A Valentine’s Date with Bobby Lee! | Ep # 156 | Trash Tuesday

how does it start I've never seen it like this but there an intro and whatnot you've never seen your I've seen clips and stuff but I'm your this is your you're my best friend I know we're friends forever is there in like welcome welcome or you can you can open I don't want to it's on my [Music] show try i' i' I've I've been the captain of a too many ships and I sometimes like the captain wants a ride you sound like you want to be dominated oh I'm a dominated no no he is a dominated person I love being dominated um I actually would agree I don't know if we want to open the show this way but like Bobby's like a total like cute little baby sub two days I got CH choked yeah two days from um two days ago I want to say but two days ago I got choked he likes getting choked by single moms yeah yeah that's single mom specifically that's like sweet and I go stop Mommy right and then they and they take their thumbs and dig it into your like the Adams apple and then you think you're going to die you're thyroid oh yeah yeah it's like remember Kung Fu do you remember that what part of kung fu D Kine heut died from oh that's right um he Jed up and he it's called erotic es well this is a really good way to start our Valentine's Day let's start pure let's start Christian go ahead start start well I if it's Christian I shouldn't be the one starting oh may I start then yeah you're the one who got rejected by a Mormon restaurant so yeah you should start okay thank you wait what happened let me tell you it's it's going to blow your mind and probably not but um me and Andrew were in Salt Lake City and you know during the show we text restaurants like and so we had Carlos friend of the show a friend of the show everyone knows him yeah call this restaurant a nice Italian restaurant and they go hey the boys are in town Andrew and Bobby we're going to be there on time but is there like a table we can have and their response was we don't want them here and I literally almost like I was going to like Good Fellas to play like light it on fire do you think there's any chance Carlos made that up to punish you guys guys we thought but then we had Mone call and they said the same thing really yeah well I kind of lowkey respect that they're like standing on business like they have a set of values the Mormons do and you just your values don't align with theirs and they're just like you know what it's a bad look for us okay let's go as an institution let's go through Mormon values then okay shall we polyam right never been polygonized wait I think but aren't they like the ones that don't swear don't drink right yeah I don't drink do I not drink You're Sober I'm so are you Mormon exactly I don't drink diet coke wait haven't you I do weren't you Mormon at some point in your life I was baptized Mormon when I was he was baptized Mormon that's another thing wait you should have had Carlos tell them that first of all can i k no I don't want to be disrespectful but we don't know if it was a Mormon restaurant it just happened to be that sounds like a Mormon rejection no or it could be we hate those guys we don't think they're good podcasters and we don't just like them Salt Lake I don't know you know what could be like just a general anti Hollywood thing you know when people are like we don't want them here oh I thought I was getting a high five I didn't say look I was trying to do no look okay Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners go to helixsleep.com tr Tuesday and use code Helix partner2 this is their best offer yet and it won't last long with Helix better sleep starts now oh boy today's episode is I'm scared um a lot was said a lot is not being cut out and that is going to be a concern anyways Bobby Lee is here today promoting our movie drugstore June which is going to be in theater so soon you as you probably remember in New York City and Los Angeles we will be in theaters February 23rd and then March 1st we're going to be in Austin and there's a ton of other cities and there are tickets on sale now for a lot of those cities and you can find our the theaters our cities at drugstore june. comom and there are so many friends of this show in the movie and I just can't wait for you guys to have like a real life in-person popcorn eating Movie experience with hopefully your favorite podcasters or maybe like your eighth favorite podcasters whichever it is it's fine but I'll see you guys there today my co-star Mr Bobby Lee ooh you no claps nothing this Happy Valentine's Happy Valentine's to you my friend and it's really good to be here it's like climbing set of womb being with you guys cuz I'm pregnant or is it no no no sorry yeah no it's like no cuz you're family and I feel comfortable here do you remember the first day on set of drugstore June oh my God you're just opening you're opening with that oh my god well we talked about it on the show every producer is like don't have him talk about it really yeah everyone's calling me like why did you talk about it cuz I did a mark Mar he's doing the funniest press tour for this movie because he literally will go on a podcast and just be like I'm not supposed to say this and then the and then the host will be like okay that's fine let's move on and then Bobby's like but I have to say it like the host of the shows are like that's okay no one's trying to dig it out of him but I think you guys both have this quality where you cannot so many times in my life you both have separately come to me and be like you tell me like a big secret about yourself you cannot tell anyone and like I'm like shaking I'm so scared I'm not going to tell anyone 5 minutes later you're both in a huge room telling everyone you guys are so weird with your own secrets you know I think it's something we should work on you don't have to I want to because the way you said it just now did it make it make you cringe a little bit I think you're not wrong and I think Bobby has um kind of like led me astray in that way cuz when I first met him dare you when I first met him I was really secretive I was like Hey like my information is not to be talked about like publicly cuz he was already doing podcasts at that time but then like the second week or like no actually no it was like the third week and I found out after that moment you convinced me you're like Kila you cannot have people hold your own Secrets over you so you have to tell it up front so no one can hold anything over you and that was the worst advice ever cuz then I was just like oh you know my this and then my you know very good thank you and so I started like taking basically following his lead in that way where I was like no you're right like if I tell it up front no one can ever hold it against me wrong they can absolutely hold it against you in every single way but this is now your origin story of why you're really good podcaster I have to say maybe cuz he was like hey go tell that story about when you were diddled and I'm like are you sure they're like yeah yeah yeah he's like that's fine I do it all the time that's fine it is fine and it is good you you want to paint a picture picture that you want people to think that that's the picture but when it's not let me try to reword that cuz that made no sense that's fine we can do take two I try to put out there a crazy version of my life that isn't necessarily true right but it's like there's hints sometimes sometimes there's not and it's like what I want the world to see is that a way to keep people um yeah that cuz my therapist said that my therapist goes you you think she goes you think you're like open and like completely honest about your past because but you you're only revealing parts of it and some of it's not even true and sensationalizing to you want people but that's not what really happened or that's not who you really are right it's like you're going for Laughs yeah and I'm I'm protecting what really is who I am you know what I mean yeah there were times like when we were in therapy together where the therapist would say like okay now tell me the real version and she would stop him and saying okay thank you for that sweet story but now tell me what really happened yeah yeah no when I went to I went to that place in Phoenix I went to a weak psycho therapy kind of a remember yeah yeah yeah I would I've been there a couple times and one time I was in is that the place where when you were there you called Kila crying begging to leave no that's the other place no no you called me crying from the other place I call crying both places yeah cuz we were going through a rough time no I don't want to get into that okay but that's true I called her a couple times but I'm in this Phoenix place okay and he's like well tell me what happened and I go yeah my dad used to hit me a thousand times right or 10,000 times whatever and he goes stop what are you doing I go what do you mean he's like that's not true what he goes I exaggerate things by saying 10,000 for the S yeah for the sake of I was like just hyperbolic for the sake of entertaining so he goes I want how many times you think I got I don't know 30 in my life okay he goes that's good and every time I would say something that like that he would go stop that didn't happen or or or or be like you know what I mean what exactly happened do you think he's doing that because your body listens to your mouth so if you're telling that story I my dad hit me every day even though he probably hit you you know once every month like your body sort of believes what you're saying that hyperbolic kind of version of events rather than the truth it could be but I also think it's like if he says 10,000 times in his like subconscious it's like that this is a funny thing I'm saying and he's not facing the reality that's what that's exactly that's I think that's more and I will say that I have this memory of going to IHOP with you like 15 years ago and you told this really entertaining story about like behind the scenes in comedy and like everyone it was like me probably fem I forget who else maybe Glassman and everyone was like Jaw on the floor it was like the most fun entertaining story ever and then to the end you're like that was all made up yeah I was like okay yeah it's I I because I'm very specific when I lie I'm here's the key of lying if you're specific you I mean like if you talk about somebody's skin go deep into the you know I mean specifics of like what it looks like that is so true because when he is telling the truth and you know it hurts him he keeps it really vague and he'll run away he'll like okay okay okay and then he'll go off and not want to talk about it recently I had an experience with somebody that's all I'm going to say and this somebody said can you not talk about this to anybody which I'm not okay because I'm being more mindful about stuff like that but you know it is something that I've been working on anyway drugstore June man what a wonderful wonderful project you know what's so what do you mean the first day of drugstore June what happened so the first day of drugstore June was I feel like the the worst I'd ever seen you sort of like emotionally collapsed and that's because you had run out of your medication and then you had me scour Los Angeles and um Mexico for is that really true yeah ask him he it wasn't exaggeration there was an adderal shortage or Rin short and here's the thing this is when I realized I am so not in the underground drug scene and I probably should be more plugged in because there was no one I could call on my phone where I was just like hey like let me score some I couldn't but eventually I did I think that's a good thing anyway I needed medication and I didn't have any ran out and I also I memorized you know you know in my mind I don't know why but I'm like oh the we're going to do the opening yeah of the dialogue so I just memorized the first five pages that I was in I feel like almost your approach was like a little kid where you thought like the movie would shoot in order okay wait let me say something but in my I know but I understand that but since most of my scenes right are in the just in the pharmacy yeah yeah if I was doing like a Sci-Fi Action Movie right of course of course they shoot you know mean in different times order but for some reason logically I was like why wouldn't they show this first scene cuz all my scenes are with are just with Esther and I think what made it worse for him was the night before Oh my God because I was over he really was so studious about his lines and he was studying them and then he was really nervous and so when he went on set and that's not what you guys were shooting and then minus the Aderall cuz he was like okay I know I'm running I've run out of medication so I need to be extra prepared so walks in prepared and it's not all hell broke loose and all hell broke loose and um let me just say this okay drugstore June is a great movie go see it in your local theaters and when it comes on streaming support the movie because it's like it's made by Comics I believe and it's made inh housee the producers or people are dear friends of ours Bill Burr Al magical Mike you know the you know Jordy the the you know all things comedy team pretty much everyone in the movie are people that we've had long relationships with it felt like being um doing stuff with my friends and it was so fun okay that first day was a nightmare but it wasn't anyone's Fault by my own okay so I want to just say that it wasn't Nick's fault it wasn't anyone's fault I and thank God for your husband really yeah thank God for him because he saved me my point though being is this all right I'll just say what happened I'll just see what happened I show up and um it's a great movie Nick hen is directing how long you known Nick 13 14 years me longer yeah and he's bubble butt he does have a bubble butt yeah yeah he's got a Brazilian butt and I love it Brazilian and I'm not gay but it's like when I look at it I go that's it if I was going to date a a man he would be the one cuz of his bubble butt my point is that he does it not protrude anyway the second thing I want to say is that Nick Nick also since I know him so well he can't he talks to me like we're old you know I mean military like we were in the war together like anything goes you know what I mean you know I mean like we sered four times in Vietnam you know me kind of a Vibe right so he can talk to me in the way you know when you sometimes when I'm doing a movie I don't know the director so they have to they they're they you know they have to be political about it when they come up to you it's like hey you know can just try it again you know what I mean I want to say both Katherine and I watched the movie this morning and we both really loved it oh my gosh thank you really great wasn't it cool to see Bobby like his face is the first frame yeah close up his face and I was like whoa there he is and then the whole thing is so funny so smart genuinely thank you and I I think it's like so I I will say that it is like I hate to like Flex you never saw it no I haven't seen it yet you'll never see it no of course I will of course I will I'm going to the premiere are you crazy oh is the premiere yeah you're coming never got when is it February 20th but I will say like I've never felt so proud that both of my co-hosts are in a movie together and I've just been sort of like that's been my Flex to everyone lately I've noticed you do have like a sense of Pride about it which is so nice I do cuz it's like Bobby's my co-host you're my co-host are you kidding me I'm so extra special I I saw okay here we go I no I have something to show you can we finish yeah yeah go ahead go ahead we finish I got to finish the Nick's goose and stuff and Nick is going to hate me talking about it okay but you were there that day I was you felt bad for me I I cuz I remember you I mean having problems and looking down at you and seeing your peripheral down right cuz you know what I mean and you're just being so concerned for me I cuz I've been in in your position and there is nothing more there it's such high pressure like if you're not getting something right whether it's the lines like you know I've been in a situation exactly like this but a little different where I will just tell you guys right now it was the worst day of my life when I were was on Workaholics and I had to do two lines this was like Dave had written for the show but didn't write there anymore so it was all his friends and Dave had come to set and I they were telling me to be sarcastic and somehow I literally didn't know what sarcasm was even though I was working in comedy at that point like seven and a half years wow yeah and they kept trying and trying and like literally was like the sweat the like lights on you I couldn't and like finally they had to like when then when Dave got there there were like like Dave had to come in and help me the way he helped you yeah he's a great he's great at it he's and like they just kind of had to force line read I just I I yeah that's what happened I want to I'm want to say what happened to me I guess then because I've never said this before that's been air and I don't think you should cut this part out because it's like same thing happened to me when I did Spades movie The Wrong Missy oh I remember this you remember that I absolutely remember this so what happened was and every time I tell this story I always tell them to cut it out but I don't want you to cut it out cuz I'm going to say it in a way where it's going to be more positive okay okay so Dave asked me to do the wrong missing I go I read it and it's like one line and it's shot in Hawaii so go why can't you just get a local to do it he I just really want you to do it it's like oh my God all right and here's another thing casting is so weird it's so weird not only that it's also everyone I know that's in the movie has funny things to do I mean they just have great Parts they could run around be zeny like Laur you know lapus and wowski all these guys right just having a blast I have to say one like welcome to the hotel that's basic my only line welcome to alwani Hotel whatever it was right so I'm sitting there and um Dave Spade approaches the desk I go welcome to Al Whatever the hotel whatever I say it and I hear C and Adam Sandler comes to me right and right I didn't even know he was there he's not directing you know he's producing it but I don't know he was there and he basically goes yeah man not more real like what are you doing and and when that H when you're under like a pressure situation where the lights are on you there's hundreds of people around right and I look at Adam go what okay we'll just do it again right welcome to the hotel whatever cut yeah man it's like it doesn't feel like acting right and now what H this for my forehead split open and it's like sh it's Hawaii one line one line sweat just my face you right and I look at Dave Spade and Dave goes I'm sorry like Whispers it I must have in that line 20 times and every time it got worse and worse to the point where you're like I don't think I'm speaking English I must not not speaking English right it's so real that once you know you're doing bad you only can get worse it gets worse you get in your mind especially with people like us you start spinning but is it even does it make it worse when you only have one or two lines yes that's another thing yes it's because when everyone's talking you repeat the line over over in your head you hear mean welcome because you're like if they're going to give me my one moment I just all I have I have to kill this I have to kill this one line if I don't hit this line I'm a loser right and it's like you you're not even really acting cuz it's like when you're acting you're you're in a scene but when when it's like one or two lines you just have to get the line out yeah yeah and then and then you there's exercises you do like this is a exercise red leather yellow leather red leather yellow leather red leather yellow leather that's supposed to untie right so seriously Spade's walking to [ __ ] thing I one line walk in my head go he goes hello I go hotel right and you you when it's coming out you know it's wrong yeah right you're like the other thing that's going through my mind in that situation is like I'm such a small part of this that all I'm here to do is make this go easier for like the big Parts like they're putting all their time and that that's the movie but when you're one line it's like you're you're just like a prop basically so you just know you have to kill it so it's like if you don't you're just a nothing like you just nothing it's so and now you're just holding up yeah you're holding up something for you're wasting time yeah and then people are blushing for you other actors are completely blushing and you're looking you're like I should kill myself right after this I'm going to literally kill myself I think that you almost did and I think almost did you went to strip steak after that no this what you Jean on that so this is what this is so this is is a lesson in life so on the van ride back I'm literally like tears welling up on my eyes vibrating like this right I'm going to kill myself you know what I mean so I go to the hotel and I go I just got to get something to eat so I go to this shitty Japanese restaurant that's a part of the hotel I'm at the bar and like the only thing I remember reading is wons I'm sitting eating W I don't even know won I hate them but I'm sitting there eating wons and I hear next to me yo you're Bobby Lee and I look over and this Korean guy sitting there his similar big head and I go yeah and he goes oh my name is Jean I'm like I don't give a [ __ ] I I go oh oh yeah he's like yeah we met at the Earth bar 15 years ago on Santa Monica and I go oh yeah he goes you complimented me on my jeans and I go oh we were wearing raw denim he's like yeah and he goes they were APC jeans I go oh yeah but they rip you know when you know when you wear them a lot they rip in the crot he goes yeah yeah yeah we started talking about that and then I go what do you do he goes I'm what like the executive producer of Magnum PI right and so I worked on community and all these shows and he go and he goes let me write a part for you on Magnum and I go okay right and then you know ever since then I did what 12 full episodes of Magnum like I became almost a series regular like you know what I mean like like a family that show became so it's like because I said yes to David because I was being helpful for him and his project even though the day went really bad although FYI I love Adam I've talked to him many many times since then and um he's super sweet and I love him and I it wasn't a knock on him I think I just was didn't just wasn't my day it happened it happen so then I um and then you know I you know said yes to this thing and then something better happened that better for me cuz Jean then I mean now is like one of my closer friends he's one of Dave's best friends too crazy that you accident you met him just on accident in Hawaii it's like I I I honestly believe and people are going to go no it's all coincidence but I'm I I've been alive for 52 years and I honestly believe that the things that I've experienced even the bad stuff it all just sort of worked out and it also just kind of put me in a direction here's here's what they say in AA when I was 17 they said even if you write down all your dreams on a piece of paper 20 years from now if 20 years from now even if you stay sober you're going to get so much more and you're going to get things that you didn't even expect right like you know none of the things that I have experienced in the last 25 27 years I've been in the business I planned or even dreamt about like there was no podcasting when I started doing standup but it's like it put me in a direction where I was like this is what's supposed to to happen I feel like this is the right direction and it's I live a really big exciting life now granted there's a lot of pain that comes with that we've all exp I've experienced that you know I mean with the highs come the lows we all that's life that's life but also no that's F I do also want to add to that that Adam has been so supportive of drugstore June he came to the set he came to a screening like took everybody out to to eat he's just been so supportive and loves the movie and has said like we got to get this out there like he's going to promote on social media so he's very proud of the movie too I also want also say this about Adam cuz Jackie is in it too his wife is in it she's amazing and she's such a girl she plays one of the detective with and and six months ago me and Andrew were in Detroit and we I get a call from Adam and Adam goes yo dude we're doing a show down the street obviously he's playing like a 20,000 seat Arena but me and um Andrew and he goes come eat with us afterwards so he invited me and Andrew to um the steakhouse and it was Adam um Kevin James Rob Schneider was there bunch of people I know our tour manager's brother you know had some difficulties mentally and his favorite movie was water boy and my our tour MERS were expressing that to Adam like you know you know he just grew up cuz he relates to water boy so I remember Adam FaceTiming him oh that's so oh yeah and going hey man thank you for being a fan so um you know I love that guy a lot and he's a great guy you know but um anyway I don't know why I just said that but let's move on um drugstore June it what does it come out February 23rd I'm really happy and proud of you both random I have a great seg that's very Valentine's um day themed yeah have any of you guys um seen or heard about what's happening with Drake No as of yesterday I saw his delicious penis online oh so you did see it it's long it's delicious what but can I say this too you don't hold the base so he had his erection and he he was holding the base of his penis and he squeezed it to make it more you know I mean veiny and I just don't like that I actually think he's being very casual and relaxed about it why is this online what's going on who did like is this like a girl that he I guess it was a right yeah he must have sent this to a girl and then it got leaked and that girl go yourself the beautiful penis of Drake he gives you a gift what's you how do you rate his penis oh 9.5 for sure what do you like about it long one color black it's not even zoomed in you don't know like if it's tricolor or not or one color yeah but just from a far I mean I'm not going to get I'm sure if I get a closeup of his penis I can find imperfection oh there's a freckle okay so you don't like that he's holding the base why you don't like that he's holding the Bas well now that I didn't see him masturbating the photo that's the photo I saw him squeezing the base they're going look at how big my dick is but if it's mid-stroke then you know I mean I let that slide it's long but can I say something about his penis though right now it's long but I'm I have to admit mine's [Laughter] thicker you see like do you do you men in comedy do you guys all show each other your your penises I've kissed Andrew's sack before sack yeah yeah but penis sack is very like non but I've seen the penis I've seen crusher's penis and his butthole and his taint why is that I saw it on TV I feel like it's the same reason we shows we were shooting a show his show the cabin oh and he did this thing where we I gave him a colonic right so he was bent over and I was stick you know when you stick a tube in somebody's butthole I was giving a Cofe anim or something and I looked and it's these bull [ __ ] you know what I mean testicles I saw the penis and I I have to say not as good as Dres but probably a good eight 7.5 I have a question about the Drake video okay um when you are um like chuk chuk like that when you were when you yeah CH Chu is how what does chuk chuk really mean I see I'll tell you what chuk chuk means okay chuk chuk means it's not a actual cream word like if there was a Websters Dictionary in Korea they wouldn't call it Websters either they probably dictionary it wouldn't be in the dictionary I thing chuk chuk and I asked a Korean dude once this older man I go what does chuk chuk mean he go he goes oh it's a it's a you know it sex I go but white chuk choke and he goes what that is what it sound like I go I've never anyone that heard ch ch what do you sound what do you hear oh God oh my God what does that sound accurate since you guys have obviously had that together that's you that was a dead impr impression of your vagina when it's wet e do you have memories oh yeah ew B what do you mean instilled in my brain baby would you would be able to pick my out of a lineup 100 a th000 visually God we should have played this game I should have sent you guys pictures yeah not sound just on looks alone 100% really memorized there's a study that showed that guys remember details of sexual encounters a th% more than wom and girls have amnesia if I if I was going to describe a painting what it's like you know that classic painting of that man yeah Who's the artist for that that's such a good impression you need to have that in your eyes yeah yeah that's what your vagina looks like like a painting you need to do that in your ass yeah so that's what it looks like painting wise oh I I accept that you're you're that's an iconic painting yeah yeah it's called The Scream oh the scream your vag right there dude that's a horrifying painting if you had a friend and they were like I painted this what would you you wouldn't think it was good right I would think it was oh yeah you're right I think that's interesting I think I'd be like that's scary man let me okay let's say I painted that I go es I just painted that what's what do you think oh uh that already that it means it's bad are you what is it about for you well it's just my inter fears and I think it's it it resembles for me I don't know but that's what your vagina looks like but my point is this okay what is my penis look what painting you know what I mean I I imagine my my my penis is like a dolly painting no it's not a painting it's more like a a like a like an Asian delicacy that's great yeah like at a nice restaurant we have this thing called um bub it's kind of this like uh no it's um God there's another word for it that might be more specific but it's basically rice but it's like purple and white rice and it's like wrapped in banana leaves because of the TR color but also if we were just going to go with basic American foods I said this thousand times like neopolitan ice cream cuz you you have the TR color you have the strawberry van color anymore because I'm working on that you know how are you working you're getting your stuff lightened I got the cream yeah well I got the well check it out I got the cream from my liver spots oh I think this is very this is prescription strength and you should be very careful about putting it down there bur it burns is it like hydrocone yeah I've been doing it on just the brown stripper on my penis I would be ter yeah yeah yes yes oh yes oh yes and I've been pting around it but then it burns like a I don't know that I us use White Strips cre I've using white strips around my penis straight bleach I have has anyone is that truly like an insecurity of yours has any girl ever said huh that's a weird color variation no they've never mentioned but I've seen this before if they they're blowing me in the light they'll go like this but we do that with everyone no but it was no watch watch slow the motion this look and in that in this right I don't know what's going on in the brain but it can't be good what do you think they're thinking I'm she's basically like I'm a fan I'm a fan I'm a fan I'm a fan he get through it or whatever he's funny heun funny he's funny he's funny he's funny you know what I mean but I you know at my age though I'm like I don't care but you just said you just put like petrochemicals on your burning your penis no I'm wondering if it works I don't think it's like I don't really care I'm just like it is this going to work the one thing I've heard about that cream cuz I have sunspots too and I like got some and was going to use it and then I read that like it never leaves your bloodstream oh it's like corn it's like corn like they say corn everything we have so much corn in our bodies if we analyze the our hair follicles corn will show up corn and we're made of corn and plastic plastic yeah yeah anyway um will you've heard that yeah yeah so you never used it I stopped using it yeah can I tell you something about your face sure I would take this jacket off how about your face I've always enjoyed your face I know I know you but the one thing if I were to change it yeah oh no I mom is here what mom my mom is here oh yeah no no it's it's nothing about I think'll probably agree let me say something about your mom I'm say something to your mom okay you did a great job with her that's not true no let me say something right be I'll tell you why because when I when I look at you and I look at people that are my friends especially in this business I go it's I I I the resilience the I me no thank you the fortitude you know what I mean the you walk through so much [ __ ] and fear right and you don't quit that shows so much about tells me so much about you thank you your character you know and so I think you did a great job and congratulations here's my negative should we do this over a banana yeah yeah give me a banana give me the ripest one I don't care what it is yeah get out of here now thank you so me to her you can't physically abuse the producer yeah yeah I'm sorry I love you it's just you're showcasing too many veins on your temple that's all I want say oh that's cuz I'm like translucent right that's like a color issue I don't like it she's just light skinned yeah okay get a tan let's move on Mom I have a question yeah how have you been enjoying the bed you've been sleeping on in my guest bedroom I love it I didn't realize it was a helix it's it's really good isn't it we're a helix household to every single mattress in every single room my mom's house my sister's myself all Helix Bobby's Helix we've been a helix family for I'd say at least the last 5 years and I will never switch to another mattress what I I love about the Helix is that they have every single type of variety mattress that your body needs for example um I'm Aid sleeper and I run pretty hot so I chose the midnight mattress and you have the option to upgrade to the Lux which is the thicker mattress if that's what you're into that's what I have I have the midnight Lux because I knew for me it was going to be the guest bedroom mattress it was going to be something like it's a mattress we're putting in the baby's room so you know maybe I'm going to be sleeping in there some times maybe Dave my family and honestly everyone who has slept on it is giving rave reviews I'm always like how how's the mattress how's mattress I'm such a good host H and Helix has a guarantee they know that there's no better way to test out a new mattress other than just by sleeping on it in your own home that's why they offer a 100 night trial and a 10 to 15E warranty to try out your new Helix mattress like I just feel like it's really complicated to find mattresses and that's why Helix has made everything so simple the fact that you can try it for 100 days and still send it back like it's just really they make it so convenient yeah and if you have um lower back problems or um if your spine needs a little um extra TLC Helix is the mattress for you because they have a hybrid design combining individually wrapped steel coils in the base with premium foam layers on top it's the perfect combination of comfort and support and I know personally like my I'm getting older my joint are um feeling a little different my lower back is feeling a little different and my Helix mattress has been nothing but delicious sleeps every single night and Mom you don't sleep well that's why I'm shocked you're sleeping well at my house well I mean my mattress at home I have a I wake up every morning my back hurts and now it doesn't so and your dad you know keeps saying we should get a new mattress and I'm seriously I think this is it oh my God we have one mic sold today oh my gosh you guys Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners go to helixsleep.com tr Tuesday and use code Helix partner2 this is their best offer yet and it won't last long with Helix better sleep starts now I will say with you know like not liking the way women react to the colors of your penis I've thought a lot about this because you know like I'm pregnant my body's going through changes like I'm not super secure about all of them and I'm just thinking like in the future for me possibly I'm going to be committed for a while to sex acts being in pitch black dark and I think that could solve that could just like solve all the problems but I feel like men are not into pitch black sex as much as women are okay they need to see things so it's like there has to be a happy medium somewhere yes Bobby you had something which mean which tells me before you were having just bright sex yes yes Ah that's like Psychopathic right like never had that's crazy you change it up it's not you I just know what Dave looks like my point is is you know I mean wow um I love Dave very talented but um nice guy all right so in so now can this happen can you turn off all the lights and light a couple of candles yeah good but will you would they are you going to light a candle and actually set the scene Bobby without burning down someone's home no no no she's saying I'm I I wouldn't do it oh you wouldn't do pitch black no I mean i' I've um no offense but since you know K and I broke up I've been with a couple of women that have had kids and I look at their bodies and I and I really go I just I love it all yeah you know I mean I believe that um I've also can let me say something too I've also hooked up with some girls that are supposedly hot and it's like pass like no thank you what can you say more as to why it's their personalities it's Al it's their personalities it's also like just their world view bothers me yeah yeah like I only listen to Taylor Swift and that's it it's like come on dude my favorite movie is Elf really is Iconic great movie for the holidays I love it great movie but if that's your favorite movie of all time I think it's a great you have a no I I I disagree I think that's a great choice for a favorite movie because it elicits it's especially if you have some Nostalgia around Christmas especially if you're saying like she's a parent and it's something that she's bonded you know you know over her you know but I would see how I if a guy told me that was that elf was his favorite movie I would be a little bit like I wish you were a little smarter than that yeah I agree I wish you liked Munich or like just Munich with Eric B just like something about the world it makes you think yeah like a comfort movie is elf. right but a favorite movie it's embarrassing I would say it's so it's like Taylor Swift it's so Everyone likes it which I understand but yeah when girls go she's the best Taylor Swift fine I've listened to some of her music I think she's great I think Jack helps the right what's his name Jack an anof right he's a I love the bleachers and what they have together is a great team and some of the songs are great mind you but I have to ask these women I go when you're at the concerts and you see 8-year-old girls screaming near you that's the mentality where you at so funny I never really thought and like you know I mean you look I disagree yeah I have a point to make about that let's argue okay I'm going to win my point to make about this is that like we like songs for different reasons and I what's great about Taylor Swift songs is that sometimes I just like it for the melody and the easiness of it all and there are other times where I relist to it at a different time in my life and all of a sudden the lyrics are like jumping out at me and all of a sudden I I I relate to it so it's like you have an 8-year-old who's just in it for the melody and you have you know a 40-year-old who's like oh my God like August is making cry kind Simpsons like go ahead excuse me okay you so aggressive I'm not being aggressive I'm not being aggressive okay what's going on but if that's the only thing you listen to you have a point there and that's I'm not kidding you four girls I've gone on dates with that's the only thing and they refus to open like the other day I was like with you know you I'll let me tell same thing about Andrew Santino when we go to a restaurant or any environment or backstage where there's like a speaker and there's Bluetooth he always has to be the DJ J you mean he's the one that's doing the Bluetooth and connecting it and also you know what I mean paring it I I'm like what I know music you know he always you know he's that kind of guy is he like a top 40 hits kind of guy no he has dude Santino oh I think he's like a rap guy no what what is this going to be I'm scared number one I love him and number two he his wealth of knowledge of all things would Boggle youring mind dude yeah it's large or small oh so large like that's why I'm okay with him bluetoothing it because he educates me yeah because if you were the Bluetooth guy I mean everyone would be sad and down and depressed for the rest of the day exactly cuz it's all Red House Painters it's all you the one the one thing I will say that I love that you play a lot as Neil's fromom I I I play a lot of good things yeah you do but it is generally of The Melancholy let me say something to you okay name a happy song you just listened to me yeah pale blue eyes oh yeah Velvet Underground sad Dave likes that thank you I love that song Let music to me there are two playlists yeah he's a big Wilco guy too okay in my house I have my sad playlist but I have a playlist where oh there's a group of people I want to play this there's some Al Green you are such a liar you're a liar you're a ly piece of [ __ ] and let me say something about you around lying piece of [ __ ] right now and you're trying to paint a picture that's deceiving tell and go yourself let's move on publicly he wants to be the emo Melancholy Brian Eno guy but when when we are lying we've lied down together many nights as a couple and I can hear Demi levado blasting but you would never never admit to that publicly you want to be Bri I don't even know who that is who is a demi what love Demi lato I don't know who that is and that's up you would even say that I don't know who that is I rest my case I rest my case you'll never admit to it I'll never admit to what loving the robado was is it Lev whatever he knows who she is Stella don't need to bring him bring her up do you like Lana Del re she's like sad I've never heard of her what Bobby I love I love that last album was so good okay of heard let me go back to Andrew okay so like he'll play like something will come on and I'm I I'm I'll go who is this and he'll go oh you don't know Warren zon right and I and I'll write it down right so it's like I don't know why he even came into this but I'm just saying you know I mean I trust him why why did it go into I forget oh wait Taylor Swift even oh Taylor Swift right what your beef with Taylor Swift oh my beef with Taylor Swift I don't know why or your beef with the girls that only like Taylor Swift right so what I'm saying is I'm basically want to date a girl like Andrew that's like that knows you know what I mean this sort of like validates our whole theory that like boys just want to be with boys yes you guys just want to be together Dave even admits to it he's like yeah I would love to just date my friends yeah if Andrew had a vagina learn more if yeah but it's like even I'm sorry I don't start a war but learn more oh my God okay yes but even not you two girls well let me ask you something I'll I would you say that here we go here we go let's play a game can we play a game actually don't we have a music game no I can I listen I'm here uh may I play a game yeah you may I don't know you okay okay right I don't know you you're not pregnant we're on our first dat okay I'm going to ask you some questions that I usually ask to get to just just to see you just to see if we're on the same wavelength I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be on a date with Bobby all right no I'm not it's not going to be like hey welcome oh we eat no we're we're at dinner we're already did all that okay let me ask you something name me three Scorsese movies killers of the flower Moon The Departed some I feel like I'm on the spot I can't I can't think of it okay good okay two out of three is great yeah right next question already you beat 99.9% of the people already you know I mean I know it's shallow what I'm saying is it shallow it's actually not shallow because I think it's cool to want someone who has your same interest what would be shallow is if you're like I don't care what she says she's hot like that's shallow to be but I think the the alternative too is if she doesn't know and if she knows this is something like you're super into for her to be like oh like can you recommend movies that you're reading it wrong to me it's like I can't even fathom why you wouldn't know anything not one right are you a part of planet Earth do you have any interest in culture but why are your likes the only thing that matter and here's the thing no listen well I'm sorry I don't want to say that I love you you know what I mean like your interests are not the only thing that other people should be interested about weo a week ago I hung out with a woman she has she had kids young you know I was just thrown into responsibility and working and right I get it right so I go well have you seen these movies she no and I go well I think you should maybe watch she goes I'm willing give me a list and she watched all of them really see that's what I'm talking about I don't care if but a lot of women are not even open like no elf is it Taylor Swift is it and and when they're like that I'm like oh well you're just [ __ ] I'm sorry to even use that term I feel guilty but that's the word there's no other word for it so let let me ask you some more okay okay oh so too that's great did you like The Departed I actually love The Departed great but I did recently rewatch it and realize I didn't when I was loving it in college I didn't understand any of it but you understand it now but the Departed is not the original right um that's why I loved her oh my God or that see when I dated her at day one I'm like oh it [ __ ] it's not it's originally a a Hong Kong movie what I mean I should just go and it's called infernal Affairs yeah see that's what I'm saying that's what I like and why you know that cuz I'm a movie She's a part of planet Earth and she's willing to learn things no but also that's like that's unfair cuz I'm a movie buff my dad was I watched a lot of like that's fine I get it but even but honestly though like that song that one movie What's it with the dogs oh um h no not bever Amores peros what did you say per chihuaha that was funny no it's by the date is not going well it's not going well it's an inaru film it's called amor I never seen it I watched it with her and I I thought it was [ __ ] amazing like I want to be able to go oh thank you for your in G showing me something that I I wasn't privy to you know I'm really glad that this is you're saying this because my whole young life I'm like it's just about looks but then you realize you got to know stuff too for guys to like you oh that's most of it I know I that's most of it I'm learning this too late no am my your 20s now I didn't care yeah or you're breathing I mean basically you know I mean your eyeballs work let's go you know what I mean when you get after 35 you're like no I can't do it I just picture Bobby in his 20s on a date with a set of lungs and eyes just a hole in a heartbeat just just the lungs the eyes there's nothing else except the cartoon yeah well it do be vagina too a vagina lungs eyes I'm good well this is a relief to know at least that like you are looking for something substantial and not just like looking for the next hot chick well I can I say sometimes what you're looking for been right what I know what you're trying to say I know what you're trying to say and it's not the right time okay okay sorry to say it keep going what you're basically saying is I should go back to Colo no no no I don't mean that she didn't say that I I'm so sorry I did not she was talking about her her okay we've got some what is this these are bad Valentine stories from our slugs and um we need your input and advice go ahead okay I wore sexy red lingerie under my clothes for my ex to take off he didn't see the lingerie because he was too bloated for sex no no vday present also so basically this girl went out of her way yeah to buy sexy lingerie put it on um wore it under her clothes and the guy was like no I'm too bloated for sex and he also didn't get her anything for Valentine's sounds a little bit like someone we know huh yeah you know I you know um I I I can't I mean I I don't want to defend the guy I just want to hear your point of VI well number one I I I feel like they've been in a relationship for a while right and I get it and it's okay for a man to go unbloated and I don't want to have sex right now it is okay for a man say because you guys are always tired or I'm not mentally you know it's like we can do it to correct yeah but I will say that a sexual rejection from a man is really hard for me same and it's hard for me when a woman rejects me as well touche it somehow it just I can't I don't believe it's the same kind of pain I'll tell you why we're used to the pain no because women are supposed to be the object of Desire like for us to feel horny we we we have to be the object of Desire like there was a time in society where the guy had to go hit on the girl and we had to get rejected over you think that [ __ ] was [ __ ] easy it was hard there was a lot of sadness involved but we did it yeah but it's a boohoo you get a little bit of sness go yourself no it's in your biology to want Chase and to want to pursue and good but when you're sensitive like me I was so sensitive and I hate rejection me my parents rejected me oh Bobby I'm sorry that's so funny to go there yeah my parents rejected me and so my and so um when when later in life you know I had toing put myself out there and get rejected over and over again and then not only that I get it with Hollywood no no no no right it's all these knows so grow up yeah he's bloated Bob's impression of Hollywood no no no no no Ken Jung Ken Jang Ronnie Chang r Jimmy oang Ken Jang Ken Jang Ronnie Chang that's what I get you got a star on the Walk of Fame yeah Kena yeah congratulations Ken my point is this so I don't like this guy is allowed to say he's blowed I'm sorry next question but that what about the lack of effort on the other stuff it's okay like he didn't get her anything why do you need stuff because you want to feel like held in mind um do you care about Valentine is it something that you at least want Dave to acknowledge okay everyone knows that for my first Valentine's Day with Dave he got me a mug great and I was like are we co-workers no what did the mug say nothing now what greater you know why he's he he wants to it's an empty cup and he wants to do the thing with you I don't know anyway make any sense I am not a big holiday girl it's just holidays have always been a hard area for me but I do this would upset me but I would also I'm so insecure I would like know not to set myself up for this kind of rejection like it's almost like why I dress in sweatpants and like look like [ __ ] all the time I don't if I feel and look like I'm trying and then I'm going to get rejected it will destroy my whole world and so I feel for her but I'm like it's almost like I'm so insecure that I've prevented this from ever happening to me because I'm so scared have you ever put on lingerie for a partner or just never yes when I've been in a situation finally where I felt like someone wanted that and like maybe we went out and got it together yes Bobby we don't give a [ __ ] get naked that's what does it it's like when I open up a Christmas present right right I open it up oh there's another layer let me get to the present I think there this there's a lot of men like this and then there are some that are like they it the turn on is like that the woman put an effort and tried it's not even it's like when you wear red red laundry it's like what am I in Deadwood at the brothel I mean that's what it looks like red lace this is like it's like get that out but that's your preference like you've never cared when I would wear like granny 5000s I love Granny 3000s and he just isn't a lingerie guy that's just what he I don't know a guy that likes it by the way we also shared underwear you like it I've heard both sides thank you Mom Mom why oh my god I didn't even know my dad doesn't like it my mom is off off camera going Dad yeah yeah and we all know that's just cuz he doesn't want you to spend money on it like sometimes you know you'll see a girl that I shave my pits for you or whatever that's nice or you know sometimes you know how you're in in relationship and they they sometimes you let the leg hairs grow you know what I mean and they're like Valentine's Day I shaved everything that's nice you appreciate it appreciate that I notice that yeah some bushy pit yeah I'm like oh you shaved it that's nice and you smell nice those things matter like effort next question okay here we go I found out I got a girl pregnant and it turned out out to be my ex-wife's cousin all on Valentine's Day what does he do what does this guy do I don't understand what I what do I mean he got a girl pregnant who was his ex-wife's cousin yeah yeah all on Val ex-wife's cousin first cousin yeah you I feel like that cousin should know what they were they knew what they were doing right it's too close for comfort for me right yeah like if I started dating like a cousin of yours oh that c cousin would die shame not die but it would be like it would be bad yeah like I think the cousin was coming for for him I think so I don't care how hard my cousin goes up for her she's not going to do it I know that for a fact yeah like if you were to um so much as like talk to anyone in my inner or outer or third concentric circle like I would have both of your necks just saying just saying okay in the same way that you would kill your cousin just because it's like that's disrespectful like there's a whole big world out there like find find it outside of like my associations you know what I mean okay you know what I mean I do thank you next one okay can I say something go ahead I'm really sick of like a lot of the big male podcasters kind of like giving you [ __ ] about doing a podcast with Kila just because she's your ex and I don't understand why people are obsessed with like thinking that that's something bad that you're doing do you I want to know like when they're saying that to you cuz I know you when you're in the pressure Zone and someone's like there's no pressure zone no what what is your opinion of when they do that well their opinion doesn't affect my decisions on anything I don't give a [ __ ] okay um I could say some things about them as well yeah that I you know but for me it's like I do what I want to do yeah you know what I mean and it's a good podcast not just that um she's my best friend in the whole world I I honestly there's probably only like two or three people in the world I trust like with my life and she's one of them I I trust her with every aspect of my life and that's never going to change and um you know I'm sorry like I know Comics that are like how can you even be friends with your ex you know I go well that's you you your relationship with your whoever you're you you viewed it only as a sexual relationship contract when I'm in a relationship it's not about that it it has to be a part of it but it's like no do I love this person are we friends do I trust I mean you you know what I mean do you like the things that we were talking about the things that we share and this and that and over time that's why I'm in a relationship it's not about the sex so my point is that also like people forget that he is extremely close with Sarah Highland who he dated before me Christine my other one um before Sarah you know after Sarah um sorry um she was like Hey I want to come to the store I go yeah I may set up this whole thing where her and her husband her friends got to have a good night I love her I love all you know and if Jasmine my other girlfriend back way back in the day called me and asked for a favor I would do it it's kind of one of the reasons why I respected him more cuz he was on good terms with his exes on good terms with his but he respected them as people he didn't view them as just like he said like simply sexual things like he built friendships with these people that's that's why okay like I know this word gets used a lot and people get upset about it but like it does feel to me when I see that cuz I watch all the podcast and stuff like I'm a fan too it does feel like this like misogynistic point of view that like if a woman is if you're done with her what how could you still be talking to her like I think it's because this idea that somehow like I'm still reaping the benefits or you know like all of that stuff where it's like dude she's you know still she's your ex like cut her off as if like I'm somehow going to be destitute but I see your close friends Instagram stories and it's like Bobby at your family parties like running around with his shirt off Dancing with your relatives who I've never even met and so I'm like people don't see the full picture and I don't know it just bothers me I don't give a [ __ ] what people think about me in that way yeah I mean why would I give a all right I mean I'm going to throw some names out fee anoir and Harlin Williams I almost got a fist fight with those guys at the comedy star cuz they were like going how could you do a podcast with somebody that was your ex and I go you guys dude first of all that's weird that once you break up with somebody you never see them again then what was the relationship about son I mean sometimes it's warranted if it's like an abusive one like you need to get the out and never talk because I have exes for sure that like I would literally light on fire sure sure sure in those kind of things but if you had a healthy relationship with another human being and you know it's just you guys drifted apart emotionally and you don't see them ever again then I think the relationship was was contractual I think it might just be people also just projecting like how they feel about their ex onto you yeah like why would why do they care why is it such an obsession is it because it comes from the fact that they think they're somehow like giving him good brotherly advice protecting him from me like the do you know what I mean honest could I with I don't hear it it could also be like a generic talking point honestly I honestly don't hear it anyway I mean I I've read some things online commenting on it but it's like I don't care I do want to say thank you for doing this show can I do my new fear right now yeah it's an insane fear okay my so I'm doing a show with Burt and Tom in Vegas I'm not advertised okay this is going to sound crazy my fear is and we have a guest you know guy Bobby Lee and people are going to go boo that is but that's my fear it's like you are so obviously the best case scenario for that no but I think so too and they think so but like I sometimes I feel like are they going to boo yeah but if I knew he was going to be on it I wouldn't have bought a ticket okay like if it was some like like youth pastor and it was like some Church like some you know what I mean what's a big church um that Jus Bieber and all of them go to okay Mosaic not Mosaic um but let's suppose they bring you out yeah I could understand the boo but like your audience crosses over almost like 95% on Earth would that would they boo maybe 80% 20% I don't know do you think that yeah of course then why is yours I don't know Esther now we should go to Vegas and boo him or sometimes I'll Tom have you ever done this we like when we did uh so and I did um Mothership yeah it was so fun it was so fun the shows were so good the crowds were so good so good but one of the shows I went up on stage and there was like a guy to my left I know his face beard kind of chunky and he was just like no expression why does the human mind focus on that one why does I do that I'm killing but I'm looking at one guy going he's going to eat me but I think that's normal to always look out for things that might hurt you versus for things that are because you have to your body has to like phally defend itself from harm so like if that is going to emotionally hurt you yeah that is D you also nailed it by saying why does the human mind you didn't say why do I it's like it is the human mind no I know a lot of people do that oh my God 100% do that I would say like you could I could write I I could read 90 really sweet messages and all it takes is one for me to be like my day and I just just want to be like Dan Cook and just be like you know I mean not him but like I for once I wanted to be like I'm the great I'm the best like delusional narcissistic I don't want you to be that way you want that one day like I'm the opposite I'm like you know I mean why do they want me you know I mean but I want to one day just walk out of my house going yeah I think you have those days I do sometimes anyway thanks for having me on I got to have a cigarette before I do this pitch thing thank you for being my movie thank you for being funny in it and being my co-star we wrote the part for you 10 years ago so thank you for you know the joy is all mine and I'll tell you I've worked with you before in other acting thing yeah we worked on we're on love together together your show you were such a favorite episode anyway um God bless you and thanks for having me bye [Music] guys oh

Channel: Trash Tuesday

Views: 269,406

Keywords: khalyla kuhn, annie lederman, esther povitsky, podcast, tigerbelly, khalyla podcast, meanspiration, esther club, stand up, comedy, big mood, morning toast, khalyla, stand up comedy, whitney cummings, comedy store, bobby lee, interview, special, blood bath, good for you, trash tuesday

Id: Wtbf0JbLMso

Length: 65min 59sec (3959 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 13 2024