(mellow music) - [Narrator] Funding for this
program was made possible by the Staunton Farm Foundation. Thank you. (somber music) - [Woman] Like you don't exist, as if you're not a part
of your surroundings. (somber music) - Got real depressed. It seems embarrassing to
say something like that. (somber music) - So I would start
cutting people off until eventually I
started becoming suicidal. - During the pandemic, I started drinking and I
drew about my drinking. - [Narrator] We Americans are
as lonely as we've ever been. - [Narrator] We
have an epidemic- - [Narrator] And that
isolation hurts us socially and emotionally. - Cognition that worsens when
you don't have human contact. - [Narrator] Isolation
is making us sick. (somber music) - More likely to
have heart problems that their life
expectancy is reduced. - [Narrator] Loneliness
has long been rampant among people of all ages. - I don't think I saw
most of my friends for a good year and a half. - [Narrator] And
then the pandemic hit and put even more
walls between us. - [Woman] I love you Ma. Darryl loves you, Tim and Dre. - I feel cheated 'cause I
didn't have that opportunity to sit there, to be
there when she passed. (somber music) - Think there was a lot
of underserved communities that fell further behind. (somber music) - [Narrator] It is that
feeling of empty silence, of not belonging, of
yearning for connection. Emotions we all experience
but might not want to share. - Nobody wants to show
any signs of weaknesses. At least I don't know a lot of
people who want to look weak. - [Narrator] We can reach
across the empty spaces to build connection
and community so we
don't feel so alone. - [Woman] These four
walls will cave on you. - [Man] Isolation hurts. - [Woman] We're
coming over here. - [Narrator]
Dinner's on the stove at the Ifft home in
Ben Avon, Pennsylvania. - [Woman] Let's
just put it here. - [Narrator] Three
generations will sit down for a holiday meal
together for the first time since the pandemic began. - Well be before we say grace and we'll hold
hands to say grace but I wanted to thank the
good Lord for our family, friends and for our
health most importantly. (somber music) - It was really difficult. I mean the most difficult
was not being able to come home to see my family. - I teach at a school
where all of my kids are hearing impaired
or have speech delays. So for us to wear a mask
every day, it was hard. (somber music)
(people speaking) - COVID hitting and it really
just destroyed everything. Didn't get to have a graduation until the middle of the summer. - One friend of mine's
grandmother was in hospice and nobody could go see them
and Sal was in the hospital and only one person could
go see Sal and that was me. - [Narrator] Sal is Sally
Ifft, Kevin's younger sister who lives with the family. She's 60 and has an
intellectual disability. - For years, she
attended a day program. It was wonderful. It
gave us structure. It gave her structure
and she loved it, and she loved the people that
she went to daycare with. - [Narrator] But COVID
shut the program down. Sally has not been
the same since. - Through the
experience of COVID to see the rapid decline
of life and enjoyment and knowledge and
just everything. But I think the
combination of missing out on seeing all her
friends from work and seeing all the people
that she worked with. - [Narrator] Sally is
losing her eyesight and has early onset
Alzheimer's disease. Life has always been
challenging for her. The pandemic put
barriers between her and some of the things
that helped her to thrive. - [Man] Sal just had
this recall ability that we would get on
to family reunions and I'd have to go
over to Sal and say, "Sal cousin Danny,
what's his kids' names?" And she'd know them all. (somber music) - Her joy, her
sparkle is definitely not as bright as it was-
- No, Mmh hmm- And it's hard, we just look
every day for the moment that we get a little bit, like
we see a little bit of joy. She completely relies on others to do everything for
her and with her. - [Man] It's heartbreaking. - Even when we look at seniors or people that are starting
to have memory problems problems with their cognition that worsens when you don't have human contact or
social interaction. - [Narrator] Psychologists
long have known of the thread that connects loneliness
to mental decline and now they're learning the pandemic made things
worse, much worse. Before COVID, a little less
than one third of adults reported feeling isolated,
a year into the pandemic, that number more than doubled, bringing with it a whole
list of health concerns aside from the virus itself. - [Woman] Such as? - Sleep disturbances. It's really important
that we need our sleep. Sleep, high blood
pressure has been linked as a physical condition that
is related to loneliness. Obesity... - [Narrator] The list goes on. Being socially isolated can
be as lethal as smoking. It causes heart disease,
chronic pain and fatigue. Living alone without social connections will raise the risk
of early death by 30%. And challenges like the pandemic
always land most harshly on those who are
marginalized or different. - You know, when
you're looking at the underserved communities,
there's less knowledge and less resources
for them to fall on. It would've been frightening
to think the negative effect it would've had on
individuals at that point. (mellow music) - [Narrator] It is unlikely
that Sally ever will rebound to where she was
before the pandemic, but she is fortunate because she has this large
warm family around her. - At the end, when
you look at your kids and you see what your
kids have learned from bringing someone
like Sal into your house. Sal has brought
patience, understanding, humility, laughter,
more patience. (laughs) (somber music) - [Woman] We need that common
thread of touch and talk and I think without it I think it would be a
very lonely existence. - The common
denominator is the same is just loneliness
and just this feeling of not being in control and
not being able to change the reality as fast
as we would like to. (somber music) During isolation, I
developed a drinking problem. (somber music) I was drinking
early in the morning and I was drinking all day long. - [Narrator] Andrea
Shockling is a graphic artist and also a
self-described introvert. She always has enjoyed
spending time alone but when the pandemic gave
her no choice but to be alone, she turned to alcohol. - At the time I was
working for a brewery and so the access to the beer,
which I love, was so easy. I didn't realize it
was a coping mechanism until it was a dangerous one. (dramatic music) It was a way of not feeling
alone by not feeling at all. (dramatic music) - [Narrator] As COVID
shut down the world, the usual checks and balances of time with her friends
and family were gone. - There's nobody to
stop you to comment on, "That's really fast
that you finished that." - [Narrator] Andrea
descended into alcoholism, sleeping much of the day
and having blackouts. - There were like
awkward interactions that I couldn't
explain away afterwards and that was an immediate
like punch to the gut. "You're outta control." - [Narrator] Even before
the trouble started Andrea had been sharing
her personal comics and graphic stories. As the pandemic dragged on she put pen two tablet and
began to draw this story, a brutally honest telling of
her year in groggy isolation. - I mean, there's
so many stories of the increase in
alcohol consumption throughout the pandemic and so many more instances
of people drinking alone. So it was like a cathartic
experience writing it. (mellow music) - [Narrator] Frame by frame,
the memoir captures it, the lonely days
and all the beer. - Now I am stuck
and I feel lonely and I feel kind of scared about how this is a much
bigger loss of control than I've ever experienced. (mellow music) - [Narrator] The memoir ends
with her return to sobriety. On December 1st, 2020, Andrea stopped drinking and has been sober ever since. - I tend to really
look at my growth as an opportunity to
tell a story of like where I was and where I
am and where I'm going. - [Narrator] She hopes her
art will resonate with others who turn to drinking or
other unhealthy habits to cope with loneliness. (mellow music) - It's hard to face just
yourself day after day after day without having like the touchstone of your people. So putting out those
feelings on paper through my words and
through my drawings was a chance for me to say like, "This is impossibly difficult. Hey, this is my story but your story's probably
also very similar." It would be really kind of
lovely if we talk about that and maybe lovely
for you to see that reflected in
somebody else's work. (mellow music) - [Woman] The nursing
home notified everybody they were shut down. I couldn't touch her,
but I could see her. - [Narrator] A moment like this came for many thousands of
people during the pandemic saying last goodbyes
separated by glass. - We played music,
we prayed together. - [Narrator] Patsy Bradshaw
lived her last years in a skilled care facility. Because of COVID, her family could not be
in the room with her. - Can you hear me Ma? (somber music) I'm going through a emotional
rollercoaster right now. - I love my mom very much we were side by
side like sisters. She worked at
Children's Hospital in the cardiac cath lab
and she took care of us. We didn't even
know we were poor. - [Narrator] In her 80s,
Patsy developed dementia and moved to the nursing home. Her daughter believes
the imposed isolation
of the pandemic may have hastened
her mother's decline. - She was pushed to the
window in her bedroom. The declining, each time
they zoomed, I could see it, especially in the face. She keeping her eyes
closed more often. I'd say, "Mom, it's
me. Can you hear me?" And she would hum. (somber music) 8:05 PM Monday,
August 17th, 2020. Mother's in her at
the final stage. Her respiration is down to six. I told her I loved her
and she just looked and a tear rolled down. A tear rolled down her face. (somber music) - [Narrator] Patsy Bradshaw
died in August, 2020. - Each day I went up there
and then like a home going for her and I and that,
getting emotional here, and that Tuesday I
told her, "Go home." It's okay to go home Ma. Miss B, if you gotta
go home, go home. - [Narrator] Like so many
people during the pandemic Patsy deserved a better home
going, so did her daughter. - I felt cheated because
I should have been there holding her and touching
her just to let her know somebody was there and she
could go even more peacefully. That's my thought. - [Narrator] These days,
Dorothy finds solace volunteering for
other aging adults at the Vintage Senior
Center playing music for the line dancing classes. (upbeat music)
(indistinct) It's a place to get
out and make friends. - I like to keep moving. I think that as you get
older, if you settle, if you sit you rust. - [Man] G52. - [Narrator] And if you don't
want to dance, there's bingo. - And the people here,
they make you welcome. It's like a big family here. - [Narrator] Social isolation can be especially
hard on older people. As the years pass, friends
and relatives are dying. Studies have shown that
even before the pandemic as many as half of
those living in skilled and personal care homes
rarely have visitors. Some have none at all. - When you're feeling lonely
and you're isolated from people then you start to worry. You start to think
maybe negative thoughts like "What's going on here? I never felt lonely before." - [Narrator] And it's not just
those living in facilities people aging alone
in their houses and apartments can
be at risk too. - How do we serve these
underserved, unserved and unseen older
adults in the community who don't come through the
doors of a senior center? - [Narrator] The
Area Agency on Aging is starting a program that
will go into neighborhoods to look for those
seniors who live alone and need help building
relationships. Programs like Meals on Wheels
will be among the tools used to identify those people
and bring them into the fold. (door knocking) - [Woman] Just to double
check to make sure that that they're okay mentally,
physically and spiritually. How are you feeling? - Okay. - It's not just the
meals, it's the whole, "Oh my gosh, somebody's
at the door." - I think the number one thing is just of being
afraid of getting old. (upbeat music)
(indistinct) - There is an enormous
stigma against admitting that there are mental health
challenges in this world. We just need to be
close to people. We can feel each other's energy. You can be having a bad day
and walk through the doors here and the first person that you
see can turn your day around. (somber music) - And my mom used to tell us, "These four walls
will cave on you, because touch is so important." (somber music) Touch is the human nature
from day one as a baby till it's time to go, till
it's time to leave this earth. I think I truly learned that
nobody wants to be alone. (somber music) - [Joel] It got to its worst
when I was living on my own and that loneliness,
that isolation really started to feed
back on my depression. - [Narrator] Joel
Richard's story is one of such dark isolation that he almost didn't make
it back into the light. In 2014, after months
of being alone, he tried to take his own life. His depression reaches
back to when he was 13 and his father died. - He had been diagnosed with
stage four brain cancer, but when the grieving
process went away I kind of maintained
this flat mood. So it got to its worst when
I was living on my own, I wouldn't have the energy or just the willpower
to deal with people. I stopped talking to
my mom and my sisters because my friends were seeing
me less and less and less, all I had was just
my own head space and that just kept
feeding back on itself until eventually I
started becoming suicidal. But I also was convinced
that by cutting people off it would make my suicide
more acceptable to people. And then I finally had
my attempt in 2014. - [Narrator] That's
when Joel finally reached out for help. First, therapy and medication, and then finally his
doctor suggestion that he stepped
back into the world. - I played video
games and he is like, "Well, that isn't good. We don't want you sitting
in front of a screen." - [Narrator] Joel looked
around for a group to join and landed in a most
unexpected place. - Hey guys, thanks for everybody
meeting up together today. I'm sorry I can't be
there with you guys. I've got COVID- - [Narrator] But he wouldn't
miss this game for anything. - But hey, we're gonna have
a good day at D & D, right? - [Man] Yeah. - [Narrator] He was
joining his friends for regular tabletop games. (group cheers) - [Joel] And I thought, "Okay,
maybe this is a good thing. Sounds like fun." And I quickly realized that
having a obligation each week of social interaction
was a fantastic thing. - [Narrator] The gaming group
counted on him to participate and that forced him to go even
when he didn't feel like it. - They're just
there to have fun. They don't realize
that I'm using this as a tool to avoid isolation. - [Narrator] What began
as a way for him to take that first step out of his room turned out to be the
thing that saved his life. - I didn't like to tell people
that I was alone and lonely because I was afraid that
people would feel obligated to do something about it and I didn't want people
to hang out with me because they felt obligated
to make me feel better. (somber music) - [Narrator] Joel now
reaches out to others who are where he once was. - I know how dark of
a place that can be, and I also know how oddly
comfortable that place is. When you get used to it, it's kind of like staying in
your bed under the blanket. It's a comfortable and
warm and fuzzy experience, but you're keeping yourself
from experiencing life. I'm in a much
healthier place now. I've reconnected with my family. I'm starting to have
genuine self-worth again. Yohan you fool. (indistinct). - Didn't you see the
pole sign, Yohan? - There are times
when I will stop and pause being in these groups. The one's laughing and smiling and I'll just kind
of take it in and go, "This is what I would've
lost if I had taken my life." (group laughing) - They always tell
us when they see us that they just dropped 10 years. They'll start to act like we do. Their personality
will start to feel like they're feeling younger. (upbeat music) I met Audrey at
our crochet class. - [Narrator] Julie Cleer and
Audrey Hathaway share more than just crochet
needles and yarn. They share living quarters. - So I was like, "I should just make myself
a hat this weekend." - [Narrator] Julie is a
sophomore at La Roche University in suburban Pittsburgh. She's one of a handful
of students who chose to leave typical dormitory life and moved into a
senior living facility. - I ended up here after my
freshman year in college. I was looking for
other housing options. I'm not a big party person. I like a more
quiet home setting. - [Narrator] This is
an intergenerational
residency program that places La Roche
students in their own rooms at the Vincentian Terrace
apartments nearby. Most of those who live
here are aged 55 and older, and among them are a few
much younger residents who, like Julie receive
free housing in return for helping with activities. It's a program built on the
need for social connection. - It's sometimes hard for
me to feel connected still and have a family since
while I'm at school. - I thought I might wear
the headband, but I haven't. I lost my husband in May and then my mother in
November the same year, so that was hard. - [Narrator] Julie
has grandparents
who live out of town and Audrey has grandchildren. - I rarely see 'em because they all live
in different states. I just made this for my
little niece in Ohio. - Think of her as my
adopted grandparent and we're able to share
anything with each other and usually when you
talk to a grandparent, it's a very comforting feeling and they're able to share
their own experiences and kind of how to overcome
any issues that I'm having. More people signed up this time. - Did they? - So we might get some
more people at that one. - [Narrator] Six decades
separate these two friends, both are a little less lonely
because they have each other. - And a lot of people think
that we're just helping out them but they're really helping
out us just the same. They're giving us
someone to talk to. They're sharing their wisdom, they're sharing
their experiences. - And I get a sense of
belonging and caring. - I also got french toast before and they put the french toast
inside of a waffle maker. - Oh, really? - Yeah. That was really good. - If I need to talk to someone, there's always someone
around you know, just take a walk down the hall. - [Julie] And I
think that overall we're really benefiting
from each other. - Look at her Sally. Sally. There is this invisible energy
that runs between humans. - [Narrator] We were made
to be with each other and so much of our
hurt and suffering lies in the empty spaces between us. - We have to look at
loneliness as a human emotion. It's a human experience that we all experience at
sometimes in our lives. - I think we are very,
very social species and I think we need each other. (somber music) - You know, in this
very isolating world. Just being reminded that
you're not alone through some of the difficult
things that we experience, can go a long way
towards giving you some goodwill to just kind
of get through the day and figure out what comes next. - I feel I don't wanna be
alone when it's my time. I want somebody to hold my hand. (somber music) - Yes, there are
painful elements to life but if you are able
to be receptive to it, there's a lot of simple joy
and pleasure in life too. So keep trying. - Give us Lord our daily bread. - [Group] Amen. (crowd cheering) (somber music) (upbeat music) - I think I'm gonna be fine. You know, five years
from now I will look back at this and not be excited
about my experience. ♪ You have me I have you ♪ ♪ That's enough to paint
lonesome black and blue ♪ ♪ I have you and you have me ♪ It was difficult, but
I will still be sober ♪ We've had down ♪ ♪ We've had one night we've
gone round and round ♪ - Finding someone
to play Monopoly or Dungeons and Dragons
or checkers or chess. If you can get that
weekly commitment, it's a fantastic thing. ♪ I've gone north ♪ ♪ And I've gone south ♪ - [Narrator] What would
you say to somebody who is afraid to step
through that door because they don't know
how to make a friend? Tell me how you make a friend. - Good morning. How are you? Good to see you today. That's the first step. Sometimes that's all it takes. ♪ They all point to you ♪ - Pick up the phone. Just pick up the phone. I know you have a phone
number for somebody. (upbeat music)
