- We were having period
sex last night, I guess, but she didn't want to do it because she was
bleeding too much. So she had her tampon in, and then I would
just put my penis in, but not all the way in. But just enough to feel it. It was pretty bad ass. - Wait, you felt the tampon
with the tip of your dick? - I couldn't feel the
tampon with my dick, but I was in her pussy...
- Is your dick a super, a regular, or a light? - Oh, it's definitely a light. (upbeat music) - So you were pushing a
light up against a super. - Yeah, the tamp was on
the rizzy, and the kizzy. - The tamp's like, "What's
this little guy coming in here? "I got it buddy, I got it." - The tamp's like, "Uh, you need something
with that string." And I was like, "What? "What tampy?" So we're both in there
havin' a good time. - Oh my God.
- No, I wasn't... It was up, and then I was
just kinda in with the head. - [Woman] Yeah, right. - And then masturbating inside. It was fuckin' hot. I mean, I'm just saying
you gotta figure out ways to do things, 'cause I
couldn't come from the blowie. - Yeah, you're
really resourceful. - I'm MacGyver. Yeah, whatever. I don't know what
we were talkin'... Oh, period sex. So then she was coming to visit, and I was gonna clean my
room for her, and I was like, "Oh my God, I gotta clean
it, I gotta make it look..." - [Woman] Then she
bled all over it. - Then she told me
she was on her period, and I really did, honestly, I did have a less feeling
to get a hotel room. Cause I was gonna get
a hotel room for $100. - Oh, but since
you're a filthy woman who's bleeding everywhere,
you can come into my bedroom, which my sheets are
stained with soy sauce, and there's dust
bunnies in the corner, and there's a pile of clothes
as tall as a little person, and I haven't changed my
sheets in a couple months. The only reason you have
to deal with that now is because I know you're
a disgusting woman who's bleeding right now. - Yeah.
- But otherwise, I would treat you better. - That was the thought. - I mean.
(laughter) - So, I got a
hotel room anyways, even though she was a bleeding mess.
- You did? - Yeah.
- Oh! - I was like, "You know
what, she's more than that." - What hotel did you get? - I got a hotel room at the-- - My leg is touching again!
- Sorry! - God! - It's only when
I talk about sex. - Okay.
- So it's fine. Pod Brooklyn. They're like very little rooms. - Like the bed is the whole room.
- Is it a super, a regular, or a light? - It's my penis.
- Pod. - It's small. So,
I have a big dick. It's medium. So... No, the room is
very small, it's just a... It's literally, they
figured out a way... It's like a cruise ship room. It's all bed, and then
the toilet, the shitter, is in the shower. You can shit. I literally, last night,
I shit while showering. - Nice. - And it is the best feeling--
- A dream. - ...you could ever
feel in your life. - This is after you just got
done having sex with her. - Darren, during... - Darren. - Darren. - Darren was there.
(woman laughing) He was great. - I really did, it
was unbelievable. Best feeling in my life. I'm not kidding,
you've gotta do it. - Shitting and showering?
- Shitting and showering. It's a perfect balance. You're cleaning out everything. - So you were sitting, and then you turn the thing
on and you're just like... - Yes!
- The water's falling down on you as you're shitting. - Yes. - Okay, whoa! - You piss in the shower
and that's a great feeling, but you can't shit
in the shower, you can't get it
down the drains. - Right. - Unless you break it up or you pour hot water
on it for awhile which I've gone down that road. - What road? - That's not a sewage line. - Yeah... Oh it's not? - No.
- Oh. I've shit in the shower one time without a shitter being there. - Why? - Because the toilet
was clogged... And I had to shit,
so I (mumbles)... - Sorry New York City
Water Department. - Oh my God. - It wasn't even a soft shit... - It wasn't even what? - A soft shit. - It wasn't even a soft
shit, it was a hard shit. - When was this? - Not long ago. - What? Since I've known you? - [Woman Off
Camera] On the road? - Wait, was it on the road? Or was it at--
- No. - ...your apartment?
- No! It was at my apartment
and my toilet was down, the super wasn't answering, I live in a shitty apartment. - Literally. - Go to a Starbucks. - It was far, I had
to go, I had no time. - How did you do it? - I just straight up just sat
and like squatted a little, and just shit in the bathtub. And it was a fuckin' like... It looked like... You know those fake shits? - Yeah. - And it was just-- - Wait what did you do with it? Did you have to, like... Oh Andrew! - Why does this show
always turn into shit talk? - It really does. - We should call
this Shit-Talking. - Oh my God, dude. - So I put the shower
water on it for awhile thinking it would... - Like disintegrate it? - Yeah, 'cause
that's what you do. - Yeah, erosion. - And then I think I peed
on it for a little while. It's physics, man. So I'm peeing on it, I'm trying to break
it up with my piss-- - We're back to physics. - And I couldn't break it up. - Were you laughing
or were you horrified? - Both. It was maniacal. It was a crazy time in my life. - Wait did I see you
shortly after this? How could you look me in the eye or look anyone in the eye? - I haven't looked
anyone in the eyes. This is very... I needed this.
- Cathartic? - Yeah. Is this like the shitting
in the shower of admissions? - Yes. So I go... I had to break it up,
it had to get down. - Yeah, break it up. You're like a bouncer at a club. "Break it up!" - I took a shampoo bottle that was like empty-ish kinda, and I just sorta. - Oh my God you were just like
trying to murder something that you accidentally like... - Gave birth to. - You accidentally...yes! - I made it (mumbles).
- You killed your own child. - Oh, Andrew! - How could you do that? You made it!
- My God, dude. And it took so much
longer than I thought. I thought it would
just break up. But it didn't just break
up, it was fuckin'... It's a slow death. - Did you tell
your ex-girlfriend? Was this when you
guys were together? - No, no, no. This is literally like-- - This is like a week ago.
- ...two weeks ago. - This is new, it's too soon. - I can tell by your laughter... - Oh my God, it was so funny.
- ... And your relief. Do you feel better now, though? - Maybe. We'll see when this comes out. - How long did it take for it to come out?
- What did you do with the shampoo bottle? Did you just wash it
off and put it back in? - Yes. - Andrew! Andrew, tell us the truth. - I swear. - Andrew! - I don't know. - Did you wash it
off in the sink and put it back in the
toilet, or in the shower? - I know how a murderer feels 'cause I'm trying
to trace my steps. - Okay. Think about what you did. - I think...
- It's okay. - Okay, I'm gonna
be completely-- - Listen--
- ...honest. I know, I'm--
- Good cop, bad cop. - I just threw away
the shampoo bottle because it was empty... I think. I'm not, I'm 80-20, tops. - That's how when you chopped
the shit, it was 80-20. - And then it like slowly
went into the drain, and then it wasn't all
the way down the drain. It was intense, dude. I don't recommend this. - Well obviously,
it took probably... It's gonna take weeks
for that to really go down all your pipes. - Oh, it's making
my stomach hurt. - That's all that's hurting? (woman laughing) - Probably shouldn't
of shared this. - No, remember when I scooped
shit out of the toilet, with shittens? - Oh my God. - I mean... Do you have any
good shit stories? - Yeah but I'll save
it for after this. I'm trying to remember,
I mean there was... No, I don't. I just don't. I've never--
- It was so funny-- - Oh, oh! I had to do a test once,
like a gastro test, and I had to poop
on a plastic bag and then you have to send
the stuff into a lab. So you have to put it
in these little beakers. So that was awful. So I've shit on the floor of a
bathroom, onto a plastic bag. It's the worst
smell in the world. There's something
about air hitting-- Nikki taught me this. - Yeah. - Didn't you? You were like, "I think
poop doesn't smell "unless it breaks
up or air hits it." - I feel like that's true. - If it's in water, it's fine. In Berlin-- - You never see flies. - In Berlin... - In Berlin they have
these weird toilets with shelves on them
'cause in the old days you used to have
worms in your poops and so they built these
toilets to have shelves on them so when you poop, your
poop is just dry on a shelf so you can look at it
and see if you have worms and then you flush, and
it flushes the poop down. It's weird. - Oh! It's a shelf to
examine for worms? - Yeah, so I went to
visit my friends in Berlin and I went to the bathroom and
I looked, and I was just like "Why does it smell
so bad in here?" - Why is it eye level? - It's 'cause it's in the air. It's just like on a shelf
not covered in water. It's horrible. So the smell takes
forever to get rid of and our friends were like, "Yeah, it's the worst, you
just have to get used to it." - Thank God for sewers,
man...or whatever we got there. - I can't believe we
haven't found a way to just not poop anymore.
- Suck it out of us. - Like, poop is so gross. And it's in all of us, and
we all act like it's not. - But it helps grow plants
and stuff, doesn't it? - Yeah. I think it's good for-- - This has been like
a middle nine episode. - For idiots. - Yeah, for morons. - Thank you so much
for watching that clip that you just watched. Did you enjoy it? I hope you did. If you did, thumbs-up it. Why don't you subscribe? Why don't you just keep
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