ago so that's out other than that man i hope to do shows i know i either got to retire or something something's got to happen i'm living semi-retired i've been i was joking about it before all this now i'm like oh you mean i just do comedy when i want to and the rest of the time i'm [ __ ] off with bicycles and rc cars and [ __ ] yeah some aspects of it ain't too shabby i'll tell you that there there is a nostalgia of having nothing to do and ain't bad playing with rc cars jesus christ stop it right now you're [ __ ] killing yourself holy [ __ ] rc he drops the custom rc car yeah i'm just in the back tinkering you know oh my god right now the other tab open next to you guys on my computer is trying to figure out what guns i can buy in oregon with a california dragon this guy's getting oh [ __ ] kippy what do you got to tell him uh guys just as always thanks so much for uh supporting as we got this off the ground please make sure you review subscribe on itunes keep us in the top two hundo um full video available on youtube you can subscribe there as well and if you want to get the full catalog of our shows and all the shows on the network please you can subscribe to gas digital with promo code ayg we you save a couple of bucks we make a couple of bucks the world goes round baby yes sir guys thank you so much we love you and we'll see you next week yeah peace

Channel: AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

Views: 22,719

Keywords: Comedy Podcast, Comedy Podcast Kyle Kinane, Kyle Kinane Podcast, Kyle Kinane Stand up, Kyle Kinane Interview, Kyle Kinane This is Not Happening, Kyle Kinane Drunk History, Kyle Kinane Netflix, Kyle Kinane Loose in Chicago, Kyle Kinane Death of the Party, Kyle Kinane Whisky Icarus

Id: Y3xHwaUjglk

Length: 70min 10sec (4210 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 06 2020