Agression Benefits | Irina Barzhak | TEDxNazarbayev University

[Music] I'm conflictology I prevent people from having conflicts but once I was participating in group therapy and my groupmates told me this you have a lot of aggression in you but how come me and aggression I'm miss going hearted I haven't said anything bad yes yes a lot of aggression we feel it behind your smile but how could it be I hadn't had any conflicts with anyone so why but their opinion was explicit I had an aggression in me and all the participants could noce it my aggression was like a shadow follow of me which I couldn't see I was devastated do I really have aggression that I don't notice but people do for a while I even dreaded communicating with people I thought a completely positive person yet my aggression was running ahead of me affecting people the way I couldn't think of I developed depression I stopped communicating with anyone I was afraid of myself and I started to read a lot I work with my therapist and I explored an aggression as a phenomenon I was ding deeper and deeper into the topic until I got to the core of aggression before I continue my story I have a question for you who thinks that they're aggressive nobody right but let me tell the truth we all have aggression inside us yes yes youve heard it correctly we all have aggression inside us and it expressed in different ways though the notion of aggression only sounds B and harsh in fact we can't survive without it our body produces adrenaline neur adrenaline and cortisol as reaction to external triggers just imagine if a child didn't have aggression they wouldn't be able to pick up a tire food to pick anything up they needed strength and energy aggression is the source of stress and energy and they needed to survive frud and other followers of psychoanalysis said that aggression is in fact the basis of Vitality that is the life force of a person aggression is neither good nor bad well it's bad only in case it transforms into anger and Brides other people's personal boundaries in other words aggression in something negative only when it affects other people when we start to beat them or yell at them or thrown t on them P tantrum or something like that also aggression turns out but when it's suppressed when we we don't express it anyhow and it stays deep inside us it's called self-aggression it involves or beating ourself up or self accusation likewise the most charming and kindhearted people I've met we are the [Music] harshest yes yes we are the harshest toward themselves self-aggression is extremely vicious in that case because it turns your energy and thoughts into exhaustion Loop inner aggression creates all outer aggression and it's turn again into inner aggression for instance you done something wrong and you started to blame yourself over and over creating the endless inner monologue and it leads to new mistakes and new conflicts and you again start to blame yourself for doing that this endless process exhausts you it destroys you it is exhaustion Loop however aggression contains a great deal of energy as we all remember from Physics course energy is neither created nor destroyed it transforms from one state into another so what we do about it and how could we use it the first thing to do is to accept it confess to yourself I feel angry and allow yourself to feel angry I feel angry when someone breaks my personal boundaries I feel angry when someone forces me to do what I don't want to I feel angry when someone points out my weaknesses I feel angry and I have my right feel angry and it's very important to give yourself that's right wait should be the others the same right yes but in response to their aggression you can definitely protect your own boundaries but you should be careful it if someone forces you to do what you don't want to it would be great if you said confidently I won't do that because I'm not comfortable with that it would be great because you learn how to set your own boundaries now I want to return to the fact that aggression contains a lot of energy they we needed to make something new to succeed to make a breakthrough if we use up all of it to blame ourselves where will you find energy for breakthrough but what do we do that well because because we used to it we blame ourselves as a preventive measure to be avoid by blaming by others maybe your parents uh would blame you a lot in your childhood or maybe you were forbidden to express your aggression as a child it could be the reason for many problems like bad habits excess weight cognitive disorders and addiction by the way imagine you are a child and you are forbidden to express your aggression towards your parents and you are forbidden to say that your parents are wrong and the amount of energy suppressed is huge so what does a child do in response they learn how to use it and everyone develops their own recipe but most children choose to blame themselves instead of blaming their parents they develop the following logical assumptions if my parents can be wrong it must be me who is wrong it sounds logical very logical in a child's mind but now we are adults and we need to change that we need to stop that self-aggression what does stoping self-aggression mean it means if you made the decision for some reason in your mind it seemed to be right choice in that situation and now it's a good idea to figure out what the reasons we are without blaming yourself without beating yourself up another thing when your aggression is revealed you need to make action about it you need to implement it somehow your aggression is the source that you needed to make a breakthrough and it is exactly your aggression will help you let me give you an example there is a student of mine who is entrepreneur and he had to make some calls import calls calls that he hesitated to make until he got angry about something his aggression gave him courage and determination and his Fearless determination helped him make the otm calls and he was a success he was a huge success that what I mean by saying to implement your aggression somehow another example here is this friend of mine who writes poems yes even poets have aggression in them she said that your best pieces were created under the influence of your aggression she said and I quote the heights I have reached wouldn't be possible without my aggression once you feel angry start doing something R them Rite them Implement your aggression the only thing is never apply your aggression towards yourself or towards others yes you can protect your personal boundaries and yes you can protect your right to feel angry and yes you can protect your right to implement your aggression but no you cannot breaches other people's personal boundaries ask yourself two question every time you feel angry or feel doing like something aggressive what do I do about it right now where can I apply this energy especially if someone forces you m I feel angry that fact that you accepted is awesome and it help you got in contact with you since that group therapy I've learned this contact with my aggression I know my aggression like Shadow follow me wherever I go but I can use it to my own Advantage I can implement it the algorithm is simple feel your aggression accept it and ask yourself what do I do about it right now and your aggression will guide you to mind blown results

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 338

Keywords: Behavior, Emotions, Empowerment, English, Life, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:55984]

Id: YcXVrQkocpY

Length: 14min 45sec (885 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 12 2023