Also, why is he blowing cool breaths onto her? It's not like her vag is on fire. He's like- *blowing noises* *intro music* There were a lot of lines that Jay Kristoff wrote that I tabbed here, where I thought, "Hmm... Was that really a choice that you wanted to make and print out in a book?" And after tabbing all of these lines, I realized that I had enough content to make a separate video about it. This is the first book that I've read from Jay Kristoff. He's pretty popular in the book community. I don't actually know that much about him prior to reading this other than earlier this year. He had called the criticisms of a black booktuber worthless noise on Twitter. But what was even weirder to me was that he was on the cover of the original Raven Boys book. I think that's the real scandal that people should be talking about, and yet I've heard nothing about that. I will say though that I think Jay Kristoff is a strong writer. He loves to write, he loves his writing, and you can ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ really really really tell while reading this book. Honestly props to him. I really wish I could be as passionate about my writing. I wish I could read over my own words and masturbate to my own talents, but unfortunately I don't have the kind of mindset where I think highly of myself enough for that. I appreciate someone who loves his craft so much and you can tell his passion just pouring through all the sticky, sticky pages. But I'm finding that I actually did not enjoy the writing. The main reason was because every single line that I read made it so painstakingly obvious that this was a man in his 30s, who was writing a 16-year-old girl and trying to make her the edgiest, baddest bitch in the world and it was so distracting to me. I ended up tweeting, "I'm not sure how else to describe this but Jay Kristoff's writing has me convinced he was a type of guy who wore chain wallets and quoted Monty Python in high school" Sure enough, my friend Zach, who is also reading the book at the same time I was, found a Monty Python reference in the middle of the book. And I'm like, "Bro, What did I tell you?" And if that's not enough of a confirmation. Jay Kristoff himself saw my tweet and replied to it, basically confirming that my allegations were correct. So now you have an idea of what kind of writing you're getting into. Let's talk about ๐๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฏ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต. This is an adult fantasy book, which is weird because the main character is 16, but then she also talks like a 30-year-old who's very hardened by life and her past trauma. And I'm like, "Bro, is this ๐๐ช๐น ๐ฐ๐ง ๐๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด? What are we doing here?" If you were distracted by that discrepancy reading ๐๐ช๐น ๐ฐ๐ง ๐๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด, I feel like if you read this, this is a whole nother level. With ๐๐ช๐น ๐ฐ๐ง ๐๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด, I can kind of understand because it's categorized as YA, so you're trying to make that marketable, but this was actually categorized as an adult fantasy. So I really don't know why he decided to make her 16-years-old. How are you gonna pretend to be a badass when your balls haven't dropped yet? That's my question here. This is a book about an edgy teenage killer, who joins a school of assassins, where she can be with other edgy teenagers. And she joins this assassin school because she's looking to seek vengeance against the people who killed her family. I won't really go much in-depth with the story, so there won't be any spoilers until we get later to the end. So I'll give a warning before that happens. In the first few chapters, we are introduced to the main protagonist, Mia Corvere. For the moment you are introduced to her, it's very, very important that you need to know that she is not like other girls. But I think the way that the writing style makes this character, just puts it at a whole nother level because it's written so intensely/poetically (question mark?), that I just have to read it out loud so you know what I'm talking about. "She wasn't a pretty thing. O, the tales you've heard about the assassin who destroyed the Republic no doubt describes her beauty as otherworldly; all milk-white skin and slender curves and bow-shaped lips. And she was possessed of these qualities, true, but the composition seemed (dot-dot-dot) a little off. 'Milk-white' is just pretty talk for 'pasty,' after all. 'Slender' is a poet's way of saying 'starved.' Her skin was pale and her cheeks hollow, lending her a hungry, wasted look. Crow-black hair reached to her ribs, save for a self-inflicted and crooked fringe. Her lips and the flesh beneath her eyes seemed perpetually bruised, and her nose had been broken at least once. If her face were a puzzle, most would put it back in the box, ------- ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
. Moreover, she was short. Stick-thin. Barely enough arse for her britches to cling to. Not a beauty that lovers would die for, armies would march for, heroes might slay a god or daemon for. All in contrast to what you've been told by your poets, I'm sure." Basically, this is a very poetic way of saying, "Yes, she is pale and skinny ๐๐ช๐ฉ ๐จ๐๐'๐จ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ช๐๐ก๐ฎ. ๐ ๐จ๐ฌ๐๐๐ง ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ค๐, ๐จ๐๐'๐จ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ช๐๐ก๐ฎ. ๐ฟ๐ค๐ฃ'๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐จ๐๐ ๐จ๐๐'๐จ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐ง๐ฎ ๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐ข๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ง ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐ซ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ก ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ง๐๐จ ๐ค๐ ๐๐๐๐ช๐ฉ๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐๐ช๐จ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐จ ๐จ๐ค ๐จ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ฎ ๐ฅ๐๐ก๐, ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐ค ๐จ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ฎ ๐จ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ, ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐ฃ๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ช๐ฉ๐๐๐ช๐ก ๐๐๐ง๐ก๐จ ๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐๐จ๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฉ๐ค๐ง ๐๐ฉ ๐๐ก๐ก. ๐๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐๐ฃ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช๐ง ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐ซ๐๐ง ๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฉ ๐ ๐๐๐จ๐๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐ง๐ช๐ฃ๐ฌ๐๐ฎ ๐ค๐ง ๐ ๐ข๐๐๐๐ฏ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ญ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐๐จ๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐ค๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ง๐ก ๐ฌ๐๐ค ๐๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐๐ ๐จ๐ค ๐จ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ, ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐ค ๐ฅ๐๐ก๐. ๐๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ก๐, ๐ข๐ค๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฉ ๐๐ฉ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฃ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ญ. ๐๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ ๐
๐๐ฃ๐๐, ๐ข๐ค๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐๐ค๐ฅ๐ก๐ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ ๐จ๐ข๐๐จ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐จ๐๐๐ฉ. ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐." In Chapter one, there is a part where she is talking about her blade, and she's wondering if she should give it a name. There is another old man character who tells her that there's no point to giving it a name. "'Naming your blade is a sort of fat reserves for heroes, girl. Men who have songs sung about them, histories spun for them, brats named after them. It's the shadow road for you and me, and if you dance it right, no one will ever know your name. You'll be a rumor. A whisper. The thought that wakes the bastards of this world sweating in the nevernight. The last thing you'll ever be in this world, girl, is someoneโs hero.'" This old man is so intense. She's literally just looking at her knife, and she's like, "Oh, I really like this knife, I wonder what I should name it. 'Cause you know, it's like a personal thing that belongs to me, and I'll give it like a cute little nickname," and the old man is like, "๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐?" ๐น๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐." Fortunately, early on, she joins with another companion. We're introduced to a male character that accompanies her He's pretty low-key and he keeps to himself, which is basically an excuse for her to use him as a sounding board to further emphasize how badass she is. But that's okay 'cause he likes it, and he starts to fall for her pretty early on. Especially at this one monologue. A lot of readers have probably taken this monologue and viewed it as this epic, amazing thing. But I was reading it and I was like, "Is this bitch ok?" They're just having a conversation, she casually uses the word cunt, he raises his eyebrows and his mouth is like agape because he's so shocked that a girl would say that. And he's like, "My mother said that this was a filthy word. She told me never to say it because that's the filthiest word that you can say." And then Mia takes out a cigar and she puts it to her lips. And then she goes on this whole monologue, "'You know, I've never understood that. How being names for a woman's nethers is somehow more grievous than any other insult. Seems to me, calling someone after a man's privates is worse. I mean, What do you picture when you hear a fellow called a cock? You imagine an oaf, don't you? Someone so full of wank there's no room for wits. A slow-minded bastard who struts about full of spunk and piss, completely ignorant of how he looks to others. 'Cock' is just another word for 'fool'. But you call someone a cunt, well... You're implying a sense of malice there. An intent. Malevolent, and self-aware. Cunts have brains, Don Tric. Cunts have teeth. Someone calls you a cunt, you take it as a compliment. As a sign that folk believe you're not to be lightly fucked with. I think they call that irony. Truth is, there's no difference between your nethers and mine. Aside from the obvious, of course. But one doesn't carry any more weight than the other. Why should what's between my legs be considered any smarter or stupider, any worse or better? It's all just meat, Don Tric. In the end, It's all just food for worms. But I still rather be called a cunt than a cock any turn.' The girl sighed grey, crushed her cigarillo out with her boot heel. Spat into the wind. And just like that, young Tric was in love." Ah, yes. The two genders. Cunt and cock. She's pointing out that if you call someone a cunt, it seems worse because that's normally attributed to women. But she's different from that because she sees it as all the same. We are all just simply our own genitalia. Just because I have a cunt, doesn't mean I'm inferior compared to other men. You see, by calling everyone a cunt, I am actually reclaiming the word and reclaiming the insult for all of my female sisters everywhere. But it makes so much sense because if you google "TERF haircut", and you look at the images, all the girls there basically have black hair with crooked fringes and that's Mia in a nutshell. And she says all this while smoking a cigar too- so You know, that's peak edginess right there. And the other guy's just like, "Oh my god, a strong feminist character who boils down characters who judge their genitalia? *๐ช๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ฆ* ๐ฐ'๐ด ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ณ๐ถ๐ฝ๐ฌ" Another thing that gets very overstated is the usage of metaphors and similes. Like it's just there for the sake of being edgy or just being descriptive. Here are a few parts that I marked, "A man. Tall and slender and pale as a new bled corpse. His eyes were pink. His skin seemed made of marble, a faint blue tracery of veins beneath. Hair swept back, white as winter snow. An open silk robe revealing a smooth, hard chest. He was the kind of beautiful that dimmed all the world beside him. But cold. Bloodless. His was the beauty of a fresh suicide, laid out there in a pine box The kind of beautiful you know will spoil after an hour or two in the ground." Why is it that every time someone is described beautiful, this author is like, "Wait wait wait. Don't think that they are conventionally pretty. They're still edgy, ok?" He takes one unrelated thing and then he's like, "Hmm... How could I make this as edgy as possible? I'm gonna compare it to sฬฝอuฬฝอiฬฝอcฬฝอiฬฝอdฬฝอeฬฝอ. ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ป ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ช ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฑ ๐๐๐จ ๐ซ๐ค๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐๐จ ๐๐จ ๐จ๐๐๐ง๐ฅ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐๐ง๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐จ๐๐ง๐๐๐ข ๐ค๐ ๐ข๐ช๐จ๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ก๐๐ฎ ๐๐ฃ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐๐๐จ๐๐ข๐๐ฃ๐ฉ. ๐๐๐ค๐จ๐ ๐ง๐ค๐จ๐๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐จ ๐ง๐๐ ๐๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐จ ๐๐ค๐ฌ๐ฃ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฃ๐จ ๐๐จ ๐ ๐จ๐ก๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ฉ๐๐๐ข ๐ก๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ง๐๐จ๐ ๐จ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐." I'm like, "Bro, calm down." Not everything has to be this intense. How are you gonna make the actual intense scenes be intense when you're going 100 the whole mile. There's another part that he used that just totally threw me off. "'The porkery,' Mia breathed. 'Of course'. Looking out over an oinking sea, Mia felt the unpleasant pieces falling into place." Oinking sea? Why didn't you just call it a group of pigs? Why does it have to be a sea? Are they coming in and out like waves of the ocean? Are they like liquid or something? Like what's the point of this metaphor other than just for the sake of having a metaphor? Metaphors are supposed to have a point to them rather than just for the sake of fluff. I think that they should add more atmosphere or tie into some of the themes that the book is trying to go for. What's the point of comparing a group of pigs to the sea? Like is this supposed to add to the atmosphere of like relaxing me? Like am I just sitting in from the sea hearing all these relaxing pig noises? Am I meditating to the sound of all of this oinking? And I'm like, "Yes. Yes. this is how I cool down. This is how I wind down." When I meditate before I go to bed, I too, listen to the atmospheric noises of pigs oinking softly in my ears. The rolling wave of pigs, oinking and squealing in my ears. Squealing as if they were cut from a fresh suicide, ๐ช๐จ๐ผ๐บ๐ฌ ๐พ๐ฌ ๐พ๐ฌ๐น๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ฎ๐. Okay at this point, I'm going to talk a little bit about what happens when she goes to the assassin school. I'm not gonna go in-depth about it, so I don't really consider them spoilers, I'm just pointing out parts that made me think, "Huh?" But if you really don't want to know anything about what happens in this book, You might want to click off, but there's some things that happened that made me think, "Hmm... This is kind of weird for a dude to write." One of the instructors at this assassin school, Aalea, I think that's her name. There's different instructors that focus on specific things. Aalea is focused on the power of seduction. 'Cause you know, that's something that assassins do. Obviously if you are a strong female character, you have to use seduction as one of your skills. Mia meets this instructor and she's examining her. And she notices that Mia has not looked in the mirror even once. "She had always had men fawning over her most like. Didn't know what it was to be plain. Small. Ordinary." Of course, she wouldn't look into the mirror. Men aren't into skinny or pale girls, that's unheard of. So she says, "'Some of us aren't born as lucky as others,'" to which the instructor replies, "'You are luckier than you know. You were born without that which most people prize their lovers for. That ridiculous prize called beauty. You know what it is to be overlooked.'" This instructor is such a bitch 'cause she's basically like, "No, you're so lucky that you're ugly. You have it so lucky to be ugly because now men won't even look at you or pay attention to you. Thank god your face looks fucking hurt, like a broken puzzle. Pft. Thank god you're ugly as fuck." But the instructor is also teaching her how you can use your beauty and seduction for your own assassin agenda. Because again, female characters cannot be strong unless they use their body to be a badass. If you are feminist and sexy, then you're pretty much a badass. But if you're a feminist and you don't even show your tits, why am I even reading or watching about you? "'I will teach you how to make others love you,' Aalea purred. 'Men. Woman. Completely and utterly. If only for a nevernight. If only. For a heartbeat. I will teach you how to make others want.'" So she turns Mia into the mirror, and Mia just hates looking at her reflection because she's like, "Oh my god, I'm so plain and ordinary." "The reflection they're in. The scrawny pale girl with her broken nose and hollow cheeks. This was lunacy. No matter how sweet her perfume. How delighted the nothing she might whisper. Mia would never be a beauty." "Don't you see, Aalea? I'm never gonna be beautiful. My cheek bows are too sharp and prominent. My skin is too pale and smooth. I'm too skinny. I'll never be beautiful." "'Love is a weapon. Sex is a weapon. Your eyes? Your body? Your smile? Weapons. And they give you more power than a thousand swords. Open more gates than a thousand war walkers Love has toppled kings, Mia. Ended empires. Even broken our poor sunburned sky. They will never see the knife in your hand if they are lost in your eyes. They will never taste the poison in their wine when they're drunk on the sight of you. Beauty simply makes it easier, love. Easier than you have it now.'" This whole monologue basically summarizes how we view femme fatale characters in a nutshell. Femme fatale characters are basically a trope of female characters who are seen as mysterious and seductive and beautiful. And use her beauty for danger. She's an attractive and seductive woman. And she will ultimately bring disaster to a man that comes across her life. We see this in a lot of female superhero characters because that's what people think being a strong female character is. It's like, "Yes, I am catering to the male gaze. But it's okay because I'm using it to my advantage. Don't you see when I show my tits, it's actually a power boom?" And while I do think there are great femme fatale characters, what I don't like is how that's, like, the main perception of how we view "strong female characters". Why can't an ugly ass prude be a strong female character? That's all I'm saying. Why does she have to be sexy? I know why. Because that way, you are appealing to women who want a feminist character. But you're not alienating the men who will still ogle at all the sexiness going on. She's sexy, but it's okay because she uses her sexiness to kill and that's feminism. So then she undergoes an "operation" where she gets to change her appearance. "Her lips fuller. Nose straightened. Skin smooth as cream. The shadows beneath her eyes were gone. And the eyes themselves seemed a little bigger. Speaking of (dot-dot-dot) She pulled open the ties at her throat, looked down to the place her breasts hadn't been. 'Daughters(?),' she muttered. 'Those are new (dot-dot-dot)'" She got a boob job at an assassin school. So you're telling me that she entered this highly coveted assassin school that's supposed to make her this powerful awesome hero, that will destroy many men and seek vengeance on her family. And what she gets out of it is a big-titty-liddy? When she goes back to her class and she meets the other edgy assassins, there are people that are like looking at her and seeing that she has a big boobie now. "'What was it like?' Carlotta asked. 'Hurt like you wouldn't believe,' she finally replied. 'Worth it though?' Mia shrugged, looks down her chest and felt a grin creeping onto her face. 'You tell me.'" She realizes that people are staring at her. And then she has a revelation. "'Power,' she realized. 'I have a kind of power now.'" Yes, it makes sense. Because the bigger your boobie is, the more power you have. She got her big-titty-liddies and now she's ready for battle. She's like, "All right, I got these locked and loaded." ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ Shenanigans happen in the assassin school. I'm not gonna go too into detail about it, but there is is one part where one of the characters is using a metaphor about how people are either iron or glass. If you are iron, you can withstand anything. But if you are glass then you will shatter, because you know, that's how the two works. I'm glad that you attended this science class with me. So basically Mia was learning about the periodic table of elements. There's a chapter that ends with her thinking about these metaphors and what this character had just told her. "Cassius and The Ministry had no clue. No idea at all what she was made of. But he knew. 'Iron or glass,' they'd asked. Mia clenched her jaw, shook her head. She was neither. She was steel." Damn. Not only is she not like other girls, and not like other assassins, and not like other heroes, but she's also not like other elements because she's not iron and she's not glass. She's a whole other material altogether. "You see I'm not like other elements of the periodic table. I'm a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again." Another really weird thing that happens is when Aalea invites everyone in the assassin school to go to this "soiree". "'Welcome, and thank you for coming. Three months have passed since your induction into The Red Church. We understand that lessons grow long and the hours weigh heavy. And so every once in a while, I convinced the ministry to allow you to (dot-dot-dot) let your hair down, as it were. This eve, the praetor hosts his traditional great-type-gala. A ball to which only the cream of God's great society is invited. And invitations have been arranged (dot-dot-dot) For you. Of course, you'll each have to concoct a convincing subterfuge as to why you've been invited to such exclusive soiree. But I'm certain I versed you well enough for that. You will find suitable clothing within. Enjoy yourselves, my dears. Laugh. Love. Remember what it is to live. And forget. If only for a moment, what it is to serve.'" So you're telling me that, these kids who are going to an assassin school, just so that they can learn how to train and fight and kill people, all of a sudden, three months in, are gonna have a masquerade ball, and no one is suspicious about anyone's intentions here? You should have been suspicious the moment Aalea basically said, "Live. Love. Laugh." Just a few chapters ago, there was an instructor that literally poisoned everyone's drinks to give them a "test". And now this instructor is saying that there's gonna be a "masquerade ball" and no one is suspicious about it? All Mia says in response, is she just shrugs and she says, "'It can't hurt to have fun once in a while. Give it a try. You might enjoy it.'" If this bitch is supposed to be this smartass, badass assassin character, who's so ruthless and wants to kill a whole bunch of people, why was it so easy to trick her into this masquerade that's clearly a trap? And lo and behold, the masquerade turns out to be a hot-ass mess. They're like, "'Oh my god, how could this have happened? How could we have walked into a masquerade that was hosted by an assassin school, conducted by instructors who routinely tried to trick us and set up these traps to 'test us', and then have the masquerade turn out to be another test? Huh? Who could have seen this coming?" Aalea comes back in again while they're like, barely grasping on for life. And she says, "'Did you have fun playing at being people, my loves? Our gift to you. A reminder. Walk among them. Play among them. Live and laugh and love among them. But never forget. Not for one moment, what you are.'" So it was all just a lesson. Another test for them to remember that they have to swear to the life of assassins and they can't just be like the basic bitches that live, love, laugh. We wasted all of these chapters, building up to this masquerade that we knew was gonna be a hot mess anyway, and makes absolutely no sense why these smart, badass assassins would just walk into a trap like that. It seems like every YA fantasy book needs to have a masquerade scene, but this is an adult fantasy, and so again, I'm very confused about why there was this pointless scene and why there is this 16-year-old girl finding her sexual awakening. And is written by an older dude who is writing very suspect stuff. But you know, what's the most suspect? The sex scene. There is a very long sex scene. Normally, I like these but I did not like this one because, again, the writing style was just fucking weird. "He spiraled lower, closer, licking the fresh sweat and making her groan, breath becoming even quicker. Pausing as he reached her lips, breathing her in as if she were air and he, a drowning man." Is he drowning in the pussy or is he drowning in the oinking sea? Who's to say, really? I'm getting my metaphors mixed up. "She whimpered, silently pleading. And as he parted her folds with gentle fingers, she felt the first touch of his tongue. 'Oh goddess,' she moaned." See, it's feminist because she's not saying "Oh god", she's saying "Oh goddess," because God is a woman now. "It flickered against her, gentle at first, trailing tiny circles around her swollen bud. Her back arched, legs rising into the air, toes pointed. He toyed with her. Tongue flickering in and out, blowing cold breaths on to her between gentle assaults from his mouth." He's assaulting her with his mouth, but gently? How- How does that work? Also, why is he blowing cold breaths onto her? It's not like her vag on fire. He's like, *blowing noises* *lick lick* "Ah man, this shit be spicy." *blowing intensifies* "Tric worked his fingers in his mouth. His tongue and his breath. Stars colliding behind her eyes, curses slipping past her teeth. 'Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck,' until the dams shatter. The flood spilled along with a wordless cry from her lips. Spine arched. Head thrown back as she silently screamed his name. Tric slowed, withdrawing his hand. Still drawing gentle circles on her soaking lips with his tongue. And then, he kissed her, tenderly. As if her sex were her mouth and he were saying goodbye for the very last time." Did he just compare her vagina to her mouth? As if he were saying goodbye to her for the very last time? Is he just, like, having a conversation with her vagina down there? He's like, *blowing noises* "I'll see you later." *blowing noises* "Goodbye, my sweet pussy." *blows a goodbye* And then the most alarming thing that happened after this whole scene. She's panting and she's saying, "'Where (dot-dot-dot) the abyss (dot-dot-dot) did you learn to do that?' And then he grins and he says, 'Same place I learned to dance. Aalea offered a few pointers.' Mia sighed, heart still hammering in her breast. 'I'll thank her next time I see her.'" This dude just basically said, Aalea, their instructor, gave him pointers. So she taught him how to do that. *long, uncomfortable silence* If I were Mia, I would be like, "Wait a minute... What the fuck did you just do with your teacher?" I wouldn't be like, "Oh nice I'm gonna give her a high five because she taught you well. I'm so glad she incorporated breathing on my pussy as part of her rubric." "๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ 101" ๐๐๐๐ ๐ด๐๐. ๐จ๐๐๐๐. Now that's a lesson you can't learn from the Magic School Bus. ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) But it's not just all sex things and it's not just all edgy, dark scenes. There's also moments of hearts. And moments of hope. There's a part where Tric is just being very angsty. He's basically angsting because they're gonna give him some kind of operation where his tattoos will be gone. And he's very sad about it because the tattoos are so much of his identity and who he sees himself as. "'Bullshit!' Mia said. Tric blinked in stock. 'What?' 'This makes you who you are.' She punched the slab of muscle above his heart. 'This.' She slapped him atop his head. 'These.' The girl took hold of his hands, knelt in front of him, staring into the boy's eyes. 'Slave marks. Tattoos. Scars. What you look like doesn't change who you are inside. They can give you a new face, but they can't give you a new heart. No matter what they take from you, they can't take that away unless you let them. That's a real strength, Tric. That's real power.'" I'm like, "Wait a minute. Did Mia grow up watching YuGiOh? Because that was literally like a monologue from that show." You know how a lot of anime has, like, a very intense scene where, like, a character is so, like, hurt and questioning their strengths and their capabilities. And then the other character is like, "It doesn't matter if you lost your powers. It's about what's in here! You gotta believe in the heart of the cards. We're gonna make it through together with the power of friendship!" So basically what I've learned is that Mia is a TERF, a femme fatale, and an anime fan. Who would've thought? I hope that you found this video amusing or funny whether you liked the book or not. And before I end this video, I do have to say thank you to today's sponsor, which is NordVPNยฎ. NordVPNยฎ is a private network service provider. They have over 5,500 servers. They're all really, really fast. And there's over 60 countries that they cover. You can unlock Netflix and your favorite entertainment websites, which is really useful if there are some sites that block off specific countries. You can just disguise your IP address as another country instead and get access, which is the primary thing that I've been using it for. But it's also useful for when you want to protect your data. So even if you're in a public place or you're traveling and you don't want any advertisers to get your information, it will protect your data with double data encryption. They have 24/7 customer service. They have 30-day money-back guarantee. And they have up to six simultaneous connections. And they even work in China. If you are interested, you can get 70% off NordVPNยฎ using my link in the description below. It will make this only $3.49/month, plus an additional month for free You can check it out at nordvpn.com/readwithcindy, and use my coupon code, readwithcindy. I hope you unsubscribe from my channel and subscribe to NordVPNยฎ instead. Thanks for watching if you made it this far, and goodbye. *outro music* *satanic outro music*
