Adults, What is something you should have mastered by now, but failed to do so?

adults what is something you should have mastered by now but failed to do so every time i bite my tongue or the inside of my cheek i'm reminded how i still have not mastered chewing after decades of chewing daily if it makes you feel better you have chewed things hundreds upon hundreds of times this week alone a bite of steak might be a dozen or more chews and you'll take many bites of it think not about how you haven't yet mastered chewing but how you're chewing failure rate is like one failure per several thousand operations which isn't bad this guy choose keeping my bedroom clean always thought as a kid that it just magically happened for adults it doesn't you still have to clean your bedroom even when you are 33 and cleaning in general my house is a mess and i feel like it's an uphill battle it's not gross but nowhere near my mom's standards i went in the opposite direction when i went away to college i kept my room obsessively neat my house was always cluttered and unkempt while i was growing up as my mom had four kids and three four dogs along with nieces and nephews frequently being babysit we never actually dined at the dining room table because it was always covered in papers laundry change tools toiletries whatever items someone decided to put there clumps of dog hair would blow across the floor like tumblr weeds empty full and partially filled cups were left out everywhere books that no one read air conditioners and boxes of random crap were stuffed in every corner picture the house in malcolm in the middle only not a severe christmas was really the only time the house was neat if only to make room for the decorations being neat and organized became my way of establishing a sense of control over my own space it's easiest when you don't let yours build up but clean things immediately after you saw whenever you notice them eventually it just becomes a habit rather a chore handwriting it has gotten worse not better peaked at fourth grade same i've had several different styles too nothing looks good i hope i'm never involved in a crime where handwriting analysis comes into play because who boy that analyst is going to be annoyed did you write this in 2008 oh maybe yeah i can't read it either my boyfriend hates my grocery lists i tend to write in clouds instead of columns and i'm lazy about picking up my pen so it's a half cursive unintelligible scribble most of the time he said he's learned to recognize the shape of my words rather than the letters i try to at least stick to columns to make it easier making friends but most importantly maintaining the friendship it just fizzles out i wonder why i'm an avoidant according to attachment theory maybe that's why same issue maintaining those relationships is always really difficult and i'm not entirely sure what you're supposed to do none of it feels all that natural from my experience the key way to maintain relationships is to simply communicate with people regularly i have some friends who have moved far away but i still message them from time to time and we still end up hanging out whenever they're in town it's not one-sided though both parties need to put in some effort to maintain the friendship and communication saying sorry and or getting defensive regarding things that i say that are not necessarily things to be sorry or defensive about i'm not sure how to fix it and i think it's a confidence issue i recently noticed that i have a habit of constantly apologizing for really minor things in my work emails so i made a rule that before i hit send on any ml i have to go back and delete the unnecessary apology now i just wish i could figure out how to do something similar for real-time communication i heard that for emails and so on thanking the other person is better than apologizing for example if someone points out a mistake in a document instead of saying sorry fixer mistake say thanks for the catch here's the updated version and send the corrected edition my taxes i'm 32 and my wife still insists on doing them even if i did do them she would redo them to make sure it was perfect don't worry i'm sure she's not using you to launder money unwittingly i'm sure there is no chance of tax evasion charges or anything silly like that she's a smart lady she would know how to pull it off hell ever since she started making more money than me i just backed off on all finances and we were both happy win-win small talk is the bane of my existence it's required in so many social and business settings but i hit so many walls while going through it i know the basic format i know what people want to hear slash discuss but that doesn't stop from me being awkward as frick sometimes it's mostly because i hate small talk and it just feels so fake to me some of the most common mistakes i make is me what have you been up to slash what's new them answer then and you me i'm good the usual and you the other is the awkward pause after the small talk ends i never know how much to talk so i almost always cut it shot and give short answers then make some excuse to end to convo sometimes the excuse is less than satisfactory or doesn't apply to the situation i once met an acquaintance right after leaving the bathroom at a restaurant small talk ensued and the awkward pause came and i then said well good catching up i have to go use the bathroom even though they clearly saw me just come out of the bathroom freak me that one still hurts this i'm basically the exact same small talks feels so fake i see this every time small talk comes up on reddit if your small talk feels fake you're either not invested in the conversation or psyche yourself out i only get comfortable in those situations by not thinking about having the conversation and instead focusing on what's being said you're allowed to be genuinely interested in other people maybe their job isn't a fascinating field to you maybe they live in a neat part of town asking questions is a good way to blow time small talking also worth coming up with a short list of neutral but interesting topics that can be used if needed new local restaurant nearby landmarks etc it doesn't need to be greeting weather awkward if the person doesn't want to talk just disengage politely it's even okay to say you're going to do some more mingling if at a mixer type event talking with the opposite sex it used to be a disaster 90 of the time now it's 50 50 so i'm still nowhere near close to mastering it i'll either behave like a normal person or like a caricature of myself nothing in between also i haven't mastered basic multitasking like driving and talking on the phone or with my passengers for example my brain just freezes and defaults to the most important activity driving while making sure to nod on occasion to seem like i'm paying attention to the noise i found that at least for me it's all about my intentions if it's someone i've no intention of pursuing romantically all of a sudden it becomes 1000 times easier to talk to them i guess the key is to trick your brain into not being attracted to them just long enough to start a conversation possibly part of the equation yeah i've mostly noticed it happens with women i feel sort of threatened by like if they are much more accomplished than me for example playing my guitar i guess it has been sitting in my room for almost a decade yet i haven't even learned how to strum some basic tunes an impulse buy that had me fascinated for about 48 hours before i gave up it still looks cool in my room though dude three chords and you can make money or get laid or tell or some stories seriously just three chords go learn m g c and d added a and d in there and you can play up and down the whole fretboard someone who knows a reasonable amount but can't play because i could never get bare chords to sound right and has two guitars sitting for over a decade periods i've been having them for over 15 years now 5 days a month 12 months a year that's somewhere in the vicinity of 900 days worth of feeling like someone's tried to take a penalty kick with my uterus you would have thought that somewhere along the line it might have got a little easier but nope and don't even get me started on the surprise [ __ ] that is deciding whether or not it's safe to wear my nice pants in the back half of any given month so long sexy underwear you will be missed i'm lucky and have no side effects with birth control pills i just take them constantly and haven't had a period in forever my periods were super painful too some of us are just unlucky with how painful slash inconsistent they are i had great results with birth control as well the problem is coming off of it if slash when you want to have kids i realized just how messed up my hormones were after all those years and never want to go back on feeling comfortable in social situations i was dxd with social and generalized anxiety a long time ago exposure therapy it's god awful at first but the more you do it the less uncomfortable it is i forced myself to go new places by myself with the goal of talking to x many people and would periodically increase that number now i can comfortably talk to anyone once i get somewhere but every now and then i get a bit anxious when going somewhere new still nothing as bad as what it used to be now i love meeting new people 100 this i had horrible social anxiety if i went to bars i'd hide in the bathroom or figure out a reason not to go and just stay at home i highly recommend mindfulness allowing the feeling to enter and studying it instead of letting it take over careful observation and patience of the feeling disarms it and the next time it comes it's a little less intense i actually consider myself an extrovert now but it took a long time and effort i can't recommend reading up on mindfulness enough i started going to meetup groups just for the experience of introducing myself to other people believe it or not i never knew how to introduce myself after a couple meetups i kind of formed my uncomfortable way of introducing myself tl doctor expose yourself to what your fear but slowly and carefully and with careful reflection after most things you're afraid of aren't actually harmful but you have to prove it to yourself colon close bracket cooking making friendly conversations socializing with people being more tolerant toward others i've got the making friendly conversation part figured out but i just don't get how to make real long-term friends like i can't explain it whenever i'm polite in a social setting my interactions don't feel real more like i'm just going to through the motions and not actually connecting with the person like the opportunity to connect or feel anything toward them doesn't manifest but given that's the only acceptable way to communicate with 99 of people i'm stuck i wouldn't know how to actually bond or find people i genuinely get along with without feeling like i'm tired of this crap and i'm tired of these people and their bullcrap 24 over 7 which i guess is related to not being tolerant too sorry i just needed to vent lol laundry i mean i can put stuff in the machine and add soap and press a button but there are so many other ways to remove stains and sort delicates and iron shirts and extra buttons that do whatever and i don't understand it my in-laws can bleach stuff i have no idea how to use bleach without destroying everything in sight press start and the machine does that's what i know same whites colors towels throw them all in with a couple tasty looking tide pods and hit that regular lote cycle i hang dry the shirts i care about and that's it so far so good at 26. this is what i do i call it laundry darwinism survival of the fittest and clothes that can't run with the pack get left behind at goodwill 40 in january driving a motor vehicle although i couldn't drive because of my disability it should have been something that i mastered enough to get my license 20 years ago there's reasons why i haven't friends vehicular deaths followed by an accident on my last test before getting my probationary license that put me into the hospital but really i just have no valid excuses i understand the freedom and independence that you get when you have a license to this is my answer but i don't have a disability just crippling fear and anxiety i'm 41 36 here and terrified of causing slash being in an accident every summer i go through the old maybe this summer i'll take that driving course and get my license only to talk myself out of it i always find an excuse not to do it even though i realize life would be a lot easier for me if i could get myself places instead of relying on rides from family slash friends or public transit buying a damn car seriously it is such a confusing hassle maybe because i could never afford to buy a nice car but it basically feels like gambling i'm going to put up a chunk of cash in hopes that the car i end up with lasts long enough to be worth it everyone says to do research and buy the car you want but i can only work with what's for sale and what i can afford of course i would like to buy a reliable and cheap car with almost no miles on it but it seems like all i see on craigslist are jeep wranglers with 200k miles

Channel: AskSheep

Views: 221

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: r/askreddit, ask reddit stories, true stories, reddit, top reddit posts, best reddit posts, top reddit stories, askreddit top post, best reddit comments, askreddit reading, reddit addiction

Id: ipIMORNZiX0

Length: 14min 43sec (883 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 31 2021