A Familiar Problem: Sprinkle’s Incredible Journey!

MARISHA: Oh, hello everybody! Welcome to "A Familiar Problem: "Sprinkle's Incredible Journey." (laughter) MARISHA: That's why we're here. HEIDI: Yes! MARISHA: Today we'll be playing the one-page RPG, "A Familiar Problem," created by myself and-- TRAVIS: Oh boy. MARISHA: -- "Honey Heist" designer Grant Howitt. (cheering) MATT: Grant! MARISHA: This game is all about playing a scrappy and incredibly stressed out group of familiars that are just trying to get a grip on their chaotic lives and their adventuring parties, and undertaking a mission to prove that they are up to the task. You can pick up "A Familiar Problem" for free this Saturday at your friendly local game stores. I already showed it off and I'm doing it again. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: Any friendly local game store that is participating in Free RPG Day, and keep an eye out for its wider release later this year. You can always visit darringtonpress.com/familiar to learn more. MATT: Woo! Yeah! HEIDI: Slash down. MARISHA: Today, we are taking "A Familiar Problem" to Exandria. TRAVIS: (whispers) Exandria. MARISHA: Let's jump into... LAURA: Oh, right into it, right into it. HEIDI: Oh Jesus. MARISHA: "A Familiar Problem: "Sprinkle's Incredible Journey." (cheering) MARISHA: Welcome back. So before we jump in, I just wanted to say really quick that I've actually had this idea to do this one-shot since the before times, for an incredibly long time. I originally envisioned GMing this alongside our-- I said I wasn't going to cry-- our late bird, Dagon. So I dedicate this game to her and-- fuck! And all the familiars of the world. Just because animals are the best, you guys. ALL: Yeah! MARISHA: Yeah, so to all the critters who touch our hearts and leave us better than they found us, this is for you. (sniffs) And there will be no more tears after that. TRAVIS: You got it, you got it! HEIDI: Well, I don't know, you might make me cry, my character gets messed up. ISABELLA: Every pet that's watching this is going to see that and go-- HEIDI: Tears. ISABELLA: "Oh my god." MARISHA: I'm talking to you. HEIDI: They feel seen right now. ISABELLA: "Me?" MARISHA: Little Snuffles. HEIDI: Their ears just perk. MARISHA: It's for you. ISABELLA: Digit. MARISHA: Now, with all the sentimental shit done. HEIDI: Oh god! MARISHA: Let's get weird. TRAVIS: Oh no. HEIDI: Yes. Oh my goodness. LAURA: Oh, going straight-- okay. MARISHA: Button. ISABELLA: Button. ALL: Button. MARISHA: Button. HEIDI: The button. MARISHA: I get to do it! HEIDI: That was my dog's first name. LAURA: Button? MARISHA: Oh, Button? HEIDI: My first dog's name. There we go, I said it wrong the first time. ISABELLA: ♪ My dog's first name ♪ MARISHA: This is for you, Button. ISABELLA: ♪ Of many names ♪ MARISHA: The sun is thinking it's going to start making its way to the ocean horizon. TRAVIS: ♪ Makin' its way! ♪ MARISHA: (tongue click) It begins its descent over the coastal city of Nicodranas. The air is warm, but a light breeze starts flowing through the city streets. As the temperatures starts to cool down from its postcard-worthy tropical vacation weather that it has sported throughout the day. Savory scents of cured meats mixes with the smell of sweet incense as the denizens of the town begin their sunset rituals. Tired shopkeepers and wanton travelers flood the sidewalks, eager to discover what the night has in store for them. There's almost like a music to it. The clacking of horse hooves and the clattering of carriages, combined with the cracks of canvas flags being battered by the wind, and the general white noise of anticipation. Anything could happen. Sprinkle! TRAVIS: (startled noise) LAURA: (giggles) HEIDI: Oh jesus. MARISHA: The last 48 hours of your life has been fucking nuts. In this short amount of time, you've been jettisoned from the comfort of your cage that was safe within the confines of the traveling cart. Since then, you've been yanked through sewers and flooded tunnels, dragged through the cold and salty sea, sucked up into a sentient water tornado that was shaped like an angry man. You witnessed the assault and maybe murder of several individuals who, quite honestly, were just trying to do their jobs, as well as having a front row seat to watching a man get his hand chumped-- chopped off. LAURA: (Jester) Chumped off. MARISHA: Chumped off, threatened, and then sent away on a big wooden people-floaty that people apparently call a boat. HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: To top all of this off, this was spearheaded by this blue girl with horns that you've been forced into traveling with who-- LAURA: (Jester) She's the coolest! MARISHA: Just keeps claiming to be your mother. TRAVIS: (squeaky voice) That bitch ain't my mom. (laughter) MARISHA: You currently find yourself-- I just snotted. (laughter) HEIDI: As you should. MARISHA: You currently find yourself back in a familiar bougie building with six other compatriots, your blue benefactor refers to as The Mighty Nein, whatever the fuck that means. Rich-colored silks obscure the sunlight, trying its best to pierce through the windows. A charcuterie board with bread and pickled vegetables sits on a side table next to a beautiful woman in a rhinestone bustier with ruby skin and horns. She actually resembles the blue girl that you've been traveling with. TRAVIS: Mommy. (laughter) MARISHA: "Here, Sprinkle, have a bit of pastry, "you must be so hungry." She just shoves the bread in your mouth. TRAVIS: (chokes) MARISHA: It immediately sucks the saliva out. TRAVIS: Thank you. MARISHA: But you know, all things considered, it's nice in here. Sprinkle, you start catching glimpses of the conversation between the blue girl and the red woman. They seem to be making arrangements for a permanent living situation for the blink dog puppy that you were also purchased with. There's mentions of dangerous situations ahead. So, it would just be safer here. Sprinkle, what if this is your new home? The two women hug each other, and exchange a tearful goodbye. (Jester) "All right, Sprinkle, let's go." TRAVIS: What? No. MARISHA: Perched on the shoulders of the blue girl, you and the rest of the big people, AKA The Mighty Nein, head towards the door, back out into the world, filled with chaos and horror. TRAVIS: What? No. MARISHA: As you exit the building, the blue girl skips along with an uncanny excitement. "Oh man, you guys. Do you think "we're going to meet any pirates?" As she hops, unbeknownst to her, wham! You're struck by a wooden hanging sign bearing the name The Lavish Chateau. TRAVIS: (groans) MARISHA: You're sent flying through the air and crash onto the street below. TRAVIS: (grunts) MARISHA: By the time you come to your senses, you look up, see that the party you were traveling with has vanished around a corner. TRAVIS: (gasps) MARISHA: In an instant, you find yourself completely alone. TRAVIS: (gasps) Free. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh, oh fuck. I'm free? MARISHA: You suddenly hear, poof! The brown and black slobbery blink dog puppy that you were traveling with has apparated next to you. LAURA: (panting) TRAVIS: (startles) LAURA: Hey! (pants) What have you been up to? TRAVIS: (laughs) LAURA: I found this stuff on the street to eat. (gags) I spit it out. Do you want some? TRAVIS: No, I think I'm okay. Where'd you come from? LAURA: Oh, I don't know exactly. I was over by those carts and the-- (poof) (laughter) I bamf. MARISHA: So as you exit The Lavish Chateau, there's an alleyway to the left. You don't see the blink dog anymore. LAURA: Hello! Where am I? TRAVIS: Did you go invisible? LAURA: Did I go invisible? I think I did! MARISHA: (horse hooves clunking) A giant horse just comes bouldering past you, Sprinkle. TRAVIS: (screams) I take off running towards the alley, towards the voice MARISHA: Then a barrel coming from the opposite side as a brew master just rolls a barrel right next to you. TRAVIS: (wails) It actually crunches all of my toes. (laughter) TRAVIS: Ah! Oh god. They somehow heal. (laughter) HEIDI: It's like the squirrel at the beginning of Ice Age. MARISHA: Oh! LAURA: Oh, yeah. MATT: Get up. TRAVIS: Distant, distant relative. ISABELLA: Similar DNA. MARISHA: Sprinkle, you peek around the corner of the alley. LAURA: Giant tongue up your back. TRAVIS: Ah! (sighs) LAURA: I'm glad you found me. TRAVIS: That was kind of nice. LAURA: What are we doing? TRAVIS: I got dropped. I think I got left alone. LAURA: You want to climb on my back? We could go get some food. TRAVIS: Food sounds good. LAURA: Come on! MARISHA: As you say, "Let's go get some food," you actually hear in the very back of the alleyway. rummaging through trash and crates and just general clattering. You hear (bottle clanging) as a bottle falls over. As you look back, you see three other critters, on their own, rummaging through the trash. Why don't, at this point, for those who don't know what Sprinkle and Nugget look like as well, let's go around and describe what everybody looks like. Let's start with you, Sprinkle. TRAVIS: Sprinkle is a red weasel. He's a little fucked up. He's seen some shit. He's missing some fur in some sections, he's got little bandages, homemade and others. Couple frayed whiskers, some that are a little clipped short, and has constant tweaky eyes. He's also fancied himself a little handkerchief around his neck that's toe-up. That's Sprinkle. MARISHA: Let's jump to Nugget, and then we'll jump to the others. LAURA: Well, Nugget looks, you know, like a dog that's brown and it's got some spots on it. It's got some black spots and some white spots and he's got superpowers because... (sighs) He can eat pretty much anything that he wants to, Even stuff that maybe you don't think tastes very good. He can eat it. That's cool. MARISHA: As you hear that bottle crash from behind, the bottle on the top of a crate, you see a little crab that is responsible for batting off the bottle. MATT: Oh, I feel a little bad about that. I uh... I didn't realize that we were in mixed company here, my apologies. Well, you do see, beyond the fact that this odd crustacean that sits squarely between a marbled texture of dark green and turquoise. This aggressive-looking crusty crab who-- ISABELLA: Crusty crab. MATT: Yes, indeed. Who, as much as its voice tries to convey an essence of friendliness, just looks horrifying and not at all the kind of thing that's approachable or pet friendly. Who wants to be my friend? (snaps claws) TRAVIS: Ah, ah. MARISHA: Then next on the ground, you see-- HEIDI: I'm in the trash can, actually. MARISHA: Perfect, even better. HEIDI: Only two of my legs are poking out. As he does that, I reach out with one of the legs and grab him by one of the pinchers, like: Calm down, hold on, hold on. Then that's when I peek the rest of myself out. I'm like, how do you do? Hi, good morning. TRAVIS: Good morning. HEIDI: How are you? My name is Clarence Ladasaul Abraham Pawtucket Pat. But for short, you can call me CLAPP. The CLAPP if you're nasty. Then I pull the bucket out behind as well, and then I just splatter out because that's all eight legs now. I'm just rolling on the floor. (laughter) MATT: I'm Toby. HEIDI: I wave him. MATT: (screams) TRAVIS: CLAPP and Toby? HEIDI: Then I put him down. MARISHA: Then, fluttering a bit above, or whatever you may be doing, Joanne. ISABELLA: Yeah. Fluttering out of the dumpster is-- (laughter) ISABELLA: -- a homely, small dragon, pseudodragon, with a hunched back and a cigar. TRAVIS: Fuck, yes. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: Goes: Oh. Hey. We got friends? HEIDI: Joanne, stop saying that with the cigar in your mouth. Please. ISABELLA: That's my water. HEIDI: Jeez Louise, water? ISABELLA: This is my water! HEIDI: I don't even know her. (laughter) ISABELLA: Water don't even know her? Water don't even know her! HEIDI: I take the bucket and put it right there by you. MATT: I think they're friends. ISABELLA: I'm putting this out. HEIDI: Put it out. ISABELLA: I'm putting this out. HEIDI: Not in my bucket. No! ISABELLA: What do you want me to do with the bucket? HEIDI: I was just showing it off. ISABELLA: I love your bucket. HEIDI: Isn't it pretty? ISABELLA: I love your bucket. HEIDI: Thank you. But careful, there's water in it and I don't want to get it on me. ISABELLA: I don't like water. HEIDI: Not until I have to. (laughter) MATT: Toby just clatters into the water (sighs). HEIDI: Get out of my bucket! TRAVIS: Y-y-you all s-s-seem to know each other. Are you part of like a gang? Are you going to rob us? A-a-are you going to take us for (whines). ISABELLA: You don't look like you got much on you-- (laughter) ISABELLA: -- to rob. HEIDI: I take two of my legs and snap. Mm, that's right. Get him, Joanne. (laughter) You don't look like you're carrying bundles. You don't look like you're carrying bundles at all. ISABELLA: You don't look like you're carrying bundles. MARISHA: Two tentacles just... HEIDI: Two tentacles. You're not carrying bundles. MARISHA: Two tentacles. (laughter) TRAVIS: I forgot I don't have anything. Do you carry anything of value? LAURA: Um. (vomits) I just vomit out some more of the food that I ate on the street earlier. ISABELLA: This one's worse! HEIDI: How old is, that though? How old is this food? LAURA: No, it's pretty recent, actually. HEIDI: I take a little bit of it. MARISHA: Okay, you actually sift through the vomit and it's, you know, there's some bones. TRAVIS: Oh, got stuff already? LAURA: Hey, look at that! HEIDI: Yeah, I found some bones, everyone. ISABELLA: She's the bone collector. HEIDI: This might be good for a stew or something. MARISHA: You never know. HEIDI: I have eight legs, so I could be a good chef. Probably not. LAURA: Do you keep your bones in your water bucket? HEIDI: No, I keep them in my ink hole. LAURA: What? ISABELLA: She keeps them in her ink hole! HEIDI: Thank you, Joanne. I'll show you. I lean over to show my ink hole to Nugget, the dog. ISABELLA: Show your ink hole. MARISHA: Nugget, you have never seen an ink hole. ISABELLA: To the dog. MARISHA: You are too young to have seen an ink hole before. HEIDI: What do you think? LAURA: It looks nice. HEIDI: I know it is, thank you. Never had any complaints. (laughter) LAURA: What are you guys doing? MATT: What's happening? (laughter) ISABELLA: We're making friends, Toby. MATT: Oh, yeah, I like friends. Friends are great. HEIDI: Yes, we love a good friend. MARISHA: There's a bit of a clattering, out into the alleyway, as the hustle and bustle of the city is really starting to pick up as people are starting to get ready to go out to dinner, find their way for the night. Sprinkle, your anxiety is definitely starting to push you to know that it's going to be a small window if you want to move before you get caught. TRAVIS: Oh, listen, I-I-I've been stuck. We should make a break for it, get out of here, find a new beginning. MATT: What are you running from? TRAVIS: I did these crazy magic. They got magic. They go under the water and then they go in the fire all the time. LAURA: Wait, are you talking about those nice people that gave us food and got us out of the cages? Because they were really nice, Sprinkle. MATT: You have a person? TRAVIS: I have a person. MATT: You're a familiar? HEIDI: Oh my goodness! TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: What's a familiar? HEIDI: I gasp with three of my tentacles. (laughter) MATT: I want to be someone's familiar-- LAURA: What's a familiar? MATT: -- so bad! TRAVIS: Well, as far as I can tell, it's kind of like a pet, but there's also a special magical element to it. MATT: Special relationship. HEIDI: I'm like: Pull it back. Dial it down, Toby. We're finding new people. We're meeting new people. (laughter) LAURA: Well, maybe all the other people in the group would want you guys for other familiars then, too, because there's a lot of people in the group that you're with, that we're with. I don't know if we're still with them. I don't know. Am I with them? I'm not sure what I'm doing. TRAVIS: It's okay. Nugget! Shit! HEIDI: What was this? LAURA: I poof. ISABELLA: It's gone! LAURA: So the blink dog puppy that was standing in front of you suddenly-- ISABELLA: And it's gone. MARISHA: -- just a little bit of dust curls up and does that curlique thing. HEIDI: Ew, it got in my ink hole. ISABELLA: Put it away! HEIDI: Sorry. TRAVIS: (laughs) Put it away! HEIDI: I finally put my ink hole away. MARISHA: (laughs) As you hide your ink hole-- HEIDI: Thank you. MARISHA: -- Nugget, poof, you're in the lobby of the Lavish Chateau. LAURA: (gasps) I love this place! Do I see the charcuterie board? MARISHA: The charcuterie board is not here. The charcuterie board was upstairs. LAURA: I smell charcuterie board! I'm going to try to find it. ISABELLA: Board! TRAVIS: Board. ISABELLA: Board. MARISHA: You head upstairs (laughs) and go look for it, and you do indeed, Marion is very busy getting ready. She's got a show coming up in an hour, so she's doing her makeup. LAURA: I lick her ankles a few times. MARISHA: "Oh! "Okay, down. Down, buddy." LAURA: Then I go find the food. MARISHA: Okay, and then yeah, you... Well, she's busy doing her makeup, doing her hair, so she... You eat the remains of the charcuterie board, no problem. The rest of you. MATT: Do we kill him? HEIDI: Do we kill what? MATT: The dog! It went away! TRAVIS: That's just what he does. HEIDI: I didn't do it. TRAVIS: Yeah, he gets a little excited and he poofs. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: It's pretty impressive, actually. HEIDI: Okay. TRAVIS: Do you guys have magic abilities? Can you poof? HEIDI: I can ink. TRAVIS: You can ink? HEIDI: I can ink all over the place, but I can soak things as well. I guess I'm just very nasty, kind of. MARISHA: Inking and soaking. HEIDI: Inking and soaking things, hey! ISABELLA: They're nasty. HEIDI: Joanne, calm down. You didn't complain about it that one time, Joanne. ISABELLA: No. I'm not complaining, I'm stating facts. HEIDI: Just making sure, honey. ISABELLA: Myself, I'm sort of a career familiar. I've been doing it for a long time. Sometimes you're in transition. I've been in transition now a little longer than one would like to be, so you can hang out with us, if you want. We do some magic sometimes. MATT: I've been training for years. It's all I want. ISABELLA: Toby can't seem to catch onto anybody. MATT: Nobody wants a crab. They just look at me and they get hungry. They kick me back in the water. I want a master so bad! ISABELLA: You've got a desperate energy, Toby! MATT: I'm sorry I give off that air! HEIDI: We can't go back to the pier. We can't go back to the pier. We got banned last time, remember? MATT: Sorry. TRAVIS: No pier. No pier, no water. HEIDI: I mean, who would go to the pier? I mean, I don't like water, so I'd really prefer not to. TRAVIS: You don't like water? HEIDI: Yes, I don't like... It scares me. What's it called, a hypochondriac? (laughter) MATT: Hydrochondriac. HEIDI: There it is. MARISHA: Hydrophobic? No, wait, that's... (laughter) TRAVIS: What? ISABELLA: You're not here! (laughter) HEIDI: She there! What Joanne the scammer said. (laughter) HEIDI: I said what I said, and you'll take what you get from it. MARISHA: I can't be mad at it, because it's technically true. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: That's fair. LAURA: Can I peek out of the window from the window that I'm at? MARISHA: You can. As you look over, it's a little bit cracked because it's got the evening breeze starting to come through, and you look down, and you can see a bunch of trash familiars. LAURA: I jump out of the window. MARISHA: Oh god! TRAVIS: Wait! Wait! (screams) (impacts) HEIDI: I use the bucket. MARISHA: Roll a, let's do a sly check on this one to see how you do. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and LAURA: First roll of the game. MARISHA: For those who are familiar, or not familiar, this is a d10 system game. You just have to roll over... You have to, it's easy. TRAVIS: Roll over one of the dice. MARISHA: Roll over one of those dice. Yeah. ISABELLA: We're familiars. LAURA: I rolled a six. MARISHA: Okay, easy enough. LAURA: Oh good. MARISHA: You vault off of the windowsill a little bit, and there's one of those little awnings, so you scooch your butt just right under it and, boop, plop right down. TRAVIS: Oh! What... We thought you were gone forever. LAURA: Hi, I'm Nugget. Who are you guys? HEIDI: I just introduced myself. LAURA: I remember. HEIDI: Nugget, I thought we were better than this. LAURA: I saw your ink-- HEIDI: Nugget... LAURA: I saw your ink hole! HEIDI: You did see my ink hole. Mm, sure did. ISABELLA: Pretty rude to forget someone right after they show you their ink hole. HEIDI: Hey there, baby, ooh! Oh, you know firsthand. ISABELLA: That's not a forgettable ink hole, I got to say. TRAVIS: Is this a permanent base of operations for you, this alley? Because we should move before somebody finds us. MATT: You have leadership energy. TRAVIS: No, no, no! HEIDI: Big leadership energy. MATT: Lead us! TRAVIS: No, no, no, it's not-- (gibberish) LAURA: Where are we going, Sprinkle? TRAVIS: Maybe even just across the street. ISABELLA: Is somebody looking for you? Because nobody's looking for us. HEIDI: How you doing, weasel man? How you doing? MATT: We'll follow you to the ends of Exandria. MARISHA: Sprinkle, when CLAPP mentioned the pier, it actually jogged something in the back of your tiny little weasel brain. TRAVIS: I know. MARISHA: The pier is where you saw the big man get his hand chopped off and sent away. The pier could mean freedom, getting away from this place, and you seem to remember someone calling it the Open Quay. TRAVIS: Hmm... Ow, ow! I remember. HEIDI: (laughs) MATT: I've heard you Quay openly before. HEIDI: Yes, been there before. TRAVIS: Quay openly! (laughs) ISABELLA: Is it not a key? HEIDI: That was a good night. LAURA: Not in Nicodranas. MARISHA: Yeah! (laughs) MATT: We're not going to have this discussion again! (laughter) ISABELLA: I know better. TRAVIS: Listen, you don't like the water? HEIDI: No, I don't like the water. TRAVIS: You don't like the water? HEIDI: No, I hate it. It's horrible. It's so wet. MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Okay. HEIDI: I don't like the feeling of wetness. TRAVIS: Well, listen, we're more inland here, but I really feel like we could find a way out. HEIDI: Is that like Finland? TRAVIS: Ah, oh... Yes? HEIDI: Inland, like Finland? TRAVIS: Yeah, it's a sister country. HEIDI: Okay. TRAVIS: We could find a way outland. MATT: Canon. TRAVIS: To, if we go back down by the water, down by the Open Fay. HEIDI: Hm. I pull Joanne and I pull Toby in with my arms, one with the bucket and then one without the bucket. So, what do y'all think? We just met these cool cats and kittens. What do we think of them? Are we going to go with them? TRAVIS: There's no kittens here. MATT: I say just first glance, that weasel over there, at the very least, seems like a survivor. HEIDI: Seems like a survivor? Okay, we love a survivor. MATT: Yeah. HEIDI: You're a survivor. I'm trying to survive. Joanne? ISABELLA: Oh yeah. HEIDI: If we think they can survive, then you said big leadership energy. MATT: Mm-hmm. HEIDI: We might want to go with them? Is that what we're saying? But that panting, though. ISABELLA: The dog is freaking rather loud. I don't know if we should go with them. HEIDI: Maybe he has asthma. TRAVIS: (laughs) HEIDI: I got an inhaler. ISABELLA: He's sort of a white noise, which I like at times to sleep. HEIDI: I reach into the bucket and pull out an inhaler. I have an inhaler. ISABELLA: Well, it's drenched. HEIDI: I shake it off. MARISHA: It's definitely just a piece of iron tubing, by the way, that you found at the bottom of the ocean. ISABELLA: Give it to the dog. HEIDI: Here's a little chew toy. MATT: ♪ Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? ♪ HEIDI: So we should go. ISABELLA: Let me, hold on. HEIDI: Oh, voice of reason. ISABELLA: Scared one. TRAVIS: (yelps) MARISHA: "Scared one." ISABELLA: You seem to be running from something. I've been there. What are you running from? TRAVIS: So many things. Life? No. Wizards? I don't know. I just wanted a peaceful existence where I could go through a meadow and maybe chase some bugs. ISABELLA: You trying to retire? TRAVIS: Yeah. ISABELLA: I'd love to retire. TRAVIS: Listen, I think down by the water, that's where the more relaxed people go. I think they would be in the market for more people like us, instead of the adventurer, cut them up types. ISABELLA: Oh. You think this real? TRAVIS: It could be, but, but, you'll never know unless we go. ISABELLA: What do we have to lose? HEIDI: Eight legs. ISABELLA: Do your legs grow back or is that lizards? HEIDI: That's lizards. ISABELLA: My apologies. HEIDI: Oh my goodness, not the reptilian. ISABELLA: My apologies. HEIDI: Mm-hmm. That's your neck of the woods, isn't it? ISABELLA: Yes. HEIDI: Look at you. The nerve. TRAVIS: You seem to be the chief negotiator for the... The head negotiator for this group. HEIDI: Yeah. TRAVIS: (coughs) HEIDI: You'll get used to it eventually. MATT: I have cancer. Get it? I'm a crab. TRAVIS: Oh! HEIDI: I ink a little bit because it was funny. ISABELLA: Cancer! MARISHA: Just splats. TRAVIS: Oh no, your hole! HEIDI: Yeah, I know. I hear that a lot. (laughter) LAURA: (gags) I hock back up the inhaler that I swallowed. MARISHA: (laughs) Clang clang clang clang. HEIDI: I put it back in the bucket of water. TRAVIS: But here's the thing, if we're going to make it down there, we've got to find a way to be incognito, in costume. LAURA: Oh. ISABELLA: Costume? TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, we're a bunch of animals. HEIDI: I have an idea. We could go steal some human clothes and go disguised as a person. MATT: That's brilliant! ISABELLA: All standing on top of each other? LAURA: I'll be the legs. HEIDI: A base, and then I have a lot, I could be the arms. I can be the arms, and then we just need someone to be, you could be the eyes, maybe, and then you just make sure that you could... I'm very light, so I don't know why you're looking at me like that. I am very light. You could-- Sprinkle-- TRAVIS: I'm loving this idea. HEIDI: You could put me on your shoulders. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. HEIDI: Joanne, you and Toby can be the face, and you just have the cigar and you're smoking, and yeah, we got this. MATT: With our powers combined! LAURA: You could fly, Joanne, and then you could carry Toby. HEIDI: I'm very smart. I have... LAURA: You want me to get some clothes? TRAVIS: We should practice. We should practice. Let's form up! HEIDI: Okay. ISABELLA: Okay. HEIDI: So we start climbing on top of each other. MARISHA: Okay, I am going to need everybody to make... I feel like this is a-- You're the base? HEIDI: No, you're the base. LAURA: I'm the base. MARISHA: You're the base. TRAVIS: The base is going to fucking-- HEIDI: I'm also the brains of the operation. ISABELLA: That is a good point, that one. TRAVIS: We're primed for success. HEIDI: Oh, you're probably going to bamf out from under us. LAURA: No, I wouldn't ever do that. HEIDI: That's a lie! MARISHA: Give me either, dealer's choice, either a clever or a sly check. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: On however you're either brains-ing this by balancing-- HEIDI: I'm going clever. MARISHA: All right. HEIDI: Okay, so-- MARISHA: Or you're using your muscle memory. HEIDI: Okay. Ooh! I rolled an eight and a plus three. LAURA: Whoa. MARISHA: Golden, crab? MATT: Seven total. MARISHA: Fine. LAURA: Two! MARISHA: Fail. ISABELLA: Five. MARISHA: Fail. TRAVIS: One. MARISHA: Fail. MATT: We're great! HEIDI: Well, we did good. MATT: We did. That's all we need. HEIDI: We did our part. MATT: We got this. HEIDI: We did our part. MARISHA: The aquatics have a great time. They're very used to holding onto things and being battered by waves and currents. ISABELLA: Where am I going? MARISHA: The rest of you, Nugget, you're so distracted, and it just throws the entire tower off. ISABELLA: I'm not good at balancing. HEIDI: Joanne, all you had to do was balance on top of Toby. MARISHA: Joanne, you smash into the brick wall. ISABELLA: Where do you want me to go? MARISHA: You end up falling through the awning that Nugget bounced off of earlier. ISABELLA: Oh, don't get stuck in the bucket! How do I fall? I have wings! MARISHA: Sprinkle, you were... It's because Sprinkle did the lifeguard thing and decided to wrap his hands around your neck. TRAVIS: I panicked! ISABELLA: Don't do that! HEIDI: Sprinkle! MARISHA: You all come crashing to the ground. The three of you, take a stress. TRAVIS: Ah! LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: In this game, if something bad happens, either DM's discretion or if you fail a roll, you take a stress. If the familiars ever roll under the amount of stress that they currently have, they break and have a freakout, that they currently have, they break and have a freakout, and then we'll see what happens when that definitely happens. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: Under or equal to and under? TRAVIS: I feel like I'm already there. MARISHA: Under. Equal to is fine, I'm going to say. HEIDI: Okay, fabulous. We love that. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: So currently, you're okay. MATT: All right. HEIDI: Yahtzee. MARISHA: Everybody. Mm-hmm, Yahtzee. TRAVIS: Did anybody start with stress? MARISHA, LAURA, and MATT: No. TRAVIS: Whew! HEIDI: Probably you. ISABELLA: You seem like it. MATT: I was going to say. TRAVIS: You don't know me! HEIDI: If anybody, it would be you! ISABELLA: You seem like you've broken, to be honest. HEIDI: (laughs) MARISHA: That's true. You've recently snapped. TRAVIS: This is pretty good for me. MARISHA: You had a little brain reset. All right. Bound together by paranoia, and honestly very little persuasion, we now have our familiar party that is looking to solve this familiar problem. You're all graced with a little bit of magical powers, but for the first time in pretty much all of your all's lives, you suddenly have the power of choice. HEIDI: (gasps) That's power. MARISHA: With the camaraderie to back it up. As you creep out of the alleyway behind the Lavish Chateau, the bustling streets of Nicodranas expand past your periphery. Destiny is in your claws. Emboldened by this moment of confidence, you all take a single step out onto the sidewalk as you are suddenly bombarded with sensory overload. You see blurs of color, pedestrians, as they boulder past you. A cacophony of noises from every direction just bombards your brain. Your sense of smell is even failing you, because everything just smells like everything. HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: Everything is a hazard. HEIDI: Oh, lovely. MATT: Hmm. MARISHA: You all are thinking you might want to try and make it towards the outskirts of the city, and probably pretty quickly. HEIDI: So who's the fastest of us? ISABELLA: I can carry one person. HEIDI: Hey, Joanne. How you doing? MARISHA: Who's on Joanne? HEIDI: And a bucket? One and a bucket? ISABELLA: We've tried. HEIDI: Oh, yes, we have. ISABELLA: Who can I carry? MARISHA: I would say maybe Toby. ISABELLA: Toby. Maybe. You move a lot. MARISHA: Maybe Sprinkle. But he moves a lot. HEIDI: Oh, so I'm too big? TRAVIS: I'm just skin and bones. HEIDI: I knew I should've cut off one of these legs. MATT: Red leader, what do we do? TRAVIS: Oh no, don't! (laughs) HEIDI: Red leader. ISABELLA: Yeah, red leader! HEIDI: Ah! TRAVIS: It's shitty out here, isn't it? ISABELLA: Hey, can you poof on command? LAURA: What is poofing? I'm going to run over. ISABELLA: How is this one alive? TRAVIS: That's a good question. MARISHA: Suddenly you all see, just right out of your periphery, a big rug comes swinging past all of your faces as someone-- I need everyone in the way to make a sly check. TRAVIS: Oh god, fuck. MARISHA: No, a quick check. LAURA: Are we all in the way? MARISHA: You're all in the way right now because you're standing in the middle of the alley. TRAVIS: Quick check? ISABELLA: It's not a good day for me. TRAVIS: Seven. MARISHA: Fine. HEIDI: Five. ISABELLA: Four. MARISHA: Fail. LAURA: Nine. HEIDI: Five. ISABELLA: I'm dead. MARISHA: Five is what you had to make. HEIDI: Yes. MATT: Eight. MARISHA: You're good. So Iz, you failed again. ISABELLA: Four. MARISHA: Everyone else sees it just in time, but because you were distracted having this argument about who's going to ride on you, you all just see Joanne get, boom, pelted by a rolled up rug. TRAVIS: No! MATT: No! HEIDI: Baby mama! ISABELLA: Motherfucker! MARISHA: (bumping) You're in the middle of the street. LAURA: Oh no! Can I run over and try to pick up Joanne with my mouth and tongue? MARISHA: Make a quick check. HEIDI: Joanne, no! LAURA: What am I checking? ISABELLA: Help! HEIDI: Joanne, get up! LAURA: A quick check? MARISHA: A quick check. LAURA: Five! MARISHA: Fine. From behind you see a big slobbery nose come up and scoop up from under the-- ISABELLA: Oh! LAURA: I've got you. MARISHA: (clunking) Two giant barrels come rolling past the two of you, because you're in the middle of the street being pushed by a giant half-orc woman. You're being carried? I would say make another quick check to get out of the way. LAURA: Ten! MARISHA: Good! LAURA: I'm so fast. MARISHA: Super solid. You, with that blink dog instinct, even though you don't blink, you just-- feels like you teleported, but you didn't. HEIDI: Oh my god. LAURA: You're safe. HEIDI: That was amazing. LAURA: Don't worry, Joanne. MARISHA: A milkmaid walks up and walks past you, CLAPP. Sets down a few milk cartons and then reaches over and tries to grab your bucket to take off. HEIDI: I take one of the milk bottles with a tentacle and I take the other one with another one and I break them. (glass smashes) I'm like: Put my bucket down, baby. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. HEIDI: I have a terrible fierce plus, but it's okay. A three. MARISHA: Ooh. HEIDI: Put it down! MARISHA: (laughs) The milkmaid goes, "Ah!" and she does scream and drop the bucket but she punts you in the process. HEIDI: Oh, my beak. MARISHA: She starts running. (laughs) She runs down the alley and goes, "It's a rogue tentacle monster!" as she takes off. HEIDI: "Monster"? How dare she? MARISHA: This get the attention of the shopkeep-- ISABELLA: I barely even know her. MARISHA: -- that was right inside. The door comes flying open. HEIDI: Oh jesus. MARISHA: Make a sly check to try and avoid it, a sly or a quick. HEIDI: I'll do sly because I at least have a plus in sly. MARISHA: Good. HEIDI: Oh, a nine. MARISHA: Great, you see it coming. HEIDI: No bumps. ISABELLA: No bumps. HEIDI: No bumps. (laughter) ISABELLA: It's a no bump check. MARISHA: You no bump. (laughs) It's just enough to where there's that gap from the hinges and it just misses you as a shopkeeper comes out with a broom and he goes, "Tentacle monster!" HEIDI: I have them all up. Up against the wall and door. ISABELLA: I'm going to step in front of CLAPP and go (growls). MARISHA: "(screams)" HEIDI: Why are you so-- MARISHA: He swings the broom to you. ISABELLA: Can I try and fly up? MARISHA: Yeah, make a quick move. ISABELLA: Different die. Seven. HEIDI: Yay. MARISHA: Yeah. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah, that's good. Seven makes about sense. ISABELLA: Need one. MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: You need one. (laughter) TRAVIS: All stripes. MARISHA: It is sheer chaos. ISABELLA: Try and catch me. MARISHA: It is only getting worse. This shopkeeper is starting to square off with you now. "Get, get!" LAURA: Are there any wagons around? MARISHA: You do see, if you look over, it's a bit towards down the street, but you do see a wagon with a single horse in front, like a donkey in front of it. ISABELLA: Oh, let's go get it. LAURA: We could ride on the wagon. HEIDI: Toby, Toby. MATT: Yeah? Hi. HEIDI: Grab my bucket and bring it over here. Thank you. Yeah, it'll be a second, but we'll be with y'all. MATT: Let me just-- HEIDI: Got to get my bucket first. TRAVIS: We also have this milk cart. HEIDI: I still have the milk. Do I still have the milk? MARISHA: You do. TRAVIS: Bottles? MARISHA: You do still have the milk bottles. HEIDI: I go under the door with one of them sideways, and I try to hand it to Joanne. ISABELLA: We're on opposite sides of a door? HEIDI: Yeah, the door swept me up against the wall. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: She's pinned between the wall and the door. ISABELLA: Oh my baby. HEIDI: There you go. Just for you. ISABELLA: Then I think Joanne is going to be like: All right, let's go. And start swinging it as she goes across the street to the wagon. MARISHA: The shop keep that-- ISABELLA: Watch out! MARISHA: -- has been trying to stave you off with this broom, is like, "Ah!" HEIDI: It's glass. You might be able to cut something, like a rope or something. ISABELLA: Watch out! MARISHA: "(screams)" ISABELLA: Watch out! MARISHA: Make a fierce check. ISABELLA: Oh, that's good. LAURA: That's good. ISABELLA: A natural zero. TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: (laughs) A natty zero. TRAVIS: That's good. ISABELLA: A natty none. MARISHA: He's very concerned about glass shards getting in his eye. He's got a bit of a stye. So he's like, (screams). ISABELLA: Oh, a stye. MARISHA: Then he runs into the shop and-- MATT: The only time I want my eye near pointy things is when I have a stye. ISABELLA: Just the stye. TRAVIS: Hurry, get under, get under here. I flip over the milk carton, and I put it over our heads so it's a bunch of little feet. MARISHA: Oh my god, you're Metal Gear Solid-ing it? TRAVIS: Yeah, Solid Snake it. MARISHA: Fantastic. HEIDI: Come to the door and get me. TRAVIS: Get your ass under here. HEIDI: I go under and I think, I think Toby's finally here with the bucket. MATT: I'm like four feet behind still. (scraping) MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: I peek out-- MATT: Just a second, I'm working on it. ISABELLA: Come open the door! HEIDI: I peek out under it and I reach out, I grab the bucket. MARISHA: Uh-huh. HEIDI: But not Toby. Come on. But I keep it up, raised up so Toby can go under. MARISHA: Come on, Toby, move. Good, okay great. TRAVIS: Just milk carton and a bucket. (scraping) (laughter) MARISHA: Which is fucking fantastic. Give me a sly check from everybody. TRAVIS: Yeah! HEIDI: Shoot. TRAVIS: No problem. MARISHA: It's an easy check. TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: So that's a fail on that too. ISABELLA: Stupid. TRAVIS: Three! ISABELLA: Stupid game. HEIDI: Oh, do I get a stress for that? ISABELLA: Five. MARISHA: Fine. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: It's an easy check. You have to have a majority success here. LAURA: Three. MARISHA: Okay. ISABELLA: Not good. HEIDI: One. TRAVIS: No! MATT: Three. TRAVIS: (shrieks) LAURA: (laughs) MATT: It's going great! MARISHA: I literally made that the low-- It's one to five is easy, but you all failed it. ISABELLA: But I passed. TRAVIS: You did, yeah. MARISHA: You did pass. TRAVIS: Everyone dies. ISABELLA: Everyone's dead. MARISHA: As you all slowly start to slide, it starts to gather a crowd. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: No one's immediately alarmed. HEIDI: Is there a problem? MARISHA: But a little circle of pedestrians start to watch this. ISABELLA: Look away! Look away! MARISHA: You're the only one who notices. Make another fierce check for me. You've got this. ISABELLA: Oh no. (laughs) Four. HEIDI: That's horrible, this is going bad. ISABELLA: I'm small. People are mostly just like, "What?" MARISHA: Very weirded out by it. ISABELLA: "The fuck is going on?" MARISHA: There are-- It's not even the people who are weirded out by it that end up being the problem. You guys end up scooching right in front of a door to an open tavern. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: Two drunk guys come stumbling out of it. TRAVIS: Incoming! MARISHA: "Oh, that was fucking great. "We got to go see another--" (thudding) Ass over tea kettle. I need everybody to make a fierce check to see if you can stave this off. MATT: 10. LAURA: Are they falling on top of us? Is this what's happening? MARISHA: Yeah, this is what's happening. HEIDI: I got a nine. MARISHA: Okay, okay. HEIDI: Look at me go. I'm back on track. MATT: There we go. HEIDI: Back on track. MATT: Momentum, keep it going. MARISHA: Four, okay. ISABELLA: Seven. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Five. MARISHA: That was actually pretty good. HEIDI: Whew. MARISHA: Nugget, you panic because you see this coming and you bamf. ISABELLA: Badass motherfucker. HEIDI: Where'd she go? ISABELLA: Sorry to quote Dane Cook. HEIDI: Since we're so close in proximity, did we bamf with or no? MARISHA: No, just Nugget. MATT: That would be helpful. TRAVIS: Hitch a ride. LAURA: Yeah. HEIDI: That would be lovely. LAURA: That would be great. ISABELLA: Is she a portkey? (groaning) ISABELLA: Sorry. MARISHA: You all survive the trip because the milk carton ended up, the milk cart actually ended up breaking the guys' falls clattering on top of it, but milk carton is completely shattered and you all are incredibly exposed still with a bunch of people watching. MATT: All right, I got an idea. I learned this special talent from watching other familiars when I was training to become one myself. HEIDI: Ooh. MATT: That cart that had the one horse earlier? I'm going to use my Summon Horse ability but instead of actually magically summoning a horse, because I don't, I go ahead and clamber over and jump onto the horse and go: Hi-yah! HEIDI: Yes. MATT: Pull its reins real fast, while snapping the back of its actual attachment to the cart so we have a horse barreling through. MARISHA: Okay, okay, there's a lot happening. First, I'm going to need you to make a quick move to even get over to the cart because the cart was across the street. MATT: Yeah, that's my plan. MARISHA: All right. TRAVIS: Oh no, you're going to die. MATT: All right, that is a six. LAURA: (laughs) HEIDI: Mm-hmm. That's passable. MARISHA: You are a crab. HEIDI: Oh jesus. MARISHA: It is a wide road. HEIDI: Oh no. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: I got this, don't worry, guys! MARISHA: You're not moving as quickly as you would like. MATT: Sliding speed. MARISHA: Conversely-- MATT: Watch me go. MARISHA: As you look in that direction, you see Nugget is by the cart. MATT: Oh, that's so cool. LAURA: Come on! Hi! Come on, I got the cart. MARISHA: (laughs) HEIDI: Yeah. MARISHA: You all making your way? ALL: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay, you all-- MARISHA: ♪ Makin' your way ♪ HEIDI: -- downtown, and I'm just-- MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: You vibing? HEIDI: I'm taking a leisurely stroll. TRAVIS: Oh shit. HEIDI: They can't clock me. Can I camouflage? We can camo-- MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: I can camouflage, right, because I'm a-- MARISHA: Yeah, you're, you're-- HEIDI: I look like the road, so I'm just leisurely making my way. MARISHA: Okay, that's fantastic, so give me a clever check for that to see how well you camouflage. HEIDI: Okay, good. MARISHA: Everybody else, give me a quick check-- HEIDI: I got to play to my strengths. MARISHA: -- to see how well you dart across-- HEIDI: Seven. MARISHA: Seven? Yeah. LAURA: That's so cool. MARISHA: You take the shape and end up having the little spiky barbs come up as well to make you look like a grainy sandy road. TRAVIS: Oh no, where'd she go? HEIDI: They can't see me, honey. TRAVIS: First Nugget, then CLAPP, it's just three of us. Survival of the fittest, 11. MARISHA: Good. HEIDI: Jesus, okay, noted. ISABELLA: 10. MARISHA: Good! Okay, you guys are all doing good this time. You start making your way, you're completely terrified so that gives you the adrenaline rush to make it to the cart. You're taking your time, but you'll be there in a minute. You fly right on over, you're good. All of you end up making your way onto the back of the cart. CLAPP, you're like 20 seconds behind or-- Sorry, not CLAPP. Toby, you're-- MATT: Going to summon that horse. HEIDI: Can I grab him on my way, put him in the bucket? MARISHA: Sure. HEIDI: I pick Toby up and put him the bucket. MARISHA: Great. HEIDI: I'm like-- MATT: Oh jeez. HEIDI: You take too long, come on. ISABELLA: Did you cast a spell for that? MATT: I did. LAURA: Oh, the one time. MATT: But it summoned a horse! HEIDI: We got a horse now. MATT: We do. Thank you, CLAPP. HEIDI: You welcome. MARISHA: Did you say were going to try and be the attachment to the horse and the wagon? Is that what you said? MATT: Well, the original thought was I was going to rush the horse over to them, but seeing as how they got there far before I did, because I'm a crab, I'm going to leave the cart attached and try and grab the reins and "Yah!" MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: Do we have to break a rope or anything? MARISHA: No, no one expected this cart to move because it didn't have a horse, so it is not tied down. So you are now all in the back of a horse, or the back of a-- HEIDI: In the back horse. MARISHA: (laughs) In the back of a-- Well, Toby is on the back of a horse. The rest of you are in the cart as you take off clattering down the streets of Nicodranas. TRAVIS: With a fucking crab driver. MARISHA: With a crab driving. ISABELLA: Crab driver. HEIDI: Should we try disguising ourself as a person again, to see if we can get the shape of a person that looks-- TRAVIS: On a moving cart? ISABELLA: On a horse? MARISHA: You guys can take a look, see what's in the cart. ISABELLA: Oh, what's in the cart. HEIDI: I have eight arms, seven because my bucket. I take seven arms and dig around. MARISHA: Okay, make a clever-- both of you make a clever check to see what you find. HEIDI: Let's do this. Let's turn up. Ooh, that's plus three, a 12. MATT and LAURA: Ooh! ISABELLA: Three. HEIDI: I'm looking for gold, honey. TRAVIS: Left in the cart. MARISHA: It appears-- ISABELLA: Oh fuck, I left all my gold in my cart. (laughter) TRAVIS: Out on the street. ISABELLA: I hope they have Apple Pay. MARISHA: They-- whatever this, whoever this cart belonged to might have been some sort of fireworks dealer and sparklers dealer. Now there is not-- TRAVIS: Sparklers dealer. MARISHA: -- really anything left in the cart because they did take the shipment out and were clearly probably dropping it off, but what you do find wedged in the bottom. HEIDI: Oh? MARISHA: -- is a broken bottle rocket. LAURA: CLAPP finding everything. HEIDI: Honey, y'all ain't looking hard enough. I'm finding everything-- A broken bottle rocket. MATT: She got them sticky fingers. HEIDI: Okay. I got a lot of them. Watch out for these broken bottle rockets. LAURA: I'm leaning my head out side of the cart and experiencing the smells and the beauty of the city. MARISHA: It's the greatest fucking day of your life. LAURA: This is amazing. MARISHA: You've never really experienced-- you've been on the back of carts, but it's always been inside of a cage and it was always a very slow moving cart. This cart is moving at an obnoxious speed, considering it's being driven by a crab. Give me a sly check to navigate the bustling Nicodranas streets. MATT: As I'm doing this, I'm also shouting out behind the horse: Do you have a name, friend? HEIDI: Yes! MARISHA: "Uh. I just apparated "and I've had 30 seconds of memories." MATT: All right, Thirty, keep going! MARISHA: "Okay." HEIDI: Your name's Ed. MARISHA: "I have a name." MATT: That's a 10. ALL: Oh! TRAVIS: Get out of here. MARISHA: Okay, so you see-- MATT: Crab driver. MARISHA: You see a group of-- like a family of five, and this amazing looking family that's clearly on vacation. They're in nice white linens and they're-- you know, have their hair all done up in the big hats as they're going out for a night on the town after coming in from the beach, as a horse drawn cart with a crab comes barreling towards them. It's not even that you were sly enough to dodge them. They're just smart enough to get the fuck out of the way. MATT: Yeah, I won't take any credit for this. MARISHA: You see two kids go one way, and the other three with the parents grab a five year old and jump out of the way. LAURA: Can I grab a hat in my mouth as we drive by them? TRAVIS: Nugget, you come back inside! Sprinkle has three points of contact in the wagon, he's splayed in the corner and he's like: Please don't let me fall. HEIDI: I take one leg to try and keep him calm and rub him. Stay calm, it's okay. TRAVIS: (whimpers) HEIDI: It's not working, it's okay. Goochie, goochie, goo. ISABELLA: I'm using the cigar as sage. HEIDI: Sage? TRAVIS: (chokes) MARISHA: You know what? I'll say in this moment with the tender touch from CLAPP and this solemn moment that I would count that as your fellow familiars soothing you, so go ahead and remove a point of stress. TRAVIS: Oh shit, fam! HEIDI: You're welcome. Just you know, I have one point. If anyone wants to take mine away as well. (laughter) LAURA: I got you a hat. Do you want it? HEIDI: Yeah, I'll take it. I take two of my tentacles, take it out of the mouth, take two more, wipe off the saliva because I know there's plenty, and I place it on the back, turned backwards. MARISHA: Oh and it's like one of those big woven sun hats. HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: That has like-- HEIDI: I'm giving drama. MARISHA: One side of it pinned up and it's got like-- HEIDI: Kentucky Derby. MARISHA: A hundred percent, it's a derby hat, and it's got these nice big hydrangeas that are pinned to the side of it. HEIDI: Blue. MARISHA: So-- blue hydrangeas. It's got a blue ribbon around it to accompany it and yeah, you spin it around and you are now an octopus wearing derby hat. HEIDI: Y'all can't take me. (laughter) MARISHA: You look over your shoulder and you see the wife of this family, just kind of. HEIDI: I look over and wave a couple tentacles at them. MARISHA: She's just confused. She's not even mad, she's just confused. HEIDI: And I ink a little bit. ISABELLA: Fucking gorgeous, CLAPP. HEIDI: Joanne, I don't know why you playing, you already know this. ISABELLA: I have never played a day in my life. HEIDI: Oh, I know it. You always so serious. Then I dip myself in my bucket because I feel like it's probably time I dip myself in my bucket. MARISHA: Okay, you have a little hydration moment. HEIDI: So I'm like (screams). (laughter) Then I climb out. My skin's wet! Then I shiver a little bit. I'm like: Mm. MARISHA: You know what? Take a point of stress. LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: It's just so much. Especially because it's-- it's starting to get that evening breeze as the sun is setting so it's cold. HEIDI: The breeze. TRAVIS: It's stressful. MARISHA: You get a little prickly on your skin. HEIDI: Oh jesus. MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: But I kept the hat dry, because two of my-- LAURA: You stick it out of the bucket? HEIDI: Yeah. MARISHA: (laughs) You all continue bolting down the road until the buildings finally get more and more sparse, until they eventually stop reproducing. You all find yourselves at a clearing. MATT: That's how they make more buildings. HEIDI: Reproducing. MARISHA: Right on the outskirts of town. For a moment, you all catch your breath. LAURA: (heavy breathing) TRAVIS: (calls) MARISHA: You can hear the white noise of the city behind you. LAURA: (breathes heavily) HEIDI: I take two tentacles and wrap around the snout of Nugget, just for a second. Everyone take a breath in, out, and then I let go. ISABELLA: Can I have one of those baby suction things-- MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh) ISABELLA: -- to suck the-- Clear her nose out? MARISHA: You know, you don't find one of those, but you can always use your mouth. HEIDI: Oh, go for it. Joanne, if you do this, don't you ever bring your mouth back over here, girl. (laughter) ISABELLA: Absolutely not. HEIDI: Don't you bring that mouth back over here, Joanne. (laughter) HEIDI: Clearly you want to. All you can have is the ink hole at that point. ISABELLA: Not my baby. TRAVIS: Suddenly, as you have this quiet moment, the white noise of the city starts to fade away a little bit. But then you hear up ahead, maybe 50 yards or so-- HEIDI: Oh, a big bad. MARISHA: You see... LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: You do. You see another cart with two horses, two Palominos in the front of it. MATT: Oh, I feel very shown up. MARISHA: Walking around the cart, you see this hooded merchant in gray and gold casual robes. You can't quite see his face just yet. You also see on the back of this cart, a number of cages of varying sizes. The side of the cart, sports a sign that says, Creatures of Fantastical Possible Talent. ISABELLA: Possible? TRAVIS: Possible? MARISHA: The man turns around as he's clearly looking for something. Then you also see two other humanoid figures, flanking on the corners of the edge of this jungle outcropping. He's heavier set, has darker tanned skin, very sun worn. He has a bit of a double chin that pokes out from under the scarf that he has loosely draped over his head to shield what is definitely a balding scalp from the sun. HEIDI: What does the scarf look like? MARISHA: It's just a yellow, soft linen. HEIDI: Ooh! Yellow, you say? MARISHA: Yes. HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: Like a pale yellow, not like a bright yellow, like-- HEIDI: Okay. Accessories. MARISHA: Exactly. You can see his two younger apprentices. One looks like a younger female halfling, and the other which looks like an androgynous, early 20's human. They're both wearing light linen colored shirts, button downs, and are carrying nets, as they patrol the perimeter. ISABELLA: Under the horse. MATT: What does the sign say on their cart? HEIDI: Can we read it? LAURA: Those are the bad people. MARISHA: I would say you all know just enough-- HEIDI: Oh, we know what that is. MARISHA: -- Common to get the hint. It says, Creatures of Fantastical Possible Talent. MATT: That's us! ISABELLA: Under the horse. MATT: What do they do with people? ISABELLA: Under the horse. LAURA: They put you in cages and they don't let you out until somebody comes and pays for you. MATT: But then they give you to somebody? LAURA: Yeah, but their people-- MATT: Take me! HEIDI: No, Toby, no! TRAVIS: No! Toby, you don't know what you're asking for! MATT: This is my chance! TRAVIS: You don't know what you're asking! HEIDI: Toby, no! MATT: I can serve someone! HEIDI: Toby! MATT: (groans) MARISHA: One of the-- female halfling looks over her shoulder. HEIDI: I camo into the cart. MARISHA: (vanishing) TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: You can almost see-- HEIDI: I'm smart. MARISHA: -- the striations of the wood slats. LAURA: Just the hat. MARISHA: But there's your levitating hat. (laughter) Next to a bucket. HEIDI: It just looks like the hat's on the floor, and the bucket is still. MATT: Perfect. Sorry, I got excited. HEIDI: Toby, please! MATT: Sorry, sorry. ISABELLA: I don't know, maybe it could be good for him. I think it's exactly what he wants. TRAVIS: I don't know why we're trying to stop this from happening. HEIDI: We have to find the right person, though. ISABELLA: And these ones-- MARISHA: "Any sign of them," you hear the older merchant shout out. "Huh? "No. No, not yet Mr. Drudy." "Well, keep looking! "They can't have gotten far. "I can't even speak, I'm so frustrated." ISABELLA: Can't have gotten far. MARISHA: "Can't have gotten far." HEIDI: Yo, we got to get out of here. TRAVIS: Does the name Mr. Drudy ring any bells to Nugget and myself? LAURA: It's the cart we came from. MARISHA: You don't even have to roll for it. You recognize this as the cart that you were recently trapped in, purchased from, along with that owl that rambled a lot. TRAVIS: That bitch? LAURA: That owl was so annoying. TRAVIS: Snitch ass! LAURA: Yeah. (laughter) HEIDI: Snitch ass. TRAVIS: Fuck him. (laughter) HEIDI: Snitch ass. TRAVIS: Thaddeus. LAURA: How do we get away from them? I don't want to be in the cage again. MARISHA: "I am a dead man, "if I've lost the magistrate's order "of the blind magical mice." LAURA: Blind magical mice. HEIDI: We hear that. LAURA: We could eat them. MARISHA: "Anything yet?" (Assistant) "No. "No, we're still... "I do think I heard something though. "Just hang on." HEIDI: Mm-mm, you didn't hear nothing. MARISHA: Drudy says, the man apparently called Drudy. "All of this stress, it has me winded. "You two, keep looking. "I just need to rest my eyes for a moment." He goes over to the backside. You can see they popped up a little temporary camp, as it looks like they're about to head into or out of town. He has a little bit of a blanket, quilted rug, laying down in front of the cart, and the man lays down and does the old man on his back and crosses and lays down for a moment, while his two assistants continue to scan the perimeter. LAURA: Oh no! Oh no! MARISHA: So we are going to play-- ISABELLA: Toys. MATT: Oh no! MARISHA: -- Don't Wake Drudy. MATT: Oh no! (laughs) HEIDI: What is this? MATT: I'm having flashbacks. TRAVIS: Whoa! HEIDI: What is this? TRAVIS: Whoa! ISABELLA: Is that man sleeping in a suit? HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: (laughs) The '50s were a weird time, Izzy. ISABELLA: Or a night shirt. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. HEIDI: Yeah. LAURA: That man's eyes are already open. MARISHA: So-- HEIDI: Can't have everything. TRAVIS: He's a marine. HEIDI: Okay. ISABELLA: His mouth is-- MARISHA: The two assistants-- HEIDI: With that mouth, he looks like-- MARISHA: -- start flanking around this outcropping that you guys find yourselves in. You can see directly across this outcropping that there appears to be a little dirt path that goes into the sanctuary of the canopy of the nearby jungle. But in order to get to that safe haven, that path crosses directly beyond Drudy. You have to walk past him. You can see as the other two assistants are making their patrols, that you can probably time it for a well-timed dart. LAURA: Okay. HEIDI: Fabulous. TRAVIS: Are there other animals that we can see locked up in cart? MARISHA: You can. LAURA: Yeah. ISABELLA: I was about to say, we have to save everyone. TRAVIS: We have to save everyone. HEIDI: Oh, we're about to scrap then is what y'all saying. TRAVIS: We about to-- HEIDI: I grab my milk bottle that's broken from earlier. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: I'm still like a plank though, but the arm comes up with the milk and it's like, so we about to fight, is that what's happening? TRAVIS: Blood will draw attention. HEIDI: Huh. MATT: Not if you finish the job. LAURA: They have-- HEIDI: Oh, Toby, please! MATT: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. LAURA: They have keys. They have keys, that's how they open up the cages. HEIDI: They have keys? TRAVIS: Nugget loves keys. HEIDI: So what if we had a distraction? ISABELLA: Your tentacles can get in those locks. HEIDI: Oh, you know. ISABELLA: I know. HEIDI: You know how my tentacles can work. ISABELLA: I know! HEIDI: Oh, you know! (laughter) But I need-- ISABELLA: I know! HEIDI: But I need a distraction! ISABELLA: A distraction. HEIDI: Maybe an agile someone. LAURA: I'll go! TRAVIS: I'm actually really good with locks as well. HEIDI: Oh, you good with locks? TRAVIS: Like magic. HEIDI: So I ain't got to put myself at risk. That's good. So then, I-- ISABELLA: We don't have much time, if you guys want to go at it together. There seem to be a lot of cages. HEIDI: We can work together. TRAVIS: Can you ink into the air and create a distraction or cover for us somehow? HEIDI: If you tickle me. LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Tickle? HEIDI: Yeah. (laughter) If you tickle me, I ink all the time. I can always just cast it, but if you make me ink, it's fine. TRAVIS: You see a finger. He looks at his own finger. ISABELLA: I am actually going to cast Mist around us. HEIDI: Yeah! TRAVIS: Oh! MARISHA: Okay. Yes. HEIDI: It's actually just the smoke from the cigar. MARISHA: Fantastic. (laughter) MARISHA: Oh, yeah. Especially, you're this mini pseudodragon, and then it starts to billow around you. And you-- ISABELLA: Cuban fog! HEIDI: Yes! (laughter) I'm like, woo! Them foggy winds have come in, honey. Wow. MARISHA: That cigar smoke starts to combine with the late sea mist that is coming in. It starts to, poof, poof, almost in these concentric circles, as it expands out. You all are now completely under a mist. TRAVIS: Obscuring us. HEIDI: Joanne, you haven't done that since the last time. ISABELLA: God, it's been a while. LAURA: We got to get the cages open. HEIDI: It's so romantic. ISABELLA: All right, let's go. TRAVIS: I'm going to start on one side. I'll take the starboard side. Who wants to take the port side? LAURA: CLAPP, you want to ride on my back? HEIDI: I'm always down for a port, honey. Let's go. I'm going to be invisible as well. I'm going to camouflage myself is how I'm doing it. Sorry, I can't camouflage you, too. I do apologize. TRAVIS: Goddamn it! ISABELLA: I camouflaged us, so. HEIDI: Fair, but I want extra security, because I'm delicate. ISABELLA: Of course. HEIDI: Yes. MATT: I'll be playing defense. If anyone gets too close, I'll cut off their face! HEIDI: Snip 'em. LAURA: Do you want to ride on my back? TRAVIS: What the fuck? HEIDI: I give you the broken milk bottle, glass milk bottle. MATT: I will not let you down. HEIDI: You've got my back? MATT: I've got your back. HEIDI: I stand up on all seven-- LAURA: Toby, do you want to be on my back? Do you want to be on my back? HEIDI: I'm really tall now. ISABELLA: Why not? LAURA: You wouldn't want to be on my back? MARISHA: -- suck it in. ISABELLA: Actually, maybe not, in case you poof. HEIDI: With the hat still on, though. LAURA: I don't know what a poof is. Do you want to be on my back? TRAVIS: Toby and Nugget, sounds pretty good. LAURA: Come on, Toby. MATT: I climb with one claw into Nugget with the-- LAURA: Ow. MATT: (grunts) ISABELLA: All right. HEIDI: So you be surveillance, because you can fly around and see everything. ISABELLA: I'll surveil. HEIDI: Surveil. (laughs) ISABELLA: I'll surveil. HEIDI: That sounds right. ISABELLA: But I got to talk to you. LAURA: What? ISABELLA: There may come a time in every blink dog's life. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: Where they need to know, sometimes you disappear. You notice that? HEIDI: Yeah, we got to break this to you, sis. LAURA: I do notice sometimes, everybody else disappears. TRAVIS and MARISHA: (laugh) ISABELLA: Exactly. TRAVIS: (laughs) ISABELLA: Exactly. HEIDI: And you just never thought it was you that disappeared? ISABELLA: So, for us, you were going to a new place. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: Too much for you? TRAVIS and MARISHA: (laugh) HEIDI: You just-- Let's finish this mission and we'll check back in. ISABELLA: Mm-hmm. HEIDI: We'll check back in. MARISHA: Nugget, make a clever check. ISABELLA: Uh-oh. HEIDI: Oh, jesus. MATT: (laughs) ISABELLA: Will you get it? LAURA: Oh! Oh! Six! MARISHA: Okay, you needed a five. LAURA: Oh! MARISHA: The concept of impermanence doesn't stress you out enough to make you bamf in this moment. ISABELLA: Uh-oh! LAURA: I thought I grasped the concept. MARISHA: In this moment. LAURA: I didn't. MATT: No. MARISHA: You haven't, no. TRAVIS: There's no roll for that. MARISHA: It just hasn't-- Yeah. HEIDI: It won't happen right now, that's good. MARISHA: You didn't get existential about it-- HEIDI: That's fine, though. MARISHA: -- is basically it. HEIDI: We'll take it. We'll take it. MARISHA: Okay. So-- HEIDI: We'll definitely take that. MARISHA: The two of you, you're going port side, you're going starboard side. You two are playing defense, and you're patrol. LAURA: We're going to run around. MARISHA: All right. HEIDI: Can you breathe fire, Joanne? I've never asked. MARISHA: You still have this amazing cover. Patrol, make a-- TRAVIS: Surveillance. MARISHA: Yeah. Sorry, surveillance. TRAVIS: Overwatch. MARISHA: Make a check for patrol. Make a clever check. TRAVIS: Eagle eye. HEIDI: You got this. MATT: (like McCree) I believe you. ISABELLA: Seven. LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: Great! HEIDI: Okay, that's solid. MARISHA: Right now, the two assistants are on their furthest back arc. So they're very close right now to the other side of this clearing towards the entrance of the jungle. You can see, they're doing a little scan of the bushes as they both look at each other and turn back and start making their way slowly-- TRAVIS and LAURA: ♪ Makin' their way ♪ MARISHA: -- around this way, flanking towards you all. So you have a pretty good windowing right now. TRAVIS: ♪ (melody of "A Thousand Miles") ♪ HEIDI: I'm still up on all seven legs right now, with my hat as well. MATT: Hell yeah. MARISHA: The two of you, because you have cover from Izzy's smoke cloud-- TRAVIS: Cigar cover. MARISHA: I would say that's going to add a plus one to your sly check right now each of you combining your sly that you have as well. You're not going to roll. That will negate whatever you spin-- TRAVIS: Oh! MARISHA: -- on Don't Wake Drudy. LAURA: Wait. HEIDI: What happened? TRAVIS: You got to spin the arrow. LAURA: Oh, and you have to get... TRAVIS: Subtract that from whatever. LAURA: Oh my god. MARISHA: Then take your sly that you currently have and subtract it by the number. Then that's going to go into Don't Wake Drudy. LAURA: Okay. So spin. HEIDI: Oh, jesus. TRAVIS: No pressure. No pressure! MARISHA: Two. HEIDI: Two. LAURA: Okay. HEIDI: It was a horrible spin. But I'm not going to complain. MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: What's your sly? HEIDI: One, and then plus the one. MARISHA: Okay. So nothing. You're good for right now. ISABELLA: Okay. HEIDI: Oh yeah, you're the other one, so you-- TRAVIS: My turn? HEIDI: -- have to do it now. ISABELLA: Okay. I need it explained again. HEIDI: We're at a even, honey. Don't let us down. ISABELLA: I may need to explain-- LAURA: To Toby what Don't Wake Drudy is? ISABELLA: We're subtracting that from our-- MARISHA: You subtract your sly from-- LAURA: So what's the star mean? MARISHA: The star is a safe. Once again! MATT and TRAVIS: Oh! MARISHA: So-- HEIDI: Boom, boom, boom! MARISHA: Because you have this amazing cover, you've got a great plan, you both successfully dart across the way and find yourself on the starboard and port side of the cart. You all get up to it. In the cart you see in a bottom cage, a longer oblong shaped one, you see a peacock. On your side, you see a tinier one, a nice square, that's got two baby tiger cubs in it. LAURA: Oh, I remember that. TRAVIS: At the mall. MARISHA: Then above-- That's true. Above, on the top row above these two, you see a collection, about three varieties of exotic birds. HEIDI: Okay. Fabulous. ISABELLA: Okay great. Okay. MARISHA: Let's do a Nugget-- ISABELLA: What the fuck? MATT: Oh, goodness. Okay, okay! MARISHA: And crab check. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Because you're standing guard-- MATT: I need a six! MARISHA: -- but you still risk ruining this for everybody. MATT: No, we're going to save it because we're great! HEIDI: Okay. LAURA: Do they have food in this camp? HEIDI: What is that? TRAVIS: Ooh! MATT: That's a four! HEIDI: A four. TRAVIS: Ooh! MARISHA: What's your sly? MATT: One! TRAVIS: Oh! Three? LAURA: But we also have a cover. TRAVIS: Wait, wait, wait! Are we still going to cover one? HEIDI: Oh plus one, so two. So it's only two. MARISHA: It's only two. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Why am I waiting? TRAVIS: No, I'm ready. MATT: Oh, thank god. MARISHA: Nugget, your turn. ISABELLA: How the fuck does this work? HEIDI: You got to get the fuck out of here now. TRAVIS: If he springs up, we in trouble. ISABELLA: If he gets up, that psycho-- MARISHA: If he gets up, there will be consequences. HEIDI: He don't want these problems. Four. LAURA: Oh, no, four. MARISHA: What's your sly? LAURA: One, so two. MATT: The same. HEIDI: Two. TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: (groans) HEIDI: I don't like this. I don't like this. MATT: I'm having flashbacks! HEIDI: I don't like this. I don't like this. TRAVIS: He doesn't scream when he sits up right now, right? MARISHA: Let's do one for you as well to make sure as you're patrolling. HEIDI: Patrol, even? MARISHA: Mm-hmm. HEIDI: Oh, jesus! Thought you'd be flying high enough to not be seen or heard. MARISHA: You got a lot of bonuses for this. ISABELLA: Six. LAURA: Oh! TRAVIS: Damn! MARISHA: What's your sly? LAURA: No! ISABELLA: Two. MARISHA: Okay. ISABELLA: Plus one, so three. MARISHA: So we have three going in. TRAVIS: (groans) LAURA: Good god, Drudy. HEIDI: God. MARISHA: (laughs) ISABELLA: That thing's a fucking pervert. (laughter) (laughter) HEIDI: We're still here. We're still here, though. MARISHA: Oh, the Don't Wake Daddy hot take. (laughter) ISABELLA: Look at him. Look at him. He's fucked up. MATT: I'm just glad for your mist. That is saving our ass right now. MARISHA: Yes, it really is. That was a good call. All right, what are the two of you all doing? HEIDI: I'm about to let some of these animals out. What you trying to do? TRAVIS: I'm going up. I'm going up. HEIDI: Okay, I want to do... Should I do the cubs or should I do-- LAURA: Do the cubs. HEIDI: I have to-- LAURA: They're so nice. HEIDI: -- let the babies out. I have to let the babies out. MARISHA: They are babies. You come up to them and they just go, (high pitched) "Hi." HEIDI: Oh, well, I don't know about that. MARISHA: Then the other one goes-- HEIDI: What's the bird's giving? MARISHA: "Hi." (laughter) HEIDI: What are the birds giving? MARISHA: The tigers just go, "I'm hungry." LAURA: Aw. HEIDI: Oh, I ain't got no food, I'm sorry. MARISHA: "Hungry." HEIDI: I got some bones. TRAVIS: You got to get them out. ISABELLA: Give them the bones. TRAVIS: I'm going after-- MARISHA: "Are you my mom?" TRAVIS: (gasps) HEIDI: Maybe. MARISHA: About this time, one of the birds, you see one of the birds go, and peeks over, down at you, out of his cage. HEIDI: Well, who is you? MARISHA: "Yo." HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: "Let me out." HEIDI: Hello? MARISHA: "Yo." HEIDI: Well, since I have so many legs, I could probably open both at the same time. MARISHA: "You're cute." HEIDI: Oh, well, oh-- You better stop. I'm almost taken, but we're open. (laughter) MARISHA: "Oh, "you want to let me out though?" HEIDI: I can definitely let you out, baby. MARISHA: "All right. "Can you hurry?" HEIDI: I use this... Oh, so you want to rush? Oh, so you're that one. MARISHA: "I've been stuck in here for like three weeks." HEIDI: Didn't nobody tell you to get up in there. MARISHA: "Cage is full of shit." HEIDI: Who told you to use the restroom in there? MARISHA: "Literally have shit stuck to my tail." HEIDI: Oh, I didn't, I don't, I really didn't-- I don't know if I can keep flirting with him. MARISHA: "Am I not, am I--" ISABELLA: What's going on down there? TRAVIS: Things are going. MARISHA: "Am I like, is this bad? "Am I not sealing the deal with this?" HEIDI: I unlock both. I just stopped talking to them and just start unlocking both cages. MARISHA: Okay. It's going to be tough. Make a clever check. HEIDI: Okay. MARISHA: Clever or sly. HEIDI: I'm doing clever, because I have a plus three in clever. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Uh-huh! HEIDI: Here we go. Oh, a two, a five. Okay. (laughs) A five. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: Uh-uh. HEIDI: It's because I'm trying to open both at the same time, isn't it? LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Yes. It's just cumbersome enough. You can wrap your tentacles and get into some of the locks, but you need at least one or the other to get that mechanism to lift the tumblers underneath. HEIDI: Okay. So then, okay. So then I'll just-- the birds can chill for a second. I need to get the babies out. MARISHA: Okay. While you try and get the babies out, we're going to go over to Sprinkle. TRAVIS: I go over the peacock and I'm like: Your feathers are so, so beautiful. MARISHA: "I know." TRAVIS: Oh shit. (laughter) TRAVIS: I want to get you out of here. But I just want to make sure that you know, this city is very dangerous. You sure you want out? MARISHA: "Whatever. "I'm a fucking peacock. We're crazy." ISABELLA: Oh. MARISHA: "You know that, right?" HEIDI: I'm hearing this. I look across, like. MATT: Yeah! (laughs) TRAVIS: You just lean. (laughs) HEIDI: My arms are still working though. (laughter) TRAVIS: Okay, so, um-- MARISHA: "You can call me Trish, by the way." HEIDI: I don't like her. TRAVIS: Trish? MARISHA: "Yeah." ISABELLA: Classic Trish. TRAVIS: Ugh. Trish, what a dame. Okay. LAURA: Oh, it's Trish the Dish. I remember her. She's wonderful. Let her out! TRAVIS: Oh, okay. I'll use-- MARISHA: "I'll take it." TRAVIS: I'll use my door magic to, I take my tail that's frayed and missing fur in some places, like (slurps) like turn it into a little lock pick and-- MARISHA: Fantastic. You mark off that spell. You do it no problem. TRAVIS: Sweet. HEIDI: Well, come get this other door then, while I work on. (laughter) MARISHA: Trish pops out. HEIDI: I hear the clink. Well, come do this other one. They're stressing me out. MARISHA: "Thank you so much." TRAVIS: You're welcome, beautiful. MARISHA: "I don't have some, "am I supposed to like give you something? "I don't know, like..." TRAVIS: I mean, you could... MARISHA: "No, that's, mm, no. "Here, I have this. "I like ate from it, earlier. "It's just scrap. "Here, take that, though." TRAVIS: Oh! MARISHA: "All right. "Kay, thanks, bye!" And Trish just walks off into the jungle. (laughter) HEIDI: Trish! TRAVIS: A lemon peel helmet. HEIDI: That sounds like defense, honey. TRAVIS: It might be. (laughs) As the helmet comes on, his demeanor shifts, he's like. (cute whines) (growls) (oohing) MATT: (laughs) HEIDI: I feel it. ISABELLA: It's like cleaning a cast iron. HEIDI: Made my legs quiver a little. MARISHA: "Oh my god, ooh..." As your legs quiver, it-- HEIDI: The lock. MARISHA: Yes, it's just exactly what you needed, roll again. Give me another clever check. HEIDI: Please, something, please. A zero. LAURA: No, that's great, that's 10! MARISHA: That's a 10! HEIDI: Oh, yeet! TRAVIS: Yeet! (laughter) MARISHA: Just as-- (laughter) HEIDI: I just peel the bars back. MARISHA: Emboldened by the fabulousness of Trish, and the fabulousness of now a fellow familiar, who's rocking the hat game. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: Oh my gosh. MARISHA: Click, click, click. (door squeaks) HEIDI: The babies! MARISHA: The babies. "Mom." HEIDI: I have children now, Joanne. MARISHA: "Mom." TRAVIS: (screams) MARISHA: "Food? "Food?" HEIDI: Already? MARISHA: "Mom, food." HEIDI: One second. I have some bones. (laughter) HEIDI: We got to get to safety first. I grab them. MARISHA: "Okay." HEIDI: I look over. Come let these birds out. I got to get these babies to safety, Mr. Sprinkles, man. MARISHA: "This is squishy." TRAVIS: Okay. HEIDI: I start to make my way-- MATT: ♪ Makin' my way ♪ HEIDI: -- away. MARISHA: All right. Make a sly check again. You are leaving. I will say, you are now leaving the zone of... HEIDI: The zone? TRAVIS: Oh, the haze zone? MARISHA: Of smoke. As you now try to get these babies to safety. MATT: Is it a sly check or is it a spin check? ISABELLA: Wait until we're done. MARISHA: Huh? MATT: It's a sly check or-- MARISHA: Yeah, it's a spin check. But, I'm just saying-- ISABELLA: But, w-w-wait until we're done. (laughter) LAURA: "Whicka way wha wha." ISABELLA: Wait until we're done, right? MARISHA: Yeah, well, I guess this is a good question. What are you doing, Joanne, right now? Are you still on patrol? ISABELLA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Would your relationship be described as a... MARISHA: Okay, make another sly check. HEIDI: Or should I still be-- MARISHA: Or a clever check, for noticing. ISABELLA: A clever check? LAURA: Oh. ISABELLA: Seven. MARISHA: Okay. You peek your head out of the smoke cloud that you made. The two patrolling assistants are now starting to arc back around towards the end of where the cart is. They've got maybe 20 or 30 seconds before they're in view. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: As they're walking through. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: Then you hear each-- ISABELLA: Go, go, go-- MARISHA: You hear the-- ISABELLA: -- go, go, go. Now, now, now, now. TRAVIS: Scrotum? MARISHA: You hear the halfling just go like, MATT: I don't know how bodies work. MARISHA: "Looks like we got a--" ISABELLA: That would do it. MARISHA: "Got a thick ocean fog coming in. "Just, "how are we supposed to find mice in fog?" LAURA: Can I start looking around for mice? MARISHA: Yeah. Make a clever check. LAURA: Ooh, eight! MARISHA: Okay. Make a fierce check to hold on. MATT: Ah, it's a four. MARISHA and HEIDI: (laughs) MARISHA: Nugget, you go bolting into this nearby shrubbery, and you peek your head in. You do find a ground squirrel, but it doesn't seem to be three mice. LAURA: (whispers) Have you seen a mice? MARISHA: "What?" LAURA: Have you seen a mice around? MARISHA: "Fuck no. "Get the fuck out of my home!" LAURA: There's three of them. MARISHA: "Ah!" Goes back underground, into their holes. LAURA: I keep searching the bushes. MARISHA: Okay. Then you, unfortunately, as Nugget is so distracted, and bolted towards the bushes, go flying off the back of Nugget. You now find yourself out of the cloud, as you have tumbled out. I'm going to need you to make a sly check. TRAVIS: Oh boy! MARISHA: With Don't Wake Drudy. MATT: Oh boy. Without the bonus, because I'm out of the fog. MARISHA: Without the bonus. MATT: Oh, that's fine. I'm really good at-- LAURA: Star, here comes the star. MATT: Or a six. (laughs) TRAVIS: Ooh! LAURA: Uh-oh! MARISHA: What's your sly? Do you have-- MATT: One! TRAVIS, LAURA, and MATT: Five. TRAVIS: We're not going to make it. LAURA: There's no way. There's no way. TRAVIS: We're not going to make it. (screaming) (laughter) ISABELLA: Look at that pervert! TRAVIS: Why does it got to creep like that? MATT: I hate it so much. TRAVIS: The sound is so bad! MARISHA: Toby, as you get jettisoned off of the back of Nugget. ISABELLA: We all knew it was going to happen on that one. (laughter) TRAVIS: We jumped harder than we had any right to. (laughter) HEIDI: I knew it. MARISHA: Why write jump scares, when you can just have Don't Wake Daddy? HEIDI: I'm happy it wasn't me that did it. MARISHA: (impacts) You land right next to Drudy. LAURA: Oh no. (gasps) MARISHA: As he's sleeping on his side, and he goes, "Ah!" and reaches out towards you trying to grab you. TRAVIS: Oh shit! MATT: I jam the glass bottle that's broken into his eye. (yelling) MARISHA: Make a fierce roll! HEIDI: I'm so glad I gave it to him. MATT: That is a six. TRAVIS: We're going hard. MARISHA: You miss his eye-- MATT: (exertion) MARISHA: -- but you do clip just his cheek. HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: Just a little bit. HEIDI: Don't mess with us. MATT: First blood! MARISHA: "Over here!" LAURA: I run over and try to jump on to Drudy to protect Toby! MARISHA: Make a quick check. TRAVIS: (laughs) Every single time... LAURA: Nine! MARISHA: Okay, you come flying in. You scoop them up underneath of you. Unfortunately, though, your all's presence is known. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: And Drudy goes, "Huh, the blink dog?" And tries to grab and go for his own net to get you. LAURA: No, I want to try to knock Drudy over. MARISHA: Make a fierce check, as you have a little bit of a moment as he's turning. LAURA: 10! MARISHA: He, boom, as he trips him. "(groans)" HEIDI: Oh no, oh no, oh no. MATT: Is he face-facing me? Or is he ass-facing? MARISHA: He's now ass-facing you. MATT: I'm going right for the butt with this bottle again. HEIDI: Yes, go off, Toby. MARISHA: Make another fierce check. MATT: Oh, that's a three. I go: Crab battle. I just, what happens? HEIDI: Rips his pants. MARISHA: So once again, you miss entirely, and scuff the bottom of his sandal. TRAVIS: Now, that he's popped up and doing all this stuff, could I look over and see him, and really try and hustle on this cage, with the three birds inside of it? HEIDI: Yeah. MARISHA: Sure. You used your spell, though, right? TRAVIS: I did. I'm still using my crinkled-ass tail, but it's not quite working as well. HEIDI: Can Joanne carry some of the baby cubs? Can Joanne carry a baby cub? MARISHA: Yeah, you can, yeah. HEIDI: Both of them? MARISHA: You can hand them off, yeah. HEIDI: (whistles) Joanne! ISABELLA: Are they bigger than me? MARISHA: Make a clever check. LAURA: That was so impressive! HEIDI: Thank you. ISABELLA: Soft and supple. TRAVIS: It's... three. MARISHA: Nope. Unfortunately, all the commotion has completely startled you. You are now entirely distracted, as one of those assistants, that was coming back around, goes-- TRAVIS: Sorry. Sorry, birds! MARISHA: "You, again!" And is coming at you with a net. I need everybody to take a point of stress for all of the shenanigans that have happened, in this moment. Shit is hitting the fan. What are you doing? There's an assistant going for you with a net. MATT: I took a point for both of those misses earlier, right? MARISHA: Just take one point. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Can I leap for the net and try to get it and pick it up in my mouth, while Drudy is knocked over? MARISHA: Yeah, you're trying to tug of war? Yeah, go make a fierce check. LAURA: Yeah. Four? MARISHA: No, unfortunately, they go, "Ugh, you mangy mutt!" And try and come at you. You have one last chance to dodge this net coming down on top of you. HEIDI: Jesus. LAURA: (sneezes) Can I try? MARISHA: Yes, you can. HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: Okay, you bamf back to the bushes, that you were previously investigating, and are now stuck in a web of bramble. But, you are not caught. Drudy does manage to grab his net and he is coming. He actually doesn't even have a net. He misses that and he goes for a knife, because he wants crab for dinner, and he's coming back at you. MATT: I'm going to use my Butter Fingers ability, my magic ability. As he grabs the knife and turns back, I leap and just go right for the groin. (impacts) TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: Make him drop that knife. MARISHA: "(screams)" He absolutely drops the knife. It goes (impacts) and clambers onto the ground. MATT: I let go and run over and pick up the knife. And now I'm a crab with a knife. TRAVIS: Holy shit. LAURA: I've seen that video. HEIDI: As you should be. MATT: Oh yeah. HEIDI: We just got a lot tougher. MARISHA: You now have a crab with a knife. MATT: (growls) MARISHA: You have two baby cubs. The other androgynous human is coming after you with a net. HEIDI: Oh, that's cute, however, and I use Conjure Slick. And I'ma get out of here. ISABELLA: Conjure slit? HEIDI: Get out of here. MARISHA: Slips, falls. Directly on the tailbone. You just hear "(pained groan)." It's broken. HEIDI: Good, get out, get out of here. ISABELLA: I have a bruised tailbone, right now. LAURA: Oh my god, do you really? ISABELLA: It's literally the worst. LAURA: It's so awful. ISABELLA: Yeah, it sucks. MARISHA: The other halfling, that was trying to go for Nugget, now has no idea where this blink dog just went. But looks up and sees you. I would say by this point, the fog has started to dissipate, and you are now exposed. ISABELLA: Wanna dance? (laughter) MARISHA: They wonder if they do, but they're going to go for you. ISABELLA: Fire. LAURA: You pull your scarf. (oohing) HEIDI: Yes! (laughter) MARISHA: You're just doing a spell? ISABELLA: I'm just doing a spell. MARISHA: "(screams)" It's not like a huge bout of fire, but it's like, if you took a little hairspray-- TRAVIS: Hairspray! (laughs) MARISHA: (boof) Burns the eyebrows. They're totally distracted. Drudy has you hanging from his balls. TRAVIS: (laughs) MATT: I've released them, but I have the knife now. MARISHA: Okay, he's still incapacitated for the moment. MATT: Well yeah, I just stabbed him in the balls. You're going to take a minute. TRAVIS: Let's get out of here. HEIDI: I still have the babies. MARISHA: The other human? HEIDI: Now that Joanne has blown fire at this person, can I hand off them to Joanne or should I try-- MARISHA: Absolutely. HEIDI: -- or should I hide? MARISHA: You all have this brief moment of where they're all in intense searing pain. HEIDI: I hand off the babies to Joanne. ISABELLA: Both?! MARISHA: Joanne's got the baby-- You got both babies? ISABELLA: I don't think I can handle both! I think a tiger cub is probably my size. MARISHA: Absolutely, I would say make a-- TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: Make a-- ISABELLA: No, just one! HEIDI: One? Just one? ISABELLA: Just one! HEIDI: Just one. MARISHA: Make a quick check to see if you can actually still fly with these. LAURA: Oh! ISABELLA: Oh. Four. MARISHA: (impacts) TRAVIS: Oh no! MARISHA: Like moments after you hand them over. HEIDI: Not the babies. ISABELLA: (yelps) MARISHA: "Mom, mom." ISABELLA: Me, now? MARISHA: "You my mom?" ISABELLA: Okay, okay. (laughs) (groans) LAURA: Just fucking (laughs) MARISHA: The two assistants-- ISABELLA: (exertion) MARISHA: -- one starts to stand up, and tries to stumble and grab his net. LAURA: Can I get out the bramble? Can I try to get out of the brambles? HEIDI: Is this the one I tripped earlier? MARISHA: Yes. HEIDI: I take the bucket and swing. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. MATT: Yes! HEIDI: I'm fighting back, baby. MATT: Hit this bitch. HEIDI: A seven, wait, eight. MARISHA: Absolutely. HEIDI: Yeah! MARISHA: He's doing that moment where he's just like, going on all fours. As he plants firmly his right hand, it gets knocked right out from under him, and he is back on his ass. ISABELLA and HEIDI: Yep. HEIDI: Mm-hmm, yep, come on. Let's go. MARISHA: Nugget, you're trying to bamf again? LAURA: I'm just, yeah, sure. I just want to get out of this bush. HEIDI: Thank you. ISABELLA: (screams) MARISHA: Nugget. LAURA: Yeah? MARISHA: Not only do you get out of the bush, boof boof, you are now into the entrance of this trailhead going into the jungle. HEIDI: Oh, yes. LAURA: I made it! (laughter) MARISHA: I need everybody else to make a quick check-- ISABELLA: Help me! MARISHA: -- as Drudy and the assistants are starting to rally. HEIDI: Nine. MARISHA: Golden. ISABELLA: Oh, 10! MARISHA: Golden! ISABELLA: 12, actually. TRAVIS: 10! MATT: Six. MARISHA: Good enough, with everybody else. Once again, CLAPP grabs you, scoops you up. HEIDI: Give me your hand. MATT: (yells) MARISHA: She's got you. HEIDI: We got to go. MARISHA: You all-- TRAVIS: I look at the three birds and I'm like, I'm sorry. I'll be back for you. ISABELLA: (screams) (laughter) MARISHA: "Wait, no. No! "No!" (screams) TRAVIS: I'm sorry! ISABELLA: Caked in their own shit. LAURA: Oh no, poor birds. MARISHA: You all bolt into the entrance of this forest. Finally making it to the safety of the jungle canopy. HEIDI: Oh god. MARISHA: The loud ruckus of the town fading even more, as you start to hear tropical birds, and insects, and frogs filling the air. The rays of the setting sun-- Sorry, go ahead. HEIDI: Oh, I enjoy it, so I start to caress Joanne, and the baby cubs. MARISHA: Oh, yes, you now have these beautiful baby cubs. They start-- HEIDI: Also, I'm trying to calm you down because that was a lot, you know, a lot of stress happening. MARISHA: Baby cubs. It's true. The baby cubs start to scooch into you. HEIDI: Aw. MARISHA: As they nuzzle you. HEIDI: I take two of the legs. MARISHA: Aww. "(giggles)" MATT: Aww! MARISHA: They're ticklish. TRAVIS: I didn't know we were going to be picking up extras. HEIDI: Well, it be like that. TRAVIS: Okay. HEIDI: Well, Trish just left. She could have been helpful. TRAVIS: Yeah, she just-- fizzled. HEIDI: He just let her go. TRAVIS: Ow! HEIDI: Mm, bougie. I know I didn't like peacocks. (laughter) MARISHA: The setting sun starts to pierce its last light of the day through the jungle canopy. It starts to light up. Wait, was this right? That was right. Yeah. Starts to light up, and almost change it to like technicolor colors. Pinks and oranges and hues that are bouncing off of the freshly moist leaves, almost reflecting. Giving it this almost psychedelic feel to it. And that is where we're going to take our break. (oohing) TRAVIS: We're in the jungle! Everybody's alive. MARISHA: In the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. TRAVIS: Plus two. HEIDI: With our babies. TRAVIS: Plus the twins. MARISHA: All right, you guys. We'll be back in a moment to see what happens with this Familiar Problem. (cheering) Narrator: We now return to Tal'Dorei Theater and the Bard College of Tragedy. I stabbeth thee! I am stabbed. Any last words? O! O most cruel treachery! But there is poetry in misery; Fate inspires even as it twists the knife and severs the golden threads that brought me to this tragic end. Thus, die I alone. Alas. (groans) Thus. Thus! (angelic music) Inspired! My gaze turns to the heavens, and your sorrowful fate is mine to alter. Shall your pleas be heard beyond the gates divine? (screams) Alas, my Charisma saves are for nought! Too plagued with regret to beg for relief; God abandons his child in life and death. (groans) (police sirens) Ah! I stab you again! Oh! That's two! Out, brief candle. This walking shadow spins its tale of hubris to the ears of arrogance. My fate is tragic, but yours, o foe, is worse. A fatal downfall waits for you so vile and filled with devilry that my dying words cannot encompass it. Tragedy awaits thee who struck me down. Weapon attacks now score critical hits against you on an 18 through 20. Ah! And impending misfortune beckons me. Triumph and time are short. Though I falter, a short rest is all I need. Will thou give it me? Alas, my nimbus of pathos completes. A plague on both of your houses! A horse, my Twitchdom for a horse! Just die already! (groans) The rest is silence. (applause) Narrator: Turn misery into powerful poetry. Enroll in the Bard College Of Tragedy, with Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn. Available now at Critical Role shops. (box rumbling) ♪ Upon a sea that's tossed and gray ♪ ♪ We fight to keep the dreams at bay ♪ ♪ For in our sleep we hope for peace ♪ ♪ Lest the nightmares have their way ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ Chilling thoughts and watchful eyes ♪ ♪ Await for those who seek the prize ♪ ♪ But all is not as it was thought ♪ ♪ For the serpent always lies ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ And if the creature is released ♪ ♪ Our peaceful days will surely cease ♪ ♪ The winds will wail as waves assail ♪ ♪ To herald what lurks beneath ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ A haunted fog comes rolling through ♪ ♪ The sea begins to toss and strew ♪ ♪ With cutlass and cannon we make a stand ♪ ♪ Though little might it do ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ As the serpent rises tall ♪ ♪ His many eyes now seeing all ♪ ♪ The ship won't keep above the deep ♪ ♪ If our steadfast sailors fall ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ A flick of tongue and sharpened teeth ♪ ♪ Are the only gifts that he'll bequeath ♪ ♪ And those who fought to stay aloft ♪ ♪ Will be swallowed and drowned beneath ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ So heed the words from sailors old ♪ ♪ Beware the dreams with eyes of gold ♪ ♪ Though he'll speak of quests and powers blessed ♪ ♪ Ignore the lies you're told ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ ♪ Uk'otoa, Uk'otoa ♪ ♪ Keep him locked away ♪ (waves rushing) (water splashing) (water flowing) MARISHA: Welcome back. (laughter) Just had some positive affirmations come towards me. HEIDI: Yes, absolutely. MARISHA: I'm feeling fantastic. I'm feeling rejuvenated. Let's jump right back in. You all have made it to the safety of the jungle. HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: A little bit of mist is starting to fill the air as the temperature continues to cool off. As you look up, you pretty much only see green light coming through, with what light is left of the day. What do you all do? HEIDI: We should set up a camp. TRAVIS: Dance party. MARISHA: You want to camp? MATT: Camp dance party. MARISHA: Camp dance party. I can't stop it. ISABELLA: I got to lie down. I just dragged two tigers across a road. HEIDI: And we thank you. We thank you. ISABELLA: Thank you for the-- HEIDI: I'd like a little relaxation, maybe to decompress-- MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: You're really strong. HEIDI: -- some stress would be lovely. LAURA: Oh yeah. HEIDI: Put the knife down. MATT: Why? HEIDI: You're starting to-- Can I have the knife? Can I have the knife? TRAVIS: Do you know how to use one of those? HEIDI: Him or me? TRAVIS: I mean, you know. HEIDI: I grab the knife with three tentacles wrapped around it, but he's still holding onto it. MARISHA: That's kind of hot. Sounds like a tattoo. HEIDI: I'm just holding Toby. TOBY: (grunts) HEIDI: What was the question? TRAVIS: You clearly are capable for the-- HEIDI: What was the question? TRAVIS: I forget. (laughter) HEIDI: I put Toby down, but keep the knife. TRAVIS: Okay. (laughter) MARISHA: Octopus has everything. HEIDI: Just in case things get too crazy. TRAVIS: I mean, maybe we should give him that. I mean, those claws don't look like they pinch that hard, do they? MATT: I'm used to using what the Wildmother gave me! (pinches) TRAVIS: (shrieks) (laughs) MARISHA: Take a point of stress. TRAVIS: Oh, shit! ISABELLA: Everybody has got to take it down a notch! HEIDI: I put the knife in the bucket. MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: You know where it's at if you need it. MATT: Okay, thank you. Thank you, mistress. HEIDI: But if you get too stressed out, I'm going to watch you. (laughs) Holds the bucket close. LAURA: I'm sniffing in the bushes for some mice. HEIDI: (laughs) Oh, the mice are still around. MARISHA: That's right. Make another clever check. TRAVIS: The blind, magical mice. MARISHA: That's what I made you roll before, right? LAURA: Nine. HEIDI: Ooh. ISABELLA: What? MARISHA: That's a great roll. HEIDI: Do I notice the dog is looking for something? MARISHA: You may, yeah. You can-- HEIDI: What's going on? I'm intrigued. I take three tentacles. I'm like, hm. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: My nonexistent chin. MARISHA: As you look pensively over, as the tentacles slap your face, Nugget, you do start to pick up on the trail of three magical blind mice. It does seem like they bolted towards the woods. ISABELLA: She can smell that they're blind? MARISHA: She can smell. LAURA: They smell blind. HEIDI: Talent. Talented dog. LAURA: Magic. MARISHA: She gets this amazing vision. It's like a hologram. It's like Tupac standing in front of her, but in her brain. ISABELLA: I was there. MARISHA: Were you really there? ISABELLA: I was there. HEIDI: You were there? MARISHA: We got to talk later, I want to know. ISABELLA: I was there. TRAVIS: Was that Coachella? ISABELLA: Yes, Coachella. MARISHA: Yes, Coachella! TRAVIS: Coachella. That's what they call it. It's got cellos. MARISHA: Coachella. HEIDI: Coachella. TRAVIS: Cello. ISABELLA: Coach-ello. MARISHA: Nugget, you continue, and you can smell what appears to be a little hint of arcane with that unmistakable smell of rodent, a little bit of pee, a little bit of that weird eucalyptus smell, as it trails you through the forest. Do you keep going? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Oh, jesus. MARISHA: (sniffs) Keep going closer. You start to hear the unmistakable sound of water, a waterfall starting to rush through. ISABELLA: The sound of blindness. HEIDI: Oh, jeez. MARISHA: (laughs) HEIDI: Is Nugget still within eyesight? MARISHA: You watch as Nugget continues and is just starting to push through the thick undergrowth of the jungle, and is starting to get out of view. HEIDI: Okay, I slowly move slightly that way. A stutter step, almost. MARISHA: Mm! (hums) HEIDI: Just so I can stay just in view. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: Because I want to see what's happening. I remove one of the legs from my face, but the other two are still going. MARISHA: Okay, so as you continue to, hm, you take that third leg and you part the foliage a bit so you get a little bit of a better view. HEIDI: What's going on over here? MARISHA: As you part-- HEIDI: Nugget? MARISHA: You can also roll a clever check for me. HEIDI: Ooh, and I got a plus three on that, honey. Hopefully-- Watch me get a three. MATT: Called it if it happens, now. HEIDI: Did you already take all your stress down, or are you good? HEIDI: No, I haven't. My stress has not been taken down. No one cares about CLAPP. Oh, a 10. MATT: Ooh MARISHA: Oh! So you continue to see the-- You can see the drooling, the trail of drool. HEIDI: Oh, jesus. MARISHA: There's a little unkept booty fur that's got a few dingleberries coming off the back of it. HEIDI: I'll wipe you later, Jesus Christ. MARISHA: Your eye trains up, and you also start to pick up on the sound of the waterfall. You actually see in the distance a little bit of a stream as well as what almost appears to be a tiny hovel. HEIDI: What is that hovel there? LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: It's a-- HEIDI: What is that? I don't want to-- Toby! MATT: Yeah? HEIDI: What's that hovel over there? What do you think that is? What is that? MATT: It takes me about two minutes to get to you, because I'm a crab. That looks like a hovel. HEIDI: What's usually in hovels? MATT: People. HEIDI: You think people fit in the hovels? MATT: Do you think they need somebody to be their familiar? HEIDI: Probably, you might want to go check it out. MATT: I'm going to go over to that house and see-- HEIDI: Well, first, let me rub your shell. MATT: Ah, ah. HEIDI: You okay? It's right under that one, there's this little part in between the shell where there's a little bit of exposure. I'm getting right there. MARISHA: I will say, I'll allow in this moment of calmness and with the loving touch of CLAPP and-- HEIDI: It just keeps giving. MARISHA: It really is. And the soft feel of the jungle around you, you can all remove one point of stress. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. MARISHA: This is the last thing I give you! HEIDI: Our protagonist here is helping. The carry. The carry, just wanted to point that out. MARISHA: Comfort carry. Then the three of you-- MATT: You're a kind mistress. HEIDI: (laughs) MARISHA: You continue, and you also, Nugget, as you're sniffing, hot on the trail-- LAURA: I'm gnawing on my leg right now, but I'm definitely hot on the trail. HEIDI: Damn it, Nugget. MARISHA: As you look over, you also see what appears to be-- it looks like a hollowed out tree trunk that has snapped at the bottom third of the tree, and the rot and the growth and the entropy of the forest is slowly starting to reclaim this log. It's hollowed out, but something's living in it now, and you can see almost silken banners that look like they're streamed off the front of it, as well as little hanging bones and drying herbs in the front of this hollowed out log. HEIDI: Only Nugget sees this? MARISHA: The three of you-- HEIDI: Okay. MARISHA: -- can now see it. You two are considerably further. You are closer. MATT: I'm walking towards it. HEIDI: Can I grab Toby and throw him? MARISHA: Sure. HEIDI: I give Toby the knife and throw Toby towards the wall. MARISHA: Oh, you give them the knife. MATT: Oh, thanks. Ah! (laughter) HEIDI: I keep my distance. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. HEIDI: But I also walk slowly as well. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: Because I want to get up close, but I don't want-- MARISHA: Sure. HEIDI: -- to be the first to get there. MATT: It's a saunter chuckle. HEIDI: Very much so. Ooh, 11. MARISHA: Mm. HEIDI: Switching to this die was lovely. MATT: Yeah, no joke. MARISHA: Toby, you just cartwheel. MATT: (screaming in rhythm) HEIDI: I'm like, yes! Twirl, sis, work, sis, get it, get it! MARISHA: He death drops. Ugh. HEIDI: Stuck the last dagger. MARISHA: Right next to Nugget. HEIDI: Stuck the last dagger. I just, all seven except for the one holding the bucket. Ah! MARISHA: Nugget, as you're chewing on your ass, on your hind leg, and then right in the mud, crab. ISABELLA: Get it, get it, get it! LAURA: Hi, Toby. HEIDI: (laughs) MATT: I have a knife. LAURA: There's bones. MARISHA: The two of you watch half of your party wander off into the forest. HEIDI: I'm sauntering over slowly. MARISHA: As the last thing that you see clearing the foliage is CLAPP, as a single tentacle pulls away and the leaves go (shifts) hiding them. ISABELLA: Sometimes, you got to let them wander off. HEIDI: Not your angel. I should've known. ISABELLA: You know what I'm saying? HEIDI: I should've known! TRAVIS: Are you saying that you got to give them a longer leash? (laughing) TRAVIS: Aren't you worried that-- What's that? ISABELLA: Cigar? TRAVIS: Oh, may I take it? I've never-- HEIDI: Oh, I'm not there. MATT: You're too busy throwing me. TRAVIS: I just-- MARISHA: Shotput over here. HEIDI: (whoosh) TRAVIS: (coughs) HEIDI: I hear that. What's happening back there? MARISHA: Make a fierce check because that's funny. (laughter) TRAVIS: Four. MARISHA: That was not great. You're a little dazed. Things go a little fuzzy. You feel nauseous. TRAVIS: That was great. I feel... I feel awesome. LAURA: The worst feeling ever. HEIDI: Tea. ISABELLA: I'm trying to see if you can go to sleep. If it's possible. TRAVIS: You want me to sleep? ISABELLA: I don't need it to happen. I'm just wondering if you can. TRAVIS: Oh, I'm capable of... I'm capable of... Oh my god. When was the last time I slept? ISABELLA: When was the last time you slept? TRAVIS: I don't know. That answers so much. MARISHA: That's true. You definitely-- ISABELLA: You're not well. TRAVIS: No, I'm... I'm not! ISABELLA: Okay, I didn't mean for this to become that. TRAVIS: Okay. The dam's about-- HEIDI: They also have the tiger cubs with them, as well. MARISHA: They do. The tiger cubs have curled up. They're a little exhausted. They were nicely soothed by CLAPP, and they're curled up in a little tiger ball, and they're passed out for the moment. ISABELLA: You know, maybe I'll try and find a dead mouse or something for the babies. TRAVIS: We're going to go hunting? ISABELLA: Well, I'm not much of a hunter. I'm more of just, if it's around. TRAVIS: Oh, oh, we're going to look for carrion? ISABELLA: I could pick it up. TRAVIS: Scavenge? ISABELLA: You know. TRAVIS: We could set a trap. ISABELLA: If it's within five yards. TRAVIS: Oh. (laughter) ISABELLA: Probably not going to go further than that. TRAVIS: Yeah. ISABELLA: If you want to, you can. TRAVIS: No, no, yeah, this is good. We should, you know, exercise our paternal instincts. Try and find something to feed the baby predator cats. ISABELLA: Yeah. HEIDI: I'm camouflaging with the jungle, by the way. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: Just so we all know. MARISHA: You shift to nice green, leafy textures. HEIDI: Forest green. MARISHA: Great, beautiful. HEIDI: Yes. TRAVIS: What do you think? Are we going to keep them or are we going to let them go? ISABELLA: Should we kill them? TRAVIS: Should we kill the baby tigers? ISABELLA: Is this a terrible idea to have them around? TRAVIS: Well, I'm just wondering, where-- If we, mm... I'm just thinking, I don't know if they're safer with us or without us. ISABELLA: I don't know. TRAVIS: I don't either! HEIDI: I feel a cold shiver down my nonexistent spine. MARISHA: Your maternal instincts. HEIDI: I'm like: Ah! What's going on? I turn back around and make my way back to camp. LAURA: I'm climbing up the tree trunk to get the bone chimes down, so you start hearing scrambling from the other direction. HEIDI: I can't be in two places at once. MARISHA: Yeah, you have so much responsibility. HEIDI: Why do I have to do this? TRAVIS: Why don't we let one go and keep the other? We got two. ISABELLA: Should we ask them? TRAVIS: No, because think of the story. They'll find each other again in 10 years, long lost siblings. It'll be fucking great. ISABELLA: This is so much pressure now. HEIDI: I make my way back to camp. MARISHA: You just, parting palm leaves, once again, just to peek through. TRAVIS: Two siblings separated by a jungle and an ocean of time. HEIDI: I now start hearing this, right? ISABELLA: This one makes me feel worse. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: About this time, you all hear, echoing throughout the jungle... "Ha! "Wayward travelers, I see." ISABELLA: Oh good, the jungle's talking. HEIDI: The hell was that? MARISHA: Nugget, you hear it the loudest. HEIDI: Oh, the dog ears. MARISHA: You were right there. Right as you rip down what looks to be a chicken wing. TRAVIS and LAURA: ♪ Chicken wing, chicken wing ♪ MARISHA: "Come, come now, don't be shy." MATT: Okay. ISABELLA: Can we hear this? TRAVIS: No, no! MARISHA: You can hear this as well. It almost-- you're not entirely sure if it's surrounding you or in your head. Maybe a little bit of both. Maybe it's just the way the sound is bouncing off of the canopy. It's hard to tell. LAURA: I hold my tail down for Toby so he can climb up on top of me, so he can look into the window. MATT: Knife in the other claw, and vault myself up onto your back. MARISHA: You look in, into this tiny little hollowed out tree trunk. ISABELLA: Thank god! MARISHA: It's got circular holes carved into the side with makeshift windows, not glass in there. Inside, you can see rainbow-colored, phosphorescent mushrooms growing from the decaying exterior, and in the center is a rotund, ancient-looking bullfrog, whose droopy physique nearly fills the bowl-like interior of this hollowed out tree trunk. MATT: Whoa. MARISHA: Behind it, a haphazard thatch awning is loosely arranged overtop of it, making a makeshift roof. Yeah. LAURA: Are you-- Is this your house? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: "(laughs) "It's been quite some time "that I've had any youngsters visit me. (laughs) "Please, why don't you gather the others? "I could use a little company. (laughs)" HEIDI: I don't like this. Can we-- We can't hear that part, can we? MARISHA: You can all hear this. TRAVIS: So now it's not a hypothetical. MARISHA: Oh jesus, I'm in the woods. TRAVIS: Either we let the tiger cubs stay here, or we bring them towards-- ISABELLA: To eat whatever that is. HEIDI: I part the leaves. Oh, so y'all thought y'all was going to leave the babies? Oh, so y'all thought y'all was going to just leave the babies? TRAVIS: Who would leave babies in a jungle? What are you, crazy? ISABELLA: Who would leave babies? TRAVIS: We would never do that. HEIDI: What're y'all doing? What was y'all talking about? TRAVIS: Looking out for their best interests and wellbeing. HEIDI: How so? TRAVIS: You know, we're giving them names. HEIDI: What are they? TRAVIS: Jimbo. ISABELLA: Sunburn. HEIDI: Lies! Say them at the same time. On the count of three, one, two, three. TRAVIS and ISABELLA: (garbled gibberish) HEIDI: Uh-huh. Al Sharpton? (laughter) HEIDI: I let the leaves come out. (whooshes) MATT: (laughs) HEIDI: How dare, what? Take-- let's try it again. What's their name on three? One, two, three. ISABELLA: Jesus Christ. HEIDI: Maybe, maybe! (laughter) HEIDI: Possibly. I wasn't done naming them yet. One, two, three. ISABELLA: Procannon. TRAVIS: Patrick Stewart. HEIDI: Oh, give my babies. (laughter) HEIDI: Give my babies. Oh, you have the knife now. MARISHA: Are you scooping up the tigers and bringing them with you? ISABELLA: Bringing-- What, w-w-what? (laughter) HEIDI: I'll just sit here. But I'm like-- My legs are under me. ISABELLA: What was the voice? HEIDI: They're spread out like this. ISABELLA: What was the voice? HEIDI: So I'm half standing. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you're a warlord over here. MARISHA: Hip out, yeah. Yes, yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. ISABELLA: The voice! HEIDI: Get my babies. ISABELLA: I'll get them. HEIDI: Get them. MARISHA: "I am waiting." HEIDI: We're coming, Miss Girl. ISABELLA: Well, let's not! HEIDI: She rushing us. LAURA: Hey guys, there's a toad friend over here that wants to say hi! ISABELLA: I don't want to see it. LAURA: It's a toad. I think it's a toad. HEIDI: Let's get this cub and come on. LAURA: Are you a toad? MARISHA: "(snickering) "Aye, I am. "Some call me a bullfrog, but "people around these parts "call me Froga Yaga." LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Oh my god. LAURA: No. ISABELLA: Chicken legs? LAURA: No! MARISHA: "It's a bit silly if you ask me, but "who am I to rob the denizens of their froggy tales? "(cackling)" LAURA: It's Froga Yaga. MARISHA: You're not close enough to see yet. ISABELLA: (laughs) MARISHA: But if you want to take a look. ISABELLA: No. (laughter) TRAVIS: I'll go up, I want to take a look. LAURA: They seem really nice! TRAVIS: Yep. HEIDI: I guess we start making our way, and then-- LAURA: And they have chicken! MARISHA: ♪ Makin' our way ♪ HEIDI: Joanne and-- (laughs) MARISHA: Joanne? HEIDI: They're holding the babies. MARISHA: All right, Sprinkle said he's coming. TRAVIS: I'm a-coming! MARISHA: Joanne. ISABELLA: I hate this. MARISHA: Are you taking the babies? ISABELLA: I'll go. MARISHA: All right. ISABELLA: Okay, listen, tiger. HEIDI: You can breathe, you'll be fine. ISABELLA: Tiger, listen. Listen to me, baby. MARISHA: (snoring) ISABELLA: Wake up, wake up. MARISHA: "Mom." ISABELLA: (sighs) Okay. I'm your mom? MARISHA: "Mom!" ISABELLA: When y-- okay. HEIDI: Only word they know. MARISHA: (snoring) ISABELLA: Wait, wake up. MARISHA: "Huh?" ISABELLA: We're going to see if-- We're going to-- listen. MARISHA: "Food." ISABELLA: Yeah. Keep that in mind. It-- okay. MARISHA: (snoring) HEIDI: We should've fed them. LAURA: (laughs) ISABELLA: No. HEIDI: I'm saying that. Actually, no, leave them hungry in case they need to eat a frog. (laughter) ISABELLA: The babies are eating frog legs tonight. HEIDI: Oh, oh shit. TRAVIS: Oh shit, we're going like this? HEIDI: Cannibalism. MARISHA: Joanne, you-- HEIDI: Animals eating animals, that's cannibal, is that cannibalism? ISABELLA: No. TRAVIS: I don't think so. That's not right. (laughter) TRAVIS: I don't think so. HEIDI: No, that's not how that works! MATT: There's a lot of predators in the animal kingdom that would like to have a conversation with you. HEIDI: (laughs) Cannibalism. I thought-- MATT: To be fair, a lot of them do actually-- MARISHA: Dino DNA! ISABELLA: When anything eats anything else, that's cannibalism. TRAVIS: Dino DNA! HEIDI: I'm sure there's other animals that eat a baby, don't know, I'm not a expert on the animal kingdom. I'm just an octopus. MARISHA: Oh, I-- HEIDI: Hey. MATT: That's true. HEIDI: All seven legs, hey. ISABELLA: Hey. MATT: Cephalopod over there. HEIDI: I'm just a octopus. MARISHA: Hands up. HEIDI: I don't know how everyone operates. MARISHA: Joanne, you are the caboose of this train, as you all begin to circle around Froga Yaga's hut. As you all get closer, you can see dried and bound grasshoppers hanging from strips of bark, almost resembling strings of garlic. Nugget instantly consumes pretty much all of them instantly. TRAVIS: Oh no. HEIDI: Couldn't even save none for the babies. MARISHA: Behind the frog-- (laughter) MATT: Mama bird it over there. HEIDI: No, no, no. I put it back in your mouth. (laughter) MARISHA: Behind this bulbous frog with discoloration across her face, and the little froggy warts, you see a delicate woven spiderweb that has fireflies-- LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: -- seemingly deliberately and evenly placed, creating this beautiful mesh of flickering light that is framing behind her. LAURA: They're alive? MARISHA: Do you want to take a look? LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: You focus in, wondering if they are alive, and you notice that the fireflies all have their mouths bound by spider silk, and look terrified! You also notice, and as Joanne starts to get a little bit closer, specifically looking for the legs, that Froga Yaga appears to be missing one leg. It's a little hard to tell, but as she rotates around in her hut, you can see she appears to have one that's been replaced with what looks like a chicken leg bone. HEIDI: Oh! ISABELLA: Froga Yaga. HEIDI: Oh, she was hungry. (laughter) ISABELLA: How big is this lady? HEIDI: This Froga Yoga-- Yaga. TRAVIS: Froga Yoga. MARISHA: It's not-- you see the cute little tree frogs? HEIDI: Yeah, those. MARISHA: This is, like-- this is a frog. HEIDI: A toad. MARISHA: This is a toad. This is one of those big-ass bullfrogs. MATT: (low croak) MARISHA: It's not massive, but I guess-- HEIDI: It's probably about the size of this mug, though. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah-- ISABELLA: Tiger baby. MARISHA: Compared to Sprinkle, she's probably sporting half, or maybe his body weight. ISABELLA: Okay, tiger baby. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. HEIDI: Oh, we can take him. We can take Froga Yoga. Hopefully, I don't know, how do you-- MARISHA: Is this an out loud thought? HEIDI: No, this is an inside thought. MARISHA: Okay. HEIDI: I was-- TRAVIS: Shut up, why are you talking out loud again? (laughter) HEIDI: Good morning. (laughter) MARISHA: "Come, "come now. "(snickers) "Would you like to entertain old Froga Yaga, "and let me give you your fortune?" HEIDI: I'm not in the entertainment business, I'm sorry. TRAVIS: Oh! Fortune! LAURA: Hey, guys, I don't think she's a nice lady at all. ISABELLA: No, no. HEIDI: Should we just leave? LAURA: Because there's a lot of little bugs inside there that look really sad. ISABELLA: We should go. MATT: Tell me my fortune. HEIDI: Toby! MARISHA: "Hey, you see, don't be sad, child." HEIDI: I'm not going up in there. MARISHA: "(snickers) "These fireflies, "they know the penance they pay." HEIDI: Oh, so they owe you. LAURA: What is a Penzance? MARISHA: "Maybe you'll find out." HEIDI: What they owe you? What they owe you, what you do? What kind of services? I want to know, I need resumes. MARISHA: "You can can say I am a guardian of the jungle. "(snickers) And-- HEIDI: Oh. ISABELLA: Hide the baby. MATT: It's a serious issue with privatized spiderweb incarceration. HEIDI: That's fair. MARISHA: "Yeah." MATT: It's a sociological issue on a large scale. ISABELLA: Tiger baby. HEIDI: Fully against that. ISABELLA: Tiger baby, wake up. MARISHA: "I see you picked up food along the way." HEIDI: Excuse me? ISABELLA: Goodbye! HEIDI: Food, food? I stand up on all seven legs, excuse me, food? MARISHA: "Ah, do not take offense." HEIDI: Oh, none taken, honey. Those are my babies, though, hold up. MARISHA: "'Tis the natural balance. "You look to be a survivor, "as you are quite far from home, aren't you?" HEIDI: Oh, home is wherever I lay my tentacles. MARISHA: "Hmm, you will go far." HEIDI: I don't want no fortune. I don't know what you going to talk! I don't want no fortune, so don't try to suck me in. But Toby says he wanted one. TOBY: Yeah, can I have a fortune? ISABELLA: No. MARISHA: "You." TRAVIS: Ah! LAURA: Uh-oh. ISABELLA: And now you're being rude, all right? He clearly said he wanted his fortune, and you're ignoring him! (laughter) MATT: Everyone always ignores me! MARISHA: "Froga Yaga has enough time "and attention for everyone." ISABELLA: Come on, baby. TRAVIS: But the babies? ISABELLA: Wake up! HEIDI: Stop trying to turn my baby into a cannibal. TRAVIS: I feel like-- ISABELLA: A snack! TRAVIS: Me and Toby, our fortunes. MARISHA: "There's something special about you." TRAVIS: Oh. HEIDI: Girl! She's fully lost it. MARISHA: "I see a light behind your eyes." TRAVIS: I've heard that before. MARISHA: "A destiny this one has." LAURA: Are you stuck in there? HEIDI: In the destiny? MARISHA: "Me?" LAURA: No, in the trunk. HEIDI: Oh. (laughter) MARISHA: "While I have most certainly grown "to the comfort of my environment." HEIDI: When she says environment-- MARISHA: "No." HEIDI: Can I start looking around and searching for things? MARISHA: Yeah, are you trying to do this noticeably, or--? ISABELLA: Slick. MARISHA: Yeah, are you trying to be subtle about it? HEIDI: Of course, I'm trying to be slick. I'm, what's going on here? MARISHA: Make a sly check. HEIDI: Okay, well then, I should've said clever then. I should've-- LAURA: (laughs) HEIDI: Four. Not very sly. MARISHA: She's got a lot of clutter around here, she's definitely been here for a hot minute. So, it's hard to even tell what the fuck is going on. HEIDI: She's a hoarder, y'all. MARISHA: She's a bit of a hoarder. HEIDI: Buried alive! Don't let me knock it over. MARISHA: "Now." LAURA: (gasps) She got out cards! MARISHA: "Who wants old Froga Yaga--" HEIDI: How'd your leg get like this? MARISHA: "(sighs) "I see you noticed." HEIDI: You know, I was talking about the other one. You the one talking about that one, I was talking about the regular one. MARISHA: "I'll make you a deal." (laughter) HEIDI: I didn't say that. (laughter) ISABELLA: Wake up! (laughter) ISABELLA: Wake up! HEIDI: What's your deal you're proposing? TRAVIS: Baby! ISABELLA: Wake up! MARISHA: "(snoring)" ISABELLA: Smell the chicken! MARISHA: "Froga Yaga tells you your fortune, "and then Froga Yaga tells you how I lost this leg." "and then Froga Yaga tells you how I lost this leg." ISABELLA: No-- TRAVIS: That sounds like a fair trade. ISABELLA: Never make a deal with someone in a hut! TRAVIS: I'm pretty sure that's-- ISABELLA: Never make a deal with someone in a hut! They're going to take your eyes! TRAVIS: Look at the size of that deck, are you shitting me? LAURA: I mean, compared to the frog's size, that's a normal-sized deck. TRAVIS: Oh, oh, oh, I see. HEIDI: (laughs) MARISHA: "You, eager one, cut the deck. "You, reckless one. "Cut the deck." HEIDI: I didn't agree to this. ISABELLA: It shreds. They're shredded. (laughs) TRAVIS: Good cut for a crab. MARISHA: "Yeah." HEIDI: The cards are ruined. MARISHA: "Jeez, I should've--" MATT: I don't have very good dexterity, okay? MARISHA: "Fair." HEIDI: Don't I know it. MATT: Sorry, Mistress. (laughter) MARISHA: "Now, I should tell you, "with so many strong beings and energies." HEIDI: Strong? MARISHA: "The cards may tell the fortune for all of you." HEIDI: Ooh. MARISHA: "It seems you have already formed "quite the bond." TRAVIS: That's a ridiculous-- HEIDI: Oh, no, I just met them, I don't know. LAURA: I love you. (laughter) LAURA: I love you guys. MARISHA: "(sighs)" HEIDI: I just met them this morning, actually, I don't know. MARISHA: "You cannot deny--" MATT: I've been with you for years! MARISHA: "-- destiny. "Let us look into "your past." HEIDI: Yo Gabba Gabba, I didn't ask for this. LAURA: What's that? HEIDI: Who is she? MARISHA: "The Pervy Deer." ISABELLA: The Pervy Deer? What the fuck did you just? HEIDI: Sprinkle! ISABELLA: That's not what it says. (laughter) TRAVIS: She can't read. HEIDI: The Lover. ISABELLA: She can't-- doesn't know how to do the cards. TRAVIS: Yeah, The Pervy Deer. MARISHA: "This is not necessarily a bad card, "despite how fucking pervy that deer is." HEIDI: That deer. LAURA: I could see that the-- ISABELLA: Oh, there's the deer. HEIDI: Because the deer's looking at her. We're familiars, y'all! TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: Uh-huh. HEIDI: Pervy deer, okay. ISABELLA: Can Joanne back out of the hut with the babies? LAURA: Are we in the hut, or are we all around the hut, looking in? HEIDI: I'll grab onto Joanne, and go with Joanne slowly. MARISHA: You come up to the hut, and it's this concave tree trunk and it's this concave tree trunk that's got the front of it open. So she's sitting in this tree trunk, and you guys are in a semicircle on the threshold, but there's also nice little canopies, so you're definitely in her area. MATT: Sprinkle? TRAVIS: Hmm? MATT: What are those people doing? TRAVIS: (laughs) HEIDI: Joanne's backing away, and I join, I slowly walk behind Joanne. LAURA: I saw the red lady that, where I-- I saw her doing that. I saw her doing that, that's-- TRAVIS: Mortal Kombat, that's-- LAURA: Yeah, I think it's some kind of wrestling, or-- HEIDI: Wrestling? TRAVIS: Sometimes they fight so viciously, they yell, and they scream, and then things start shooting all over the place. ISABELLA: They're fucking. HEIDI: Been there! (laughs) HEIDI: Ain't that right, Joanne? (laughter) ISABELLA: Yes. HEIDI: Joanne had me inked one night, honey. MARISHA: "I can see the wise ones of the group "compared to those who are--" HEIDI: I mean, my clever stat's pretty high. MARISHA: "-- still embarking on their journey. "But "if irony may have it, "you sort of told your own fortune. "You are on a new path, a path of discovery." ISABELLA: We're all going to fuck? HEIDI: (laughs) I have enough legs. MARISHA: "That is for you to discover." HEIDI: I have enough legs for everyone. MARISHA: "Present." HEIDI: What is she? ISABELLA: Uh-oh. LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: "Appears you pulled--" TRAVIS: The pervy rabbit. HEIDI: No, yeah, the pervy rabbit. MARISHA: "The Rabbit and The Murder Baby." (laughter) HEIDI: Not The Murder Baby. Moves away from the tiger. ISABELLA: Wake up, and murder, baby. MARISHA: "You see the path you walk is treacherous." HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: "Filled with horrors. "Like that fucking naked child." (laughter) MARISHA: "Who's definitely showing signs "of a future serial killer." HEIDI: Mm-hmm. ISABELLA: Darling, you're being pretty vague, so if you're expecting payment after this, it's not going to happen. MARISHA: "No, "Froga Yaga's payment "is simply your company. "(gasps) But" "your destiny is comprised of the past, "present, and the future." HEIDI: One second, please! (laughter) HEIDI: What happens if you tell us the future, because I have not co-signed to nothing yet, I just want to make sure that that is clear, Miss Girl. You and your chicken leg. MARISHA: "The future has not yet been written. "That--" HEIDI: Don't I know it. MARISHA: "-- is for you to determine." ISABELLA: So, what's the point of this? HEIDI: Well, if I just walk out before you put this card down, I'm fine, yeah. TRAVIS: But CLAPP said she was totally in, no matter what happens. MARISHA: "Let the cards tell you." (gasps and laughs) HEIDI: What's this? MARISHA: "Ah, you pulled--" HEIDI: That's a nice tower. MARISHA: "-- the Unlucky Fucks card." HEIDI: Sounds about right. Sounds about right. ISABELLA: We are going to fuck. HEIDI: (laughs) TRAVIS: Unlucky Fucks. (laughs) MARISHA: "I don't understand." HEIDI: I ink a little bit. MARISHA: "This is a sign--" HEIDI: All right, Toby? MATT: It's okay. MARISHA: "-- of imminent evil. "Sheer terror resides in your future." LAURA: Oh no. HEIDI: Okay. LAURA: Are you done with that chicken leg? MARISHA: "The one that's my leg? "No!" LAURA: Oh, okay. MARISHA: "It's very much in use." HEIDI: But do you need it? You don't seem like a guy that gets around a lot. Yo Gabba Gabba, you just-- MARISHA: "You all "will walk to your doom, "if you are not careful." HEIDI: Oh, I'll be careful. MARISHA: "You. "And you. "I knew there was something off about you." HEIDI: Gay gasp. (gasps) MARISHA: (laughs) LAURA: What is it? MARISHA: "You have "the stench of the Harbinger." LAURA: Rabies. MARISHA: "What, rabies?" (laughter) HEIDI: Sounds about right. ISABELLA: Absolutely. MARISHA: "The Harbinger of Screams "has been in your presence." LAURA: The Harbinger of Screams. The Harbinger of Screams. TRAVIS: Harbinger of Screams. LAURA: What's a harbinger? MARISHA: "In all my years, "the entity, "the only one who can inflict as much pain and destruction, "sundering the lives of thousands "across these lands." HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: "You wanted to know--" ISABELLA: I did not. MARISHA: -- why I have this chicken bone for a leg. LAURA: Did the Harbingers of Screams eat your leg? MARISHA: "Yes." LAURA: (gasps) HEIDI: So you have this chicken leg, so this dog can eat this chicken leg today? MARISHA: "No, not a dog." HEIDI: Is that what I gathered from this? MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: "We thought "we were rid of him." HEIDI: (gasps) MARISHA: "Then giant people came and locked him away "in his own prison, "hauled him in a beast-drawn cart, far from here. "I heard a rumor he broke free, "and this reading confirms it. "The Harbinger of Screams has returned to this wood. "He goes by many names. "AKA The Verminator." LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: "AKA The Talon of Assmoldius." LAURA: (gasps) HEIDI: Yes, that's hot. MARISHA: "AKA "The Bird of Prey to the Wildmother He Doesn't Find You." LAURA: (gasps) HEIDI: I sure hope he doesn't. MARISHA: "And recently--" HEIDI: Yeah, yeah. MARISHA: "-- a new name. "Professor Thaddeus." TRAVIS: (laughs) LAURA: (gasps) MATT: If a crab could pucker. HEIDI: My ink hole puckered for you. LAURA: We know him! We know Professor Thaddeus. Oh, that's what you mean, we've seen him. MARISHA: "Yes." HEIDI: Oh, y'all know this person? What's wrong? Who is this person? LAURA: He's an owl that talks a lot. HEIDI: An owl? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: And a professor, that sounds like they get a lot of tutelage. HEIDI: And smart. LAURA: He thinks he's way smarter than he is, though. ISABELLA: Or a lot of hoot-elage. HEIDI: (hoots) MATT: I don't get it. (laughter) HEIDI: I ink a little bit when I giggle. LAURA: Wait. Did Professor Thaddeus-- ISABELLA: The frog likes it! HEIDI: No, no. Not yours. LAURA: Professor Thaddeus ate your leg? MARISHA: "Yes. "I had a run in with him many a year ago, "trying to protect this forest. "Many lives were lost that day. "I was lucky to get away." LAURA: But I'm confused, I thought you were a bad guy. MATT: Now I get it. MARISHA: "(sighs)" ISABELLA: (laughs) MARISHA: "Perceptions aren't always what they seem, my dear. "Perhaps not make judgements on first impressions." HEIDI: Why did you look at me when you said that? I've been nothing but nice to you, little Miss-- ISABELLA: I have been quite judgmental. HEIDI: I've been nothing but nice to you. ISABELLA: I will apologize if you prove me wrong. (laughter) MARISHA: "I'll still eat one of those cubs, "if you want to get rid of one." ISABELLA: You know, we were sort of talking about it. TRAVIS: Amazing that she read our minds like that. ISABELLA: But if she eats one-- MARISHA: "It's baby blood." ISABELLA: They can't reunite-- MARISHA: "It's valuable." ISABELLA: -- like you said. TRAVIS: Oh, it ruins the story line? ISABELLA: It ruins the story line. TRAVIS: Sorry, the rights have been sold. HEIDI: Also, they're my babies. ISABELLA: The I.P. is no longer available. TRAVIS: Spoken for, sorry. HEIDI: They also my babies. Y'all just over here having a conversation about my babies? ISABELLA: They called me Mama. HEIDI: Oh, oh, Joanne, we're not doing this. TRAVIS: They retained representation. HEIDI: Don't make me put this bucket down. Don't make me put this bucket down. It will not be pretty. MARISHA: "If you were wise--" HEIDI: Would you like some water? MARISHA: "Yes. I'm sure--" ISABELLA: Don't drink that! Don't drink that! Don't drink that. MARISHA: Just see her tongue whip out towards it. HEIDI: What you do with that tongue, girl? MARISHA: "I got around in my youth." HEIDI: You ever used it on an ink hole? You sound like, you seem like the type. MARISHA: "You know where I live now." HEIDI: Oh yes, I'll be there. (laughter) HEIDI: Me and Joanne. ISABELLA: Anybody. (laughter) ISABELLA: Just anybody. TRAVIS: Would be fucking anybody. HEIDI: You ain't never had no complaints, sugar. MARISHA: "I've been alone for a long time." ISABELLA: I hear you. HEIDI: Joanne's just not putting down like they used to. MARISHA: "But heed my warning. "Listen to the prophecy. "I rush "for you to get out of this jungle. "Unless he finds you. "Follow this stream. "If you keep following it down, "it will release you to the beach." HEIDI: Oh. TRAVIS: Love the beach. HEIDI: Well, since you've been so kind, I give you some bones. You've been so kind. I see you like bones. I give you these. You've been very kind to us. MARISHA: "Froga Yaga likes bones." LAURA: Those were in my mouth, and also in my throat, and also kind of in my stomach, but they came back out. MARISHA: "Even more potent." HEIDI: Yeah, mm-hmm. MARISHA: "In exchange for your kindness," she hobbles over and cracks off a few of the mushrooms, "Here." HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: "To all of you." HEIDI: Thank you. TRAVIS: Go trip some balls. LAURA: I would totally eat those, immediately. HEIDI: I keep them away from Nugget, though, because Nugget's a little mysterious. That's what we need, is blink dog, tripping balls in the forest. HEIDI: I hand everyone else a mushroom, except for Nugget. I hold onto Nugget's. LAURA: Oh. HEIDI: Well, you don't have hands. MARISHA: A mysterious mushroom. TRAVIS: I mean. To your health. (chomps) HEIDI: No, Sprinkle! LAURA: He's eating it! MARISHA: Roll a fierce check. HEIDI: Oh, Jesus. TRAVIS: I'm fierce! Fuck! Three. Oh, that's equal to the number of stress that I have. ISABELLA: That's okay, right? That's okay, right? MARISHA: Equal's fine. You do take a point of stress from this. TRAVIS: Oh no. MARISHA: As, (heart beat) TRAVIS: It's okay. MARISHA: Your throat starts to swell a little. TRAVIS: (choked) It's okay. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: Your stomach starts to turn. TRAVIS: (gurgles) MARISHA: It feels like when you took a hit of that cigar, but worse. You barf. TRAVIS: (gurgles) MARISHA: And it's rainbows! TRAVIS: Oh shit! ISABELLA: Is it rainbow to all of us? MARISHA: No! (laughter) LAURA: I lick up the barf. ALL: Ugh! ISABELLA: Now she's fucked up. MARISHA: Yeah, make a fierce check. TRAVIS: Taste the rainbow! MARISHA: Taste the rainbow! (laughs) LAURA: Oh no. That's a four. MARISHA: Take a point of stress. HEIDI: Y'all stressing me out. MARISHA: As the, the soft pallette, the roof of your mouth, starts to go numb. You just drool. You start foaming at the mouth a little bit. LAURA: Rabies. MARISHA: You look like rabies. LAURA: I got-- TRAVIS: You look good. You look good. LAURA: You look really good. HEIDI: Listen, let's not put anything else in our mouths for a while. I never thought I'd say that. (laughter) HEIDI: Thank you, Yo Gabba Gabba. MARISHA: Sprinkle. LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: Sprinkle. TRAVIS: Mm, me? MARISHA: Are you about to barf, too? LAURA: No. (laughter) ISABELLA: Some dribbles out as you say that. HEIDI: I move my bucket out the way because I don't want my bucket-- MARISHA: It's not a barf bucket. TRAVIS: Chum bucket. LAURA: I'm okay. ISABELLA: Did you swallow it? TRAVIS: You gutted it? MARISHA: You gutted it? HEIDI: It's always very much that moment when it comes up just enough, and then goes back down. LAURA: Yeah. HEIDI: Been there. MARISHA: Sprinkle, the jungle starts to swirl. HEIDI: Oh, we going on a trip? Well, let me pop one, too. MARISHA: The leaves start to blend together almost like they're being sewn into this kaleidoscope of a tapestry. TRAVIS: Take me home. MARISHA: It's a lot. As you think, "Take me home." ISABELLA: ♪ Country roads ♪ Uh-oh, bye bye. (laughter) MARISHA: Thank you. HEIDI: You're welcome. MARISHA: You black out. Just a switch in your brain-- ISABELLA: Oh, he went to sleep! MARISHA: The rest of you see, as Sprinkle goes to sleep, his eyes gloss over cloudy, and he just goes, and is frozen. ISABELLA: Oh, it's dead. MARISHA: As you hear emanating from his mouth, "Hello? "Adorable mangy critters. "Uh, yes, um... "Look, this weasel is deeply important. "Surprising, I know. "But he really needs to be "reunited with his owner, Jester. "So if you all could please escort him safely to the docks, "that would be phenomenal. "You'll all get a reward." HEIDI: Oh, I love a reward. MARISHA: "Oh, you'll get a biscuit or something. "I don't know. "I don't know how animals work. "All right, move along now, chop, chop." And you're back. TRAVIS: (gasps) LAURA: I love biscuits! HEIDI: Oh, that's all you got from that? TRAVIS: I slept forever. That was the best power nap I've ever had. HEIDI: How was that for you? TRAVIS: Let's all form company or something. MATT: No. TRAVIS: We'll take over the world. What? MATT: We can't form a company. She likes companies. That was the gift that she wanted to take from us. So if we don't form one, she can't take it from us. TRAVIS: Good, thank you, Toby. MARISHA: "That's a wild answer and extrapolation, "but I, they are, "fortunes are up to your interpretation, I guess." LAURA: We got to get to the docks. MARISHA: "Yes." TRAVIS: We got to go to the docks? LAURA: Yeah, Jester needs you back. TRAVIS: W-w-why? No, no, no, no, no. LAURA: Yeah, you're important. TRAVIS: What do you mean? No, I mean, Jester's fine. She's really sweet. But man, she goes some fucked up places. HEIDI: So have we, what do you mean? Look at us, we robbed a cart earlier. ISABELLA: You turned into an intercom. TRAVIS: An intercom? ISABELLA: An intercom. TRAVIS: Is that like a snake? MATT: We were promised biscuits to bring you back. HEIDI: But I don't even like biscuits. LAURA: I'm going to pick up Sprinkle in my mouth and start walking towards the water. TRAVIS: Aah! MARISHA: Nugget and Sprinkle are heading downstream. ISABELLA: You did want to go to the water. HEIDI: Ugh, the water, let's not go to the water. MATT: Oh, we don't have to get too close, we'll just follow along the river, and then we'll get to the beach We'll just stay in the sand. ISABELLA: Then we can retire. TRAVIS: At the water? HEIDI: Well, what about the babies? ISABELLA: The babies. MARISHA: What about the babies? ISABELLA: I don't know. (yells) Wake up! MARISHA: (squeals) ISABELLA: Now?! Where do you want to go? MARISHA: They're chewing on your finger a little. ISABELLA: Where do you want to go? MARISHA: "Food." ISABELLA: You want to eat this frog? HEIDI: Not Yo Gabba Gabba! TRAVIS: Yabba Gabba. (laughs) ISABELLA: Do you want to go to the water? MARISHA: "Food." ISABELLA: They're your kids. HEIDI: Here. If we're going, I'm going to have to find something to eat for the babies before we go. MARISHA: "If you wish--" ISABELLA: Froga. MARISHA: "Yes?" ISABELLA: I was going to ask if you have anything for these, you can't eat them. We care about them. MARISHA: "I... "promise not to eat them. However, "these are jungle cats. "This is their native environment. "We are always looking "for stalwart protectors of the forest. HEIDI: My babies, they could protect the forest, but they need to be raised. Someone has raise them. Is there someone in here that could raise them, or--? MARISHA: "It takes a village. "I, Froga Yaga, "can watch them. If you wish--" ISABELLA: And not to eat! MARISHA: "And not to eat." ISABELLA: All right. HEIDI: Because if a piece of my baby is missing when I get back, we brawling. MARISHA: "I believe in you. "You must stop the Harbinger of Screams." "You must stop the Harbinger of Screams." HEIDI: I am the protagonist, I should, I probably will. MARISHA: "You have my word." ISABELLA: I think we can leave the babies with you. MARISHA: "They will be safe for at least 48 hours, "I can promise that much." ISABELLA: What happens after 48 hours? MARISHA: "It's the jungle, baby." TRAVIS: Changes on a swivel. MATT: You already know that murder baby's one of these spaces, maybe... MARISHA: "Those fucking murder babies." TRAVIS: Are you guys coming or what? MATT: Oh my goodness. HEIDI: Should we rest first and then go? MARISHA: They're gone. (laughter) HEIDI: That's the answer, okay. Well, I guess we don't really have a choice, do we? (laughs) ISABELLA: Let's go. MARISHA: You all trek through the jungle, desperately racing against the last fading sunlight. Follow the directions Froga Yaga gave you. You sense that the dense jungle foliage is starting to lighten up. It's starting to part. Eventually, it gives way, just in time, as the sun begins to go down. You can see the stream in the distance where it dumps out into the ocean. Just beyond that, even further, are the docks of the Open Quay. Your destination is in sight, but the only way to get there is to cross the stream. At this point, you've made your way, you've followed along the stream as long as you could. But now you're at a pinch point with jungle behind you, stream in front of you, and a waterfall with a cliff as the water pours out towards the beach. Across the river, a downed log has fallen. You can see that if you can cross across this log, that the cliff isn't as steep on this side, and has a pretty smooth path to get you to the ocean. However... ISABELLA: Fabric. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: The rapids are strong, and the log is quite rotten. LAURA: Yes, yes. (laughs) MARISHA: And waterlogged. TRAVIS: Amazing. HEIDI: What is that? TRAVIS: A-fucking-mazing. HEIDI: What is this? I assume-- Can I out swim the water, can I--? MATT: We're going to find out. LAURA: Oh my gosh. You know what I was thinking? Professor Thaddeus was always like looking at those mice in the cage. Do you remember how much he wanted to eat them? I bet he's going to try to eat those blind mice. MATT: Oh. LAURA: I bet they're probably dead now. HEIDI: Before we cross the stream, can we just all take a second and just really calm down, you know? Might help improve our life. LAURA: Do you need help de-stressing? HEIDI: Oh, you're telling me, yes. Dear jesus, yes. LAURA: I just come over to you and-- MARISHA: Oh my god! LAURA: I give you a big lick. HEIDI: Thanks. MARISHA: It's wet. It's not helpful. LAURA: Does that help? HEIDI: Anyone else but you probably could've helped. LAURA: Do you feel better? HEIDI: Thank you, though. TRAVIS: I give you a big, old lick. (licking sound) HEIDI: Oh my god, the tongues. (laughter) Oh my god, the tongue. TRAVIS: Toby, wait! HEIDI: What is the-- MATT: I don't have a tongue that works like that. It doesn't help. MARISHA: Toby, you set off across the log. Here's how this is going to go. I'm going to try and... Travis and Matt, can you reach it? TRAVIS: Oh yeah. MATT: Yeah, I can reach it. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MARISHA: That feels close, right? LAURA: Yeah. HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: You're going to roll a d10. In this case, you want to roll low. Because whatever you roll is the amount of balls you have to put on the log. MATT: Do our statistics lower the number? MARISHA: Nope, this is just about a straight d10 roll. No pluses, no minuses. HEIDI: Oh god. MARISHA: If the marbles fall, we'll see what happens. TRAVIS: Oh no. MARISHA: This is a weirdo little tweezer tong situation that you can pick them up and put them with. LAURA: Do we go one at a time? Or this is it? This is the thing. So as each person goes across, it gets harder for the next person to cross? Cool. HEIDI: I call second. TRAVIS: No, you're at least third. Oh shit! LAURA: Oh no! HEIDI: It sounds like someone should've went before you. (laughter) LAURA: He was first. MARISHA: You guys still have, you know, stuff. TRAVIS: Oh, that's true, magic things. MARISHA: I won't deny you your stuff. IZZY: I have absolutely nothing to help. TRAVIS: Set fire to the log. IZZY: Yeah. HEIDI: I have a broken bottle rocket. IZZY: Put that on your back, and then light it and use it as a jetpack. HEIDI: You think can shoot me across? You could spark it. TRAVIS: Matt's first. MARISHA: I would say the arrow would have to directly line across or else you end up in the rapids. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: Which could be a good thing. HEIDI: And doggy paddling is not going to be saving you. MARISHA: It's got to be south. ISABELLA: Are we about to put 10 marbles on the tissue? MATT: Well, no, first, we're going to put five on it. LAURA: Oh, because you rolled five? ISABELLA: You just rolled a five. MATT: Actually, you're pretty fast. Depends on who gets there first. I'm still-- MARISHA: You made the initiative. MATT: I did. MARISHA: You got to go first, Toby. MATT: All right, all right. HEIDI: Well-- MARISHA: (skittering) HEIDI: -- hopefully you get across. LAURA: Hey, put them on slower. MARISHA: And with that amount-- I'm not even supposed to be on your side. MATT: What's up? What am I doing? LAURA: Try to keep the water off of it. MARISHA: You were just aggressive. It's fine. HEIDI: You're ruining it! MARISHA: You do you, man, yeah. LAURA: It's the Toby way. TRAVIS: I never played this game. MATT: I don't know what the rules are. ISABELLA: It's done. MARISHA: There are no rules. MATT: Then, you know what? It's fine. HEIDI: We've already lost. MATT: There we go. HEIDI: We've already lost. MARISHA: Sprinkle, are you going next? TRAVIS: Well, with my 10? HEIDI: I grab Sprinkle. MARISHA: Oh, you grab Sprinkle? HEIDI: I grab Sprinkle. I'm like: Calm down. Look, now here, Mister Sprinkle. You have to go behind someone else. Because you acting up. TRAVIS: Okay. ISABELLA: Oh, wait, can I fly!? MARISHA: You can fly. But once again, I'll say, you're going to have to make a roll for it because the rapids and you can-- It's a lot, okay? ISABELLA: Did we take the tigers or no? MARISHA: No, you left the tigers with Froga Yoga. ISABELLA: Okay, yeah. LAURA: Because we would have never gotten the tigers across. ISABELLA: Can I fly with him? MARISHA: No. ISABELLA: Or her? MARISHA: No. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: It's too rough. The water, the rushing. LAURA: Oh god, look at that. MARISHA: You guys better go quick. Yeah, go. HEIDI: Two. LAURA: Okay. HEIDI: Oh my god, oh my god. MARISHA: Come on, Heidi. Let it-- uh-- (laughs) HEIDI: The journey, honey. MATT: Oh god. HEIDI: This bitch. ISABELLA: Marble bitch. HEIDI: Oh my god, it dried off. ISABELLA: Use your fingers. HEIDI: Oh my god, it dried off. That's horrible. (laughter) HEIDI: You know what? I'm just going-- MARISHA: Yeah, that's fine, I'll allow it. That's good. All right. LAURA: All right. ISABELLA: Joanne, what's your sly? ISABELLA: Two. MARISHA: Okay. I'll say you can attempt to fly across, but it's a hard check. You have to roll. You have to meet or beat a nine. HEIDI: Oh jesus. ISABELLA: Oh my god! HEIDI: You suck at flying. MARISHA: Or else you have to make a land. TRAVIS: You can do it, you can do it. MARISHA: You can try it. LAURA: You can do it. MARISHA: Or else you have to make a land. 30% chance. HEIDI: You can't even fly well. LAURA: This is it. MARISHA: The rapids, all of that mist, as it's coming down from this mountain, this freshwater spring, it's hitting-- HEIDI: A nine! Is that a nine? MARISHA: Okay. ISABELLA: So that's an 11. MATT: Yeah! That's what it's about! MARISHA: You're determined, as the mist and the wind from the sheer force of this raging river tries to batter you down. The air current is almost overwhelming, but you fucking got this, and you just buckle down. You tuck your head a little bit as you cut right through the mist of the river. ISABELLA: Sorry! MARISHA: Good work. HEIDI: You better, Joanne. ISABELLA: Thank you. MATT: You did great! LAURA: Okay, sure, I'll try to go next. MARISHA: All right. LAURA: Three. MARISHA: Okay. MARISHA: Not too bad. TRAVIS: Way better than mine. HEIDI: Come on, you got this. Oh yes. ISABELLA: The wetness can sort of keep it in place. HEIDI: Let it fall on the table. It gets drier that way. ISABELLA: But the wetness sort of keeps it from-- (exclaiming) TRAVIS: Well, I already rolled mine. So I might as well just go. MARISHA: Yes, you did. LAURA: Quick, quick, quick, go as fast as you can. MARISHA: You can see Sprinkle. MATT: I'm on the other side waving. MARISHA: Yes, Nugget crosses perfectly. As the log in front of you starts to creak. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: We believe in you. We believe in you! MARISHA: Some of Nugget's weight has collapsed some of the log. There are now potholes that you have to avoid. LAURA: How many is that? Three? TRAVIS: We're doing fine, guys. MARISHA: The log creaks again. LAURA: No, no, no! MARISHA: Halfway across, Sprinkle. HEIDI: Five. MARISHA: You can feel the mist as it's battering against your fur. LAURA: Oh my god. MARISHA: Little droplets of water are starting to crust around all of your fur. HEIDI: That's starting to move. MARISHA: You're getting more and more waterlogged as you go. Oh god. HEIDI: Seven. LAURA: Oh god, eight. MARISHA: This is the last one. HEIDI: Here's eight. ISABELLA: Over-- yeah, yeah. HEIDI: Yes. LAURA: Oh no, that one's so wet. MARISHA: You're so close. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: Nine. (screaming) MARISHA: It starts to creak. HEIDI: Nine. (screaming, laughter) MARISHA: You are moments away. You think you've made it. You just did the most terrifying thing. ISABELLA: He can't die! MARISHA: As you see Joanne, Nugget-- ISABELLA: Let him go! MARISHA: -- CLAPP, and Toby. They're like, yeah, man. Joanne starts to reach out. TRAVIS: I was so worried for a-- MARSHA: (cracking) (breaking open) TRAVIS: (screams) MARISHA: The log breaks out from under you. You immediately are swept under from the current, completely underwater. You crack the bottom of a rock. The rest of you just see-- HEIDI: How big is this stream? ISABELLA: It's a river. Let's be real, it's a river. MARISHA: I'm going to say this was at least 16 feet apart. LAURA: Oh, gosh. MARISHA: It's not that deep, because it's going over a cliff. You see, as you reach out, just a blur of red as he gets sucked into the waterfall, and boop, you go over the water-- ISABELLA: The best one to go down, I have to be honest. HEIDI: I'm kind of at peace with it. (laughter) MARISHA: With that, as a punctuation, Sprinkle, ass over teakettle. Smack! You hit at the bottom of this waterfall. Little bit of a very shallow pool. You can feel your spine crack. ISABELLA: Oh my god! MARISHA: On a boulder lying just beneath the surface. LAURA: Sprinkle! I bamf. MARISHA: You are unconscious, as the water starts to lap up against the shoreline. TRAVIS: Finally. HEIDI: I make my way down. I make my way down to see if he's okay. TRAVIS: May the creatures feast on me. MARISHA: You look down, just peeking over the edge, and all you can see is just Sprinkle's broken body on the edge, yes, of the bank. ISABELLA: How you feeling? MARISHA: No response. HEIDI: Can I go to him? Can I go to him at this point? MARISHA: You can, yeah. The path curves around and loops down to the bottom of the waterfall. You can all see how to get there. HEIDI: I make my way down to check on my good buddy, Sprinkle. MARISHA: You see he's facedown, just listless. HEIDI: I pull him out of the water. I hold him up like The Hunchback of Notre Dame holds up Esmeralda. ISABELLA: Feast, vultures. HEIDI: Sanctuary! Grant him sanctuary! I move back out of the water, and take his body-- MARISHA: You pull his body as you hold him above you. ISABELLA: Did you go in the water? HEIDI: But my tentacles are wrapped around. MARISHA: You went into the water for him just a little? HEIDI: I did. I freaked out. MARISHA: That's an amazing point of sacrifice. HEIDI: I freaked out a little. MARISHA: You do take a point of stress for it, though. HEIDI: I figured, I figured. I'm back up to four. MARISHA: But as you hold this lifeless, mauled weasel body above you, you embrace him thinking, well-- HEIDI: You smell bad. MARISHA: He smells like ass. He died as he lived, which is ratchet. LAURA: He smells like ass. HEIDI: He smells horrible. MARISHA: Then suddenly (gasps). HEIDI: I throw him. Ah! MARISHA: Splash, you go back into the water. HEIDI: I grab him again, and hold him up. I'll say, so you is alive? So you was just playing? TRAVIS: No, what do you mean? I landed that perfectly. HEIDI: I got in the water for you. TRAVIS: That's instinct, that's instinct from just, you know, evolution, baby. HEIDI: I dunk him in the bucket. ISABELLA: You're a zombie. MARISHA: You get slammed in the bucket. TRAVIS: (bubbles) LAURA: You're, like-- You're magical. HEIDI: The protagonist, yeah. I finally un-submerge him from the bucket. MATT: If a familiar can eventually become the hero, does that mean you need a familiar? HEIDI: Maybe I do need a familiar. I should have a familiar. ISABELLA: I wonder who it should be. HEIDI: Would you be my familiar? How about I be-- MATT: I ink a little, which doesn't make any sense. (laughter) HEIDI: Six of my legs clap. Because one's holding the bucket, and one's holding him still. MATT: It would be an honor. I can't kneel, because I'm a crab, but-- ISABELLA: I'm still out of a job. (laughter) HEIDI: Until we find you a sufficient one, you can be my familiar. MATT: I'm up for the task, okay. TRAVIS: Did you go into the water for me? HEIDI: Yeah, I did, I did. TRAVIS: That's very special. Thank you. HEIDI: Just remember that if I'm ever in trouble. TRAVIS: (vomits) All of this water and blood starts coming out. MARISHA: Take a point of stress. MATT: Oh god. MARISHA: That was traumatic as fuck. TRAVIS: Residual, sorry. My back makes some weird popping sounds. HEIDI: Take one of my legs, like, no, get out of that. Get out of that. MARISHA: After being beaten and battered by the river, you all finally make it-- HEIDI: Oh, that's right, he's immortal. Of course he's not dead. MARISHA: -- to where the stream meets the ocean. Who wants to make a clever check for me? HEIDI: I'll do it. MARISHA: Actually, let's everybody make a clever check. How about this? Let's see. MATT: Oh, 11. TRAVIS: Eight. ISABELLA: Three. LAURA: 10. HEIDI: I got me a lovely 12. (oohing) HEIDI: I was about to switch die. MARISHA: You're a bit distracted from the insanity. HEIDI: Damn it, Joanne. ISABELLA: I thought we were going to paradise. (laughter) HEIDI: It's a journey. ISABELLA: This has been one of the worst days I've had in a long time. HEIDI: You say that all the time, Joanne. ISABELLA: I do say that all the time. TRAVIS: But haven't you seen amazing things in the process? HEIDI: Like my ink hole? ISABELLA: I see that all the time. HEIDI: All the time-- Oh, so you tired of it? So you just tired of my ink hole? ISABELLA: Well, sometimes you need something new. HEIDI: Interesting, you weren't saying that last night. (laughter) HEIDI: I just fix my hat, because I'm still wearing my hat from earlier. MARISHA: Oh, yes, it somehow miraculously hasn't been blown off or ripped off or tossed down the river, because that's the miracle of fashion. ISABELLA: It's bobby pinned in. MARISHA: Yes, absolutely. TRAVIS: I give Joanne the lemon peel helmet. MARISHA: Aw. TRAVIS: Thanks for looking out for us up there. HEIDI: I'm still holding him. I was like: but I just saved you. ISABELLA: I know, I-- (laughs) HEIDI: I hand him to Joanne. Take him. He smells bad. ISABELLA: He does smell terrible. HEIDI: I gave him a bath, though. MARISHA: As you guys are having this lovely conversation, Nugget, your nose picks up on a familiar scent. LAURA: I was just looking around. MARISHA: Yeah. Three blind mice. TRAVIS: (gasps) HEIDI: ♪ Three blind mice ♪ ISABELLA: What the hell? MARISHA: You start to follow the scent. Same for you, Toby. You start to notice, and you can see the trail that Nugget is on. LAURA: Are we on the beach? MARISHA: Yes, so it's right as the river meets the ocean, and has this nice little inlet. So you're starting to get onto the beach coming out of the woods. LAURA: I smell mice. MARISHA: You follow the scent. You can see what appears to be remains. LAURA: Oh. ISABELLA: Uh-oh. Shardy. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: None of you can breathe. ISABELLA: Breathe? MARISHA: Under those bushes is the rest of what appears to be three dead rodents. HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: Those mice aren't sick. Those mice aren't sleeping. Those mice are dead. LAURA: I knew it, I knew it. I knew Professor Thaddeus was going to eat them. He always wanted to eat them, and now he's free, and he ate the mice. HEIDI: Can I examine the bodies? ISABELLA: Why would the mice-- TRAVIS: Nothing you can do. MARISHA: You can, roll a clever check. ISABELLA: Why would the mice support--? HEIDI: A 13. MARISHA: They just-- they were. They're just a clue. HEIDI: I've been on fire since the break. MARISHA: What was it? HEIDI: A 13. MARISHA: You do indeed take a closer look, and you notice that the nature of the gashes on these mice appears to be from talons. HEIDI: Ooh, this looks like an owl, honey. MARISHA: They're completely eviscerated with their innards almost entirely gutted. This 100% was done by a large bird of prey. LAURA: Was it eating them? Or are they gashed open and just not eaten? ISABELLA: Murdered. LAURA: Are they murdered? MARISHA: They were definitely eaten. This is the skull, a little bit of the skin that is still keeping basically the skull and the tail intact. TRAVIS: Some ribbons. MARISHA: Yes, with the rest of it. LAURA: I'm looking up the sky looking for Professor Thaddeus. MARISHA: Make a clever check. TRAVIS: I'll join. MARISHA: All right. TRAVIS: I don't see shit. HEIDI: I, too, will join. MARISHA: Is that under your stress? LAURA: Nope. MARISHA: Okay. Take a point of stress, though, because discovering... You've never seen horror like this, and it hits you on a personal level. LAURA: I'm very sad about it. MARISHA: You're so sad about it. HEIDI: Can I also look for Professor Thaddeus? LAURA: It's also-- MARISHA: You rolled, too, right? What'd you roll? LAURA: -- kind of fucked up because I kind of want to eat them. TRAVIS: I rolled a four. LAURA: But I don't want to, but I also really want to eat them. HEIDI: 12. ISABELLA: Wow. MARISHA: What the fuck? HEIDI: I'm on fire, baby. MATT: Yeah. HEIDI: That plus three is very handy. MARISHA: Is that under your stress? ISABELLA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yep. ISABELLA: Oh my god. HEIDI: You just came back to life. TRAVIS: I died. Do my stresses clear when I die? MARISHA: Sprinkle, you see these horrible remains, and a flash strikes. They're rodents. They're cousins. For a second, you see your face on one of their lifeless skulls. HEIDI: Oh, jesus. ISABELLA: Oh, so it's about you? HEIDI: It's always about him. MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: You lose your shit. TRAVIS: I-- (screams) MARISHA: Sprinkle's unreachable, unless somebody wants to do anything. TRAVIS: (gibberish) MATT: Oh goodness. HEIDI: I take three of my legs and restrain him. ISABELLA: Wow, I've never really seen anything like that before. MARISHA: Okay, you were so distracted, you glance up for a second looking for him, but then this shit happens and now it's-- Sprinkle, you're restrained. HEIDI: I am restraining him. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. TRAVIS: Eight. MARISHA: You break out of her restraints. LAURA: Can I run-- HEIDI: I tried, y'all. LAURA: -- and try and tackle him? MARISHA: Make a fierce check. LAURA: Nine. HEIDI: Damn. MARISHA: You don't-- I was going to make it a 10, you don't restrain him, but you do punt him. You're trying to get him down, but instead you knock into him and you go flying into the ocean. ISABELLA: Yeah, that seems like it would make it worse. TRAVIS: (garbled gibberish) HEIDI: I think he needed the water, y'all. TRAVIS: (blubbering gibberish) MATT: Ocean, that's my realm. I get into the water beneath as you're scrambling and I-- MARISHA: The tide is starting to pull him out. MATT: I rush out and try and clamp on with a claw to drag him back into the sand. MARISHA: Make a quick check. TRAVIS: I've luckily found my way into the tentacles of a Portuguese man o' war, and it's horribly scarring my body. MARISHA: (electric sizzling) TRAVIS: (screams) MARISHA: I'll take it. There's a jellyfish bloom happening tonight. MATT: (yells) MARISHA: What's your roll? MATT: Four! MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, come on. MARISHA: The jellyfish are too fucking much. TRAVIS: (screams) MARISHA: Not only is he being poisoned and eviscerated, he's being swept out into sea. TRAVIS: Deserved. ISABELLA: I bet that everything is fine in the water. HEIDI: Someone has to save him. TRAVIS: If somebody could fly, it'd be amazing. (gurgles) MARISHA: You're a little listless. ISABELLA: I wonder what he's saying as he's being saved. TRAVIS: Oh god, my flesh! (gurgles) (laughter) TRAVIS: It's like a million needles! ISABELLA: Okay, I'll fly out. Somehow I feel it, like I know. MARISHA: Make-- HEIDI: We've got some more friends. MARISHA: -- either a quick check or a clever check to see if you overcome your apathy of the situation. (laughter) TRAVIS: Do I give a fuck? ISABELLA: (screams) 12! (cheering) MARISHA: Okay, it's a little bit of both. You're like, "Fucking fine, I guess someone "has to be the adult." You go out to Sprinkle and do-- ISABELLA: Joanne has been experiencing some newfound maternal energy today. MARISHA: Yeah, you know, the tiger cubs ignited the flame deep inside. ISABELLA: I know. HEIDI: I'm glad my babies did that for you. ISABELLA: Thank you. My babies. MARISHA: You can't really carry this water-logged Sprinkle, but you can definitely keep his head above water as you like, you know, National Guard-- ISABELLA: Dips under every once in a while. MARISHA: -- drag him back into shore. TRAVIS: You push me under. MARISHA: Yes. TRAVIS: Thank you for the (drowns). MARISHA: 100%. TRAVIS: I'm so-- (drowns) (laughter) HEIDI: I should have gave you my bucket, he could have just got in the bucket. ISABELLA: Absolutely. TRAVIS: I'm conscious now. MARISHA: Full National Guard. The bucket rescue. TRAVIS: Yeah. HEIDI: Well, it's too late now. Its too late now. MARISHA: All right. Sprinkle, you've made it. You're a little delirious, you're a little tired. MATT: I got it. HEIDI: Is he still crazy? MATT: Snap out of it! MARISHA: Yeah, make a fierce check. TRAVIS: I'm not a chum bucket. MARISHA: You make a clever check. MATT: Nine. TRAVIS: Three. MARISHA: Great. Yours beat his. Pop. You're very sober. HEIDI: Thank goodness. TRAVIS: (groans) MATT: (slaps) TRAVIS: (screams) (laughs) HEIDI: Toby, no! MARISHA: You reduced your stress completely, but then you take another stress from where he smacked you again. TRAVIS: Oh no. MARISHA: So you're down to one stress. TRAVIS: Fair enough. ISABELLA: So that's how you get rid of your stress. MARISHA: Yeah, you, yeah. ISABELLA: You lose your mind. TRAVIS: I look over at you and my jaw is-- HEIDI: Or get relaxed. TRAVIS: -- is like an inch over to the right from where the claw hit it. HEIDI: That got really hot. TRAVIS: I'm okay. I'm feeling much better. Now, where did all the fur on my arm go? LAURA: I was trying to smack his jaw back into place with my paw. HEIDI: It was a jellyfish wax, it's fine. MARISHA: This one, make a sly check-- ISABELLA: They're all the rage. MARISHA: -- to make sure you don't overshoot it and make it worse. LAURA: Eight. MARISHA: Yeah. Perfect amount of strength. Pop. TRAVIS: (groans) MARISHA: Nugget realigns your jaw. TRAVIS: Unconscious. MARISHA: Yeah, back down. TRAVIS: (moans) Thank you. LAURA: We got to get you to the docks. TRAVIS: Okay. There? There? Over there. HEIDI: Yep. LAURA: Do we see Professor Thaddeus as we're walking? MARISHA: Make another clever check. ISABELLA: I patrol the skies. MARISHA: How about everybody makes a clever check. ISABELLA: Absolutely not. HEIDI: 12. ISABELLA: Three. MARISHA: What the fuck? HEIDI: High roll. ISABELLA: I know, what the hell. MARISHA: Damn. HEIDI: It feels so nice. ISABELLA: It's the fidget spinner. HEIDI: The fidget spinner. MATT: It is. It's been enchanted long before. MARISHA: It's hard because the last bit of the light has finally faded as the stars come out. ISABELLA: Prime time for owls. MARISHA: Prime time for owls. This is-- HEIDI: We need to hide. MARISHA: -- their chosen time to hunt. TRAVIS: See ya. MARISHA: In fact, did you all know that owls are zygodactyl. HEIDI: What's that even mean? MARISHA: It means they've got two toes in the front and two toes in the back, but they can wrap one toe around in order to grab their prey. Anyway, it's dark outside now. MATT: My four does not see anything. MARISHA: You got a 12? HEIDI: I got a 12. ISABELLA: Three. LAURA: Five. TRAVIS: Nine. MARISHA: You two are the only ones that see anything. The only reason that you see anything is because right out of the corner of your eye you see a palm tree shift-- HEIDI: (gasps) MARISHA: -- and what looks like a bird leaving from it. You don't see it directly. Just this blur of motion as it takes to the skies. TRAVIS: That's not true, it just pooped. HEIDI: Oh, you think-- (laughter) HEIDI: Hmm, interesting. So there was something in that tree, y'all, and we need to find shelter or something or prepare for-- LAURA: What was it? HEIDI: -- an attack or something. HEIDI: A big-- TRAVIS: A fruit bat? MARISHA: Are you digging? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Our dog is just digging a hole. MARISHA: Just digging in the sand. TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: Oh! TRAVIS: Good thinking, Nugget. I get away from Nugget. MARISHA: CLAPP, you get pelted with a little bit of sand from Nugget. HEIDI: Oh, not my legs. You're getting it in my bucket. Now I have sandy water. LAURA: I'm sorry. HEIDI: Oh, it's okay. I still love you. LAURA: Do you want me to get new water in your bucket? HEIDI: If you would like to, please. LAURA: Okay. HEIDI: Yes, thank you so much. You're so kind. LAURA: I drag it along the ground. HEIDI: I did need fresh water. MARISHA: You're just scooping up more sand, but it's a very nice gesture. LAURA: I drag it closer to the ocean and try to get-- HEIDI: Make sure you empty it first. LAURA: Okay. HEIDI: Thank you. MARISHA: Make a sly check for your dexterity. LAURA: Oh! Oh! 11. MARISHA: Not too bad! HEIDI: Yahtzee. MARISHA: You drag the bucket over and as it's scooping up sand, a big wave comes in and crashes right into your face. It goes right down your throat. But in the meantime, it also happens to wash out the bucket and give you a nice fresh refill of salt water. HEIDI: Yum. MATT: So which way did the tree poop, huh? TRAVIS: It was over there. MARISHA: As you look in the distance you can see, heading along the beach line, with the cliffs lining the backside of the beach, what appears to be the docks that you were heading towards. Far off in the distance, you see the big people floaters attached to the docks. HEIDI: Oh my god. They're so big. MATT: That's where you were trying to get, right? TRAVIS: Yeah. HEIDI: The big floaters. MATT: We got biscuits waiting for us if we can get you there. So let's get going! TRAVIS: I'm all for it. LAURA: There's also lots of humans and stuff so maybe some of them would need familiars. I've heard a lot of people die at the human floaters. HEIDI: Hi. TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: It's a living. HEIDI: I'm a familiar. MATT: I pull out my knife. Let's go. MARISHA: You walk along the cliff face, and in the distance, in the foreground as you have the docks as this view you see what looks like a massive, giant, a titan of calcium and salt stained stone in the shape of a woman's head and torso. Her wild hair melds into the cliff face behind her as if she is eternally trapped in this barbaric act of masonry. LAURA: That poor woman. MARISHA: Suddenly, her eyes flash as a beam of light moves laterally across the inside of her skull. MATT: What demon is this? HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: And then... HEIDI: What is happening? MARISHA: Stillness. HEIDI: I want to be alert. I want to be alert. I don't like stillness. I want to be alert. MARISHA: Make a clever check. HEIDI: Oh, a five. Oh, and it's just above my stress. Okay, good. MARISHA: You don't know. It's hard to say. TRAVIS: Let's go. That's got to be an indicator. That's like, you know. HEIDI: How many of us can fit in my bucket? MARISHA: Pretty much just Toby, maybe Toby and/or Sprinkle. HEIDI: Because I can squish down to nothing basically. MARISHA: Yes, jars. MATT: If we can-- If this terrifying frozen woman entity thing is watching the horizon, maybe we wait for when the eyes go past and we rush past when she's not looking. TRAVIS: Good thinking. HEIDI: Oh, that's genius. MATT: I do have plus two clever. HEIDI: Look at you. MARISHA: Flash. (screaming) TRAVIS: Run, run, run! MARISHA: You bamf? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: You end up going diagonally and end up at the base of this giant woman. LAURA: I made it! MARISHA: You're about halfway across. The rest of you, make a quick check. TRAVIS and MATT: Seven. ISABELLA: Six. MARISHA: Okay. Oh, you're there. HEIDI: A two. TRAVIS: Oh, finally? LAURA: Uh-oh. TRAVIS: Finally a two. HEIDI: I break. MARISHA: The rest of you-- ISABELLA: Oh my god! MARISHA: -- take off-- HEIDI: (screams) MARISHA: -- knowing you have a short amount of time. You get halfway. You're standing at the base of the woman. CLAPP is losing her shit behind you. What do you guys do? MATT: Mistress! (shushes) TRAVIS: Toby, you have to help me! I grab two of her legs and I start slapping her in the face with her own tentacles. HEIDI: So rough with me. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. What are you doing? MATT: I'm going to take my claws and gingerly hold two of the other legs behind and go: Shh, shh, shh. MARISHA: Hold her down. What'd you roll? TRAVIS: 11. MARISHA: 11? Wait, you roll a fierce as well. MATT: Five. MARISHA: Roll a clever check, CLAPP. HEIDI: Seven. MARISHA: Oh! LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: She breaks free of your grasp. You do manage to successfully give her a whack. HEIDI: I'm swinging the bucket. I swing it at Sprinkle. MARISHA: Make a quick check to see if you dodge the bucket. TRAVIS: No, did-- I do, 11! MARISHA: Good, you dodge out of the way just in time. ISABELLA: I'm going to go up. I'm going to go up to CLAPP. MARISHA: Flash across the woman's eyes. ISABELLA: Okay. Does she see me? MARISHA: What? ISABELLA: Does she see me? MARISHA: You don't know. ISABELLA: Okay, I-- MARISHA: Nothing seems to be happening. ISABELLA: I'm going to go up-- I'm going to go up to CLAPP. It's probably just a lighthouse. (laughs) I go up to CLAPP and I just look at her. ♪ I could stay awake ♪ ♪ just to hear you dreaming ♪ HEIDI: I take the bucket and I put it over-- I try to capture Joanne with the bucket. MARISHA: Make a quick check and you make a clever check. Let's see what happens. HEIDI: Six. ISABELLA: 11. MARISHA: You miss. ISABELLA: ♪ I could spend the night ♪ ♪ in this sweet surrender ♪ (laughter, clapping) ISABELLA: ♪ I could stay lost in this moment ♪ HEIDI: I take two tentacles of sand. ISABELLA: ♪ Forever ♪ MARISHA: Okay, make a fierce check on this one. HEIDI: Yeah! A three. I'll get all my stinkers out the way. ISABELLA: I give her a little kiss. MARISHA: You keep trying to fight it. HEIDI: No, I wrap my tentacles around. MARISHA: You're just-- HEIDI: I'm like: No! But Joanne-- ISABELLA: ♪ Every moment ♪ ♪ spent with you ♪ MARISHA, TRAVIS, and ISABELLA: ♪ Is a moment I treasure ♪ HEIDI: Joanne in the bucket now. MARISHA: Roll one last fierce check. HEIDI: 11. LAURA: Oh no! HEIDI: Get in the bucket. ISABELLA: I tried. TRAVIS: I use Speak with Object. I'm going to talk to the bucket HEIDI: No! MARISHA: Oh my god! HEIDI: I'm was fixing to capture Joanne with the bucket. MARISHA: Joanne, you are under this bucket. All the ocean water that was in it comes crashing down on top of you. But from inside the bucket, you can hear, "Wait, what? What do you want?" As Sprinkle starts talking with the bucket. ISABELLA: Froga? MARISHA: "Who the fuck is Froga? "Why am I awake? Who's talking to me?" TRAVIS: Comfort CLAPP. Calm her down. Give her your embrace! MARISHA: "Oh, CLAPP? "Oh no. "Is my girl having a moment?" TRAVIS: Yeah, she's freaking the fuck out. HEIDI: (screams) TRAVIS: You hear that scream? MARISHA: "CLAPP." HEIDI: Who's there? MARISHA: "It's me." HEIDI: Oh hey, girl. MARISHA: "It's your bucket." HEIDI: How you doing? MARISHA: "Girl, you know I'm your best fucking friend." HEIDI: Yeah, yeah. I've been out here with these strangers and crazy people all day. MARISHA: "I've been proud of you, though." HEIDI: I've been trying. I've been in the water three times today. MARISHA: "You know, I feel like you've really grown today." HEIDI: I tried. MARISHA: "Not only did you overcome your fears." HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: "But you've really become like just "a comforting maternal figure for all these critters." HEIDI: And protagonist. MARISHA: "Yes." HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: "You know, we don't talk as much anymore. "We should talk some more." HEIDI: I've just been so busy. MARISHA: "I know, but you know." HEIDI: Joanne, well, Joanne's inside you right now. Usually Joanne's inside me. MARISHA: "She is." HEIDI: But I'm not mad. MARISHA: "She's a little stressed about it. You know? "She was--" HEIDI: It's okay. MARISHA: "Look, "she was trying to talk to you." HEIDI: Yeah, you're right. MARISHA: "She's a friend. "We got you." HEIDI: You're right. You're right. MARISHA: "You've just got to know when to lean "on your pals and your pails." HEIDI: And your pail. TRAVIS: Aw. HEIDI: It was that phrase. I start giggling. MARISHA: "Eyy." TRAVIS: Shame. HEIDI: But I haven't realized-- but I haven't realized Joanne's in the bucket yet. ISABELLA: Or your pails. (wheezes) (laughter) HEIDI: Where's Joanne? ISABELLA: Inside. MARISHA: You hear clink clinking. You can hear Joanne's cackling from it, echoing from inside. ISABELLA: Oh, that's good. My cigar's out. (laughter) MARISHA: It's a hot box a little bit. HEIDI: A lot of smoke that comes out. Hey girl, how you doing? Oh, I get rid of my stress now. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: You get rid of your stress. HEIDI: How you doing? ISABELLA: Fine. MARISHA: The accurately- guessed lighthouse flashes by again. ISABELLA: Okay, it's not a big deal. MARISHA: No. TRAVIS: (like Joanne) Do I die? ISABELLA: Do I die? HEIDI: I had a vision while I was going through stuff. I don't think this woman's going to hurt us. I think we should just go, but we don't want to be seen, though. So we should probably avoid the lighting thing. ISABELLA: Great idea. MARISHA: You very carefully and with ease, knowing that you are safe continue to make your way down the beach. LAURA: I'm eating sand when they catch up with me. (laughter) HEIDI: Genius. MARISHA: Nugget's 50 yards down the beach already. You all eventually catch up. In the darkness, you finally see, hang on a second. Hang on, mm-hmm, hang on. Nope, nope, I'll switch it in a second, though. (laughter) You start to see the docks appear. If I can get that PA assistance to help me bring out the map. HEIDI: Find the map. LAURA: Oh! HEIDI: Find the map. MATT: What? LAURA: What? HEIDI: Wow. MATT: Oh, I know this map. (laughs) LAURA: Oh my god, it's the map. HEIDI: This looks like a battlefield. MATT: This was years ago-- LAURA: This was a battlefield. MATT: Campaign 2 battlefield. TRAVIS: ♪ Love is a battlefield ♪ HEIDI: This is a battlefield. MATT: This is a perfect recreation. This is crazy. TRAVIS: Yo, that's a trip. MATT: That really is. LAURA: Oh my gosh. ISABELLA: There's a raft. MARISHA: After a long evening of so much travel, you all have made your way across the entire outskirts of Nicodranas. You finally make your way to the Open Quay. That rhymes. You can see a long wooden dock with gleaming, floating wedges waiting at the end of it. Now, all you have to do is make it aboard the ship. But it seems you are not alone. HEIDI: Never. MARISHA: Let me switch the order here. You see a person silhouetted in the distance. And then another. MATT: Oh man. TRAVIS: This bitch. HEIDI: Who's that, though? Interesting. MARISHA: And then another. LAURA: Hey, it's our friends. HEIDI: If you say so. MARISHA: Sprinkle and Nugget, exactly, as you-- LAURA: Did you know that sand doesn't taste good? MARISHA: As you get closer, you notice-- HEIDI: I've tasted it. TRAVIS: Oh. MATT: Oh, that's that blue girl you were talking about? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Love blue girl. MARISHA: The Mighty Nein are here. HEIDI: Oh, we going to have to fight The Mighty Nein? MARISHA: They're having a conversation with someone who doesn't seem very amicable. ISABELLA: I think they're far away, some of them. LAURA: Where are we in relation-- MARISHA: You start hearing voices. You guys are-- HEIDI: Ooh, spread out. MARISHA: Walking. LAURA: Are we there? MARISHA: Uh-huh. LAURA: It's us? MARISHA: It's you guys. HEIDI: Oh my god. MARISHA: There's Nugget. MATT: Oh my goodness. HEIDI: It's so cute. MARISHA: There's Sprinkle. HEIDI: Oh my goodness. LAURA: Aw! HEIDI: Oh my god, Joanne. MARISHA: Joanne. Not that one. ISABELLA: Joanne, the album by Lady Gaga. MARISHA: CLAPP. HEIDI: Ah, look at what CLAPP is giving. MATT: With the bucket, I love it. HEIDI: Stop playing, CLAPP is serving. MARISHA and HEIDI: Toby. HEIDI: Oh my god, it's sickening. MARISHA: Voices start to get a little bit more tense. You notice the blue girl with horns, Jester. LAURA: Her name is Jester. MARISHA: Then you see more figures start to bolt as you hear (bolts firing) the sound of crossbow bolts. (gasps) HEIDI: Oh, there about to be a fight. MARISHA: Yes, thank you. HEIDI: A skirmish. MARISHA: Oh, that's better. ISABELLA: Jesus. MARISHA: You are not alone. This is The Mighty Nein, and shit is hitting the fan. LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: The only thing that lies between you and your salvation is this clusterfuck of a fight that is actively starting to happen. HEIDI: Oh, bark. MARISHA: But then swooping from behind you, making this vertical dive, almost clips the back of all of y'all's heads, flies up and lands on the mast of one of the ships. LAURA: (gasps) HEIDI: Fuck it, Thaddeus is on. MARISHA: An owl. And I need someone to help me with this. TRAVIS: A demon owl. MATT: Okay. HEIDI: Well, Jesus, it's about to get real up in here. It's about to be severe up in here. MARISHA: Hold. TRAVIS: What? MATT: What is this? (gasps) HEIDI: Oh my goodness. TRAVIS: Oh my god. LAURA: I can't believe you are doing this, Marisha. MATT: This is the coolest thing. HEIDI: Oh, I love it. MATT: Oh my god. HEIDI: Who are you? What and who are you? LAURA: It's Professor Thaddeus. MARISHA: This is Archie. HEIDI: Hi, Archie. MATT: Hi, Archie. MARISHA: Isn't he the coolest? MATT: This is the coolest thing. HEIDI: You got this neck thing going, honey. MARISHA: He is-- help me. He's a European what kind of owl? MARCY: Eurasian eagle-owl. MARISHA: A Eurasian eagle-owl. LAURA: Oh my god. HEIDI: Oh my goodness. MATT: He's gorgeous. HEIDI: Hi. MARISHA: And today-- HEIDI: Those eyes are beautiful. MARISHA: He's helping me decide what Thaddeus is going to do. HEIDI: Oh, Jesus. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Which means-- HEIDI: Oh, interactive. MARISHA: I'm going to make it up based off of what he does. TRAVIS: Sure. MARISHA: As he turns his head. TRAVIS: Is he heavy? He looks so big. MARISHA: If you hold him for a while. I'd say he's like what? 15 pounds, 20 pounds? LAURA: Is he really that heavy? HEIDI: You'll probably feel is. MARCY: Two or three. LAURA: Don't birds have hollow bones. MATT: Or two or three. MARISHA: Two or three? TRAVIS: 15 pounds. MARISHA: He feels heavy. ISABELLA: Wait, he's two or three pounds? TRAVIS: Yeah, the bones are-- HEIDI: It feels like 15. hollow, right? ISABELLA: And you said 15. HEIDI: I was like, I don't know if a bird could fly at 15 pounds. TRAVIS: Marisha, we got to get you back to the gym. (laughter) MARISHA: I do have to get back to the gym. HEIDI: Not with his wingspan. MATT: He's gorgeous. I love him. MARISHA: Isn't he awesome? Hi, buddy. HEIDI: Hi, Archie. MARISHA: Oh, it's okay, buddy. It's okay, Archie. LAURA: Is he nervous? HEIDI: Hi, Archie. ISABELLA: Oh bye. HEIDI: Wait, what's the name? TRAVIS: Look at those eyes. ISABELLA: (laughs) MARISHA: It's okay, Archie. HEIDI: Oh my goodness. MARISHA: Hang out with, hang out, buddy. MATT: Oh. TRAINER: You're fine. HEIDI: Fine. MATT: It's okay. HEIDI: I agree. MATT: Oh my goodness. HEIDI: Oh my god, so beautiful. MARISHA: I love him so much. MATT: I know, it's too sweet. I can't believe you got an actual Professor Thaddeus for Professor Thaddeus. ISABELLA: He takes a shit on your vest. LAURA: I know, I feel like he's about to poop. TRAINER: Marcy, can you spin this around? MARCY: Yes. MATT: This so cool. ISABELLA: Good job. MATT: Look at that birdie. MARISHA: There you go, buddy. ISABELLA: Good job. HEIDI: Yes, look at you. MATT: Oh my goodness, I love this so much. HEIDI: Oh, they'll tether you. MATT: Therein lies the talons you were talking about. HEIDI: Okay, because baby, they are looking awfully strong. MATT: Oh man. HEIDI: Yes. MATT: This is so awesome. HEIDI: It's getting severe up in here. LAURA: So he's going to choose what Thaddeus does? MARISHA: Yeah, we're going to wing this. MARISHA: We're going to see how this happens. HEIDI: Literally. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Literally wing it-- MATT: I see what you did. MARISHA: -- based on what he does. HEIDI: I'm clever sometimes. MATT: Plus three to it, actually. HEIDI: Plus three-- MARISHA: "Well, well, well. "Look what we have here." HEIDI: Oh, here we go. LAURA: He's so pretentious. MATT: Don't be offended-- MARISHA: "Sprinkle?" MATT: -- is everyone's staring at him the whole time. MARISHA: That's fair. "Sprinkle and Nugget, was it?" LAURA: That's my name now. MARISHA: "It appears you have picked up "some familiar friends." HEIDI: Friends is a strong word. LAURA: No, you're my friend, I love you. HEIDI: Oh, I didn't say I wouldn't use it. I just said it was a strong word. MATT: It is a very strong word. HEIDI: I didn't say it wasn't true. MARISHA: "I'm honestly surprised to see you alive. "I know that will have to change now." HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: "Won't it?" HEIDI: That's big words. LAURA: Why? ISABELLA: Is this the King of Screams? MARISHA: This is The Harbinger of Screams. The Talon of Assmoldeus. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: Asmo-- MARISHA: The Bird of Prey to the Wildmother You Do Not Meet Him, Professor Thaddeus. ISABELLA: Is that who was talking out of Sprinkle? HEIDI: Yes. MARISHA: Make a clever check. ISABELLA: Bad. LAURA: That's not good. ISABELLA: (laughs) LAURA: Three. MARISHA: You're so overwhelmed-- ISABELLA: Four. MARISHA: -- and confused by the amount of shit that is happening, you have no fucking idea. ISABELLA: Okay, okay. MARISHA: Maybe. "Well, you see, you have to die "because I have "a reputation to maintain." HEIDI: Oh no. MARISHA: "Around here, I'm more than a mere mortal. "I have become a legend, "one that is greatly befitting "of an owl of my stature." MATT: He has become one. HEIDI: One. LAURA: One. ISABELLA: W-H-O-N. MARISHA: "You see, "you both saw me "locked in that metallic prison, "restraining me from my destiny." LAURA: I didn't see. I don't even know what we're talking about. What were you talking about? TRAVIS: We were all shared rooming. LAURA: What are you talking about? MARISHA: "I--" HEIDI: We ain't got nothing to do with this. MARISHA: "-- can hear "up to 10 miles away." Real owl facts. HEIDI: Oh, slay. MARISHA: "I heard you talking. "(laughs) "And rumors "spread far in the jungle." HEIDI: Well, that just sounds like you being nosy. MARISHA: "This is my domain." HEIDI: Excuse me. Nobody asked. MARISHA: He wants to make sure that there will be no more rumors, no more record of who has seen him-- LAURA: I will destroy you. MARISHA: -- in his most embarrassing state. HEIDI: Oh, they just want you two. Great. MATT: I also hear that's a bad omen to have bird facts in an RPG setting. (laughter) MATT: This is a dangerous circumstance. MARISHA: Thaddeus swoops down, and he's looking at you, Sprinkle. LAURA: At me? Oh god. MARISHA: He's looking at you. (whooshing) Make a sly check or a quick check, however you want to dodge this. TRAVIS: Sly. 11. MARISHA: Yeah, you tumble out of the way as (whooshes) you see Thaddeus get within inches of the ground before he pulls out of his nosedive. Then he turns his attention towards-- Okay, he's looking to the back, which means he's coming for you, Joanne. HEIDI: No, Joanne is a scammer. MARISHA: As he arcs upwards and he does a loop, he spins and he does a barrel roll in the air as he dips back down, and he's coming to you. Make a sly or a quick check. ISABELLA: Seven. MARISHA: He clips your wing as you go tumbling out of the air. ISABELLA: Fuck. MARISHA: And you almost land into the ocean. Give me another fierce check to see if you hold on. ISABELLA: Nine. HEIDI: Okay, that has to be-- MARISHA: Yes, you manage to hold on as you crawl up over. You guys realize that you've got a moment if you want to try and make an advance towards the boat. LAURA: Oh, yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: We're going to do it. HEIDI: Let's start moving. MATT: Well, and he's watching. HEIDI: I'm camouflaging. I'm camouflaging. I'm camouflaging. LAURA: Oh, yeah, good idea. MARISHA: Okay. CLAPP, you turn into this cobblestone-like texture, gray, mossy almost as you start to creep on by. Make a sly check for me. HEIDI: Oh, that's not my strong suit. Oh, 10. MATT: Ooh. HEIDI: I guess good. MARISHA: Good, you're great. Your camouflage is uncanny as you roll right on by. How are you getting through? MATT: I'm running as fast as a crab can run, which is extremely fast. HEIDI: Can I just put him in my bucket? MARISHA: Yeah, I would say-- MATT: Or be dragged behind in a bucket. That also works fine. MARISHA: Your choice. MATT: Oh, bucket, by all means. MARISHA: All right (plopping), you plop into the bucket, but not before Thaddeus sees you, Nugget-- LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: -- and is coming to swoop down. Make a-- LAURA: I'm going to turn invisible. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: That's my one thing. MARISHA: That's your one thing. Poof! You vanish from sight. You can feel his wings as he brushes over the back of your scruff and does another big loop, coming around as he's now going back to you, Sprinkle. HEIDI: After Sprinkle. TRAVIS: The OG. HEIDI: The OG. Oh, it's a two! MARISHA: Thaddeus sees his prey. This is where he is the most skilled and you are a rodent and he is hungry. He comes through, he starts to dive down to a nose dive, talons come out before (impacts). HEIDI: Ooh, I take the bucket and put it over top of him. MARISHA: Make a quick check to see if you can react in time. HEIDI: Nine. MARISHA: Phenomenal. You do. It comes crashing down. But right as Thaddeus has really wrapped his claws around Sprinkle, so the bucket, boom! Right over top of his knuckles and you hear him (shrieks quietly). Don't want to piss off the owl. He screeches as he recoils and darts back around and you can see he's making a wide loop as he recovers from that. MATT: I was in that bucket. HEIDI: Sorry, sorry. MARISHA: Oh, yes. Take a point of stress. MATT: Yeah, okay. HEIDI: I had to, I'm sorry. MATT: No, it makes sense. MARISHA: Sprinkle, you also take a point of stress as you definitely got hit. LAURA: I'm not invisible anymore because I'm moving. MARISHA: Okay. You're moving, so you lose invisibility. Are you all running? Let me get quick checks from everybody. MATT: Quick check. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Ooh! HEIDI: Nine. MARISHA: Great. LAURA: Four. ISABELLA: Five. TRAVIS: 11. MARISHA: Okay. ISABELLA: Five. MARISHA: Five, okay, so let's see, that was-- HEIDI: I told you having this bucket-- MATT: 10. MARISHA: 10! HEIDI: This bucket has come in handy so many times. LAURA: I know, the bucket. Such a good idea. ISABELLA: Froga told us. MARISHA: You were five. HEIDI: It's about the accessories y'all. LAURA: I was four. MARISHA: You were four? Okay, Sprinkle and Nugget are lagging behind just a little bit as Sprinkle is still recovering from the near miss with Thaddeus. The rest of you, Toby, as you start to scuttle up, a falchion comes directly at you as you see two feet and it's coming from a big green man who is fighting another pirate-looking guy with a crossbow. Make a quick check. MATT: I will. Ah, that's a one. MARISHA: You are pinned to the ground with a falchion in you. LAURA: (gasps) MATT: In me? MARISHA: It's in your claw; it can grow back. MATT: That's true. Okay, so my one claw is pinned? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: I'm going to take my other claw and I'm going to (grunts) and snip off my own arm. LAURA: Awesome. HEIDI: I could have pulled it out for you, but okay. MATT: No, it's what we do. MARISHA: The falchion gets yanked up again. Doesn't even seem to know that you're here. HEIDI: Will it grow back? MATT: Do I take any stress from losing an arm? MARISHA: Yes, you do. MATT: I figured. MARISHA: CLAPP, as you see this happening, two crossbow bolts start whizzing past you. HEIDI: I'll hold the bucket up. MARISHA: Ooh! HEIDI: The bucket is so handy. MARISHA: Give me a sly check. HEIDI: Hopefully it checks out. TRAVIS: Praise the bucket. MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Bucket is life. HEIDI: Six. MARISHA: Great. Ping, ping, ricochets off. HEIDI: Baby, this bucket's the one! MATT: Yeah! (laughs) HEIDI: This bucket is the one! I just: Yippee! Yahtzee! MARISHA: Nugget and Sprinkle, as you are coming up, or wait-- ISABELLA: Don't look at me like that. MARISHA: You're-- (laughs) TRAVIS: He's giving you the stare down. LAURA: Yep, oh yeah. Thaddeus is coming for-- HEIDI: Can I throw the broken bottle rocket to Joanne? ISABELLA: I don't like it. MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: I throw this to Joanne. It could end up being a distraction since she'd have fire, you know? ISABELLA: (gasps) Oh my god. MARISHA: CLAPP, in front of you, is like, "Hey," tosses it. HEIDI: Take it. MARISHA: You now have a broken bottle rocket. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: Because you catch it. You start to duck and weave through this chaotic environment. But from behind, (whooshing) this deer-looking man with a weird bluish-grayish skin and pink hair, sends two bolts of divine light, searing past you. TRAVIS: Cool. MARISHA: Make a quick check. HEIDI: You might get seared. ISABELLA: It's eight. MARISHA: Okay, you capture the bottle rocket. As your focus racks, you can see these two beams of light coming straight at you and you expertly slip them as you dodge and loop around. HEIDI: Where'd you go, Joanne? ISABELLA: Can I see Thaddeus? MARISHA: Yeah, Thaddeus is doing this big loop, and it looks like he's getting ready to make his next attack. ISABELLA: Can I Mulan him? LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: You may attempt to Mulan him. ISABELLA: Okay, I already did my night fire, but do I ever burp and a little comes out? MARISHA: Yeah, there's that and you still have your somehow magically-lit cigar. ISABELLA: Oh, it's still on? TRAVIS: Forever lit. MARISHA: It's forever lit. It's a movie. We don't know how these things work. HEIDI: Exactly. ISABELLA: I think I'm sort of discovering a fear of birds sort of in the moment. (laughter) MARISHA: The handlers asked, "Does anyone have a fear of birds?" And I said, "We'll find out." (laughter) HEIDI: Love it. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: But as you start to set that up, you see Thaddeus come in again. He's starting to make his swoops, but not before a giant greatsword from a large, tall, lumbering woman with white hair swinging, as a pirate is trying to jump out after her from behind. Make another quick check for me, you two. HEIDI: Oh jesus. LAURA: I just run around the pirate's legs. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Five. LAURA: 12. MARISHA: Okay, Sprinkle, or sorry, Nugget, you see it coming and you expertly, poof! Almost a little mini bamf. LAURA: I just want a little, trip the pirate, too, as I'm going to help this lady out. ISABELLA: Table top. MARISHA: I'll say, you think you're going to trip the pirate, but it's actually Sprinkle who gets caught up just directly under his feet. The pirate tumbles backwards and falls ass over tea kettle. But Sprinkle, you get punted in the process and go flying. TRAVIS: (screams) MARISHA: Luckily-- Actually, where's that-- HEIDI: Hopefully he falls into the boat. TRAVIS: Dice? MARISHA: You go flying this way. Not too bad. Nugget, you managed to accurately-- HEIDI: Catch up. MARISHA: -- and swiftly catch up. Thaddeus is coming down for another round of attacks. And he's going to... Archie! LAURA: Archie! Archie! MARISHA: I feel like he's-- Well, it feels like he's side eyeing Nugget. So he's coming down for Nugget again. As you see him-- TRAVIS: Chilled out. ISABELLA: His eyes look kind of fuzzy. TRAVIS: He's chilled out. LAURA: I think he's sleeping. MARISHA: Hi, buddy, are you sleepies? MATT: He had a big night. MARISHA: I know. TRAVIS: He's just comfortable in the fact that he is going to eat you. MATT: That's true, yeah. HEIDI: Yes. ISABELLA: I just want to touch it. LAURA: I know. TRAVIS: Those claws will-- LAURA: He is coming for Nugget. MARISHA: Now he is definitely looking at you. HEIDI: Down MARISHA: You see as he dips low, and he is soaring, he's using the current to surf at an incredibly low level to the ground as he's coming for you. What are you going to do? LAURA: I'm going to duck and roll. HEIDI: I was about to say "When in doubt, bail--" MARISHA: Make a quick check. HEIDI: -- but that works, too. LAURA: Oh, shitballs. Oh no, three. MARISHA: What's your stress at? LAURA: Four. ARCHIE: (hoots) HEIDI: Tea, tea, tea, honey, tea. LAURA: He knew it, he knew it. HEIDI: No way. MATT: That was awesome. MARISHA: Thaddeus laughs. ISABELLA: Oh, he's looking down. HEIDI: He knows. He's like, I got your ass. LAURA: Look at that. HEIDI: He's like, I got your ass. MARISHA: As he clips, and you can just feel his talons scrape along your kidney and he flips you upwards. LAURA: My kidney! MARISHA: You break. You uncontrollably bamf away in the same direction directly next to Sprinkle. TRAVIS: Hey, friend. MARISHA: You are panicked as fuck. You are unable to act unless someone calms you down. ISABELLA: Sing Aerosmith. LAURA: Can I bamf again? MARISHA: You bamf again. You move right in between this blue woman with a giant bo staff and a pirate. The bo staff clocks towards you. Make a quick check. HEIDI: The dog mustn't die. LAURA: 10. HEIDI: Oh, thank god. MARISHA: Mm, you managed to do it. I'm going to say 10 was the roll. Boof, boof, you land in the ocean. HEIDI: Oh god. MARISHA: Right next to the-- HEIDI: With an open wound. MARISHA: The blue Jester. The blue woman named Jester. Next to Jester. You are in the ocean, panicked. LAURA: I'm freaking out! MARISHA: Thaddeus loops back around and feels like he's looking at CLAPP, and he's coming for you, CLAPP. HEIDI: I cast Soak. Get out of here! MARISHA: Ooh, okay. As he rushes down, you can see him coming at you and you just spray at him like a water hose and he gets completely drenched. He tumbles a little bit and you see Thaddeus on just both of his legs run this way and hide as he regroups. You all now have another moment to make another rush. LAURA: My kidneys! HEIDI: I am out here carrying. LAURA: My kidneys are bleeding out in the water. HEIDI: Someone help. Who can help the dog out the water? ISABELLA: Jester. MARISHA: Yes, Nugget is in the water, splashing and panicking. The rest of you, you have a moment to make it to the ship though, if you would like. ISABELLA: I need to Mulan this owl. MARISHA: You can't see him right now. ISABELLA: Okay. MARISHA: But you can set-- That's going to take this round if you want to Mulan him, to set it up right now. ISABELLA: Okay, I'm setting it up. MARISHA: Okay. Next time you see him. HEIDI: Did you bamf again? Not more into the water please, though. MARISHA: Bless you. You're this way into the water next to the-- Bless you again. LAURA: (shivering) It's so cold. HEIDI: Can you bamf on shore, please. MARISHA: Who's doing what? You got a moment. ISABELLA: Wait, can I-- TRAVIS: Can I run up under the dock and go (gibberish) towards Jester and point towards-- MARISHA: Yes, you can HEIDI: I go to try and help Nugget. MARISHA: Okay. ISABELLA: I guess I can help Nugget. HEIDI: I'm like, grab the-- Can Nugget grab the bucket while it's broken? MARISHA: Well, Nugget is in the ocean, panicking. So you don't know. ISABELLA: Okay, can I give the firework to Toby? TRAVIS: You're so quiet now, it's amazing. You're so quiet and respectful from that old asshole that you were before. MARISHA: You want to give the firework to Toby? LAURA: Oh my god, yes! TRAVIS: Give us 30%. Give us 30%, just try it. HEIDI: Give us 30%, come on. TRAVIS: If he eats your face, it's just destiny. LAURA: He's not even looking at you. TRAVIS: Don't chicken out now. HEIDI: He can't fly away-- TRAVIS: Yeah, don't chicken out. Come on, give him a little-- ISABELLA: But I don't want to make him sad. TRAVIS: Give him a little stogie. ISABELLA: Okay. (laughter) (laughter) HEIDI: Come on. You can do it, I swear. ISABELLA: (laughs) Well, I'm just asking a game question. (laughter) TRAVIS: Full immersion or nothing. (laughter) ISABELLA: Can I give this firework to somebody and then go try and get Buttons? What's your-- HEIDI: What about Buttons. MARISHA: Everything out of the brain. ISABELLA: I'm breaking. Okay. MARISHA: Okay, you hot potato the firework over to Toby. ISABELLA: Who has one arm. MARISHA: You have one arm. MATT: I put the knife into my, like, belt, sure. LAURA: Yeah, you have a crab belt. MARISHA: Yeah, you catch it. That's fine, that's no problem, and then you're trying to go for Nugget? ISABELLA: Yeah, I'm going to try and get Nugget out of the water. MARISHA: All right. HEIDI: We need fire, we don't have anything to light it with. MARISHA: No. ISABELLA: I could give you my cigar. MATT: There's a torch over there. LAURA: It's so cold. MATT: I'm going to go ahead. MARISHA: Hang on, wait, hang on. Nugget bamfs again. Even further. We got to get Nugget. MATT: I'm going to rush-- MARISHA: You're going for him? ISABELLA: I'm going for him. MATT: -- back towards the torch that's over there. MARISHA: Okay, make a quick check. MATT: Very slowly. MARISHA: Also make a quick check. MATT: Four. MARISHA: Is that above or below your stress? MATT: Oh, that's below my stress. LAURA: Oh no, Toby. MARISHA: So Toby, as you start to run towards the flame-- ISABELLA: Oh my gosh, I love when it blinks. MARISHA: Another-- LAURA: Oh my god. HEIDI: I put the bucket on top of Toby. ISABELLA: Oh my god. MARISHA: Make another quick check to see if you can catch him. As Toby starts to rage and wander off, make a quick check to see if you can get to Nugget. ISABELLA: Nine. MARISHA: Okay, you successfully get to Nugget. ISABELLA: Yes. HEIDI: A full one. I missed you. MARISHA: I'll say you drag Nugget out of the water. You both are right here. LAURA: (pants) Ow, ow, ow! MARISHA: You've been set-- LAURA: Kidney, MARISHA: -- back a little bit. LAURA: Kidney, bleeding, bleeding. HEIDI: Everything is falling to pieces. ISABELLA: Can I sort of cauterize it? MARISHA: And then what did you roll? HEIDI: I rolled a one. MARISHA: You break, too. HEIDI: Do I? MARISHA: Oh no, wait-- HEIDI: No, I reset. MARISHA: -- you just recently reset. You're good, you're good. But you do take a point of stress. ISABELLA: Can I cauterize Nugget with my cigar? LAURA: Bleeding, bleeding. MARISHA: Yeah, I'll allow it. ISABELLA: Okay. LAURA: Bleeding. (pants) LAURA and ISABELLA: (sizzles) HEIDI: Yeah, that sounds rough. MARISHA: Make a fierce check, Nugget. ISABELLA: The tobacco will help. No. LAURA: No. ISABELLA: Three. LAURA: Three. HEIDI: Bamf, huh? MARISHA: You bamf again. ISABELLA: Well, see you later. HEIDI: Right back into the water. TRAVIS: Nugget has gone in the biggest circle possible in this round. HEIDI: Fully. ISABELLA: Bye. HEIDI: From water to water. MATT: In my furious, rage as I was running towards the torch, when it happened, I see this massive, intense-looking armored warrior with a falchion, the one that stabbed me earlier, that I lost an arm towards. I'm going to go ahead and angrily cast my last ability, Summon Hold, to try and break its ankle. HEIDI: Oh my god, no! MARISHA: You successfully do, as this armored man with a falchion starts stepping back as he's trying to parry a blow, and you can see him readying what looks to be some sort of magical spell. As he casts it, he falls backwards. But still, two Eldritch Blasts come firing towards-- MATT: How was that pronounced again? MARISHA: Aeldritch Blaests-- MATT: There we go. MARISHA: -- come firing towards you, Sprinkle. TRAVIS: Oh sh-- LAURA: That's amazing. MARISHA: Make a quick check. HEIDI: Damn it, Sprinkle. TRAVIS: Two. MARISHA: Boof, boof! You get jettisoned into the water. HEIDI: Oh, this is turning to shit. MATT: This is going great, guys. HEIDI: This is turning horrible. LAURA: All of us are freaking out. HEIDI: Can I pick up Toby-- MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: -- and say: Remember, you're my familiar. I love you. MATT: (screams) HEIDI: You've always wanted to be a familiar. MARISHA: Roll a clever check as you hear through your rage. MATT: 10. MARISHA: Okay. You hear the words you've been needing to hear. You're someone's familiar. HEIDI: Pay attention. MARISHA: And you calm. However, Nugget is still freaking out. HEIDI: Now be a good familiar. MARISHA: Boof, boof, boof! Nugget ends up on this roof. TRAVIS: Now with Nicodranas. HEIDI: I'm now going to throw Toby to Sprinkle. I need you to be a good familiar, now that you've calmed down make sure you take your stress away. MATT: Yeah, Mistress. I'm throwing you to calm Sprinkle down. MARISHA: Do a fierce check to see how well you throw him. LAURA: Are you trying to throw him to Sprinkle? MARISHA: To Sprinkle. HEIDI: Isn't Sprinkle-- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Sprinkle-- LAURA: So Sprinkle's also panicking? MARISHA: -- you're still panicking. TRAVIS: I'm in the water. HEIDI: Sprinkle's in the water. So, I'm throwing Toby. LAURA: Oh my god. ISABELLA: You're in the water? HEIDI: See, I thought that out. MARISHA: Yeah. HEIDI: Look at me. 10. MARISHA: Great. MATT: I will say, in the process, probably dropping the firework. MARISHA: Yes, so-- MATT: As I'm being chucked. ISABELLA: Oh, right in front of me. MARISHA: Yes, literally and you're like, "Here, hold this," and then three seconds later, it's back at your feet. ISABELLA: Okay, let's do this. MARISHA: As you all look up, Thaddeus is back. He's fluffed off the water. HEIDI: I bought us some time, y'all. LAURA: Oh, he's attacking you. ISABELLA: Shut up. LAURA: Oh my god, the one eye. MARISHA: The one eye. ISABELLA: I like it a lot. Let me do it. LAURA: I love him. MARISHA: Oh, buddy. HEIDI: Oh, baby. ISABELLA: Looking weak, oh. LAURA: Hi, baby. MARISHA: He's like, "End this, please." (laughter) MATT: He did just get splashed with a lot of water. It make sense. MARISHA: He did. HEIDI: I apologize. MARISHA: As he loops around-- HEIDI: It bought us time, through. MARISHA: You are on the roof as an easy target and you can see Thaddeus coming in for another attack. LAURA: Where am I? HEIDI: You better-- MARISHA: You're still freaking out. LAURA: I know, I'm disoriented. That's my break. HEIDI: Can I throw the bucket to try-- LAURA: What's going on? HEIDI: -- and take him off course? LAURA: I'm so disoriented. MARISHA: It'll be really a really tough roll, but make a fierce check. LAURA: At least I'm not bleeding anymore. HEIDI: Hi-yah! MARISHA: It's a really high one. HEIDI: A three. MARISHA: No. HEIDI: A four. MARISHA: You take a piece of stress. TRAVIS: You're so skilled. LAURA: Help me. MARISHA: He loops down-- HEIDI: I'm sorry, I tried. MARISHA: Coming for Nugget. You're aiming it up. You light it. (hissing sound) HEIDI: There ya go. ISABELLA: (belches) (laughter) HEIDI: Did it get it, get it? MARISHA: Now, as my dad once said, you've got to be careful of these broken bottle rockets. ISABELLA: Watch out for these broken bottle rockets. They can do weird things. Marisha's dad once. MARISHA: Yep. It's a real thing he said before he lit a broken bottle rocket. And it did weird things. LAURA: Oh no. HEIDI: So happy I gave it away. So happy I threw it away. MARISHA: So roll a-- yes, don't try that at home. ISABELLA: This is what Archie looks like. MARISHA: Roll a clever check. HEIDI: Totally. HEIDI: Like someone's grandpa sitting up in the chair. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Roll a clever check. HEIDI: You got this. You have good clever. MARISHA: You try to aim with one eye as you see a moving target. HEIDI: Oh, that's going to be a high roll. ISABELLA: Seven. MARISHA: Seven? MATT: That's not too bad. HEIDI: That's like a clip or something. LAURA: Yeah, that's not terrible. HEIDI: Had to clip it. MARISHA: You're here? ISABELLA: Uh-huh. MARISHA: Archie's making a swoop this way. Or sorry, not you, you're great. Thaddeus is making a swoop this way. ISABELLA: Your character, sir. MARISHA: That's what I was looking for. You light the bottle rocket and you're trying to aim for the direction that Thaddeus is going for, which is Nugget. But broken bottle rockets do weird things So it shoots off and it takes a hard right turn and intersects point blank with Thaddeus as he's looping around. (boof) You see smoke and feathers, and a loud (quietly) pop. (laughter) ALL: (quietly) Pop. MARISHA: And a little bit of smoke trail off of his feathers, as he goes cascading down-- LAURA: Quietest-- MARISHA: -- and out of sight. LAURA: -- climax of a game ever. HEIDI: We need to get that dog down from that house. LAURA: Help, help. MARISHA: Yes. LAURA: What was that explosion? (dice bouncing) LAURA: (poof) TRAVIS: Nope. MARISHA: (poof) HEIDI: Not even on the map no more. MATT: Blinks out of the game. MARISHA: I'm going to go back to Toby, and Sprinkle, who's trying to get him out of the water and save Sprinkle. What do you do to get him out? MATT: I'm going to reach over with my one claw and grab you around the neck and say: Deep breath. And pull him under with me to the bottom, where I can then clatter across the bottom of the water, and climb up the side of the rock like crabs are wont to do and just drag you with me. TRAVIS: Brilliant. MARISHA: Make a fierce check to see if you survive this. TRAVIS: Eight. MARISHA: Yeah, that's great. You've been sucked underwater and through tunnels and up water elementals' asses before. TRAVIS: Longer durations than this. MARISHA: You all skitter past, the rest of you have a moment to make a break for the ship, if you would like. HEIDI: Can I get on the dock? Can I somehow shimmy to the dock with my bucket? MARISHA: Yeah, make a quick check. TRAVIS: Are they size of great horned owls, or bigger? HEIDI: Seven. MARISHA: Seven, yeah. As you skitter apart, skittering CLAPP, you hear from behind you-- ISABELLA: Better sleep with one eye open. TRAVIS: Opened it right when you said that. MARISHA: You hear from behind you, "Everyone get down." As (whooshing, explosion) HEIDI: I just flatten my whole body. MARISHA: From directly around you, a trail of fire goes looping directly over cross you and starts settling onto-- I should've had fire markers. I'll use these for now. I'll use these for now. This is fine. (boof, boof, boof) HEIDI: Are we surrounded by fire? HEIDI: Surrounded, no. MARISHA: As the entire dock lights on fire, you are now separated from the remaining-- who's left over here. Oh, from Nugget and Joanne. HEIDI: Everybody separated, to be honest. Most people are separated right now. MARISHA: But you do continue to move forward. I'll say you get right here, past the gangplank, dodging the fire that is now starting to consume the boat. Nugget. (die clatters) LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: Back into the ocean. LAURA: (heavy breathing) HEIDI: Someone save Nugget. MARISHA: The two of you, let's see if we can get you guys back up onto the boat. I'd say you're trying to drag him up. MATT: Yeah, I want to drag him and slam him onto the deck of the ship to knock some sense into him. MARISHA: Make a fierce check to see if you can lift. HEIDI: I can help. Am I supposed to help? MARISHA: Yeah, I'll allow you to-- HEIDI: I can lower the bucket. MARISHA: You lower the bucket. You still make the one roll, but she's going to make it easier. LAURA: The bucket's its own character. MARISHA: It is its own character. MATT: Fierce, that'll put me at six. MARISHA: Okay, it was originally at eight, but I was giving you a plus two because of the help. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: So you don't make it onto the boat but you, wham, slam Sprinkle into the bucket as you skitter onto to the boat. But Sprinkle and CLAPP are still on this gangplank. MATT: Is that person on the other side of them? Is that person going to be an issue? MARISHA: They start backing up. They have no idea that you are there. Both of you, once again, make another either quick or sly check to get out of the way. MATT: That would be Sprinkle and-- MARISHA: Oh sorry, Sprinkle and CLAPP. HEIDI: Quick or what? MARISHA: Sly. HEIDI: I'll do Sly. Four. LAURA: There's a fire wall separating you from the boat. MARISHA: So as you guys back up, this person with a crossbow-- crossbow bolt-- crossbow, fires a crossbow bolt, that's the word, and trips over you, punting you both into the water. LAURA: Oh no. HEIDI: Oh god. MARISHA: Nugget, hmm. (poofs) LAURA: Freaking out! MARISHA: What are the two of you doing? LAURA: I'm freaking out! MARISHA: We still have a freaked out Nugget and we have a Joanne. TRAVIS: And a Joanne. ISABELLA: Boof is going to boof over to the ship eventually. MARISHA: You're going to leave that shit to chance. ISABELLA: I'm going to try and get the-- Oh wait, but there's two aquatic creatures that just fell into the water, right? HEIDI: No, Sprinkle's not aquatic, but I am. ISABELLA: Oh, I'll get Sprinkle out of the water. I'll fly. Can I fly over the fire and get Sprinkle out of the water? MARISHA: Make a fierce check, as you have to dodge the flames. LAURA: Up and out. Ooh, that's nice. ISABELLA: 10. HEIDI: Oh, word, that's good. MARISHA: Easy, you come over. You cannot get, you have to get one at a time. ISABELLA: Okay. Well, I don't need to get CLAPP. MARISHA: That's true. ISABELLA: I'll just get Sprinkle. HEIDI: You don't <i>have</i> to get Sprinkle out. MATT: (laughs) If you want to. ISABELLA: You don't<i> have</i> to get Sprinkle. MARISHA: So both of you successfully make it onto the boat. LAURA: Oh, nice. Good job, guys. MARISHA: As you come tumbling down, plopping Sprinkle. MATT: The person who's up on the dock and backing into it. With my one claw, I reach back and pull the knife that I have. HEIDI: Oh god. MATT: You heard the Mistress. (whoosh) MARISHA: Are you still crazy? MATT: No. MARISHA: Oh, oh, you're throwing the knife? MATT: Yeah. ISABELLA: I thought Marisha said, "Are you so crazy?" LAURA: Are you crazy? ISABELLA: Are you so crazy as to do something? MARISHA: You're throwing at this person? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay, make a fierce check. HEIDI: Why would you do that? That one's been knocking everybody else off. ISABELLA: "Why would you do that?" MATT: It's a five. MARISHA: No. (blade spinning) (laughter) MARISHA: Misses, entirely. MATT: Shit! MARISHA: You're all here. LAURA: Where is everyone? HEIDI: I climb back onto the pier. MARISHA: Coming this way, clopping around. HEIDI: Oh, now you're over there by yourself. MARISHA: Disoriented, covered in flame-- TRAVIS: My best friend Nugget. HEIDI: Nugget is all by himself. MARISHA: Thaddeus comes creeping around the corner at you. "Well, at least I can get one!" Ah! He's coming out to you. ISABELLA: Boof. MARISHA: Boof, boof. You go behind Thaddeus. LAURA: Ooh, I'm going to run up and tackle him. I can't, I am still disoriented. MARISHA: It would be harder. What are you trying to do? LAURA: As soon as I bamf behind him, I'm going to try to leap onto his back and pin him down. MARISHA: Make a fierce check. Roll high. LAURA: I've been freaking out for awhile. MARISHA: You have. LAURA: 10. HEIDI: Oh. MARISHA: That is what you needed. You bamf backwards to Thad-- Oh, Thaddeus is right here. You jump on top of Thaddeus, have him pinned down. You're drooling. As the drools start to lick away a little bit of the singed feathers on him from where he got hit with a bottle rocket. LAURA: Thaddeus! MARISHA: (growling) LAURA: Why you got to be so mean? HEIDI: That's a good question. MARISHA: (sobs) (growls) LAURA: No, Thaddeus! I'll just lay on him and I'm going to shout to the group: Go, you guys. Get out while you can. I have a home here, it's okay. MATT: That's actually true. (laughs) MARISHA: You all hear this. CLAPP, you have a moment to finally climb up onto this. The ship starts listing away from the dock, as the chaos rages on on the rest of the boat. You all are all-- (laughs) You're all safe. HEIDI: We're on the wrong boat. MARISHA: Except minus one Nugget who has a heroic sacrifice. In the floating embrace of the people wedge. You all did it. The battle on the dock rages on with flames licking the side of the boat, as it starts to pull away from the dock. ISABELLA: Are there any humans on this boat? HEIDI: Sure. MARISHA: Suddenly you hear, "Sprinkle, what are you doing? "Get back over here." As you turn around and the rest of the Mighty Nein are on the boat with all of you. You get the idea. I'm not going to move all those minis. (laughter) MARISHA: Dock burns into a crispy little hot pocket. LAURA: I love how drunk Professor Thaddeus has become, too. TRAVIS: He had a good like-- MARISHA: You see-- LAURA: So happy. MARISHA: You see, as the boat pulls away, Nugget on the boat or on the docks. As you get further and further away, you do see what appears to be Nugget, bamfing away, and a fucked up-looking owl that staggers off and lists a little as he dips and flies off. HEIDI: Come at us, bro. MARISHA: Deep into the jungle. HEIDI: I still have another trick for you. Let's have another trick for you. He didn't want it. MARISHA: You assume Nugget is safe. With all the murder and the destruction, that's all drowned out by the sheer joy that is flooding your all's minds. This is the start of your new life and a new world. Sprinkle, you take this moment to relish the fact that you did it, you survived, before a hand grabs you around the scruff of the neck, and tosses you into the hood of their coat. "Come on, Sprinkle. "I'll bet you're just so hungries." MATT: But our biscuit. HEIDI: I was promised biscuits. Where are the espadrilles? Sorry. MARISHA: You all sail off into the night sky. Nicodranas-- LAURA: (Jester) Oh look, animals. Would you like some biscuits? MARISHA: And then Jester, who magically bamfed here through Laura Bailey. HEIDI: My bucket's empty at this point, so I just hold up the bucket. MARISHA: Just shove some biscuits to this crab and this octopus that you just assume are here because of the ocean. TRAVIS: (Fjord) That octopus has a... bucket. HEIDI: Mind your business. TRAVIS: That's... odd. MARISHA: Joanne, what are you doing? As the boat slowly starts to sail away? You stay on the boat? ISABELLA: Joanne is going to stay on the boat. HEIDI: I thought you were going to leave me. ISABELLA: Kick back, cigar and biscuit. Retire. HEIDI: Yes, yes. MARISHA: You perch-- LAURA: A pirate life for you. MARISHA: You perch up-- ISABELLA: A pirate's life for me. MARISHA: -- in the crow's nest and you lean back on the rigging. The night sky becomes brighter and brighter as the light pollution from the city slowly leaves your view. And that is where we end tonight's Familiar Problem adventure. HEIDI: Oh my goodness. MATT: What's really cool is nothing bad happens in that boat, so it's just a great retirement. HEIDI: We love that. LAURA: The Balleater definitely survived. HEIDI: We all survived. MATT: This isn't the Balleater. LAURA: It's not? MARISHA: This is The Mist, The Mistake. LAURA: Oh shit, The Mistake. MARISHA: Yeah, this is The Mistake. HEIDI: A Mistake? ISABELLA: Marisha may stand, we can't stand up. MARISHA: Where's my ending? Okay, oh, there we go. Thank you all so much for joining us for Sprinkle's Incredibly Journey. To tell your own stories with A Familiar Problem, dive in and visit darringtonpress.com/familiar. Of course, thank you so much to Archie the Owl. TRAVIS: Yeah, Archie. MATT: Archie! LAURA: He says, "Fuck off." ALL: Oh! MARISHA: You're the best. MATT: Aww. Archie, thank you. MARISHA: Thank you to the amazing animal handlers. ISABELLA: That bird's rate is better then mine. LAURA: Oh, there he is. Now he's looking at us. MATT: Hey, sweet buddy. MARISHA: Thanks, buddy. Thank you so much. LAURA: He's like-- HEIDI: Thank you, darling. MARISHA: You're the best. TRAVIS: I'm an eagle-owl, of course I'm the best. LAURA: Where's my biscuit? MARISHA: Thank you all. Thank you, Heidi N Closet, for joining us. HEIDI: Thank you. MARISHA: Thank you, Isabella Roland, for joining us. LAURA: It was so much fun to play with you guys. MARISHA: Of course. MATT: It was a blast. Thank you to our Critical Role cast and crew. HEIDI: Yeah. MARISHA: And thank you all. You should donate to some of the animal charities that we threw up in the break, if you haven't left, because animals are the coolest. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Good night and is it Thursday yet? MATT: Good night, everybody. (snapping) MARISHA: Good night, Archie.

Channel: Critical Role

Views: 761,127

Keywords: roleplaying game, ttrpg, marisha ray, laura bailey, travis willingham, isabella roland, heidi n closet, critical role, critrole, darrington, preview, actual play, overview, tabletop, tabletop game, learn, one page rpg, free rpg, free rpg day, freerpgday, exandria, taldorei, a familiar problem, grant howitt, mighty nein, mightynein

Id: dDQTNGvRH4Q

Length: 229min 6sec (13746 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 25 2022