-We don't always have time
to cover all of the recent news. So here with a recap is one
of our writers, Amber Ruffin, in a segment called
"Amber Says What." [ Cheers and applause ] -You guys,
things have been crazy! Okay, first of all,
WNBA star Brittney Griner was released from prison
in Russia. And I was like, "What?!" Then Republican idiots
Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert had beef,
and I was like, "What?" Then everybody was talking
about nepo babies, and I was like,
"What...is that?" So the way it works is,
if a famous person has a child and that child grows up to be
famous, they're a nepo baby. Like Seth. [ Laughter ] -I'm not a nepo baby. -Yes, you are.
Lorne Michaels is your dad. [ Laughter ] -No, he's not. -Then why do you need
his approval so bad? [ Laughter and applause ] -Maybe he -- Maybe he is my dad. -So it turns out that,
like, every famous person is related
to another famous person. And I was like, "What?!" And people were mad about it,
but I wasn't, because I'm a nepo baby, too. My moms are Sheryl Lee Ralph
and Janelle Monáe. That's not true.
I'm lying. Just like my no-good dad,
New Edition. Okay, so for a while there, everybody was doing
that Lensa AI thing, where you upload a bunch
of photos of yourself and it spits out a bunch of
beautiful illustrations of you. And I saw those transformations
and I was like, "What?! I'm gonna do it!" But then people were like,
"Do not use this software. It owns the pictures
you upload to it." And I was like,
"Pictures like this?" And they were like, "Yes.
It's dangerous. Don't do that."
And I was like, "Don't do this?" And they were like, "Yes!"
And I was like, "This?" And they were like, "Yes!"
And I was like, "This?" And they were like, "Yes!"
And I was like, "Too late!" So then I heard something crazy. I heard that in 2023, Bill Cosby
is reportedly going on tour. And I was like, "What?!" What kind of tour? An apology tour? Why would you pay money
to see Bill Cosby? So you can keep an eye on him? Makes you feel better knowing
where he's at at all times? How are you going to sit
in the audience, like this? [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Big "no, thank you." So then something
very normal happened. A politician got caught in
a lie, and I was like, "What?" But then I found out it was Republican representative
George Santos, and I was like,
"What...did he say?" So the answer is everything! Alright, he said he was Jewish,
but then when pressed about it, he said, "I'm not Jewish,
I'm Jew-ish." And I was like, "Are you
stealing my boss's jokes?" -People were going up to
my mother-in-law and saying, "Is Seth Jewish?" And she was saying,
"He's Jew-ish." [ Laughter ] -Thievery! [ Cheers and applause ] But the lies didn't stop there. He lied about so many things that we've got to
do one of these! Look at all these lies! ♪♪ ♪♪ So then I took a good -- That was a real cigarette,
I think. [ Laughter ] Was that real? [Bleep] brought me back
to the good old days! Give me a thousand more! Seth, I quit. I'm smoking cigarettes
full time. So then... [ Laughter ] [Bleep] me up. So then I took a good long look
at this guy, and I was like,
"What the [bleep] is your skin-care routine?" My God! What are you, a newborn baby? God dang,
you got some beautiful skin. What is that, Fenty? Are you a person
or a Lensa AI portrait? I'd love to ask him,
but you know he just gonna lie. But then something that makes me
personally very mad happened. Okay, so Politico had an article
about narcissists with pictures of Elon Musk,
Trump, and Kanye, and I was like, "What?" But then I looked closer,
and I was like "What?!" Is that Meghan Markle? What in the world did she do
to be called a narcissist? Is it because
she pointed out racism? Because if that's what it takes
to be called a narcissist, you can call me Mark Zuckerberg. Also, to prove
she's a narcissist, the article cites Harry's book, but where is the picture
of Harry? He wrote a whole book, and somehow it's
his black wife's fault? They're mad
that she left Britain to protect her black kids,
but can you blame her? This world is so hostile
to black children, I was one and quit. I was 8 years old talking about, "If they're going to
treat me like this, I'm going to get a job." And that's when I started
working at "Late Night." I'm 16. [ Laughter ] Speaking of us children,
I saw this trend on TikTok where children
lie to their parents and say a celebrity died
to film their reaction, and I was like, "What?
That's awful! Whose idea was that?
George Santos?" But then I saw a few more,
and I was like, "Okay, some of these
are a little funny." So I'm going to try it
on my comedy daddy, little soccer-loving Seth. Hey, Seth, did you hear this? Soccer legend Pelé died. -Yeah, I know.
He died last week. It was really sad. -He did?! What?!
That's horrible! So then I found out
that Pelé died, and I was like, "He did?!
What?! That's horrible!" So then the funniest thing
in the world happened. I saw this tweet from
former kickboxer Andrew Tate, where he tweeted at
environmentalist Greta Thunberg bragging about all his cars
and their huge emissions, out of nowhere, for no reason. And I was like, "What?" He's like "Send me your e-mail for a complete list
of all my sports cars." And I as like, "What are you
doing bullying this child? How do you expect her
to stand up to a grown-ass man?" And then she replied
and told him to e-mail her at smalldickenergy@getalife.com. And I was like, "Whaaaat
a terrible burn!" So after that, it was over.
Just kidding. This man was so pressed
that this child burned him that he made a reply video. Now, it's like him in a robe,
smoking a cigar, getting a pizza delivery,
like, holding a pizza box. And I was like, "What?
What are you doing?" And that's where
it all went to crap. Because the very next day,
authorities arrested him. He got arrested
on like a billion charges of, like, the worst stuff
I have ever heard. And I was like, "What?!" Now, I don't want to get into
what he was charged with, but let's just say
he could open for Bill Cosby. And then in the single
most savage tweet of all time, Greta tweeted,
"This is what happens when you don't recycle
your pizza boxes." I was like, "Whaaat?!" Oh, my God. For an environmentalist, this child sure does love
scorched earth. Now, that is why it's important
to raise your child right. Just ask Seth's dad,
Lorne Michaels. [ Laughter ] This has been "Amber Says What." Give me that cigarette.
