A Marriage to Remember | Alzheimer's Disease Documentary | Op-Docs | The New York Times

This is Mom's video diary. Hey, man. It's too dirty. Say Tuesday, June 22, 2010. Hi. This is -- do I say "this is who"? You can do whatever you want. This is Pam White. Should I start? Yeah, whenever you want. O.K. Hello. I am Pam White. I am a mother of three children. I will tell you a little bit about me. I grew up in a hotel. My father owned the hotel. And it was an unusual way to grow up, but it was a lovely way to grow up. I was an actress. I did modeling. I live for my family and my children. And one little glitch is that I have developed Alzheimer's. And initially, I was quite distressed and upset about it. But it doesn't really matter. It doesn't really change anything. So I don't feel sad, and I don't feel regret. I feel blessed that I have this wonderful family, and a husband who is extraordinarily wonderful. Good morning. Hi. Can I get you up? Why? Because I'm sure you'd like to have breakfast. Be right there. Can you tell me the story of when you proposed to Mom? My senior year in college, the Vietnam War was raging. A lottery was done, and draft numbers were drawn. My number was 16, which meant it was 100 percent sure that I would have been drafted. My great-grandfather, my grandfather, my father were all in the United States Navy. So I applied to naval officer school. All the while, I had been planning on asking your mom to marry me. She is capable of doing less and less around the house. I probably talked to a woman from the Alzheimer's Society two, maybe three times. They think it's important I should somehow remain more of a husband by having a caregiver get her up in the morning, get her dressed, bathe her, give her medicine, make her meals. Maybe. So far, so good. I don't mind doing it. I like being with her. Do you think that you getting more confused has been hard for Dad? I don't think he thinks I'm confused. In that way. Hmm? I said I don't think he feels that he is, or feels that I am. Confused. I'm not confused. You think I'm confused? No, maybe that's a bad word. But you need help with things that you didn't used to need help with. Right. Yeah. Do you think that's hard for him? Did you notice a change with Mom from the last trip? No, the change in the year has been profound. Watching the person that you love so much, who has been so much a part of your life, you know. It's nice she smiles when she sees me. Thank God for her smile. That's huge. But there's a lot more that, you know, I used to get from her, that she would do for me, that's gone. My nickname is Fast Eddie, and it's because I tend to just get things done in a hurry. And Pam's favorite question is, where's Ed? And I can answer it 100 times a day. Just getting her out of the house and into the car to go shopping is a big deal. And her walk is now a shuffle, not a walk. So it's just slow, slow, slow. And don't ever let her know that you're impatient, which I'm sure there are several times a week when she knows that I'm impatient with her. And she knows it. You can -- you know she knows it. And of course, I feel terrible when it happens. Yeah. Sometimes, if I'm the first thing she sees in the morning, I don't actually think she recognizes me. That's beginning. What must it be like? How much does Pam know about what's happened, what's happening and what will happen to her? Every time I see her, I hope I hug her. Every time I see her, I tell her I love her. I tell her how magnificent her smile is. I tell her what a great life we've had together. And I thank her for what she's done for me. She was an incredibly attentive, loving mother. I know she'd love to be that person. I know that. I have made a commitment to this beautiful woman that I will live with her forever. So whatever happens, we're definitely doing it together.

Channel: The New York Times

Views: 2,245,732

Keywords: alzheimer's disease, the new york times, nytimes, nyt, times video, nytimes.com, news, newspaper, feature, reporting, op-ed, op-doc, marriage, documentary, video diary, elderly, disease, mother, wife, family, children, memory, memories, wedding, proposal, draft, vietnam, vietnam war, care, caregiver, meals, confusion, confused, help, alzheimer's symptoms, symptoms, change, alzheimer's, love, smile

Id: PZu51MnqfF4

Length: 8min 34sec (514 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 27 2014