6 month later...divorcing my husband was a HUGE mistake.

six months later divorcing my husband was a huge mistake this one is long but worth it for everyone if i could give anyone a piece of advice for divorce it would be to not do it under normal circumstances if your spouse is beating you or threatening you or your children then of course get out and fast in my case there was no abuse we were together for eight years that was mostly good and we have four kids right around five years i got a promotion at work and i got it in my head that my xh was dragging me down or at least holding me back from more success and a better life we never had a lot of money but with my promotion i was now making more than he was i started working longer hours and at the same time his hours were cut so he was at home more i really began to resent him because he was home and because he got to spend time with our kids most nights when i got home they were already getting ready for bed if not already sleeping after a few months of my new job it was clear to me that things were not going well at home without me there some nights the dishes weren't done when i got home where the kids hadn't eaten or whatever else i could think of to be mad at him about it really didn't matter he kept saying that he would try harder but that it was hard being home all the time that always made me really mad for the next couple years things kept getting worse my hours weren't any shorter and his were on and off full-time there was no convenient time for him to be working full-time because of my hours but we also needed the money whenever he would tell me that he could get extra hours i would always complain and the less hours he worked the more i complained that he wasn't bringing in enough money whenever he brought up the contradiction i would tell him that he needed to figure it out i knew that it would bother him so i started saying that a lot and for everything that i could i really started to resent him and i pulled away from him i knew that it was hurting him but i didn't care if he didn't want to be hurt then he would at least try to make me happy i used that same thing to justify when i started to talk to another guy at work i thought he was just a friend but talking at work turned into texting at home and then pictures and videos and then trying to sneak some alone time with him i knew that it was wrong but it made me feel so alive and my husband had not made me feel like that in years i was tired of being unhappy and i was doing this for me the worst was the night that i came home at a reasonable time and found that he had cleaned the whole house cooked the whole family dinner and picked out a movie for all of us to watch together this would have made me swoon a couple years earlier but that night i couldn't even look at him and i pretended to be sick i spent the rest of the night in bed while he waited on me and checked on me and even made me different food and brought it to me in bed it made me feel terrible and then it made me angry that he made me feel that way and by the end of the night i was texting with the other guy over the next month or two from that night it did not matter what he did he was wrong just for breathing most days he would get so upset with how i was treating him and i would just wait and egg him on into losing it because i knew it would happen eventually after most of the fights we had he would apologize for whatever i told him he did wrong if there even was something but i never did i would usually find a way to make him feel even worse i knew that i was right because he was wrong and that was all that mattered to me i even pretended that i didn't care when he found out about my relationship with the guy from work it really destroyed me inside to see him holding back tears but i wasn't going to let him see that he was at his weakest and that was when i chose to tell him that i wanted a divorce i could almost hear his heart shattering inside his chest he talked and fought and said that we could work through it together i really wasn't interested in fixing our marriage but i mostly ended things with the other guy but only because i knew i could get it back if i wanted it i could see that he was trying and occasionally i would let him know but for the most part i kept being a huge be to him for any and all reasons that i could think of i'm not sure how much more the man could have done to make me happy besides finding a job that paid enough for me to not have to work at all he said that he was looking but looking and finding are two different things it was around this time that i discovered this group and a few others i started posting things about him from my perspective only and i got so much positive feedback for how i was feeling that i knew i was right the more i posted the more validation that i got it wasn't just me who knew that xh wasn't worth keeping around i had the whole internet telling me how terrible he is i started saying awful things to him and even outright ignoring him i was so confident with mine and everyone else's opinion that i contacted a lawyer and within a couple weeks had filed for divorce i continued to use this site and a couple others to validate my feelings and for encouragement to go through with it and finally it was done it went pretty smoothly xh didn't ask for much besides to not get divorced and to try to work it all out i didn't care about that though he was broken but i was free i could do whatever i wanted without having to feel any guilt or answer to anybody it was an amazing feeling of freedom it didn't last long though in the first month after he moved out i missed garbage day three times there was also rarely a single clean dish and the laundry sat in pile so long that i had to start doing the sniff test to see if it could be worn again i also never saw my kids more miserable my oldest had seen some of the messages from the other guy months earlier and she knew that xh still wanted to try to work it out it didn't take her long to stop talking to me at all except to say that she wanted to go to xh house the others all told me that they wanted to leave with xh2 i did my best to try to make them happy but i ended up just buying them toys all the time and the happiness only lasted minutes i also was having a lot of trouble with work being alone i couldn't work all those extra hours that i was expected to i finally gave in and starting calling xh to watch the kids he would always come over as soon as he could and he always asked me if i needed anything when i would get home i would find clean dishes and laundry and even dinner sometimes he would never say too much after i got home he would just say to call him if i needed anything and leave one night he took out the garbage and brought it to the curb because it was garbage night and i forgot again he always looked so sad when it was time to go finally after a couple months my friends convinced me to go out on a date it was for dinner and a movie and i was excited and hopeful but at dinner i started getting a feeling of overwhelming guilt it got so bad that i ended up not even going to the movie a week and about a million tears later i was on a therapist's couch i told her everything that had happened starting with the promotion that i got at work she did not agree with me or with any of the encouragement to divorce that i got i ended up in her office too and sometimes three times a week and the more that i talked to prove that i was right the more that i started to see how wrong i was it was truly heartbreaking i don't know if i cried as much in my whole life as i did in the first month in her office after about two thousand dollars of therapy sessions i learned that my ex h had his faults but i figured out that mine were so much worse i did so many awful things and said awful things that i wouldn't want to be with me but he did i still remember him asking me in the meeting with a lawyer to please not go through with it i did go through with it though and then later i bragged on here how great it felt i was so wrong and now i can see it a couple weeks ago i went outside with him when he was leaving the house i asked him about getting back together when he looked at me his eyes were full of tears and a couple went down his cheeks he told me that he didn't know if he could he said that the pain has been too much for too long and that if we got back together that i might just turn around and do it to him again he said that he always thought that i would realize how much he loved me and stop up until i signed the divorce papers and let out a big over-exaggerated sigh of relief he said that hurt him more than anything else and that he doesn't know if he can ever trust me again i don't blame him i destroyed a man who looking back was a great husband i deprived my kids of having a great father in the house with them and i took his kids away from him and me the one who pushed for the divorce expecting happiness and a life of freedom spend all my free time sitting at home or sitting on a therapist's couch please don't just take the advice of anyone about getting a divorce if your marriage is bad look at yourself first and see if you can make changes this is advice for men and women getting divorced is not fun being divorced is not fun and seeing your husband broken in your children never happy because of your actions is the most painful experience that i can imagine i wish all of you well and hope that you will give your marriages a second chance to op my ex-wife could have written this post so i feel like i may have an idea how your soon-to-be ex-husband feels a year after the divorce my ex-wife came to visit the kids and begged for me to talk to her as i was nc on any topic not about the kids she lamented her cheating her cruelty her constant fault-finding but mostly she said she missed my friendship and could we please try again oh how i longed to hear those words i would have paid any price made any promise done anything to try again but for the divorce she was so happy hitting me over the head with it and how happy she was going to be without me in her life it broke me my heart and my soul my self-worth were tied up in our marriage and she destroyed all of it i couldn't possibly go back to her i had escaped a prisoner of war camp never to return dear op you are asking your ex-husband to return to apow camp with only the weakest promise god the commandant won't torture and cruelly abused in this time it is too big of a risk for him to take this sounds like some fantasy thought i have about my wife and her realization post-divorce that she made the wrong choice i don't expect it to ever happen and even if i somehow got her to read this she'd just say that's nice i won't ever feel the way i should about you again sorry she has told me numerous times that she thinks i am a great husband as do or friends and a wonderful father but we've grown apart and she doesn't feel for me like that anymore and won again she says there is no one else now and there is no motivation or reason to think otherwise no fault state life isn't always greener but you can't force someone to see that i wouldn't take you back it's hard to say but my wife had a quick turnaround after five months of wanting divorce after some household catastrophe and things were the best they've been in years then two months later got more distant and was back on divorce train after thinking cohabitation might be possible we're now realizing that we need to figure out how to afford two households and go on i don't want it i think she's having a mid-life crisis after being a stay-at-home mom for a decade and then getting back into the workforce none of what i think matters she is not happy and blames me whatever childhood dreams she hasn't accomplished are because i've held her back despite working multiple jobs so she could be a stay-at-home mom sometimes life serves up a [ __ ] sandwich and you either starve and die or take a bite it leaves a bad taste but eventually you get over it i'm mid chew right now and if she signed the papers and came back at me i'd tell her to enjoy her own [ __ ] sandwich i'm full i am going through the final steps in separating trying to have two households while still paying private school tuition seemed impossible then eldest decided she wants to finish out high school at the public school to which we are zoned and it is an excellent school eldest says she wants a larger social circle i was not in favor but saving the private school tuition for her is a game changer second then soon to be ex-wife's parents decide to help stbxw substantial inherited wealth so we are finally moving forward but here's my real point what is it about women wanting a divorce because they are not happy i have handled several thousand divorce cases i have never heard a male client say to me he needs a divorce because he is not happy maybe men get unhappy and cope in some way drinking friends being miserable gambling working more working less while women get unhappy and start looking for the happiness they don't have from another source i love my wife i am still incredibly attracted to her with our kids and lives i always consider the grand things i wanted to do and life on hold while we'd provide for and raise our kids she viewed all of the grand things that she wanted to accomplish as gone with me holding her back i don't know i wish it had all been addressed before it passed the point of no return perspective from the other side i was in your husband's situation i was a good husband i didn't make a lot of money then and we couldn't afford the house she wanted because she changed jobs and make significantly less to be closer to home and our kids so she divorced me thinking she could somehow afford it herself i will never get married again i can't even stomach a relationship anymore for that matter i don't hate women but after the way my ex treated me during the divorce and the animosity she still shows me three years later i can't even fathom letting her or even the chance of going through that back into my life anymore the few times i have my kids i can see the negative impact that the divorce continues to cause in them my oldest is less social and more awkward than he should be my girls act infantile and like children two three years their junior it breaks my heart the best thing you can do is to let him go and hope that he can find some sort of new normal and happiness for himself if you care for him at all you actually sound a lot like my ex-wife mine used divorce to try and manipulate me to get what she wanted she filed divorce twice on me then dropped the case both times when i agreed to what she wanted neither time it was about our relationship both times it was about my job and hours i was working finally the third time i filed for divorce and went through with it that was four years ago she still text me frequently telling me that she would come back in a heartbeat if i let her i won't let her here's my thoughts for you good for you for realizing your role in this learn from it don't let yourself get that way again in the future if he's made clear that he doesn't want to get back together don't keep bugging him too i can tell you from experience there's absolutely nothing more awkward than to keep getting propositions from someone that you've emotionally cut as many ties from as you can don't use sex to try and get him back either when i previously said there is nothing more awkward than to keep getting propositions to get back together i was wrong there is one thing far more awkward to get sexual propositions in an attempt to be let back in don't bring the kids into it don't do things like telling the kids that you still love him and want him to take you back this is emotionally scarring to them and will make them resent their dad for something that isn't his fault this just brings them into the middle of it my ex-wife does this to the point where my youngest son comes home and tells me that mommy still loves me and wants me to let her come back but i won't let her it's about to the point where i'm considering talking to my lawyer to see what my options are because she won't stop doing it don't be this person do be honest with your kids don't lie to them give them the truth but at a level where they are emotionally able to understand don't tell them the gritty details like you cheated on him but do tell them that you had made mistakes that hurt the relationship kids are smart lying to them will cause much more resentment in the long run than being open and honest with them good luck in the future i hope you're able to learn from your mistakes and find happiness there are many similarities between my stbx and yourself we had our issues but we were never abusive and always had love in our home and we were tight but then she started spending more time on fb she's had some narcissist issues with her family and joined all these fb groups to help her understand them within a few years she was convinced that everyone that disagreed with her was a narcissist me our neighbors her family my family she had scratched me on the arm one day she had started to get physical in her attacks i was very upset at this as she had done it in front of our kids and i yelled at her to shut up and leave me alone turns out she had twisted this into a story of me being verbally abusive and shared it with her fb group to which she received universal and unconditional support and complete encouragement to get out while she can a mutual friend was sending me screenshots of her posts and it broke my heart so i let it happen i let her go with the flow and momentum she had with the fb support and whatever delusion she was following within two weeks she had gone to the beach with some guy she knew on fb she had gotten on tinder too but now she regrets it and has been dropping hints at getting back together and like your husband i can't do it we were together 21 years and have two kids 11 and 17. i helped her through finishing her education i helped her with her depression i helped her with her alcoholism and i got nothing out of it i thought at the end of the road we'd be happy and leave happily ever after my greatest sadness is spending the prime of my life with an ungrateful spoiled woman like your husband i'm a fool for trying so hard for as long as i did i'd deserve the gold medal for stupid if i accepted her back i don't believe that people ever really change they only regret it when things don't go their way [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit regrets, reddit relationships regrets, reddit regret breakup, reddit regret, reddit regret stories, regret stories reddit, reddit stories regret, r/regrets, reddit divorce stories, reddit divorce revenge, reddit divorced, reddit divorce lawyer stories, nasty divorce reddit, reddit marriage stories, marriage, divorce, break ups, regrets, cheating, wife, reddit cheating, r/divorce, reddit divorce, break ups videos, breakup compilations, infidelity in marriage, confessions

Id: fz8B_8QvBJA

Length: 18min 34sec (1114 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020