Applying the Infinite Mindset | Full Speech

[Music] come on in come on in [Music] it is so exciting to see all of you we need to get everybody back in because guess what I know a secret and you know how it is I can't keep a secret right so how are you liking it so far yes [Applause] so what if our next speaker was somebody pretty phenomenal what if our next speaker was an unshakable optimist who really believes in a bright future we can build together a truly Visionary thinker with extremely rare intellect who has devoted his career to advance the vision of listen to this because guys this speaks to us a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single day inspired to feel safe and at the end of the day fulfilled by the work they do good what if our speaker was the author of five best-selling books what if one of them was start with y what if one of them was Leaders Eat Last what if one of them was the infinite game yes ladies and gentlemen help me welcome Simon Senate [Music] thank you thank you thank you so how exciting is this do you know when they told me about this they told me about this today because they knew I couldn't keep a secret okay so can I tell you a little bit about our people please um real estate people of course but I have to tell you that you're in the presence of truly servant leaders and what I mean by that is they work every day to you know help create a greater good which I know you believe in for everybody truly servant leaders that go out every day and work on behalf of others I'm very proud of them I'm very proud of several things Simon number one our leadership who during covid truly LED with with calm and you know it took us where we needed to be we huddled we called a huddled and these people came and they came again and again and again and because of the Huddle we called and because of what we were able to do we really gave them the charge to go into the community and be a resource and not a sales pitch and we did that a lot of different ways we did that through helping to refuel the um the food banks and how to look at diversity from a different eye and how to really go in and strengthen each community that they could and and just build a build a better life for people and the result of that has been tremendous growth in our company so I wanted the opportunity to tell you that just we don't get the recognition we should typically as an industry we tend to be commissioned breadth sometimes and and that's not who we are we're an entirely different company so we welcome you and we're glad to have you here with us today so talk to us a little bit about the the fun things that might be coming we know change is coming in our industry we've had a really good ride for a while you talk about the infinite game if you will first explain the difference in infinite and finite games yeah sure um I'm obsessed with this idea um in the mid-1980s a philosopher and theologian by the name of James karst defined these two kinds of games finite games and infinite games a finite game is defined as known players fixed rules and an agreed upon objective football baseball there's always a beginning middle and an end and if there is a winner then necessarily there has to be a loser then you have infinite games infinite games are defined as known and unknown players which means anyone can join the game at any time and you don't necessarily know who all the other players are the rules are changeable which means every player can play however they want and the objective is to perpetuate the game to stay in the game as long as possible turns out we are players in infinite games every day of Our Lives whether we know it or not there's no such thing as winning Healthcare right there's no such thing as winning education you can come in first for the finite amount of time you're at school where we agree upon the time frame and the metrics grades but nobody wins education or nobody wins learning um uh nobody you can't be number one in your marriage it could be number two but you can't be number one uh uh uh well maybe the first time but exactly exactly exactly but then it's finite and you have to try again exactly the goal is to perpetuate remember um uh and there's definitely no such thing as winning business but if you listen to the language of so many people it becomes abundantly clear they don't actually know the game they're playing in you know I hear people all the time in business talk about we're number one or I'm the best you know or I want to beat my competition based on what based on what agreed upon metrics objectives or time frames and this is a problem because when we play with a finite mindset in an infinite game when we play to win in a game that has no Finish Line um then there is some consistent and predictable outcomes the big ones are the decline of trust the decline of cooperation and the decline of innovation and if you think about it everything that I just described like you don't know who all the other agents are you don't you know anybody can become an agent at any time they want anybody can do their run their business however they want and nobody wins you can you know selling a property is finite there's a beginning middle and end okay that's what I was going to ask you but then it just repeats and repeats in a series of repeating infinite finite games is doesn't make an infinite game just makes you exhausted okay so we are finite in ways because we have rules we have guidelines we have all of that the transactions are fine the try not yeah and people come and go and enter and mm-hmm now I'll give you a personal example I want that that shows you the differences do I want that that's the question uh it's the good news is the person who's who sold me this property uh it was the seller's agent oh okay right um and uh he was charming and nice and wonderful and lovely and helpful and all the things that I would expect and I warmed up to him and he was apparently helping me and then I remember distinctly at the closing he sat there with no personality all of his charm had left all his friendliness had gone he barely engaged with me he just wanted to be there to collect his check so he could get out of there and I realized it was all fake it was all for show it was all to butter me up so that I would simply sign on the dotted line and as a result I will never work with him again as a buyer or a seller I'll never list with him ever and I probably will never work with that company again because I realized they just saw me as a number they never saw me as a person in the first place um he was an old white guy I mean that should tell you a little bit of something as well that that sort of maybe how he was raised in the industry um and by the way the mortgage broker was no different you know uh he was charming and wonderful and lovely and helped me get a great rate etc etc and then I remember after I closed he called me and said congratulations and I said oh thank you that's so nice of you and he called me just to congratulate me on closing on my house and then the first thing he said to me was and if you know anybody who's looking for a mortgage I'd really appreciate the recommendation he never called me to congratulate me he called me because he wanted the referral like give it a breath you know like call me and congratulate me in a week later asked me for the referral and see let me see what sucks about that can I say that what sucks about that totally is that's that one person yeah colored your entirely and but this is finite versus infinite okay he he could only see the transaction he could only see get business get more business get business get more business what he didn't understand is he's dealing with a human being and the more there's a relationship I will gladly recommend him I will gladly introduce you to my guy right um now I'm completely agnostic because if you're going to treat me like a transaction I'm going to treat you like a transaction if you're going to treat me like a transaction I'm going to squeeze you to get more money out of you I want a lower rate I'm going to squeeze the agents but if you treat me like a human being I'll gladly pay a higher rate because I want to work with you and that's what infinite minded players understand better which you don't have to be the cheapest you don't have to have the lowest rate or the lowest price if you have a great relationship and you know thank you for saying that and that really is we're the unbrokerage you know we're the we're a little bit untraditional I I just applaud you saying that so let's turn that just a little bit because I do think the old mindset of real estate is commission breath it's next next next I want to say whatever I need to say do whatever I need to do to get you on the hook for the next time right what if we looked at it from a consultant perspective what if we said what the consumer needs now because the summer they've got all this stuff they can go online and look at it they can do a virtual tour they can go we can't be an expert in what prices what what things are worth anymore but yet they need a navigator right now more than ever the consumer needs a navigator so should we approach it from a consultant or maybe even a coaching perspective well I mean the simple answer is yes how um uh so let's think about what a coach or a consult let's not use the word consultant it's a dirty word in a lot of Industries um uh no no I don't mean that disrespectfully it's just that um that word has baggage can I tell you something yeah my Tar Heels are in the final game tonight so let's talk about coaching so so here's what I like about the term coach more than consultant right um a consultant by the nature of the definition it's I'm the expert I'm the consultant right a coach recognizes that you you are you have value so the best athletes in the world have coaches and by the way they're better than their coaches at playing the game but the coaches have a perspective that they don't have and so I'm a huge fan of the idea of coaching and we say let me be your coach doesn't diminish your your education in fact you may have bought and sold more houses than I've bought and sold you may know more than me uh especially if you're young in this industry and you're selling to somebody this is not their first rodeo right but to be a coach means I'm going to guide I'm going to do something heavy lifting for you and you change your style to meet the style of the person you're with if they know a lot you can speak to them at a different in a different way please write that down the definition of a coach if we go back right a coach was to provide safe Passage right the coach would take you from point A yeah and deliver you safely at point B right that's what we do we find your home successful closing yep and I think one of the essential skills of being a good coach is listening and this is a skill that is not taught in school we don't learn it on Home unfortunately and and we don't learn it at work listening is not hearing the words that are spoken that's like my favorite quote that you say go ahead I'm sorry listening is I thought I was being original the the listening listening is not about hearing the words that are spoken it's not being able to Parrot back what somebody said to you listening is listening for meaning right um you uh uh um you are a good listener the tester being good at listener is if the other person feels heard right say that again right write that down so so I mean we've all had we just take it out of the context of business right we've all had an argument or wanted to share our feelings with a friend or a loved one right spouse girlfriend boyfriend you're sitting on the couch and you say something's bugging you and you say can I just tell you something that's bugging me and they respond by trying to fix it or they respond by pointing out the facts that may or may not align with how you feel right well that's impossible because this is what happened and what they're missing is you are not looking for them you're not looking for them to compare the facts of what's being said you just want to feel heard you just want somebody to go oh my God that's really hard yeah I hear it I hear that thank you for sharing that with me that must be difficult all I needed right I'll give you a a a a very funny example of bad listening so I used to date a girl who's an air traffic controller air attractive controllers are breed unto themselves and it's only about the facts and I woke up one morning I had something in my eye and I couldn't open my eye it was hurting and I'm like flushing it out with water and nothing's work and I mean I couldn't even open my eyes to have her come on like come here come here I'm gonna look in my eye what did you see anything do you understand anything and she looks in she goes like this and she goes there's nothing there and then walks away and I eventually you know whatever it was I eventually was okay and I went up there I was like WTF right I'm like I had something in my eye you just walked away and she's like there was nothing there so what do you want me to do I was like a little sympathy she's like well that's not going to get anything out of your eye listening is standing by my side while I'm flushing it out with water and go oh my God that must hurt so much yeah it does thank you right that's listening and if somebody can learn to listen and now now this is where it gets actionable this is not me just waxing philosophical and telling funny stories about listening my friend will gudero do how many of you are restaurant people have you ever heard of 11 Madison Park so at some point in New York City 11 Madison Park was the best rest restaurant in the world right ranked number one and will believes in this he's he was the former owner he believes in this concept of unreasonable Hospitality which is going to what good services and then going way way way Beyond and one of the core tenets of unreasonable hospitality is learning to listen and I'll give you an example that directly impacts your business most agents don't listen and I'll give you an example what do you do what do you do for your clients after they close on a home right it's very common we've all we've we've all bought a home too right which is you walk into this new home that you just bought as a buyer and there's a bottle of champagne in the fridge there's a basket of flowers on the dining room table the same basket of flowers that you gave to every other client the same bottle of champagne that you gave to every client generic I'm a number it's just it's just rote but if you were listening while they were looking at all those homes and they saw this one little room that was too small to make a bedroom it was just sort of a stupid little Nook that nobody really understood why that room existed in the house and your client walked in and goes I could make this my yoga room and that's the house they bought instead of putting a bottle of champagne in the house this is what will talks about instead of putting a bottle of champagne in the fridge why not put a yoga mat in that room with a little note that says it's perfect right that's called listening and every single time you go out [Applause] every single time you go out with clients uh they are telling you things they're telling you stories they're waxing philosophical they're telling you what they don't like and what they do like but the problem is you're listening to whether they like big Windows you're listening to whether they like the view you're listening to whether they have two cars and they need three cars or whatever it is but you're not listening to the reasons why the why you're not listening for the meaning and that's those the little notes you want to make that make someone feel seen and make someone feel heard and what will that do for the referrals I mean you get skyrocketed you get skyrockets because you're no longer feeling like a number you're feeling like a person so we came through our industry basically came through the pandemic pretty well right I mean we've we've been on an upward swing how many in here believe change is coming a shift shift happens right um how do you feel about that frightened I heard even a very seasoned professional say scared so how do we deal with that um so one of the things that I loved when covid first showed up was every talking head talked about during these uncertain times and I wanted to write raise my hand and be like um all times are uncertain there's never been a time ever that was certain um all that happened was something that we didn't expect happened that reminded us that time is uncertain and and periods of consistency just breed laziness is all they do um uh when economies are skyrocketing you can afford to be lazy people get bad habits yeah you can afford to be you can actually afford to be lazy when there's no inventory and prices are Sky High and all you have to do is show somebody one house and they'll buy it tomorrow like you're not a genius it's it's it's not you right uh it's like it's like somebody should have leaned over and told Peloton you're not better you're lucky right uh right place right time um and the Smart Ones know that the Smart Ones don't take um above average success I'll give you the analogy so I know this guy who he he trades stocks right and when the stock market when he makes money he is it's because he's a genius when he loses money it's because of market conditions right now you can have it both ways you can't mix your Logics you're either a genius or an idiot or it's good market conditions and bad market conditions but you can't mix them right and the best people the ones with the infinite mindset understand that they understand they don't they don't celebrate the good too much because they understand that it can change tomorrow and they don't mourn the bad too much because they know it could change tomorrow and it's about saving money and being humble in the good times so that you have money and remain confident in the bad times it's the it's that wonderful balance of humility and confidence that go together but people who make tons of money and spend it all in good times have none in the bad times and the best organizations the best sales people the best solopreneurs I know they're they're they're they're conservative in the in the in the good times and they're liberal and the hard times it's so funny because that's the calmness that we were led by we were led by that exact mindset when the pandemic first started um so the uncertainty the the just planning just knowing let's pull that back to coaching how do we take that out how do we coach to that how are we coached to that so uh the single best way to deal with any kind of difficulty personal struggle business struggle Financial struggle whatever it is um is with others like no human being is strong enough or smart enough to do this thing called life or career alone we're just not that we're just not that strong but together we're remarkable right um and so you know here we are talking about relationships and listening as it relates to buyers and sellers but the reality is your ability to learn to listen to deal with difficult conversations to how to give and receive feedback how to resolve conflict that's actually as if not more important with the people you work with the value of this event by the way is not folks like me on the stage this is this is just the fun bits the value are the people you're sitting next to the relationships you build like during the breaks during the breaks that's the important stuff during the breaks don't disappear just to be on your phone right because like if you have a team back home and you got to check all your email nothing undermines trust in your team more than you feel like you have to respond to every single email that you're getting just tell them you're going away to this uh event deal with everything right they're smart enough build them up but putting that aside get to know the people here because when bad things happen the single best resources you have is each other right you can pick up the phone and say I'm struggling and it's it's doing it with each other I I've had the the the the the the the the big uh honor the huge honor of getting to work with some of our folks in uniform and not a single one of them runs into battle for gutter country zero uh it's always a person that's left in person to the right and their courage doesn't come from some deep internal fortitude comes from their desire to protect the person next to them and the fear of letting them down the fear of letting them down is is worse than the fear of some doing something difficult right there was a former Navy SEAL who was asked what kind of person makes it into the seals right and he said I can't tell you the kind of person that makes it into the seals but I can tell you the kind of person that doesn't he says uh he said the uh the Star College athlete who's never really been tested to the core of their being none of those guys make it in he said the preening leader that likes to delegate everything none of those guys make it in he said some of these guys that show up with huge hulking muscles covered in tattoos because they want to prove how tough they are none of those guys make it and he said some of the guys who make it in are skinny and scrawny he said some of the guys who make it in you'll see them shivering out of fear he said but when they're emotionally exhausted when they're physically exhausted when they have absolutely nothing left to give somehow some way they're able to dig down deep inside themselves to help the guy next to them in other words the highest performing teams of the planet are not the strongest or the smartest the highest performing teams of the planet are the ones who care the most and are willing to sacrifice for the people next to them that's you know I love that and that that care and Community that's a lot of our core our core values they're two of our core values two two of the C's so can we roll back just a minute and go back to infinite game just for a second because I hear you talking about one of the principles in that yeah building a trusting team and that is so important in real estate it's not one person that does anything every successful person in this room has an army of people working with them it looks like a lender it looks like a title company um it looks like they're broker sure um so talk about building that trusting team so I'll give you an example first of all what is a trusting team right yeah we all know that trust is important but what what is it really um so I'll give you an example it's sort of one of my favorite examples of what a trusting team looks like so I a bunch of years ago I was in Vegas for a business trip and they were very nice to put me up down the street at the Four Seasons it's a beautiful hotel the four seasons over here happens to have a coffee bar in the lobby and so one afternoon I went and bought myself a cup of coffee and the the Barista working that day named Noah he was charming and funny and engaging and I stood there for far too long talking to Noah and as is my nature I asked Noah um uh do you like your job without skipping a beat Noah said I love my job now in my line of work that's significant like is rational right I like the people I like the work I get paid well I don't like my job love is emotional it's a higher order connection like do you love your wife I like her a lot right it's right and Noah said I love my job so for me I was like oh that's a higher ordered a connection this kid's emotionally connected to his job so immediately I follow up and said can you tell me specifically what the Four Seasons is doing that you would even say to me I love my job and again he didn't skip a beat he said yeah throughout the day managers will walk past me and ask me how I'm doing ask me if there's anything that I need to do my job better not just my manager any manager and then he said I also work at another hotel he says and there the managers catch us when we're doing things wrong he says they're the managers who put pressure on us simply to make our numbers and perform there I like to keep my head below the radar and just get through the day and collect my paycheck only at the Four Seasons he said do I feel there's that word again do I feel I can be myself what I find so profound about that story is this is the exact same human being in two different companies in two different leadership environments and our experience of him will be profoundly different not because of the person but because of the place he works right it's not the person very often and so uh you know when we talk about oh you can't get good people these days I'm like hmm you know it's like the only common factor in all my failed my relationships is right it's like if if there's no good people ever that you can hire I'm thinking there's one common factor in all those people who are leaving you that might be you um and and and uh and and Noah's experiences you know we have these we have this Twisted a thoughts about how we get the most out of our people like how am I going to get the most out of our mate people are not a towel that you ring them out how much you can get out of them you know the question is what kind of environment can I create in which my people can work at their natural best and a trusting team you know you're on a trusting team we've all felt it you know you're on a trusting team when you can raise your hand and say I don't understand I don't know what I'm doing I need more training I'm having struggles at home it's affecting my work I'm scared I need help without any fear of humiliation or retribution but rather you say those things with absolute confidence that someone will rush in to support you we also all know what it's like not to be on a trusting team where you do not admit mistakes you did not admit you don't know what you're doing you never ask for help and you spend most of your days lying hiding and faking yeah which works for a short period of time but eventually cracks become you know the cracks start to grow and things start to break trusting teams are feeling safe to ask for help that's what a trusting team is and you're either on one or you're making one you know it's so interesting because then I tell you my Tar Heels are in a national championships yes congratulations um well they were just not even predicted to go to the go to the tournament and there's a story about them that in the at the beginning of December I mean they were terrible and they had a big loss and they came back to the university and they got off the bus and they went in the locker room and they stayed together until three o'clock in the morning because they said we have the skill right we we know the game we have the skill we're conditioned what they didn't have was trust right and they came out of that at three o'clock in the morning and they worked it out yeah that collaborative thing of saying and I don't even think the coach was there I think it was just you know you meet heads need to go in there and figure this out and they did and the result has been winning since then so what do we need to do if we form that team if we're you know clearly all of these people are in the right company um but but how do we how do we clear that how do we how do we build that trust or is that a really big topic that's a very big topic but it's no different than how you build trust in any kind of relationship so you say I I've met this person that I really like how do I build trust well you don't tell them all your secrets on the first day right we all know that you have to be vulnerable but but there is there is a there's a timing you know and it's a dance and it's and it's giving somebody a little extra responsibility and seeing how they do and if they screw up instead of yelling at them be like all right try again you know that we treat mistakes as learning opportunities rather than you know and a mistake is only when you keep repeating the same error and you haven't learned anything um um where we practice empathy you build trust with empathy as well so um uh empathy uh in business looks like this um here's a traditional scenario um somebody walks you know picks up the phone or walks into their office when we had when we did that um and says um you know your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row um we've had this conversation before and if you don't pick up your numbers in the fourth quarter I don't know what's going to happen right that's pretty normal here's empathy injected into that scenario hey your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row we've had this conversation before um are you okay I'm worried about you what's going on WOW right where it's about the person not the performance and so when again it goes back to that listening and you you are not listening until somebody else feels heard those things you know seeing someone as human understanding that we all have stresses and strains and Egos and insecurities and we bring all of that to work and though we still have to be uh emotionally professional you know you can't sit in a meeting like this because you're having a bad day that's emotionally unprofessional um though we still have to be emotionally professional um we're still human beings yeah um and a good leader uh recognizes that and by the way somebody on a team recognizes that too you don't have to be a position of authority to be a good leader you know because those who may be higher in rank than us are also filled with insecurity and fear and stress and strain and the ego and all that right and it's okay to go up the chain of command and say hey are you okay you know you were really hard on us in that meeting today instead of labeling them an be like are you are you okay you know and and by the way and that's the dance it's like any relationship you know it's not expected for one person in an interpersonal relationship to to do all the listening it's a dance and it goes backwards and forwards and you know you you you you meet empathy with empathy and you meet listening with listening and and you meet difficult conversations with difficult conversations I think that's been such a lesson for us in covid with people working remotely is that hearing is one of the five senses but listening is an art where you really have to you have to look at body language and you have to figure out what's going on that's more than what is Right Here Right which we missed out on covid yeah like somebody's somebody's sitting there you know and like they're talking and they're bouncing their leg like this because they're nervous you miss that you missed that on Zoom yeah because you know you get nothing yeah so can we talk about one of rivalry yeah so of the five practices of the infinite game or an internet mindset having a worthy rival is the easiest one to implement immediately so in a competition in a in a finite game baseball football you have competitors to be beaten right um but in an infinite game they come go they do whatever they want you don't have competitors because you're not even playing by the same rules but you do have Rivals and some of those Rivals are worthy of comparison and a worthy rival is someone who does probably similar things as you who does one or many things better than you in fact their name might make you angry okay right um the mirror utterance of somebody goes ah she's the best and you're thinking not that and you're smiling but that's not what you're thinking that's probably someone who's your worthy rival because their strengths are making you insecure their strength are revealing to you your weaknesses and that's what a worthy rival does a worthy rival their strengths reveal to you or weaknesses and you don't have to like them but you do have to respect them and thank them because the goal is not to beat them the goal is to improve yourself the only true competitor in the infinite game is yourself and see where that is so tough for our industry is cooperation right and what I mean by that is I may be competing against you for a listing yep but I win the listing I might need you to sell a house so we're competing but there's got to be that cooperation along with it and a finite mindset is everything is about this transaction this listing an infinite mindset is I may win or lose this game I may win or lose this transaction and there'll be another one and another one and another one and another one and the goal is not to win this one the goal is to be better and better and better and better and better and what happens is you win more often yeah so I I uh see and where I struggle with that honestly is I want to crush it every time yeah of course of course you're a highly competitive A type personality I get it yeah um but if that's all you do you you're not going to be in the game no I can I've been in a long time but this is my point infinite in the infinite game the infinite game the infinite mindset is about having the strength the will and the resources which we will is I really still enjoy this industry and the resources I got the money to stay in the game if you run out of will you run out of resources you find a different line of work right the goal is not to win every game the goal is to stay in the game as long as possible and you're more likely to stay in the game as long as possible if you're enjoying it and if you're making money so uh but like I said think of those agents who are better than you whether they're better marketers or better salesperson or they have they get more recommendations and again you don't have to like them you have to thank them and study them and learn what they're doing as I said because their strengths are revealed revealing to your weaknesses and sometimes partner with them because you're actually stronger together but hating them is stupid right all it does is make you cut focus on them rather than focus on yourself all it does is make you focus and and sit around with your friends and be like but they don't do this and they well you're not doing any of that either you know so it puts all your focus in all the wrong places it's like you know what it's like uh uh if the any skiers out there if you ski through trees every skier knows this if you say don't hit a tree don't hit a tree don't hit a tree you hit a tree because all you're doing is looking at trees where when you're skiing through cheese and you say follow the path follow the path follow the path you don't hit a tree because you're only looking at the path so your mindset is if all you're doing is focusing on them then you're good you're hitting trees is what you're doing you're focusing all the things that make you weak rather than focusing on all the things that make you better so focus on the positive right I really I love the concept of us being coaches and as getting people to that that safe place yeah and train people to be coaches you know we teach people how to sell but we don't teach people how to coach wow and they're both skills they're both learnable practical skills I love the art of listening you know I think that is just going to transport you to another level in production and referrals and and all of that you know there's a great irony you know the companies that I know that teach listening to their people so that they will be better leaders better sales people whatever it is the profound impact it has on someone's life the you know they report back that thank you for teaching me that listening skills that I could be a better salesperson my marriage is better my relationship with my kids is better you know my relationship with my parents is better because the the art of listening is applicable everywhere where you interact with another human being not just at work even though the company taught you that skill for work and my biggest fear because we don't need to go down that rabbit hole but my biggest fear is screens are taking that away correct yeah I mean I can prove it to you and by the way I've I've had this happen with agents can I borrow someone's phone Joe can I just borrow a phone yeah thanks I know it's okay here I'll get one there you go okay I just want to show you something I'm just going to show you a little I'm just gonna okay I'm just going to show you something right so um I'm just holding my phone while I'm talking to you guys uh it's not buzzing it's not beeping I'm not checking it I'm just holding it let me just ask you a question do you feel like you're the most important thing to me right now exactly there's a deep-seated psychological reaction when you were walking around a house with a client holding your phone even if you're not checking it and I have absolutely had it where I've been walking around with an agent and they're talking to me and then I like look to the left and I turn around and they're like this guess how that made me feel that I am not the most important thing to that person in this moment wow right and this and this is artificial I'm just doing it right now in front of a room and I'm not even looking down and you don't feel that special right so uh the point is is put your phone away for the 10 minutes you're walking around a house and you go ahead uh the [Applause] I mean like like the the art of making someone feel seen and heard is stupidly simple right uh learning their name really quickly is really easy and calling them by their name is really easy asking them questions not about what they're looking for in a house but asking questions about who they are like where they see themselves in five years professionally like you know are you married or single what do you know what do you learn about them as if you know as people and all of that learning makes you show people different things it makes you it makes you creative I know this wasn't the kind of house you were looking for but based on what we talked about before I think you'll really like this and now you're not looking to sell them a house you're looking to sell them a home and I know a lot of you use those terminology I'm not here to help you find a house I'm here to find a home and yet you still left a bottle of champagne in the in the fridge in their new house you didn't help them make a home with a yoga mat um uh so uh really really easy put put your devices away because not only does it distract us but as an act of service um you're doing it for someone else now if you have an emergency you simply apologize my mother's in the hospital I have to keep my phone and I'm terrified really sorry I will try my best not totally fine but uh you don't get to use that card very often that is the exception not the rule yeah and it's a transaction that you're waiting for does not count it'll have to wait 15 minutes and you know Kuba tells us that all the time just create that amazing experience right and and that's what you're doing because that makes you memorable that's going to set you apart from your competitors that one act of intention I can so when they were building Disneyland the imagineers took Walt Disney on a tour to show them what they had built they showed them one of the rides I can't remember which one and they built an animatronic bird perfect in every detail and they showed it to Walt it's so excited for him to be to show them this perfect perfect animatronic bird that no guest would ever be able to tell the difference between this and a real bird and Walt looks at and goes no it's it's not it's not going to work and they're like Walt it's perfect in every detail it's the feathers of the color it's the movement every perfect in every detail and Walt said the bird's not breathing and they said no one will notice and he said people can feel perfection and that's the point which is they may not be able to say the thing that you did or did not do but they can feel it wow that's great that's powerful [Applause] so one thing that I'm extremely proud of and I'm not sure everyone in here is aware of it but we have we are aware of our core values which I shared with you and our Manifesto which I shared in our six C's which is what everything we do we're driven by that we bounce up against that but we've introduced be golden be you and I was so excited to introduce this to you because it speaks so much to who you are and the golden is growth and it's not grow that I'm I'm going to beat you by growing it's you know that internal growth its own so have extreme ownership in what you do um it's law it's love the L is love and Cuba is very driven by come from your heart be genuine which is what you're saying you knew the realtor was faking it right so come from your heart everything should be driven by love be determined which you know be intentional be determined with everything you do practice equality so treat everyone better than you want to be treated and I think the diversity of our Network and I'm not going to say family because family can be so dysfunctional right but our team of our organ you know if your family's not dysfunctional you may not know them all um but but but practice that if I'm just maybe that was too personal um but that equality of of loving one another and then to do it now you know to make sure that we don't know how much time we have we we don't know um but just be intentional so I'm really proud of that I'm proud to talk to you about that I'm proud for that behavior to be who we become you know who we grow into as an organization yes I like things that are verbs I like things that are behaviors more than just sort of you know I I believe that value should be written as verbs you know you go to so many companies and they have the values written on the wall you know you know Integrity you know Innovation right with the big yeah yeah Innovation honesty you know if you have to write honesty on the wall you've got bigger problems but the the the like Innovation is not a value you can't walk into somebody's office and say a little more Innovation today please like what are they supposed to do right uh but if you want to put Integrity you write do the right thing if you want to do honesty you say tell the truth if you want to say Innovation say look at the problem from a different angle like they make them be make them behaviors that people can do um so I'm a great book so I like behaviors I like that you did that um the concept of treating people the way you want to be treated I'm not sure I agree with that one okay have that better than you want to be treated I think treat people the way they want to be treated okay you know because you win you win and by the way that's that's that's and that that goes both ways right some people want a lot of attention give them a lot of attention some people want little very little attention don't bug them right and so you you know uh treating people is a dial and you can tell the ones that have a formula because they're not listening you know like when somebody's giving me a pitch and I'm like looking the other direction and I'm like glazing over and they're still talking it's because they have to get through the script and they're completely ignoring the room they're completely ignoring the fact that I am just not interested and so in an instant people can feel perfection in an instant I've come to the conclusion in a span of 30 seconds that this person has no interest in me they have an interest in getting through their script which means they're interested in getting through their transaction and I've already formed an entire judgment an entire opinion oh what this relationship is going to be like and if you treat me as a transaction I treat you as a transaction which means I got 18 agents working for me not just you because that's how you treated me that's why I'm treating you I'll play by your rules if you treat me with love and make me feel I don't want to work with anybody else right so if you're just trying to get the most money out of me then I'm going to try and get the least money out of somebody else so uh uh and again people will play by the rules that you set I'm guessing that I thing didn't work out well is that what the thing in your eye that she didn't help you that I'm guessing that didn't work well when I when I talked to her afterwards I sort of didn't finish the story I went up to her I was like you know you can show me a little sympathy and you know she said well that's not going to help you get anything out of your eye I mean and that's sort of how she thinks about everything and she God bless her she had to learn that relationships are not based on facts and figures and that is true in business as it is in a relationship which is the facts don't always matter it's how I felt that I feel supported in that moment and how so you do want to be treated and how I do it don't treat me the way you would because she doesn't want because she treat me the way I want to be treated I'm sensitive yeah got it okay got it thank you so questions are we okay to do some questions anybody got questions I think we've got microphones don't be shy there will be a follow-up to that so be careful yeah yeah I knew that questions and he is wisely not answering that question by the way mainly because I don't know what to say after hi Simon what an honor it is by the way my name thank you and Kathy um my question is you speak a lot to us you write tons of books I'm an association leader as well as someone who serves 370 agents directly on a daily basis and it's really easy to take it in and like hear it while you're saying it sure but how would you suggest people actually go home and reflect and the points you've made today to better themselves uh great question so you know pick one thing and go do it you know it's it's kind of like anything which is you know you know when you learn to drive a car fly a plane you know sell a house whatever it is it's overwhelming that's so much information and you can't be expected to learn it all and practice it all tomorrow it's it's a journey it's a process and so you know do these things out loud do these things live um and practice them and I'll go back to one of the things that I said before with someone you know if anybody's ever gotten their scuba certification they teach you don't go diving by yourself you have to have a dive buddy right because it's safer right you don't do it by yourself it's actually stupid um uh and and I think that's what this journey is you should have a leadership buddy because it's too hard to do by yourself and it's too overwhelming and Leadership is very often a very lonely position because as you make your way up the ranks you gain some success it's harder and harder to know who you could be completely vulnerable with you can't come to work and be like it's not going to work I'm not I don't know I can't no you know it's like you can talk about being stressed you can talk about that it's a hard time you can talk about being uncertain but you can't just break down but you have to break down you have to break down to someone and so you've got to have a leadership buddy because the leadership buddy will be there to hold you in your darkest moments and give you a space to let it all out but at the same time they're there when you need to make difficult decisions saying you got this I believe in you um and that'll give you the card to do it so um who's your leadership buddy well that's amazing you're welcome you're welcome hi Simon Denise Pollock San Diego um earlier uh Ben was speaking about bucket lists and you know let's say you put a hundred items on there where do you start what do you do how do you do it you know to prioritize you know like one we were talking over here one of my bucket list long-term items is to buy a huge star-worthy RV and drive across the you know country which I know is not attainable in this moment but how do we start with a hundred things you know to a married life okay I'm gonna get in trouble now right because I don't believe in bucket lists uh because I believe in Reverse bucket lists oh I'm gonna like this keep going uh what a bucket list does is a long list of things that we haven't done and it reminds us of all the things we're missing and it it neglects gratitude and I would rather we look at all the things we have done uh and be grateful for the fact that we've lived Rich lives up until this moment and uh and so are are there dreams that I have of course are the things I want to do of course do I know what some of them are in my head of course do I hope to check them off that list of course court but what's more fun to do is go through the list of things I have done and the things that I never thought I would be able to do that I was able to do and it it's a nicer feeling than the things I'm missing out on and for you can I can I act I know what I'm talking about sure okay that's um I've made a whole career out of it okay um see I wish you would just pause and maybe look back at the lives you've changed through through the work you're doing because you're changing lives every day I mean you're creating amazing memories for families and and all of you need to do that you're you're making a big difference and I'll add to that I'll see your raise and I'll raise you uh uh and be specific like it's not enough to say you help so many families just think about all the families you have like tell me what their name is like actually think of the actual family right the more you can connect it to a real human being the more you will feel it um and I'll prove it to you Stalin said Stalin said the death of uh one man is a tragedy in the death of a million as a statistic right so I'll tell you two stories both are true um right now what we are witnessing in Europe is a horrible event of this war in Ukraine and we see a proud people standing up to defend themselves against this oppressive regime that is invading their country unnecessarily and the conservative estimates now are you know uh I I think the last one I read was about you know five thousand men and women killed rising up against the despotic regime right that's a fact those are numbers now let me tell you another story I have a friend named Cami who um lives in San Clemente California and she was driving home from work one day and she as she turned the corner She Came Upon a car accident that had just happened um where a 17 year old driver had hit an 18 year old pedestrian and this 18 year old girl was lying on the street her leg at a 90 degree angle unconscious and the ambulances hadn't arrived yet Cami pulled her car over and got out and sat with the girl and just sat with her until the paramedics arrived eventually the paramedics arrived and took her away and a few days later she was curious what happened to that girl she went online onto the blotter and found out that that 18 year old girl had died okay what made you feel more thousands of people who died standing up against the oppressive regime to defend their lifestyle and their democracy or one 18 year old girl who got hit by a car in California that's my point which is when you tell a story about a specific person you feel it way more than telling statistics of all the people you held helped or all the homes you've sold I don't care about how many homes you've sold or how many families you've helped tell me about the one you remember you know that's the one you tell and when somebody says what can you do for me I've lived in this neighborhood for 30 years and I have a greater knowledge of this neighborhood than anybody else and I've sold more houses and I'll get you the best deal and then you get a cynical bastard like me who goes your business model encourages you not to get me the best deal I mean that's the way I think I apologize because you want to keep the price up because that's what makes you more money like I know like I get it right it's like therapists don't want to get you better because they get paid by the hour um uh if they did flat feet we'd all be fine [Music] but if you if you walk in and say if somebody says why should I why should I do business with you right you'd be like three years ago I met this family the Joneses oh what a wonderful couple two kids Lucy and George and just the best and and you tell a story about what you got to know about them and what they were looking for and how you spent the time with them and people will relate their experience to the Joneses not to the 55 houses you've sold over the 30 years you've been in business because I don't care I just need one and so the more you can tell a specific Story the more people can feel it to yourself and to others that is powerful and now you can go back and use what you can people say what'd you learn at the at the conference you'd be like well Stalin said can I tell you one more thing and brag a little bit you're not related to staliner no okay um one thing that we've done as an organization I'm extremely proud of this Cuban Luba have been very touched by the Ukraine situation and what a couple of weeks ago maybe a month and a half ago Cooper they decided I think with the girls I'm making this up so forgive me they decided it may be true they decided with their girls that they wanted to do something to make a difference for the kids in Ukraine and this tiny little idea for us to go out and fill shoe boxes with toys and things for the children resulted six weeks later in over 31 000 shoe boxes that have been shipped to Poland wow what I wish is that we knew those kids that received it to be able to model what you're saying but very proud of this group just very very much how committed that's beautiful we are in that wonderful that's magical yeah see and that's the kind of story you don't hear about Realtors you don't and can I make it better over here Janet um let me make it let me just and all of you don't know this and God love them they're from Kansas but I know I know um but let me tell you this story because a lot of you may not know this story um Janet's office her office one of our one of her competitors her rivalries there is Keller Williams and I might be making this up too so forgive me I might be embellishing a little bit but the Market Center there called and said can we contribute to the shoebox drive and so 80 60 80 125 shoe boxes they contributed from the from the Market Center one of their agents was Ukrainian and she hand wrote prayers oh beautiful to go in the shoe boxes beautiful and you I don't want to start crying you don't um you don't hear that you don't hear that that's how our industry works yeah you just hear the commission breath right so guys go out there make a difference you've got a lot of power that's great next question I think we got time for maybe one more one or two more Scott thank you Cuba my name is uh Todd fallman from the Seattle area uh thank you Cuba thank you Kathy and special thanks Simon for spending some time with us uh in terms of pursuit of infinite growth and value uh how would you define the difference between passion and purpose and how would that help lead us in that experience uh passion is an output uh purpose is an input we always talk about I you know I'm passionate for this I'm like I mean like everybody's passionate for something you know passion's an output like you know it's like I love talking to people like we only hire passionate people well how do you know that the passion of your interviewing not so passionate for working right the so I always think that passion is an output which is when you are doing something that you believe in when you're doing something that feels like it's bigger than yourself that you feel like you're contributing to a larger purpose what you feel is Passion like working hard for something that we love is called passion working hard for something we don't love is called stress um it's an output it's not an input purpose is like is like a battery right it provides energy and so in fact I was just talking backstage about this before I came out which is which is when I set out to spread my message uh there was some personal sacrifice that I had to make I was traveling a lot which means there was a lot of physical exertion and exhaustion um I it took a huge hit to my personal life you know I'd go on a first date and be like oh my God this is amazing are you free in six weeks for a second date you know um um because I met this girl in Vegas at this conference is amazing that was a shout out [Applause] uh but the point is is because I had a sense of purpose though I did not enjoy it it was worth it so I think purpose makes us feel like the sacrifices we're making are worth it and uh and you'll know it because what you feel is Passion it's an input and an output I guess better put you need purpose to feel passion that would be a nicer way of saying it that is one of those things that's kind of get hard to get your head around though right or not you but I'm just oh the rest of it I don't think I don't think you need passion to feel purpose because what you're saying is then you have to have energy before before you can have belonging and I don't believe that but you need purpose to feel passion you need to feel like your work contributes to something bigger than simply buying and selling houses you know you need to feel like you're contributing something bigger than yourself uh um and and when you feel like the days you don't feel like working and you meet that one person that it all sudden it's like having kids like you know rationally speaking I don't know why anyone would want to have a child right um I mean you don't get to go on vacation when you want to go on vacation you can only go on vacation when they have school I have no school you know dinner was macaroni and cheese from a plastic spoon over the sink like sleeping is something you abandoned for a couple of years you know you give up your life you your your marriage is very very different than it was um and your entire life is consumed by children for many many many years and it's frustrating and hard and stressful um but that one time you catch your five-year-old sharing with your four-year-old unexpectedly or when you go to make sure your eight-year-old is sleeping and you catch her underneath the blankets with a flashlight reading you know or the first school player the first boyfriend or girlfriend or girlfriend or whatever when they get into all of that sacrifices instantly worth it and so I think when we weigh the the rational side of it we'd never do anything that required hard work or sacrifice but when we're contributing to the life of someone else and we get to see that life Thrive and grow all of a sudden sacrifice becomes worth it and that's what I think purpose is it's the knowledge that our that our contributions will live on outside of us forever like it's not that you just did something nice for someone it's that they will carry that feeling and make them a better person you know in their own lives in other words you live forever through the lives of others and with children it's grandchildren yes unfortunately you have to have the children to get the grandchildren yeah I mean and then when you have grandchildren then you get to have Revenge that's it that's it maybe one more and then we're done oh this is going to be good because I know this guy this is going to be good all right Simon my name is John Myers I'm from Wilmington North Carolina um oh it's gonna be a great game tonight I'm glad you're here because when I first met Kathy one of the books that I talked about have defined who I was was start with why and today you talk about listening and how important that is and understanding someone's story if you had to choose one question that you could ask someone to help figure out their story what would it be uh so the question that I ask is I ask people where they're from I mean I I ask people about their childhood I mean I want to know people where people are from and I don't mean where they were born you know I'm like tell me about who you are where you come from and because people can you know the future is figments of our imagination um asking people about what they do now they'll tell you what they want you to hear but when you ask somebody where they come from and tell me a tell me a happy story tell me a happy memory from when you were a kid they can only remember the things that matter you know we've forgotten most of the things that we did when we were kids but we remember the things that mattered um and so those things tend to be incredibly objective so when I'm really trying to get to know somebody I want to go backwards not forwards and I don't want to talk about the present it's powerful [Applause] I let do that eyebrow thing again I don't know what I did your eyebrow almost parted your hair on that side you looked at me and your eyebrow went up that was that was nice um these days my eyebrow has to go higher and higher this has been such an honor it's such an honor to introduce you to This Magnificent group of people and just I'm so thrilled that you poured into them what you did there's so many nuggets that they can go back and apply today to the business they're doing so we appreciate you I'm going to say be golden be you because that's who we are guys Simon says thank you very much

Channel: Simon Sinek

Views: 76,909

Keywords: simon sinek, start with why, inspiration, motivation, leadership, career, inspire

Id: smkP6SAyauM

Length: 64min 49sec (3889 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 03 2023