50 Unforgettable Reddit Posts, NIBBA[ASKREDDIT]

[Music] 50 unforgettable reddit posts well according to reddit number 50 the intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes for those who aren't aware during the EA nightmare that was them establishing loot boxes as the primary way of unlocking things and the new Star Wars Battlefront 2 game they made a comment on reddit trying to explain why it was at the focal point of that game and it then became the most downvoted comment in reddit history which is interesting so that's the [Music] oh my god a sense of a pride and accomplishment but accomplished women and accomplished children - mm-hmm come on now all right number 49 fam the one where everyone told their darkest secrets tens of thousands of [ __ ] up comments read them all oh my god I'm not reading all of these because this this has the stinks of like clip show the reddit thread that I'm reading tonight but uh but we'll see we'll see just how many of these and this is only from five years ago so it's probably the comm box one isn't it yep also my comm box we're not getting into that I've covered that enough but let's just go through a couple of these in case people are curious it's kind of like a reddit sampler jeez sorry as we roll up and read the thread title it says throw away time what's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out the top post says I once helped out my female friends family by taking care of their cat for a week every day for a week I would I would go over there and snoop around their house I found my friend's diary and proceeded to read the entire thing I used this information to get her to like me and she is currently my wife well well isn't that love the specific type of manipulation that gets a girl to do what you won't he new girl you gonna take off your top and she all like knowing I'll take off my top guy get out of here and then you let her know hey you know good you getting good you can good you getting good you can good you can good you're getting good you're getting as you go well in that case I never do I once took a [ __ ] in the bathtub and then realizing what a horrible mistake I'd made I flung the poo into a hole in the wall I flung the poo into a hare Indira hurt her my parents renovated and patched up the hole so now there is a around 15 year old turd in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home not even using a throwaway because I have no shame I have no shame a lot of the hotlines being posted here depression suicide lifeline Trevor Project sexual support sexuality support like you just woke up looked in the mirror was like I don't feel like a man anymore I don't feel like a woman anymore I know I got a dick and balls just swinging between my legs but I just feel so I feel like a woman hear me roar as we roll down to number four which has been deleted we just sit there and go gang number five well it's more of a secret to my friends that I've made recently some background first mmm-hmm I don't like being touched or hugged and I'm incredibly uncomfortable with intimacy in general General Mills when I was in the eighth grade a bunch of girls in my class convinced me that they had a friend who fancied me they said that she had seen me somewhere and thought I was cute faked an MSN account and they talked to me every night for a few months invited me out to movies and obviously didn't show up they revealed the whole grade hmm I'm sorry they revealed to the whole grade that I had been tricked into having an imaginary girlfriend I was mocked and viciously by everyone in the grade and Eve ever since then I can't really trust women I also can't believe that the girl may have feelings for me or any girl may have feelings for me even when they explicitly tell me that they have feelings for me I can help but feel that they're trying to trick me it's caused a lot of insecurity and I can't get attached to people easily I'm terribly afraid to text or text message you can't just keep adding words places sit people first because I'm convinced I would be annoying them what's worse is that when I think about it I know it probably isn't true but I can't help but feel like even through grade eight or even though it was grade a goddamn it was Joe around the time when attraction to women was starting to get real so to be hurt at a time as delicate as that really didn't go well with me the secret of course is that I had been dumb enough to be tricked as you might suspect the whole thing has left me afraid of being vulnerable to have this found out by my newer friends in university it would put me in a really uncomfortable for lace I probably wouldn't be able to be their friend anymore it ain't that big a deal [ __ ] everybody has really stupid [ __ ] happen to them when they young especially if it's not their fault like get over yourself if they find out they won't like me if they find out some things some things in your past are only as big a deal as you make it to some of the new people in your life you feel me if your people in your life find out about your past [ __ ] yeah they may think one way or another pass a small judgement let's call these micro judgments you know what I mean because people can't help themselves but if they find out hmm if they find out that you stress and over them finding out that's probably a bigger deal then uh then them finding out the actual thing then if they find out that you are so scared and bothered and like oh my god this thing I did the [ __ ] out of here oh my god if you find a staircase in the woods don't climb it this is a link to the stairs and the woods I can be like and believe that you know why you know I can believe that because God yell stairs in the Bluebirds yeah I read that go read my stairs in the woods bow I wasn't sure world oh my god to him but turn it down before you listen to it okay cuz that was loud you know I'm talking about it's lovely to Syria and Linda Emmy in the stream just being supportive and you'll be doing the world for her ham day well what a ham say hams all like wow incorrectly assumed that there would be a previous like post but it says good to know good to hear that Emmy my sister has anxiety and she's struggling at the moment I feel a bit helpless at the moment because I don't understand I don't understand stripe says did you finish reading it though Kyle yes I did there's like a billion parts of this crap eight videos and you already know that I [ __ ] hated it halfway through like I hate everything because everything's so cheap right but there it is I really hope this list doesn't turned into been there done that on every entry so number 47 the one where a girl wanted to see someone [ __ ] a giant gummy bear and then one guy uploaded his video I remember that dude this dude [ __ ] of gummy bear this dude [ __ ] a gummy bear and boy is it not even worth watching I actually remember people in the stream begging me for that link I remember people in the stream chat begging me for that link and you people if any of you remain should be ashamed of yourself what the [ __ ] you tryin to watch somebody [ __ ] a link to that said Michael Davis you don't want it dude it's just a man putting himself into a gummy bear that's that's big enough we're moving on you call [ __ ] this [ __ ] happened what is this a link to you think this is a Rick roll you think we gonna open it up in a separate video strangers dude no dude it's a it's a man who is a stranger to love he who doesn't know the rules even though we trying to teach him you know what I mean a full commitment is what he needs he don't need to be thinking about it cuz he don't know he don't know the game but he's still gonna play it and the game is the gummy bear and how he places with his penis he puts it in there we're not doing this all right Kelsey Lovato said live stream a game why why haven't you been able to these happen at the same time every night you guys are a conundrum to me you guys are a mystery to me you know what I mean guys we hit 50 likes on this video I will send you any link that you want just sayin [Music] so look number 46 this post actually made it to the front page using a photoshopped picture of me without my knowledge huh the post says my mom left my dad and family for a total [ __ ] named Brad Thanksgiving this year is at my mom and Brad's new place and I will be wearing this it's my dad I'm surprised you actually have the the restraint I like to think if uh if my mom got now with some [ __ ] you know what I mean some Irish hurt her and left mine and left my my gangster dad you know I wouldn't be going to their new place for no pussy-ass Thanksgiving I would send a card and that would be that a digital card eg card digital cards um shut up Kyle so the guy goes on to say I made this post as a response with the original picture someone says someone photoshopped this picture of me and put it on our funny no that was not my dad and I'm not a petty [ __ ] at least this time wow that's interesting so someone made that whole story up for Carmody - photo shop some dudes face onto somebody's shirt because people will do anything for karma which is impressive [Music] forgive me I don't mean to hit you guys with the dark side Phil snorts all the time anyway so that post was made this person married a response to that original picture it was an interesting day with friends asking me if the guy in the post was me but at least I had some brief internet fame okay number 45 the guy who sold his house but continued living in a secret bunker underneath it that was fantastic and for people who aren't aware dude some dude literally got away with selling his house and living like I think I think like somewhere in the backyard underneath the ground for for ages dude he got away with living down there for ages for ages we gotta find the post because I'm willing to read it again here it is and I'm here we go okay here it is here we go throw away time what's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out by the way ladies and gentlemen this is the same post that we were just linked to earlier in this very list this this is how gangster reddit was back in the day or you could say [ __ ] like this and people would just come out with us some some real [ __ ] this dude says two and a half years ago I was in a dire financial I was in dire financial straits so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 square foot bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago the bunker that I have called home since I sold it the entrance to it is well hidden but I still come and go very early or very late in the day I'm a single man who keeps to himself I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else but I love this hidden paradise so much somebody says that is so buck I mean would you live that way if you could to you know would you live that way if you could - boy oh boy here we are at number 44 story about a guy that had a [ __ ] ton of surgeries to fix his spine and when he was recovering he slipped on an ice cube and [ __ ] everything up he committed suicide a week after that it left me speechless now I ain't trying to hear all that man you're gonna bring me down kayo I click on the link well we need to get deeper into this I mean you got the summary right there I UN a UN - oh my god this one says what's the saddest thing that has happened to an old school friend that you don't see anymore hmm seems like a list that I might be able to do my penis into later well the response here is it's fairly short had a degenerative back problem and in his late 20s began a series of surgeries that essentially rebuilt his spine from the top to the bottom shortly after the last procedure he went to visit his parents up north for Christmas slipped on ice on their front steps and smashed all the work that was done he committed suicide within a week oh my god oh my god but we can all quietly chuckle in amusement at the very least that uh you know on the internet game of telephone it turned into an ice cube you know that's different from from ice on steps come on man [Music] but let's switch forward number 43 the Kevin's story boy I'll be damned if y'all gonna have Kyle out here reading all the damn reddit stories that I have read before if y'all want to know about the reddit story about Kevin just type in KL Kevin it's the very first reddit collection bing-bong bing-bong oh my god number 42 I think it got deleted but someone posted what red flags should we consider or recognize within ourselves and honestly it had some of the most insightful answers that I have ever seen did I read this one I guess since we're here I can just type in Phi L red flags oh yeah I remember this one I named it wrong to get a whole bunch of people commenting um you know in this in the comment section and be all like ourselves as Kayal that's not how that word spell Kyle and yeah that's all the comment section is this whole bunch of people going ourselves is what let's see here man I never noticed that about myself hahahaha our Celsus Wow it's like starting to play yeah this videos like a month old now [Music] I'm kidding I'm kidding about that one all right yeah guys look it's uh it's Costanza I came really close to making this a little uh trying to shrink it and seeing if it would make a good emot-- for the stream chat but not a Moute emoji or whatever what you guys I don't know you guys would need to be the jury on that one it is your chat so as we go back um yeah I definitely read this one I definitely read that one mmm-hmm continuing up this it's probably gonna be a quick one man number 41 the non zero days comment this guy left on a post the redditor explained that he just didn't care about himself anymore and this post changed my life everyone should read this one non-zero days can suck my balls but I'm pretty sure I've read it but the real question is have I read it in a way where it's its own video because odds are I most certainly have not so let's open up a video here and then um non zero days yeah some [ __ ] read it he's all like live the life you want no more zero beans okay guys look at me look at me in my car if you ever see somebody making this hand gesture with their hand I mean try not to roll your eyes like guys you can't have I'm doing that I'm doing the hand thing by the way you can't you just can't do it you have to have days where you get it done no zero days okay you you you feel like you you want to wake up and and just go back to sleep stay awake for one hour okay do it and then today you will have to say that you stay away way that that is how we say you stay awake you stay away away [Music] an hour of of our wake time our day keeps the sleepy time our way way number forty I don't know why but this one about evading a snail stuck with me Oh God we're coming we're coming back to this [ __ ] you and a super-intelligent snail both get 1 million dollars and you both become immortal however you die if the snail touches you it always knows where you are and slowly crawls towards you what's your plan my fury and I can't believe we're rehashing this is my my my question my anger comes from not knowing just how how you know stardew valley open stripes stardew valley is not visible how do you know that and it just and it's just [ __ ] froze so now stardew valley is closing great maybe it hasn't been frozen for a long time and only recognizing it made it dead look here's the bottom line very quickly one more time you and a super-intelligent snail both get 1 million dollars and bow and you both become immortal however you die if the snail touches you and it always knows where you are in a slowly crawling towards you what's your plan if a snail were truly intelligent and had access to a million dollars what's to stop the snail from buying like a jet pack or some manner of like transport that would allow it to zip straight to your ass do you get what I'm saying whatever though whatever though whatever though and the answers are all stupid as hell and we're really not gonna get into it I read three of them tops the top comment says I spent five of those dollars on a hamster wheel pay someone three dollars to put the snail on it when I finally want to die I embrace my deaf snail as an old friend and go into the last unknown but first I asked him what on earth he did with his million dollars okay if the sale if the snail were super intelligent he wouldn't be [ __ ] too confined by no [ __ ] you know what I mean my no hamster wheel you know odd number two says I'd surround myself with whatever you're smoking that would confuse the [ __ ] snail to snow it to no end okay number three I have opposable fingers in a glass jar checkmate right right if the snail is super intelligent dude it all hinges on that we're not gonna we're not gonna get into this educated jetpacks names okay surely he'd also probably established some sort of suit for himself because if snails are susceptible to you know certain types of salts then we can't just but they're both immortal you're both immortal it doesn't matter yeah you're both immortal immortal because let's not forget if the snail were super intelligent I would imagine that the first thing that the snail would do is establish some sort of a capacity for interaction / communication with people around him what does that mean maybe he gets some kind of Wi-Fi built into his shell dude and then he's able to communicate directly with people so if you trap him or some [ __ ] like that not only does he have the ability to communicate with people but he's got the money at his disposal and he can literally he can literally make it clear that uh to everybody that these funds are real maybe even why are some people some money up front and be like hey if you break my ass out I'll double what I just gave you you get what I'm saying with the money at your disposal you can turn people into murderers people will do that [ __ ] friend for nothing already so if this snail got money and the snail came can communicate son there's no trap that you can't spring him out of because the only thing that would stop him is death but if the snail isn't is immortal we're not gonna get into it I hate this [ __ ] thing I hate it I hate it so here we are number 39 and ask reddit thread that asked if you could have sex with anyone in the world right now who would it be the top comment was a guy who wished that he could sleep with his wife who had died of cancer the first reply was I also choose this guy's dead wife oh my god here's the thing guys reddit used to be cool here's why reddit used to have a sense of humor the real [ __ ] used to chill on reddit and then new women got in I know it sounds terrible I know it sounds rude but the ladies got in the the rejected and and and loveless unloved [ __ ] tumblr kids got in the the cuck 4chan errs got on here man you name it you name it let's call them let's call them the untouchables is just like a [ __ ] blanket you know what I mean they got on there and they took this site from from classic unfunny town to just you know it's it's a it's a shadow of what it was which is ironic because of how many people are shadow band the thing about 4chan was at least they had a sense of humor okay either either everything was okay or nothing was so everything was on the table the [ __ ] make fun of goddamn that's the type of comment that a person would make the back then and and and it would make people go god they're [ __ ] but everybody would upvote it these days people will download it the mods will come in and they'll and they'll they'll ban people from the but you can't say that that's that's insensitive like kiss my ass read it you used to be [ __ ] Kier you used to be cute much like a snail with a jetpack somebody needs to make that into a video game you know well I'm surprised stripes isn't drawn that right now Oh with the top had in a scarf oh she's really running running around [ __ ] you know personality hang up this top hat okay I mean snail God number 38 the ultimate pun that someone made about a girl he thought was a porn star in his philosophy class in college is this the porn is this the Descartes okay Oh car okay it pops into my mind every so often here's a link to a write-up explaining the context and why it's so great what is the greatest reply comment that you've ever seen on reddit okay here it is I'm 85 percent certain that there is an adult actress a porn star in my philosophy class okay someone says why not do it the other okay oh god you you eat you want the context you want the context you want the context so the context basically is yo people are going yo why don't you just go up to her and ask her if that's her and then somebody else says why don't you do it the other way around an email Lexi Bell the porn star that you think it is somebody says exactly ask Lexi Bell if she has any interest in philosophy if she says yes then ask her which philosopher she likes once you get her answer strike up a conversation with the girl in the class about these very philosophers this will get you laid okay someone else says isn't this like pudding isn't this like pudding that the carts get it before the horse mmm never mind all right this isn't how this is pronounced because this is it's a philosopher okay but uh but if you don't get it then maybe you need to watch a little more Rick and Morty let's just move on man we got we got a list to get through I love you how in number 37 one legendary user-submitted two are gone wild curvy asking people if they like hairy girls this post went viral I gotta open that in a separate window and grab it out of the sea I'm Sam how do you guys feel about about unshaven [ __ ] that's a man's armpit I know it that is a man's armpit I didn't I know it that's a man's armpit I know it dude I know it's a man's armpit I know it okay so look going back to the post sorry one legendary user submitted to are gone wild curvy asking if people like hairy girls the post went went viral and this was before the new algorithm it was very popular about a week later and an ask reddit thread he admitted that he was a dude who had just tucked his junk back and crossed his legs I cried laughing at this the first time I saw it and I'm confident that it's one of the few reddit posts that will never escape my memory oh my Bing bong the man tucked his peepee back behind his thigh and now I'm gonna go ahead and throw the the post back in here without really revealing it someone says look at all the deletes several guys are walking the streets right now questioning their sexuality and their time spent on reddit somebody said if they are brave they would let their comments stay and learn to laugh at themselves what Linda says mangina I'm old Gregg number two while dude you have a mighty fine mangina oh it's may so great I need that that's a four-year-old reference that I'm doing it it's like I'm not growing at all my reference is here's where we're going up the posts number 36 in additions to classics broken arms double dick dude this poster really got me it's a really sad story I wonder if he went through it or I wonder if he went through with it okay let's see let's see what what the post that he linked was virgins that are 40 years old or older what is life like oh my god like the video if you're not a virgin but if you are then I mean I guess he's just gonna hang out well someone says they're 43 years old how many people know about it I haven't given this question much thought until now my mother probably knew before she passed away from COPD my father is in a home he doesn't think about me and I avoid him since he's abusive my fiance's parents knew but they surely think I've slept with someone by now are you a closet urgent or are you open about it when you walk into a room with people you assume basic things about them most have eaten a hamburger used a telephone and worn a pair of rollerskates adults just presume other adults have had sex so it's not an issue for me if I were to sleep with someone I would ask her what she liked and just try to make her happy chances are she would just assume that I'm bad at sex being a virgin at my age is abnormal there's no advantage in pointing that out however it doesn't feel like a secret that I'm carrying around I don't identify as a virgin because I stopped thinking about it a long time ago like you don't need to identify as a [ __ ] virgin to be one just like half a tease [ __ ] with dicks that identify as female are anatomically a man I said it come at me in the comment section would you [ __ ] ass mmm pattycake pattycake Baker's man you are a [ __ ] man sorry I'm so sorry Am I are you ashamed of it they go on to say no it just sort of happened more like didn't happen - am i right I'll be here all night a lot REE anyway sorry grid / AIDS scared me as a teenager if you're telling me that the STDs kept you away from the sex LX people weren't certain how it was transmitted and if you did catch it you died you died all right I wasn't interested in anyone in my high school so I distracted myself with books movies and hobbies it seemed best to wait until college in my 20s I was smitten with a girl who wanted to wait until marriage I'd never met anyone like her respecting her beliefs versus screwing was never a dilemma that thought of spending the rest of my life with her was sublime compared to just [Music] forgive me three months after we were engaged she was killed in a motor vehicle accident it took about eight years to get over losing her including inpatient stays and ECT I haven't met anyone like her since most single women my age either have children or afflictions I'm too old and tired to complicate my life I've grown used to living alone what is life like dude shitty my eyes are fuzzy my knees ache and my memory leaks I look around and see my country circling the drain I'm going to asphyxiate myself next month with a tank of nitrogen I actually took my hand off the [ __ ] Maoist you so I guess it's best that no one knows about my virginity it would be weird if that's how my friends and colleagues remembered me [ __ ] what if masturbation dude nobody's asking the real questions here somebody else is saying you're 43 years old do you you're not even close to old you're barely in midlife crisis territory too old too old to be tying up hot lines is usually around the same age they're too physically disabled to do so anyway yeah man you're [ __ ] you know losing your [ __ ] that's something crazy but there's a reason that we're also sexually [ __ ] charged at a young age something tells me that there's more at play than this guy makes it apparent okay cuz STDs aren't enough to scare your ass away from [ __ ] sex sex is good and you know sex is good because when you touch yourself it's good and it gets even better with another [ __ ] party or so you must assume because the hormones would drive you crazy and then when you get a chance to try it it is validated you are validated in that because it's an animal [ __ ] urge when you find the right person you feel the right way and you ice that cake with looking at that [ __ ] body and no one that you want to get in that or you want to get on that dude it's not something that you can fight chemically all right homie so some more was going on alright some more was going on not blaming this guy just saying like nah [ __ ] forty years is a very long time it's a very long time I want to feel bad but it's I'm not getting the whole picture here I can't feel bad for three pieces of a puzzle sitting on the floor [ __ ] how about the how about that number 35 the ask reddit post that was something like which celebrity needs to just come out already and every single comment in the chain was Tom Cruise just come out already alright just god damn it Tom Cruise need to come out of Scientology I said it number 34 tattoo guy who posted a picture of his wrist tattoo then a picture of how he took that than how he took that yeah we've seen it it's the picture of a picture of a picture and people were like don't you take that picture and he throws down and they're like how'd you take that picture oh my god peppermint stripe says what of asexuality Kyle it's a delusion I believe asexuality to be a delusion I believe it's easy for people to adopt to certain lifestyles and then ride that [ __ ] out for the rest of their life do you know what I'm saying but just like women who can't consider themselves lesbians they still got dildos though they still like the feeling of a dick in that Placido and if they were to get drunk and be [ __ ] by a man they could probably find pleasure in it though do you get what I'm saying just because they're gay is just because this is where their beliefs and their ideologies all align doesn't mean that they are just incapable and when it comes to asexual people yo I think there are exceptions to a lot of rules man but I think you would need to either fundamentally be [ __ ] up as a child or during a developmental stage to where you can't have feelings like this or it's just not a non-existent you know I'm a guy who likes to believe that there are exceptions to every rule because you know objectively that shouldn't make sense you have to it you have to believe that they're exceptions to every rule but if you're normal in your upbringing and things weren't [ __ ] for you and you have some kind of condition you know what I mean it went that you were born with or you don't develop something where like you can't properly [ __ ] form I mean just just you if you're [ __ ] normal dude asexuality is a choice Bobby itch my dude is Wednesday I'm not really though TG TG is y'all bread says my lesbian sister who left her five-year hetero relationship would HIGHLY disagree get over it bread get over it if she was if she was [ __ ] if she was [ __ ] men at one point cool do you get what I'm saying my point is this just because you like women doesn't mean that somehow you are not compatible with with a with a man in in bed or anatomically you know what I mean and like I said it can be just as vulgar and and and concise as lesbian still like the feel of a [ __ ] dildo they don't need to love a man my point is that anatomically they fit together that's the end of it you know that I mean because there's no discussion there there's no there's nothing to refute you know they're they're they're lesbian women that will convince you that they hate the they hate men so much they won't even put a phallic-shaped [ __ ] item up there I will not be penetrated your stupid ass and I'll tell you what a lot of people who convince themselves that that's what they're all about they don't make it through life that way they don't make it through life they make it a couple years and then they eat their stupid ass words and they shut the [ __ ] up and they realize that in their in their childishness in early age you know they wasted [ __ ] time well hey we're all that to some extent just some people more so than others we all can look back 10 or 20 years ago at some [ __ ] and be like dude or some cringe-worthy [ __ ] but it's not as bad as some people i am asexual and i'm pioneer ii and i will not be penetrated he will not penetrate us he well not penetrating us as we roll up number three hmm not a post but our place was the first bit of Reddit history I got to experience firsthand you guys remember our place it was so stupid it was so stupid it was just it was just everybody drawing on something you know it was just people drawing how stupid is that people drew a big pixel picture hmm yeah how you like me now my favorite part of our place was at the bottom when they made it kind of like a old school computer you know put that at the bottom oh boy that's pretty good it's pretty good but as we roll up to number 32 it was a lifepro tip about the six second rule if you don't want to do something count to 6 then do it it completely changes a man I mean if you're if you're that simple sure somebody says yeah but then you can just count to 6 and then not do the thing what what is the what is the significance of counting to that number specifically it could be any number behold ladies and gentlemen the 4 second rule if you don't want to do something just count to 4 and then do it what introducing ladies and gentlemen the slap yourself and the tittie rule if you don't want to do something just slap yourself in a titty and then do it introducing ladies and gentlemen the sin Chi Ella snapchat rule if you don't want to do something send me a snap chat and then don't do it you know you sent me that snap I mean like that's that's productive enough you know I'm talking about Wow so number 31 I am not proud of my son [Music] somebody in trouble the I am NOT proud of my son post reads as follows this Saturday my son will have been sober for 18 months he got his GED this year and he starts a community college at the end of August he finally has a job that I didn't get for him soon he will be moving into his own apartment and he hasn't missed a single appointment with his therapist he has done everything you would expect of a precocious 17 year old who hit a rough patch after meeting with a particularly bad influence he is 29 he is the point where I'm this is the point where I'm supposed to say that nevertheless I'm still proud of him for turning his life around getting off drugs getting off the street staying out of trouble and acting like a responsible adult or at least an adult who knows the meaning of responsible maybe I'll throw in a reference to the prodigal son and killed a fatted calf for him there certainly that's certainly what's expected of me that's certainly what my son expects of me he demands praise and forgiveness and a party and me to hug him and tell him it's all right demands me to tell him how proud I am that he's made something of himself but I'm not because he hasn't not in the slightest his mother and I give him every opportunity we could I don't expect any praise for that because unlike my son I don't expect praise for doing what you're supposed to she and I worked hard to give him a loving stable comfortable supportive home we were involved in his school we introduced him to music to the extent that to to the extent that any two people can his mother was a damn good cellist though and sports culture we fed him healthy meals we played with him thanks to him we got in the best shape that we'd ever been in since our 20s and we let him stumble and fall and make mistakes and get back up again he started shoplifting at fifteen the first time we caught him we bodily dragged him back to the store made him return the copy of Grand Theft Auto and apologized and offered to pay for the damages the second time we caught him this time with a pair of shoes we did the same thing but for a time we started going to family therapy therapy went well or seemed to go well and after a few sessions uh the therapist asked for a few one-on-one meetings with him after two of those the police came knocking on our door because the little [ __ ] had concocted some story about how we were a religious cult who raped him for breakfast every Saturday well here's your problem you know see when you're reading a story sometimes and the parents telling you like ma'am my son ain't that [ __ ] you know you gotta you got to really make your parents hate you you know what I mean your parents can easily hate what you do and hate what you're about or just be narcissistic and up their own ass but when they they aren't proud of their own kid because it's like [ __ ] that kid after wonder what it is I think we found it I think we've combed over this thread and found what the issue is here the he told somebody that we were part of a religious cult who raped him for breakfast every Saturday and the dumb chicken [ __ ] therapist actually believed him rational heads prevailed we fired that therapist and he went through six more months until eventually we couldn't find anyone who would take him as a patient by sixteen he was drinking then we found pot in his bedroom and in our bedroom he started leaving needles bongs and crack pipes where he knew we'd eventually find them just to [ __ ] with us I know this B is because he said so in those exact words this is when you get a kid like that out of your house dude Hey look man I I know that I'm not like most people and you know maybe that maybe that's not such a bad thing guys maybe that's not such a bad thing but maybe you guys can listen to me right now and that these words of advice can follow your ass into the future just because you have a kid you're supposed to look out for that kid doesn't mean that if that kid turns evil dude that you should be literally trying to save that [ __ ] everybody ain't worth saving and you can't save everybody because they have to make the choice to be saved you know what I mean people can refuse your help and people do refuse help often so let me put it to you like this some little [ __ ] that you trying to bring up start bringing cracked pipes into your house and makes it clear to you verbatim that he's trying to [ __ ] with y'all and he's gonna keep doing this and he's not gonna change get this little [ __ ] [ __ ] out of your house okay you know what I mean because maybe just maybe he will put your ass in jail okay and here's the thing kids can say a lot to [ __ ] over their parents mainly rape baby mainly rape baby you're dealing with a little [ __ ] sociopath dude Rhea said it yep that that sounds like it sounds like a little sociopath and here's the thing if the kid hadn't made it clear that he was willing to tell outside parties that y'all raped him already you know what I mean that y'all would be living y'all should be living with the fear of something like that on the horizon but here's the comedy of this story that happened first he told he told people that they raped him not just not not just the dad but the mom too we were a religious cult who raped him and then was leaving drugs all over the house drugs in America America ain't got [ __ ] to do but make money off [ __ ] that's goin to jail so straight up if the cops show up and they find some [ __ ] in your house especially if this little [ __ ] is making it clear that he's doing it to [ __ ] with y'all he could probably call the police and be like Amy and I got a tip for y'all there was some crack in my mom and dad's room all they do is rape me and then smoke crack and look at me and play play Elmo I hate that show because I get raped during it well how could I make something like that up you know what I mean that's such a weird thing to say you know obviously I'm telling it sure of police obviously I'm telling the truth worldstar and then the cops show up and they take it yo ass to jail because you had the opportunity to get rid of this little [ __ ] what you didn't why am I saying this don't let it happen to you because I love you enough to let your ass know it don't let it happen to you if a little kid says you know if he fake ly look little kids are little kids okay and some people don't grow up you see people come into this chat very often and figuratively flail their arms to get attention because look at me pay attention to me my mommy and my daddy aren't there for me on an emotional level so now I'm the world's problem do you get what I'm saying like we don't need to give them attention especially if they parents didn't so I get it you know you're acting out you're trying to do something that's gonna get that's gonna get the biggest [ __ ] it's gonna rile people up it's really gonna rustle some jimmies dude you're telling the police that you were [ __ ] raped by mommy and daddy dude you can try to fix that you know what I mean but when they're doing things that are putting your life at danger this is your [ __ ] life you're talking about because if you were caught with these drugs in your own [ __ ] house you are going away for a long time I know it just seems like I'm reiterating the same point but don't let this [ __ ] happen to you not over some little sociopathic [ __ ] you know what I mean I was watching some [ __ ] earlier about some little [ __ ] Contin named Randy stare who literally was trying to make youtube videos for a long-ass time Google Google Randy stared look up a YouTube video on a [ __ ] named Randy stare when you guys are done with this [ __ ] y'all want something to watch that's something to watch because this little dude was trying to make youtube videos and he do wasn't getting attention and old boy how angry he got okay how angry this little [ __ ] got he started making these really shitty Danny Phantom inspired web cartoons and long story short went to work with a shotgun and killed a whole bunch of people or maybe not a whole bunch but enough okay do went insane cuz he straight-up didn't get enough attention and he made these video manifestos if you will and made it very clear that it was about his issues with mommy and daddy not getting enough attention on YouTube you know he thought that killing himself would make him become female ghost you know much like the the animated things that he would make these like Danny Phantom [ __ ] through cartoons look man people go crazy people go [ __ ] crazy that's the bottom line you know but you don't let him drag you into it that's that's all I'm saying I love you to death but you gotta love yourself don't let this happen to you man cuz this is sick this is sick he started leaving needles bongs and crack pipes where he knew we'd eventually find them just to [ __ ] with us I know this because he said so in those exact words he had his first intervention and first trip to rehab that year and his first relapse he had to repeat a year of high school at 17 which meant he was now the ringleader of a group of other younger [ __ ] who saw him as the totemic mentor Shaymin who could hook them up with whatever [ __ ] they wanted I'm also damn sure that he started [ __ ] one of his gangs younger sisters 13 around then but I had nothing to go on but my own instinct so all I could do was tell her parents to keep an eye on her no charges were ever pressed and the family never spoke to me again after that but they did pull both of their kids out of that school and my son was furious at me for daring to not let him continue committing statutory rape in statutory right oh my god he decided to try for normal rape later on while I was away he spent an uncharacteristic night at home and on his best behavior after his mother went to sleep he followed her into her room he took a knife with him he crept into the room straddled her put the blade to her throat and slid his other hand inside her lady's and mother [ __ ] gentlemen buckle up buckle up if this little kid who called who cried rape to his therapist wasn't enough if this little kid leaving drugs all over the house for the parents to find to [ __ ] with them his words wasn't enough alright if him if him going to rehab I tried to make him go to rehab right to come back and then commit rape on some thirteen-year-old hos wasn't enough it's time to take a knife and slide my hand up inside mommy now why do I feel like the parents are gonna let this kid stay the guy goes on to say I don't exactly know what happened next I know he held her down and tried to undress her I know that she fought I know that he stabbed her I know that she got away and locked herself in the bathroom before he could catch her I hope that means she kicked him good in the balls I know she broke the window and screamed for help I know he ran I know she was lucky the ambulance got to her because before she bled to death I know he called his friends to brag and beg a ride I know the police caught him I know if I'd have been home or if I'd caught him I'd have killed him with my bare hands it's the first thing that you said that's made sense my man I don't condone violence but that's your wife dude and this little [ __ ] was unstable you let him get to this point you let him get to this point you let him stay under your own roof you know what I mean part of me yes admires your patience and your restraint and trying your best to to [ __ ] curb your spawn curb your [ __ ] spawn my [ __ ] you know what I mean I get so mad at dumbass kids because it ain't the kids fault it's the parents fault so I get it feeling like this little [ __ ] is your [ __ ] obligation but doesn't like a pulled a knife on your own [ __ ] mom this did this oh my god you want to know what pisses me off about the Randi stare situation go watch them Randy stare videos boy he makes this [ __ ] this pre this pre shooting spree [ __ ] manifesto video talking about how mad he is at mommy and daddy talking about how he's got transgender and how he crossed dresses and you know all this [ __ ] right and how angry he is at dad and I could go in there and kill you dad and you look around his room and there's [ __ ] my little pony [ __ ] all over the room and and you know Danny Phantom cartoons and it's just like of course your dad probably just doesn't want anything to do with you you know what I mean what must he think you know everybody has interests sure you know nobody should be shamed for what they're into but I I don't know the state tried my son as an adult he pled out but only after making his mother testify and smiling the whole time she divorced me a month after his sentencing I looked too much like him oh my god I was gonna say he's got transgender you know tendencies stripes I cut myself off you shut [ __ ] up transgender might as well be a [ __ ] condition oh he's got the transgender he caught it he caught it two weeks ago I looked too much like him she killed herself a year later this is a part of the story we want it to be a creepypasta we want this to be a no-sleep that's what we want this to be I would be a liar if I said I didn't blame him for her death because I absolutely do he was sober when when he went to her room sober when he pulled out his knife sober when he climbed on top of her sober when he when he raped her sober when he stabbed her sober when he ran sober when he called his friends to brag and sober when the police found him when I made the mistake of visiting him after the divorce he laughed and said that she'd had enough of his dick that I could never satisfy her oh my god [Music] when I made the mistake of visiting him after she killed herself he laughed again and asked how it felt to have some prick take your [ __ ] away I should have killed him right there it is to my eternal shame that I did not they let him out after serving three years he spent the next six years on the streets and an out of rehab and on and off of other people's couches and would grace me every six months or so with a phone call demanding money eventually I refused to talk to him unless it was to drive him back to rehab and I stopped completely after he stole my wallet how do you get close enough to do that without a bullet in the brain I don't believe it I don't believe that there's a man this patient our kind in the world two years ago he came to my house with his aunt his mother's sister crocodile seals and his are as eyes he pretended to apologize I slam the door his aunt barges in to try and shame me into forgiving the man who raped my wife and caused her death and laughed about it he stayed outside he slashed my tires threw a brick through my window and drove off in her car his aunt had no idea that he'd taken her keys or that he'd been armed at the whole time she blamed me women [ __ ] women some other idiot duped your ass into [ __ ] taking you to the to the home of the man whom he whoo-hoo-hoo that's his mom - that's it Wow dude Wow do you know okay I don't know women she blamed me he guilted her into letting him stay with her went to rehab relapse went again and and here we are was he [ __ ] her - was he [ __ ] her - the story can't get crazier the story cannot get more wild no in stark contrast to the ball of [ __ ] that is my son and his life I have watched my friends and colleagues those who still talk to me that is children's go home or go on to be doctors lawyers skilled tradesmen actors musicians academics entrepreneurs and career military I've seen a few start their own families and even the ones who had a rough start or who stumbled and fell managed to pick themselves up again or are bravely soldiering on I have nothing but respect for them I also note that they do not expect the [ __ ] cookie or having a a job and not getting hopped up on meth or raping their mother for 18 whole months my son has pretended to reform before he has been can use even convinced himself once or twice but I am so sorry but he always back slides always relapse as always finds new ways to disappoint always hurts other people for his own short-sighted benefit his aunt has already ads at the stage where she is pretending she must have forgotten where she put some knick-knack or a piece of jewelry and has already told me to [ __ ] off after I've warned her of what my son can will and has done before and what he will do again now that he thinks she is weak when he [ __ ] up again when he hurts someone else with his ceaseless [ __ ] I will not be there to pick him up I am through with him I am through with his aunt I cannot talk her to her without being overcome with rage and shame as I see the stupid stupid hope I used to have with my son who would never amount to anything and I do not need any more disappointment and failure in my life I'm okay the story's over story's over guys IIIi want I wanna I want to know something and I guess this goes to the men I guess this goes out to the men here you [ __ ] a hoe that sperm get in there find that egg comes to term yo spawn is is on two legs and walking it's living that life baby it's living that life you would a girl and she ain't just how anymore you know what I mean she ain't just your baby mama she is somebody that you love this is somebody that you consider so significant so unique so incredible so beneficial in the union with you that you would want to spend the rest of your life with her in in a monogamous capacity baby you and her nobody else she got it in a way that nobody else got it and what she put on it what she put out there it don't compare to it nobody else can compare to what she got so you done you got this lady you want to live with this lady that's that so when it comes to this little spawn on two legs walking around you know he reaches the point where for some reason after he [ __ ] up he gonna tell some therapist that y'all raped his ass what the [ __ ] okay then he's gonna start leaving drugs all over the house talking about ha I just wanted y'all to find it and and and I see the look on your face pops ha ha [ __ ] ok maybe not maybe that not that terrible not that malicious maybe he doesn't understand the [ __ ] terrifying consequences if the police were to get in and find these drugs whatever you know what I'm talking about even though you [ __ ] you know telling people that we raked your ass you stupid little [ __ ] maybe you just lashing out because you don't want to be in therapy okay we get it all right but then you raping little girls okay you know maybe that's the Harvey Weinstein in them maybe you can't even blame them you know what I mean like the video you know I'm talking about Harvey Weinstein likes for Weinstein okay not funny [ __ ] up what uh you you you you trying to see past that okay but it's when he decides it's when he decides men and this is what I'm asking you man that he gonna climb up on with a weapon your wife and [ __ ] her some old school at a pissed [ __ ] he gonna [ __ ] your wife he gonna [ __ ] his mom that's when you know that's when you know when it comes to your spawn nothing's off the table nothing's off the table for your [ __ ] son if he's willing to take a why a knife and not just play play threaten somebody but play play threaten your mom and not just play play threaten but really hold her down and rape the [ __ ] out of her now you know you got somebody that is [ __ ] dangerous on your hands dude you know this [ __ ] dangerous dude so if that ain't enough all right if that's not enough your wife then commits suicide you alone in this world baby not only did you find a [ __ ] that you considered gangsta enough to just swear off the rest of the [ __ ] out here and just keep as your own for the rest of your life but this dude took took took her from you and not just like oh she getting divorced because you look too much like him what she gonna kill herself too all right as if that's not enough all right as if that's not enough he gets out he somehow finds [ __ ] the way to corrupt the sister of the woman that took her own life and like he's duping her dumb ass he's stealing her car he's stealing her jewelry blah-blah-blah-blah-blah do you feel men and here is your question straight up simple concise do you feel that it is your obligation to to rid the world of this scourge you know do you shut your eyes do you cut yourself off do you have nothing to do with it and try to pretend it doesn't exist because you're just trying to live your life at this point you won't want to go to jail over some [ __ ] or do you feel that it is your responsibility to to take care of this because you brought it in here at this point you know what I mean that's my question to the men out there that's my question because I'm feeling like this that the law won't get it done they put his ass in there for three years the law is not looking at this the way it needs to be looked at you know [Music] [Music] I don't know how this dude didn't feel obligated to rid the world at his [ __ ] you know what I mean we've heard we've heard parents playfully dropped the phrase I brought you into this world and I can take you out but never has there been a situation where it should be more applicable for real than this okay holy [ __ ] the comedy is guys on the list of the original list of 50 unforgettable reddit posts we're only at like number 30 because I because I jumped off into this I am NOT proud of my son list has that been read on YouTube that's a pretty direct story amazing nice doesn't look like it's read we need to get on that later oh look some [ __ ] all like I am NOT proud of this I'm wearing a shirt that says equality and you might look at me and think oh I'm pretty cute but then you look at my chest and I look like a boy I might as well be a boy down there where's my breasts I don't know no I don't know where they are gonna be honest I'm not proud of this but I have no tit he's going to get a rest job i okay that's [ __ ] up new series coming later this year guys what am i what am I saying in this video based on the title and the thumbnail okay look at this guy I'm not proud of my sexuality okay that's right I'm gay mom and dad why I all right look that's rude I'm just kidding it's it's fun it's fun fun jokey joke now mmm sarah said tank ily you saying dang because your boobs can't be that bigger either that's [ __ ] out while making me feel bad because y'all are flat I remember send to moon-goddess used to come in here and get so mad because she doesn't have boobs either and I'm like look you can't take this out on me because of how genetically you were established okay you're women so you still have all the balls in your court no pun intended right you can literally just get the funds that you need by putting a shoe on your head on a webcam and then go out and get some breast implants this [ __ ] ain't my problem god getting mad at me you know there's waking up in the morning and convincing yourself to be confident and there's rolling out of bed knowing that everybody wants you because of them burgers truth is there's like there's like and there's like oh yeah boys you know you want it there's like coffin there's like there's like confidence and then there's call my god oh my god what's your name you know I mean alright number thirty okay number thirty I'm so sorry I gotta keep going I'm so sorry that I make these bits too far you know number thirty the one about the guy where he thought his dog was a huge who had a huge tick and tried to pull it off with tweezers and his dog was whining and seemed to be in a lot of pain it turned out it was her nipple the whole time you idiot number 29 oh boy look the one about the guy who was rushing his buddy to the hospital because he chainsawed his leg two cars blocked him on the road because he was speeding his buddy died after reaching the paramedic someone says I am much nicer to people on the roads now even if they are probably just [ __ ] I guess you never know what the [ __ ] going on number at 28 the eight-day week exercise routine oh I love this post because it gets funnier every time you read it wait is this it the eight-day week exercise routine why do I feel like stripes has sent me this link before oh no I've seen this wait what the [ __ ] is it safe to do a full body workout every other day I only have limited days I can get to the gym and lately instead of doing upper body or lower body I just do full body strength workouts I am trying to gain as much as I can without getting fat someone else says most beginner intermediate programs are full body workouts three times per week so I think it's safe to assume that they're safe if I go every other day I will be at the gym 4 to 5 times a week is that overtraining I typically work out like 60 to 90 minutes I push myself and raise the weight each week a full body workout 3 times per week is plenty each workout shouldn't take more than 45 minutes to an hour and a quarter you will not over train if you eat properly someone says that makes no sense there are only seven days in a week if you go every other day that is three and a half times a week somebody said Monday Wednesday friday-sunday that is four days how do you go 3.5 times you have a workout or something seven times in two weeks equals 3.5 times a week genius ah yeah three times a week full body workouts are good I never said anything about doing going exactly seven times like I said if I go every other day that is four days a week how hard is that to comprehend week one Sunday Tuesday Thursday Saturday week to Monday Wednesday friday-sunday eight days in two weeks in your turn somebody said you double counted Sunday that is two weeks plus one day did you fail great two plus your old post said four or five times a week now you just neglect to mention the five grow up and admit you were wrong believe me you will get a lot further in this way deleted four doubled post sorry are you [ __ ] maybe you should look at a calendar I didn't double count Sunday my two weeks start and end on a Sunday way exactly 14 days what don't you understand dude that is 15 days are you that effing mental you can't have a week go Sunday to Saturday and then Sunday to Sunday look at a damn picture you posted count the days what do they equal 15 kids these days I was right three-and-a-half times a week so that this first guy posts it and you might Brent bright our old Elrond Oh what the [ __ ] is 14 days try again maybe you should try counting on your fingers if you work out on the eighth you wouldn't start counting the days till the ninth because that is one day okay then the tenth it would be two days and so on until you get to the 22nd which is 14 days count the [ __ ] days oh my god oh my God look get me out of here get me out of here number 27 the bridges story what the hell is know look give me the summary basically a guy and his friends enter a cement bridge to see some really creepy and disturbing [ __ ] then he re-enters it years later and an adult as an adult and sees more disturbing [ __ ] yeah beretta I've heard that before [Music] my word as we continue upward and try to put a bow on this list man number 26 reads someone made a threat titled what would it be like if dr. Seuss wrote erotica and then somebody responded in the most glorious fashion the post didn't catch on like it should have so my my guess here is that this guy's about to dive in to dive into dr. Seuss erotic literature hmm let's uh let's get a taste of that all right Tina and Ted got into their bed said Ted to Tina it's time for some head head in bed is what Tina said before we're both dead is what Ted nak said so Tina did suck and Tina did lick and into her palm then Tina did spit she polished his crank like a hitch made a curl and went her arm tired she gave him more dome he sprang to his feet from off of his neck his feet hit the floor with a tremendous war AK he bent over Tina he bent her he bent her did Ted he bent Tina over the side of the bed Tina did scream with joy and delight as the bed Ted bam smuggled her flump assal night they didn't and fiddled and Biddle din bed they did old and fiddled did Tina and Ted and then with a gush and a glorious moan Ted in the bed reached orgasm alone I thought you'd hold out moaned Tina so sadly I tried but I couldn't try not to feel badly Tina reached in the nightstand which sat by the bed the bed she sat in with the now unconscious Ted she pulled out a vibrator and flicked on its power she gurgled and moaned for the next quarter hour she gurgled and moaned and she gurgled some more Ted awoke with a start and said what's that thing for she looked in his eyes she said with a smile your dick did the trick but just for a while what but just for a while slap that on some toast I want to see seventy likes on this video I'm dead serious seventy likes on this video I'll separate this and publish it this is [ __ ] ridiculous gettin gettin give me this permalink put that up there now alright now that I have now that I've bookmarked that properly I think we can destroy the rest of this list number five the sailor who told the story about how the operations officer changed the course of a naval vessel so that he could eat his bagel in peace just in case you guys want a summary of that damn story that I've read a dozen times before one man was so [ __ ] lazy so [ __ ] lazy god I'm gonna I'm gonna have to read a lot of these again dude I'm gonna have to read a lot of these again the guy was so lazy that he was in an inner vessel he was in a ship and the Sun was coming into his face so he basically had them turn the ship so that the Sun wouldn't be shining on him and it was just beautiful you know number 24 today you tomorrow me can you get this out of my face thanks God Kyle you must have done this before so let's make sure I'm just the guy sitting on my bed and I need you guys to understand I got a togepi behind me and a Snorlax too I like Pokemon it doesn't define me but I like it looks cute on the top of my bed and all the guys that I invite over there all I go yeah I'm gonna give you wait a minute there's something in the back that I think I got for Hannah no no no no no it's not that it's not that it's not that I got hand on a nightlight one time and and it had like a little face on it wow these are really conventional looking night lights the one I wanted had the one I got her had like a little face on it this was it pretty much why don't they show it at night yeah you stupids pretty much looked like that was the night light with a face on it the end and that's what I thought was in the background of this guy's video have I ever read today you tomorrow me yep I have it's reddit collection number eight so I don't know so all seven of the people who've seen that congratulations you're part of the in-crowd all right you should see like the finger gestures that I do and doing like the Zoop you know what I mean number 23 oh boy there was a response to a post I think it was a Maillard meme about getting out of someone's way when they're speeding you're not the police and you should just worry about yourself and let them get their ticket somebody gave a story about a buddy of theirs that died because of this they were on a crew chopping down trees when the buddy got horribly injured by the chainsaw they were too far away from civilization to wait for the ambulance so they stayed on the phone with an emergency line and sped out on to the highway to meet EMS halfway except some [ __ ] wouldn't just let them pass so for 10 to 15 minutes they were stuck behind her honking and yelling while she just stayed right in front of them and slowed down by at least 10 umm slowed them down by at least 10 minutes they ultimately passed her and threw a bloody shirt at her car so she followed them until they met up with police and EMS thinking she was going to be the savior of the day she tries to tell the cops what they did but ends up getting cited or arrested for trying to police their speed in the meantime the buddy gets loaded into the ambulance and taken to the hospital but ends up dying five to ten minutes out from the hospital the guy telling the story wasn't a hundred percent sure that his friend would have survived had he made it but he would have had a better chance and they lost that chance because some [ __ ] tried to make them slow down instead of just minding their own [ __ ] business and getting out of the way guys y'all gotta understand sometimes on the road you can cause accidents by by getting your dick and [ __ ] that doesn't you know concern you you know what I mean you can make things go worse y'all want to know something that rich people rarely ever do it's [ __ ] intervene homie it's [ __ ] intervene because they always worried about their liability they thinkin about you know if they were to just literally be a bystander and let this [ __ ] play its course like you know they don't need to get involved it's as simple as that if people are throwing fists around you know what I mean are you that guy that's jumping and going oh my god stop you guys boy pull out your phone don't turn that [ __ ] vertically turn it landscape that's long ways dumbasses you know I'm talking about I'm talking to you John jumbo I know you still watching these videos y'all know John jumbo is still here I ain't trying to I'm trying to make him feel weird I kind of appreciate that you're always still coming back out here John jumbo you're a weird guy alright everybody who's lurking flesh the lowercase H but my point is dude get the [ __ ] out of the way get the [ __ ] out of the way people on the road who hesitate they cause more accidents than people who are our [ __ ] as crazy as that sounds because at least the [ __ ] are confident and are knowing exactly what the [ __ ] they're gonna do and where they're gonna go and how they're gonna get there people who are hesitating you [ __ ] it up for everybody else number 22 the one about the kid who went to dinner with his girlfriend's parents and tried to be funny and pretended that he hadn't heard of a potato her father then got really pissed off and I believe he kicked them out of the house I'm not reading the potato story again [Music] I'm not reading it again okay hey look at all you guys Linda well quasar ria ringabel that's an interesting name if it's a wedding a bailar oh my god so I'm just gonna type in potato into my into my videos here through those girls I got a post with a ginger okay what happened to my [ __ ] potato video god damn it how come this one found it so look if you guys want that damn potato why is this starting that early into the video I hate you so much if you guys want the potato video there it is Andrew Adam says your voice is so manly Kyle yeah man it's called puberty like the video if you like the voice so much you know what I mean and I'll have a I'll have a sip of this this Gatorade it's because I'm so active right now I'm kidding there's nothing else in the house to drink it's pretty bad I should go out calling out you know what I mean with the other with the surface dwellers okay so let's go ahead and continue here number 21 Wow someone made an ass credit post and they had clearly been pushed to the limit with a grasshopper that had gotten behind some cabinets and wouldn't shut up you can't just spray that [ __ ] til he's dead at my house we were having the exact same situation so I laughed and thought I'd look at the comments to see a solution that I could use someone had also responded with something along the lines of it's really easy you just need to get a bowl on the ground 1/3 of 1/3 water 1/3 maple syrup or something sick sticky and then just leave it the follow-up comment was what is the other third air my wife and I got the giggles at that and I legitimately laughed on and off for 30 minutes and couldn't contain myself to this day whenever my wife is helping me with ingredients I shoot off what's the other third air and it begins again oh my god it's not that great but it's silly and that's what red it's all about as we homed in on the remaining 20 of the 50 unforgettable reddit posts oh man I got a real it in with my thumbnail games man it's pretty good it's pretty good it's stupid oh oh boy hey thank you for the subscription Sean hey Lee I'm kidding number 20 my favorite reddit story of all time the posters friend was apparently pretty vanilla but his girlfriend liked some dirty talk the best he could come up with was yeah you like that you [ __ ] [ __ ] who hasn't heard the story at this point who has this you it both my Bing bong okay really quiet soft-spoken polite guy a total gentleman and a graduate student in the liberal arts also pretty inexperienced tentative and vanilla sexually he's dating this a really cool girl for maybe two months she is much kinkier in bed than he is and she floats the idea of dirty talk and apparently likes to be objectified even demanded in a bit oh no even demeaned a bit from time to time he's hesitant but wants to please her and doesn't dismiss the idea outright changes the subject and figures that there will revisit the idea another time anyway they have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation really going out at doggy style that's what I'm talking about and she tells him to talk dirty to her he says that he can't think of anything to say so B says nothing and she then repeats the request but the second time she is not [ __ ] requesting she's demanding oh and he comes up with you like that you [ __ ] [ __ ] he's never struck me as one for embellishment so I believe him he said that it was it was that was it for the sex that night although they are still together two years on now brilliant it's a work of art you put your put your head you put your wine you know well that's a work of art hey Tony alike the things you do number 19 the dude that tried throwing a steak that his wife's boss had cooked out of a window but the window was closed that was the day that's the dumbest story and I honestly haven't read it because it's that stupid but it's a it's a stupid story indeed sorry I'm like looking around for my my USB lightning gotcha [ __ ] I have to plug in my phone it's dying jinkies let's make sure nothing ridiculous pops up and nothing has so with that we can continue Wow number 18 what do you do when you win the lottery is that wasn't this one legal advice hmm congratulations you just won millions of dollars in the lottery that's great now you're [ __ ] no really you are you're [ __ ] if you just want to skip the biographical tales of woe of some of the math and tax protagonists skip on down to the next comment to see what to do in the event that you win the lottery oh my god homicide becomes 20 times book so more likely someone's definitely going to kill you drug overdose bankruptcy how's that for irony kidnapping okay oh my god look look look well number 17 the sec spreadsheet I remember this it was beautiful a woman wrote a post about how her husband made a spreadsheet documenting all the time she refused to have sex with him the story made the national news that is how I found read it okay the sex spreadsheet it's a great story because everybody everybody falls on a different side of that you know that was it's so great okay here it is guys it's a spreadsheet the guy asks the woman for sex okay this was something that this this needed to be put in a retic collection okay here's the bottom line here's the bottom line the man asks the woman for sex on different dates and there you go here are the results look at all those knows baby look at all those knows now a woman is in a marriage with a man that does not entitle him to sex pretty much whatever he wants but uh that's a lot of nose you know that's a lot of nose I think maybe like it's like a once a week type thing and then and then he writes the excuse though so I don't we don't know where to fall because it's like you got under you got to wonder how bad was it where he decided a spreadsheet needed to a cure you know you know what I mean but at the same time I don't know how to feel it's a really touchy situation because it's ridiculous look at some of the excuses I'm watching the show a friends re-run I feel sweaty and gross I need a shower didn't shower until the next morning no nonverbal you know just no no I am exhausted I'm still a bit tender from yesterday I'm trying to watch the movie fell asleep 15 minutes later I'm too drunk I ate too much I just came back from the gym I feel gross I'm not feeling good I hate too much I'm sweaty and gross I'm tired I might be getting sick I still don't feel a hundred percent I need a shower I feel gross I'm too tired oh my god I know I don't I want to feel I want to I want to put myself in the in the mind space I want to be a I want to look at this from the perspective of both parties dude I just don't get it though you know I just don't get it because I can't wrap my mind around that I feel like if I ever ended up with a partner in a capacity where we're man and wife dude I would want I would want to think that we both line up sexually at least in our and our cravings for sex you know which isn't to say obviously that over time these uh these let's say the fire the passion of it doesn't diminish maybe maybe the the craving or the need for it doesn't finish over time maybe maybe the the attraction is lost on one if not both parties you know things happen but you know it had to be bad for him to reach a point where he was gonna make a spreadsheet and it does appear that the guy was pretty much asking every [ __ ] day you know oh boy look look look look it is oh boy you're too drunk a post reads lol you guys think that this was an attempt for Opie's husband to seduce Opie the dude dude dude okay dude look let's just continue up this [ __ ] I've seen enough I've seen enough tonight I've seen enough of the horrors that I'm reliving this is this is really like a red it's greatest [ __ ] hits compilation and and I'm I'm rethinking about some of the most I really do hate how passion and I get over that [ __ ] snail question or it's like you and a snail get a million dollars but if the snail touches you you die and the snail knows where you are at all times but like I said if the snail super-intelligent the first two things that he would establish right cuz he's already immortal he doesn't need to worry about dying the first two things that that snail would establish is one dude being able to maneuver you're a snail you can't get anywhere fast but you have a million dollars at your disposal okay figure out a way to maneuver and and what does that mean in Kyle's brain jetpack snail you're a jetpack snail now baby you're whizzing through the air with all the speed and grace of a of a multi @ you're a [ __ ] drone jeez a drone snail now you know he's coming at you helicopter snail coming at you dude all he's got to do is touch you and you're dead all right so that's one okay number two you need to expect that this other jackass is going to try and trap you so if you figure out a way to communicate with other people and make it make it clear to them that you got that money baby and if you and if you got Jobe if you got my back I got your back I'd use some of this snail money baby you want to snail money as we continue up to number 16 all right a guy trying to find a particularly obscure song and an anonymous person finds it the response to Opie thanking them was great what something incredible yet rather bizarre just happened to me I'm a bit flustered and I just need to tell someone says this guy okay I must warn you that this is a long and strange story sit down bust out the popcorn and prepare to be underwhelmed nope he did not say that wrong underwhelmed dude this this come on man you've got Daniel goddamn okay a year or so ago I was sitting around watching YouTube I didn't have a block at the time so I was watching an ad for the seat toca a car there was a song in the background of this ad and I loved it the ad was only about 30 seconds but the song was bloody amazing I was immediately determined to find the song I started watching the ad on repeat trying to figure out the lyrics so I could google the song to find it my usual strategy but nothing turned up people in the comment section were discussing the song several other people were trying to find it someone said it sounded like a guy called Mike something I can't remember the full name of the artist so I searched for Mike something and went through a lot of his disa discography but still no luck I tried searching his name plus lyrics but nothing I tried Shazam for those who aren't familiar this is an app that uses the microphone on your phone to identify songs the idea is that you play the song turn on the app and the app will tell you the name of the artist in the song but Shazam was bloody hopeless and couldn't identify the song I downloaded the app just for this one song and deleted it when it failed me and at this point I must admit that I was watching the 30 second ad once or twice a day once twice three times a YouTube ad just so I could listen to the song no matter how briefly my next step was to email the seat marketing company or department and I'm dead serious I actually did this I sent up a light email my nose just got itchy stories [ __ ] infecting me with its home oh I'm gonna catch transgender off of this [ __ ] story a few days later I got a reply the seat employee told me that the song was a special Commission the particular ad and wasn't available for general release essentially it's not a real song and there's no way to find it guys I'll tell y'all about a song one day that I loved like this to God [Music] don't old man about it kayo finish the thing first then we'll get into it alright essentially it's not a real song and there's no way to find it I was heartbroken but also felt a certain sense of closure I popped back into the youtube comment section and let everyone know about my findings I had been keeping my in real life friends updated throughout this entire saga they found it hilarious and mocked me for the effort that I was expending in order to find this song I'm the kind of guy who can be very determined if I want something I'll put a lot of effort into getting it Bing bong Bing bong this was just another weird project of mine which unfortunately didn't work out but so it goes I moved on I almost forgot about that song fast forward to today about one year after I originally heard the song I get a random PM on reddit it's from a user I've never spoken to a user who frequent subreddits that I'm not subscribed to and I have no idea who the person is the PM said simply to song turn the lights down artists to BSO the song is on Spotify but not on YouTube or anywhere else I made a Spotify account just to hear the song for random stranger pins you a song you have a duty to listen to it right well I think you can all guess where this is going yes yes it's the bloody song it's the actual song legit full version of the song I have no idea who the redditor is I have no idea how they found me and I have no idea oh my god oh my [ __ ] god I'm actually freaking out who are you how did you know what is going on thank you so much but also what the hell is going on there's response was maybe he's okay I [ __ ] you not never before have I felt such love for a total stranger so yeah wow this is pretty huge deal for me for context here's the ad that started it all no thank you the song is called turn the lights down low by the artist called BS oh the full song isn't actually as great as I had hoped what a story okay Jesus Christ Jesus Christ um I have to wonder if this has happened to everybody because I'm utterly willing to admit to you guys that there's a song that I heard as part of a commercial ones that I liked so much that I wanted to find that version of it okay but it seemed like that version didn't exist and was made exclusively for exclusively for the commercial it was an American Eagles Outfitters commercial okay and look how many views this guy it got 26 thousand views cuz I uploaded the video talking about how I was trying to find the song and I was detailing how this is a cover a remix of Nina Simone's feeling good okay it's it backs a recent American Eagles out for this commercial but get this it's crazy them I'm sharing this with you searches for the song have turned up nothing regardless of the criteria what is this 2001 I said okay so I humbly asked for aid in finding this song because honestly the passing of an awesome guy has has me feeling bad who knows who I was talking about then because people were dying left and right and whatever year I must have uploaded this stupid-ass thing but if this many people were willing to search for this [ __ ] song then you know it was doink you know what I'm talking about you know it was [ __ ] drunk all right I'm going to send you just this link so you guys can [ __ ] listen to the song and see that you know it's actually pretty interesting it's pretty it's pretty cool sounding you know but this was that [ __ ] what do I call this you know a rabbit you know that I was chasing I'm just like oh no Brooke you know this this song was as good as a as a peril elicit a tease or something you know damn but we have to continue and that's what matters we're almost done so congratulate yourselves on us getting through this Greatest Hits III felt kind of like this was gonna be yo oh my god like a clip show you know I feel I felt like this was gonna be the clip show of Kayal lists so I feel terrible in that regard but it's kind of fresh enough this is weird number 15 there was this guy who posted a comment on an ask reddit thread that told a story about how he ate Taco Bell and got the shit's and he was in the parking garage and he shacked and his [ __ ] ran down the stairs and onto multiple innocent civilians and it was on the news the next night no thank you you know you have to wonder if if if a fecal if a fecal situation gets out of control do the cops bring in like people to test the poop for a DNA free of charge you know I'm curious come on like the video [ __ ] and I'll give you some of that a lick pop I was gonna give you a leg down quacky says one of my favorite songs is only on vinyl not on YouTube are you are you are you a psychopath are you implying that you know there's no possible way for a song that's on final to be recorded and then put on anything else is that what you think quacky noodle I don't think you and I are from the same dimension this is this is earth c-137 okay just letting you know all right ria says i just laughed so hard that i almost threw up at what maria Little Billy said you heard about the wu-tang Martin shkreli thing did he give it up he gave up the wu-tang Campbell album oh my god the [ __ ] slash is [ __ ] up I'm usually just used to dragging phrases into the internet December 1st no it says he may have to give it up they're not gonna get this thing off the guy dude he's gonna live on and be able to be the supervillain that he wants to be dude I think he was just implying uh yes it's not on the web because it's the only version of the [ __ ] thing let's not talk about Martin shkreli II don't deserve it number 14 the guy who wanted to walk in on his female roommate masturbating he apparently finally did and said it went okay I remember that a guy made a post talking about how he could hear her because like she would do it against the wall or something and it would like vibrate the wall or something and he wanted to like time walking in and everybody was like excited to see how this would go here's the thing here's the separation between reddit back in the day and read it right now if he made that same post right now people would go you are [ __ ] disgusting you do not get to violate the privacy of her in her intimate time by barging in when you know that she might possibly be engaging in something that she does not want to be seen doing but back in the day everybody was like dude do it you know what I mean and that's the way the Internet should really be I can hear my roommate masturbating through the wall I feel like I want to go walk out there in the middle of it and everybody should be like dude do it you know what I mean do it dude like let's uh bring a camera yeah I'm sorry my comeback got mad got mad got mad dude oh my god suck my ass number 13 the woman who posted about loving her husband so much that she stayed with him even after realizing she wasn't bisexual but a lesbian her husband helped her realize it pointing out that she only looked at and commented about women when they were out together but he was her best friend and they made a family together and she chose to stay where she was happy from what I remember they still had sex a sex life and he did his best to make her happy in the bedroom I thought the idea of such a love as that was really beautiful a love so profound that it defies all barriers including sexual orientation and is beautiful I will upload that even though you're just telling a story about another poster you're [ __ ] stealing the credit you're stealing the credit on reddit in this [ __ ] credit stealing her credit on reddit goochy goochy goochy gang gucci gang up and is number 12 there was a guy who worked at a shipping dock in China and was a supervisor every time a crate was unloaded off the boat it had to be evaluated by someone and then radioed back to him the guy who was doing the checking didn't radio back so Opie sent another guy to go check what the hell the holdup was I remember the story and it was gruesome guy goes over and the radio goes dark again so hope he does an emergency shutdown on the entire factory and goes over himself and looks over from afar and see the two guys dead on the [ __ ] ground apparently the heavy the heavier than air inert gases were leaking from one of the crates and immediately suffocated the two guys it was one of those instances where reality can be just as terrifying as in a horror movie straight up those [ __ ] walked over here to check what the hell's going on on the job and they [ __ ] died I remembered a crazy part about this story is that the [ __ ] actually ended up getting in trouble because uh he worked in like a big-ass yard where like [ __ ] couldn't move along until [ __ ] got done you know what I'm talking about and the boats are like out there and they waiting to get this [ __ ] off and stuff like that and for him shutting down he actually got in trouble but in the reality like more people could have [ __ ] died that could have been like there could have been more fatalities but because this China baby and they don't give a [ __ ] about you you know what I'm talking about should I give a [ __ ] about you in China you want to go to watch people die right now we can go to watch people die right now there's not excitement in my voice I'm just saying there's some Russian [ __ ] on there man gets smashed in the back of his van by a truck I'm just gonna look at the top of it I'm just gonna look at the oh my god okay nevermind nevermind two men shot by hit home man I saw this the other day a man swiftly plunges a knife into his girlfriend's back after she refuses to buy him alcohol just in case you guys ever think that you know life is it's just as awful as it can be man this is your girlfriend and she refuses to buy you alcohol so in public as you guys are out you are plunging a knife into her back what a world stay away from watch people die kids it's a gateway to other [ __ ] man I'm telling ya man I'm telling ya uncle Jemima says when are we gonna see you run Cod Kayal as that Call of Duty World War two you may be one of the only two people invested in actually watching me play though because I would imagine it gets pretty repetitive regardless of how well or poorly I do now that's the stuff hostess number 11 the TI fu about a guy that gets high on mushrooms while his wife is asleep and ends up almost crying because he loses track of how many cats he has I laugh every time I read it now that's a hilarious story number 10 the guy who thought it was funny that he peed on his girlfriend's pregnancy test and he turned out to be pregnant as per an astute editor it actually turned out that he had testicular cancer oh my god in a follow-up post he got it checked out and had had a small tumor and as it was very early stages he had it treated immediately [Music] you're telling me that we as men can go by uh we can go by we can go by pregnancy test to figure out if we have testicular cancer and maybe catch it in its early stages boys looks like pregnancy tests are back on the menu okay looks like pregnancy tests are back on the menu boys okay oh boy oh man there's 69 people in the chat I want 69 likes because that's the hot number you know what I mean that's how you know you're getting in there you're all like wait a minute just keep this tastes kind of fishy I'm talking about I'm gonna need some tartar sauce that's not funny like that number nine that time when some guy saved a fellow redditor from poisoning yeah remember that but this story was so much more interesting than this summary makes it seem for those who don't know the story a guy wakes up and post-it notes are left all over the place and he gets really mad cuz he thinks that maybe his landlord or something is coming in and leaving post-it notes all over but in reality he was the one leaving the post-it notes dude and he was being slowly poisoned by a co pretty crazy [ __ ] sedation ourselves hello number eight the story about the guy who got into a fight and while he was knocked unconscious he said he lived a whole 10-year life yeah the life while he was in a coma he only realized he was living a dream because a lamp looked too distorted he eventually woke up and was saddened by the loss of his family pretty [ __ ] crazy number seven the one where that lad was in love with his friend for years and they'd done that if we're not married by this age will marry each other thing and the last ended up getting killed in a car crash just before they got together it messed him up so bad I don't think I'll ever forget that post well number six a story someone posted about a nasty waitress that they had not just bad service but actually rude as well the table the table was angry and decided not to leave a tip but the poster said no we should leave a tip we're not having a bad night we don't have a problem so why wouldn't we tip they tipped especially well and left a note saying that they hoped her night got better and they saw her go by the table before they walked out she opened the booklet then sat down in the booth and started crying while she being a [ __ ] and you were waitress though you really got a [ __ ] you really got to sort your [ __ ] out though you know this is not the place to come in you know are you how you gonna be rude to you know you having a bad day okay bad day okay ladies but you rude too and you wait you waiting on people this is your job though you understand that this is your job that's the thing that's the thing some girls don't need to be waitresses real talk you need a damn man as a waitress the thing is the girl waitresses can get tipped so that's why they do it but you wanna you want to efficient [ __ ] making making [ __ ] happen you need a man waitress you know I'm talking about or a waiter okay girls make great hostesses okay they are great maybe even bartenders okay I don't know number five okay the post where some guy revealed that he'd been sitting on the rim to [ __ ] his entire life because he thought the toilet seat was meant for women [ __ ] on the edge of the Brie watching the trash sorry nobody's gonna get that reference isn't that by like Otis Redding let's see let's see let's sittin on the dock of the sitting on the dock of the bay is a song by Otis Redding yet is oh boy where you shouldn't yeah I don't know nothing about that hold on let me get it now what come on come on wait a minute see known the dawning son that's enough you idiot finish the damn list you're only like four out my favorite one is probably the guy who posted a TI fu about his adopted son who he had raised with heavy influence from his native Chinese culture he visits China and regularly gives Chinese lessons and everything and it turns out the kid was actually Korean it's since been deleted dude this is brilliant how did I miss this one how did I miss this one oh boy number three guys the one where someone was having a mental health episode and posted that the doctor planted a tracker in his arm as a result he hadn't left the house and had run out of food days before the whole damn thread gently coaxed him into going to the ER if only reddit could catch more crazy people like Randy stair I ain't playing look that boy up when y'all done go to sleep to a video about Randy stare because you're gonna you're gonna be laughing in the beginning no way you won't be laughing in the beginning because I've already told you this guy ended up killing people you know what I mean so it's all fun and games until until he/she actually gets a weapon and just starts and you know what the scariest part was is that there could be somebody out there right now just just crazy enough to be like going out there planning to kill people and actually get away with it because you know most people would think they're [ __ ] imagine imagine right now there are plenty of people on the internet that are just laying around and people are just like Yeah right like they're a girl with a suicide attempt I went there Oh like I said all right what was the hashtag before it was something like topless for suicide god you're a monster number two as we roll up and I'm about to finish this you see chlamydia just jumped out at you oh no it's trying to get you it's trying to get you sometimes just words just jump out of the story and you're just like wait a damn minute you know but number two reads as follows koalas are [ __ ] horrible animals they have one of the smallest brain-to-body ratios of any mammal mammal try that again okay additionally their brains are smooth a brain is folded to increase the surface area of neurons if you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch laid on a flat surface the Koala will not recognize it as food they are too thick to adapt to their feeding behavior to cope with change in a room full of potential food they can literally starve to death this is not the token of an animal that is winning at life speaking of stupidity and food one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous eucalyptus leaves the only thing that they eat they have almost no nutritional value they can't afford the extra energy to think they sleep more than 80 percent of their [ __ ] lives and when they are awake all they do is eat [ __ ] and occasionally scream like [ __ ] Satan because eucalyptus leaves hold such loot little nutritional value koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end what unlike their brains they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal many herbivores mammals have adapted to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw grinding plant matter on bony plates in the top of their mouths others have enlarged molars that distribute though hmm koalas are no exception when their teeth erode down to nothing they resolve the situation by starving to death because they're [ __ ] terrible Oh No being mammals koalas raised their Joey's on milk admittedly one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio there's a trend here when the young Joey needs to transition from rich and nourishing substances like milk to eucalyptus a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten it finds it does half the necessary it finds that it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves to remedy this the young Joey begins nuzzling it's a mother's Amos until she leaks a little diarrhea which he then proceeds to slurp on this partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system of course he may not even have needed to be to bother nuzzling his mother she may have been suffering from incontinence why because koalas are riddled with chlamydia in some areas the infection rate is 80 percent or higher this sadistic tit this statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape despite being seasonal breeders males seem to either not know or care and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating if she fights back he may drag them both out of the tree which brings us a full circle back to the brain koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains this is to protect their brain from injury should they fall from a tree an animal so thick it has to bill has to has his own little built-in special ed helmet I [ __ ] hate them too long didn't read koalas are stupid Leakey STI riddled sex offenders but hey they look cute if you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet [Music] just a bit of just a bit of but slurping just a bit of but slurping ladies and gentlemen I'd like to thank you for this uh this journey that we've taken together want to thank you for being you when I think my sponsors for doing what they do you guys are hardcore you guys wouldn't murder a whole bunch of people you're too busy murdering me with love Wow want to thank my patrons for going above and will Dale gonna be my last stream for a while so I'm a leave in style swooshes cape gang gang I'm sorry that it's gonna be your last one for a while shock I hope whatever you endeavor to do you do with style and grace and that you'll be back following whatever you do at your own pace you know relatively soon I wish you luck in your endeavor and I hope that you keep it a keep it right keep it tight you know so I thank you shocked when I thank my patrons again for just being amazing you guys are like the spice of life you know what I mean power to the world spice up my life every boy and every girl spice up my life people of the world spice up my life Oh and thank all of you for being here Wow so as we finish this the list a 50 unforgettable reddit posts goddamn we arrive in number one what could it be someone selects the one where the girl accidentally set her language to Spanish so that everyone just replied in Spanish to [ __ ] with her guys just so you know somebody came in to ask reddit one day and was like everything he's in Spanish please help me and then everybody started speaking Spanish in the thread it was pretty rude it was pretty rude this was reddit in its heyday man seven years ago I'm slowly dying I'm slowly dying oh my god oh my god simplemente via supe página de preferences Ibuki la opción de idiomas appro appro piatto si Senora megusta gato is a gateau cat what is he saying you bastards I would love if it were all just gibberish like this problem I'm sorry it just caught me off guard that really did catch me off guard the [ __ ] sombrero on the bastard oh man no somos extra news farmer too compromiso totally is lo que estoy been asado is and instead no open ned why does this keep coming up this this keeps coming up dude who just keeps coming up i'm this close to destroying all of my [ __ ] um something's doing this something's causing this and i'll destroy every [ __ ] arm every userscript and every [ __ ] extension i have until i figure out how to stop it cuz it's kinda my damn nerves it's this what are you and where did you come from where did you come from where did you go you were an extension the entire time and i was removing user scripts goddamnit no get the [ __ ] out of here what did i just say did i get it out good it was it's been opening tabs what a dumbass extension way to get yourself removed why are you opening tab so like out of nowhere what are you doing not gonna download all my user scripts of tampermonkey again and they were probably they were probably mint old school oh wait a minute if i downloaded them they're on the computer it's gonna be a simple drag-and-drop ladies and gentlemen guys give me a snapchat let me know that you love me um otherwise you know send me messages like on uh on PSN sometimes I don't respond to your PSN messages because you know I don't see when I sign on to PSN it's not like they pop up for me you know so sometimes I just forget to check my messages and sometimes I forget to check them for months it gets pretty good here's an example let me go ahead and put somebody on blast it's not like I'm doing anything rude you know I'm just I'm just gonna show you guys I'm gonna show you guys what's up whoa all right so here's a there's some on psi right now a guy named Rojas sends me a message you know June 4th 2017 are you a youtuber like he doesn't know you know what I mean this [ __ ] you know god damn June 22nd 2017 can I join your session I'm just a huge fan of you huge police okay pretty good so I mean this time he gives it a day but you know I appreciate that I appreciate when you knock it off for a little bit and then you come back you know so June 23rd 2007 let's play okay so this one he gives roughly about a month you know so now we're in July July 26 2017 thank you for thanks for telling me that I don't know what I'm really clearly I didn't say anything so maybe maybe he's on the stream and I was playing a game or something and he was in the chat and then I said something to him him and he sends me a message and he's like oh my god I love your balls you were the best bye I won't bother you anymore good streaming though Kayal good streaming please join I'm a big fan please please that was today he sent this today so look I'm sorry that I didn't join you know I need you to understand that I'm one of those guys that just has this system on pretty much all the damn time as opposed to ever getting anything done you know how it is you know I'm terrible at it I'm sorry now RIA is saying that Linda has a question so allow me to quickly check that out I love having this [ __ ] [ __ ] hooked up to my computer now it's [ __ ] drunk Linda said Linda game stream later aren't you adorable you just want something to go to sleep to see I blew the lid off that you didn't I knew you didn't think God no no I don't know what's a stream that's the real question you know I want to stream so much but the main thing I want to stream is a game called persona and that shit'll get me [ __ ] uh that [ __ ] will get me [ __ ] blocked so hard what you guys should do is um you subscribe to me on Twitch because I think if I'm gonna stream uh if I'm gonna stream persone anywhere it's gonna be on Twitch and I'm gonna do it in the hopes that I um you know if something goes wrong then it goes wrong there cuz I you know I don't care I don't care what goes on over there um the little billy mafia says dude my mind went to the exact same place when you said where did you come from you know peppermint stripes skl say--but juga bet you gah oh my god stripes looks like right on the border I don't know why she's giving me that crap hey how come I don't know any Hispanic girls there's no Hispanic girls in this in the streams anymore there used to be a lot but now now there's no Hispanic girls in the stream do you know what I mean oh [ __ ] I started a VR chat by accident talk about a force a habit I thought I was a boy I thought I was starting up stardew valley cuz I was trying to play that earlier star two valleys boring as [ __ ] and I don't know how to plant anything not true I did plant things start using stardew valley boring as [ __ ] and i don't know how to get [ __ ] to plant maybe I got to go into town and buy it but town is confusing town looks my balls I just want to stay on my farm chop down trees and I don't know minecraft that's what you want it's what you wanted to you so how is everybody is everybody ok things making sense let's see what's going on on the redhead balls alright Wow a wing pilot just just became a twitch subscriber guys I should really make a UH [Music] man people are just projecting [ __ ] all over uh oh wow with the poop emoji Stu where are people getting a hold of these [ __ ] you know if aren't you I bet you I bet you Elijah not Elijah would Shia LaBeouf I bet Shia LaBeouf is kicking himself that he hadn't taught us before Oh Megan says hey Kyle just tuning in you're at the end of the stream I've been doing this for 2 hours and 16 minutes okay and you missed it all not that you are [Music] people are making memes of the [ __ ] ballistic missile [ __ ] alert that went out I guess if you can't joke about you know potential death you know I'm talking about imagine being somewhere for real and um and like and then a missile is coming for your ass like what the [ __ ] I don't know what to say all I know is um I eat I want to know what you guys would enjoy most I think it's important to make clear I downloaded I downloaded a game called jazzpunk earlier today which is pretty dated but I I think it wouldn't suck I think it'd be interesting you know Jesus says he gotta go so Jesus I hope you have a fantastic night and I hope things make sense for a days you know Anna Beach I really do stripe says she want to see jazzpunk to be honest I realized I haven't [ __ ] finished uh [ __ ] finished South Park I haven't finished Super Mario Sunshine I feel like I cheese zelda but to be honest the game just ended straight up meaning I'm talking about that was a sweet take off I'm not gonna lie ok let's try it again oh my god [Music] oh my god J says what game is this is Grand Theft Auto you mean what game is this you've never seen this blade girl you know you seen Grand Theft Auto played now why it strikes why would you say Super Mario Sunshine now now why would you say that hmm [Music] goddammit stop calling me God get up deal okay Kimmy Kimmy and me [ __ ] this game oh boy um huh I hope you enjoyed that list we need to find things that are more interesting to be honest not that that was a bad list oh I pulled up a secondary list which was kind of cute but kind of irrelevant I think the list was uh what are some darker unknown corners of Reddit that the average redditor doesn't know about interesting to say the least some pie Queen says GTA really evolved huh they just put a DeLorean in the game that's really all they did one flying car and then I had sold like a whole bunch of old cars that I had on a secondary account to get the money to buy it I really wanted it and now I have it so who cares um number one says I put our in front of my username one day and found a subreddit with a single post correcting a shower thought I had you imagine if somebody was so mad at you front paging over something that was in their eyes incorrect that they made a subreddit that was your name and then corrected you like I just like a Internet middle finger do you like can you somebody says controllable webcams what the [ __ ] there are many other webcams out there like these so creepy what well yeah all those webcams are for public use or relax dead redditors I did you get what it is in the title there you don't have to wonder chip Chan is this a girl who like she believes she's being controlled by corrupt police officer she sleeps all day in front of a webcam and when she woke when she wakes up she is usually appearing to be in a lot of distress this isn't fun well guys I mean sometimes I wonder sometimes I wonder hey earlier today I donated to e.t.c does anybody know who they are anybody know who et Cie is mmm chip chan this [ __ ] is creepy the Internet is creepy [Music] that's funny that's funny thanks but I'm not in the market for a microscope right now salesman says that's okay here take my business card this text is so tiny I can't read this salesman boy do I have the product for you unbelievable of course stripes go etc' gay come on girl all right oh my god okay all right guys get a hold of me you already know what time it is I'm gonna try to make something different soon because uh you know how I do I have to stay fresh I can't just I don't know so yeah look forward to one of my random things that I pump out regardless of whether or not people are gonna be interested love you you know where to find me have a wonderful night wish you the best of days just a amazing and everybody do well later

Channel: Cyael

Views: 19,600

Rating: 4.4402728 out of 5

Keywords: funny, confession, top ten

Id: pLnQX5EDvxo

Length: 144min 17sec (8657 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 13 2018