(duck phone quacks) - Thank you for calling
the Jersey Shore Store. We are unable to come to
the phone at this time, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you, bye. (presses phone button) (duck phone quacks) - [Snooki] (beep) is that thing quacking. That's really weird. (duck phone quacks) Quack, quack, quack. Like shut the (beep) up. What kind of a person gets
a duck phone to talk on? (dial tone sounds)
(dials number) (phone rings)
- [Nicole's Dad] Hello? - Hi, it's me.
(dial tone sounds) Hello? (dials phone number)
Hello? - [Nicole's Dad] Hi, I'm sorry we got disconnected.
- Daddy? - [Nicole's Dad] Yeah.
(phone beeping) - Hold on. Hi. - [Man On Phone] Who is this?
- Nicole. - [Man On Phone] Who the (beep) is this? - It's Nicole! - [Man On Phone] Uh, no it's not. (dial tone) - Hello? What's wrong with this stupid (beep)? Hello?
- [Man On Phone] Hi, is Jenni there?
- Who? - [Man On Phone] Jenni?
- Hold on. (phone quacks) (gasps) Why is it quacking? Waah! (laughs) (phone quacks) That's really weird. (phone quacks)
Oh my God. Hello? - [Man On Phone] Hi. - All right, who are
you looking for again? - [Man On Phone] Jenni. - Who is this? - [Man On Phone] Her boyfriend. - Can you hold on still? - [Man On Phone] Yeah.
- All right. - [Man On Phone] Is it
gonna hang up again? - No, I'm not gonna hang up. - [Man On Phone] Yup, no problem. - All right. Where is everyone?
(dial tone sounds) - [Deena] Never fall in love in Miami.
(phone rings) You want it? (phone rings) (Snooki laughs)
- [Deena] I wanna go to bed. Do you want it? - Hello. - [Emilio On Phone] I
wanna talk to Nicole. - I am Nicole-
- [Deena] Hang it up. - and I don't wanna talk to you.
- [Emilio] Nicole, I wanna talk to you! - No, do you know what you said to me? You (beep) up. - [Emilio] Nicole, are you listening? Nicole. - I'm listening, stupid ass. - [Emilio] All right, Nicole. I (beep) this girl tonight, I'm sorry. - Are you serious? - [Emilio] I'm being ser- I'm being honest with you, all right? I (beep) up, I was drunk, and this girl (beep) me tonight. - Are you serious? - [Emilio] Nicole, I'm
trying to be honest with you. - He just said he (beep) a girl tonight. - [Emilio] Nicole. - You (beep) a girl? - [Emilio] I (beep) up tonight. - [Deena] Tell him that you have to go. - Don't ever call me again. - [Emilio] I'm just
kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding-
- No, go (beep yourself). Go (beep) yourself! Why would you ever kid about that? Go (beep) you! Go (beep) yourself! I hope you (beep) die. - [Emilio] (laughs) No-
(phone slams) - Oh my God. - [Deena] Why would he (beep) just say that?
- Oh my God, dude. (Snooki screams) - All right, I gotta go (beep). - That's nice. - [Snooki] Actually, I
don't really need to poop. I have something else up my sleeve. Oh my goodness, oh my
goodness, oh my goodness. I feel like we need to bring
a little Jersey to Miami. So I'm like, "Danny, "bitch, we're raiding your shorehouse." (gasps) Aah! Do you remember me? My little baby. Eew, it's probably dirty. (gags) Do you remember our times together? You were such an ass
(beep), now I love you. - You guys are gonna die, are you ready? - Why? - I stole something from the shorehouse. You ready? - What?
(Snooki quacks) - Oh my God!
- Stop. (Snooki screams) Hi guys, I'd like to order a cab. - Yeah! - Danny's gonna kill us,
but it's (beep) awesome. We're gonna have the duck phone in Miami. (Snooki quacks) Duck phone is like our pet. - Guys, come in the girls' room! We have surprises! We mades this. - [Vinny] Oh, sick!
- [Pauly D] Oh! That's so cool! - And then Nicole decided
to steal something from the house.
- 'Cause I'm a criminal. - [Deena] Yup.
- Facts. - Why don't you show them? (everyone cheers) (everyone quacks) - You cannot have a Jersey Shore house without the duck phone. - Did you miss him? - I did. I'm just relieved that
Nicole's not the only one in the house with duck phone lips. (Snooki quacks) (phone quacks) - Hello? - [Woman On Phone] My name is Connie. - Ron's mom? - [Connie] Hi. He's not here right now. Do you want me to tell
him that you called? - [Connie] Yeah.
- Okay, absolutely. - [Connie] I love you. - What? Hello? - [Connie] Yeah, I'm here.
- Oh, okay. - [Connie] I'm tan. I am tan. - (giggles) That's awesome. - [Connie] So tan
(Deena coughs) I look Indian. - You look Indian? - [Connie] Yup. - Aw, man. I'm just like, what the hell? Um, I don't, hey, hold on one second. Really weird.
- [JWoww] Hello? - [Connie] Who's this?
- Jenni. - [Connie] Hey, Jen. - [JWoww] Hey, what's goin' on? - [Connie] I dunno, J. He's breakin' my heart. - Oh, I'm sorry, you know- - [Connie] He (beep) up in Miami. - I-
- [Connie] He (beep) up in Miami, come on JWoww. You know that.
- [JWoww] I know. Ronnie's mom calls, extremely intoxicated, and she's going on and on and on about the Ron and Sam drama. And I'm just like, can
I get off the phone now? - [Connie] It was either
that or just be like, bitch (beep) (mumbles) - Mike! - Yeah? - It's Ronnie's mom. - And she wants to talk to me? - Yeah, she wants to talk to somebody. - Who's that, Ron's mom?
- Yeah. Mike wants to talk to you. - Ron's mom, she's a real sweetheart. Seemed like she wanted
to talk to somebody. Unfortunately, there
is no classic spin move to get out of this one. - [Connie] I don't know, Mike. What are we gonna do? - I don't know, I mean-
- [Connie] But they love each other, but- - No, that's the truth. If it wouldn't be for my my mother, too. - [Connie] And enough is enough. - One of my friends, you know, came up to me and, you know, was like, that he was supposed to hang
out with Sam or something. I got into a huge fight
with Sam and I told him, "Listen, you got caught and
I caught you personally." But it comes to the point
where I pretty much told Sam, "Listen, I'm stickin' up for Ronnie, "and I don't like you."
(laughs) - [Connie] But he doesn't even understand. - Anyways, I will have
Ronnie call you back. - [Connie] All right.
- Bye, sweetheart. (hangs up phone) (exhales) Wow. Ronnie's mom's gangster. (phone quacks) - This is them. Watch, they're not coming.
- No, no, no, that's Danielle. Um. - I'm not answering it.
- Yeah, not even answer it. - What if it's them? - Answer it and just be like, say you're Mike. - I'm Mike? - [Pauly D] I'm not here. - Hello? - [Woman On Phone] Hi, can I
speak to Pauly please, Mike? - Uh, yo, Mike's not here.
(laughs quietly) - [Woman On Phone] Mike, this is Mike. Hello?
- [Vinny] Yo, yeah, hello? - [Woman On Phone]
Yeah, who's this? Vinny? - [Vinny] Nah, it's Mike. - [Woman On Phone] Mike,
can I speak to Pauly please? - Uh, he's not here right now. He went to a, um, yeah, he went to the boardwalk. He went to the boardwalk, um. Mike's impression goes a
little something like this. Yo, what up, my main at home. Yo, da house is cool and
everything is copastetic and I'm just goin' with
the flow and (beep). Yo, who dis? - [Woman On Phone] It's Danielle. - All right, yo Jenni! Yo, you know when Pauly's comin' back? - [Danielle] No, it's all good. It's fine, thank you. - Eh yo, Danielle, you want me to take a message? - [Danielle] No, it's good. - You sure, you sure? - [Danielle] Yeah, it's all good, bye. - All right, bye bye. Aight, kid, so I'll talk to you later. Peace. - Yo, that was perfect. (Vinny laughs)
- You sounded just like him. (phone quacks) (suspenseful music) - Hello? - [Woman On Phone] Michael? - Yes.
- [Woman On phone] Danielle. Is he there?
- Yeah (laughs). Yo, you wanna take the call? - [Pauly] Who is it?
- [Mike] Danielle. (Sammi gasps)
- [Sammi And Vinny] Yes! - [Sammi] Yes, yes, yes- - [Vinny] Yeah, let me get some popcorn. Hold on.
(Sammi laughs) - This Danielle chick is making me crazy. I just met the girl and she
already stalks my whole life. What's up? - [Danielle] I don't know what's
wrong with you, seriously. But if there's one thing that
you should know about me- - [Pauly] Mm-hmm. - [Danielle] I don't like to be played. - [Pauly] You don't like to be played? Okay.
- [Danielle] I feel stupid. - Okay.
- [Danielle] I kissed you in the club, I kissed you here, I kissed you on the boardwalk, then you go out with three other girls. And then I am walking by and I see you on the deck
with like three girls? - Is it my turn to talk yet? - [Danielle] Wait! - Okay. - [Danielle] (beep) what you
did yesterday is (beep) up. - Okay, my turn?
- [Danielle] If you're not gonna call, then don't
say you're gonna call. If that's you, 'cause I
thought you were somebody else. - [Pauly] Is it my turn yet? - [Danielle] Just wait! - [Pauly] Okay. - [Danielle] I'm not stupid. - Okay. - [Danielle] If you're that
guy, then we don't need this. Just go do your thing, go with all the little girls. Do what you need to do and that's it. Now it's your turn. - Okay, so you stalked my whole life on the boardwalk. - [Danielle] (screams) I didn't (beep) you, I don't-
- And then, when I got home, I had every intention of calling you, but you had already called and you said you wasn't gonna call. So you stalked my whole
life on the boardwalk. It's my turn to talk. It's my turn to talk. You stalked my whole entire life, right? And I don't like that. I do nothing wrong, and
you know how I feel about, I'm talkin' now. You know how I felt about you. You just have no trust whatsoever, so you thought I was
creepin' with those chicks, which I wasn't. I went on Wood Ride, God bless me, it's (beep) summer. Yes, I was upstairs on a balcony with three chicks and three dudes. Did I do anything? No, all we did was had a
conversation, that's it. All those girls have boyfriends. If you weren't such a (beep) stalker, I would've called you when I got home. Instead-
- [Danielle] I am not a stalker-
- Yes you are, it's crazy. I can't deal with that. - [Danielle] I'm not a
stalker and I'm not crazy. I don't wanna look stupid. - You don't wanna look stupid? Don't you think that
makes you look stupid? You're like, "I'm not callin'." You called like a hundred times. - [Danielle] I didn't
call a hundred times. - How many times did you call? We took the phone off the hook last night. All I wanted to do was
call you when I got home so we could hang out. You wouldn't let that happen. You were so worried of
how you're gonna look because people see me
walking with three girls and, "Oh my God, I don't wanna look stupid." Well, now look how stupid you look.
- [Danielle] What did people tell you about me, on the-
(Pauly hangs up phone) - (laughs) Yeah, Pauly! - Danielle's definitely
outta the picture now. I think she got the point. I mean, I hung up on her. Danielle is not looking for like a hookup. She's looking for a husband. And uh, I'm not ready for that. (phone rings) - Angelina, phone. - Hello?
- [Man On Phone] Can I speak to Angelina? Hi. - [Mike] (laughs) It's incredible. - Angelina is on the phone all (beep) day. Angelina is on the phone. The phone's ringing, it's for Angelina.
(phone rings) - Hello?
- [Woman On Phone] Can I speak to Angelina, please?
(phone rings) - Hello?
- [Woman On Phone] Hi, can I speak to Angelina, please? (phone rings) - Situation speaking. - [Man 2 on Phone] Hi, is
Angelina available, please? - For Angelina. (Vinny laughs)
- Hold on. - I mean, enough's enough
with this frickin' phone. (phone rings)
- Angelina. - Hello? - This cannot be for you.
- Hi. - I need to use the phone right now. - All right. - Angelina is on the phone, talkin' 24-7. - I'll call you in a little bit, bye. - Like, you know, if you wanna be here, interact with everybody. But, not like I want her to. Hello? - [Angelina's Friend] Hello? - Who's this? - [Angelina's Friend] Can I
speak to Angelina, please? - No, she died. - [Angelina's Friend] She-
(Snooki hangs up phone) (phone rings)
- I got no strength to (beep) fight with people. I'm not here to fight. I just wanna have fun, party. (phone rings) - [Snooki] Who the (beep) is calling? (phone rings) - Hello? - [Angelina's Friend] Angelina died? - Who is this? - [Angelina's Friend] How'd it happen? - I didn't die, (beep). (phone quacks) - Don't answer that phone call. He's annoying. - Thank you for calling
the Jersey Shore Store. We are unable to come to
the phone at this time, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you, bye. (hits phone button) - [Man On Phone] Hey Nicole, it's Jeff. Look, I don't know why you're
getting all pissed at me. We were fine all day. I'm really sorry. I apologize, all right- - For Snooki, press one. For Jenni, press two.
(hits phone button) For Deena, press four. - Dude pressed two, you can tell. He wanted to talk to Snooki. Idiot, guy's a moron. The Jersey Shore customer
you're trying to reach (robotic voice) Deena, cannot come to the phone at this time. But if you leave your name, number, and a brief message after the tone, her ass will get back to you. Thank you, goodbye. (hangs up phone)
That was dope, yo! (everyone laughs) (phone quacks) Yeah, Three Brothers Pizza?
