- Andrew Jackson, the seventh president of the United States was a hard partying, hard fighting, hard crazy, ugly, ugly, son of a bitch who took the
highest office in the land because he felt like it. What were you gonna do, stop him? He'd like to see you try. When he wasn't busy shaping the presidency as we know it today, you can find Jackson out
behind the White House dueling. The number of duels that
he took part in varies depending on what source you consult. Some say 13, while others
rank that number somewhere in the hundreds. Both of which are entirely too
many times for a reasonable human being voluntarily
stand in front of someone who is shooting at them. On one occasion, Jackson challenged a man named
Charles Dickenson to a duel. The reason behind it wasn't
important, not to us, and certainly not to Jackson. Jackson was even kind
enough to give Dickenson the first volley. Dickenson happily obliged and shot Jackson who preceded to shake
it off like a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickenson wasn't so lucky. And that's why his face isn't on the 20. Andrew Old Hickory Jackson
ran for president in 1828. If you're wondering how he
got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to
carry around a hickory cane and beat people senseless with it. And if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a (beep) lunatic. Despite the best efforts of his opponents, the justice system, and
whatever force balances the tenuous order of the
universe, he succeeded. Jackson's first act in office
was to throw a huge party. Less of a civilized celebratory gala and more of a political burning man. More than 20,000 people
showed up for his inaugural open White House, during
which the crowd got so rowdy, that Jackson himself was
forced to sneak out a window. It wasn't until someone had
the bright idea to place tubs of whiskey on the White
House lawn that Jackson was able to sneak back into the house and actually start being president. Jackson's presidency wasn't
all Animal House style shenanigans, however, he
was also the first president on whom an assassination attempt was made. It was Richard Lawrence the Third who, in a futile attempt to out crazy Jackson, believed he was the
rightful king of England and that murdering Jackson
would secure his claim to the throne because,
according to Lawrence, Jackson killed his father in 1832, even though Lawrence's father
had never been to America and actually died in 1823. Either Jackson could kill
through space and time or Lawrence is simply the kind of crazy we just don't make anymore. He attacked Jackson
while attending a funeral brandishing two pistols,
both of which misfired. Jackson then turned and calmly
preceded to beat Lawrence to near death with his cane
until the president's aids pulled him off the would be assassin. If you're thinking that
Lawrence's guns misfired because he lubricated
them with rabbit's blood or somethin' else crazy, they
were inspected afterwards and determined to be in
perfect working order. We're pretty sure that the
bullets, like everyone else, were just scared of Jackson. The legacies of many great
men are measured by the words of profound wisdom they leave us. Andrew Jackson is no different. Upon reflection of his life and works, he was quoted as saying,
"I have only two regrets, "I didn't shoot Henry Clay "and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun." That's right, in a life
rich with national partying and spontaneous murder,
Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill
quite enough people, people who like Calhoun who
was Jackson's vice president. (gun shooting) - Hi, um, I'm one of Cody
Johnson's wacky characters that he does 'cause he can't
just talk like a human and do things seriously when
he wants to make a point. I'm using this one to
tell you to, you know, subscribe if you want
to one of our channels. We've only got the one, do
it on the Cracked internet. Bye! And I'm (beep) Cody. Should subscribe to it.
