An Honest Conversation About the Fall of Hollywood | Adrian Grenier | EP 445

so I was given a little tip from a mentor who who said you have to get in the earth you have to ground yourself so I quit everything I stopped all the distractions and all the indulgences and the escape and I just started meditating and started listening to wiser people than me I started listening to you and other B it's never a good thing it worked it worked to some degree um but you know you you realize there's so many um there's there's so much information that that you can uh so much wisdom and and and education that that I hadn't tapped into because I was [Music] distracted hey everybody so I have the privilege today of speaking with Adrien Grenier he's an American actor producer director and musician best known for his portrayal of Vincent Chase in the television series Entourage which ran from 2004 to 2011 he's appeared in a variety of films drive me crazy in 1999 The Devil Wears Prada 200 2006 trashfire 2016 Marauders 2016 has an extensive career acting and so we walked through the um development of his career from the time he was a street rat basically in New York City through his education at lag Guardia High School where he studied film and acting and then through his choppy career as an actor and not an all-in actor until the time he signed a contract with Entourage and and hit the road running he became spectacularly successful as a consequence of that um and had all the opportunities that go along with Fame and Fortune and so we talked about that we talked about radical shift that occurred in his life um as a consequence of him disappointing the woman that he loved and what that did to him and how that worked out he's now married he has a son he's made a radical shift in his life he's running a a a very interesting long-term experiment he has some land outside of Boston about 46 Acres he's trying to learn how to put some of the concerns he had on the environmentalist activist front into actual practice and he's grown up and that's what we talk about fundamentally about the difference between being immature and between being mature and why the latter is actually an improvement so you're welcome to come along for the ride so where where did you grow up Adrian primarily in New York New York City Upper West Side yeah I I I I guess I moved there when I was about four years old my mom uh moved me from New Mexico where I was living with all my cousins and uh my family there and then she sort of snatched me away and thrust me into the chaos of New York and um that's where I spent the rest of my life from about 4 to about 40 42 yeah slugging it out on the streets of New York so what what did your mother do my mother was a freef flowing flower child of the 60s and 70s and she was well she was she didn't just move to New York she was really moving away from her situation in New Mexico which I didn't understand at the time did she move alone she moved yeah as a single mother okay okay were you raised by a single mother correct okay single mother uh only child in New York and now now I'm being a father I I can't imagine what she must have been thinking but I don't think she was thinking I think she was just moving it's it's a lot of work children are a lot of work it's a hell of a thing to take on by yourself yeah so what were you like as a little kid when you were when you moved to New York what was it like for you yeah it it was rough actually um I was very very sensitive kid uh sweet um I would say kind um gentle shy and um yeah I think those those sorts of things what sort of school did you go to so I I would go uh either to public school or private school depending on whether or not my mother who depending on who my mother was dating so when if she had a rich boyfriend I'd go to private private school and then when she was other people uh I'd go to public school did you change schools a lot uh fairly yeah I mean uh I went to one of my formative years I went to Rudolph Steiner uh which is like a Waldorf School yeah formative like very very important in in my development how old were you when you did that second through fourth grade and why was that particularly important for you and and I presume in a good way I think so yeah it really uh helped to Define my creativity and like lock in my ability to see the world you know not in a structured way but to like really expand out into like my ability to be creative and um nonlinear what happened after you went to the walor school so then my mom couldn't afford it so she put oh no what it was is the only drawback is they weren't teaching me how to read so I was in fourth grade and I still wasn't learning to read and their philosophy is they'll learn when they're ready and then it'll you know really take hold instead of forcing it and so I wasn't learning to read my mom got nervous she had a lot of people whispering in her ear so then she put me into uh a Catholic school with nuns and they beat the reading into me hardcore yeah so I was there for a year and I learned to to read real quick did you learn to enjoy it no no I learned uh yeah I mean wasn't enjoyable to feel pressured into it and I mean they were they were pretty aggressive those nuns rulers and stuff yeah when did you when did you start acting so I actually found acting when so I you know didn't grow up with my dad so I wasn't particularly sporty didn't have a lot of that uh at my disposal I was actually quite Meek so in in sports teams i' often get bowled over or overlooked or benched and um but I found a lot of comfort in the creative arts so in theater and it was you know about how you were feeling and and it was a lot of camaraderie and and frankly you could play in in fantasy and you know put on different costumes and characters which I took to quite well um as an after school program and I did that uh from sixth grade to to high school and then I went to LaGuardia high school which was one of the specialized public schools at in New York um where so there's Bronx Science and cyon and a number of other schools that you had to take tests to get into LaGuardia being one of them but that was focused on music art and Performing Art so how old were you when you did that was high school so yeah um 16 oh oh I see oh younger okay okay yeah you go in there I it's when I first started learning how to dress myself you know pretty much you you you go into high school and now it's like oh I can't wear what my mom bought me from the Gap I got to probably step it up a little bit be a little cooler so you were you start you started doing creative work seriously when you were something around 12 or 13 had you done that before because you you got into this High School on what basis did they admit you you audition so yeah monologues and uh you know got in it's it's you know it's a hard there's you know 3,000 kids or however many kids are they still is it still a selective school now do you know still is yes yeah but you know 30,000 kids from the city audition and they let in a hundred so it was pretty competitive that's for sure yeah so what do you think gave you an edge I don't know I always had something I guess um natural naturalness an authenticity um I always move move towards being just really honest uh so I didn't put on any performance I was just finding the parts in myself that were true to the the material and I didn't overdo it so it felt like under underplayed and real and what kind of experience did you have acting before you did your auditions after school programs did like musical theater and um uh yeah like we would put on a show it was more of an after school progr progr not professionally although you know uh producers and agents started to sniff around they started to notice me and I just always rejected because I didn't want to be an actor that's the truth I didn't want to do it as a profession uh still resisted to this what did you want to do I was more into music I think and directing film making I I I loved to so my friends and I in high school we would make movies high8 cameras you know you get a camera and you just start filming and You' cut it you would do all the editing within the camera yeah you know wouldn't download it to a machine or like edit it you would just okay ready action and then you do one take and then you change the angle and you you shoot it in sequence and you edit as you shot and this was at LaGuardia when you my friends and I uh that's what we do in the weekends we would make movies and it didn't matter if if you were holding the camera or if you were in front of the camera or if you were holding the boom or if you were climbing up the side of the building to get the cool shot you really um were able to move throughout all the different roles and I just loved the process so I was always okay being in front of a camera out of necessity because we're telling a story but um I really had I you know stories that I wanted to tell so whatever it took to to get the job done I was happy to do it but being an actor you know the the ego of of like wanting to be seen was never really my motivation it was more just to tell stories how is it that how is it then that you became an actor what happened and was that was that part and parcel of what you learned at legoria well yeah I had the skills the Bas Baseline skill you know stanislowski method and all you know all that stff tell me about the stanislowski method oh man if I can remember I mean stanislowski method was really just about natural is naturalness and um being authentic to the circumstances of of the material right so you're trying to make the part your own yeah finding that the parts in you that you come alive when you're you know because there is all of every character within us was that explicitly taught at lag Guardia like how do you I I don't know how you learn to act how did you learn to act yeah we we learn techniques um certainly and then you know that we put on scenes we put on plays um at the end of the SEC like the third and fourth year there you you do plays whole plays M but by then I was really moving towards the music scene what did you play so I selftaught so I was playing guitar bass and you know eventually started playing drums because I was autodidactic because I had no formal training I I I had per you know no rules so it's was just whatever and it's rock and roll so you know you learn three chords and you're Off to the Races um I was in a band our band in high school was called the UFOs the unidentified funky organisms and it was a lot of fun and really loved the camaraderie and the immediacy of Music whereas acting you know you go and you rehearse and you practice and then eventually maybe you get on stage and there's an immediacy when you're on stage film making is is a lot longer you know lead time for your gratification right music is like boom you hit the drum and people feel it and it's like really present and I really enjoyed that so why did things expand out for you on the acting side and rather than say on the music side I mean I know both of those are unlikely careers so I went to college briefly and I was taking film and they handed me a bunch of books to read um on film and they gave me a camera and they go go make a go make a film come back and then we'll critique it and and I was like I'm paying you to do that like my friends and I do that like why would I pay all this money go into debt for you to tell me what I can do on my own I was pretty self-motivated so I just I dropped out of school and just started doing it myself this was after leg Guardia after LaGuardia when where where did you go to college and you were there for how long a year oh yeah so you were there for a whole year but you felt that you could do this essentially on your own or with your friends yes exactly without having to pay for it right and it was you know it was a lot of money right so but you know that wasn't the main that was one of the reasons I dropped out the other reason was love I I fell in love with a girl who happened to be living in New York and would have just rathered hang out with her and spend time with her and she she influenced me to just stay it was like one one night I was supposed to go back to school I was in the city and she goes just stay and I just never went back to school um where was the school it was just two hours Upstate New York okay okay I see but so I ended up uh staying with her and that's a whole another story I mean lost kid with a girl it was just pretty d a destructive relationship how old were you then 17 18 oh yeah 18 yeah um but once I got out of that you know I I I got my first job um it was funny I was living with her I didn't expect to tell this story I was living with her at her parents house who had this huge apartment on the east side it was like Sutton Place was like the nicest place in New York and it was such a big an apartment that they didn't even know I was there yeah so we were how long were you there six months eight months a long time long time but it was the housekeeper that kicked me into gear she was said she she was like what's wrong with you boy you're a strong young boy go out yourself and get yourself a job you you need to get you I'm not doing your laundry anymore so she basically kicked some sense into me and made me get a job which was my first job where was your mother in the picture at this point I'm sure she was pulling her hair out not knowing what to do poor thing I feel so bad at at that time in her life I mean in retrospect she must have been distraught by my behavior I dropped out of school didn't have a job with this girl who is a little bit why did the girl put up with you she was troubled she was more troubled than me how about that okay and I you know I thought you know I thought I could save her and you know she could barely save myself in the whole situation y all right so this housekeeper gave you a kick she did why did why was she why did you listen to her cuz she was doing my laundry and I was like I you know it's like I need to do something I I think I don't know I just I knew that it was time and there's there's always this voice deep down inside it's like hey you know you got to get yourself together um but I I started waiting tables typical you know starving actor although I wasn't trying to act but as I was waiting tables I was very rebellious I wouldn't shave and this is back in the 90s and they didn't tolerate that at restaurants like you had to be clean shaven now it's hip like hipsters wear beards at you know as waiters then you had to be clean shaven I wouldn't do it so the only jobs I ever got were these shitty restaurants that were going out of business or struggling so I wouldn't make very much money so I had a lot of time on my hands to think about my life and it was in that moment I was like I have to make a change I don't want to do this for the rest of my life and that's when I found some motivation to try this acting thing and so that's when you started attending auditions correct formal auditions so I called I don't know if I had agent at the time maybe I did but I wasn't I was blowing off auditions I was just not motivated but in this case I was like okay I'm getting the next job that I go on next audition I'm going to book and I did and that was the first film that I so how are you spending your forget about the restaurant jobs how are you spending your days during that period what what were you actually doing oh that's that's a dark you want to go there well not well I'm curious because you know part of part of what I like to understand about people is how they find their pathway forward how they find their motivation and you you stopped going to school you were with this girl you were in love with her you were hoping that something would come out of that although that seems not to have made itself manifest so and you were living in her apartment you ended up with low paying jobs beginner jobs what was going through your mind at the time were you were you angry like no I was just romantic you know I thought like we were going to be in love and you know and there's this I guess this starving Nar starving artist idea you know we have to be you know living low to ground just like finding our food sleeping in the streets you know there's like sort of a romantic it was this like New York thing I'm a street you know I'm living in the streets and we would like we would hang out in the streets and you know find places to sleep and it was cool and I felt cool um you ever see that movie kids no I don't believe so har K is it um maybe he wrote it it's it's it's a movie that whenever I watch it it's like pure Nostalgia it's like oh my God that's exactly how it was you can just watch the preview it's it's gnarly and because they and was it filmed in New York fil in New York and they and a lot of the kids in the movie I knew cuz they were basically taking real kids from the streets and then making a little story around these hood rats you know and and these were all the kids that I knew and hung out with some of them were a little bit too scary for for my crew but we knew who they were and it was just romantic and the kids just running on the streets like no fathers you know single mothers and all these kids just finding a place to drink a beer really MH and and in New York City there are no Parks I mean there's Central Park but you're it's Stoops and abandoned buildings you know that we'd break into at this time it was still the 90s so that it hadn't been completely gentrified yet so yeah there's a cool factor to it like rock and roll and punk and um you know I met the girl that I'm talking about I met her at on the in a mosh pit at cbgbs when she was like 13 I was like 14 you know and so that was just the you the vibe the it was cool so it felt like it at least yeah well maybe it was I mean it's not obvious what you have to go through when you're young to get your head screwed on straight so well I it took me 20 more years before I finally did yeah yeah well congratulations on managing it at all yeah thank you yeah all right so are you or someone you know fighting the battle against cancer for the last 25 years in Vita medical centers have been pioneering personalized cuttingedge treatment programs for patients all over the world invita has been the leader for patients looking for advanced immunotherapy and genetically targeted therapies all while focusing on fewer side effects and better patient outcomes as a global leader in oncology care invita is committed to healthcare freedom for all they've spearheaded a revolution in employer health insurance options empowering companies to provide their employees with access to not only Top Doctors Hospitals and Technologies but also the first ofit kind Nationwide personalized medicine coverage invita is doing all of this plus offering significant tax and cost savings full transparency 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did you have did it sounds like you had more offers than you took up oh yeah I screwed up a lot of offers I could be a lot more famous than I am today but I just I always reject there's something that just didn't trust Hollywood I was always like it seems shady it seems shady I and uh so I resisted I resisted I resisted it wasn't until and I had opportunities I did but um I was bike messengering for a while like I I would would rather do anything than have to act if I didn't have to what what well that's it's strange well it's strange in some ways because you obviously have a knack for it you you were rewarded for it when you went into the selective High School you you got Parts when you auditioned so you obviously knew what you were doing and even you said that you weren't necessarily reliable in consequence of the additions but the offers kept coming yeah so it matched your ability so what was it about the well and even it it even you would think to some degree it would match the romance too you know because you were in in principle you had made films you were sort of artist on the street and so like what the hell was wrong with some success what what was it that stopped you from that do you think nothing stopped me I mean it happened anyway despite myself but I was resistant to it I guess I did not want to be someone else's Pawn you know I didn't want to be someone just like a a sort of a vapid shell for someone else to use for their stories I had things that I wanted to say in fact to just underscore the whole thing Entourage which is what I'm most known for um kept coming at me to come audition and I kept ignoring it and it wasn't until I was in Mexico on my way to Cuba I was I going to sneak into Cuba to make a documentary about Cuban hipop which I found super interesting at the time and I had about $1,000 left from the last movie I did six months ago and I was like I could probably make this $ thousand stretch to make this film come home get a job and then make the movie on the side or you know work on the side the documentary the documentary yeah and when I was there I I would visit the internet cafe this is back when you know they didn't have we didn't have cell phones and all that jazz so i' go to the Internet cafe to check my email every couple of days and my my manager he said you have to read this and if you don't come back to LA to audition you can find a new manager so essentially he laid down the law and I knew on some level that if I kept turning my back on Hollywood it would find another when did you go from New York to LA I well I never technically lived in La I always stayed in New York but I did spend a lot of time there shooting the film but I was I kept my residence in New York all right so you were doing you were doing sporadic movies correct you were obviously successful in that so that people were aware you your name got around how did how did you come up on the Entourage Hit List yeah it was um indie films a lot of indie films like Sundance darling that kind of thing I did a couple of teenie bopper movies so I had a little bit of clout in Hollywood um but here's this unique role where someone has to play a celebrity and all celebrities who would be celebrities would be good for the role are already celebrities and would never do this uh pilot which it was at the time um or they'd want more money than the budget would account for so you had to find someone who embodied like who had that that celebrity Charis Charisma there you go yeah and I and I guess part of my nonchalant and me ignoring them made them think well this who is this guy like he's you know he must be something right and when my manager sort of put the you know the law down and I I said okay I I'll come but can you send me a plane ticket flew me out and and this was this was what what year how old were you then I'm about 28 okay and so you spent nine years before before you had what would you say solid reliable continual wealth yes wealth yes and work you were working sporadically a project a year something like Mak me but you know I lived in a an apartment with a bunch of other you know room mates and so I was just living really you know Meek right right right and you weren't interested in money no I mean I I have much more respect for money now you are you are definitely a strange actor you don't want the spotlight and you're not interested in money yeah so it so that that that's a hard thing to square with a career in acting God bless actors I I don't always get along with them I think for the reason for those reasons you know when I you it feels like it's about them and what they want and they're the they're the instrument well they're the Stars you know well you know what kind of goes along with the territory I mean people in media people in politics people in entertainment they tilt towards narcissism and I'm not saying that in an insulting way I mean every personality constellation has its Associated vices you know and if you're if you're going to want to be on camera if you're going to be want to be around people that's one of the things that tilts you in the direction of it sort of being about you and and if you're a charismatic personality and you're an actor you're going to attract people around you who facilitate that development let's say and so it's it's part and parcel of the territory but you're not really temperamentally like that oh I cultivated my narcissism okay yeah yeah no I definitely found that part within me that was the character vinc and I and I you know C you know they say actors get lost in their characters right yeah and I did and how long did on Ro Run 10 years right right yeah so that's a very major chunk of time oh yeah yeah well so walk me through that so you got your plane ticket you went out to LA what happened then got the part when my manager found out that I got the part he walked in the room and I and I had no place to stay I had no car so I'm in his office checking my email again and he he walks in and he was the first person to call me Vince he's like Vince and I knew I got the part and I hung my head because I knew that it was going to totally change my life in ways that I didn't know if I really wanted and I knew that I was going to have to commit to this because he used to tell me he like you don't even know what you don't know like you're going to have access and women and money all these things he was you know managing other famous people so he understood and he's like you you don't even know you want it but when you get it you'll know you want it you know you'll know it's great and it was going to change my life and because it's a commitment when you audition for something like that you have to sign a six-year contract right right so you're already committed before they even give you the role and it did it changed my life entirely and I had to learn to be that celebrity or my own version my own expression of That Celebrity and then with the success of the show and the popularity of the characters and people would come up to me and you know instant approval instant you walk into a room and you know yay you know you get that attention that um the that just acceptance had that happened to you at all before I mean you'd had some success as a as a as an actor before that but not not not like that oh totally different yeah I mean and you were so you were about 28 you said when this 28 27 28 okay so you're not a kid when this happened so that's something so all right so now you have what in you said instant accessibility instant approval MH right tell me about the character that you played and how that tangled up into that yeah so Vince is a celebrity who's you know very very nonchalant and you know the the whole um the whole uh them theme is if this doesn't work out if all the fame and fortune doesn't work out I can always move back to Queens so it was like a perfect talk about typ cast right I mean all the characters have that's very strange we're all New York kids and you know and our and we we were all very well-cast you know but I think that's partly they were writing the character to reflect me oh yeah okay and partly that was the character that was because right so that's fun trying to distinguish your actual life from your role it was more fun to blur the lines um because you start to acques to people's wanting you to be the character oh do shots with us right like yeah okay I'll you know do some shots with these guys and I'm I like people so yeah and then you know then there's the the the pitfalls and the the women and the and the you know and I started to believe that that was the way it's supposed to be right you mean supposed to be meaning of success Vince gets all the girls and the money and the power and the fame and um and that was appropriate and good and as as his star rose my star rose and it just became easier and easier to say yes to the indulgences and I got really good at it whereas before I was leery of it yeah you get you know you allow yourself to enjoy it um um you know very easily becomes easy to say yes what especially when it's Justified well you're the celebrity of course you know you get you get the accolades you must know a little bit about that yourself I mean your this all happened to me when I was pretty old oh right so I mean I I was laboring under some degree of obscurity till I was about 50 you know 53 54 so you know I I was already fairly cemented into place by the time I that's right yeah right right and you know I I have a very tight family and a very tight network of friends and so that's also made a substantial difference to me I don't know what it would have been like to have encountered that sort of thing when I was much younger I mean I probably would have been wild especially if I would have done it before I quit drinking so I quit drinking when I was about 25 26 something like that you know and that straightens out your life pretty radically but I was pretty wild you know when I was drinking so right so so I you know growing up in New York there's a little bit of nihilism Godless you know and th this was now the overlay of my my e my ego which was see you know I am the man I you know I got the part and people are you know approval the proving of me yeah so it just yeah well it's a very difficult thing I mean I don't know exactly how it is that you can resist part of being socialized is to pay attention to what others think of you right I mean that's part of being in the loop for accepting social feedback and normally you know you're not carried around on the should shoulders of others constantly but you found yourself in that situation essentially it's like it isn't obvious to me how people can withstand that um I've talked to Russell Brand a little bit about that because he was spectacular ular ly successful and also you know um what would you say in the market for whatever repetitive um urges might make themselves manifest and so you know he's talked to me a little bit about that and he paid a I would say a relatively heavy price for that he and I might have been friends if we weren't competing for the same chicks aha did you know him in did you know him in La we we cross paths a few times uhuh uhuh all right so now you're in now now so this is very interesting you resisted this and now you're now you you were spending your primary amount of time in LA when when when Entourage was 6 eight months a year and then I go back to New York and by the way you didn't have a house in La I had a house but that I stayed when I was there yeah yeah okay okay I kept my New York address and I got mail there and my bills there so um pay taxes there so so funny enough like I um you you should you should check out I actually made a documentary so I simultaneously while I'm on this ride and I'm finding more and more excuses to indulge and enjoy the lifestyle I was maintaining a sense of my goodness by doing environmental work and starting Charities and making documentaries and I still had a band the whole time in fact the band really uh got popular after that even though we might not have deserved it otherwise um so I I still had my other life which kept me feeling like I was not not swept up in that whole thing right right but not really recognizing how much I really was um you know captured okay so then so why not be captured like I mean you were successful you got the part uh the part was successful the the um the series was successful and you have these things that are laid at your feet so what's the problem with indulging it you know I thought I was going to live my whole life uh in that lifestyle and I couldn't figure out a way like my logic mind could not understand why I would do it any other way yeah um I didn't I didn't believe believe in God I didn't you know I I was I was open and poly and you know liberal and and I thought I was a good person I really did um it wasn't until I was in my 40s and the love of my life who I was dating at the time she dumped me she and she UN in no uncertain terms said you are the worst you're you know you need to look at and she gave me a list she even did she she she was a you know she was thorough she was nice enough to give me a list take a look at how you're drinking take about how you're using sex take take a look at all these things see I lose my number and I it was almost like a glitch in The Matrix I was like you know for a second I was like what there was something off like how is it that this girl she was young you know and she she didn't like here I am the the powerful Rich famous person who is Justified in everything I'm doing because I also do charity and she's leaving me I could give her everything access we could fly PL like we do everything go around the world anything and she's leaving meh so that was like weird but I was like all right I'll find another girl not a not a problem but it stayed with me and because I loved her and respected her so much much why did you respect her cuz I knew I knew that she was honest and I knew that she was she wanted what's best for me I see so she actually loved you yeah oh well that's annoying yeah yeah and she and it stayed with me and um and you said that the charity work you did and so forth now you you're you're implying that at least in part that that was an what would you say a moral flag to fly while you're living an immoral life yeah yeah yeah um did did you know that at the time no I literally I legitimately believed that I'm glad that I'm the famous person with the access and the money because I can actually make the world a better place because I have a good heart yeah and I think this is like my mother telling me Oh you're a good you know that's a whole another Sidetrack but you know moms that love their kids they tell them they're good yeah and no one ever told me that I was bad or that I could be so I never really got to connect into the part of me that was treacherous and destructive and selfish CU I always just imagine and this girl she alerted you to that oh yeah yeah and did that happen be like were there hints of that before the breakup there was a looming dread in my life like life is perfect wait a minute why is my life perfect there's nothing wrong with my life like the I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop I'm like well is it is it death is that what I'm just afraid of or is there what is it there's something that I'm not connecting into and quite frankly um I mean I was all head I was all intellect and groin as all headand like I didn't have any feeling in here I didn't have any intuition I was totally disconnected from now you tied that you tied that at least provisionally to your mother's um insistence that you were essentially good right so you hadn't been called on your misbehavior well I think that when I was younger there was some traumatic things that happened to me that um were so painful that sort of dissociated and decided I didn't want to feel anymore this this is what I've come to realize when I've now later in life after taking my ex now ex-girlfriend's um list and then starting to investigate and so what I did was a hard thing I cut out all of the distractions all of the addictions and consumptions and you know no no no alcohol no sex you know was selib it for a long time and basically removing everything that was keeping me you know my dopamine hits high yeah were you still working on Entourage during this time no no so that this was this is after this that came to an end yes were you involved in any other acting Endeavor No in fact I quit acting during this period uhhuh I called my agent and I I said I I need some time to figure some stuff out so I don't want you to waste your time putting me up for things CU I'm I'm just not going to work for a while MH burst into tears because it was like who am I now right what am I right and that began began a multi-year process of me well first of all you know cutting out all the distractions enough for me to see what was going on inside and um grounded come down to earth and start to realize that I had a lot of pain I had a lot of uh childhood trauma that I was not you know that I that was metastasized inside of me and and so that really began my steps towards I think growing up did you know fast growing trees is the biggest online Nursery in the US with more than 10,000 different kinds of plants and over two million happy customers they have everything you could possibly want including fruit trees Evergreens house plants and more find the perfect fit for your climate and space fast growing trees makes it easy to order online your plants are shipped directly to your door in 1 to 2 days along with their 30-day alive and Thrive guarantee I just overhauled my front yard with all new spring blooms and fast growing trees really save the day with their fast delivery and professional consultation we saved so much time and hassle not having to go to a nurse and our hydrangeas and lavender plants arrived in beautiful condition whether you're looking to add privacy shade or natural beauty to your yard fast growing trees has in-house experts ready to help you make the right selection growing and Care advice is available 24/7 this spring shop their best deals online and get up to half off on select plants listeners of Jordan show get an additional 15% off their purchase with code Jordan at checkout that's 15% off at fastgrowingtrees.com with promo code Jordan checkout fastrowing trees.com code Jordan offer is valid for a limited time terms and conditions May apply and so what did that what did what did that look like growing up as far as you're concerned what what changed I mean you said you you you started to cut out the distractions the addictions the the immediate Pleasures yes and you did that at least in part because of the list this girl left you mhm yeah yeah well she was very explicit she's a smart intuitive woman so she knew exactly where where I should look so she gave me a map and I started to look and she was right you know and it was just opening up the door though and then there you know the the path was long deep and dark I mean it went to you know multi-year Dark Night of the soul and you know had to come come out the other end awkward and finding you know a new way of being in the world without all of the yeah and so so what did that new way involve what changed I mean I know you stopped like there's the things you stopped doing yeah but that just leaves well that leaves an emptiness in your life I mean that's the problem with cutting out anything that's let's call it addictive it's like well that's how you spend your time so now you stop doing that you don't even have the same friends anymore so what I realized is I didn't want to die alone I wanted a family uhhuh I wanted partnership I wanted to have children H how come you hadn't known that before my dad left yeah um I didn't you know life is scary life is upsetting I didn't believe that that was a honorable Pursuit I thought it was a tragic Pursuit the purs I didn't think I could be a good father oh I see I didn't know if I was going to be able to be there for my kid and right and yeah well you would have that doubt if your father left because how the hell would you know you didn't have the model in fact you have the reverse model well and I was selfish too like I really just wanted pleasure I was hedonistic I was seeking you know the next hit you know and not I you know I still adolesent Punk yeah I still that punk from the streets yeah yeah um just with more stuff and more opportunity right right right yeah which isn't necessarily an advantage if if if the path you're on is like scattering you everywhere yeah all right so how long did you spend sorting yourself out two two and a half years [Music] um I you know I confronted a lot and I realized that I so I was given a little tip from a A Healer from a mentor who who said you have to get in the earth you have to ground yourself like be in the soil and she I I was like all right so what I did I actually had a place here in Austin um on the on the east side I had a little Bungalow with a little camper so I quit everything I stopped all the distractions and all the indulgences and the escape and I just started meditating and started listening to wiser people than me I started listening to you and other Doubt's never a good thing it worked it worked to some degree um but you know you you realize there's so many um there's there's so much information that that you can uh so much wisdom and and and education that that I hadn't tapped into because I was distracted and so I was seeking advice from elders and counsel from friends and and starting to orient myself with people who I saw as having living a life that I think that I might want so I changed my friend group and just started dming them and and L luckily for me because I'm somewhat famous people would respond and anyway this one woman she's like you need to ground yourself and get in the earth so what I did is I moved into my camper and I lived there for a year small little 50 squ foot camper whatever it was and I started building a community garden and I was just digging in the soil and planting and digging and working meditating and cooking in an open fire and people I grew a beard and then the pandemic hit and I was like perfect like I'm already you know Solo in isolation I don't it didn't it didn't affect me at all it didn't change anything I just kept doing the work kept doing the work got really healthy worked out and um it worked I mean the the grounding was profound and that's when I realized that I wanted to change my whole life to be closer to Nature all this environmental activism that I was doing this legislation and hearts and minds and you know consumer behavior all that stuff that I was doing un environment Ambassador all that stuff was just so out there it was like outside of myself what I wanted to do was just do the work like be learn the skills to actually support the Earth like right here right now you know and I realized how much I didn't respect and appreciate what farmers do and I was like I I want them to make all these changes for the environment but I don't even understand what they do why they do what they do and why they would choose one thing over another so I said this is what I'm doing I'm going to I'm going to be the one that knows about farming I'm going to be the one that knows how to grow food and build a skill so that I can feed myself I can feed my family take care of myself and my family and what was happening on the Romantic side during this period utterly alone sad lonely and and by the way like I you know cut out porn and you know no masturbation so I didn't even have that you know I'm you know sitting there just with myself and you know and I know that I knew that was a big um distraction as well um yeah why' you stick with it well so there's one one time I was um I think I was going to can or something the can film festival and I hitched a ride on this billionaires private plane and he was 80 he was old and gray hair and he gets on the plane and he has like six hot young models with him and at the my me my mentality at the time I was like damn this guy's the man like look at him he's he's 80 and he's still got it Y and there was just a little voice in my head it's like I hope I can still do that when I'm his age a little voice and then I realized Adrien you do whatever you want whatever you say happens you can manifest you know you know that you will have that and it just it like really shuttered me I was like holy wait a minute I don't want that I realized in that moment I was like that's exactly what I don't want and so I started to rewrite what I actually why did you figure that out like I mean you said you know your first impression was it's like Hugh Hefner and his blonde chicks going around Europe I mean what fun for everyone I watched that show a couple of times and I thought might have been on that episode yeah well it it seemed like a pretty disable form of hell to me so yeah and well why well none of it's real I guess that's the fundamental issue is none of it's real there's there's and and maybe that's part of that longing that you described for a longterm relationship for kids yeah I wrestled with these questions I was like what do I really want why do I want it and you know pushing up against my impulses my instincts the carnal part of me that wanted me to keep doing the same things but as I started to re you know what it was also I wanted to I wanted to protect and take care of I wanted to be a protector I didn't want to be the one that's a really different role than user yeah yeah and and because this is coming off of the inspiration that my ex-girlfriend gave me which was take a look at yourself you've hurt me and I saw her tears I saw the pain that I caused her and when I got over the fact I like you know you made your choices yeah you you chose to be with me I told you who I was right when I started to realize that I was not taking care of her and that I was actively hurting her I didn't want to be that person mhm and then when I finally had an Awakening like I mean does she know that all this this happened to you in the aftermath of her note she does are you still in touch we are yeah is she married she is does she have kids she does we we we both happen to have a kid with the same name oh hm so okay so so run me up into that you obviously met someone well her son is my son so we ended up getting back together oh you did yeah oh hm how long did that take took a long time it took a long time so I had to you know I had to become a new thing a new person and totally change everything um and then I had to convince her that I had changed how much age difference is there between you 18 17 years I see okay yeah and she wasn't having I mean she she was like yeah right you know yeah right yeah well that sort of changed that's a lot of change yeah yeah and this was during the pandemic and she was in Europe and I had to pull a lot of strings to like get to see her and she was at arms length um for a long time and I had to consistently show up as the new me mhm while she's poking and proud me making sure that how long did you have to do that it was a year and a half yeah you know and so she put you through your Paces well and also I'm like like I'm not I'm not I'm s I'm not dating anyone I'm not distracted I will spare no expense and I will take as long as it takes for us to heal without any expectation that we're going to you know be together and keep in mind like I I've been celibate for you know almost a year or eight months and then when we're with her she's like okay well you you know if you're going to be dating anyone I don't want to even talk to you I was like all right so I basically had to double down until we um you know many years many months later finally had some breakthroughs and I I wasn't expecting to be back with her but we we fell in love again a new we we fell in love where were you when we fell in love again yeah yeah so this was in Portugal yeah and that was just the beginning of of of a new romance and um and she tested me and I and I was struggling still because it hadn't really it was new I was like a toddler trying to walk for the first time you know and and and then eventually um she moved to Austin and then we I told her I wanted to buy some land I wanted to do this life and I and I I've been holding off I've been waiting to to to to move into land until my partner showed up in my life so that we could make that choice together so that it would be ours as opposed to the old Dynamic was look at this is my life and you can enter it but like I have I hold all the cards and it's all my stuff and you're just you know like to be here right right this is now ours and and when she came to Austin and it things just clicked they started clicking it it I was definitely on the right path because everything was just unfolding in such Serendipity we went and found a piece of land it was beautiful she fell in love with it I fell in love with it and then you know now we've been we've been back together for three and a half years got married we have a kid and how old is your child almost one 11 months what's that been like you're happy about that how are you as a father huh how are you as a father I'm a great father how come because I'm in service yeah yeah and I'm that's a good deal I'm here I'm I I've designed my life so that I could be there with him and with her and and so reimagine what my life could be and it's on land we have 46 Acres we're building a little nature Community we have a number of homes we're inviting people to live there we have agriculture projects that are all supporting you know the whole project and and I get to do that work every day so it keeps me uh grounded what kind of work do you do so learning all the skills or trying to learn I I'm I'm certainly definitely still an apprentice of the land I'm you know I'm spent 40 something years in New York and now I'm just right trying to keep things alive and learning you know about you know the snakes and how to Wrangle them and not try and kill everything that scares me but try and move against it and um be brave in those moments and and fail and still keep at it and all my mentors and Farmers uh mentors and friends are are farmers and I just you know sent a bunch of texts this morning like hey there's a storm coming you know should we prepare like you know what what should we do and just getting a lot of advice and by the way these farmers are dying they're desperate for young people to care about what they're doing they looking for someone to pass down their knowledge and their wisdom there's just not a lot of people who are wanting to do that everyone wants to move to the cities and be fancy or something so it just feels good the father I never had are in the all the older men that are now my mentors homesteaders and Farmers so what do I do now I I I I work the land and and build this community and um so what does a typical day look like well you wake up I I usually take Seiko in the morning my son um and we we go out on the land he and I um let out the Ducks take the dogs and make you know take them for a walk um and he and I spend some time together until his my wife wakes up and then she takes over and then I work with the Ben who works on the land and we we have um we have our little laboratory what I call it sort of our uh place to experiment we have a food forest and grapes we're making some wine and annual Garden Food um some animals feed the animals and then also I get to still be creative because I get to tell the story so I have a a channel called Earth speed and so we're telling stories from the land and um that's a is that a YouTube channel how how does that work YouTube Instagram yeah yeah okay okay but continuing to tell stories as a filmmaker I'm making a documentary right now um so I get to both be present be with my family I get to continue my work grounding myself into hard skills primitive skills of survival and protection um and you know forget the philosophy where I think that we should all be a little bit closer to Nature and closer to each other in community um it it's just I get to build that and build that model that maybe will serve my local community and might be a model for others to replicate someday so where where is your land just outside of Austin how far out 30 minutes and is it is it near is it near a town is it truly rural I don't tell people where it is we have had I'm still famous we still we have had some soccers but um it's cute little there's a lot of really cute um historic towns in Texas so we have a historic town uh which is a 30 minute float down the Colorado River and um we have Springs and we get to sewer it because there's a lot of development out there so there's a lot of tracked homes HOAs coming in and just clearcutting everything and then putting all these generic houses so we get to actually preserve and um Steward that land as it's meant to be you know with as natural and so and how long have you had this piece of land three years uhhuh so so that's starting to be a reasonable length of time how how's your how does your wife feel about all this she is she happy with you yes she is she is she is yeah finally she's you know and she and I get to now um sit with her as she um heals the deeper layers of of of herself you know because these you know women in our culture they're on guard you know and there not a lot of valiant men holding space for them to be able to do the healing that they need to do and that's my biggest honor is that I get to hold space for her to be the best mom she can be for my son more kids on the horizon oh yeah yeah oh yeah right so that's a plan and that that's a real possibility yeah well congratulations thank you that's a good deal yeah thanks yeah well look that's that's an hour that's a good place to end um for everybody watching and listening I'm going to continue this conversation with Adrian on The Daily W side for another half an hour um I think I'll talk to him more about what he's doing with the land and what the why that's useful why that's different from what he did on the environmentalist side um why he finds it preferable to his old life so if you're inclined to to accompany us on that Journey then jump on over to the Daily W side of things it's I suppose useful to throw them the bone of your support in any case because they make these podcasts possible and they're uh pretty decent fighters on the side of free speech so that's my pitch for the daily wire for today thank you very much to the film crew here um in Austin because that's where we are today thank you very much sir for that was a lot that was a lot to walk through much appreciated and so everybody you can join us on the da daily wire side yep and otherwise we'll see you soon [Music]

Channel: Jordan B Peterson

Views: 255,643

Keywords: Jordan Peterson, Jordan B Peterson, psychology, psychoanalysis, existentialism, maps of meaning, free speech, freedom of speech, personality lectures, personality and transformations, Jordan perterson, Dr Peterson

Id: oFr1ZBftaZM

Length: 65min 19sec (3919 seconds)

Published: Thu May 02 2024