ALFWC Marriage Works w/ The Searights & The Tribbetts

[Music] god let it be [Music] [Music] my greatest gift were [Music] with you i'm better be my future forever future forever [Music] girl you're the [Music] i'm so in love here with my future forever down for whatever just as long as we're together [Music] let it be [Music] for eternity [Music] i just want to stay [Music] grateful for the moment you make me emotional so strong yeah you put it all love ain't negotiable been through the darkness giving you my heart no one else can hold it i don't gotta [Music] [Music] i just want to stay [Music] [Applause] [Music] know i think that you're beautiful look what he made us tailored us to be suitable i searched for a long long time glad that i call you mine loving you feels right [Music] i just want [Music] i just want to stay right here i just wanna stay right here well i don't know what to say praise the lord everybody or grace and peace everybody um what's up no hello hey what's going on good evening everybody and we're excited to be in your home um in your car one more time at target or costco wherever you are that's right there's no good really really um connection in target we've been there you're like oh my god it's not that good okay but listen we are excited about you taking time out yes on your friday evening yeah and the weather is nice so we're not going to tarry long but we are excited harry you just went to church that's all i know and that's a part of what has kept us together marriage works and we are excited about us coming to share with couples and listen there may be someone that may be engaged yeah and we've been open up to those that are seriously i'm thinking about getting married because we believe that there is some great insight that you're going to receive on tonight yeah stories are going to hear some stories i thank you and hear some stories and um you're going to be um enlightened about some things you know we want to keep it graceful and uh truthful yes we like transparency yeah we like to just tell it all just because when we talk about i don't know about telling all but you know we can really we help other people yeah when we tell how we have overcome all i'm saying is don't make me cry i won't i'm trying to find all these people okay listen you gotta be the man you are the man yes so listen we got some couples with us yeah he's an amazing couple that's them coming out of the studio [Laughter] [Music] listen we thank you all again uh for just coming to be a part jeff and pam our ministry leaders for our marriage ministry and along with them we have the spears and the moody's they work on their team and then we have these other amazing couples the eubanks and the boys they are a part of it but this is abundant life and listen whatever we do tonight is for all the viewers for everyone that's participating we got facebook on youtube and on our streaming platform alex dot org so listen share tag text someone and say come on in and let's have some fun tonight let's have some fun yeah i'm going to pray but listen i know some of you some of you knew you already knew that ty and santa was going to be with us tonight they're going to chime in in just a little while they're going to join us in just a little while so hang in there with us okay you said for me to set it off okay i'm gonna do a quick word of prayer i don't know why i say quick word of prayer but uh we'll see what happens let's pray together father up in heaven yeah no that's supposed to pray right okay father and heaven we thank you for this day that you're so wonderful to me you're giving it to us to enjoy the beauty of grace of the sunlight we thank you for the air that we breathe we thank you for the time that which by which you have given us so that we could share with others the wonders and the work that comes with marriage we thank you lord god for every couple that's here thank you for the couples that have joined us tonight from around the world we're just gonna prophesy that and declare that they're joining us from around the world we pray god that you're enlightened that you will enhance that you will lift up in a tremendous way and that you will cause uh what we say and the things that we experience on tonight to be a part of the building blocks for every couple that will join us tonight we thank you that you're still in control all that we go through through this pandemic lord you are still in control and we bless you we honor you and we will love you forever thank you for this opportunity in jesus name we pray amen amen all right before we get started when i get some shout outs shout out it's here jessica okay wait a minute okay i gotta put my glasses on wendy here earn a husband oh yeah trees darlene tamika south carolina diane thank you thank you thank you and there's many many more that are tuning in with us and the good thing also is that people will watch this later so we are encouraging everyone to share this on your facebook page listen royce what's up y'all californians this is good well we're excited yes i'm gonna keep saying all night because i just stay excited grateful joyful this and all of that that's what helps make a strong marriage and so with that being said oh yes thanks thanks for coming in jordan all y'all they're coming all of you we are thankful that you are with us this evening so we're gonna put the ball into the hinds hands and they're gonna take us in we always have to do a little icebreaker always break the ice yeah and you know give people time to write in so they're gonna take us and we're gonna try to um answer some questions or either do something right because we don't know the answers okay well we married 45 years in a row but we're still learning okay all right so let's get started so here's our simple icebreaker for this evening so we only have a few songs that we've selected that we're going to play some of the tune and then we're going to finish the lyrics one of them if you know the lyrics because a lot of times me and jeffrey was talking about it that when you're in praise and worship you'll be into the song one day hey the way you get through the song we have a few songs we've selected that we're going to pick and i have my microphone here that we're going to play them and then i'm going to stop chris any of us could choose we we just have to raise our hands just raise your hand and see if you don't miss the words on the bottom this is going to be our new mayor of jersey city absolutely that was good we ready pastor mary yes okay so here we go all right bishop [Music] oh that's the iphone ringtone all right so i'm gonna give you the title of the song and i'll even tell you the artist okay so to give you some help so the first song that we're gonna do is you brought the sunshine by the clock [Music] can you hear that [Music] a little bit okay [Music] peace you gave me peace [Music] don't let me go in that's my city all right all right so here's the next one this one is actually by ty trevor no way i can make oh all right here we go i'm gonna put this at a certain point all right let's go from here [Music] [Music] let's go down the list everybody lift your voice [Music] no oh i'm sorry did anybody type it in pastor mary yes that's what given say courtney got redeemer sabrina said this is hilarious when you said ruler and um well somebody else said and they said that's their favorite song as well okay so okay we go let's go this is hilarious okay so here we go love theory by kirk franklin oh okay he used a lot of words brothers and sisters i want to welcome you back to life [Music] hallelujah oh is okay all right so here we go another gospel okay all right uh you might be you might be better with like um um more into somebody pj or something they might know that you don't love me okay all right love songs um [Music] who cece wanted blessing sure us jesus is [Music] [Applause] anybody don't make me piano come here we go this is love lifted me by the la mass choir singing it wow it's not all right well that's what we're doing [Music] [Music] um [Music] understand online i can't imagine us being in person jumping all over oh [Music] oh [Music] [Music] [Music] um you i can't go never look at your mouth [Music] did i win thank you so much for joining with us and we're going to go back into the studio and we're just going to get um get to hear from pastor ty and shantae so we're going to get some great nuggets tonight you guys will be back at the very end and before we close out so thank you thank you let's let's take it to the next hey thank you guys thank you guys okay hey listen it is a great joy a delight it is our honor tremendous honor to have this man and this woman to come on with us tonight you know they are unique in their own selves they are popular they are pretty celebrities and at the same time anointed they are anointed by god chosen by god selected by god for such a time as this their church in orlando florida i'm telling you these are incredible people of god we love them so been loving them down through the years we want you to hang out with us and them tonight so ladies and gentlemen would you receive put your heart put your horns together and receive ty and sante tripping yes that was so fun we was watching the game and everything we enjoyed everything good to see y'all oh man that's great good to have you oh man y'all look so good i'm telling you i'm just now i'm hating a little bit because i don't know why y'all want to be outside in this wonderful weather in florida when we wake up baby it's a field of view my god when you that's so wonderful hey listen we are so excited about our marriage ministry and um just down through the years it's been it's been growing almost stepping up and uh i believe it has touched so many so many couples i think it's helped some couples to decide whether or not they're gonna stay together or not stay together and that happens that happens that's that's a reality with with some some couples and and it's okay because it's just the way it is because if if you put the work in it'll work it's worth it you don't know what you need to do how you need to do what you need to do um think through some things uh how to deal with um confrontation how to deal with moments where you don't you don't always agree if you don't have tools in place you know and you don't know how to manage that you don't know how to uh react to certain situations that arise when couples lives then of course it's not going to work so and when we've had the man we've had the the tremendous journey um and discovering that some some work some don't work we want them all to work yes that's the ultimate goal and we also know that it requires work and i just want to say to you both you know we've been knowing each other for a long time you um have just since been such a role model for so many people i know we're old buggers and everything we are all here 46 46 years of marriage and actually for 50 years we met as teenagers and i think you guys met as teenagers as well you know and and just as all god has blessed you both with yeah yeah you know i see your your focus is your your marriage your children that is your first ministry and i just want you if you you know just speak to the people that are in tune or those that may be watching later on you know what is it i know there's so many ingredients that go into i'm keeping a strong and a healthy yeah on marriage but y'all could just share with what makes it work for you guys yes i can go first i i believe and i know it's it's all about the threefold court um without christ it can't work honestly i mean a lot of people try to do it without him but at the end of the day he's the he's the part he's the glue he's the cornerstone that holds the marriage together and i'm not trying to sound churchy but that's what it is that's real talk that's what we love that's right and um and it's all about purpose and it's all about um how can two walk together except they'd be agreed and so you have to agree on certain foundations that's true for marriage in order for you to stand on your marriage and so it's important for you to have that talk in the beginning um and um just to get to know each other yeah i think that's important and my wife when she gave well she gave the revelation that because you know people like there's not a lot of scriptures in the bible for marriages she's like the whole bible is for marriages because marriages are two individuals so you love thy neighbor as thyself your father's neighbor is your spouse uh as much as life and you live peaceably with all men the first man is it so as actually saying christ and as a christian as a believer that gives you the tools to deal with your spouse first and then everybody but what has worked for us is really communication uh honesty humility wow patience and so it's a lot of those things that people really don't want to you know deal with when you only want your way marriage it's not just marriage it's not going to work there's a whole lot of things that's not going to work so humility denying yourself to a certain degree compromising and and love to me is not the gooey you know we know that love is a choice it's not even emotional at all it is choosing to still be like when when adam sinned i'm not trying to preach when adam said god adam said he broke the trust but god still wanted a relationship with him so he said adam where archive and he made a means to still stay with him because his love was beyond the breach that when someone offends you or brings or breaches the relationship if you still want to be connected with them beyond the offense that's the extension of love and then the details to keep it mended is how the is how it works it's all individuals all relative to the relationship wow that's so that's so powerful man then that's how it worked and you know because you got to be willing to work at this okay yeah shantae stated earlier you know if listen i'm stone believed the same way as far as you better have christ in your marriage because there have been moments where you know i wanted to just speak my mind and say what i wanted to say but the whole no no the holy ghost [Laughter] and just understanding that you know for us we made a decision and i know every marriage you know have their you know well we talked about the foundation we got married we said divorce was not an option for us and i mean we didn't know everything that was going to be happening in the marriage but when we came in we came in with that mindset yeah that whatever it is we're going to work through it you know we thought about our children before we even had them we talked you know thought about our legacy so with all of that and every every challenge that we met during these um 46 years it always took us back to our commitment to god our commitment to one another right i don't know i think i think we were at you know we were young we didn't get um a lot of advice or we don't have a lot of counselling what we had which is what's what it's something that i don't see um ty um shantae in these young marriages now is we had i don't think we talked about this a lot but we had the fear of god you know i see that's right man i i think that's what right that's how we started man that you you know you said about the foundation and we didn't know that you had to build on that but we but our foundations were sure right but we figured it out along the way right out along the way i like there were some things that that we we we did not know but we have come to know there was great moments of discovery that's a good word yeah because we have been discovering individually ourselves as well as a husband and wife you know because you know we got married young and you know he was doing a whole lot of things and i was just you know taking care of the kids you know and and then i had started and i see shantae she done blossom i mean like it's just like dumb okay okay and just watching it you know how you have it hasn't been overnight it's been a process right speaking of process i wanna we wanna just i wanna just stop right quick and just personally love on y'all and thank you but we was at our lowest when we was talking divorce when we didn't know it was going we was at the bottom of the bottom we was in the gutter of the basement when we didn't think it was only one couple outside of our pastors at the time that we literally drove up to visit and sit in the house to hear the council problem uncle george mary right you all are staples in our marriage we understand thank you all for being there for us through the thick and the thing because y'all helped save you know our marriage so i want to just personally thank you all and just say we look up to you all we admire you guys and we love you all that's part of the reason why we're here and why we will always come through for you guys so thank you very much thank you we love you i want to be real for a second let's keep it real we can bring y'all along for that i just want you to know that absolutely not because that was our space and our time yeah but i had to say that with transparency yes i appreciate that it wasn't it wasn't gonna make it but you guys spoke life into us and we are here today partially because personally and largely because of what you guys poured into us so thank you god be the glory hey man okay but every time we see y'all on tv or whatever i just smile like this you know but we're just godly proud and you know i know you have pastors and your parents and everything we're just glad to be a part of the village that's true so let me ask you this let me ask you this question this is where we're kind of shifted over to that to that arena what what things did you discover about each other that helped you to come to this place in your marriage and and like mary says like when we see you guys man we are just so happy and we you know what we see is is very real authentic yes it's very authentic and it and it's so meaningful and you guys are some real shining stars on the earth amen for you know mary we've been married for a long long long time and you guys are america how many how many years has it been for you this is our this start this is our this is 24 for us yeah 24. december 24 so what what things you you you did you discover maybe about each other maybe about yourself as an individual well i know what i discovered i discovered strength like i didn't know that my husband had as much strength as he had wow yeah and um i always tried to like cover him and protect him and not like if i was going through something personally i wouldn't bother him so much because i didn't want to put too much on him and stuff like that and i started discovering over time that he was strong why would i send him to me and not him not be strong enough for me god knew he knew the foundations of the world what i would need in a man and a husband and i and i saw and i didn't i just saw strength after a while and i'm like wow i can i can tell him my problems i can bring him you know the weight that i feel and i can i can open up to him and he'll understand it and he won't cast me away or throw me away he'll he'll receive me and he'll he'll he'll work with me and he'll sit there for hours no matter what he'll talk me through so many things and a lot of times you know husbands don't won't sit there and just work it out with you especially emotional things they'll be like oh well she'll be gone because i come from that type of family where it's like you know they'll be okay your mother yeah your grandmother will be okay but he sits there and he waits with me wow for my deliverance and from my freedom and stuff like that so i just discovered strength in this man i didn't realize i didn't realize how much she was caring because like she said she would internally adjust because of her childhood and you know neglect she grew up without her father uh you know her mother had her at a very very young age and so she just developed in a certain way where she just internally just you know had all of her emotions all of her thoughts and she would just move based on her conversations with her and i'm just like so when she would blow up on me or whatever i'd be like where else where's all this coming from but you know it was a lot of uncommunicated things i'm very expressive as the whole world knows [Laughter] extrovert extrovert y'all saying if i'm sad so but i'm very expressive and she was very you know covert i'm very overt so i'm thinking you know you just just without that communication so just learning her was a joy to me and i'm like babe tell me that tell me what you we tell me about abilities i'm here for that i'm that's why god called me to be your husband i can handle that and cover you and love you and i want to i want the real you you cute you fine and you know what i'm saying i love all that let me get something real good i love all that but i love you and i can't love you if you don't give me you if you give up if you give me this shantae i can't love you so just give me you you know what i'm saying and that's one thing we really really learned about each other well yeah i really learned how ambitious i was uh i didn't realize because i come from being bullied and mocked and talked about and you the buck two black skinny dudes i just wanted everybody to just like me so i would live for everybody i would do anything just a people pleaser for the most part and that just carried over into the industry as well and i just wanted to be liked in the industry i want the awards so i became so ambitious i began to neglect you know home just because they like me they really like me yeah but i had to learn that and so that was very humbling as well and it is something every day even still being in the industry which is all about you and your brand and how you look finding that balance you really really really saved me from the clutches of what the enemy what the industry combines you with you know what i mean she always keeps me grounded it's always like yo you know what i'm saying that's why i i always tell her but i got a real one like you know where it's at you know where it that is so important and we just appreciate you both just being just honest as we stand tonight and transparent because one of the things we talk about me and my husband is being naked and not ashamed it's not always just the physical but just the emotions that you know i've said to you know for me my husband is my best friend i know everybody you know that way but this right here we got to learn them you can get a better one in there [Music] but it was like grandkids are going to be laughing at us when they see this but it's like i just feel i can share my heart with my husband um just whatever i'm you know experiencing and you know and i guess communication we said it to every couple that's watching those that are prepared listen you got to be able to have some long nights because we've had long nights and morning early morning my husband's like are you you finished yet no but this is what i was thinking of moving i'm living hey you know you know now you just feel better right yeah and you need a safe place you need a safe place because everywhere is not safe your best friend again to church or whatever everywhere is not safe so you need one safe place at least and that's what i got from that security and it's like once you get that you feel like you can conquer the world it's the safe and secure yeah you said something earlier and we go by those three words a lot as we go from the ten lepers you know i mean as they went they were healed and a lot of people want to be healed before you move or progress but sometimes as you go it it happens and the healing happens and and the restoration happens so we live by that if we all got it now as we go god's gonna work out all the things concerning us and that's because we both believe that together exactly and we talk about that agreement you know and one of the things we have learned and i'm quite sure those couples you know um you know not allowing that silent treatment you know to be long periods of time and not speaking to one another because you give room to the enemy so we had one incident really um doing i think we had just had erica at that time and um you know we had a little heated disagreement that night and you know and i'm just like you know i ain't saying nothing to him i don't want to say nothing to him and you know and we now went now in front of the kids we we going to keep it together because okay but we in the car we gave him one word like okay yes no maybe so is and you know what i learned that you know i'm not going to use it as a weapon against my husband exactly now we just know that it is important to keep our marriages first so i know i want to ask you both what is your communication style with each other i know we kind of tapped on it just a little bit do you have a style if you can even say it or just you know what how do you feel that you guys communicate to each other a communication style we're just chilling yo we keep chilling we be talking to she like yo bro cause i'll be like she like the first 100 times she was like i'm sorry i'm calling you bro i'm like nah you in your bag what up what happened it's so and that's what i want without any no however you feel it however you are i want who you are i don't want a polished thing of made up this if you want to say bro my dude if it come out like that not saying that she always do that y'all yeah but it's very relaxed very chill because we've had to perform for church pentecost apostolic but we had to perform i got to perform on stage i got up a bunch hey we take the all that's off this is me right now take it or leave it and we've come to the point now where we're like we ain't going nowhere i ain't going nowhere you know if it's a disagreement or something i'm just we just basically like okay how's this gonna work out lord how is it gonna work out because it has to work out and it will work out but i think our communication what do you think about our community it's real it's casual yeah it's real cheap and not in a disrespectful way or not right at all right the peaceful way i mean you know like her voice can't go but yelling at the kids like can you yell at them for me i got it he made you both for each other literally he knew and that's one of the things we know i see with us is that you know i always tell them like i am your number one cheerleader okay like i my husband has you know evangelized and adam sat and heard some of his same messages like eighteen hundred times okay like it's my first time hearing it come on chante that's right hold on which sermon are you talking about exactly right never mind never mind but i wish you would but it's because you're in tune with each other you know i mean there have been times that when he's preaching i'm texting him something you know i'm just like i got a nugget that got from um you know hot off the press and i'm and i'm not texting it for him to say my wife just sent it i'm texting him when he get it when he do it i'll be like you better vote yes exactly like then i gotta i gotta i gotta pay her for it when i get home that's right i i did one step further i'll put a mic right by her seat whatever you got something to say that's it right there it's that one flesh that one flesh thing finishes out the sentence that you sit in the same flow and i love it it's that it's that teamwork yeah i know you say it makes a dream work but it makes the marriage work when you can celebrate each other you know you know there's no competition and i see that you know the two i'm sorry yeah you shall become one and it's the process of becoming one that's the tension and the the friction but if you understand that this friction is to become one you'll make the little adjustments and you know what i'm saying and that's what i love about us i feel like we are really one and becoming even more of one and i'm like lord i love turning enough i love what um what you said earlier tell you you said you know you just wanted her to give you her just give me you don't give me the the fake stuff don't give me the stuff that you know got our each one's attention or whatever when we first just give me the bear you i don't i don't know if if um these couples are are ready to receive that from each other um i i i think that's a really powerful i think because most people have their expectations of the person yeah yeah so the person just sir i'm just going to serve you your expectation to me so we can just stay together so whatever you expect from me i'm going to be that shantae i'm like forget what i expected but i said i like what i like when you wear that i like when you say that forget trying to serve my likes what what's the real you in this moment because i'm already you know what i mean i'm ready to expand my love for you and i'm ready for you to not have to perform for me now you got to be ready to let down or just open up and release your expectations it's kind of like following god deny yourself yes open up yourself to whoever she's going to be or they're going to be to you and be ready to love that because it ain't really love if it's everything you like exactly yes right it's challenging when you set yourselves with such high expectations and i think it works both ways and sometimes they're unrealistic expectations people have of one another and we just hang up before not hang up but i want to give a shout out to pastor sabrina ellis um all the way from ohio we love you sis thank you for being on with us tonight love you love you love you and all of you that are with us tonight you matter to us and we appreciate you being a part um but just that unrealistic expectation yeah because when you set expectations that i can't reach you can't reach we both become disappointed sometimes all at the same time and we don't know why and it's all because we set these expectations um with each other that we could not meet [Music] and sometimes we both realize that i may not have the capacity to give you what you want right right because of our upbringing my my history my learned behaviors and so i'm still working on mary and i'm just so grateful that he was patient with me um no not only god but my husband and now with me as i see um ty has with you shantae allowing you to be your authentic self i mean that is value i said that's valuable high level with us you know and you both are founding pastors and you know my husband just said they do you i got my own tamarind okay i'm a cameroon girl okay i can't sing okay i understand i know my role but you know but then ain't like man you got to be first lady you gotta see that you gotta be cute you gotta do i know do you boo whatever you want you know what i'm gonna tell you a little i'll tell you tell you know we've been together for so long we've been passing this church for so long there was a um a time in our our pastoring at abundant that i had to i had to meet the challenge of what was going on in my head in regards to our relationship because what was happening was the church was becoming more and more her responsibility that she would meet so many people's needs and she's really good because she's a nurturer that that's that's good yet not but but yet at the same time i felt that i was losing her there were times when i would come in the meeting and i would i would say you know hey listen hey people i want my wife back yeah man i need my wife for real and i you know she's anointed she's called she she's got an incredible calling on her life she does tremendous ministry with um with uh pastors wives and just just members of the church i'm telling you members of the church they love her because of her nurturing anointing her nurturing natural ability to do what she does but there were times when i just wanted her to hey come on i need you to be merry i don't need you to be the woman of god that everybody just keeps calling you to be i don't need you to be martha [Laughter] jordan and i don't want you to stop being that right but it's just really getting the balance there it is going i'm getting to that listen babe we going to victoria's secret tonight okay we going to get something okay we're going to bring it in you're not talking about the saints tonight in the past hey they're here they're going to be here when we get finished but it's all about us because before it was the church before it was the kids it was yours that's right i'm looking up to you i'm watching you and i see grace and everything and i've always been watching you uh sweetheart and i love you and i love just it's it's like your husband said it's so natural you're so accommodating you're so yeah you're so all of that and people gonna pull on that and and she knows from personal experience too yes i'm looking at it exactly you just want to please everybody and you know you can't i know you know she literally got physically sick physically sick hypertension high blood pressure meeting everybody's needs i can't say no to anybody i don't want you to think i'm above them we like celebrities we gotta so we're gonna come everybody's needs can you tie my shoe can you pay my rent can you start my car [Music] and everybody loves shantae because they know she's accommodating and and i you know i had to say the same thing bishop said like hey hey we need the balance here because people just want to pull and pull and take from here you really was suffering business i was suffering physically and that all stopped once i got the balance and once i started focusing on my first love and my first purpose is to serve my husband you know i can serve everybody else and come home and too tired to serve him that's not that's ungodly that's so when i started looking at how god sees marriage then i started taking my focus off for everybody else and putting it on him and being there for him and i just started feeling better period started feeling better and um and then everything else lined up she just started this boutique she wrote a book called renovate you know what i'm saying yes so when she did that everything like kind of aligned you know he's kind of like seeking first to kingdom and all these things to be added it's kind of like that's kind of like that i'm not the kingdom at all but i'm just saying you're the king okay well we yes and and that is so important and so tonight we just want to continue to speak life into marriages we know again as we stated marriage requires work um it's it does yeah it's no it's no way you know people you know see us and they be like oh my god i want what you got and we thank god that you know we're able to be because our marriages are supposed to mirror the image of christ that's what our marriage is supposed to do yeah and you know not to be selfish and and we want to bring glory to god through our marriage um so with all that being said but we know that it took work you know because where you at now it's not the same way you know i always talk about evolution and how we evolve yeah when i say i'm talking about evolving you know you came from jesus and you know all that okay but i'm saying that because i've evolved i'm not the same girl i was when i got married at 18 years old i didn't know myself right at 18. i knew her hallelujah but i did it you know and i had my kids at 21 my first child and my next child at 26 so it was a lot i was really trying to learn about me but i was so busy trying to make sure that he was you know he was good and i had a corporate job so it was a lot going on until i really took some time to say what do you really like mary you know and when i was able to share that with my husband he said well babe we can make that happen you know want to say it because i was like well you know i know you got a lot just like you said chante you got a lot going on yeah but we got we got some good good husbands [Laughter] i love it i love it [Laughter] but again you know this has been good so many people have been um somebody said i need a great comment somebody said i need a wife lord bless him in jesus name i'll help him yeah he's that proud of the wife of a good thing and we and we just want to say can you just um just speak just real quickly to somebody that's you know they're engaged they're getting ready to get married what would you say to them to somebody that's engaged yeah yeah let me get married you know oh no marriage sometimes marriage advice is sometimes challenging i'm not gonna say your heart sometimes challenging just like telling somebody how their relationship with god is gonna be it is so personal it is so tailor me it is so uniquely fit like a like a it's like a fingerprint everybody's going to have their own identity as it pertains to what a man what your marriage looks like i can tell you general principles but i'm married to shantae tai is married to shantae so who ty is has to you know become one with who shantae is so that advice might not be the same for you but i will say uh again communication communication the the secret place and the things in your heart honestly upfront communicate your expectation i say communicate your expectations and agree on it before you move forward i expect this i like this i think communicating expectations and agreeing before you move is one thing yeah that's paramount good and also confessing your faults the bible tells us to confess our faults one to another a lot of times um humans we always gravitate to our strengths and so when we're getting to know somebody we only show our strengths and god knows that there's not enough grace in just showing your strength so if you're only perfect in front of this person where's the grace it's not enough they won't they can't exude enough grace to you right but if you start humbling yourself and start showing a little bit more weaknesses and just like he said communicating your weaknesses just as much as your strengths then the other person would would be more susceptible to you and they'll it'll be easier right you know what i'm saying when you confess your false one to another you see that i'm weak you weak and we're like oh we can be strong together yeah you know what we're saying but if you're always strong how can this person give you the grace that you need when they don't know you need the grace and i think yeah and marriage looks like the wedding day but love looks like the cross you know what i'm saying ugly bloody grimy tough scar you hurt you look like faithful all the wounds of a friend kind of like that because if your your spouse is going to be your friend as well that faithful on the wounds of the friend marriage love looks like the cross are you willing to to accept that type of you know what i'm saying journey it's going to be you know it is going to be beautiful at the end he makes all things new you know what i'm saying but for the most part it's a it's a tough it's a tough bloody process but you got to be somebody got somebody yeah somebody is well worth it yeah that's the key that's the key you're done you're done you're done anyway you're talking tonight you better stop playing all right somebody is worth them scars somebody is worth ooh she said it kind of harsh but maybe she didn't mean it that way them hits and them offenses that you're going to get personally whoever is worth that is worth their hand in marriage but you can't look at the hips and the lips and the pocket and the only that's a good that's good icing on the cake but too much icing will make you sick and unhealthy oh my god it's that substance that substance you know what i'm saying find somebody worthy or worth that tough times man and you i think you'll have a good journey from there i believe excellent hey listen there was one person that um made a comment and they said that my marriage is struggling right now and i wanted to just pause for a second and and just say to them no marriage is made in heaven marriages are made right down here on this earth between two human beings and when you lose the the concept the understanding of human beings that's when things start to really become um out of control and unable to fit or to work or to happen the way you want it to happen the real love the real joy the real peace so you got to consider who you are consider who your spouse is and there's another thing that i think is is so important is that you gotta you gotta ask the lord to really give you patience because work means time and time means work to put the work you got to put the time in which you got to give yourself time if if there's a struggle going on you got to give time to get restored to get healed to get back to where you want to be or better than you were so i just wanted to say that um to yeah you could answer that and then didn't she add to that then ty and something i would love for you all to pray for there's so many things um people are going through in their marriage if y'all would give us a final prayer over them i would we would greatly appreciate that we're coming to a close-up but maybe you want to say something i i think and also you know as you all know bishop and i and and and pastor detroit they we all church babies okay um and we we realize that you know our as power in prayer yet also therapy counseling is vitally important um i think i stated earlier they didn't have that for us when we got married in 1975 so i believe jesus and therapy goes together to somebody that can help you navigate through these challenging moments you really you gotta i mean and as ty and ashante said tonight you know the the time they came to us you know and you know we asked god for the wisdom to you know help them and guide them and when they came and pulled out their heart they saw the need they wanted their marriage and because when you're struggling sometimes you don't always you don't understand each other at one point at some point you know so you go to somebody they got the wisdom and they'll pray over you they'll sit down and talk to you i mean and they'll help you and then let me just say this and when you go to therapy when you go to counseling they will give you homework or assignments that's the work you got to put in you know because we come from so much baggage before we even got married some of us came marriage we had louis vuitton bags i'm not talking about purchase i'm talking about them expensive bags that expensive drama that is this drama that we brought into our men gucci when we got married but we bought the big old luggages with us y'all for real and so when you go go and you know and and sit down and just hear your husband's heart or hear your wife heart and let somebody be the mediator to help you and i would advise a christian counselor yes to go to them and really get the help because like we all are saying this is a process what you see 24 5 years 45 years listen we are on the good end of it yeah yeah i had to work through it now let me just say this i'm gonna speak to this that's good but we're on a good ending we don't know what what and and overall you know we haven't had it within like crazy you know crazy crazy you know cray-cray crazy and everything but we had to learn you know i had to learn you know sometimes i said bear your tone baby how are you talking to me like you know he's like i got you i swear what is that you must have got that from your mother i don't know about coco we're not in the choir she had to make it clear to me you know how how that was uh how that affected me affected her you know how and and you know and sometimes it's just a quick adjustment come on tune it say something we're saying that communication is paramount because you know you have two individuals then you got god but then you got a real enemy too you have it you have an enemy and the enemy fights in our thoughts casting down imaginations and everything so somehow the enemy has access to our thoughts oh you see how she talking to you that's disrespectful that that it's the it's the whispers you hear what so communication is vital to get some demons that are suggesting things about the person you love so it's to get rid of it's like well it feels like so and a lot of times we go back and forth because of what we think about what you're saying but if i say what i'm thinking instead of responding by how i'm feeling you understand what i'm saying so oh that was disrespectful i felt this instead of oh you ain't going we don't say that sounded disrespectful we just respond because we think that sounds disrespectful so here if we can get to the place where we can bypass emotion and get to the thought that's fueling the feeling because there's a thought that fuels the feeling we just know the feeling i'm angry well i miss my train okay well let's deal with the thoughts that fuel the feelings instead of being led by the feelings and that's why she's saying the counselor and the therapist they help you you know dissect the thoughts that lead to the feeling so communication just picks apart those strands that you can that's the enemy oh i thought i was i thought you was tripping i thought you know what i mean you can you could dissect the strands through communication communication alone can bring deliverance right it can bring god i am going to preach that i got it from you first time go see your toddler but listen thank you thank you thank you so much for just your impartation um just the revelation that you shared with us it's it's my husband always say because it's the transportation that's going to cause the manifestation come on somebody and i feel like okay and we need to go on vacation right how about that yeah yeah yeah i love it and i want to say it's all you got to have fun in marriage before we end it and i know a lot of people see us this is real it's authentic you know i ain't trying to make up nothing it's just too much work to be fake to be fake but i really like being with george cornelius c wright he is my friend and he i mean i i just love him and i just thank god for him and i love you and shantae and i love y'all tonight and i really wish we didn't have to but we you know we'll come back we'll come back at another time yeah we had we had the hattons like three three months in a row they was just like popping popping so i was like oh we we gotta get the trip is now come on but thank you guys for watching because i know y'all busy what's happening you know i got you guys okay would you would you would you um close us out in the word of prayer um either one yes yes sir um father god we just thank you lord for um what you created the union of marriage god we just want to just thank you because you said two is better than one and lord we believe that god and so we pray god for any marriage um or anyone that's listening on this line god we pray for everyone who's listening god we pray god that in the name of jesus that if there's any confusion in the marriage god we pray that you um because we know you're not the author of confusion god so we pray that you give us wisdom give them wisdom understanding allow your holy spirit to just teach god allow your holy spirit to lead us all into truth god because we know we can't be led without your spirit god so go into our hearts lord individually god and start speaking shut the light on the dark places of our hearts god so that we can all easily become one um you said that your yoke is easy and your birth god and so we know that there's still a yolk and but it'll it'll stick it can be easy guys absolutely and so we know there is a challenge but it can be an easy challenge yes with christ on our side god so allow that chord to be braided tightly god through christ through and through the spouse's god so we pray in the name of jesus that you will touch our marriages and anoint our marriages god that our that the christ in us will shine through our marriage as god and that we will be able to shine to other marriages god and let our marriages be light to your kingdom god for we know that we are your children by the love that we have in the name of jesus thank you father we just speak life we speak respiration we speak healthy communication we speak because we speak healthy finances we speak in the homes in the name of jesus we pray god for humility let us not see the plank in our spouse's eye you know and not the dust or the dust that's in the spouse's eye and not the plate that's in our owns in the name of jesus let's be humble enough to realize our own fears our own insecurities our own dysfunctions so we can accurately communicate with our spouses purely in the name of jesus i thank you for restoration thank you deliverance and thank you for wholeness in every marriage in the name of jesus your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven in jesus name we praise amen amen thank you thank you listen before we really shut it down hey rachel can you bring everybody [Laughter] rachel can you bring everybody back in is that possible oh my god we're missing the boards oh let me just say this real quick in total we have over a hundred and they are we have over 165 years marriage on this screen okay okay stay on the screen okay bam yeah i got you actually if you don't act like you don't know us act like you wasn't with us on this night it has been proof if you are with us so listen thank you those you that are in orlando florida make sure you make your way over to to live that is an amazing ministry there often leadership great family life i just love it and we coming down very soon we're coming down and y'all coming up we're going to work this out i love you i love all of y'all okay and abundant we you know no more registrations this this sunday we'll open it up let's have a church we're going to have church together but you still got to put your masters on here in new jersey yeah and you still got to um get your temp checks but you ain't got to register no more this is the first sunday so let's come up regularly come on we getting ready to bust it out we're getting ready to do kingdom agenda soul's gonna be saved marriage is gonna be restored family's gonna be healed come on somebody's gonna get married and they've been married praise god okay okay we want to thank you heinz thank you all so much for being here the leaders thank you for your team all the team members and we look forward to seeing y'all in church on sunday morning the name of your church live live live [Music] [Laughter] tonight y'all need to make sure we take it all right okay right now i don't see no children good night everybody [Music] so i just want to stay right here [Music] i just want to stay right here [Music] you make me emotional so strong yeah you hold it all love ain't negotiable [Music] baby

Channel: ABUNDANT LIFE FAMILY WORSHIP CHURCH

Views: 376

Rating: 5 out of 5

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Id: J7NGZhyXqUY

Length: 73min 36sec (4416 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 31 2021