Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Tom Segura Returns!

hey Kipping him tickets for the live show are flying off the shelf you ain't lying gang we just dropped a bunch of new cities stand up comedy plus we played a little ayg with the crowd it's a good good time yeah gang we're coming to Phoenix Denver Salt Lake City Los Angeles San Diego Washington D.C Pittsburgh Buffalo Toronto Pontiac Michigan then we're going to Chicago Illinois we're going to Minneapolis we're going to Madison Milwaukee Sacramento San Francisco San Jose and then the boys are coming back to Philly the chickens are coming home to Rose Philadelphia Pennsylvania in December get those tickets we love yous welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast this is are you garbage oh yeah so a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it at the group to be classy yeah aren't they just a big old piece of trash I'm your host Dave trolley coming at you on a sweltering day we're out back here at hoodies in the new edition she's upstairs she's got her feet propped up on a window unit okay trying to keep the merchandise cool you know what I mean my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he's the prince of the pan pizza he's the king of the calzone give it up for the flatbread freak KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody Kid Likes a zombie man you've been writing dude you're coming and swinging on this one what's up everybody thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video of album YouTube as you know those numbers are real [ __ ] cooking baby and then obviously the greatest website of all time www.patreon.com are you garbage gang check it the [ __ ] out it's a party over there baby yes sir and having a nice quick shout out to the magic man number 17 on his jersey about nine and a half in the shorts lady give it up for T-Bone Toby McMullen everybody what up boys hey pal what's up man I'm excited we got the boss of all bosses look almost a mock turtleneck Rock in there too looks like looking like Sammy the bull that's a that's a full turtleneck on a regular man gang the long hair ain't lying we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with this again today of course he is the co-host of two bears one cave the co-host of your mom house your mom's house he is the owner operator of ymh studios and he has a brand new special out on Netflix right now currently sitting at number one entitled Sledgehammer give it up for Tom segor everybody thank you thank you man yeah it's an intro uh it's my favorite podcast that's it that's all we needed from yeah get him out of here super happy to be back thanks for having me thank you for coming in congratulations man thank you thank you very much [ __ ] number one look at it it's very exciting it is exciting and you got the song too you got the Peter Gabriel song up front I had to write a check yeah that's why I was asking yeah well that's the thing is like all right you can use the song mate he's gonna cost you a couple of bucks this [ __ ] a car it's a BMW it's uh the thing is you know I've done other ones and a lot lot of times when they go what do you want like to walk out or walk off to and they give you like stock stuff that's fine yeah it's just like but I was just like I was trying to really make the special special yeah of course and I was like you know because you can you can easily be talked about like you don't need to spend this money but I was like yeah but it kind of it does add like an element of course even at a couple of percents of like that's it's that much starts you're like oh [ __ ] soundtracks make [ __ ] movies right what are we doing here but I I went way hard because I not only did that then I closed I licensed a gang Star song now you're mine so I wrote I bought two cars but but I just I I actually like don't have any regrets about that you know I like this you didn't have to reach out to him or anything did you no that's not better Gabriel oh Peter getting no that was uh yeah Pete all right come to me birthday party you can have it you want a boat yeah no he um he he said yes yeah of course yeah yeah awesome yeah I [ __ ] love it uh we were thinking yeah it's been a minute since you've been here you were one of the few people that came up classy here on the program yeah what is like the very few people have gone unscathed yeah yes very few people go on scape however when we were down there uh at the studios down there in Austin Yeah Austin Christine yeah but Christina P was saying you know maybe that might not be the case dig a Little Deeper find a little dirt under the fingernails I think she I mean I think she's right and the thing is like I try you know you try to convey like in these kind of things you're like I want it to be accurate and that I didn't come from just like it wasn't uh I mean look I'm privileged but I also I you know I very much remember the ascent sure right so like I I and sometimes you know when the questions come you're you're trying to make that clear but you know then people are like don't try to [ __ ] minimize but you know I remember us living in uh like I want to say trashy places but much more modest places of course and then you know as times went on yeah and then my dad just getting like promoted like so all that like it wasn't like like that when I was it wasn't like he was arrived when I was born um so I do remember that very clearly I also wanted to remember that when I first came on come on himself we talked about Taekwondo sure I remember that ymas I told you but I wanted to say on your show that I did take it at a strip mall and that it was with Master Hong Kong the great yeah uh and he gave me so so many [ __ ] belts that I shouldn't have you know I'm a black tip keep them coming back baby yeah one with snakeskin that was trashy yeah and we always say on the show the money doesn't money doesn't mean it doesn't Define you got to be able to carry yourself and you carry yourself very well but we do want to do yeah let's dig we'll put you back through the ringer a little bit okay let's see what we can see what we can come up with oh before this is a little bit of a side note before we get started you're a car guy it's well documented yeah right yep uh I would like your advice I recently my cars was stolen so I'm in the market for a new stolen yeah boys got me who the Kia boys they [ __ ] Jack my [ __ ] and we're hanging out in it okay um so I'm in the market for a new car guy like me what would you recommend guy like me guess what should I be driving around town uh Kia Sorrento yeah I like you I mean look I know how the patreon's doing so it's true to roof uh here's the thing are you do you am I bad with money yes okay I'm very bad with the money are you excited like here's the thing there's luxury guys that want to just become plush that's nice okay you're not a performance guy I mean what what about like uh just a benzo what about oh can we do yeah like the like a straight Bend I want an SUV I'm an SUV oh your SUV I think an SUV big guy you're driving here in the city yeah you don't want to do full-size SUV I want a big Escalade that's is what I want yeah they're amazing yeah I love those things are like those things are like spaceships those suck in LA and that's more space than here so I I had one there and I was like every time it's great when you like pull out of your driveway and then as soon as you pull up to anything you're like oh [ __ ] everyone's like what are you doing like they're mad at you for driving it they're like we can't park am I good over there yeah it's uh it's so they're so big they're huge what so you got to get like uh oh I got one for you lay it on me what about like a a Porsche Macan what that's I don't I my family would disown me if I I can't I have to import it from Italy but uh oh Porsche I'm not a Porsche guy and that's the SUV yes the SUV it's the small they have a cayenne and they have a Macan okay yes dude yes and once you drive when you're [ __ ] you'll never want to drive anything else I was thinking a Grand Cherokee or something no those are great you're driving around a Ferrari macchiato I wouldn't need a Ferrari do you have a Ferrari no that's not a no no no I don't I don't I don't have one are you just not a Ferrari guy I love Ferraris I just I've never I've never got one really yeah it's a good idea I should get one he just pulls out his face he's on carvana right now they're [ __ ] amazing have you ever driven one no what are you talking about I just told you my Kia got stolen first of all I think he's sleeping I most look if you I my belief is if it's not a classic or a a car that you're like I'm I definitely want this forever I don't believe in but I only I only buy the cars that I'm like this is I want to keep it forever you want this or it's like it's a special it's a class yeah so I mean I own the ones that you should own and then and I think if you were getting something like that I would lease that okay I would lease that all right last time you were here speaking of which that number was I want to say around five or six yeah was in the uh Arsenal yeah has that gone up I've moved a lot of stuff around have you I've sold a few things okay I have some things incoming okay [ __ ] um all right this is yeah I'm building a garage like off site to whoa yeah the offside garage it's nice too like a nice chill place that's very Jaylen yeah it's like kind of like yeah his you know what his holds yeah [Laughter] it has a staff he's a full staff there damn it's why are you gonna go something like that no no no it's much more tame than that security guard and a pit bull [ __ ] yeah yeah somebody with some steel [ __ ] Texan yeah these cowboys he's looking for [ __ ] kickers and shorts that's all he wears um okay it's a few I don't know it's a few cars but like it's nothing crazy it's not crazy wild huh man oh there you go Kippy you got your answer yeah I mean I'm not buying up you're getting it no I'm not I was thinking we're being honest I was thinking range Range Rover yeah and you think wait hold the [ __ ] on you think Porsche is outlandish but you're thinking Range Rover yeah I come from yeah a poor if you even so I think anyone in my family's ever been in a Porsche if it's uh okay are you gonna do like Land Rover Defender or straight up Range Rover Discovery wait a second I can't sit he got shot down on a Lincoln League I'm trying to get it so what are we doing here what are you talking about you think I'm gonna sit here you try anything you tried to get a Lincoln and they're like get the [ __ ] out of here get shot down dude I was so embarrassed they handed me a Jeep Cherokee like it was an ice cream how long ago [Laughter] it was within the calendar week I wanted to do this today what's your credit score it's a 750. I want to say oh then how'd you get turned down what do you mean they wanted to Kia they wanted the Kia they wanted me to give them that's currently under construction right now because they found four Dudes in my Kia so you go in there for a Lincoln what I went in for an aviator those are dope it was just too big my wife's got to drive that's too big for my wife to drive the sunglasses on and everything flight jacket were you feeling yourself you were like did you do this did you go like this when you were like were you like Aviator like that you guys I was doing the hand signals to [ __ ] land you guys take Discover card here he was texting the group chat going guys I'm at the Lincoln dealership and then 20 minutes later tonight yeah dude it was out there it was an open floor plan I'm the only guy I'm in there and I'm like [ __ ] I'm like yeah I'll take this like real not trying to be cool I was trying to be a guy I wasn't and man they then hide me and the hole I don't understand because my current car payment's like 238 dollars a month it's a [ __ ] it's a Kia so then they were like yeah no one goes from that uh they're like we don't trust you've never made a car payment they're like you're a drug dealer for sure yeah for sure and then he started going what can you get your hands on today and I'm like I stormed out of a place once really yeah yeah yeah this was like it was a number of years ago but I was with Christina and she wanted um she wanted a Volkswagen Bug okay so I go to those fun the dealership and shows this one let me go to his office and it was he was just like he was like yeah so I go so um what's a couple what are we talking about were you rich at the time no okay no but it's like here's the thing like we're just we look at the car having a conversation it's not like a very expensive car at the time yeah yeah it's like so I go uh can we look at you know this other one also I wanted to see this these and he goes would you like this one and I go yeah like I just wanted to compare see what else you have and he's like well you know if you uh it right away he's like if you can't afford it you know oh it was like I was like I just looked at her I was like let's go that stood up and I was gonna walk out but before I went out I stopped in the sales manager's office and I didn't I didn't I just opened the door I saw him and I go yeah this guy's a real piece of [ __ ] you [ __ ] pay this guy and he was like excuse me I I was like this [ __ ] skill I just went like on a rant I've done that at a couple dealerships where like I I definitely walked out I was like that was a little too much yeah well you are that's some real dad [ __ ] right you have a bit of a psycho side I mean I I I feel like everyone has triggers for things sure mine is definitely if you're disres like if I'm disrespectful oh that yeah yeah embarrassed gets me bad I definitely think violence first sure but I'm right there with you I mean assuming you can't afford a VW bug it's a pretty big insult I wanted to gut this guy on the floor like I really did I wanted to disembowel them in front of the other sales people dude in front of your wife too it got even worse uh people are gonna say Mr patreon but I so I [ __ ] I get them they come back they're like they wanted it was they want to be put down a [ __ ] ton of money it's not happening I'm like I'm like this I don't even I just came I literally Google like I just came to buy a car I need a car I'm probably not the same salesman and he's like uh all right he's like listen we got the price down as low as possible but that eats up all my commission maybe you just like tipped me 600 bucks I get the [ __ ] out of here buddy this is real yeah I swear to God because you just give me 600 bucks as a tip she buy it at Starbucks I was like dude it's saying Craigslist I'm gonna [ __ ] out of here all right so Range Rover seems like foreign [Laughter] embarrassing to say the least man cars man yeah let's get some more all right after that yes uh let's do a little digging yeah I have I have a couple that have been big on the show since you've been here okay uh that you know uh let's weigh in a little bit do you call it uh or okay dude when you're getting dressed will you put your pants on then your socks or your socks then your pants pants first underwear then pants underwear pants yes t-shirt and then socks last but as you're like leaving the house you would put your socks socks and then yeah yeah okay gentlemen all right gentlemen okay that's I think so I think it's I do socks underwear you do socks underwear yeah I don't know why it's just funny that's the under dress yeah you're right you're right it's just I don't know yeah it's just an odd look dude you're just pictured a fat guy in the size yeah I think I'm just picturing unicycle underwear okay it's a good time it kills with the neighbors make sure you answer the door you're like what go get the paper [ __ ] uh is it roof or roof [Laughter] anybody's in your family say refrigerator ah give me something out of the refrigerator over there in the refrigerator not if it's jumping out that's a pass no because like I'm actually like I think fridge is fridges fridge is normal refrigerator oh I feel like I've heard it but I'm trying to like place the person who says it it's not jumping out at me um what about hamburger my one of my sisters says I didn't make I'm always like she says especially oh you know she's like I'm big especially I'm like especially yeah and then espresso I'm espresso yeah but like you can use all Italians we'll say Sinatra called it espresso dumb [ __ ] like a stupid guinea they're dirty people greasy [ __ ] stupid Pig it's spelled out on the board dare you give it to you yes I mean it's es right like espresso it's espresso yeah I'm expressing I just saw the uh I mean this one obviously gets more of a pass here but a photo from a restaurant in Italy and they wrote please they wrote on the board please it's bruschetta oh I just saw that yeah yeah that made me laugh yeah the fact that they were like you sound like that yeah please it makes everybody mad your wife is yeah it's bruschetta when it comes out of Patty Foley yeah I get the bruschetta yeah of course yeah they're like not here okay yeah yeah I'll let them finish I think especially though I'm always like especially yeah X like when they're like X specially especially especially if yeah I have that I say vodka too you say no D in vodka vodka vodka okay two vodka tonics what about um is it ground beef or is it hamburger meat hahaha because one you got to go back to school yeah I mean I I feel like ground beef is pretty much like what always comes out sure and then when someone's like what's that hamburger hamburger meat yeah yeah yeah all right um obviously you flew out here uh up front or we uh solo uh I I flew out here up front Okay uh thank you to the people at Netflix okay shout out to them very nice and I'll fly out yeah look at you yeah you know pick it on the hotel is it just you or you got a team on there just me really yeah just me that would I have a great yeah press person Jamie thank you for coming um but yeah nobody else yeah flying now when you are flying up front all right yeah um will you take your shoes off no never I mean I can't say never there's been flights that are long where I've been like uncomfortable but it's not like my go-to move sure okay and I'm not talking a lie flat I'm talking like you know you're it's a couple hour flight you're up front I've had but I I feel like that's not like my ah I'm gonna it's always been like there's some discomfort sure always socked I've never done it like that's animals yeah no socks I've seen the [ __ ] guy yeah I've seen the guy take his shoes and socks off and then put them on the screen like on so that he's like like holding a bulkhead or whatever yeah holding them on this and then he's watching TV with his bare feet on the thing and I'm like yo um I've been flying in Crocs yeah yeah but would you put them on the bowl I can't get them up yeah they're [ __ ] there's some real animals on planet I saw a guy flying you follow passenger shaming yeah it's like it's so I've seen some wild [ __ ] but what you see on there is crazy I mean people drying their underwear under on the vent cutting their toenails I've seen that in person really a huge rush dry in their underwear yeah the Lower East Side Airlines it's [ __ ] crazy people really on planes will turn into [ __ ] animals yeah I don't understand it well you put your seat back if it's just not a not a not a lay flat yeah yes and I really do not buy into this like there's a whole segment of the populations it's like you shouldn't do that I don't think you should really yeah what if it's what if they're serving the meals will you checks okay say they serve the meal you finish relatively quickly will you just drop it back will you give a peek back to see if they're done I would do it like politely but okay I wouldn't wait till they're done I just try not to like knock everything over I'm not like you know I'm Diane so you'd be jamming me up if you did that really yeah you're right into my stomach dude I saw them we were flying out that would definitely be a little tap on the shoulder excuse me he pushed this old guy forward who didn't know what happened it was right away he went back and he was you know he had about 14 Bloody Mary's in him he was just like no [ __ ] Champions I did do this one time like I go boom and I swear I'm not exaggerating I heard like that and I was like yeah dude it was an old guy he was like my name how's that I was like I left it back I didn't care Kim how about that liquid IV shout out to liquid eye vizzle saved my life when I was sick a few months ago as you know gang it's the summertime it's hot as hell out there looks good screwing around here you gotta stay hydrated and there's no better way to do it what a little liquid IV I don't care what you're doing get it in the water bottle Shake It Up best thing you'll ever do yeah liquid IV has three times the electrolytes than other leading sports drinks comes in 12 delicious flavors and now they got sugar-free uh with their zero sugar hydration solution and no artificial sweeteners you can keep yourself hydrated without sugar without the Sugar Rush and dreaded 3 P.M crash baby I'm a big fan listen gang I'm no athlete but I do booze from time to time sure and let me tell you I pop a liquid IV before I go to bed and I don't in the morning time I'm up and at them ready to crack them you know what I mean feeling good in front shemachi uh just mix one stick in with 16 ounces of water hydrate yourself two times faster than water alone real people real flavor real hydrating now sugar-free grab your liquid IV hydration multiplier sugar-free and bulk nationwide at Costco or get 20 off when you go to liquid.com and use the code garbage to check out that's 20 off anything you order when you use promo code garbage at liquid iv.com do it gang Camp let's talk about ladder let me tell you something procrastinating something I do all the time I put things off don't do that when it comes to term life insurance get yourself straightened out so you don't leave the family holding the bag and you end up in a microwave box in the garage it's gonna be a big microwave guys I said it one two three I said it a thousand times ladders a hundred percent digital no doctors no needles no paperwork when you apply for three million in coverage or less all you need is a phone laptop to apply I used an iPad no big deal find out if you're instantly approved and give full refund if you change your mind in the first 30 days uh with no hidden fees it's no wonder why they made Forbes best life insurance list in 2021 game look at that uh you're not getting any younger uh the older you get the more life insurance costs so stop procrastinating take care of it now now here's a turkey you go to ladderlife.com garbage today to see if you're instantly approved that's ladder l-a-d-d-e-r life.com garbage one more time again get a pen get a pencil ladder life l-a-d-d-e-r life.com garbage ladderlife.com garbage do it gang do it but you know the the very the first time there's no exact the first time I met Joey Diaz was in Columbus Ohio uh I went with Rogan to do gigs and he was like Joey's coming in and Joey shows up at the hotel and we're like what's up he's like dog I almost got arrested and we're like What okay he's on a flight and it's coming from LA to Columbus and the guy in front of him had lean back during Meal Time first that's crazy and Joey pushed it forward and so the guy did it again and Joey pushed it before he was like my meal is coming on my lap you know and so the guy the guy doesn't move forward Joey stands up and goes over to talk to the guy and when the guy tries to like move he pushed him down he goes you don't want to do that and he goes when I when we landed because we landed in at the airport in Columbus on the Jet Bridge was Columbus PD and they were like Jesus and they go he goes I knew I was in trouble because they said are you Jose Diaz he only call me my mother and the cops call me you know everybody calls me Joey and they were like what'd you do he goes I just told him [ __ ] God told him the guy put my [ __ ] veal parmesan's gonna be on my lap and they were like okay and they're just kind of like anybody can talk themselves out of trouble it's Joey I'm with Uncle Joey on that one yeah there's got to be a slight sense of decorum okay but you said that you had that you give I give I look I do I'm not consider for the old guy with the name the guy that was like I think I broke but the most of the time yeah if it's meals I'll do one of these like okay all right but most the time it's like we take off it's like first of all they do this for a reason like they do it so that you can sure just like you in front of me you get to do it too like I don't know I don't feel like I shouldn't do it like upfront's obviously different in coach it's you're it's brutal you're you're just [ __ ] jamming yeah yeah that's brutal fly back and forth with Hawaii back there it's [ __ ] tight that's tight you do that yeah back and forth from Hawaii coach coach I don't know why [ __ ] dude I'm huge the only thing I have going for me is if there's an empty seat anywhere on the plane I'm with my girl they'll come over they come get them they know I mean yeah she's [ __ ] smooshed up against me how much is that how much is that uh round trip uh like five six seven dicey is it really yeah first class yeah and then Coach is like eighty four dollars dude the first time he flew out there I got nine layovers yeah the first time I flew out there it was like taco Minneapolis back to college and it was brutal that's brutal ah I was dying yeah I was dying all right we'll give you that um will you bring anything on the plane with you any food will you like get a burger Shake Shack no on the plane no I think criminals because of the smells man and then some people these [ __ ] non-americans they bring the [ __ ] they made at home and it's like get with the program you know make a [ __ ] Caesar salad or something but don't don't bring this Muk luck [ __ ] that you [ __ ] make back in the old country on the flight the whole [ __ ] thing stinks if you got Tupperware with a whole bronzino in there yeah I think they should take away your citizenship if you bring some stuff no there's not in that Range Rover just yet there's some really foul [ __ ] on planes oh and honestly honestly it all of it whenever when you get in this confined space the air is just like circulating stuff it doesn't matter if it's a burger if it's a chicken or anything hot or warm you shouldn't do some people bring [ __ ] eggs people from home they bring their hard-boiled eggs I'm so against hard-boiled eggs in public it's insane it's I'm so against on a plane I was sitting at the gate and um I was I watched somebody go like right they were just like and then I go and it was a lady who had her Tupperware and she was just like scooping [ __ ] out with her hands you know and I don't even know what it was but it was stinking up the entire area this is at the gate you know all right he's a gentleman uh I got one for you this has been a hot button hot button issue right you're gonna say yeah you're it's a normal shower right it's like a bathtub shower head okay how do you enter that shower dander from the back or do you get in the under the like right under the spout we're not talking about a glass one yeah like a normal tub shower normally I would get a hotel you know at a hotel all right I'm trying to be very accurate here hit me with it so turn the shower on I would stick hand right test and then I would step into the shower into the tub away away and gradually go walk in walk in enter it like a gentleman yeah I would enter that way you go right under the raw dogs right in this guy stinks yeah yeah yeah man I get in there also his the head of his shower is the toilet's right there so he crams in this side and he's like my girlfriend yells at the floors always so once I'm like no [ __ ] once you know the temperature is good you're just like in yeah I'm in baby I don't want to put her back in there I'm insulted you asked me this kind of thing yeah I want to get I want to get in here and go wet especially if it's chilly yeah if it's if it's in the winter time I don't want to be tiptoeing in there I want to get in there and get it over with nothing this is bullshitting okay uh ever play acoustic guitar man big man have you ever played acoustic guitar at a party no no now I'm insulted this is [ __ ] [ __ ] I thought there was a little bit of respect zap we have to follow a series I think I stepped on one I don't think I've ever played one that's great uh do you prefer uh obviously you're running a tight ship health-wise do you prefer Domino's or Pizza Hut at the time when you were dominoes because I love the thing I love Domino's thin crust it's like my favorite I mean even to this day like obviously there's better made and better quality stuff but if you just like floated it if you were like hey do you want a Domino's pepperoni thing I'd be like yeah yeah and then like a minute later like oh there's a there's the top knot I'd be like no no get the dominoes it's good yeah so Domino's over Pizza Hut for me yes all right now we're starting to make some [ __ ] senses would you do that a lot would you when you were on the road right because you came up you know through the like the feature of the car yeah on the road would you do that or would you eat at the club or were you were you ordering a lot of food or you do like microwaving the burritos and [ __ ] you're crushing it in a hotel room because you were a bigger dude I look back Pig looking at you with those pictures I [ __ ] I mean here's my what you look like me now my schedule was like I I would get to that club we're doing two shows let's say or first I guess first night's one show I would um as soon as I got off stage I would order you know hey do you have can I get the the mozzarella sticks you're getting it to go from the club no no I'm eating it there between you okay all right mozzarella sticks then I get like maybe the burger cheeseburger fries um maybe the second show I'd be like can I get that uh Sunday you know and then we would have a couple drinks and if somebody had weed you smoke weed and then you're out you know just bullshitting then you get back late and then I'll be like oh or before we go back to the condo can we do a drive-through hit the drive through then I would sleep till like noon or one and my thing is I always wanted always always always breakfast food right of course I have to do it so I was like where can we get and sometimes it's like some of these towns here like oh they're done like there's got to be brutal and then you find a place and I would that I would that's where I would do the probably the worst damage yeah because it would be like damn you know the hash browns with the eggs on top bacon and then I'd be like let's get second breakfast you know like yeah yeah a bacon egg and cheese Chaser yeah yeah yeah and it was like that whatever four days in a row yeah yeah in the hotel would you ever use the ironing board as a as a TV tray for as a desk yeah I put all I put like things that I brought you know what I mean like here's a he's like that picture of the family yeah there's a picture of the family there's a Bluetooth speaker yeah there's all there's like [ __ ] there's like a camera that I never use one of those things with the balls that swings back and forth and I would also use not to iron clothes but to like leave clothes like I might wear this later I'll put this short on it pants hang off of it wallet yeah all that [ __ ] is like is on the ironing board okay yeah have you ever put your clothes in like the the drawers recently recently what do you think so towels though yeah and also like you just like it actually helps me or I don't do it on every trip but like I I like being organized more like it's easier to see you're not just digging through the back yeah yeah yeah I like that I'm not sure if we ask you this what's the what is the luggage situation what's the luggage situation yeah like what do you what what brand do you use what are you rocking around with that's cool like designer bags that all match no but I have like to me I've been on for more than a decade okay here's the thing this is the real truth of somebody that's been touring for a long time you you will not get and they're not a sponsor you will not get have a better company to work with in that in that line than to me because they make yeah they make cool stuff they make good bags they give lifetime warranties I've gone with I've had too many backpacks rollers full size I've had [ __ ] go you know wheel pop off the handle thing you literally walk into uh they verify that it's like they have like [ __ ] VIN numbers on them damn they verify and then they're like they've gone like take one of these no [ __ ] they either fix it there or they're like we'll just give you a bag so like yes it is expensive like they're shit's expensive but it's worth it I could not I could not endorse them more okay yeah all right to me is the [ __ ] that's classy but that's not over the top no you know what I mean I like it though yeah they're good will you dance at a wedding uh yeah a lit but like I'm not like I want to dance the whole night you know like you're out there if like Christina once a day yeah like this I like this song or if like especially if I'm you know what pops yeah what is your go-to drink because obvious you know obviously everybody knows what bird but you're you're you're not as big of a drinker obvious I mean it goes without saying come on I'm sorry um all right so I I I did a lot of gin and tonics like like that's crazy yeah I like that I like Anejo on Ice you know like the tequila and yeah okay sure um I'll do like a nice vodka uh also just straight up on Ice um bam and then I like bourbon yeah I don't like I like Bourbons okay okay yeah so those are kind of like my channel yeah man you like gin and tonics ah I I you don't see him a lot yeah they're bigger in Europe yeah sure um do you like wine he's he claims to know I love it dude but no we no we were we went to Indy 500 I was [ __ ] and we went out to dinner and he's like I'm telling him this he's like I'm gonna order for the tape right anyway he's doing him he's [ __ ] Johnny we all got steaks yeah he's got a nice bottle of red for us okay A little body to it there you go no yeah he ordered the wrong thing he ordered a bottle of white there was Cabernet in the name I think it was the Cabernet is it okay all right it wasn't a cab solving yawn it was a cab with Sutter Home what are you talking about that [ __ ] waiter was a method he I think we're gonna do another one actually I think we're gonna do another one so in spite of them I [ __ ] house the whole bottle and then ordered a bottle of red that's what's up man you showed them I threw up halfway through the meal of course still uh wait before we continue I gotta piss again of course we're chilling yeah I know you did I know what you were doing yeah it was something I never really recognized for everybody I have I have a I have a general knowledge yeah from from working in the service service industry all right I know that the Pinot noirs are going to be lighter the cabernets are going to be heavier yeah uh I know a nice smell back I know a nice San Diego a nice Monty I like a nice sauvignon blanc I know Pinot is going to be a little sweeter chardonnays are going to be a little buddier maybe buddy buttery maybe a little Oaky depending on where it's from I know you know all that are you with that well versed I mean I have a I would say a a general knowledge of like certain things that I like and sure wines that pair up well with a certain sure foods but I'm definitely not you know well versed or anything like that I've also you know sometimes you have wine that you're like damn that was [ __ ] good and I'll snap pictures and try to mentally remember sure just like some of them so that if I see it again I'll be like oh that was amazing yeah would you be usually ordering the wine at the table would you be handling it I will do it with um let's say like yeah with a lot of people and then I've I I'm friends with some people that are real sharp real sharp with wines so of course I'm like you yeah you take over run and Gun yeah okay all right so you dance a little bit at a wedding I will a little bit Yeah but I'm not doing any of the coordinated like hey you're not doing the Macarena the Electric Slide no no no no no okay can you do them uh I mean Macarena is pretty simple okay yeah I mean I just I could but I'm I'm not I'm not really that guy you're not into it no how would you rate your dancing can you hang are you gonna are other people gonna be snickering or you're gonna hold your own I think I can hold my own could you do the worm when you were a kid I got the dance video you could do the worm no okay um going back to the cars for a minute what kind of air freshener you you banging in those things you're not throwing a pine tree black ice nothing Tom who's insulting now yeah what's on the rear view mirror of your Bugatti you play the harmonica oh Jesus uh although I love getting a car detailed just and I've had and then sometimes I remember that they've asked before and I always they go you want something Cherry I always go new cart because there's a new cars new cars I go new car smell okay it's the best yeah okay this is bird dogs baby shout out to the BDS welcome to the party boys I'll tell you that right now gang we all know you love your old pair of shorts but listen it's time to upgrade a little bit and there's no better way to do that with bird dogs you got the best shorts you'll ever put on they stretch khakis design with a slim fit through the thigh through the leg a sculpted look that's what I need I need a sculpted look I need Michelangelo sculpting this out and bird dogs delivers uh-huh uh they're basically the same as the widely popular popular Lululemon shorts except they fit so much better while other sport why other shorts are made of stiff restrictive fat I gotta be on the move I got people after I gotta be able to stick and move yeah that's why bird dogs they use the cloud knit fabric high kicks feels like your balls in her cumulus cloud if you know what I mean walking around like a Rockette uh it looks just like khaki and keeps the stretch and allows for a ton of movement and flexibility their Cloud knit is even anti-stink and sweat wicking so you can stay cool and dry all day finally a little anti-stink okay but they sent us a whole box of stuff I've been walking around in my little booties shorts my wife all of a sudden uh go to birddogs.com garbage use the promo code garbage at checkout for free Yeti style tumbler with your order which they also said I was having a little [ __ ] vodka tonic in there uh that's birddogs.com garbage use the code use the promo code garbage for a free Yeti style tumbler you won't want to take your bird dogs off we promise um if somebody has a booger or bad breath will you tell them will you let them know I'm much more inclined to tell them the booger um even though the bad breath is more bothersome right I've done where's your line of people like if one of us had it well there was a friend would you say something booger I would tell anybody okay I'd be like hey man you got oh you got something you know like you get attention breath like you you just try to avoid for like I do a lot of avoidance right like uh yeah and I'll you know yeah man you know you start like covering up turning away so the the line is that like obviously someone's super close to you you can just tell them of course there's like a step removed from that where you go like um do you want some gum you know like you want a mint and then there's like somebody more removed from that who you kind of go like I I'll be like this is when they go I don't want it I go this is [ __ ] good like go try this I swear to God they're like it's spearmint I've had it and I'm like this is a new one there's a new one I don't think you ever have that yeah be honest with you sir um and would you appreciate that if somebody told you that how would you handle all those things yeah I appreciate sure all of them any of those things I I like somebody telling me that doesn't look good on you uh you're something on your face you need to brush your like all that [ __ ] does not it doesn't offend me I I wish it was uh happening more good good that was good uh do you own binoculars I actually have two monoculars what the [ __ ] is that single so that's ultimate creep level dude yeah yeah I can look at two different girls at the same time yeah well like a revolutionary general what do you mean this is like I guess they it's probably used more for like hunting yes I know I know what you mean yeah but I was in an outdoor store and then uh I saw and I was like that looks cool and they were like would you like monocular and I was like dude yeah tape them together yeah I've used them once okay I think the day that I got them I used them and then yeah do you have a telescope no oh we bought one the [ __ ] I think I made a post about it I bought one for my son for my six or seven-year-old okay um and like I was out there I couldn't see [ __ ] with it and I kept I was what the [ __ ] is going on and then I like I wait at night I'm like oh It's gotta be dark you know I still can't see anything but it's like the real cheap yeah yeah there's I had a crappy one during the pandemic really that took me full moon took me [ __ ] three hours the uh so I was thinking I was looking for like a star and everyone was like that's Advanced yeah yeah find the biggest yeah and then I was like I can't find that so I'm probably done with this yeah try broke this house next door see what's going on yeah they're fun though do you still have a DVD collection not that I mean it's I think it's probably somewhere in the house but nothing that I'm aware of yeah like displaying it no let me check out Dumb and Dumber or whatever no okay but we definitely have some somewhere okay fair enough yeah do you know anybody on a mural do I know anybody you know anybody on a mural and personally do you know anybody that has a mural well I mean like I'm just gonna answer this question not like we have a mural at our office yeah we saw them painting Chris painted it no that doesn't count right right so I'm trying to decide zany's and now I'm thinking everybody's on the side of that are you ones yeah national bird is okay yeah that's weird like at my parents place they have like like my dad has a painting of himself really yeah and I think there's one yeah there's one on my mom there too that they that's old school yeah it's pretty old school yeah and it's them in like their 60s sure you know like yeah that's good Frost or whatever yeah yeah right are you a family paint that's pretty standard to the left a little bit okay that ain't bad do you sanitary I got sorry I got one done uh like this neocubist one done of uh I don't even know what that is of Christina from this uh guys the Spanish painter yeah oh it's like a PR that's pretty cool that was a cool like because I like his stuff his name was Berlin and I commissioned uh him to do that that's what we're talking about yeah that's all right I just bought a bunch of his stuff really yeah I bought like 12 of his pain where are you putting those it's class um so a bunch of them are going in that garage oh there's an office and then I um I've been buying more artwork this Summer that someone's going to the house have you yeah you've been buying a little art a little art yeah look at you all right but I I love walking into a home an office a hotel that has like that has art I just like you know I go to Art Museums if I'm on the road and I have oh do you yeah I haven't done it on this trip but I would have if I didn't have full days you ever see that one where you got to stare at it for a long time and then the space shuttle appears yeah whatever you're talking about exactly and you're like that's a [ __ ] dolphin I can't see it yeah damn he's purchasing art uh I assume you have somebody helping you with that right like a broker or whatever honestly like no you're just handling it all yourself I've done it all myself I mean I've had like so I've gone into galleries have you and bought it like that really the thing is though they you're a Mark when you do that the moment you do that they try to sell you more they follow up with you sure I mean I had my neighbor had this Gallery guy that he bought from and then referred me to him this dude was like he sends me like all these images like do you want these and I was like yeah I like this not that he's like all right how about these six things for like you know all the you know like no and then he goes what if it was like 30 grand less you're like what the [ __ ] you're just like just [ __ ] just by being like I'm not sure and then you know so you that that part feels doing clearance deals with you Gary yeah okay I mean I'm not like very well versed or but I do enjoy it I do like it that's what I was looking for and that's pretty good yeah the family having one is real classy though yeah that's real nice will you say goodbye to places when you leave like go buy a house the boys do that my boys do that so does mine yeah yeah and like my uh my wife will will make like she'll be like uh you know say goodbye and they go bye there you go yeah yeah they do that like like it's like say yeah they're they're how old again they're now four and seven so not they're not 47 years old okay what do you do like okay so say say we stay at a hotel and we had a nice time thank you Hotel I guess we're leaving the room buy hotels or like we'll be backing out of an Airbnb he's like buy Airbnb and I just have to act like that's normal that's adorable yeah it's very cute damn super cute are you currently any B in any beefs with any neighbors uh no okay okay you ever put a napkin on your shirt when you're eating talk a little tuck in I mean I've I can't say I've never done that it's not a regular but I've done it I've done it like more like oh [ __ ] there's a second show right like that you don't want to like and you're wearing a light color and yeah we use a lobster bib if you get Lobster yeah you will I will yeah okay because a lot of times the places first of all they a lot of times they'll initiate I'm not gonna stop someone unless for a reason they're doing this they've seen this a thousand times yeah I don't usually go can I get the bib but if if they come over but sir you're having the chicken yeah yeah yeah yeah it does kind of feel nice though it does you look getting a haircut yeah like you look goofy as [ __ ] like you see a photo or something but in the moment you're like yeah make it tighter yeah we're going in let's have a good time all right okay uh when was the last time you're at a Hibachi restaurant um and what's your overall feeling on hibachi with slicing and Dyson and the communal table flipping shrimp in your face hitting on your girlfriend it's I mean it's a fun time I haven't done it in a while I feel like I feel like I would be I should say like some something in like the LA 12 18 months something like that oh really I think so I mean you know it could be two years sure it's it's definitely happened um yeah it's really like when the other people are you're like I don't want to [ __ ] eat with this guy that's the turn off I've had fun with like when we're done of course that's fun yeah some you know the guy being fun yeah you know my one of my most memorable ones was my older sister she enlisted in the Navy at 34 which is the cutoff age Whoa and she went to The Language Institute in Monterey California and she signed up for Mandarin right okay Chinese and it's intense it's like eight hours a day Jesus and then after she was in this program for a while we went to one of those places The Hibachi places and you know they'll just they'll hire a Puerto Rican they don't give a [ __ ] they're just like yeah you're just not white you can do it so this guy's [ __ ] chopping it up and she just looks at him and she was like me how and right and he was like and this guy he froze right and he thought maybe she knows does she know where and she just starts speaking Mandarin this guy I'm not kidding you he has this thing and he goes and then he speaks broken English and he stops the whole thing there's other people at the table he's like do you know how hard it is to speak Mandarin and and I'm like I guess so and he could not believe he couldn't believe that a white lady was speaking Mandarin to him he had trouble like moving on really oh yeah [ __ ] he couldn't slightly he couldn't hold the egg and he was just like gotta make the volcano for to save his life it was a mess he was just like he'd seen a ghost okay it's pretty sharp pretty can you whistle with your fingers no can can't can't do it but your dad no that was a dad thing that was a dad thing and I always thought that was [ __ ] badass I wish or also even the the forceful like where you're like Jesus how do you generate that sound three football fields away that's it it's just incredible this thing like with yeah I always I wanted to do it yeah never could if you've ever washed your shoes in a washing machine or a dishwasher uh no okay um I feel like I've definitely had a pair that I've been like [ __ ] you know muddied up and I'm trying to remember if somebody else like someone they come out odd they don't hold they're not dishwasher do you know someone's done in a dish that's like a that's a that's like a hack people do it really do my cleats and do your hats in there and stuff like really I've never [ __ ] heard of this ever yeah yeah no it's a thing they even make like racks for your hats that you can put in so it'll like hold the form keep the Beak from bending and you put it in there [ __ ] I think if you think if you don't like wash it with your pots and pans it's just a you know a high pressure washer I guess okay yeah yeah you've never done it it's trashy would you ever wear a pair of sneakers out of the store go in and get a pair of sneakers and wear them out yeah yeah just what do you do with the old pair throw them out no I put them in the put them in the box yeah definitely he's giving them to the guy to throw out really down to the filter baby it goes just throw these out I'm like he said that's bad form that's an insane move why how is that dude they're throwing stuff out you just you just give something he's like you take care of this yeah I give them the box I say my old ones in there you can throw them out you can't keep them if you want you can sell them yeah they still got some bouncing on this yeah all right they got a little kick to them what's your what's your go-to do you have a go-to sneaker uh I've been I've been I've been really rocking Adidas's lately yeah I guess I'm on right now yeah I've been rocking Adidas they're very comfortable yeah I like these and I like to slide in I like I like a no fuss yeah I'm not [ __ ] with the laces we've been jammed up at TSA yeah yeah that was one of the main reasons why I got TSA pre-check I don't take my shoes off anymore yeah I'm [ __ ] walking around like I got clogs on because I can't get my feet in there it's so funny to be like I want to get sneakers and I don't want any fuss because sneaks give you so much fun yeah yeah a lot very comfy that that um what's it memory foam or Comfort foam whatever they got and you you have a go-to I mean I've uh I tend to be a Nike man yeah yeah I got into dunks recently like the high top dunks and stuff their skateboarding line SBS so comfortable right I rock those they're just so comfortable that's one thing I did get into shoes I'm just like I've been ordering a lot of [ __ ] it's a phase yeah like when you start to be able to like you're like oh I can just cause shoes and haircuts for me were a thing that I could never afford really well they always just got pushed off I was like I have going out drinking or the bills or whatever it's like haircuts wait another week shoes can wait another yes yeah yeah so now I'm like I want to get a haircut every week and I'm fine nice dude I like it look at guys living large and a Lincoln if they play ball it's gonna be a rainbow it's Range Rover yeah yeah what are your cosine terms huh how do you pronounce uh the product that Crayola makes oh crayon that's right yeah you don't do we had we had this discussion oh we no no no no we've had it that people say Crown I'm a crown man and then it's a crayon it's Crayola crayon I didn't even that sounds I was 43 when I found out that somebody says Crown yeah I was like the [ __ ] are you talking about is that a Philly thing I think it's a I think it's a Mid-Atlantic Dirtbag thing yeah yeah Crown Crown I'm like I don't uh what are you talking about I remember my dad saying I think it's both your crowns get the crowns and draw yeah he's not the sharpest I mean I think it's a both your parents work and you were home alone for sure it sounds it literally sounds made up to me it's like somebody's saying like how do you say water and you're like we say whoosh yeah what the [ __ ] are you talking about like you can't get there with the letters yeah it doesn't make it doesn't make sense to me usually if you say it like that they were broken in half you were using them you were just like the rapper was off too yeah uh any magazines in the bathroom at the house and you subscribe to anyone does the household subscribe to any magazine car magazine I'll say this I love magazines okay and I was a magazines are were in every single um home and an apartment and bathroom that I've ever lived in and I did subscribe for years and years and years I feel like that only trailed off in the last maybe five to somewhere in the last decade it's like it's but I still if I walk by a magazine stand I'll sometimes buy six seven magazines car magazines or whatever I'll buy some car magazines I might buy like a travel magazine a news one yeah I'll just I love magazines yeah but I just I don't subscribe anymore and I love having them laying around my mom my mom is Southern Living and they're nice to leave through every once in a while yeah sure architecture stuff yeah my wife does architecture as digest yeah A.D you throw them out yeah yeah he's not gonna read them what are we talking about here did you ever go where is that A.D he did she came home yesterday and actually asked where's the winner issue yeah yeah I was like I don't think they delivered the mail's been [ __ ] up you've been gone in the bathroom at the house now any uh do you use an air freshener in there do you have a little something or would you are you matching you got black ice in there what are you doing we got uh usually like no there's usually nothing in there um you're not a match person that was the one I want to get to I like I I love it too but we don't like here's the thing I'm I'm thinking of like I'm thinking of the last 15 years it's definitely been matches and a lot of them in my current bathroom so the bathroom that I have in at home there's a there's like the main the bathroom you walk into and then the toilet is in a another room another room like a classy hotel and then and so like that's not like set up for anything else in there gotcha it also is a it's a Toto toilet Toto very nice so when you walk in the lid opens and it says like hello like give me your Kaka you [ __ ] my mouth and you [ __ ] in its mouth and then it has the button so you like it auto flushes if you move and then it has the spray built into it so you clean yourself right away and you feel like an animal when you're not there you know because that thing I just sit for like a whole cycle or two just like and then when I check with paper it's just wet paper there's nothing there all the kaka's gone it's amazing that's the best this guy runs a tight ship yeah it's all right any uh pooka necklaces in your history no what never I'm sure I thought that if you're asking me was there an age where I thought a shark tooth was cool the answer is absolutely yes but did I have any poker necklaces or anything no any Dave Matthews tickets in your in your past no I've never been to a Dave show never been a Pearl Jam Pearl Jam's all right yeah yeah was there any any questionable jewelry in the early days some later days too yeah I had a pandemic purchase that uh is kind of funny to me it was like this necklace that was uh it's like like black you know I mean like black um metal yeah like black metal like just like like a relief pitcher like I have something that like a cool black guy would wear and I was like I was like that looks cool and I was rocking that [ __ ] for a while and then people were like that's about yeah that's cool you know I've got a couple of those and I was like uh yeah I probably shouldn't any um any rings at any point thumb ring never never no this is obvious this is a wedding a wedding but it's also an aura ring okay so it like does like heart rate sleep all that stuff those things are nice um a lot of watch purchases sure a lot of watches but I don't like I don't have anything I go I'll regret buying that um the uh yeah I feel like that pandemic purchase uh necklace was like the time I bought a vest and thought it was cool what one was this that was years ago but I was like I was like I think I was in high school high school yeah yeah and I put it on and then people were like whoa dude yeah not like uh not like Marty McFly like outdoor vest like you mean like uh yeah but like with a T-shirt and like a like like yeah like like Ferris Bueller or something you know but like it was like a magician like a magician like a tuxedo best yeah and I had it it was for is this your card and here's the thing it was expensive it wasn't cheap I think I like asked my mom and I was like please it was terrible it was bad yeah it's definitely a boat it's a strike uh any fake Sports covers as a kid for baseball or whatever is you have like you know All-Stars or anything like that or something would your parents spring for them no no I didn't have any of those but I know exactly what you're talking is there any trophies in your home at the moment is there any trophies no no okay everywhere pins everywhere you go through a pin phase where you wear pins I've been given a lot of pins people give me pins like crazy I think I've pinned I put like a pin on a jacket or something a couple times okay not not like hey man I gotta get my pins together you know like check out my pins dude yeah yeah I had a cool smiley face Dom pin uh somebody gave me once okay um yeah like a dominatrix oh okay where it was like she was holding the the paddle sure I had it on a jacket I was just like when was how old were you 42. it's just not that long ago I thought you had it on the vest no because they gave me a bunch of them and so I had a jacket on I put one on I don't know it wasn't like any Patches at any point never I was not I was not patch guy well you are a best guy so I don't know where the lines are that was a one-off I regret telling you what about a lifeguard hoodie you ever wear one of those red ones that just say lifeguard come on now we got it so ridiculous I don't think I had a life damn it's so good though um when you're putting on a shirt when do you put deodorant on before the shirt or after the show this is an excellent question thanks for coming to the show Tom so what I've found that's crazy that would take this long to figure out is that a lot of times you know I'm I think I'm right there with okay so I've I've you leave well you dry off getting dressed all right pants are on not the socks yet and they're not animals and you go deodorant but you're because you're exposed sure deodorant and then a lot of times when the T-shirt comes on you get tea you get deodorant on your T-shirt and you're like [ __ ] especially a black T-shirt I mean so the the the way to prevent that is to put the shirt on but then you gotta like you gotta make the room stop that you don't get deodorant all over the inside so yeah I've here's the thing it's I'm 44 and I'm still challenged by this like I still haven't cracked the code yeah I'm still like oh there's [ __ ] deodorant everywhere yes yeah okay and if you put deodorant on here's another thing if you put deodorant on and your shirt's off and then you go oh I'm just gonna put my shoes on first like you just do that your armpit will like then it gets everywhere it gets everywhere yeah yeah okay fully you're not you're not with us when does it go on ah right before the socks right before the socks yeah wait shirt's on no never shirt on it goes underwear socks deodorant hit it with the deodorant no he's a Mitchell man my divorce cop I feel like I thought you'd definitely be a spray guy I was as a kid that [ __ ] stinks that was like bear spray dude that would get you yeah no I'm gonna I'm a no antiperspirant deodorant guy okay just deodorant just deodorant okay yeah what are you banging with uh I have Old Spice and Dove I'm a dove man too yeah Dove's nice it's like the the powder not the powder but it's like the white yeah and oh my God people will be like what's your cologne it's like that's great yeah stop me like what are you wearing I'm wearing deodorant I'm like oh jeez nice huh okay all right man huh have you ever owned a switchblade or a butterfly knife yes um well I definitely it was a butterfly knife yeah did you try to tricks with it of course slice yourself I've cut myself I've got myself okay that's one of it do you uh clip your nails or do you bite them this is a really emotional question for me good so I started biting my nails my fingernails and cuticles when I was probably six cuticles yeah you're already on cuticles at six times yeah and then I would you be that kid yeah so like you'd be able to see like that the big no well it was like there you'd see my mom didn't let those kids sleep over no it was it was bad here's the thing you know what um when I stopped really biting my is is this is the only thing that ever worked I did things like I did hypnosis really I did um they sell this um you know nail polish yeah that tastes real that tastes best so we have a reminder I was like well I mean not just kid like 20s 30s like no kidding so then when I was uh when I got when I broke my body uh playing basketball this arm was broken and I couldn't pull my hand in my mouth so this hand grew in because it was like weeks months of like not being able to move and then I had nerve damage so I couldn't like manipulate them so then I had like a fully grown out left hand of like and then this one was like all mangled and then I was just like that's you can't go you can't do that uh-huh so it was like being forced to visit and you also could visibly see it so this was like and then and you go like this is actually nice and it feels good and I'm not like hiding them um I say this as I have a Band-Aid on this side but but like you could see that like I have like grown they're nice yeah and like uh so you're clipping them now yeah I clipped them and it's it's like strange to me because you know what happens you go I'm so used to not having nails and biting and chewing them that I go oh should I let them if I clip them then they'll be gone like I don't don't you you know I mean like it's straight it's strange to me because I'm so used to not having nails that I feel like if I clip them it's like akin to biting them you know yeah because they're like then you lose yeah here's the thing though you had it you were doing it but then you recognized it and you rectified it that's pretty classy well thanks it was bam it was only because my arm broke yeah but it does I'll tell you this it feels so much better to like to not be like I would look down and be like oh I would hide my hands will you do a manicure 100 you will yeah I mean I I don't regularly get them but if I'm in a place that like that does and I can I can make that happen I've done it it feels amazing you do a petty get a petty get your feet done I haven't and I only heard that it's the best they're awesome yeah yeah so you're clipping your own toenails yeah okay yeah all right it's pretty classy man were you ever are you currently a fan of the TV show Deadliest Catch I've seen it I wasn't like a did it never caught you it doesn't really catch me now okay any gardening going on at the house gardening gardening that I'm involved in no but there is some well there's gardening done but I don't do it it's not a guy I'm talking no no I know that but I'm talking are you guys growing any vegetables or anything like that yeah yeah you got a guy growing the vegetables no no like uh there's the gardening people do like the the big stuff like flowers and Landscapes the kids and my wife have planted stuff okay yeah tomatoes and all this stuff yeah so you're not so it's not just the landscaper coming in and cutting the grass you got some things being done some things being brought in yeah yeah that's a whole don't look at me like that that's a whole other level of landscaping no it's not having a guy cut the grass is one thing if you're getting the mulch done and bring it in you don't think he's got a [ __ ] red maple trees and all that kind of stuff you're rotating that stuff around uh I don't know I really don't know do you have any bushes that are like trimmed to look like you know of course the one is it says Sledgehammer it's like the whole thing yeah it's a problem yeah like 50 Grand it's a write-off Whoa man all right I mean good I got a couple I think here uh the last 365 days have you taken a shower and then put the same pair of underwear back on you had before the shower I don't think so man okay where's this get me me either I was lying about that deodorant thing where's the towel go when you're done when you're done in the shower at the house you're done you're done shower boom where are you putting the towel when you're done with it on a rack somewhere like you know behind the bathroom door well there's there's multiple Hooks and racks okay find one and leave it there what's the usage time how many how many uh showers will you get out of one towel um you don't even know the uh just because there's an abundance of towels yeah there's like a goddamn [ __ ] man yeah there's a lot of times Equinox in there I know yeah there's there's a lot of towels jeez yeah um I assume they're doing all right I assume they're all matching right they're all the same power yes not like a Mickey Mouse one thrown in there somewhere like a worn out one I always loved that one uh all the silverware matches in the drawers in the kitchen right yeah I think well there might be like two sets or something okay you know yeah okay you have a china cabinet like with like like dinner like uh formal dinnerware so I think there's a there is a there's a version of that there's like a a cabinet that is like not exposed I think it's hidden that has like Formal Wear really yeah very nice that's great [ __ ] bulletproof um all right I want to pick one of the three TGI Fridays Applebee's or Olive Garden Applebee's solid choice solid Choice any baking soda in the fridge at the house no not currently but I've had I mean I've had that before for sure you keep batteries in the in the fridge no but I've also done that before uh-huh what I'm answering these as like shortly right now but I have done that before you ever call into DJ Delilah what no you know DJ that was a deep cut he pulled the people now I've never heard of it DJ Delilah you know she does like the breakup on the radio is that like psychic kind of stuff it's not as clear oh okay um yeah she does she does like like an overnight show where you can call in hey this guy broke my heart or I want to send the song out the no that's amazing Drew okay I mean I [ __ ] yeah I mean you know how to operate a forklift [Laughter] you know it's crazy if you have Christina here yeah what do you mean you got it you gotta have her you gotta ask her that is her dad had a forklift operation he built and repaired and uh restored and sold Fork like she knows so much about it but she took her driving test on it exactly like she's gonna hit so many high marks on this I can't wait she really knows she'll look why she says that the zx24 yeah I'm like huh damn all right you know how you get a lot you get things now if you get like pretzels or something like that now they have the resealable bags will you tear that or cut that it comes with the ease of opening it some of them are very frustrating yeah I get I get very upset I could just see you struggling and then I cut I cut it menacingly and I try to teach it a lesson but like when it's there easily it's it's nice very nice yes damn now if you get takeout will you if you get food delivered or whatever to the house will you plate the food or eat it out of the container it's in again this is a question I mean I have done both sure like I feel a lot better if it's like sometimes you get like a nice meal delivered sure it's nice to remove it and put it on the plate especially if you're gonna have like a knife involved yes right but of course like you just you know whatever the sandwich I'm like yeah I just want to like wolf that yeah okay do you like ladyfingers the cookie lady fingers is that like a butter that's like a butter cookie yeah it's like what would they make tiramisu out of I would say yes how many bathing suits do you have more than one yes yes I got what do you wear jeans like a Mexican sometimes if the water's cold yeah uh when you guys are done with the sponge at the sink will you put it underneath the sink or throw it out you have a little collection of old sponges under your sink that's a constant like rotating thing you're collecting them patties my mom's got like four or five that are used so once it's done being used for the dishes then it's used to scrub something oh I got it rock down to the washing room where the laundry is and I don't know what she does with it man yeah I mean I look the I'll be honest I don't do a lot of sync work uh not doing wet work anymore but I I I've seen like we've had them I've seen I've seen piles by the sink I have seen them below I went the other day to use the grill and um that's what I always do was like like trying to find and I found some like you know the metal yeah steel wool yeah the steel wool so I cleaned the grill with that um and then it's like it's a disaster you have to toss that um but I also am a big fan of top like something's I run its course really yeah what if it's like a real expensive one like a Scrub Daddy or something like that then it stays but like you Christina by the way is like a real like lunatic about uh she tosses food so fast really that's classy yeah but hers is because she has a fear of getting food poisoning like a real real fear so I'm kind of with it on that I'll be like where's the [ __ ] where's lunch yeah where's the chicken and she's like I toss it like you tossed it made it last night it's [ __ ] good she's like yeah we don't roll the dice with that the Foley that goes that goes right away right away yeah all right uh [ __ ] I mean he's got us again [ __ ] dead that right to this guy I got nothing I mean there was keep the box of things if after you buy something will you keep the box for a while I got I got better at it so now I dispose but I was bad for a while I was I was a I was basically I was it was a Christina thing where she was like so I put all the flashes they don't need full TV box here yeah and I and I so now I get it I but I'm always feel like I don't have the box there's something in there that I'm gonna need it's like this so I just take everything out do I have the cables and now I dispose of um but I was a bad box collector for a long time what about an egg with two yolks will you eat it give me something will you yeah I paid for this there you go that and the vest I think we got them yeah I think you got it God damn it pretty he's classy Tom Segura yeah what's that yes class that's that's he's got a Lincoln on his hand yeah he just hands it to you okay give him this God damn it Tom Segura second time in a row all class number one it is unbelievable thank you brother it's uh look what you guys have built is awesome I'm a huge huge fan thank you I hope you just [ __ ] ride this wave you guys have built it's a it's such a fun show to watch to be on I'm really happy for you guys success so I hope you just keep thank you very much congratulations thank you so much for coming in anything else you want to folks out there to know other than check out Sledgehammer sledgehammer and uh go to tomskirt.com for uh upcoming shows that's it yeah yeah KP what do you got for uh re garbage.com all of our live shows they're selling out we're adding some dates get the tickets it's a good time game we love you we're gonna get you one of these days we're gonna get I'll come back anytime gang we love you we'll see you next week

Channel: AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast

Views: 558,162

Keywords: Are You Garbage Tom Segura, Comedy Podcast, AYG Comedy Podcast, AYG Podcast, Tom Segura Pat McAfee, Tom Segura This Past Weekend, Tom Segura Basketball, Tom Segura Joe Rogan, Tom Segura Podcast Guest, Tom Segura Podcast Funny Moments, Tom Segura Podcast Clips

Id: FugPOZkkrZs

Length: 76min 32sec (4592 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 09 2023