Arelia Hopkins

she she started texting me on my phone and it takes me like an hour to get a word out you know trying to figure out these keys and so she's got me she's quick but see she's got a daughter in college so that's why but um this lady here is such a wonderful has a wonderful spirit I just fell in love with her the second I met her you know you can just tell a person's character and in spirit and she's a woman of Prayer she told me on the phone that the day I had called her the day after which was several months ago to come she said God spoke to her specifically for this meeting what he wanted to say she speaks all over the world at different ladies retreats seminars her and her husband are over the Caribbean and Central American region so they've done missions they've done it all so can we welcome sister Hopkins this morning let's give that hand clap as praise unto the one that deserves it [Applause] Thank You Jesus amen it's been a lovely morning we I just feel like you know we've been at the table having coffee with Jesus just talking to a friend and listening it's it's it's a privilege it's such a wonderful thing to know God that way you know I was raised Catholic and I didn't come in to this wonderful relationship with God knew about about God but didn't know God till I was a teenager and and I don't take it for granted I don't take it for granted I know what it is to live knowing about God but not knowing him and never feeling him but God is great and his works are marvelous and every one of us that is in this place are a marvelous work of God say I am a marvelous work of God but don't just say it believe it amen what I am going to share with you today I felt directly impressed of the Lord to do so I don't share this everywhere I go I only do it when the Holy Ghost impresses me to do it and I'm gonna take you on a journey of a little part of my life and some have gone through something similar but God wants to talk to somebody here this morning we've already heard from some wonderful women that have shared personal experiences and each one have glorified God in each experience that God impressed each one of them to share with you what God is trying to do is let you know without a shadow of a doubt that he's big enough for anything you're facing in essence what he's been telling us through these testimonies is I live I'm real I'm powerful what do you want just write out the check because I can cash it amen that's what he's trying to tell us he's talked to us and given words of faith to women whose husbands are not serving the Lord you have to receive that word and walk out of this place with it he's given a word this morning to mothers that have carried a very very heavy burden for their lost children now he's given you a word it is up to you to receive that word say I received that word and walk out with that word he's given a word to those that need physical healing you need to claim that word for yourself and trust in the Lord walk out trusting in the Lord more than you were already trusting him when you walked in this morning and there's another work that he wants to talk to you about another healing and it's the healing of the soul and that's what I'm gonna share with you how God healed my soul thank you sister Haney for the privilege of allowing me to stand here and address the daughters of the king amen the Lord bless every one of you God's will be done let us stand to show respect for the reading of the word Psalms 143 verses 10 and 11 Psalms 143 verses 10 and 11 teach me to do thy will for thou art my god thy spirit is good lead me into the land of a brightness quicken me O Lord for thy name's sake for thy righteousness sake bring my soul out of trouble in Jesus name you may be seated there's an old chorus that we used to sing I remember as a new convert singing it and the chorus says I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord I'll be what you want me to be I'll say what you want me to say and I remember many times singing that as a young convert you probably remember singing it too and we can all remember going to the altar as new converts with our hearts full of that first love for the Lord ready to give anything to the Lord we were experiencing the thrill that joy the excitement of that first love encounter with the Lord at that time in our lives God could have asked anything of us and most of us would have said yes Lord we were willing to yield we were willing to trust we were willing to babe we're just so full of his love let me address a very very interesting word and that word is self-image the dictionary defines self-image as one's concept of oneself or of one's role every person present under the sound of my voice has a self-concept this is the manner in which you perceive yourself if someone was to come up and ask you what kind of person are you describe yourself you would begin to enumerate a list of description of your temperaments a list of your likes and of your dislikes and the truth is that we do know a lot about ourselves we really do we will we live with ourselves every day but it's also true that in some areas of our lives we can be completely blind to the truth about us we perceive ourselves inaccurately our perception can be incorrect and at times what God sees in us is far different than what we see in ourselves now let me tell you a little bit about myself image that I had at that time my self image included a real real strong belief that I was one of those extremely fortunate people that never ever struggled with the will of God isn't that wonderful and I really really believed that I had good reason to come to that belief I felt that when the Lord had called my husband a pastor in New York City in the South Bronx with burn out buildings and sometimes you'd walk down this sidewalk and somebody had set a car on fire I hadn't hesitated to follow the will of God now I will be honest with you I would have never chosen New York City never but when I felt that it was God's will for us to go I didn't struggle with it I said yes Lord I don't want I don't want to race my kids here but you know if this is what you want fine and four years later when God directed us into missionary work I was thrilled I was just I was just thrilled it didn't bother me that I was gonna leave my country that I was gonna leave my family I think my mother's feelings were a little hurt because they didn't bother me that I was gonna leave my family or my church so my final conclusion was Aurelia aren't you fortunate you just don't have a problem in this area of your spiritual life that is really great no after accepting God's will to go to New York City and to an underdeveloped third-world country you might have reached the same conclusion now my husband my two small children at that time my oldest daughter was 5 years old my little boy was a year old left for Panama Central America in 1980 we became totally absorbed in the work of God in the task of winning people and raising up churches and establishing the United Pentecostal church Jesus name one God Apostolic Church there in that country we didn't know a soul when we got there and four years later we had established with the help and glory be unto God 12 churches amen God had given us a great harvest in that short time well soon the time arrived for our deputation travels and we returned home and it was nine months into the deputation I usually would stay and home base in Houston Texas and put the kids through school and my husband would do the traveling and it was about nine months into our deputation and bertha hopkins was doing the traveling here in california and he calls me and he says irelia you need to begin to pray because there is a possibility that we may return to the neighboring country on the north that is Costa Rica there is a need there they that work there is without a missionary and I have been approached about the possibility of us going to Costa Rica and but I have told them that I haven't felt a release from Panama so I'm gonna pray about it I want you to pray about it there's a possible change and ladies I was on that phone and it was like I went into shock that was the last thing I ever imagined that phone call the information I would receive in that phone call and so for the next three months I would go to church I'd go to the prayer room daily and I began to struggle I felt like Jacob struggling with the angel and I would ask the Lord in prayer Lord just speak to me clearly if it is your will for us to go to Costa Rica all I need is just one word just just give me one word that I can hold on to that so that I can accept this change with all of my heart and this was a new experience for me never having struggled in this way and for the first time in my Christian life I began to experience deep anxiety in a situation that involved a change in God's will for my life now I knew enough about this old flesh to know that if our flesh rises up before the presence of God it will become an obstacle and our ears our spiritual ears will not hear what God is telling us because our flesh rises up and it's just wrong and I must have had some kind of an idea that that is what was going on even though I never consciously accepted that or analyzed it that way but going by my prayer surely somewhere in my subconscious I probably knew it was going on it was May 1985 and we were celebrating a beautiful missions conference in our home church it was at the end of the service the lights had been turned down as the altar call was given and people were walking down the aisles you know with their heads bowed making their way to the altar I was just one in a crowd of hundreds and I knelt at my pew and with tears streaming down my face I began to cry to the Lord Oh God please Lord just give me one word that's all I asked just one word that I may know your will and surrender to it in three months of praying I had not heard from God and I knew that time was running out because that very night brother Hopkins had to give his answer to our director of foreign missions that was also present at that missions conference when I knelt and I wept and ladies I didn't just cry I whipped I mean it was coming from the very depth of my soul I said please God give me a word God not only gave me a word he gave me more than a word he gave me a vision and as I knelt there between the pews I saw in my mind on my left hand an infant child and this infant child had a patch of black hair he was wrapped in a fine white knitted blanket the vision was so real ladies that it seemed like I could even smell the scent of a recently bathed and powdered baby I could tell that this child was very well cared for by its appearance and then on my right hand I saw a smile child a small child with blond hair and a fair complexion his face was round and his cheeks they were Street like when a child cries and then wipes the tears but there's been dirt on that face I could see the streaks on his cheeks he was barefooted and he wore dirty little shorts and a plaid shirt that was too little his little tummy showed between his little shorts and his shirt he looked like a street child and as I saw these two children the Lord gave me the understanding of the vision the child to my left represented the child the church in Panama the charge that my husband and I had with the help of the Lord burst in that country it was loved it was well cared for it was tended it was in good in a good state physically spiritually but the child that I saw on my right represented the church in Costa Rica this charge had suffered in the last three years quite a bit it was in need of love and of care have nourishment of someone to love it and that's why the Lord showed me the church represented as a street child that goes around begging for money for food and when I saw these two children the voice of God came to me to my heart and he spoke very very clearly and very firmly and he gave me one command and he said I want you to love this child as you have loved this one and immediately ladies I mean the split second that I heard these words from the Lord I didn't even give myself a chance to meditate to think anything out I became just automatic response in my flesh and I cried out I remember it was with piercing pain and I cried out and I pleaded with God and I said oh God please don't take my child from me and immediately the word of the Lord came to me and he answered in response to my plea and he said firmly neither one of them is yours his words pierced my heart they were not the words that I desired or expected to hear from my god God's approach to me the way he approached me with that vision had stirred up my maternal feelings as a mother loves a child and looks after it and he was commanding me to love a child I didn't even know he was commanding me to love a child I didn't I didn't want to love I already had mine then I was loving and looking after and I never even gave myself the opportunity to patiently consider God's request because if I would have had the experience the knowledge to hold back on my reaction if I would have said all right irelia be still be still don't react think analyse can keep talking to God I would have realized that God was only asking me to enlarge the circle of my love to include other people the Lord never said that I had to stop loving the church in Panama but yet my reaction had been as if that's exactly what he had told me it was my lack of face it was my lack in trusting God it was my lack of understanding it was my human shortsightedness it was my inexperience that sent me crashing all I could do was weep just I just wept and I wept and I wept because I had understood God's rebuke because he had rebuked me with those words I had dared before his presence claimed something as my own when in reality all things belong to God I had forgotten that I was only the servant I had forgotten that I was only the handmaiden then I was only an instrument and that he is the master and the Lord of all now let me take the liberty to ask you something what are you calling your own that really belongs to God we become possessive of things and we become possessive of people to the point that we want to be in control of everything and we want to control everyone around us and we feel so strongly about this that we defend our right to have this attitude and this happens a whole lot more ladies than what we like to admit how many pastors can begin to view the church as a pastor as being theirs they forget they are only the under Shepherd how many parents look at their children as being their property I haven't heard of too many parents laying their children before the altar of the Lord and saying call my child some day Lord to be a missionary no I've never heard of that prayer most parents want their children and their grandchildren to be saved but God let him live next door amen how many claimed their houses as their own forgetting that God gave it to us and they never opened their home for a Bible study group for a home fellowship group for a get-together for the new converts that they can feel welcome and apart others claim their businesses or their jobs as their own forgetting that that's blessing from God and they justify not paying their tithe correctly or giving in the offering let me remind you that everything we have has been loaned to us by God it's only alone husband children houses lands it's only alone I believe that at times we have all been guilty of claiming our own Spanish even our lives it's my life and since it's my life I can do with my life what I want to do with it hmm no it's God's life because God is the one that breathes life into us we start claiming other people material things as our own and we forget that everything belongs to God and so we go on our merry way date today turns to weeks to months to years and we justify these attitudes before God our spiritual discernment becomes clouded by our erroneous mental concepts wrong attitudes but this doesn't affect God's discernment it doesn't affect how he sees us he always sees us as we really are the way he sees things is always the truth of the thing 1st Timothy 6 7 says for we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing else give it to God cuz you're not gonna take it with you I'm not gonna take it with me so after service for the hopkins asked me well are we gonna go to Costa Rica or aren't we he knew that it was the will of God but he also knew that I was struggling and he had never seen me struggle like this and he told me and I have to admire him for doing it for taking the risk of me not answering correctly he said if you say no irelia we won't go just say no and we won't go but I knew enough about the things of God and I knew that it was my place to follow my husband I had always done this in my married life I had always submitted myself to the will of God and I had followed him and I decided you know arrey you can't do anything else different you got to keep doing what you've been doing and so out of my mouth came the words John it's not my decision it's your decision and if you feel that this is the will of God I will go but I'll have to be really honest with you women inside I was completely devastated everything inside of me was screaming no no no in all my prior experiences in all the changes in life that we had made there had always been the feeling of joy of anticipation of what God had prepared for us of what we were gonna find over there waiting for us but this time I left the United States I got on that plane I said goodbye to my pastor to my family and I was in total chaos in sight I got on that plane I was in a daze we arrived in Costa Rica and I was in great internal conflict I went through all the motions because we can always go through the motions and nobody can guess what's going on inside I think even in the years that I was in Costa Rica sister Mullings and brother mullings came with a pastors in missions group with other pastors and they probably never guessed what all had gone on in me while being there and they were in my home I went through all the motions of setting in settling into a new country finding a house putting the kids in school of pastoring a new congregation of being a missionary to a new people but inside I was an emotional chaos there was a great great battle going on from within during my first four months that I was there and on Sundays I remember I don't play mind you I don't play I just kind of play but when you're the only one that kind of plays and nobody else plays you play and so I'd sit on that organ and I do my little keyboard thing and I remember Sunday's were especially hard for me and I would sit in church and I'd say to myself what am I doing here I'm not supposed to be here I'm supposed to be in Panama and Sunday's were just almost unbearable for me now you remember that vision that I told you that I had now I don't know if you're gonna be able to believe this but I'm telling you the truth somehow and I don't know how I had completely tricked it out of my memory I didn't remember that vision it was gone and I kept telling the Lord well Lord you know I asked you for a word you never gave it to me I guess I'll just have to you know take the Word of God and the Word of God says that women you know be submitted to your husband's and and I guess that that's gonna have to be enough lord I know it sounds unbelievable but it's the truth I didn't remember it I was reading the June 16th 2003 issue of Newsweek magazine and it was an article written by jonathan alter that was titled oh what webs we weave the article was about self-deception it stated that Hillard Hillary Clinton's book living history suggests a woman who put the D in denial the author also described Martha Stewart as a woman who ignored the obvious and stated Martha Stewart would be getting off easier if she had simply admitted what seemed to have happened he continues on to say but she couldn't live with a slightest stain on her public and can I add self image of perfection there it is that powerful little word self image we hold on to that at times and when we do it can motivate us to make very unwise choices in life mr. alter also spoke about Sammy Sosa a baseball player for the Cubs who thought he says in his article irrationally like Martha Stewart that he'd never be caught when he used a corked bat which is illegal in baseball mr. alter says his greatest deception was of him self and we can sit in this beautiful auditorium with beautiful carpet and the beautiful almighty presence of God and feel his presence and bask in his presence and we may cry and we may speak in tongues and rejoice and we are deceived in ourselves in an area somewhere in our lives that is completely deceived and we don't see it and that's the horror of the situation when you don't see it then you can't do anything about it but there's a God in heaven you hear me ladies and he's a loving father and he knows that you love him and he knows you're trying to serve Him with all of your heart and your faithfulness but sometimes we not the devil we weave a web and then we're caught in the the web that we weave and our God sees oh my poor child you are cut you are tangled up you are losing out little by little and you don't even know the reason why because you see when you rimmel against God in any manner in any manner the first thing you lose is spiritual discernment you lose the capacity to see the truth you can no longer discern oh Jesus and the author's closing sentence in his article were but the most interesting lies are the ones we tell ourselves there it was there it was the lies and that's where I was I had lied to myself can I be so bold as to address you with all respect and ask you could there be lies that you're telling yourself I can't remember when I resign to the fact of living in Costa Rica but I did it was so sudden all of a sudden it was like my battle disappeared everything was fine now it's like it had just evaporated into thin air I came to accept the fact that I was in Costa Rica and I said well I'll just make the best of it and I began to fulfill all of my responsibilities as a missionary wife of course a little reluctantly at the beginning but then I got into the mode two years later I became aware of a change that was going on inside of me I never stopped praying you know I never stopped going to my closet of Prayer in prayer after two years I began to ask the Lord Lord Oh what's happening inside I feel a change inside but I just can't put my finger on it Lord and as I tried to analyze in the presence of the Lord what it was I was feeling God so gracious I mean I I kept asking him and when I'd asked him he'd answer and and he said to me he said you've lost the joy of the ministry and I I had I love to be with people I love people I love to talk to the Lord about with them I enjoy and I really enjoy ladies most of my ministry I can say has always been to ladies and I love the atmosphere of ladies and and so the Lord revealed to me that I had lost the joy of the ministry where before I had loved being around the church people now I'm being totally transparent here okay now when the phone would ring and it was somebody from the church oh it was a saint or a minister I would just grown and when the Lord let me know and you know what what I had lost and that I was keeping people at arm's length he showed me this and you know he showed it to me and I acted like nothing had happened Mike and I he hadn't told me nothing like he hadn't showed me nothing I left that prayer closet and it was everything's fine isn't that amazing I I'm telling you I just kept on living with the knowledge no no it was I didn't forget that but I just kept living with the knowledge and I didn't even try to change the situation basically ladies I just ignored God I was becoming real proficient at it denying everything he showed me I just deny it he tell me I just ignore it that was my way of denying it I wouldn't even pay attention to that I know now that at the time I know why I didn't acknowledge it and I didn't acknowledge it I didn't acknowledge what the Lord revealed to me because I didn't want to deal with it because if I had to bring myself to deal with it then I was gonna have to face the truth and see I was running away from the truth there was no way I was gonna acknowledge it and what was the truth what was so terrible that I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to deal with that and I didn't want to analyze that and I didn't want to dig over there what was it why was I so afraid to face the truth why did I keep lying to myself why did I keep denying everything God showed me because I knew somewhere inside of me that I was in sin against God oh we don't like to call it sin what you saying oh I'm just being a little hard-headed oh I'm just putting it off oh it's on I'm really not disobeying God I'm just not gonna do it today I'll do it tomorrow there's a saying in Spanish that says there is none so blind as he that refuses to see and then so deaf is he that refuses to hear have you ever tried to reason with someone who refuses to listen you can't have you ever tried to reach out and help somebody that refuses to acknowledge what you're telling them you can't help them we had now been in Costa Rica three years it was May 1988 and I returned stateside for the birth of our third and youngest child it was right after the birth that the Lord had decided your time is up you've ignored me long enough and it was then after the birth of that child that he put me on the potter's wheel Oh ladies you don't want to go there I'm telling you you don't want to go there three weeks after the birth of my daughter Alisa I was readmitted into the hospital I was very ill my body would not accept any nourishment everything that I took in came back up after two weeks on IVs and every possible test the doctors had no answers one doctor Tober the Hopkins if your wife doesn't start eating soon things are gonna become very very complicated we've got to get her to eat she can't stay on these IVs indefinitely one evening it surprised me I saw a man walk into my hospital room I was alone in the hospital room and he was well dressed had a suit on tie you know it was early evening and he proceeded to introduce himself and when he he sat down by my bed and he spoke to me very very calmly and he explained to me that he was a psychiatrist and he said you know as he said mrs. Hopkins he said I've read all of the doctors reports and he began to explain to me that the doctors couldn't find anything organically wrong with me and he explained he said you know mrs. Hopkins a lot of women suffer depression after childbirth because of the changes of the hormone levels and such and he wanted to know if I would be willing to put myself under his care and at that point I you know after not having eaten for for three weeks and of course I my baby was newborn I could not tend to her my my mother-in-law my sister-in-law they were taking complete care of her and at that point I was willing to try you know almost anything psychiatrists all right I'll give it a try anything to get better and so I he's he handed me some papers to sign in Ennis I was signing those papers lady ladies I was I was thinking now why do I have to sign these papers again I was already I'm already admitted to the hospital you know why have to sign these papers he told me to sign them inside I signed him the next morning early two orderlies came in and they brought a wheelchair and they said miss Hopkins you know you don't have to move we had to take you you know to another room so would you please get on this wheelchair so I got in the wheelchair and they wheeled me down the hall we got into the elevator with the two orderlies and got to the fifth floor doors opened walk down another aisle and all of a sudden we're in front of these double doors huge double doors and I see this orderly reach his hand in his pocket take out a set of keys and he opens the door and I'm sitting there in the wheelchair thinking keys doors locked where are they taking me and some of you have already guessed it and when he opened up the double doors that stood before us I thought no no no no wait wait wait it's not what I'm thinking somebody tell me this is not what I'm thinking it is but you guessed it when I asked the orderly were y'all taking me he said this is the psychiatric ward ladies I can't tell you what emotions ran through me I've been then I was stunned never in all of my life had the thought ever occurred to me that one day I would find myself in a situation like this that I would be admitted to the psychiatric ward because you know we all have this stereotype of people that go to the loony bin and and and my self-image didn't include that now I realize how come the doctor had been such a smooth talker and I had to sign papers I had just signed myself to the psychiatric ward he never mentioned the fact that by my accepting his carrot that's what I would be doing admitting myself well now it was stuck oh my my my the places you'll go on the potter's wheel I knew one that went into the belly of the whale the doctor's first orders were to put me under heavy sedation and I slept for two days when I finally woke up my husband was beside my bed and the first words out of my mouth were I'm so hungry please find me something to eat and of course to him that was that was music to his ears a short time later they brought me a tray of nothing but soft food and I ate it all so I was starving it was the first time in three weeks that I had been able to keep anything down what I didn't like was that they had me on sedatives tranquilizers whatever you want to call it and I just felt like my whole mind and my head was in this like just groggy I couldn't think clearly I couldn't do anything it was like when I would move it's like I saw myself moving in slow motion talking in slow motion and I didn't like all of that but during this time I had daily sessions with the psychiatrist and with the psychologist and ladies it didn't take me but one week to figure out that they were not gonna be able to help me they were not gonna be you remember you know I was a child of the Lord I did have the Holy Ghost granted I was trapped but I still there were some things that I could still think correctly and I knew that the only one that was going to help me out of that situation was God Almighty and so I asked the nurse I said well what happened can I sign myself out of this place and she said well you can but if you do it without your daughter's approval the the insurance isn't gonna cover it and I'd already been there seven seven days and at that those at those those years ago it was $500 a day so I thought no I better not go that route I've got to figure out something else so I began to act as if I was better and they they fell for it and so a few days later I asked the psychiatrist I said doctor I said ah I think I'm doing better don't chew and he said yeah I think you're doing better I said well well can I go ahead and go home he said yeah he said I'll sign I'll do the papers today and you can call your family so they can come and get you in the morning I wasn't any better I bet they didn't know any different of course God did and a month later I was back in Costa Rica with my family physically I was extremely weak I still hadn't been able to completely eat correctly someone had to come in and look after the house and look after the baby but little by little I started going back to church I only had the strength to make it to one one service one outing and I was still I didn't tell you all this but I was still I was deep in depression I was still suffering a lot of depression and they had given me a prescription of a daily tranquilizer it was a low dose but I was taking it one day I received a long-distance phone call from sister Beverly an American military wife whose family was stationed in Panama and she was calling me and and she said sister Hopkins she said she cuz she knew my situation she said I'm gonna go to Costa Rica I'm preparing my trip and I'm gonna go to your house and I said sister Beverly I said I know that you're aware that I've been very very ill and I'm not in any condition to receive visitors and she said oh no no you've not understood the Lord has told me to go and take care of you you know I wanted to come and so this is what I did you know I had the phone up to my ear and I said sister Beverly could you wait just a minute and she said yeah and I went I was thinking about it you know in the ministry so many times you're just used to giving and helping giving and helping giving and helping and it can become a stumbling block when it comes time for you to receive help it could be no it not could could be it is pride and so I had to think about it well I thought about it for about 30 seconds and I thought you know she said that God God told her and she said God told her I better let her come that's the only reason I let her come because she said God told her I said well sister Beverly I said you said that God told you yeah yeah God told me well alright go ahead and come I said I'm not gonna be able to look after you no no no don't worry about let me tell you ladies I hope God is so great from the moment that this dear Saint of God walked in my house God began to work that week the Central American ministers seminar was being held it's an annual meeting that's held but that year it was held in in Guatemala and it was gonna happen that week a few days a couple of days after sister Beverly got to my house I'd already told my husband John you can't go honey you can't go because he when you're suffering with your nerves and depression usually choose one person and you cling to that person because that person gives you a sense of security and if that person has gone away too far you feel like fear and you feel all kinds of awful things and I tell them you know you can't go John I know that you're a missionary and you're supposed to go but please honey don't leave me and so you said don't worry about it don't worry about it you know I'm gonna be here I'm here for you and so that week sister Ferguson Thome you know when God sends somebody to you he usually tells them to tell you things you don't want to hear and so she told me you need to let your husband go because she was like that real kind of forceful and I said sister Beverly you know I can't you know how I feel I can't and she answered she said what God wants to do he'll do it while your husband's away I don't know why but that's what I feel from God and when she put it that way I remember looking down I was sitting in the easy chair had my feet propped up because I was still real weak and I said Oh sister Beverly all right all right tell him he can go she turn around bruh Hopkins but Hopkins pack your bags you're going to want Amala and I heard him you know through the hallway how'd you get her to let me go well she she said you could go pack pack your bags oh and I hated every minute he was packing but I didn't I didn't open up my mouth you know I didn't say anything the next day what he packed up and he left the next day we we would we would sit and talk a lot and I'd sit on that easy chair and I had a little sofa there on the side and we get to talking about the Lord and we've been talking about the Lord a good while and all of a sudden you know I've been around the things of God around God for years I could read register things you know I mean I was on the tranquilizer but I was okay and all of a sudden she just kind of stands up from the sofa and she stands up and she faces me as I'm you know on that easy chair and she says sister Hopkins she said before you ever returned because because she was anointed of God I felt like God was talking to me said before you ever returned to Costa Rica the devil was waiting for you right here in your house and I felt that God was letting me know confirmation from the Lord and we both got down and knelt down at our places and we began to pray began to pray began to break all of a sudden the Holy Ghost impress me get up get up there's something you got to do and the Holy Ghost was leading me and when I stood up at that moment that I stood up I still didn't know what what the Holy Ghost was leading me to do and as I stood up I understood the Lord had impressed me to go to every room of my house and rebuke Satan and his demons and the place I started I walked behind sister Ferguson and I went into my bedroom and I began to rebuke rebuke rebuke rebuke and I tell you ladies every step that I would take it was as if literally I would take a step into darkness and when I would say in the name of Jesus it was like light would fill that space of darkness and I went through every room of my house I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus light darkness I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus light I'd give another step and I'm gonna tell you some of you need to go home from this meeting because the devil's gotten in your house that's why you're going through what you're going through with your kids and you don't know what's going on but you know there's something wrong and I began to clean house like I had never clean house and I wouldn't leave a room until I felt the release of the spirit and at one point I felt sister Ferguson behind me and I felt I understood in the spirit she was holding me up she never stood beside me she stood and walked behind me her prayers were supporting me so that I what I needed to be to do no one could do it for me you see I had to do it but she was there God had sent her to me to help me to do the work it needed to be done he loves us he sees our situation and he wants to help us out of it and that next morning I was feeling a little bit better I knew that God was moving I mean it was very obvious that God was moving and I you know sister Ferguson she was great taking care of me but she wouldn't real good cooking and so I got on the phone and I called sister Mariana who I had known you know for that three years that we'd been there in Costa Rica we were her pastors and I called her up and I said sister Mariana I said would you mind coming over and putting on a pot of soup I still couldn't eat heavy things and and she said yeah she said so she started coming to my house and I remember was a Tuesday night and it was ladies service and I was feeling a little bit better so I hadn't enough strength to go to that Tuesday night service and I led the service and all of a sudden you know I gave the ladies the liberty if they wanted to testify and there's a hand that comes up in the back and it was sister Victoria and I was very surprised because sister Victoria is very quiet lady and she never did anything to cause attention to come to herself and so she stood up and she said she said sister Oh Delia um the Holy Ghost just spoke to me and told me to do something and I was so thrilled because sister Victoria I mean you hardly ever heard her voice and I replied and I told her I said well you need to go ahead and obey sister Victoria yeah you know it's not that you don't know to do right it's just that you don't do it you need to obey so she walked up to the front and that really surprised me because she was so timid and so she walks up to the front and walks right up to the front where I am leading the service you know with the ladies and she turns around to the ladies and kind of kind of inner timid way she says the Holy Ghost just told me to hug sister Aurelia and she looks over at me and I think all the ladies were just as dumbfounded as I was because everybody knew this was sister Victoria this has to be God and so she turned to me and as I almost get a real timid kind of embarrassed tone and she said it Amano de Mia can I hug you and I had I said well of course sister Victoria and so she came and she just gave me this big big bear hug and while she was hugging me I thought what does this mean Lord what does this mean I didn't understand why God had wanted her to hug me she hugged me and she went back and she went back to the last pew and she went back to being sister Victoria two days later I was sitting up in bed it was already in the evening I already had my PJs on and I had a bunch of cards right next to me and they were all cards that sister Ferguson had brought to me from the pastor's wife and some of the Saints from Panama because I had just had the baby and so they were cards of encouragement letting me know we're praying for you you're gonna be okay everything's gonna be fine and and you know where we're waiting to hear a good report that God's healed you and and so on and so forth and I began to feel as I read the letters just really began to feel sorry for myself real sad you know so I got real quiet and sister Ferguson whenever I'd get real quiet she'd always come and look for me and she appeared at my doorway and she said what you doing and I was so I wanted to cry after reading the cards because you know I wanted to be in Panama not in Costa Rica and these were all words from the people in Panama and I couldn't talk and so she came up closer to the bed and she saw that the cards on the bed and she said oh okay she said you're feeling sad you know because you're reading the letters that they sent and I couldn't answer I just kind of you know I with my head I had to be old lump in my throat and she said so that's the reason why you're feeling sad because you're missing the ladies in Panama and I I just went like this and my eyes were full of tears just ready you know to course down my cheeks and at that very instant that very instant as I cried silently because I couldn't be where I wanted to be Almighty God took his hand as it were his mighty divine hand and he reached into my mind and it's as if there would have been a heavy heavy huge curtain that could not be moved and with his hand he pulled back that curtain and in that instant when he drew back the curtain across my mind he allowed me to see myself exactly as he saw me i sat stunned he spoke to my heart real strong the image of sister Victoria hugging me came to my mind he brought it back and he said all I asked you to do was to love them and you would do it and as I heard his words he cleared my mind completely and I remembered the vision and the weight of the truth of my situation before God it struck me it struck me hard and I was horrified ladies I was horrified at what I saw and I realized oh god this is what you have been seeing when you see me all this time and all I could do I began to weep bitter tears of repentance Oh God forgive me forgive me forgive me forgive me I saw the truth of what I had hidden from myself I saw what was behind all the lies that I had told myself I saw behind all of the denial because he let me see it because he loves me they exposed my sin to me and he let me see myself through his eyes and what I saw was this ugly ugly sin of rebellion against the will of God from my life the Lord and Master had sent the servant on a mission of love and the servant had refused because it was not among the people the servant preferred this is what God had been working towards this is why he had allowed me to lose my physical help this is why I found myself an emotional affliction because he needed to bring me to this point of brokenness where my resistance would wear down and he could show me my true state and when he showed it to me I would admit it and see it and confess he loved me enough to save me from myself the Bible says that the heart can deceive you says man deceives himself and I know by experience how true that is that night after weeping bitter tears of repentance God showed me my attitude he let me understand my attitude even though consciously I had never said these words but this had been my attitude alright God I'm here in Costa Rica and I can't do a thing about it but I will not love these people he showed me that I had just been marking time for the day when I would leave but you know what God was not ever gonna let me leave Costa Rica without making it right because he knew he knew that if he would have allowed me to leave in the state that I was in I would be of no good to him in Costa Rica in Panama in the States or anywhere else no good to him we've got to understand that sin easily hides where there is no heat of trials and afflictions but you see in the heat of affliction the impurities and there are impurities that lie deep deep within us come up to the surface and make themselves so evident that we can no longer ignore them my rebellion to God's will had rendered me useless as a servant of God my denial is what I had used to hide the rebellion Jeremiah 17:9 says the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it the LORD search the heart the next morning after all of my weeping and my repentance before the Lord and his forgiveness I woke up woke up then before I realized it you know I got busy doing because anyone that has gone through depression knows that depression is your mind telling your body die die die you don't want to get up in the morning you want to cover yourself with you want the curtains drawn you want the room dark you want the covers over your head and I had gotten up like I normally used to and then it dawned on me it's gone it's gone the depression is gone all I could do was begin thank you Jesus thank you Jesus over and over again you know ladies there's a great healing power in repentance and the greatest healing on the face of the earth greater than the healing of this physical body is the healing of the soul see I had become so sick and so God had forgiven me had healed my soul had brought me up out of that depression felt like waking up from a nightmare please be patient with people that are in a condition like that pray for them pray for them that God will work in their lives you see rebellion brings spiritual blindness and rebellion takes away all spiritual discernment I've already told you then but you see when you're in rebellion you're convinced you have convinced yourself that that you're okay that you're fine that you're in truth so now that God had delivered me from my depression through repentance and my acknowledgment of my sin before him I felt the beauty of being alive again I went outside that morning I sat in the porch I had a just a little bitty porch there in my house in Costa Rica and sister Marianas cooking filled the whole house with delicious aromas and I was looking up at the sky was a beautiful day and the sky was blue and they had white puffy clouds you know just like in a picture that's exactly the way it was you know I was just thanking God for my deliverance and all of a sudden the voice of the Lord came to my heart and the Lord said stand up stand up and go to the kitchen and hug sister Mariana and I just sat there I didn't move I heard him clearly but I didn't move and the Lord repeated his command and he said stand up and go to the kitchen and hug sister Mariana and I looked down just I looked down at my hands I had a hand on each one of those of the the sides of the rocker and I looked at my hands and I was holding the the rocker so hard that my knuckles were white and I thought to myself oh my god Aurelia you've already been through so much and you're still struggling with this and again the third time the Lord spoke to me and he said I've told you what to do you will not heal until you love these people as I have commanded you to and I stood immediately up and with my eyes full of tears I made my way directly to the kitchen and sister Beverly saw you that I was really overcome she said you were right and I said yes and I went sister Mariana in her had been talking in the kitchen sister Mariana had been leaning up against the counter of where you wash dishes and so I went the refrigerator was right in front of her and I stood in front of her and I and I told her I said sister Mariana I said the Lord told me to come in here and hug you and at this point I was already crying and she looked at me completely and surprised with a big smile on her face and she said well of course history of Oh Delia you can hug me and so I just wrapped my arms around and I began to cry really hard and I began tasker I said I want you to forgive me sister Mariana I want you to forgive me for not having opened up my heart to you in true love and you know people are really they're really ready to forgive you and she said everything's ok you don't have to cry but you know she knew and I knew both of us knew that things hadn't been alright and at that moment God let me know what I had to do I had to go a little further there was a little bit more that God wanted me to do before he was through and I went to the phone and I called up every lady in the church that had a phone half of them didn't have phones but I told him I said get in touch however you can get in touch with the ladies that live closest to you they don't have phones tell them that I am gonna have a meeting in my house at 5:00 p.m. that late afternoon brother Hopkins came back from Guatemala he had just put his luggage down and we didn't eat a whole lot I'd it wasn't eating a whole lot so there weren't a whole lot in the house and so I went to him and I said John I said I need for you to go to the grocery store and just give me some things so I can make some sandwiches and I can have some refreshments and I said I'm having a meeting here at 5 o'clock and just like the last time he goes runs over to sister Ferguson what's going on why is she sending me the grocery store she insisted first and said she said I don't know but whatever she wants you just do it all I know is that God's working and he was he'd been working all those days and around five o'clock that evening the ladies began to arrive and I imagine that as they met coming from the bus stop and all there had been quite a buzz over this meeting they probably asked each other do you know what's going on do you know was good I had been their pastor's wife for three years and I had never opened my home to any of them ie I'm not proud of that but I am being transparent with you to help somebody so that you can see how far you can go if you keep lying to yourself and denying what God's been trying to tell you and so they came on in and I greeted them all and they all asked how I was doing and I set them all in the living room and that afternoon or that early evening I related this whole story and I know and I appreciate you ladies staying with me I know I've been long I related this whole story to them just as I have to you today it was difficult because they were the people that I had disobeyed God with and when I finished telling them I told them I said it's impossible for me to bring together all of the Saints in this country so for today you represent all of the Saints from the church and all of the Saints in this country and I want to sit here and I want to ask you to forgive me for not having loved you the way that God commanded me to love you and as i sat there I asked the Lord in here is this all you want me to do Lord I was really hoping that that was it you know I'd already sat there and confess all my sins again you know against God to him and again it was against him to and I I couldn't figure out what else I could do but the Lord could and he let me feel what was the next thing I was to do and so I stood up and you know it was really quiet in there nobody nobody was moving talking or nothing and so I stood up and I said I said would you please stand with me and I said now if you will allow me to I'm gonna go down the line and if you will allow me to I'm gonna hug each one of you in the true love of God that I have denied you and denied obeying God and I felt so thankful that they were daughters of the Lord and that they would forgive me and I felt so thankful that they would allow me to hug them because I knew that I had not only failed God but I had failed them and you can't turn back the clock and I thought oh God how many things I missed in doing and in helping and I can't turn back the clock and if I begin to hug these precious dear ladies I new ladies that at that moment Almighty God was setting this poor captain free he broke the bonds he tore down the chains that had been binding me for those years and He healed my soul James 5:16 sic 5 and 16 says confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that he may be healed there is great healing in confession but it is impossible to confess when you can't see your sin and God had been so merciful to me he had given me back my spiritual sight so that I could have the opportunity to confess and to ask him to forgive me the lasting impact that this experience has been to me is a deep spiritual understanding that God is the author of my life that God is the author of your life that it belongs to him and not to us that he purchased it at a great price his precious blood now I don't know what some of you who have been struggling with it may be something totally different than what I've related to you in my experience but I do know that God tries us to see what's in our hearts and he will always come to you and he will always ask you to give to him your most precious possession you remember last night and this preaching we heard you remember that last point where he had to give up and loosen Benjamin those of you that were here you gotta let it go to me in my life at that point the most precious thing that existed was Panama I really thought ladies that I would die if I could not be in Panama I was so wrong because the only thing that I cannot live without it's not Panama it's not even my husband it's not even my children I can't live life without God and him alone it is he and only him that we need what is your precious possession this day that you are holding above God what have you said in your heart Oh God don't take this from me cuz I can't live without this and God's trying to tell you yes you can it's me you can't live with what have you embraced so strongly and you refuse to release it you say I can't since Rob goons don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me to let it go I cannot I am here and I am a witness you can and you must he must be above all things he will not allow you to put him in a second place he is a jealous God but he is a loving father [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] let us follow the Spirit of the Lord this altar is open yes the double core areas said Allah borrow your subtle above already are you you have already yes son

Channel: CLC Ladies

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Length: 86min 1sec (5161 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 01 2020