A rough week & staying positive: Reading vlog #55 | Book Roast

[Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] hello vvv is gonna be so annoying me for leaving again oh I'm so sorry oh submission didn't even make it to the carpet hi buddy hello like a warm hello so as you can tell we just go back for a second there I thought we landed in the wrong country cause it's so far this is being a little angry at me for leaving and I'm leaving for more for my five more days he doesn't know that but he wasn't very well taken care of which I'm forever grateful for Cody for doing that but yeah and we are well we are doing nothing I am gonna go upload the vlog that I actually added Ted doing my flight I haven't done that thumbnail yet or anything so I'm gonna go upload that I also need to pack everything I missed I got so much I'm gonna be so sad to go again but I'm excited to see the teammates I'm just uploading my vlog well actually I'm just watching Cody's blog while I upload and make the thumbnail on whatever when were you okay there were you doing [Music] i party if you just give up but use as finally for giving me a bit now you just want a clingy stage so you might remember how I mentioned I was having a little bit of a breathing like difficulty at some point but it just got really bad yesterday just before bed and I couldn't breathe properly that obviously triggered anxiety and I got so dizzy and I still can't really breathe that well all day I didn't sleep at all so this is also why but I kept like even when I was so tired and I dozed off I would jump up from like taking it I feel like I'm not breathing I'm breathing I just like it my brain and my body things and I'm not like I'm suffocating even though I went the emergency doctors in the morning because like if I started like it's a panic attack but then it didn't go away so nice that the whole night and like like the numbness from my neck and the spasms from my next went away but anyway I went to the doctors and they told me to stop the beta blockers but we're not sure that that's causing it it might just be like try go crushed health is my trigger which is so I'm supposed to take that but I mean reason that I'm frustrated is that I feel like a failure cuz I can control this and I was actually feeling excited yesterday I was happy my chain today is at 1 o'clock but I'm not taking it and I feel like I'm letting the whole team down I had some like simple tests that done in the tipi and everything seems fine so as far as we know it's just like a beetle blockers can constrict your legs a little bit and obviously me having panic attacks and like comes like in a circle so that triggers a panic attack panic attack triggers that to close out even more and it's like a vicious circle so I've stopped taking beta blockers at least for now but it was so weird because I was completely fine for the previous 10 days I didn't even have a little bit of a breathing issue more so angry and like I'm working and I'm supposed to go to London just feeling as a liability you know it's not I was the best of you language but as I said I will keep it real and today I just feel like you know when you're underwater and you swimming and you dive and you like try and be in the water for as much as you can and then just before you feel like you're gonna suffocate you like take a gulp of air like you surface I feel like that like tightness but this is just hanging I just don't know how to fix anything that frustrates me even more like don't I don't have a coping mechanism for this anyway great great stuff anyway oh I had a consultation with a doctor and then I had a child mom and stuff like that I really struggle with not feeling reliable there's basically nothing else that I hate more than letting my health influence my professionalism and my productivity is two things that really bother me more than anything else so it's very difficult for me to deal with these kind of situations even more so than it normally would be which is not a walk in the park to begin with but doctors recommendations which we're against any travel to basically like lay low and try and do things that Sood used to like to relax your nervous system and like get rid of the tightness and stuff like that and also because I have stopped a beta blockers to like obviously be on the lookout for any type of worrisome symptoms and that's better observed and you're like normal surroundings and stuff like that so it's nothing overbearing to your heart which has been hammering like crazy without them um but I know equal out and stuff it's been a day I already have a little bit of a headache but I'm hoping that's not because I stopped beatable girls which I'm so sad because it was so helpful but like I'm still gonna have a consultation another time when there's just passes I don't know if I even mentioned I don't even remember what I mentioned and it's just such a blur I've decided to I've just I'm just finishing up work and so I'd like to just like clean up my room and maybe meet something I didn't I feel like doing my hair but I really being unable to do something it feels like a defeat I know it's stupid but I know a lot of people also will relate to me feeling that way I'm working on that but it's very hard it's very hard but anyway if I would read something I would read um what's the call to my god torch against the night I guess I would like to actually maybe try and finish that before August which is before nades and I still really need to do a little prep for the news but I don't think I'm gonna bother myself with that just today be trying to be Zen and not guilt trip myself cuz I feel so much guilt being the way I am sometimes and it comes with the territory you think and just feel feel but I'm gonna try and move past bad we are sorry for that sad beginning of public let's hopefully turn this week around hello new day the way I'm feeling today though and the breathing thing is sort of going on so it's really warm but yeah anyway I put a little bit of effort into my face just recently you spoke a little bit uh pants around with some stories and your little Q anything and I'm actually I've actually message cody's to say maybe we can go into the park and she's lovely today yes excited about that hopefully we'll find some shade to just sort of like lounge and I think I'm gonna bring a blanket I'm very excited about this outing to the nearby park and after the work is done also I am bringing my torch against tonight I don't know how long shall be able to be there with me but like even if she has to go home or something I might try and read this positive my feeling the best but I'm trying to check myself into like having you know what I cannot change anything today so I am gonna try to long as best I can try not to take things seriously or to seriously where it can and just like enjoy life as much as I can and I will have at some point a couple of days maybe of just me trying to address this whole thing a bit more and make a little bit of a plan because I feel like I had a plan and it was going fairly well and I was just like in one day it just crumbled like with the whole my health stuff a plan and like just a plan in general I need to recalibrate my gears as I said I might actually film that and see what sort of steps I can take to like better myself or make the adjust adjust yes I've read like the first chapter back when I was in on my holiday so I would just be basically starting this on you hello we got outside sat on a fairly blank but yeah would Cody I don't know if I'm actually pointing at you which is having a lovely ketchup yeah and I think I actually read sin oh it's got another really warm that fielder yeah my get rained on soon yeah maybe but yeah what are you reading oh I'm reading To Kill a kingdom by I christow for the reading rush and I'm only like a hundred pages in but so far so good I'm enjoying it so far but we'll see mer come to the end I'm a little bit nervous it's gonna be like a super cringy romance because romance isn't my favorite thing oh that hopefully Nepal be good you read this no I haven't but I heard like really good things about it plus I watched like a creep your video before you came over here and he said it as gory so yeah a little bit yes that's a good thing - first of all how cute okay thank you yes torch against the night right yes yes only a chapter and still because I haven't started it properly but hopefully if we don't get rained on but which a pair like legitimately feels like it [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] sirens yeah yeah but that basically mermaids there are mammals in here but like sirens are the ones that like look like traditional mermaids like half human half like just like big fish like big fish like no mermaids look like big fish well I think that's what they look like anyway [Music] I'm only grown a caravel blanket because that happens one care eval where you know it will be like his kisses cases like new light and Stardust and it's like what what do you not yeah sometimes I just like because it happens all the time it's like how do you actually describe a kiss though and make it sound like interesting or captivating yeah it was a really nice kiss yeah yeah that always makes me laugh though every time it's like they kissed and it tasted like this and I'm like well what does moonlight taste like though cheese oh no all rather cheese and fish though yeah hello it's Friday I have absolutely no idea how in the hell is a Friday - Friday I got some book mail yesterday that I ordered because I really need something like that something very hard forming I think you guys could not recognize it sorry camera night wait I got heart-stopper by Ellis Osmond and this has been going around booktube and books the ground like everywhere and everyone's loving in and everyone things is super cute and like heartwarming and I really need something like that currently so I'm thinking maybe I'll read this at some point today but I also have a book book that was waiting for me since I got back so as always have allel envelope that has information on when the book club meets oh is that I love you KY a box and you have the clubhouse and so that I don't want to look at just yet because obviously it will spoil myself for the book oh there's a link to something called the sign zone where you can meet the authors of your feature tree so that they have sent us through an email so that's pretty cool but anyway let's get into the box and this is all the info on the items inside which seems like a lot okay okay so the first thing is this little flag that says I love books and it's like a felt type of material you can obviously hang this somewhere on your we can literally put you could put it on your bookshelf then we have the book that is massive is it maybe two books feels like it could be two books signature of the author here I'm assuming they're all gonna be UK authors because of the theme set hard stream says I just wanted to connect never heard of it and this one is almost so pretty it's like a metallic shiny one under a dancing star by Laura Wood and this is by Tom Pollock so those are the two books that came in this hard stream the app that allows you to feel everything in Becca is a star she's used a hard stream to broadcast every moment of her mother's illness it's the realest of raw as reality to be imaginable and it's everywhere on a day of her mother's funeral she goes home to find a fan of hers in the kitchen she's written herself and the house with explosives and she's been waiting to talk to Amy for a long time Amy's about to discover just how far true obsession can go whoa I want to read this like a lot that is intense and really piques my interest and then under a dancing star in 1930s England best one her married off to keep the family estate alive but she longs for adventure our golden somewhere in Italy with her bohemian uncle opens up a whole world which includes been a handsome infuriating artist sparks fly between the quick-witted pair until one night under the stars a challenge is set can they put aside their he is teasing and have the perfect summer romance there is only one rule they absolutely must not fall in love not gonna lie that there's no really call to me at all I was slightly nervous about the box because I'm not the biggest fan of English settings especially in the past and this is all about like a challenger set can be put aside they're teasing and have a perfect summer romance is that really a challenge I don't know I don't know you know but this sounds really good let me know if you have read this also let me know if you have read this and it's better than the synopsis makes it sound because sometimes you know obviously it's personal choice so it could be amazing oh there's like a thing I think it's for this ah I do love books accurate okay anyway next that we have made for book box club apple crumble apple pistachio taste fruit blend excuse me that is yes to that so we have some promotional bookmarks for a couple of things then we have this necklace oh it says book lovers really cute can you put it on oh I like the length of that a law perfect some promotional postcards this is for jelly and this is one does love become possession I think that's for the book that we got I know I know it's not I hold your heart is the book and then last item here is this cute bookshelf notebook that's really cute so we have some books from I'm assuming Yuki authors yeah I think it's from okay all those I see the bone season things bright girls can do yeah so that is pretty cool enough like blind which I like so that is the boss let me know what you guys thought I'm very doing shoot that one book like that synopsis did good but anyway I'm gonna go have myself a breakfast bacon roll continue doing some work and I'll chat with you guys and I love it I need to go to the shop to get something to eat I'm having a very slow brain-dead day words the breathing thing is still ongoing but it's only in like certain episodes so it's not that bad I need to change out of the dress though though I love the dress but I could see through you can see everything and I am not that confident like not at all so I'm going to change out of that without flashing everyone around me and letting them see my underwear it's the detail you did not need to know anyway let's go get food and coffee and I would like to maybe clean up a little bit because I know that helps me and see how I feel you know hello so I was so excited to get the box of guess I reordered the stock for the bookmarklet was so excited cuz I was it would give me something to do and focus and feel productive and also you guys as excitement about them just like it really helps me but alas I have the books here and there is a small line on this side don't you'll see yep that one's not that small the vary in sizes but like you can definitely see it and I would never ever sell anything that I think is less than perfect obviously perfect being a weird term because nothing is and I by any means something that those are like perfect bookmarks or whatever but you know what I mean like if I see a flaw I will not I would not sleep at night if I like sold something like that some of them look almost fine but I can see things so I'm talking to customer service and being super nice because you should always be super nice the customer service none of this is their fault and being in customer service is a hellhole and you should always be nice plus if you're nice I feel if the other person is also nice they'll be more likely to like help you properly rather than you getting upset about it obviously I spend a lot of money you need so I will hopefully hope that he can replace these and replace those sooner rather than later because that would be great but obviously it's basically it's after work hours on a Friday so I really wanted to get this out for the weekend but oh well it is what it is you know it's not a massive deal so yeah I'm just waiting on some responses from them I think the person is quite tired in general and I'm sure I didn't help messaging so close to like the work hour and say Lisle Logan's gonna pick up my mail today I'm so thankful like I'm so thankful because I was trying to find a place but I was also waiting for this delivery didn't wanna leave during my lunch break in case it gets delivered during Milan break and obviously like workers I have something there that I'm super excited about but I think I'm gonna keep that for another vlog when I actually have some frames because I that something needs frames and I'm very excited Lyle is typing I'm gonna go clean I think I am actually gonna put audio book for that oh that is just great angle I'm gonna put an audio book while I clean I'm on chapter 5 I think of an ember in the ashes I read some like he says saw yesterday like just tiny but no cousin Logan called him was like I'm home and I was like oh whoopsie daisies can see did you have his keys I am not enjoying it but it's legitimately just start but it's because it did the thing where it goes straight into action and if you know anything about me I hate when books start in action so we basically start where we left off but I actually hate when it just starts with action I don't like it I'm like I need some build-up like that action there's nothing to me so I'm just sort of waiting that one out so I thought an audio book would be great for that I'm not the biggest fan of the audiobook but it's not like that either so like I listened to it this is acting crazy feel like you already know what's gonna happen when I'm sitting here on this corner I got mail from you guys and also again thanks Logan for picking it up but I also bought yes which I'm going to show you now I decided because I really want to like do it justice and I want to show it to you what I do actually hang them up which I don't have command hooks or frames so I need to get those I need to hold my ass to Ikea at some point whatever but I'm so excited I had a peek and I love them and I found Lewis like myself randomly on Etsy and I love them and I also really love supporting independent artists and stuff like that so so happy it's gonna be instead of the tapestry because as much as I love it I want to change I'll change it back was the ones I do want it or like we think it's but I just I love it so much and I cannot wait to show you but I wanted to do probably anyway regard I got some parcels from you guys so first of all this is from denna which way I'm gonna not sure the address I recognize that I can look you look how cute that is you guys are cute she studies piano and music had a pedagogue I don't know how to say that but I know what it names and that's look cool I'm really glad you like the ankle socks as well oh she's added some bookmarks from her Etsy shop I'm very excited to see that I'm sure they're lovely oh she also offers charity bookmarks in her shop so one is for not sure them and the other ones to help the bees I think it's a really really sweet thing apologizing for your English what is legitimately perfection thank you so much for your letter and for your stories and all you did overcome a lot and you are thriving and that's what matters and you know that's amazing so let's look at the bookmark so this is the show I adore that logo it's just so cute I hope you like the bookmarks they differ in size a bit but I hope it's fine of course it's fine oh there's like a night bus ticket I have like quite a collection of these now that's cute on one side it has like the Kings Cross take it and on the other side actually has but Hagrid there must be a mistake this is platform 9 and 3/4 there's no such thing is there cute then another one that says love is love everywhere because it is and this beautiful stack of books it'll be like you all I love that this must be the not sure damn one so it has that and use a couple of quotes oh and this one's for the bees I'd rather be reading oh I love they're so cute Jade would be in love with this I think the Grisha trilogy I think these all three of them so we have these and that's on the other side thank you so much that is beautiful I will link her shop down below if you guys would like to check it out and thank you so much I have a parcel from Mathias or Matt and this is the same person who sent me the pop Funko that was like like mine nothing to me to look like me like it broke me because it was so amazing I have a suspicion of what's gonna be inside because he's asked for the funds that I use for me creating and making like a like a book thing of the needs which is absolutely amazing super extra which I relate to you entirely unnecessary but as always appreciated and I'm just like I'm excited okay so that is adorable look at that I think you get how this works now is this on the letter just for the fact to make you excited right at the beginning because I know it's last and order the book is in here as well but you have to wait till the end I knew it you're starting the center oh my god I hope you like it the thing with the one on top oh I think this is gonna be this thing I think he did mention he forgot to write the numbers but I'm fairly certain this is dad and he said to make sure that to mention that it's not a professional I'm just making this for fun I think this is gonna be the box for the phone so for the I know you see you're not a professional but I mean like you could fool me like how in the name of God I love it it actually has like a number and everything in my name and the image so cool okay so wait if I think once it's a couple little things before I open the next one oh no bomb be nervous like I understand like I relate why you would be nervous cuz like he said he basically said that he made some changes and he's not sure how I'm gonna feel about it because obviously something I created and I love like a baby says a woman without a baby and like it's a thing that you're gifting me so like what am i complaining about like I wouldn't it's amazing I cannot wait to see what you changed as well I guess it's cool to see he printed and bound everything himself which was great to learn an absolute fun to make I'm so glad already you look at those metal edges oh my god even has the foil that I wanted in that place oh my god that looks so cool look at that but the metal things so beautiful we have this page hmm oh I see what you mean like so obviously I had to like reformat for it to fit a five and so that is so special this whole thing you guys there's some note pages for exam date and participation oh and there's a little pocket here oh is this for the ads mm-hmm yeah for the vacancy ads it's very cute thank you so much it definitely feels like you know very homey and homemade which just adds to this charm off it's amazing thank you so much again you 100% didn't have to like 1,000% didn't have to it's really amazing I love it it is made by you and also have like golden edges cute that's amazing thank you and then lastly I have a box which i think is from like a publisher am i like booktuber now or something no I think it's somebody that has contact I actually contacted me about like a book release thing but as a rule I really should set out like a out-of-office type of thing because I used to reply to everything just saying thank you but I don't do books for reviews because I suck at that and I never review the books especially in time because then it feels like a quiet reading and I just I just don't do that and I don't want to take a book from a publisher or a self-published author because unless like it's something that was already on my TBR which is like you know and not for a review because I don't I don't do those so I don't want him to waste it on me and then I just sort of like a bit market and then I usually don't reply anymore I think this is about one of those lips but someone clearly just sent it to me in as a mess of bugs I know I'm bad like I really should just reply saying no thank you it's rude not to but like it just gets lost in the list of particulars you know use me well first of all something smells amazing in here and also look at this pork Wow I feel like this isn't sort of PR package did I make the list look how beautiful though oh my god birth set from the black there's of course glitter the way of you right now which is also dress to me well book rose okay so there is a like a author's letter I think some symbols and this this is look at such a cool presentation thing we don't really get that in UK like I don't know this is like published in America or here but like I see Americans do those but like we got nothing here so this is pretty cool then we have this always find daughters of REI I think it's really I don't think the bookmark would like a little handle thingy this is an arc i recieved an arc i am big now so that is the book a gruesome war results and the old gods departure from Earth okay the only remnants of their existence lie in two girls twins separated at Birth goddesses who grow up believing that they are human daughters of me explorers their epic journey of self-discovery as they embark on a path back to one another leave that here if you want to pause and read about it I love the cover it's so pretty a dictionary oh there's like a lot of words and well that's what a dictionary is well than me oh it's a cattle oh dude look how cute there's like what the hell I feel so fancy this is like a can though and it's from ennui is that like this like I'm so confused anyway boogie perfume hand me the natural bergamot Mandarin as the smell that I sent it was the scent I'm smelling here I like there is uber t-shirt did you know my size oh cool actually hope you like the feel of it it's just a soul oh it's one of the symbols from the card it says soul why do I dig this so much I like like simplistic black t-shirts and also it has like a symbol and as a soul I love this that is such a fancy presentation I am not gonna lie he did make me you wanna read it cuz I'm basic this is by Renny K a mic am i oh by the way I'm super excited about this and thank you so much unnecessary but again appreciate it oh this has been overwhelming it has been a lot thank you all so much I still have not clean but I mean prioritise feel it can the blocks of find that disappear in the way my words jumble then trip over one another [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] you know so it's actually Sunday this week just continues to treat me real good so yesterday was obviously Saturday um I didn't actually vlog yesterday at all because as I said this week just keeps treating me I don't want to go into detail of what I'm going through at the moment but um for this aspect it's like you go to sleep one evening thinking your life is in one way and then you wake up realizing that things that you think are a constant in your life might not necessarily be and whole life just can got shaken and turned and there's a lot of uncertainties at the moment and hopefully everything that I find it was very productive yesterday like I had a lot of meaningful productive conversations but just again spent the whole day basically like crying trying to be calm and I was which is good but also I feel a bit detached and so which is absolutely crap just before need some stuff but hopefully me know every day it just gets like easier but just my life kind of flipped upside down a little bit yesterday so I'm kind of dealing with that and I'm sorry I know I guess it's so like annoying because I doesn't really say what it is but I know I can't at the moment so um this week honestly but I did manage to go meet Cody at her birthday party and that was really lovely and it was a I hope it wasn't visible that I'm like just going through like no then bring the vibe down anything but me and Logan and Cody and her boyfriend Massey are going to see the spider-man movie because we haven't seen that yet that's gonna be a little bit of instruction as well I really did want to make the bullet or not thing which I am I still doing the evening at least to prepare because I really want to do it it's struggling lately keeping positive and calm whilst all of my plans just like cancer Dolph set themselves and just gonna be like you deal with it so I'm dealing with that I pretty much I'm giving up on finishing I'm probably just gonna have to stop listening to and listening and reading to watch against tonight I'm just checking Who I am now but I might beat heart-stopper today so I'm somewhere on the page 76 or something so I'm here I mean it's possible no it's not really possible I only have like three days really left without today but I think I'll just have to pause it and didn't like continue after the news sorry this vlog was a bit of a bummer but I didn't know that going into this one I really should have just skip this week but on the same time you know how important for me it is to just be realistic with how I present my life but I would like to beat heart-stopper today so that might happen I will keep you updated [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] well I've just finished hard suffer as you probably have seen there at the end it was definitely cute I think it was very well done actually it's definitely not over the top and doesn't have like extreme drama just like a normal you know as I says boy meets boy and like it's a school setting and it's definitely very easy to read it's a little bit juvenile but I was kind of expecting that going in and obviously but it was cute and it was very fast and interesting I'm definitely gonna read the second one I'm actually gonna order it now I think I don't know if I'm gonna read that later today I would kind of like to but I also this is such a quick and cool read for needs so I don't know if I'll say before that but definitely definitely enjoyed this pretty much what everyone says so it's basically about this guy meets another guy and obviously there's things happening between them later on but our main character is openly gay and the other guy like we don't even know if he is and there's some other layers but there's nothing like too much happening around it I love this sister in here as well like my hands are like black from the paper though like the ink thing like it comes off but yeah I really enjoyed it I wouldn't I think it's like four point five or something four stars just because I don't know I feel like when I get a five hundred five star feed like I feel it in my gut cuz obviously I have a system for like normal books and I tried actually using copilot adjusted for graphic novels and comments but it just didn't work like for those I mainly just go for my feel because I feel like I can really be as intense about my reviews or my like ratings on these so I just go by the feeling so this is definitely great and I loved it a lot and I'm gonna give it four stars but it's not a 5 because it's not gonna be like you know when you know you know but there except for the second one and I'm definitely glad I read it let me know if you have read this and if you liked it hey guys so I actually um and got myself the heart stopper vol 2 but as much as I actually did really wanted to sit down and read that I have decided to keep it for the needs it was so quick and it would be really nice to like feel some progress what I did not progress in is setting my bullet journal so hopefully I can maybe do that tomorrow we went to the cinema and we saw I think I mentioned that what I'm gonna go to the cinema so I went to the cinema and saw the spider-man far from home one it was alright it was like nothing too special there was some really nice bits with like grief and stuff and I also really enjoyed special effects that were really good the very end scene like you know after the credits like the very last one was like a major like what the hell so that was cool after they actually watched a simple favor movie just by myself and I really enjoyed it it was kind of like a thriller ish type of thing a little bit like gone girl vibes but not quite and I really like Blake Lively and I thought that it was a really good movie like I really enjoyed it that character man I loved it basically about these disliked boss lady and another woman from suburbian one liked very much city and the other one is like kind of suburbia like stereotype thing but both have sons the same age and one asks another like stay sort of like become friends and one has another to pick her son up and then disappears and it just like progresses from there and just gets darker darker as these kind of things do but um that's it I think I'm gonna finish this vlog here it I glad this week is over I apologize for this I hope you guys are well thank you so much for watching and here's to a better week next week um I love you so much and I appreciate you all so so much you don't even know I see in the next one bye

Channel: Book Roast

Views: 9,609

Rating: 4.9945579 out of 5

Keywords: books;, bookish;, book;, booktube;, youtube;, bookworm;, girl;, book, addict;, reading, mental health chat, panic attacks, real vlog, reading vlog, heartstopper, summer

Id: lvReWBH22YM

Length: 42min 9sec (2529 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 29 2019