AYC 2017 - Workshop - Ty Gibson - How to Find the Love of Your Life

[Music] you [Music] or maybe they hook up a few more times with the same person and so the concept the idea is that right now in our world people have entered into a process in which you can go to any given city into the nightclubs and you will see something like this you will see people together with with other individuals right beside them on their phones and what are they doing on their phones according to the Vanity Fair article listen everyone is drinking peering into their screens and swiping on the faces of strangers they may have sex with later that evening we're not just swiping back and forth the article goes on sex has become so easy quoting John 26 years old just a marketing executive in New York and so Vanity Fair with no religious agenda by the way this is just a secular magazine they're just trying to understand the culture so they go into these nightclubs and they're just interviewing people like John and John says sex has become so easy I can go to my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening probably before midnight this is fascinating one of the unintended side effects of this is that in the United States the prostitution industry is dying why is it dying because you don't have to pay for it anymore you just have to swipe and just pick a parking lot that you want to meet in nobody is going to pay for sex anymore because you don't need to pay for it check this out amanda says this is also a lady Vanity Fair is interviewing in that same club there's no dating she says there's no relationships says Amanda they're rare a relationship is rare you can have a fling laughing I don't know if you are familiar with that word just kind of a one-time one object just a fling you can have a fling that could last seven eight months and you could never actually call someone your boyfriend hooking up is a lot now watch your language hooking up is a lot easier no one gets hurt well on the surface so she's making it clear that no one gets hurt hypothetically theoretically but what is she revealing yeah there's a lot of hurt there's a lot of hurt the same year 2015 this is a lot of recent journalism and research in the United States New York magazine published an article in which they went to campuses around the United States University college campuses and just started interviewing young adults color students and they discovered what they're calling now the hook-up culture what is the hook-up culture here's the definition that the article gives this isn't my definition the article says the hook-up culture is meaningless sex with strangers and the script the article goes on to say again this is not a religious magazine this is a completely secular magazine the script according to the ritual is first you have sex then perhaps you'll date sex first then maybe you'll date notice the order of the experience or more likely you just continue to what just continue to hook up creating check this out creating a long-term relationship - feelings theoretically - feelings and you've created this rape relationship out of a series of one-night stands with the same person for a few months and then it's over you move on and theoretically you just had sex sex without any feelings without any emotions getting involved theoretically so essentially our culture is experimenting I'm going to call it experimenting our culture is experimenting with what we might call sex sex without love now what I'm going to suggest to you listen carefully now that sex transcends itself by pointing to love what our culture is trying to achieve is sexual relationship without any kind of commitment without love and in the process something horrific is taking place in modern culture what's happening to our world the world in which we live in right now this idea of sex without love is producing a state of affairs that is killing the human capacity for the emotional dimension of love people are gradually becoming more and more jaded more and more disconnected because there is no such thing that they can hope for as commitment in fact the Articles that I just quoted to you part of the research that I didn't even reveal because it's so weird to talk about especially publicly is that when they were interviewing a bunch of these young ladies they were interviewing young ladies and young men in colleges and in clubs and one of the things that the young ladies were saying in their 20s and 30s over and over again they were saying it's really strange because young men in their 20s and 30s are having difficulty even performing physically sexually anymore in their 20s and 30s young men it's an epidemic or experiencing what is called erectile they can't even perform and they're in their 20s and 30s and the reason why the scientific medical research is telling us is because there is no love it's just sex without love and when the psychology of the situation is not connected to the biology of the situation the body begins to break down pleasure without love gradually kills the very capacity for pleasure this is so weird in our culture right now you're familiar with you've heard of at least you're familiar with Playboy magazine right Playboy magazine is the original porn magazine the original that's been going ever since Marilyn Monroe who was their first nude model Playboy magazine last year announced that they would no longer be publishing magazines with nude women the original porn magazine said no more nude pictures why they said when they were asked why not they said because it's so passe it's more provocative now to see a woman with clothes on because it has become so pervasive I don't know if you're familiar with GQ magazine it is the most prominent minh's magazine in the United States maybe worldwide GQ magazine recently ran an article again these are not religious people they have no theological bent these are just secular people who are paying attention to the world around them so GQ magazine recently published an article and the title of the article was ten reasons you should stop looking at porn right now secular magazine they're not preaching they don't quote the Bible they don't represent killer people saying here are ten reasons you should stop watching porn immediately and among the ten reasons check this out they say stop looking at porn because it's dangerous if you keep looking at porn pretty soon you will lose the very capacity to experience sexual pleasure at all in your 20s or 30s they explained in the article that men in our culture are so addicted to porn that an actual naked female in the flesh can't arouse them because they've been so over stimulated with images that are so extreme do you understand what I'm saying let me give an illustration do you like illustrations listen to this just imagine that you have not eaten anything for hours and I have a bowl of fresh-picked strawberries do you like strawberries especially when you're hungry right and I offer you a strawberry you you pluck one out of the bowl and you put the strawberry in your mouth and you begin to chew question is it sweet yes or no yes it's so sweet is there sugar in strawberries natural sugar is there sugar in strawberries yes but then I have another bowl and in this bowl our bite-size Snickers bars better than strawberries right so just after you ate a strawberry I give you a sticker x-bar' and you eat the Snickers bar and then in the next few seconds I offer you another strawberry you put the strawberry in your mouth here's my question is it sweet wait a minute listen very carefully I hope I can achieve this nuance with the language barrier here listen the strawberry is still sweet the strawberry hasn't changed at all it still has the same sugar content that it had all along just a moment ago it was sweet in your mouth right am i telling the truth the strawberry has not changed where did the change occur in your mouth because of the overstimulation with an extreme sugar source now what was once sweet tastes bitter now I'm not advocating that you only eat strawberries and never eat Snickers bars this is not a health seminar okay it's an illustration and the illustration is pointing out that on a sexual level what we're witnessing in our culture is something that is very scary very scary our culture is experiencing what the Apostle Paul called in the book of Ephesians indulgence in lust to the point that a human being becomes past healing beyond the capacity for actual pleasure where strawberries don't taste sweet anymore where sex with a real person isn't even stimulating our culture is so saturated with sexual imagery that it's out of control here's my premise sex as an end in itself as an objective sex as an end in itself will always fall short of delivering what it promises why listen very carefully now because you are not made for sex you're made for love and sex is merely one part of the complex that is love are you tracking with me so if you segregate out from the complex merely the sexual dimension eventually you will lose the capacity even for the sexual dimension here's what proverbs chapter 4 verse 7 says listen carefully wisdom is the principal thing the main thing therefore get wisdom and in all your getting get understanding he goes on and he says in verse a exalt her who's her here wisdom exalt wisdom and she will promote you she will bring you honor when you embrace her [Music] rather than nearly biological are you hearing the difference if you make decisions that are rational then scripture is saying the quality of your life will be elevated on all levels everything won't get better for you when young people come to me I actually had a young man coming to me recently believe it or not and he said hey what's the how can I have the best sex of my life I said are you kidding I'm a pastor you're asking me that he said yeah how can I have the best sex I said I'll tell you how you can have the best sex stop having sex with everybody and anybody that walks by and find love and then within the context of love have sex and you will have the best sex of your life he said is that possible is that out there somewhere to be found okay now I'm gonna share with you what I shared with him I'm gonna share with you seven secrets for lasting love get your phones ready so you can take pictures of some of these slides get your phones ready you're gonna want this material listen I'm gonna share with you right now I don't know where did you come from you came from 40 different countries I'm told I don't know where you came from or who you are but I'm about to share with you the reason you came all the way from wherever you came to this conference everything else you're hearing here in comparison to what we're about to discover all right that's not true I have some friends that are presenting here and it's good material I'm exaggerating for effect I want you to listen to this material very carefully all right I'm going to share with you the seven secrets of lasting love here they are here they are they all start with a c' conveniently so you can easily memorize them here they are christ-centered Ness character compatibility communication calling commitment and chemistry you better take a picture fast because it's about to leave it's gone you missed it all the girls got it the guys are too slow all right so what about christ-centered Ness what am I saying here listen listen this is the most important principle this is the most important principle Colossians chapter one says of Jesus he is before all things and that includes sex that includes all relationships he transcends everything he is in fact the one who created all things listen God is the one who created sex he's not against it he's for it did you hear what I just said the god of the universe is the inventor of sex and he's in favor of it he's not against it in fact he created a man and a what woman and he put him in a garden called Eden which means pleasure and the Bible says they were naked and you know what that means okay so God is not against sex he's in favor of sex but listen he is before all things and in him being consist I'll hold together the word consist there means to cohere to hold together do you want your relationships to hold together or are you fine with a series of cycles of broken relationships you want them to cohere Jesus is the key why just so you can be religious no I'm completely anti religion I was not raised in a religious home I'm a convert to Christ listen very carefully the reason Jesus is vital is because to the degree listen to the degree that two people move toward Christ notice that they are also simultaneously getting closer to each other why because in Christ there are principles I know that's a crazy sounding word that sounds very very scientific very austere very stoic principles in Jesus there are principles principles of happiness and joy and peace and pleasure though principles listen marriage is more like flying a 747 jet plane and less like bungee jumping you don't just pick someone and dive with a rubber band tied to your feet marriage is more like an airplane with many different buttons and dials and you have to pay attention to the details and if you pay attention to the principles everything gets better number two is character what is character this is what I tell young ladies we do a lot of teaching we teach a lot of young people I'm around young people all the time and this is what I tell young ladies all any young woman who's saying hey I want to enter a relationship I'm looking forward to getting married I want to have a family okay so so I'm dating Jack or Fred or Herrmann or whoever what am I looking for listen ladies this is what you're looking for pay attention to how he speaks to and treats his mother and his sisters just go over to his house just hang around and pay attention to the way he speaks to his mother and his sisters because that's exactly how he's going to treat you once the lulala factor wears off he will treat you the way he treats his mother and sister I had a young lady she was 18 years old she said to me I said really what's his name his name is Johnny he's amazing I said how do you know he's the one she said I know he's the one because we picked the same subject to write a report on isn't that amazing I said no that's not amazing at all in fact it's stupid so listen to what I'm about to tell you I said have you ever been around him when he is with his mom or his sisters she said yeah I said have you ever noticed anything that made you uncomfortable she said well yeah I said what well she said this one time we were at his house and his mom asked him to do something and he yelled at her and said shut up and walked away I said okay listen very carefully to what I'm about to tell you about Johnny Johnny with his beautiful symmetrical eyebrows Jonnie Jonnie with his with his 6-pack of ABS Johnny with his breathy breathy beautiful voice Johnny with his hair listen very carefully what I'm about to tell you about Johnny I said to her he is not the one it's that simple character what is character character involves the giving of Honor the giving of Honor this is scripture husband's likewise dwell with them that is your wives with understanding giving honor the word honor is a very powerful word it is pema and it means to ascribe value or worth or weightiness or high estimation literally the word honor means heavy not light but heavy it means to honor a woman means what she says matters to you how she feels matters to you what she thinks feels and says is heavy to you to honor a woman is to take her very seriously and to give her the dignity and respect that her humanity deserves that's honor any guy with whom you have a relationship that does not give you honour or waviness you just need to get out of the relationship as fast as possible compatibility what is compatibility compatibility is the friendship part of marriage so you're wondering should I get married too well our culture has flipped the whole thing upside down where the only question is what does she look like and am i attracted to her what does he look like and am i attracted to him so if there's physical attraction if there is some kind of chemistry huh he must be the one she must be the one she's hot he's hot let's get married really is it that idiotic yeah apparently it's that idiotic in our culture right now and here's how I know because in the United States and I have a hunch it's true here as well and it's probably true wherever you're from because this is the trend listen it is a fact right now that a minimum of five out of ten marriages Indian divorce five out of ten and all of those people when they got married had the Ulala factor and without locking in at the beginning and turned into oh no no and eventually they just couldn't handle one another any more why because there was no compatibility there was sexual attraction but no compatibility what is compatibility oh this is this is to me one of the most beautiful lines in all of literature from the Song of Solomon page flag excuse me chapter five verse sixteen check this out this is the woman this is the girl the Shulamite what a name huh and the Shulamite woman says about the boy this is my lover okay okay okay okay okay and my what friend that's what you're looking for you're looking for someone with whom this beautiful connection will take place where you can be both lover and friend let me tell you a secret I've been married approximately forever my wife Sue and I have been together since she was 13 and I was 14 I know [Applause] all right yeah you're using up my time stop okay my point is this we've been together since we were 13 years old and I'm going to tell you a secret are you right you like secrets I have to whisper are you ready you gotta listen very carefully here's the secret raise your hand if you did not get that you got it friendship is the better part of marriage friendship is the thing now what about communication well that's a part of the picture as well what is communication let me tell you 80% of all communication is nonverbal so we communicate with words but we also communicate with our attitudes and with our posture and whether our voice tone don't we don't we yes we communicate with our attitudes we communicate without words and this is very important to understand the average man the average male speaks 10,000 words per day 10,000 words per day unless you're German of course then you only speak 3,000 words per day is because some of those words are like five words together making one word so actually they speak more words they speak more words but they just put them all together it's amazing if you think about it okay so the average guy speaks just 10,000 words a day the average female speaks 25,000 words per day now this isn't even a competition but there's nonverbal communication notice the words here your eyes your what your eyes do your eyes communicate yes they do your eyes are pools of understanding how poetic huh pools of understanding and love flows through your affection affection is nonverbal for the most part it's an attitude it's a posture affection is physical but not sexual necessarily you can be affectionate without being sexual and it communicates so you're looking for someone who understands communication someone with whom you can communicate and then there's Colleen what is Colleen all about well calling this is a very important principle your individuality needs to be sustained in the relationship not erased have you ever been in a relationship in which you felt like in order to stay in the relationship you had to stop being you do you hear what I'm saying I heard an interview one time with a man and a woman who were married and the interviewer said hey have you read that Bible verse that says the two shall become one and the woman said yeah and I'm the one [Music] the idea is what the ancient Hebrews called zim zam zim zam zim zam what is zim zam it's an ancient hebrew idea that pertains to God and zim zam says listen zimzam is a principle that says listen very carefully zim zam says that God receded he backed up and he dialed his power down in order to create us so that we could exist alongside him without being crushed without our individuality being snuffed out you want a relationship in which listen you want a relationship in which both of the individuals their individuality is maintained there's no dominance there's no control in a marriage there is no slave and there is no master in a marriage there is equality and each one values the individuality of the other so each one exercises zum-zum each one backs up to let you be you to pursue what you're going to pursue to pursue your calling and to encourage and to empower you in your calling okay our times up commitment you know what commitment is well a lot of people our culture don't know what it is it involves the main factor in commitment is forgiveness I was giving a marriage seminar one time it was five parts five lectures on marriage each one was one hour long and by the fourth one this old lady came to me she was like she was as old as the planet she was old I mean just wrinkles deep wrinkles and this old lady she was hunched over she could hardly walk she was sitting in my marriage seminar I don't know why and she came to me and she said you were saying too many things she said I will give you my marriage seminar in five parts I said I'm listening she said here's my marriage seminar give give give give and forgive she said that's all you need to know and you know what on a certain level she was right if you're gonna stay married you're gonna have to you're looking for somebody who's large hearted enough to forgive and not hold grudges you're looking for someone because I'm telling you it doesn't matter who you end up with there are going to be things as you begin to do life together two individuals with individual personalities individual likes and dislikes two people get together you start sharing a bathroom oh no two people get married and I start sharing one refrigerator oh no two people they get married and they live in the same house they occupy the same space you're going to notice things that rub you the wrong way you're going to have to let your love cover a multitude of sins you're gonna have to overlook things you're going to have to overlook some things so there's the necessity of forgiveness and then finally it's chemistry that's the part that everybody puts is number one or just one without anything that follows chemistry is the physical attraction part and it is a part of the relationship you want to marry somebody to whom you're physically attracted physical attraction is a part of the picture it's fine it's good it's healthy you want to be physically attracted you want to be sexually attracted but listen if you're sexually and physically attracted but there is no commitment if you're physically in sexually attractive but there's no sense of individuality honoring one another if you're sexually attracted but you can't communicate with one another you can't solve problems with words if there's no compatibility if there's bad character if you have two different worldviews and you don't have a shared phase it doesn't matter how sexually it let me just tell you something no matter how beautiful you are when life gets real a year two years five years ten years into it there's going to be somebody more physically attractive than you you're going to have babies maybe or you're going to as a man have some kind of development you will change and if the only premise of your relationship is physical attraction a few years into it there's gonna be somebody more attractive that's what I'm telling you and they're going to move on at least with their eyes and then with their affections and then in secret and then on their computer in the dark if you don't have something more than mere physical attraction you'll be a part of the statistics like everybody else the fact is the chemistry part is great it's beautiful it's biblical even this is in the Bible the girl says to the guy in the Bible draw me after you let us run together only a girl would say this let us run together how I wish the King would bring me to his chambers the girl goes on tell me o you who my love where you feed your flocks where where do you make them rest at noon because when the flocks are resting you know I can come by that's what's being said here I'm not making it up this is biblical this is inspired by the Holy Spirit the boy responds and he says you have made my heart beat faster guys you should memorize this this is a great line okay you have made my heart beat fast my sister I don't know why colder that do not say that okay you have made my heart beat fast my I guess my sister in Christ going somewhere better than that my bride you have made my heart beat fast with one glance just one glance of your eyes with one strand of your necklace she wasn't an Adventist and then the girl says I am My Beloved's and his desire is for me there's nothing better than knowing that you are the object of the other person's desire but in the context of love the girl says notice the girls doing most of the talking here come my lover let's go out into the country and spend the night in the fields I guess she was a camper like you guys are doing there okay let's spend the night in the field hopefully they have some kind of cushion mat or something let's go early to the vineyards and see if the buds are on the vines this is all sexual metaphor this is poetry and the girl says let us see if the blossoms have already opened and if the pomegranates have bloomed and there this is so beautiful and so corny we don't talk like this anymore but there's a spirit here there's a spirit here what I'm sharing with you is very very simple but it is vital you're young most of you are single most of you have been deeply hurt you've given your heart and some of you have even given your body to somebody that you thought loved you and would stick around and it hurts bad I'm telling you that you can be healed by the love of God in Christ and you can begin with a clean slate and you can say you know what I'm gonna do this thing right from now on I'm gonna do this intelligently I'm gonna actually think with my head and I'm going to apply these seven principles and I'm going to look for a person with whom I can have the full spectrum of the complex of love so that it will be sustained and go on and on and on and become the beautiful thing that it was meant to be all along thanks for your time [Applause]

Channel: EUD Youth Ministries

Views: 3,653

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: ayc, 2017, adventist, youth, congress, ty, gibson, how, to, find, the, love, of, your, life

Id: aWjC-1PMXUo

Length: 38min 48sec (2328 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 24 2017