Acts 15: How to Manage Conflict

thank you very much and welcome to Santa's Church I'm glad you guys are here how many of you guys have ever had a conflict with a person a friend or somebody at work raise your hands okay yeah that means you're alive and you're human okay we have conflicts we disagree even amongst friendships and marriages even as Christians we disagree we're gonna be looking at acts 15 this weekend at Sandals church and on the debrief we're gonna go real real deep into this but a lot of people don't realize that acts 15 is the blueprint for how Christians handled conflict and a lot of your marriages a lot of your friendships a lot of your work relationships a lot of your relationship your roommates boyfriends girlfriends would be better if you would learn from acts 15 about how to handle conflict so let's take a look at this how how to manage conflict from a biblical perspective because some of you guys manage it but you're in prison which means you didn't do it very well so I want to encourage you to change the way you manage it let's begin in acts 15 open your Bible so we're gonna start in verse 1 now Paul and Barnabas were at Antioch if your joint if you're new to us this is really the base of Christianity for the first hundred years it's a city a couple hundred miles north of Jerusalem and it's where Christianity really really starts to grow this is where we get the name Christian it's not a name that we invented for ourselves people in at Antioch called us Christians and so Antioch of Syria some men from Judea arrived and began to teach the believers unless you're circumcised as required by the law of Moses underline these words you cannot be saved now we fight about dumb stuff anybody in here fight about dumb stuff okay if you're married raise your hand you fight about dumb stuff which way to roll the toilet paper right college you you should eat a chicken pot pie I remember when Tam and I first got married and her family you ate a chicken pot pie by destroying it and throw it on your plate in my family we ate it like gentlemen and we ate it from the top because the crust is the most delicious part of a chicken potpie and so I thought that she was angry with me when she served me chicken pot pies threw it on the plate but that's just how her family rolled which I thought was a little violent but you know we're praying for them but we thought about that we fought over how do you eat a chicken potpie is there anything more ridiculous in the world to fight over than how to eat it just eat it it's delicious it's delicious man go have one this weekend I'll encourage you it's incredible okay but we fight about stupid stuff we fight about when to do things we don't where to do things we fight about money we fight about all kinds of stuff fighting over how a person is supposed to be saved that's worth fighting over that's a big deal it's a really really big deal and by fighting I don't mean violently but I mean having conflict we should have conflicts so here's what happens God is moving in a powerful way in Antioch Jewish people show up from Jerusalem from Judea and they don't like what's happening and here's what they're saying to become a follower of Jesus you have to become Jewish this is the fight Jesus was a Jew the Apostles were Jewish most of the Christians are still Jewish and all of these Romans all of these Greeks all of these Syrians all of these people from Africa and all around the world what they're saying is if you want to be saved you have to become Jewish now this is a huge deal not so much for the ladies but for the guys it means you have to be circumcised with where they cut the very very tip of the skin of your penis off which I think you know there might be revival amongst women but men not gonna be so inspired to follow Jesus it's a little scary right and maybe you know I love God but maybe tomorrow so that was way funnier than that come on people have some coffee okay so unless you are circumcised as required by the law of Moses you cannot be saved and so here here's the most fundamental question of Christianity are you saved if you died today where would you go would you spend eternity in heaven with Jesus or would you spend eternity in hell apart from Jesus this is the most important issue of every person's life and it's something that the church had to fight about because what's at stake is not your preference what's at stake is not how you roll toilet paper what's at stake is not how loud the music is a church what's at stake is how do you get to heaven that's what's at stake the most important question in human history verse 2 Paul and Barnabus disagreed with them underlying these words arguing vehemently okay what does that mean it means they were ticked they were ticked okay I would say pissed off but that's inappropriate right because as pastors we never get pissed off we just grieve in our spirits that's what happens and you know I'm full of baloney right now okay I mean they were ticked why because this is a big deal anyone who says you have to invite Jesus to your heart and do this is dangerous it's just about Jesus Jesus did it all jesus paid it all if there was anything that you could do you know what Jesus would have told us cuz he said I don't want to die on that gnarly cross but he died on that gnarly cross because there was nothing you could do there was only something that he could do to save you this is the difference between Christianity and every other religion every other religion says do this do that do this do that do this do that Jesus said did it done finished over you don't have to do anything because I did it all for you and the way we live is in response to what he did and out of love for what he did for us and our love for him but we don't do it to go to heaven we live the way we live because he's already gotten us there because of what he did so they were arguing finally Circle this word because it's gonna come into play later so that word finally it got so bad it got so ugly you got two parties who can't agree anybody ever been there okay it's called marriage you got two parties who can't agree can't come to an agreement on this issue and so finally the church decided to send Paul and Barnabas to Jerusalem accompanied by some local believers to talk to the apostles and elders about this question so who are these guys these are the Twelve Apostles minus one cuz James is dead so the eleven apostles that Jesus had hand-picked to lead the church plus the local elders from Jerusalem so they're gonna go back to Jerusalem where it all started and they're gonna find out what the answer to this question is so they went there to talk about him the church sent delegates to Jerusalem and they stopped along the way and Phoenicia and Samaria to visit believers and they told them much to everyone's joy that Gentiles too were being converted what does it mean non-jewish people are believing in Jesus when they arrived in Jerusalem Barnabas and Paul were welcomed by the whole church including the Apostles and the elder so even Jewish people are excited to have this conversation because it's so important they reported everything that had gone at God had done through them but some of the believers who belong to the sect of Pharisees stood up and insisted they insisted that the Gentile converts must be circumcised as required to fall and to follow the law of Moses they have to be Jewish we are not going to budge we're not going to compromise on this God gave us the Bible and we're not going to compromise on what the Bible says and so the Apostles and the elders met together to resolve this issue I cannot stress enough how ugly this event was literally Satan is trying to rip the church apart he's trying to rip the church in half and this happens in churches all across America all across the world people have conflict about theological issues about practical issues about the way you dress about the way the music is about what day you worship and constantly the enemy wins when he rips us apart the church is not great at handling conflict but God bless these guys they were in acts 15 and they handled it well so how to overcome conflict how to get through it how to survive conflict because you're going to have it number one write this down how to overcome conflict expect it expect it man anybody ever met somebody who's been married for like a year and they're devastated what happened we go to fight I thought we were just gonna love each other and pray with each other every night and they're shocked do you know what adds magnitude to fights is when people don't expect it well that must mean we're not supposed to be together we're not soul mates I'm gonna go my way and you're gonna go your way and people don't expect it people come in to church and I go my gosh I'm gonna go to church with a bunch of perfect people and we're all gonna be happy it's gonna be like Disneyland VIN Disneyland kids get eat there it happens I've seen it I've been one of those kids I was beaten at Disneyland as a child my mom bought a spoon with Mouse ears it happens okay so some of you come to church like oh my gosh everyone's going to be friendly that's why we make you say hi to each other because you don't do it on your own you come to church you're like just me and Jesus are you crying can you kind of pipe down because I need to hear the sermon I mean that's people the church is still with people so you're gonna have conflict in your marriage you're gonna have conflict literally in your church anybody got brothers and sisters right conflict in the home I mean that's why your parents had kids so there would be someone else to beat you right my two daughters are in college they have roommates there's conflict there oh my gosh my freshman year in college my roommate you wouldn't take a shower came from Alaska literally with a sleeping bag plastic mattresses in college no sheets you could hear him wake up hey buddy maybe take a shower right you got expected you're gonna have conflict you're gonna have conflict about money you're gonna have conflict in your small groups you can have people who won't talk and people who won't shut up right you're like no one talks too much in my group it's you it's you you're the one shut up you gotta expect it you gotta expect conflict you're gonna have conflict at work you know why most people quit their jobs conflict they're not gonna pay me millions of dollars to do this anymore right I mean you ever watch a professional athlete they get paid millions of dollars like I'm not gonna take this I'll take it I will take it I mean is it crazy professional athletes I've had enough of this I will not be overpaid for a game that does not matter anymore geez buddy second Corinthians 7:5 when we arrived in Macedonia this is the Apostle Paul talking okay this is one of the holiest dudes in the history of the world he says there was no rest for us underlying that there's no rest for us this guy's serving Jesus no rest for us we face conflict from every direction anybody been there every direction right parents go to work have conflict at work come home you have conflict battle battling traffic battling traffic I almost lost my mind today I almost lost my mind in the car today guys smoking a joint next to me while driving oh yeah I wanted to give him a piece of Jesus right so you conflict in the car then you get home honey here's all the things you have to do and you have kids who are spazzes dad look at all the things I broke today geez then you turn on the news to relax ah World War three right look at this there was no rest for us we face conflict from every direction with battles on the outside and fears on the inside anybody ever get an arguing with yourself I always lose those which is weird right you're an idiot you're staring at in the mirror I wasn't calling you that I was like yeah you ever had you ever done that you ever never yell at yourself what were you thinking just a little bizarre okay how to overcome conflict expect it you're gonna have conflict it's gonna happen next you got to deal with it that's not what we do in my family we ignore it and have a heart attack and die at 40 right that's what we do we just pretend it didn't hurt our feelings isn't it amazing I mean some of you let's just be honest some of you are perfectionist and you have conflict all the time because you want the world to be perfect and this point is not for you most of us are avoiders I'll get better on its own right you don't go to the doctor you know you're growing a human head off your forearm that's put a little sunscreen on that okay fine I don't that things talking on your forearm I think you right we we don't want to deal with anything no matter how it festers that's why many of you drink so much at the holidays I'm just gonna be drunk all the way through it cuz your family doesn't deal you don't deal with anything and you know we don't we do we don't deal with it in the church you know what we do we go somewhere else I think the Lord's calling me to leave sandals no you're not dealing with your crap same thing with our marriages isn't it amazing we don't deal with conflict in our marriages so then we get divorced and then we're shocked that that's brings a little conflict right is it amazing you got to deal with it you got to handle it I want you to notice that the argument was so bad remember I asked you to circle this word finally finally they realized we got to deal with this we've got to deal with this this is a problem and you know why we don't deal with conflict because we hope it will go away and sometimes it does unfortunately it just goes away but you know what usually happens is the scope of the problem gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until by the time you deal with it it's so bad there's no hope for resolving it whatsoever let me just say this as your pastor I wish people would come in for marriage counseling six months before they think they need it because you know what usually happens when couples come in for counseling feel like we had a nuclear bomb go off in our house can you fix it well I'm not no and then you're mad at God and gods like why'd you detonate the bomb isn't amazing we have conflicts and our friendships it's always amazing to me especially young people man leaving the church gonna go somewhere else you know what happens amongst our young adults conflict somebody said something on Twitter someone passive aggressively responded on Instagram someone's praying for someone on Facebook next thing you know gone you got to deal with it look at this Paul and Barnabus disagreed with them arguing vehemently finally circle that word finally the church decided to send Paul and Barnabus to Jerusalem accompanied by some local believers to talk to the Apostles and the elders about this question finally you got to deal with it next if you ever want to overcome conflict you gotta learn to control your anger yeah Val's lame lame point pastor I didn't see that coming because you know what the problem is many of us only engage in conflict when were angry here's one of the things that I've learned I have to love people enough to deal with my conflict with them in love and not in anger because most of us wait until we're angry to deal with issues and that's helpful right that is helpful you know what conflict needs to make it a little bit better a little dose anger just throw that on there that'll help anger doesn't help anything and so you got to deal with it you got to deal with your anger look look at acts 1539 same chapter different argument tempers flared and they ended up going where their separate ways Paul and Barnabas are inseparable for several chapters in the book of Acts they have an argument anger takes control temper flared and guess what happens they break up and go their separate ways the dynamic duo of Jesus Christ Barnabas and Paul is broken up because their egos one and the Holy Spirit loss in that sad listen this is why you know I'm a Baptist this is why there's 271 different Baptist denominations in America 271 you want to know why because somebody got ticked off they started their own church you got to control your tipper the last church I was at before I started channels Church there was an argument between a pastor and a person that was a member during a business meeting it got so bad the pastor choked to this guy not like privately in your office which is where you should do it I'm kidding you should not ever choke anyone at any time if you feel your hands put them in your pockets he choked him in a business meeting in front of the whole church who's our spiritual leader that guy strangling that other guy true story true story that's what happens when tempers flare James 1:20 write this down human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires and some of you are like but my anger is righteous okay captain doom listen up Ephesians 4:26 through 27 and says and don't sin by letting anger what control you is it a sin to be angry now it is a sin to let anger control you it's not a sin to be angry it is a sin to give in to angers control you can be angry but you must control it but if anger controls you you're in trouble don't let the Sun go down while you are still angry why because anger gives a foothold to the devil this past week my wife and I we got in an argument guys I don't know if you've ever had this but if you ever had this where there's an explosion and your skull comes off you ever had that you and you just you just don't think well well my wife and I were having a conflict she was entrenched I was entrenched I was upset she was upset and man I'm just gonna tell you I got so upset I got so angry I had to leave the room had to leave the room on the way out of the room slam the door not proud of it it happened then I realized I'm out of control I got to get outside walked outside tripped over one of our chairs in the backyard had a moment had a moment that I'm not proud of and that chair does not exist anymore my wife opened the back door to the backyard and she says when you're done with your temper you're gonna apologize to your son and I said yeah I will do that immediately because I lost it you know where my son was in his bedroom afraid do you know why because he's half my size and our kids are scared when we lose our minds I went in there I said son I'm sorry dad lost it he said it's okay dad it's football season it's like who's disciple in this guy that's what he said football season dad I said well I don't know what that has to do with me killing the chair I said where's your mother he said she's in the room bawling yeah oh oh so we went in there and and she's entrenched I'm in trance you know I'm apologizing because what I did was wrong yeah you know I was wrong I shouldn't have destroyed the chair was upset she was upset it was ugly and we ended up not working it out the way we needed to because it got late and it was something that we've never done we've always tried to work things out before we go to bed because of this verse and I'm gonna be honest with you okay there's three types of people in here some of you are skeptical about what I'm gonna say some of you are apathetic to what I'm about to say and some of you are a little crazy and so this may weird you out and people to pray with you afterwards but this is what happened okay you either apathetic skeptical or a little off you know what happened a couple of nights later when I was asleep I had a dream a terrifying nightmare and I woke up in the middle of the night and I kid you not some of you don't know me and that's okay but I'm not lying I woke up in the middle of the night I had a terrifying nightmare and when I woke up I saw a demon in my bedroom some of you are apathetic yeah some of you are skeptical probably not some of you're crazy oh my gosh I see him all the time okay I don't know where you are but let me tell you this and I want to speak to the men of our church I was so scared by that event I rallied all of our pastors from all of our campuses together the very next day and we prayed and let me tell you why it's a scariest thing I've ever seen in my life it was a cloud of anger and rage and it was pure evil and because I let anger control me I gave it invitation into my house listen to me some of you are headed for hell and you're gonna spend eternity with that thing I didn't want to be with it for 20 seconds now praise God the Lord spoke and it went away but let me tell you something anger is real it is real and it will destroy you destroy your life your marriage and if you let it I'll send you straight to hell because that's where it wants you don't give anger control of your life don't do it all right everybody's freaked out next point you want to handle conflict you gotta learn to listen to the other side and I don't mean listen so you can tear it down I mean listen you got to actually listen to what they're saying listen what happened in acts 15 Circle these two words because this never happens these two words everyone listened everyone can you imagine everyone listen you know the Holy Spirit is involved everyone listened what next word quietly everyone listen quietly as Barnabas and Paul told about the miraculous signs and wonders that God had done throughout all the Gentiles everybody listened everybody listened it doesn't mean you agree but you need to listen you need to listen to what's going on you wanna know why Tammy and I had that fight because we weren't listening I had something to say she had something to say we didn't listen we don't listen well in our culture do we we're not listening and because of that people are rioting people are turning to violence and things are happening because we're not listening to what someone is saying this happens in our churches and our marriages and our friendships this happens in our dating relationships we got to learn to listen you know why you got to learn to listen because you already know how you feel but you don't know how the friend that you're upset with feels you don't know and you gotta listen you gotta listen to the other side next this is huge this is huge you want to learn to manage conflict in a godly way acts 15 is amazing you got to invite wise counsel wise counsel look we had our on men's gathering this weekend it was absolutely amazing had eleven her guys come it was awesome and let me tell you something it was so powerful and it was just amazing to see guys coming together and let me just say this guy's women naturally talk to each other they just naturally do like my wife doesn't go out for coffee and sit there and stare at a friend they don't just stare at each other that can happen with dudes so what did you and Ted talk about nothing you were together for an hour I know right guys we can sit there and not talk we can not talk you can be in the car and not talk you can talk on the phone you want to say what we talking about nothing it's true you got to invite wise council guys you got to have guys that speak into you and ladies you got to have wise women that speak into you because some of you share your stuff with women who are idiots you know what you need to do you need to leave him go get a haircut get a pedicure you go girl put $1,000 on that credit card it'll make everything go away yeah ladies what what if the person that you share everything with is an idiot but she's been my friend since junior high yeah but she's still in junior high not physically but emotionally isn't an amazing isn't it amazing you need wise counsel you have this fight between the Jews and the Gentiles you have the Apostle Paul and you have these literally Pharisees the people that crucified Christ this thing is ugly and everyone's entrenched and there's this guy by the name of James you know who James is he's the half-brother of Jesus Christ you know what his name was you know he was known as throughout the ancient world James the wise so when you go to somebody has anybody ever accused your advice person as being wise no then maybe don't go to that person James the wise his name wasn't James as stupid his name wasn't James smarter than a 5th grader his name was James the wise listen to what happened here acts 15 13 when they had finished so the debates over the argument is over James stood James stood and said brothers underline these words listen to me isn't that amazing and what's amazing here is James is not one of the twelve is that a cradle he's not one of the twelfth but he was wise he was so wise and he was so profound he became the leader of the church in Jerusalem and the most influential person in that city for about 50 years matter of fact one day some people got upset with him and threw him off the temple and killed him and do you know that even those who disagreed with Jesus said why would you kill James because he was so incredibly wise invite wise counsel some of you get counsel but what happens if you get the wrong advice well they call themselves a Christian well what does that mean what if I told you I'm a professional football player I'm not isn't it amazing we just we just automatically assumes cuz somebody has Jesus tattooed on their arm but they must be a follower of Jesus okay I mean if they have Harley Davidson on their body it didn't make him a motorcycle that was way funnier than that come on work with me right find people who are wise find people who are wise and let me tell you something I've learned not every Christian is wise not every pastor is wise I wish I wish they all were so you got to find somebody with some wisdom next this is huge so invite wise counsel next look to the Bible for help so what does James do James doesn't just shoot from the hip well I you know what I think you know what James does this is amazing write this in your notes James quotes Scripture but why would James do that because he's wise you want to know what wise people know about themselves they don't know everything you know what stupid people tell you they know everything amazing how much stupid people think they know they know everything about everything wise people know what they don't know James is like I don't know we're supposed to do here but I do know who does and so he goes to Scripture and this what's amazing is he goes to a little little tiny book called a mo some of you've never even heard it many of you have never read it little little tiny book and he quotes it word for word listen to this he says in this conversion of Gentiles is exactly what the prophets predicted which prophet Amos as it is written afterward I will return and restore the Fallen house of David I will rebuild its ruins and restore it so that the rest of humanity might seek the Lord including who the Gentiles all those God says that I have called to be mine the Lord has spoken listen to me one of the things the world is doing is it saying that the wisdom of the Scriptures are outdated we are headed down a very very scary path in our culture because for the last hundred years education philosophy psychology you name it has been tearing down judeo-christian values that have been built upon the truths of Scripture and they're tearing them down and they've never ever asked this question what will be what will we be left with when all of this is gone and now we have all these people running around that don't know the Bible that don't know the truth they don't know the scriptures they don't have any wisdom whatsoever and some of you fall into that category and it is a very very scary place to be you need to learn to look to the Bible for help what does God's Word say because who knows better how to live your life you got to make this decision who knows better you are God and so we go to God's Word all right last point prepare to flip out okay prepare to flip out prepare to freak out don't throw any vegetables which would be odd from our campuses don't throw any vegetables but I want you to listen what I'm having and give me a second to explain it remember one of the ways to navigate conflict is to list sin which is gonna be very very hard because this is gonna blow your minds and many of you're gonna lose it how is the best way to navigate conflict write this down you're not gonna row you're not gonna want to write these words this word is gonna kill you it's gonna hurt you it's gonna hurt your soul because as Christians we've been trained that this word is a sin and you know why that is because we're listening to unwise Christian leaders who don't know the Bible and the story of how God works are you ready I don't think you guys are ready I'm not feeling like you guys are ready for this point okay like one person's ready okay here we go last point compromise ah what what right compromise for what for the greater good what do you do what do you do when you have Gentiles who are being saved and Jews who say to be saved you have to be circumcised what do you do you know what most people do you sit in one camp and another and you go your separate ways which unfortunately after james died guess what happened gentile christians went their way ie the Roman Catholic Church and Jewish Christians went their way ie into oblivion and there's hardly any Messianic Jews anymore do you know why James the wise died compromise for the greater good it's so unfortunate that as Christians we don't see this as a value now let me let me preface this there are some things we can't compromise right there are some core principles that we can't compromise but I want you to I want you to understand here how as a Jewish person they had to compromise their understanding of God because their understanding of God was obey the Sabbath be circumcised become a Jew celebrate and do everything that the law of Moses said and then you have the Apostle Paul who says no no Jesus Christ has made all of that irrelevant any of people freaking out on both sides but they compromised they compromised and it breaks my heart that is Christian's today we don't know how to compromise you know when my wife my wife and I argue very rarely do I end the discussion with you know what she's right right I have some very very held and firm beliefs and opinions and so does she and guess how you stay married you compromise it breaks my heart especially as we enter into this political season that Christians fail to understand how fragile the United States of America is listen I'm a political science major so send me your tweets I can handle you okay I know that felt like a threat sorry I meant that in a less Donald Trump way a minute a minute like more loving we wouldn't have the country we have today if those guys that gathered together didn't compromise now not everything that compromised on was good but because you had people who could look past their own egos and their own desires we get to live in the greatest country the world has ever seen okay one clap thank you no no it's to like you like I'm gonna pray you all move to Russia then you'll appreciate it here's the thing do you know why so many churches are unsuccessful because everyone draws theological lines I want you to I want you to listen so carefully to me this is a major theological issue right how our people saved listen to what James says and so my judgment is that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God what what so you just cited James with these perverted Gentiles what listen oi says we should write and tell them all to abstain from eating foods offered to idols and from sexual immorality and from eating the meat of strangled animals and from consuming blood and the Gentiles like wait a minute I can't have those crazy barbecues at the 10 - Apollo's you know what James does he ticks off both sides he ticks off both sides because he's trying to keep the church together he says for these laws of Moses have been preached in Jewish synagogues in every city on every Sabbath for many generations listen he is saying guys we've got to come together Jews and Gentiles and the Apostle Paul will make this argument over and over and over again listen to me there's some things we can't compromise on we can't compromise that the Bible is not the Word of God we can't compromise on the fact that Jesus Christ is it is not the only way by which people can be saved but we can compromise on a lot of other stuff that doesn't matter and you can compromise and change the way you eat chicken pot pie and you can compromise with what you do on the weekends and the way that you relate you can compromise on what TV show you watch it's amazing the things that we find ourselves entrenched in I want you to know that this was the biggest hurdle the church has faced yet and if it wasn't for James we wouldn't have made it we wouldn't have made it so find your James find somebody to help you deal with your conflict listen some of you guys are in Chains today you're in change in your marriage you're in change in your position some of you have said goodbye to friendships because you've been chained in a position and you know why because the devil's got ahold of you and you know what God cares more about than your opinion he cares about that person and some of you guys have said no to friendships no to family members some of you have said no to marriages and you're entrenched and you're enchained by the devil himself because you've allowed anger to come into your life and you have put a premium on your opinion and not on people getting saved and people having a real and right relationship with God and what we need to do is we need to change that today we need to say God reset my focus and help me to compromise where I can and be clear about where I can't because there's some things we can't compromise on but most things we let's bow our heads and close our eyes for word of Prayer Heavenly Father all of us are human beings and what that means is we live in a world of conflict god help us today just to hear your holy spirit lord help us through the power of the name of jesus christ to break these chains of bondage where we've been entrenched in our position in our place in our family history and our personal opinions God and help us to care more about loving you and loving people than our ideas of exactly how that is spelled out father give us the wisdom the wisdom of James James to know when to know when and where we can compromise and win and where we can't father we need your Holy Spirit we pray this in your son's name the name of Jesus amen

Channel: Sandals Church

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Length: 40min 45sec (2445 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 26 2016