The man, the myth, the legend. Vladimir Putin. Most people know him as an impenetrable, and
quite frankly terrifying, man. To you, he’s just your boss. Although you’ve worked with the man for
years, there’s still so much you don’t know about the President of Russia. You’ve never met his family. You’ve never really seen him cry or express
any emotions. Sometimes, you wonder if he even has emotions. Especially after that time he — Oh, never mind, that’s confidential. It’s time to get on with business as usual. You’re not with him from the minute he gets
up in the morning, but you do have a pretty good idea of what he gets up to. Before you get disappointed, no, there’s
no topless bear wrestling or vodka shots. In many ways, Putin is suspiciously boring. Most mornings he has a lie-in, finally getting
out of bed at around noon. Well, he needs his beauty sleep — have you
seen those abs? He’ll then tuck into a simple, nutritious
breakfast — his staple ingredient is cottage cheese. Often, he’ll opt for porridge or an omelet,
possibly the most vanilla breakfast options ever. But what he lacks in edginess he makes up
for in healthiness. All his food is locally produced and freshly
baked, straight from his kitchen and the land nearby. If you hadn’t guessed it already, Putin
is a pretty picky eater. Combined with his general paranoia, it makes
for a nightmare scenario whenever he goes abroad. He insists on traveling with his own Russian
cook to make sure he always knows what he’s eating, and teams of his diplomats will make
agreements with the hosts regarding catering decisions. He refuses to eat anything offered by a host
if it hasn’t been cleared by the Kremlin first. And he definitely can’t, under any circumstances,
drink milk. Picky eater or just paranoid? Maybe it’s a bit of both, but it’s hardly
surprising that Putin is worried about poisoning after some of his alleged activities abroad... Of course, he doesn’t have to cook anything
himself: he has a personal chef. But don’t get his actual cook confused with
the wealthy Russian businessman Yevgeny Prigozhin, who confusingly has the nickname “Putin’s
chef.” Prigozhin is just an ex hotdog salesman who
made a fortune off catering businesses and now meddles in all kinds of international
affairs, and he’d probably get offended if you thought he was actually still tasked
with working in the kitchen. All Putin’s ingredients come from farms
belonging to the Patriarch Kirill, the head of the Russian Orthodox Church — it helps
to have friends in high places. Instead of living in the busy and congested
city of Moscow, Putin’s home is an estate just west of the city, full of parkland and
greenery. After breakfast, he’ll have a coffee to
set him up for a long, hard day of being Russia’s hero. You might think it’s finally time to start
working at this point — after all, it’s gone one in the afternoon already. But not yet. After already lazing around and enjoying an
indulgent breakfast, Putin sets off for two hours of swimming. He certainly prioritizes his physique. Putin is something of a water baby. Whilst swimming, he remains in deep contemplation
and thinking. While doing a few lengths of breaststroke,
he’s probably making his plan for world domination and the newest foreign policy. Or maybe he just procrastinates. While Putin is enjoying his leisurely swim,
you and the other courtiers wait for him in, well, the waiting room. Sometimes, you have a bit of a gossip while
you’re safely out of earshot. You can’t help but wonder if Putin is on
his last legs. He’s been in power for more than two decades,
and his popularity is being tested like never before. Maybe that’s why he spends so much time
swimming. After three terms as president, he must be
struggling to keep up with expectations. Of course, he doesn’t talk to anyone. He hides his emotions like it’s a full-time
job. You don’t even think he actually wants to
be in charge anymore — you wonder if he’s just scared to let go in case Russia falls
apart as a result. After all, there are few people he despises
more than the so-called traitors of the country who lacked strong leadership, like Gorbachev
— the man who oversaw the fall of the Soviet Union. Even after Putin finishes swimming, it’s
still not time for him to start governing the country. Not quite yet. Instead, he heads to the gym, in a workout
outfit worth $3,500. He really cares about his physique. Quite the multi-tasker, he watches the news
while doing his exercise. There’s nothing that gets you pumped up
for a good workout quite like watching a program telling you how great you are for your country. As you might expect, he’s not much of a
cardio guy. You’ll find him lifting weights, not running
on the treadmill. Eventually, by mid-afternoon, Putin is finished
with his excessive exercise routine, and he finally gets dressed. Like most men in their sixties, he has a pretty
conservative fashion sense. He’ll normally opt for a bespoke suit and
a tie in a neutral tone. His favorite brands are Kiton and Brioni,
two companies that sell suits for thousands of dollars a-piece. At this point, you and the other courtiers
have been waiting hours for Putin to grace you with his presence. You’re not sure why he insists on you arriving
so early in the first place, but that’s just the way it is. As one of Putin’s personal courtiers, when
you’re not sat around waiting for him to arrive,
you spend the best part of the day helping him out with his daily tasks and schedule. Many people envy your proximity to him, but
it’s a stressful job and doesn’t leave you with much free time. After so many hours of prep and personal development,
Putin arrives raring to go. And he needs his energy, because the first
job is going through the briefing notes. Sexy. First, he heads over to his office and sits
at his huge, heavy, wooden desk. For extra security, the room contains no technology
and no screens. If somebody needs to communicate, it has to
be through telephone, old-school style. Now, there are three thick folders to get
through. The first one contains information from the
domestic intelligence service (the FSB), the second one has information from the foreign
intelligence service (the SVR), and the third is a report about the court, compiled by his
close protection army (the FSO). After browsing through three thick folders,
it’s time for — you guessed it — more documents. Now, some lighter reading: the press clippings
from both the heavily censored national tabloids and the less-censored broadsheets. Both are important for different reasons:
you want to control what the general public is thinking as well as the Kremlin courts. Finally, it’s the foreign press, but who
cares about that, really? They always have something horrible to say
about Putin based entirely on lies and defamation. He does, however, get some satisfaction from
reading the German news in its original German. It’s a skill he developed from working for
the KGB in Dresden in his younger years. If Putin is in a particularly good mood, he
might let you show him some satirical videos or memes from the internet. Outside of his screen-free office, of course. So, Putin, if you’re watching this: hi! After a few hours of keeping up with the press,
it’s time to proceed with the daily schedule. Like most powerful individuals, Putin follows
a tight schedule that he has little control over. His plan is divided into 15-minute blocks
that are scheduled months or years ahead. The day could consist of meetings with royalty
or leaders from other world states, or carrying out honors to the great citizens of his own
country. However, he dislikes meetings and tries to
avoid them wherever possible. Who would have guessed from watching him on
TV that he wasn’t much of a people person? Although Putin lives away from the hustle
and bustle of the big city, he can get there easily if he needs to. There’s a special route closed off and reserved
just for him so he can get to the Kremlin, Russia’s parliamentary building, in just
twenty-five minutes. Since the only two places Putin ever seems
to go are the Kremlin and the airport, it’s not particularly difficult to clear the roads
for him. However, he hates going there and will avoid
it whenever possible. Unfortunately, today there’s a meeting,
which means it’s a bad day. As soon as Putin enters the room, everyone
goes silent. Nobody looks him in the eye. He doesn’t exactly come across as the friendliest
guy in the world — he never smiles and barely talks. The bodyguards stay close by Putin’s side,
preventing anyone from getting too close — three meters at most. At least he’s well-prepared for any upcoming
pandemics. If he has to give any speeches, Putin is sure
to appear completely emotionless. He prepares everything beforehand and memorizes
it to make sure he avoids any spontaneous bursts of feeling. He normally gets you to write things, too,
to achieve the maximum emotional distance. Finally, the meeting finishes. Time to go home — but not for you. You’re back to Putin’s house, and there’s
a long evening ahead of you. Putin finds the greatest mental clarity in
the cold hours of the evening, so that’s when it’s time to do the real work. A real night owl. He summons you and the rest of the courtiers
to discuss plans. This is slightly inconvenient for you since
you’re more of a morning person, but it is what it is. In the night time, he focuses more on deep
strategy work. You would reveal the details, but they’re
far too confidential. He’s not one for a late-night swig of vodka,
despite what you might expect. In fact, he’s a complete teetotal outside
of formal receptions. Despite Russia’s reputation for being vodka-crazed,
the social issues the country has faced due to alcoholism have led many of its politicians
to ditch the booze. One of Putin’s prime traitors of the motherland,
ex-Prime Minister Boris Yeltsin, was notorious for his alcohol problems, and he’s stayed
away from the bottle as a result. Instead, Putin is more likely to spend the
time before bed cuddling up with his babies — his dogs. Children? What children? Nobody ever talks about them — Putin has
two adult daughters, but they stay under the radar and nobody is sure if he spends much
time with them. However, we know plenty about his dogs. He owns a labrador named Konni, an Akita Inu
named Yume, and a Karakachan dog named Buffy. In case you don’t know what those breeds
are, they’re very big and fluffy. Once, Yume caused an incident in a political
meeting by barking at a Japanese journalist. But, instead of punishing his naughty dog,
Putin gave her a treat! He says he finds it endearing his dogs aren’t
afraid of him. There are also some rumors that Putin likes
to read, perhaps history books or fiction, but Putin doesn’t like to be seen as an
intellectual reader. Despite preferring his reputation as a strong
man, Putin is actually an extremely intelligent guy who came from an ordinary family, achieved
near-perfect grades and rose to the top of his field. But eventually, although sleep is for the
weak, even Putin has to head off for bed. As he lies there waiting to drift off, he
might think about his military strategy, or perhaps his upcoming weekend plans. He sometimes goes to Church to pray. Whilst he has emphasized that he isn’t necessarily
a devout Christian, that hasn’t stopped him from saying same-sex marriage is on a
par with Satan. Putin also enjoys studying English — he’s
already fluent in German but still perfecting his English — and playing ice hockey. If they’re really lucky, figures high up
in an oligarchic society might be honored to attend one of Putin’s regular ice hockey
games. As a lowly courtier, you’ve never had that
honor. Putin sleeps alone. He was once married for thirty years, but
divorced his wife Lyudmila back in 2013. Allegedly, they split up after an argument
during the interval of a ballet show, but you’re too scared to ask about the details. It seems like he’s a single pringle and
eligible bachelor. Some lady out there must be very lucky. As he drifts into slumber, maybe he dreams
about crowds of Russians clapping for him and millions of adoring eyes. Or maybe he has nightmares about an American
election he doesn’t meddle in. If you’re mad about the Russians, check
out our videos about how Russia can launch missiles from beyond the grave and whether
the United States or Russia has the deadliest missiles.
