Adult Children in Blended Families

when somebody remarries later in life usually their kids are adults at that point in time so it's what we call an adult step family sometimes they're referred to as later lifestyle families often the couple is really taken by surprised at how strongly the adult children react the couple often say to me ron they're adults we didn't think they'd care we thought they'd be fine with all this what's that really all about well you know i have news for you they have the same emotional adjustments as a 16 or a six-year-old have you see their family identity is still locked up in last names and still locked up in their family history and the fact that mom died doesn't mean that their family has died the fact that mom and dad divorced later in life they still have memories and thoughts of what home is and those are all very powerful thoughts for them and so now this welcoming a new person dad's new wife for example and she brings other now i have adult step siblings how does that work and when we show up at thanksgiving there's 30 people there that i don't know and i've never met that's not going home see a lot has changed for them there's been a lot of loss and adjustments have to be made and again if you overwhelm them with the expectation of instant love odds are they bow their back and their outer shell gets a little harder don't do that take it as it comes pace with the children all the principles we've talked about in other segments in this series still apply to you in that situation there's some flash points money decorating home pictures are changed now there's new pictures dad's new wife think about that for a minute a lot of adult children don't even think of that step parent as a step parent often don't even define themselves as a step child that didn't even make sense to them it's dad's new wife so again their family identity is not wrapped up in your marriage they're just trying to figure out how to come alongside that so your task your goal is just to be friends in the beginning just find a way towards friendship take some steps in that direction go to lunch however they're open to you take advantage of that and just see what comes of it don't compete with their family story their family history with their connection to their biological mother who may be deceased don't compete with that honor her in every way that you can speak well of her ask them about her what would your mom do if she were here how would she make the apple pie let her live on in your family because giving honor to those people helps them see you as not a threat but as somebody that they can appreciate and value

Channel: FamilyLife Blended

Views: 1,292

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: FamilyLife, FamilyLife Blended, stepfamily, blended family, divorce, Love Languages, Healthy relationships, adult children, marriage and family therapy, communication, relationships, family ministry, parenting advice

Id: ox8oXqGapKY

Length: 2min 36sec (156 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020