Are All Narcissists Good Liars?

all right now on this one we're going to talk about is lying a narcissistic skill whoa so let's do a deep dive into it first of all let's look at what narcissism is what is the basis for narcissistic personality disorder and narcisstic traits now I talk about something that's called core content and surface content so core content are those things inside of us those whatever they may be those feelings beliefs sometimes they're memory stuff that we have inside and when that gets activated we have this response set that we engage in almost immediately it's like without even thinking boom right we engage right in it and a lot of times individuals along the narcissistic Spectrum so that means it could be absent mild moderate severe or extreme because every and each trait narcissistic trait is on that same Dimension now those who qualify for narcissistic personal disorder they're usually moderate High moderate and they have a lot of these traits that are reinforced through maladaptive beliefs behaviors and patterns but where does lying come into all of this well the lying comes into place because what happens is is that internally that core content a lot of narcissists have these core content issues of fear shame doubt guilt and inferiority and when that occurs they engage in a maladaptive response in this video is we talking talking about lying now lying think about it lying tells us a lot about the person who's telling the LIE what they really believe and what they're really afraid of so lying you still give a lot of your psychology away so a lot of narcissists they lie in order to present themselves as having no problem as being perfect being able to resolve anything and everything and this sense of perect Perfection if only everybody would do exactly as I tell them to do the world would be a beautiful place problem is what they mean is for me everybody else is going to suffer but I don't care about that because it's about me and if if you knew one of the mantras U the maladaptive narcissistic Mantra is that just do for me and you'll be okay and that is a fallacy you'll hear that a lot in politicians that are along the narcissistic Spectrum you'll see it a lot in CEOs you'll see it a lot in friends you'll see it a lot in co-workers you'll see it a lot in Partners sometimes and you might even see it in family members too and it's all the same Mantra the same operating and they use lying to basically continue that sense of presentation right that I talked about just a second ago but lying is a skill just like ice skating now we have ice skaters on the planet who are in the Olympics and man are they good at ice skating boy they can zip around and spin in the air and they can go backwards and Zip Zip Zip and then you have people like myself people like myself when I ice skate I'm I'm one of the wall Huggers you know kind of pulling myself kind of along it's not pretty um and I'm really wobbly so let's now compare that to lons so if someone who's wobbly and in a wall hugger is going to lie you're going to see through that lie it's not particularly sophisticated it's really just going to have a lot of holes in it you know and then compare that to your Olympic ice skater now this is somebody who lies a lot they give out that false presentation and man when they tell a lie you're kind of like H yeah yeah yeah oh okay yeah sure that makes sense you're more likely to believe it interestingly the more that Liars lie the more they start to believe their lie particularly if it has the same theme or content and that goes back to what I mentioned just a second ago which is that individuals right they want to present in a particular way and that their lie gives a lot of their psychology away so narcissists often they their underlying theme is I'm great I'm perfect just trust in me now the trust doesn't mean they're doing it in a kind way right they're usually like just don't worry about yourself forget yourself your value and all that throw that out the window because that's not important you just make sure I'm okay and then you'll be okay but it's so maladaptive and you see that in relationships and that lying is to encourage and stroke that maladaptive content and you see it happen time and time and time again but the more they do it the the better they get at it again it's that ice skater so here's the thing narcissists lying yeah a lot of them do it a lot the ones who do it a lot are better at it than the wall Huggers like myself ice skating you'll see through it and you'll be like really dude that's not very good and you may not say something but you can tell that they're lying so what we want to do what I want you to take from this is what can you do about it I don't want you to get mad I want you to get upset recognize that if someone's lying think about what their psychology is what's the theme in the lie and when my clients lie to me and they do um I often take it as okay so this is like a projective they're projecting their psychology outward and perhaps some of their core content fears some of their underlying issues problems but also who they wish they were and who they want to be so there's a lot of information even in a lie so don't just discount and say you're a liar but what we want to do is we want to look at the psychology and try to get an understanding of that individual because again narcissists are often and I've used this in other videos and when I when I teach about narcissism too I talk about this narcissists tend to be kitties right you ever bring like a little kitten home and when you bring that kitten home it's really afraid of being in your house like you can freak out be like whoa where is this this isn't right and there's literally to be the keys what do they do now my mom huge huge cat person growing up if there was a cat that didn't have a collar walking around she'd scoop it up and bring it home so we had a lot of cats in my house so right when that cat comes home and I know what I'm talking about as it relates to cat that the cats come home and they Dart it man they shoot right under that couch right CU that's a safe little space and they're nervous same with the narcissist when they incur that narcissistic wound and that's something that someone is said or done that really hits at that core content makes them feel small makes them feel unsafe so what they do is then they engage in reparative behaviors or how they can feel safe same with that kitten that kitten comes home might peek its little little head out right it's kind of peeking and you put some food out maybe you put some a little little uh I don't know there used to be like little kitty treats you put little kitty treats out and the K the the kitten has a little bit a little bit more and it becomes more safe and that's like the therapeutic process with narcissist is that we know that they're kitties we know that they're afraid that they're worried and that's okay we understand that especially therapy so you know that you're putting the treats out right you put the treats out which is psychological growth then you're not lying so much then you don't need to lie and you can embrace your authentic self because people who Embrace their authentic self they don't need to lie and they're not narcissistic because they can say when they don't succeed they can say when they're struggling they ask for help when they need it and they can show their true emotions in a way that is clear and confident you don't you don't see that in narcissist so hope this video was helpful for you please leave some comments I'd love to hear more and I will see you next time byebye

Channel: Dr. Daniel Fox

Views: 7,424

Keywords: daniel fox personality, daniel fox personality disorders, personality disorders dsm 5, narcissistic relationship, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic mother, narcissistic parents, signs of narcissism, relationship cycle with a narcissist, narcissist relationship, toxic relationship, abusive relationship, narcissist cycle, healing from narcissistic abuse, narc abuse, narc abuse recovery, narc abuse syndrome, narc abuse cycle, narcissism, narcissistic, npd, dr fox npd, liar, lying

Id: ZAvfSmzc3S4

Length: 8min 13sec (493 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 27 2024