5 Areas That Can Make or Break Your Financial Success (With Dr. John Delony)

foreign hey you guys welcome to this episode of the Rachel Cruz show and today so excited because one of my great friends and fellow Ramsey personality Dr John deloney is here with me good to see you you like you like this you like you like that I love I love sitting on on the couch that's it well glad you're back thanks thanks so John is a mental health wellness and relationship expert and host of the Dr John deloney show and best-selling author and so today I want to dive in and talk through kind of five big areas of money okay and five areas that we talk a lot on this show about but I want to talk about not just how it how it affects you with your money and your finances specifically but also your mental health and also your relationships because money plays and is woven into every part of our lives and we feel that and so uh yeah I kind of just want to dig in let's jump all right ready debt debt we're going in first debt so from whatever what I've experienced and talking with people over the years is that there is a truth that when you owe someone money right you have you don't have as many options in life you don't have as much Freedom so we talk about becoming debt free there is a freedom to that that yes your paycheck is freed up to be able to give and invest and spend and it's your money coming to you that you actually get to keep but there's also this Freedom you know emotionally spiritually that just kind of releases when you don't owe someone money so that's kind of like the top layer that we talk about here but I would love for you to just to like go a layer or two under that and really dissect it because it it debt really can't affect you on so many levels yeah I think um that everything you just said is absolutely 100 true I think underneath it there's a machine that's running that's important for us to to understand what's happening and actually I'm working with a couple of researchers who are running these experiments now and so I'm going to have some true hard scientific data back up what I know to be true so here's what's going on in our heads our our minds are are broken up into a couple of distinct pieces one that is always scanning environment for threats things that your brain knows means you're not safe right that you are under threat your housing may go away your relationships may go away right big important things and there's another part of our brain that is our frontal lobe that is and this is so nerdy I know but it it is looking for what's rational thinking right is this a good deal is is this a good idea for my future self right yep when you go sign for a car note and it's zero percent down for 60 60 months or whatever your frontal lobe knows hey that's a good deal right I get to keep my money at home and I'll pay for this later it's a problem for future John that feels good the threat detection part of our brain starts spinning up because it knows you don't get to decide what you do tomorrow Toyota Motor Company does Honda decides what you do tomorrow the bank decides it bank now is control of your life and your body knows you're not safe and as Van Der kolk says the body keeps the score so I can convince myself to go ahead and act because this is a quote-unquote good deal or it makes sense right now or we got to get a bigger car because whatever right we're having another baby or what yeah whatever yeah this uh this lump of human needs a whole other Row in the back of the SUV right um we can convince ourselves of all these things but our bodies know oh we're not safe anymore because if you miss one payment miss the job yeah you have no more Transportation right that goes away the interesting thing about debt specifically because mathematically you know you can you can does that make sense yes you can talk it you can talk yourself into it um so how often does that switch between the feeling part of your brain and the rational part well here's what's Wild when the threat detection system sets the alarm it actually unhooks the thinking part yeah right so it's spinning all the time 24 7. so we talked to people a lot you and I who owe six figures of debt they got student loans they got um car notes they got credit cards and they'll talk about how they feel like they they go to bed at night and they wake up and they're still exhausted yeah your body won't let you fully go to sleep because it's waiting to not die right like you talk we talked to couples who are married and they're together but they're not connected your body doesn't have time for sex or intimacy because it's trying to not die right and then we talk to people who've paid off all their debts and they talk about this it just feels something's different that's a body who goes okay because now we can relax right now we can actually lean into intimacy we can lean into oh you want to sleep let's sleep right it's a totally different it's a totally different physiology because your body is not under duress anymore which is so huge because again and people that advocate for debt and they do all the math and they show you all the formulas and all that like they don't put this kind of stuff into account like you can't put a number and a formula and a great interest rate on that part of your brain right I'm like I think there is something in there and so I think that's a really important part you guys to to really focus on is that that getting out of debt that Journey for you while you're sacrificing and we talk about that a lot on the show the end result is almost even greater than probably what you could even expect because there's something that you may not even realize is going on that's exactly right in your body so that's amazing um okay so that was Dad let's talk about budgeting okay because budgeting one reason I love it is I feel like it's like healthy or unhealthy I can control a level of my life there right like you're like okay my money's coming in and I can set a plan you know one time we get to decide what we want to do this month with that money like there's there's so many things in life that we can't control these days and I feel like even the last like right two three years we've all experienced that on a great level so for me yes I love knowing that you know I'm being wise with my money like all of that feels good I'm spending money I have so I felt permission to spend that's all the stuff I talk about but there's this level of control for me that I think deep down it just like it just feels good to be able to say I have power over something oh can I tell you what I think it really is it's not that natural issues no it's not I don't know there's control what I think control feels good right and we're going to control we can control we're gonna we're gonna create a plan but if you go look at every religious tradition throughout history part of it is Con there's always confession there's always giving and there's always this other word and we hate it but it's submission it's taken a knee it's this idea of here is something I'm going to giving myself over to and so when you create a budget the control part is up front I'm gonna wrap my arms and I'm gonna I'm gonna the money and what we're gonna spend and then there's a submission to the process this is what we agreed on this is who we're going to be this is who this is the road map towards the family we want to become and your body again goes submission right and we hate that word I I Rachel sure I hate that word sure but there's something around a lot it is it is I'm super abused yeah but there's something about saying hey we're gonna save up to buy this thing and that means over the next seven months we're gonna sacrifice things that we want in the moment for this thing that we want are you in I'm in I'm going to submit to this plan and there's just some peace that comes along with that because we know where we're headed and then how much of that practice right with our money translates into you know maybe your marriage and your parenting this level of like I'm gonna give myself over I'm gonna submit myself to this specific plan but does that feed into other relational parts of your life too yeah it's a it's a proxy for the way we live our lives right so we have so we just finished with Christmas right we're into the new year let's say let's go back to before Christmas we decide we're going to visit my family visiting my family comes with some high highs and some low lows it just is Right everyone has those those things when I decide I'm going to visit my family I am submitting to all of it and so me fighting it and getting worked up and anxious and getting angry but what a waste of time I said I'm doing this and I learned that through doing a budget every month I could through the budget process get so mad and angry every month why I decided yeah and I'm doing it because of a future goal same with visiting families same with taking a new job same with moving to a new town same with couples coming to some hard disagreements in their marriage I'm going to submit to the process I said I'm in you said you're in now let's just figure this thing out that's so good and I love that yes so it starts over where I would see like the control feels good because there's so many things out of control so I can control that but ultimately what I'm saying is I'm as I'm dying to myself in a sense to this plan and I'm going to trust it and follow it because in turn it actually is the thing that's going to help me that's right there's control until you put the pin down yeah and then it's about submission love it okay so that was budgeting let's dive into saving okay so saving uh gives a level of security I think for a lot of people so not only do you have the actual tangible means to go and do stuff or have an emergency fund or you're saving for retirement out for the future you're delaying pleasure in the moment look in the future right all of that it is it's so good um but man there's there's a security piece to that and for women the top Financial fear is the lack of security when it comes to money if something happens am I going to be okay right that fear starts to creep in so I see on a financial side that security blanket we talk about the safety net that's really what it is but talk about like again your body your mental health what does it do when you have savings it's very similar to owing money right when your body knows one wrong thing one flat tire one one loss of a bonus right and now we live in a world where people live they budget in their bonuses right and when you don't get that bonus it has a dominant reverse domino in all of your of your life right um your body knows we're not okay right if you have an emergency fund and you don't get the bonus it's annoying it's something you complain about to your friends right or you're like oh my gosh it's not catastrophic right and so there's again there's something physiological about the piece I know I've done what I can and come with me right it and I always get that like what about if the monetary system collapse you know what I'll deal with that one right I don't have a plan for that because yes the moon could could take off into orbit right or whatever if there really is a moon right right you don't know we supposedly landed on it but I don't know I don't know but um I'm going to control it I can control and I'm then I'm gonna have peace yes that's so great so one of the things I always hate thinking about what if something happens to me what if something happens to my husband Winston what's going to happen to the family there is a great solution you guys that really takes that part of worrying and stress and the not good feeling kind of puts it at ease and that is term life insurance and Winston and I personally use Xander insurance and they're the best they make the whole process you guys so easy you give them your information and they go and they shop the top rated companies for the best policy for you and your family's needs so no one should go without term life insurance so go check out Xander Insurance just go to xander.com to make sure that your family's future is taken care of foreign so I feel like yes we're similar in this way that it's exciting right and there's reasons why we spend there's great fun reasons that you do within you know a wide system of not going into debt and it's in the budget and you have permission to do it and you get to go do it and great but there's also the unhealthy side of the spending which uh we all experience right so whether you're doing it to impress someone else whether you're doing it kind of for like a power grab that oh this is gonna make me feel hey let's talk through this because I think you and I have a very similar issues but they come from different places um why do you spend like why does what does spending get you uh I still have this thought oh if I just had those earrings like those are that like everything will be okay like I just feel a certain way I feel that yeah I'll be good I'll be good if I just have that okay and I still I still buy it yeah even though as I'm doing it I'm like that's not true I was just thinking God why should wear those earrings terrible ideas and so I spend um I grew up with with we didn't have a lot yeah right and especially no name brand stuff and we always had hand-me-downs and so for me spending is this weird way to try to get a steam back like look at the brands I'm wearing right um our friend Joshua Phil milburns was talking about how he literally takes the brands off his shirts because I don't want to be advertisement for somebody else and I thought I would never do that and then ask myself why yeah and I thought oh because I derive status from that brand right and then I thought that's shameful right so that's what I spend and spend and spend and spend and spend because I keep trying to get um affirmation that I'm enough yes yeah totally so there's all that right we could probably list 10 different reasons on why people spend again not in a healthy sense so what does it do to us when we believe these lies that it's going to give me this level of status that I feel like I I I want and that that status will fulfill something in me or if I could just have those earrings I'll I'll be great I don't need any more just just as one parent like like that kind of floating and living spending in those ways that again is so hard you guys because I'm like even if you have the money and even if it's in the budget there's still some great questions to ask yourself about your motivation and so when we spend and not a great motivation what does that do what does that do to us I I mean it I think it it I mean we could go down a whole nerdy dopamine rabbit hole which we don't need to do but I think ultimately it can it continues to push the the finish line for them enough or I have worth and it gets further further away from you and once you get down a certain path it's really hard to change direction it's hard to um it becomes an addiction right and whether it's addiction and purchasing addiction and alcohol addiction and whatever any number of things you're chasing this continual feeling this continual oh then it will be and then it will be and so I think there's something about unhooking from The Matrix and just saying I'm not playing that game anymore yes that's right I'm not going to seek um I'm not trying to get happiness that's not the goal right the goal is I want to be a present dad the goal is I want to be a a great husband the goal is I want to be awesome at my job and show off right and so I'm going to pursue those things I'm not going to present pursue stuff yep yep and that's what's so tricky about all this is I'm like or what's frustrating not tricky that you know the truth is I'm like yeah and and we can know what is right and wrong but having the maturity in the moment before the purchase to be able to say you know what I'm gonna wait that's why we talk about the 24-hour rule here because you allow whether it is again the adrenaline or the dopamine or that feeling of like I know it's not going to but in the moment I'm my feelings my emotions feel different uh unplugging from that Matrix for a day is amazing what it does it's all about the Gap right between stimulus and response right between that feeling of I need to and just wait and just wait right and and I think this is an important marker that I've heard repeatedly since I've started um coasting the Ramsay show and I've experienced in my own life well I think back to the days when I didn't have anything and I was pacing my house my wife and I had six figures a day I was pacing my house I didn't know which Bill we were going to pay or not pay I remember impulse buying to try to make that hurt go away now I'm in a different financial position and I think you and I were talking about off air I was on a hunting trip I have the top of the line I have the Cadillac gear and the guy who I showed up as an old friend of mine he had the Bentley gear and I got home I have no need for any more camouflage clothes people none and I was had it all in the little shopping cart like all I need to get the Bentley and it wasn't a matter of I couldn't afford it it was a matter of why would you do this because I could afford it I could I have a budget line for stupid purchases my wife put she literally put a for whatever stupid thing John's gonna buy um but I had to ask myself why am I buying this right because I don't need it I don't really even want it oh it's a validation thing right and so I took a break I took 24 hours and I ended up not buying it yeah that's and again it's that stuff you guys it's that layer of this that financially you can have the box and it's perfect but when you plug a human and when you plug Us in it can kind of change that yes change that formula so I'll tell you one quick hack yeah I hate hacks but um the 24-hour rule doesn't work well for me so I've had to put another layer in here's my layer online nope it's not about time I click out of the the window on my computer yes instead of just minimizing it because what I would do is I would shop for something online I would drag it into there into the shopping cart on the on the digital shopping cart yeah and then I wait 24 hours I wouldn't make it right I'd get up the next morning and I've been thinking about it so when I have to actually log back in get all back and everything that causes enough of a barrier for me to slow me down it's so good I love that okay last but not least giving mm-hmm so you know there's been studies done we've talked about it on the show too what giving does and we talk about a lot of the selflessness that comes into play right when you start to give your money it's a sacrificial statement that you're doing and you're saying okay I'm going to worry less and think about me less as I'm giving so that's that selfish selfless um perspective uh starts to move and you start to move to being more selfless and how that plays into every area of your life so what have you seen though when people start giving what does that do again in your body what does that do relationally how does it cause giving is the antidote to anxiety Planet plain and simple it it takes your eyes and really it's not the cure for depression but it's the path out right depression anxiety all those um alarm systems Force us to look inside ourselves and begin to live inwardly and that's healthy to see what's this what's the threat what's going on sure but you can't live like that right and it's really easy to live like that and then you're scrolling and it's telling you how awful everything is and it's all coming down and oh my gosh look what she's wearing look what he got it just it causes the spiral to spin Tighter and you just look further and further into your own belly button yeah giving is a physical act that makes you pull your eyes up yeah absolutely it's it's some it's that simple right and I remember when I didn't have a lot 10 bucks to The Waffle House waiter a waitress is a shape-shifter moment right um being able to give a couple hundred bucks right that becomes a powerful powerful moment and so for me in my life now going back to purchases I like to balance them out if I'm going to spend this much money on a guitar I'm going to give this much money recklessly right and it is a way to keep me from what about me what about it just is a much Freer open-handed way to live yes and brings off I mean that's the stuff that I mean honestly the it's the joy we talk about that you can't get from the stuff right we're not mad at stuff and all that but but there is something that releases inside of you and in your spirit and in your soul that is so different when you give so that's so great Okay so we've been talking again a lot about you know mental Wellness relationships what's going on that's deeper than just money but our money affects all of that so John I would love to know from you what are a couple of things people can do today just overall to become mentally healthier um I mean we've said um control you can control which is your budget control Gene control which is either how much you're spending or how much is coming in the door and I I don't say that to say to be trite you can't control what your boss is paying your boss is paying you what your boss is paying you right but if you got to go to second or third or fourth job for a particular season that's the season right so there's something empowering about saying today's the day I act right um the second thing is is not one buddy anybody any money there's just something so profoundly physiologically powerful about not owing anybody any money um and then the third thing is is just give recklessly yeah and I know we don't like you and I were like everything's so like be intentional be intentional just give unintentionally give like a mad house right and um have whatever your line item is for giving put more in it especially in the new year one of the things about tithing I think we've kind of messed it up a little bit because we've made that like what's the percentage I know instead of a way of being yes right yes so start thinking Less in percentages and More in identity this is who I am that's who I am I don't give her yep I love that that's so great well you guys I hope you enjoyed this because again our money yes affects the numbers in our life it affects our investments and our bank account all that absolutely but there's deeper things going on and you can kind of get control over that or see the bigger picture I think it allows for more motivation those of you that are getting out of debt or you're funding your emergency fund and there's been a season of sacrifice for you like I hope this is just encouragement that what you're doing you're going down a path and only financially is going to help you and for you but also in so many other areas of your life like your mental health and your relationship so John thank you so much thanks for having for coming on where can everyone find you just at ramseysolutions.com or at John deloney on the internet on the internet's everywhere and the Dr John deloney show yes or podcast star so make sure to check that out because it's so so great all right you guys well again I hope this gave you some encouragement and motivation for whatever season you are in so remember to take control of your money and create a life you love [Music]

Channel: Rachel Cruze

Views: 96,311

Keywords: the rachel cruze show, the rachel cruze show youtube, money, budget, how to save money, budgeting, personal finance, rachel cruze, save money, how to budget, debt, saving money, save, how to make money, ramsey, finance, how to get out of debt, debt free, 5 Areas That Can Make or Break Your Financial Success (With Dr. John Delony)

Id: WGDiegiP3LU

Length: 22min 23sec (1343 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 18 2023