3ABN Today Live - To Have And To Hold On To (TL018527)

I want to spend my can people wanna spend [Music] lord [Music] hila hard then [Music] and they broken people [Music] hello and welcome to our special Thursday Night Live we're coming to you live here from Thompson Ville / West Frankfort Illinois and we are so grateful that you join us each and every day especially for these Thursday night programs we appreciate your prayers and financial support of the ministry of 3abn we're definitely a team you and us and the Lord Jesus Christ and we're reaching lives for eternity can't get any better than that it's been a good week here at 3abn last week it's hard to believe we were in Orlando Florida at ASI and here we are in the beautiful cornfields of southern Illinois I tell you what I wish I had a live drone shot drones are those little hillock copter little things you use with remote control right outside a 3abn there's a beautiful cornfield and so when Jill and I leave each evening we come straight toward charlie good road and there's a beautiful cornfield that's over 40 acres of corn it's just growing so tall we've had some wonderful rain this week the Lord is good we've done some programming here at 3abn but it's a blessing to serve the Lord Jesus Christ and tonight we have a really special program it's entitled and I love this title it says to have and to hold on and so we're here Jill and I with Pastor John Loma King and his beautiful wife Angie Angela Loma King you guys are family you're not guests no 3abn family and you guys were down in Orlando as well yes sorry it's a blessing to be with Eddie aside because there's a lot of excitement that's right there there's a lot of people that are on fire for the Lord Jesus Christ and and how they can share Jesus in the marketplace amen I love ASI just seeing what God is doing in other ministries and it just makes me excited to want to do more for the Lord Jesus Christ but we are excited about tonight's program because pastor John and Angie are going to share with us tips keys to building relationships their marriage is 35 years strong and going and Greg and I are probably 20 years behind that because we are 15 years neck month of 16 years but I know the Lord has blessed you both were though incredible marriage but we could be sitting here and saying well it's just a gift from God but there are keys and principles to making that marriage work right that is what they're going to be sharing with us here tonight Pastor John is a relationship coach you could say does relationship counseling and of course you know his director of world evangelism here at 3abn the pastor our pastor of the Thompson ville seventh-day Adventist Church and we know Angie his host for the crossroads for a program on three bein radio hey and you also do a lot of editing radio editing there too so to have both you here and I am excited about this program and it is a live program so we want you to call in right now even just now your questions your requests regarding relationships now this program is not just for people who are married though is it no no actually it's not that's a good point cuz some of the home could just say oh you know up to having to hold on it's on relationships on marriage you know what no I'm single I'm done with this I've been through something horrible and my marriage have been through divorce or something like that click off don't don't do that okay so pastor tell us why pertains to everyone well everybody everybody wants relationships to work and if you want to learn how to ride a bicycle and you never have it be good to have somebody who's been riding a bicycle for 35 years to help train you and so my wife a great an Ellie it is what would you say hon about what why why people that are not married to wash your program oh um they they have parents who maybe their parents were you know divorced or maybe they have gone through what lost a husband or you know death this program is for you really is so it's for everyone isn't it true and then we're gonna also share a pre pre marriage experiences - yeah so we're not just gonna talk about marriage you're gonna talk about dating because we I don't want to cuddle one's the way we dated for nine years so if you add that on under the 35 onto the 35 that's so that's also for those who are maybe courting maybe dating may just Mets maybe of just met somebody maybe wondering about how cuz Angie has some tremendous principles and things that she is gonna share which helped me when she met me and so we're talking about a lot of things yeah you know posture this is gonna be really neat because a lot of times I know that people see you as the pastor and they hear your sermons and Angie know a radio or they're with Pastor John on a program but this is actually gonna be it may be a different aspect that people maybe don't really hear your story and also regarding the relationship you mention nine years we're gonna get into more detail right oh yeah that's a good point about no see we live in a bubble I mean if you're part of the 3bn family you've seen us Angie and I say wherever we go in the world people know us they see us but we don't want this program just to be about us so because you know you could kind of pour chocolate all over somebody's cake and just knew you know all they do is talk about themselves we want this program to glorify the Lord so we're gonna talk about principles that are not just about us how our marriage works and how we have grown and how we have navigated through the 35 years but we also want to communicate principles that anybody watching the program whether you are preparing for marriage whether you this is your second marriage or third marriage or your marriage is on the rocks or your marriages in recovery a lot of a lot of those things we're gonna talk about we're gonna talk about some uncomfortable things we're going to talk about some scriptural principles and so that's great tuned because we want to make sure that when we when the program is done we have not just sugar-coated the program we're gonna talk about things that will really say well can a marriage work and that's why we didn't just say to have them to hold yeah I like the whole that's right because we have determined we said it's just last week on the plane to each other at dinner we said when the trumpet sounds we want to rise together yeah Christ's second coming that's the coming of Christ whether we whether he raises us together if we go to sleep before the Lord comes we want to make sure in our well we met you know buried side by side you know if we could get some special put my hand outside and put outside we just hold on until the skin is back and we rise together in a light-hearted way we we firmly believe that because God creates marriage he has a special purpose for it and we have learned through the years in trial and error in allowing our individuality as well as our collectiveness to file each other down now my wife may not be in the public eye very much but we have this statement that if I didn't have Angie I would so much of Who I am wouldn't be real well as the Lord knew exactly why I needed to have in my life isn't a woman that has her own backbone and I feel the same about you I didn't have you I wouldn't be Who I am today so we help each other don't we we we we live for the Lord but we live to make each other happy too and it's always been that way but we'll talk about that man and one equation I want to make this mathematical equation for the for the guys that are watching this program if you think that marriage is 50/50 you don't know math and you don't know women marriage is not 50/50 about how those things work and we had a cute little outline but we're not going to necessarily follow it in sequential order but with your questions and your comments maybe in the second hour we'll try to cover as much as we can amen let me give that addressed right now we want to encourage you the call center is open now so you can give us a call right now and six one eight six two seven four six five one that number again is six one eight six two seven four six five one or you can email us live Li ve at 3abn TV that's Li ve at 3abn TV so if you are just married or you are dating someone and considering marriage or possibly your marriage is fifty years down the road and you still have a question or maybe your marriage is on the rocks or you recently lost a spouse any of those cases this program is for you so email and call in your questions and we'll put Pastor John and Angie on the hot seat in the second you know it might also be neat to actually get some comments actually be interesting to know someone that's maybe watching how long have you been married we might get some 75 years I don't really know do a shout-out yeah maybe even some comments of what have made your marriage strong I mean that's just yeah this is gonna be exciting and you know could be good to send in how long you been married and maybe jail maybe great this is something totally off the top my hair the person's life Angie the person who sends in the longest married couple you guys sent them something we will we will yes where should we send them well don't talk about right now the longest will send a get gotta send sometimes we marry we say we're 35 years marriage and people say you're just a baby oh yeah you know before we actually get going we have some music we want to get to and just in just a minute and I know you have a scripture I know that many of you have been wondering how mr. Danny Shelton is doing because he had open-heart surgery three weeks ago today and he is doing well at ASI for those of you that were viewing ASI and those that may be connected via social media danny has done a little short little about two or three-minute a little shout out about two about a week ago and we had many comments at ASI for those that were there and they said mr. Danny he looks so good he's a he's a strong man God has done a lot for him in the healing process but he is very much fit he's in shape and you know he does all that basketball that has definitely helped in his recovery process but Jill and I we saw him on Tuesday right after we got back from ASI and he and dr. Yvonne and he's doing very well doing everything that the doctor is asking him to do but he is just he's amazing every one man and his wife is taking such good care of him so we're so thankful for Yvonne support too but he appreciates all of your prayers and continue to pray for him as he continues to recover but he's doing very well so thank you for your prayers amen shall we read our schedule this time okay our scripture tonight is Ephesians 5 if we're talking about marriage and relation we gotta go here Ephesians 5 I'm gonna read verses 22 through 27 wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husband's in everything husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish when I read that and I'm not trying to jump ahead but when I read that Pastor John why does the Bible tell the wife to submit to the husband but yet the husband to love the wife why is the Bible specific in that regard well because the Bible the marriage is a picture of God's relationship to his church so the church should submit to Christ and God is love so God loves the church God doesn't submit to the church the church submits to God that's why Paul also says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and the proper priestly balance when the husband is the priest of the home the wife could find comfort in submitting to the husband but if he refuses to fulfill his priestly role wife is not going to submit yeah but God always fulfills his priestly role he is our high priest Christ is our high priest so we submit to his headship and so when Paul talks about that the church benefits more by submitting to him and they never lose out by his unending love to them so it's a picture of and I and I and we've learned through the years that if you want to learn anything about the relationship that God has with this church look at the marriage yeah it's artful it's a powerful scripture and God is love and I know that we need to it's again this is about relationships tonight specifically the mayor in a relationship so tonight's title to the program is to have and to hold on I think before we go to some music with John Stoddart gonna be at the piano and I believe sing a great song we actually have the music project we should probably touch on that before we actually get into the program because we're going to get into this and don't want to forget some of these important details but to give Him glory a concert that was at the spring camp meeting on the three angels messages which was just absolutely powerful I mean so many people were blessed we continue to get fantastic praise reports of how people's lives were changed but we have the CD and the DVD is just about to be released and we also have a nice little booklet that Pastor John wrote that goes along with this there they put up the graphic the CD is an incredible all these songs are focused on the three angels messages of Revelation chapter 14 not only do we get all those songs there's the bonus CD yeah with some of those extra songs as well Builders project that's right from the pillars project from the hallelujah home atlast project from Calvary project then the DVD is just about ready to be released and we are very excited about that we kind of had a pre-release at ASI but the actual DVD with a full - our concert and all the bonus behind-the-scenes features is coming soon you can pre-order that tonight and three angels messages in summary which is a wonderful sharing book Pastor John on the 300 messages I'm excited about it because it is the anchor which is just just last night at prayer meeting we were reading that Ellen White says the three angels messages is the anchor of God's people and so when you think of an anchor what would happen to a ship if it lost its anchor and it's the message that we should be getting back to because it identifies in 3abn three angels messages three angels messages three angel broadcast so it fits perfectly so I decided to make it just 46 pages not long for those who have never heard about the message before it's Bible only which in fact we could see that the three angels messages is based on the Bible only and it but it deals with all three messages succinctly clearly and one thing it does more than anything else brings out the redeeming love and grace of Christ that was saved by grace through faith in Christ alone he's our Redeemer yes and so there are many Christians have they already have that relationship with Christ but the but the three angels messages would be the capstone of the everlasting gospel from the Garden of Eden until the second coming of Christ is encapsulated and that three interest messages is the period at the end of the six thousand year sentence so we should see the last chapter of the book as Danny said we read the back of the book that's right now we're sharing the Lord this entire you can get the CD the DVD and the book for $25 that's right that's right or you can just order quantities of the CD or the DVD or the book buy the case so call the call center right now six one eight six two seven four six five one and they will be happy to get one of these or many of them in the mail for you for sharing and evangelism or you can always email us for that as well or you can call or email in your questions or we want to know who the longest married couple is so make sure you send that in - all right well let's go to some music and we have John Stoddard and he's gonna be playing and singing a beautiful song I am yours I live to praise and give it go all that I have to give you take my life and baby Jesus my heart is yours [Music] I live to praise and give you all that I have to give team Jesus my heart is yours oh it is yours I I'm yours I just wanna thank you thank you [Music] oh Jesus I just wanna thank you release your grace Jesus my heart I just wanna thank you Lord you've been so good to me I thank you thank you [Music] Jesus I just wanna thank you it's you afternoon and you've kept every time oh you have come through and you've kept every time you have come through and you've kept every promise you have come to love and if kept every promise [Music] thank you thank you Lord Jesus I just wanna thank you cuz you have come through and you've kept every promise thank you you have come through and you've kept every promise you have come through and you've kept every promise you have come through loan and you've kept every promise I just wanna thank you thank you lord [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Lord Jesus I just wanna thank you [Music] amen what an incredible job daughter does she is so gifted at the piano and I love to hear him sing yeah he's so happy too you know I just want to thank you your promises are true and what a perfect song because we're talking about marriage tonight to have and to hold on and that's all about a promise as well our special guest tonight our Pastor John and Angela Lowe McCain and let's jump right in tell us about your story how'd you all meet well we're gonna bounce back and forth in this yeah we both came from unique homes I was I was raised in a home where my mom and dad were not present I was abandoned at three months old by my biological parents Wow but the Lord was gracious enough at three months old to give me a mother and a father who at the age of fifty years old they decided to raise this little boy along with my sister who was three years old so I was raised in a West Indian Hammacher traditionally if you're from Trinidad or Barbados you know what I mean when I say a West Indian home all the West Indies period Caribbean home strong Constitution no joke parents you know this is gonna hurt me more than hurt you had never heard that but I was raised in a home where I saw marriage where I saw the love of mr. Hains for his wife Miss Carmen Haynes Mama and Papa but um she died when I was 12 years old just before I turned 13 well so that anchor was calling yep and Mama was the connection to church and that anchor was gone and so Papa having lost the love of his life and they were married like 30-something years when she passed away then I started meandering in the maze of mediocrity in losing my anchor until I met Angie someone give kind of throw it to you a little bit about real quick how old were you and you met Angie then how old were you 16 16 exactly mama Haynes died it at year 12 yeah I just turned 13 a month after her passing okay all right yeah well I was raised in a Christian home Adventist Christian home and when I met my dark Mike John when I met John darling my darling when I met him he was not in the church he was out of the church but I met him in church yes but I was not in Christ yeah Yeah right and I wanted to meet him and and someone introduced me to him and you know I'll jump ahead and he came to my house every week for Bible studies Friday night worship how you sin by them or worship that's the only way I could get a young man to my house as if he's coming for worship it was not allowed to date so your folks were pretty strict very straight to tell him who trick cuz your dad my dad passed away when I was three I was a youngest out of eight and after he passed away we I was born in England and he died in England and after he died we moved to Brooklyn New York and I went to Bethel seventh-day Adventist Church and that's the church it he went to mm-hmm and that's where we met and we hit it off right away had a great relationship and I invited him for family worship every week that's right John did you go for the Bible studies or because well well the reason why this was a big part that I want to add here the reason why she had to make it spiritual reasons because her mom while her mom was a sweet lady she had five brothers five Jamaican brothers you better behave yourself she's the youngest yeah he's the youngest child youngest sibling the last of the three girls and so she had a lot of protection oh did they protect me so at that age no guys coming over to date my sister no so but she chose the right way because when we met I wasn't in the church I wasn't in the Lord in a few years before that when I just started you know guys we go through that play stage where we just want to ride her bike and baseball all that then all of a sudden one day we just notice a girl and it's like she's beautiful but I was terrified to approach her and I never thought I'd ever even get to talk to her until one evening at MV my friend said visit girl wants to meet you I said Who and he pointed I said Yeah right sure and he said no seriously she wants to meet you and I met her that night and exchanged phone numbers both for the young people there were no cell phones yeah no texting yes you know phone booth and we would call but I would only be able to go over the introduction was Friday night worship I didn't go over for casual reasons because that was like a no no even though mother's the kind person so so Friday night worship was where our connection started yeah it happened a few years after remember true wasn't right at 16 no the real breakthrough came a few years after but the connection to family worship was because when I first started was i nervous oh what my mother said she had a shooter Jamaican accent and she said John you sing so good would you read the scripture so John says if he picked up the Bible and this was him for instance and means the preparation was just pouring on the Bible dressed a very stressed nervous I said he can't read I thought and he's hot he just was so nervous to read the Word of God Oh why aren't you honey but she kept on inviting me I kept inviting yep Tony Washington come for worship and then one evening Friday evening after worship and everybody was doing their thing and I said I think what about 19 then huh I think a little bit before that John have you seen this book the great controversy you say yeah when mama was alive oh well let's read it where did we start well my first chapter keep this in mind I'm out in the world I'm just slowly crawling back but I'm not back yet I'm still partying still discharging and you know and still going to church we're not in the Lord and the very first chapter I read in the great controversy was the chapter entitled the time of trouble oh you want to wake up call us it's scared the sin out of me I'm not kidding you because earlier that day I would go to bank I worked at Bank of America I will go to Bank of America with a pool stick in a boom box or a huge radios 18 or 19 at Bank of America Thank You America I was working at and so that Friday night when I read the great controversy then I read the chapter on the promises of Christ's return Monday morning I went back to Bank of America with a Bible and in New York I was looking for people to give Bible studies to on the way to work this is not after fqo this is not after a long how to give Bible studies this was an instant the Holy Spirit came in and started awakening in me what I what I never had a clue would be in my life as many years later as it is so that was you know the big big turnaround but I still didn't give up the world yet until one Sunday somebody invited us to do disc jockey for their wedding and I said ok I said ok Laura this is the last time because I was struggling with that and on the way to this wedding reception it was a Honda Accord Honda Civic that's when they were so small you could put the whole Civic in the ambulance almost just no booth in a smart car and we slammed into the back of this big American car big Oldsmobile and her head broke she oh my bent the steering wheel broke the windshield and I thought if I died I knew I'd have been lost and that was the cutoff point I get got rid of all my records covered up all my things that tie me to the world and began a slow Trek and then surely after that we went to Oakwood together now should I jump ahead to jump ahead so here we are dating off and on for nine years learning she would get rid of me and take me back get with me and take me back because I was kind of really weak of anything she said I'd say yes yes yes yes and she said I was just too soft insults I was a pushover I wanted a man right he was so soft and would you do this everything I wanted he did yeah and I was like I want somebody it's not always agree with me I want him to have his own mind his own backbone so it's amazing knowing you now pastor John watch I mean you are very kind you know it's not like you're not but you definitely have principles and I got some Brooklyn backbone and in all the attempts they brought her brothers made to get rid of me they didn't Here I am but I want to tell the funny story yes go jump in so we could get into the program right after dating for off and on for nine years her brothers I found out not too long ago that it was a kind of collective effort but one of her brothers took the initiative to pull me aside in the kitchen at the house where they live and he said how long are you gonna date my sister I said excuse me he said are you gonna marry her or you can date it for the rest of your life I said huh he said are you gonna marry her for it are you gonna date her forever barrier which one I said marry her he said when I said [Laughter] here's the joke the joke is her brother proposed and I accepted no he didn't there was no asking he never asked me to marry him my brother asked him well that's amazing 35 years so for those of you who put up the websites and sent out emails on your favorite colors if you have a sister that's been dating for eight or nine years do what her brother did so here we are yeah okay so this okay see you data for how many years nine nine years once you were engaged it was 30 days 30 days okay I've been married 35 where was your wedding I'm sure some people may want to know that as we get more into the program Brooklyn at Bethel 7th Amari was CEO Larry was our past know he was gone by then okay yeah he was our youth pastor actually mmm at the time in the knee had moved on I think to Ephesus cuz he had passed that F is just a few times and we had our it was good supposed to be at a different location but we had our actually our reception at Hanson place if you're in Brooklyn and can't some place seventh-day Adventist Church and then our lives just took off and her mom I gotta tell this part because the Lord this is so significant to our story after living in New York for just three months we moved in and just just to encourage those of you that want to get everything right my hesitancy is I wanted everything to be right money in the bank something to offer my wife I didn't have money in the bank I didn't have a house for her to live in I didn't have an apartment that was exclusively mine so when we got married she moved into my room on the third floor of the house I was raised in his green and yellow room but it wasn't your entire house it was just no and we lived on my that lived on the other tenants and I had a single white bed that had a trundle that came up under and it made a double so every night will herb I know how dad would come up and we'd see them together yes there wasn't much room and this is this is how how we lived for three months three months mm-hmm and the turning point was our the proofs to our wedding the photo proofs to our wedding got stolen out of our car oh my word and I said that's it we're leaving the city he's not I Love New York now because it's change so this is not an anti New York thing but the Lord used that and we moved to Florida to where her aunt had a house and we moved there into another room into another room garage which one converted girl the bride in fog with converting garage they make them really nice those big great room and we lived there until one day just to cut the story short I got an invitation to join the heritage singers and didn't know what to do about that and what did your mom say oh um when God what did she say help me she said I said what what should we do and she said the same word that Danny always uses go she told us the girls had called mmm that's all she said that all well God's calling you better go amen and we had no idea our life has changed it was totally it was never the same because we we trusted the Lord we prayed about it and we asked the Lord what to do and off we went and our lives have never been the same but our marriages our marriage has been strengthened through the years you know we got our first apartment in Florida that's right and we only had one chair [Laughter] boxes lots of cardboard boxes one liner and that one chair was after we came back from heritage saying everybody use so you know marriage because I think you know a lot of times I talk about the first year of marriage is a lot of adjustments so I know that we have some people tonight there may be someone that's actually watching or listening that is just newly married could even be just a week or two and are they can relate to the stories that you're talking about that happened 30 35 36 35 years ago yeah but there's always adjustments and I'm sure I know for Jill and I there were adjustments I'm sure the same for you because you know that's a challenge being not in your own house but in a room but the house belongs to other people and then not having much tell me about marriage you know because there's a just missed the first year of marriage how did you deal with some of those because yeah I used to go because we for the first four years of our marriage we were never exclusively in a place that was our own only us because he went to Florida and you said it was a garage yeah don't we join Harry to sing and that's the bus right and we lived in a hotel everywhere we traveled two years of a hotel life so some people's marriages would have fallen apart with challenges like that so how did you deal with that Wow and each other's face every day I loved it we got one more time we were in each others face every day you know with this we sit together on the bus Harry singers every single day actually loves being with each other right cuz we talked a lot even though we dated nine years we talked non-stop you know what that tells me though is that basically you married your best friend yeah because you guys were together you know dating for nine years that's right and so then the friendship just carries right on into the marriage and you know what that's a very good point because we have so many things we like in common yeah sometimes people get married and try to find out how much time they could spend apart we don't we actually kind of feel to something missing when when Angie's not around or and I'm not around just even or even up to recently we were in the Virgin Islands and we were swimming and this is very amazing how our hearts are so connected because we had another friend with us Monique that used to work on again it's Monique Anderson and Monique another man and Angie is not a swimmer but they both have on these floaties veces floaty vests and we're at the speech call on water island and everybody is saying oh if you swim out to that buoy there's some beautiful sea turtles out there you'll see it and it's a long way out and they're so excited with their floaty vests and they got their masks on underwater cameras and they said we want to swim all the way out there I said do you realize how far that is I said okay first swim to that doughnut and if you could make it there then I'll think about it but honey I'm not putting your life I'm not putting your life at they're excited now because they're floating but floating and swimming is so on the way there it clicked in my mind she's floating on the way there and just as she's floating swimming too she turns around and before she turns around to say John where are you he's right there in my heart I said I need to be right by her side yeah and as she turned around to say I was right there and she said I was just gonna call you yeah I started to panic I was going a little further out and I can swear my feet can't fit the water I'm like John I'm right here so confidence who knows I said I was just gonna call you I said you know what I sensed that did so here I am and I'm gonna swim out there with you but to make the record I never let her swim to that buoy because it was just too far oh sure and I don't want to poor life at a risk but you know marriage there's so much to say about marriage we did a marriage enrichment seminar in Michigan at the Michigan camp meeting not too long ago took five days mm-hmm and we still just touched the tip of the iceberg and so what I want to kind of start and we're gonna bounce back on fourth on this because we've kind of chosen a short outline what is marriage okay and I'm gonna start with one energy gonna bounce back and forth and the scripture that you read we're gonna include those again because somebody's tuning into the program and we want them to know that marriage in the in the rocks of marriage in the sunny days of marriage and the fall of marriage in the winter because a dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called the four seasons of marriage yes right everybody goes to some winter spring and fall and so here it is marriage first is a divine revelation in human vessels husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her and you know even after 35 years Greg and Jill I'm still learning what it means to give myself for Angie because one of the dangers in being together so long is you could allow time to adjust you to the point where you get so used to each other that you forget those those vivid moments that are important so I have learned that yes sometimes that things are really important to me but the thing that is important to me must take second place so the woman that's important to me so that's what put Angie first but Angie first and I've learned that that actually really is a joyful thing to put her first and that's why I says so husband's ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself and you know what I say this - the husband's - the husband's first my wife's gonna talk to the wives at the beginning when you if you want to find out what love is all about love your wife mm-hmm because it requires giving up some of yourself but but I've also learned that it doesn't require me to give me up mm-hmm but whatever there is that I have that will hinder the enhancement of my relationship with Angie I have a learned even after 35 years that whatever is in my closet or in my relationship with that may be hindering our strength give it up there's nothing worth hindering and weakening a relationship so it's a divine revelation in human vessels and and secondly honey Oh marriage is a reflection of divine love through human vessels and it is and it's from Ephesians 5:22 through 24 which says wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife so also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husband's in everything and it's true I mean he's the head of my home our home as Christ is the head of a church but he doesn't rule me he doesn't tell me you do this you do that we're a team yeah I'm the neck that turns a head as they say you know but we work together we have a love for each other and when we make a decision he makes the final decision you know if it's a major decision that is that is it that is a quick decision like if we're on the spot oh yeah critical decision now if it comes to buying something or find something major we talk about together don't we don't try to override each other why don't say to her I made the decision you stick with it no way but we have what I think what we have come to the safety of is sometimes you say John what should we do what should we do and I say honey let me handle this but we've come to that place where we feel comfortable to do that and that's a big part of it we've come to that place where the comfort is there so yeah reflection of divine love and so we okay so let's say okay so you mentioned the first points I know the people at home you hope you hopefully you have your pen and paper out so the first one pastor you said reflection of divine love and sorry sorry marriage is a divine revelation yeah and put the spouse first right right and the second one is a reflection of divine love yes and thirdly marriage is a relationship of mutual esteem a relationship of mutual esteem between human vessels when people get married you know you see the wedding ceremonies they have two candles yes and they blow up one yes and then the Bible says you are no longer two but one one I have learned that while we're one spiritually that we are that Angie brings to the table things that I don't have and I bring to the table things that she doesn't have a Billy Graham's wife said it wonderfully if both of you agree on everything one of you is unnecessary and I've learned there are times that Angie's and the Lord has given this mutual esteem the Lord has given wives in Gregg I don't I don't want you to feel bad about this but the Lord has given wives this I don't wanna use the phrase in the wrong way this spiritual insight that husbands sometimes Kirk talked about that so I would be good sometimes a wife will see things that I don't see and then she'll catch up later and she'll tell me and I say you're right I agree you know sometimes perceptions we're in a crowd of people and sometimes somebody could be approaching me and she'll say you know be careful about that person well and I'll say oh they just being friendly until later on I said no they're not being friendly and that's a perception yeah and then sometimes just in our prayer life the Lord will reveal something to my wife that she would share with me unless he oh wow I didn't see that and she said well the Lord revealed that to me and you know CD Brooks a man that is resting in Jesus but I highly respect him he says the Lord gave us wives so that we don't make fools of ourselves and there's a reason why men don't live long that are not married because they don't have a wife Leah a lot of women expressly godly women we give advice to our husbands that will help them we want them to do better you know and I'll see things and I'll be like be careful honey just be careful oh okay and later sometimes you know there's nothing I got it and later on he'll say Angie you all right and but it's just something that God gives us you know perception I guess yes that's right and I think too you know pastor as you know cuz sometimes I think even as the man of the household or the priest of the household we don't want to be so proud as to say you know what you mean you gave that to my spouse and I didn't pick that up oh you know I I have to be the priest here you know the spiritual leader you know I can't take any type of almost a instruction or insight from our spouse I think that's where it's that mutual back and forth that you know if God gives her something like it you know reading the scripture together like oh wow I never saw that before mm-hmm yeah that's powerful you know and I think sometimes maybe it'd be where pride gets in the way but I know I'm so blessed to have Jewish like you are to have Angie you know by our size I mean we're I'm so blessed it's a key thing here is it's a team this has been brought up a sometimes it's mutual it's not 50/50 it's 100 100 maybe but yet we're together were one moving forward as it and as a team and it's not about ourselves either and I think a marriage can be a testament to what God can do you know in a family and really it's not about just two people but it's about two people as a team that can then spread the word of God around to others so I mean we're also a light that's right as individuals but also as a marriage - so anyway I know you have more points that's true that's true yeah and so we have these we have these attributes that in the Bible the Lord gave Eve what Adam didn't have any gave Adam what he did yeah good point that's why marriage the softer virtues he gave to the woman mm-hmm and oh the softer you said softer virtues and in Genesis says in the image of God created he male and female created he them yes so when God in and in this age of same-sex marriage I have to make this point the image of God is completed only when the man and the woman are joined together good point because God is not man and man a woman a woman but the image of God has completed when the man and the woman are joined together it completes the image of God on the human race beautiful by Satan has created this camouflage for marriage then we're gonna take off real quickly in a moment but just to the last point about marriage what marriage imparts impart sanctification human vessels and it's like that triangle talk about that male and female at the bottom and God is closely you grow to God the closer you grow to each other oh yeah yes yes so the points again because again I'm just like this person that repeating enlarge type of person so let's hit those again so someone writing them down these are excellent points okay pastor marriage is a divine revelation a divine reflect a reflection of divine love a relationship of hue of mutual esteem yes an import sanctification to human vessels and so reiterating that you know the triangle and this is really important because when people and we have been through we have been through individual trials we have been through external attacks we've been through internal struggles we've been through places where God has to filed us down and readjust us and recalibrate us and so to make it a thirty five years we've made this commitment we are going all the way yeah I'm gonna wait to the end of the program to share with those of you who are watching our new sing I want to say wow okay but it's so important to remember that marriage is a triangle because for those of you that are married sometimes the early in the marriage the husband might have an issue other wife might have an issue and they tend to right away run to mom or dad of the other family well the danger with that and we've never done that no not once in all our 35 years never once have we run to people outside of our marriage because something she did I didn't like or something like that she didn't like that's been our commitment as well absolutely absolutely to me my heart is to be the grave for my husband sauce right and his the same for mine in other words it doesn't go anywhere it goes in and it's buried and it's forgotten and it's forgiven and it's it's over that's right it's easy you hear a lot of times you know what a spouse bashing oh people and all that does is tear the marriage down and you know what in all our years there's a young lady going to our church in Antioch California Annie Johnson she said Angela she's my good friend and she said Angela what I like about you you never said anything bad about your husband that's good and to anyone in the church and she says you never bashed him you never put him down and she's in and she was very I was like wow but praise the Lord because he's my husband I love him and you said whatever we go through my heart is the graveyard you know we talk about it and we leave it it's not going anywhere it's not throwing no gossip nothing you'll never hear me gossip about my husband on say anything bad and same with him same with him thank you confidence does it it doesn't trust and Greg knowing that he would never talk about that it's right yeah because we've seen couples I mean in all of our churches they have come up one person I like the way to cake who's no one said it she said so this person complaining complaining company she says so conclude you have the best of the worst telling a woman so you just have to settle you have the best you got the best of the worst and we've had people that have come to us and have cut down their spouse and I heard somebody said that's like taking a feather pillow on a windy day and beating it against the side of your house and if feathers are gone everywhere you know and when the wind dies down you'll never be able to collect it and Ellen White says when you share with other people you put on them burdens that God never intended for them to carry and they have no answer for something that only God has an answer for so we have and this is true and you know we get some great input here we have we have chosen we rather fight than switch our marriage yeah we rather fight for our marriage okay fight through the difficult yes I got it fight over the issues but fair and we talk straight to each other you know my wife could sit me down and I could sit her down and we could talk straight to each other but when we walk out of that house you're not gonna do it you're United here United sometimes it cuts like a knife I'm like oh I did that I said that to you or something I'm said honey I'm so sorry I didn't know that I'm same with you sometimes I'd sit down and hear what a tear who run down my eyes well become choked up and I said yeah I am so sorry and I look in her eyes and then we say okay now we can go on we pray about it and we leave it in the Lord's hands and so for those of you who are trying to develop a relationship as much as you think that getting people against your spouse or the person your is gonna help you know it's kind of destroy it's gonna destroy the person you're planning on marrying and that's the thing that you wanted because you know what happens and my sister-in-law Angie's sister Lisa always says that she said stay out of married people's business oh yes you always say don't get into none of their business I mean as pastoral team yeah people come to us right with marital problems yeah but we don't busybody into their business and I think especially to is you're forming your household early on in your marriage especially you know you're talking about not going to your parents about every little you know thing cuz it's really it's husband and wife you know together and one of the things I noticed when you guys were talking about your there early on days is that you all laugh together oh you know cuz I'll get about okay you know what we're in not our own house we're in our own room that's all we have then you go to Florida we're in a garage we have one chair one chair you know and so you know even today you know they're laughing about it you know that laughter adds a lot especially and the early days there was a little bit of stretch trying to make the adjustments and something comes up instead of look you know what all we have is one chair that's it what's wrong can't you provide or whatever you know the circumstances are to actually if you can sit down and laugh about it so you know what all we have is one I get you're sitting in it today and tomorrow that was funny though because we had friends that would come to our house our apartment we finally got an apartment before we left and one tear on one - no table people came to our house they ran through that one chair to sit down we had it on the floor we ate on the floor but we could laugh about that's important what an incredible first hour I already have a stack of questions and comments and I'm just gonna read this one roof yes this is from the Higgins family they want to let pastor Jon and Angie know she and her husband and they've been married 67 years oh wow her husband is 93 and she is 88 years old well I have one that's leading that but I won't tell you now be the second hour oh you have got to make sure you fall in the sea six one eight six two seven four six five one or email us live li ve at 3abn dot TV and let us know how long you've been married let us know your comments your questions about marriage I can't believe how fast this first hour has gone by it's been an hour of joy hearing what God has done and what God continues to do in your marriage and I know he wants to do that for you as well don't go away we'll be right back in just a moment with the second hour [Music] welcome back to our Thursday Night Live program we're here with they're not our guests they're Pastor John and family and Angelo McCain hopefully you were able to join us for the first hour we're talking about let me just read this title to you Pastor John you're really good with titles to have and to hold on having to hold on so has to do with building obviously the marriage relationship we're all involved in different types of relationships but pastor again just give us a real quick summary of what we just covered in the first hour and then I know we have a lot more to continue and you also have some fun pictures oh yeah as well I think we have some contact information we should give now and then we've talked about I told you that I have one here we're talking about or ask the question who's been married the longest I do once you give the contact information okay at six or eight six to seven four six five one call center is open to night six one eight six to seven four six five one if we want to know how long you been married we're going to send a special gift to the couple who's been married the longest or you can email us live Li ve at 3abn dot TV and I know we've been having a wonderful time here tonight but maybe you have a serious question regarding a relationship issue that you are encountering right now or you have a matter that needs special prayer we want those as well so feel free to call that in or email that in as well and we're actually getting some of those actually questions we are so we want to go they have a little outline we want to continue with but we will get to some of these questions that have come in and we just thank you so much for reaching out to us this evening through the call center or via the email that's a blessing you tell us yes yes I may pull up this paper I honestly didn't lose it on purpose yeah make sure I get this right sometimes it is on top here oh good oh yeah it is right in front of me good thanks baby okay so this is the celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary next week and they said had family worship every day from the beginning so for 68 years next week family worship every day from the beginning that makes me cry how many children you think they have they have 12 dozen doesn't say Abraham is Sarah but they're actually that doesn't give the name here than unless I'm missing it but from Missouri so so far 68 years that's the top so far here for this program this evening the pastor summary real quick and then a continuation marriage is a divine revelation in human vessels second one marriage is a reflection of divine love through human vessels and then marriage is a relationship of mutual esteem esteem the other above yourself marriage imparts sanctification to human vessels that's right and we didn't do this in the first hour unless we want to show a couple of pictures okay this first one you know I was thinking about pulling up a really old but I don't want to shock our television oh okay we we have a we have a we do some marriage I have a marriage video that my wife and I put together we always do at a concerts together with the song that I wrote for her pictures of us through the years to me in concert you know the song called destined to be one hmm and he sings that to me my heart just melts oh yeah that's right as matter of fact is on my CD call never alone which you guys carry song a marriage a marriage song called destined to be one you might want to add that to your repertoire but look at this first picture this is my wife and I this wasn't too long ago this was an emphasis in New York we were invited there last year and but the next one is great picture you guys thank you and you know almost looks like a studio picture but actually it was in a storage room at the church and I mean they just had that shiny curtain like a perfect backdrop for a picture it looks like a studio picture so you're doing a seminar there a marriage in Richmond I was hired to speak for the Oakwood alumni okay okay but this one is a special one for us here cuz this honor that's look at this next that's us 25th anniversary so which one is which honey on the left when we got married in 1983 May 22 and on the right when we celebrated our 25th anniversary is 1035 years 35 but you know what we laugh a lot and the joy every day we have a laugh don't we we laugh at each other or somebody else yeah yeah but we read the Word of God and we study right now we're going through what prophecy we're going through prophets and kings and the second kings as well as the Bible but we study together and it's so important that that's your that yeah it's strengthens us go ahead Jim and morning and evening we have our morning and even know Angie gets to work for 7:30 so she gets up earlier than I do but I get up in enough time to do my cloudy eyes to read a devotion with her yeah pretty before she runs out the door and then the evening is when we everyman to the word we get it we turn the lights off we have a lamp over our beds that's just nice and bright mm-hmm and we read the Bible together and and then she carries me through prophets and Kings together and by going through our Bible together the second time I never forgot when we finished we were in Paradise California when we were reading the chapter where Joseph oh he died but Joseph died and I would go up and I said are you okay she said oh I want to meet Joseph because you're getting personally so attached to Joseph mm yeah Julie he looked like you had a question oh I was just gonna say as we move on talking about what makes a marriage strong I know you have talked about we've talked about laughter we've talked about praying together and studying the Word of God having worshiped together we've talked about not gossiping about your spouse or there are faults with other people but what are some other keys to make a marriage strong well communicate communicate to each other to each other right not to anybody else yeah that's what we have each other right commune communication sometimes you go to restaurants and you see couples sitting there and they're just on their phones like they have anything to say to each other and we look at him - we said look at them sometimes it's a table of four the two kids have their iPads or phones in the husband and wife they look up only long enough to order their food and then back to their device it's backed with their devices and we talk I mean sometimes we shut the world out around us and we talk but there's some keys to communicate we've learned because in the nine years of dating in Angie and I can talk about that in amazing ways we were very young and selfish very selfish it's all about me what I wanted remember that argument we had an argument we're perfectly imperfect I want some games I want some teddy bear whatever things I don't arcade a little toys and and I said okay which one do you want she said I want them all no I want both of them and I was so angry I was tempestuous I was young I had I was an angry young man and I had a umbrella and I threw it in the waterfalls at a big big fountain big fountain in New York in New York and after I threw it and I realized I wanted it but the waterfall was too deep I lost my beautiful golf umbrella when they first came out oh boy I actually made a sheath for it like a you know like a bow and arrow so I saw my own ball in it I carried around like it was a sheath so when it rained I pulled it out boy and then not a student no fountain in front of a big building in Times Square and Bo got temper I had a bad temper so how did you deal with arguments or conflict I should say differences of opinion well you know what we learned and we're going to bounce back and forth on this we learned that you either win together oh I don't win an argument as she loses a argument and she doesn't win an argument and I lose we both lose yeah we have learned we're on the same team on the same team and this has helped us tremendously hasn't it oh there are think of a baseball player think of the pitcher and you've seen baseball before with the pitcher just people just kidding getting hits off of him well the catcher walks up to the pitcher he doesn't get angry he said are you okay mm-hmm are you tired sure well let's bring another guy in because the whole team wins in basketball some guys never play but they all went together they lose together and we've learned and I have a seminar that I used to call how to fight fair mmm I covered this in Michigan but we want to talk about some of the ways to communicate can these are some of the keys that we brought out okay and as you go further down there it is so we can talk about ways to listen ways to listen and listen with your eyes that's good what does that mean oh honey what does that mean you know exactly what that means okay listen with your eyes where's that it's right there no we just put the point but listen with your eyes okay now what do you tell me when I'm not looking at oh yes I see John look at me cuz you'll be doing something and yeah well I'm going like this I'm multitask okay so you're talking to him like he's not right and he's like talking and I said look at me we're talking listen we need to look at each other then he'll look at me and I said do you hear what I'm saying and what do you do and I say I'm hearing what you say yeah mmm look at her I feel so much better when he looks at me and listens to what I'm saying it just melts my heart you know he's listening he's not just doing other things he's listening to me so listen with your eyes mean make eye contact make our spouse yeah now you know the eye is the avenue to the soul that's right we've learned through the years and we cannot look at each other something is wrong when you're making a comment and looking over here and you're looking over there and you look at when you avoid looking at each other something is wrong the eye is the window to the soul so we listen with our eyes and what you'll notice and even when she said that I noticed my eyes were starting to tear up mmm because now I could look into her eyes I could tell that she's not speaking just with her mouth but with her heart and so many people don't make eye contact and it's something I had to learn because I'm from New York and I talked about in 50 miles an hour all T tasks he does everything you know that but I've learned not to multitask when it comes to time to talk I turn to tell if there's you know I've turned the volume mute it turn it off look at each other the other thing is listen with your mouth okay so what does that mean keep your mouth shut yes because on interrupt yeah right and I have learned that no but that is a good point you have to learn that interruption on it critical things is a very serious issue but to interrupt just at a point when you have frivolous conversation or a slight heart accompany I hate to call it that but yeah yeah that's not a big deal but when you are in serious conversation the biggest thing that one of the biggest Achilles heels on couples is they listen long enough to wait for an open spot to say yeah but but yeah however yeah but that's not what you meant ma and the the the training to keep your mouth shut wild your spouse either me or her is pouring her heart out or I'm pouring my heart out and make it make that eye contact you're remembering and you know what happens is it starts finding a place what what is being said is starting to be stored because you're not saying anything to cut it off or preempt it or belittle it and sometimes people listen long enough to belittle what the other person has said that's a sad thing so if you're going to listen listen with your mouth how keep it keep it shut and people want to do that that takes tasks you know sometimes women just want to talk talk talk talk really I know a lot of women just want to talk don't just want to make their point they have to keep their mouth shut sometimes don't say a word listen what's the next one honey listen with your neck oh okay what does that mean Wow this we listen with your eyes listen with your listen with your neck I keep your neck still some people like [Laughter] moving your head oh yeah whatever mmm this interested I don't want to hear it please take a long walk on a short pier you know the next has a whole lot and the body is called nonverbal communication listen with your neck keep your neck still okay eyes are moving mouth shut you're engaged and that's something that people don't like to do keep you and communicate with your with your neck with your eyes with your mouth and we we share this and I want to kind of share my wife show my wife this is kind of our own thing there are two types of listeners there two types of communicators empathetic and that is viewing the conversation through our spouses eyes and what's the other one egocentric viewing the conversation through our eyes to kind of communicate oh yes empathetic I feel what you're saying I get it I get it or you go centric yeah but but you don't see my part you don't understand what I'm saying yeah and this desire to defend into just make yourself look good is the egocentric communicator and so many couples they don't communicate well and they because their number one concern is defending rather than mending yes big difference big difference and what's the next 100 okay that's what listen but listen with your hands how do you do that keep your hands still some people are reading and doing stuff yeah doing things mm-hmm always something that's almost like they're bored which ones hurry up oh yeah yeah exactly and so what notice was happening we got eyes mouth neck hands yes communicating with the communication is an entire our thing there are people that study communication I've seen them they said well when the president spoke tonight you notice how he was fidgeting his hands his eyes stay still his neck is everywhere he didn't care what the other person was saying he just was totally uninterested but when you look at the other person about the shut neck is not moving eyes are locked your hands are not fidgety they said he was focused engaged he was engaged he was locked in and and my wife appreciates that when I'm locked in it says to her I have your undivided attention yeah there you go and then you know what hmm your wife could could shine if you give her your undivided attention want to be heard say it again we want to be heard absolutely you know I think that's one of the greatest gifts Gregg has given to me yes he's a fabulous listener oh you know ever since and he's teaching me how to do that but ever since we first got married and he'll always say Jilly what when I'm done I say Jilly now is this the time you want me to just hold you or is this a time where you want me to say something you know are you looking for advice are you looking for solutions cuz you know men are solutions locally and when I come with a problem he's thinking I gotta fix it I want to help her yes and then say is this the time I should just hold you Oh or is this a time where you want me to give you something back you know man that's beautiful this cake Usama says you when you go to your husband and you just feel so empty you go to him and say my love cup is empty and I've done that I need a hug I said honey my love cup is empty I need a hug and he'll give me such a warm hug and I'm fine he'll and I'll go back to cooking right and we do have that love cup which I have it too and we've learned in our you know we got to find a way to slow this clock down the questions listen with your back [Laughter] piece lowchen right watching a lot of people do that they don't listen with their back right eyes mouth shut hands still neck position sitting straight up yes the other one listen with your feet mm-hmm what does that mean honey you just les you just feet all right hurry up I'm just tapping your feet right oh don't do that that's right keep your face still and and I'm not gonna go through all the other ones but tonight the most significant listen for feelings and facts mmm I had to learn that feelings really do matter mm-hmm because in the world of you know counseling I've heard so many people through the years you know men specifically would say my wife plays on me with our feelings and through the years that has kind of made me think of feelings differently but I had to readjust and say wait a minute feelings do really matter the biggest feelings communicate a wife will communicate our feelings emotionally and not all women that are communicating emotionally you're trying to manipulate that's really hurting if you say yeah you're crying because you know it's gonna get me to do something hey you know what that does it shut your spouse down does and I've learned that let's just dive down god but they may have a question of a question hmm we do a few questions sure this one says is it okay to marry my ex-wife after 40 years what is it lutely there's a couple we met that um they were divorced for 20 years Wow and they raised she raised the children she never married he never married remarried and they got back together after over 20 years and they I have such a strong marriage now mm-hmm stronger than has ever been and so yes it's okay to get back with your spouse what after 40 years yeah a long time yeah you're not gonna get a funny joke here I was listened to a comedian not too long ago there's an old hat but he was saying this is funny he says when you've been married for that long he said you both have trained each other so well nobody else wants you that's funny there's some truth to that in this sense I finish her sentences no she's fine we're at the place now and the thought comes to my mind in the car and I don't mention it and she mentions it often one the same track we've I've actually tested this as well like Olsen I'll be just thinking of something not verbalizing something and I wonder you know what if she's thinking the same thing so now ask her or she I sometimes I mean he has to ask her she immediately pops out with the same thing I was just thinking of yes name most programs sometimes I'll think I get asked this question and then he asks earlier yeah it's like wow you guys moving in the right direction and when I sometimes hesitate to mention the thought that came to mind she'll break up I mean like a minute later Jimmy asked you a question here we have a number of them here let's see anonymous okay how long must one date before getting married I know the guidelines are usually two years to know someone well then again some just date for six months and then marry and it works out by God's grace one could date for years and still don't get to know their partner until they marry and live together and then you see the real person with some undesirable behaviors revealed you think I made a terrible mistake how can you be sure this is a question how can you be sure you're marrying the one God has chosen for you so that's the question how can you be sure you're marrying the one God has chosen for you then right at the end here says I want to thank you for covering this topic being real and using your relationships to demonstrate God's love and mercy it's truly needed I'm gonna have Angie read this quote right after I make this powerful quote because he use the word mistake marriage is not a mistake but marriages that are made without God's guidance is a terrible decision yes marriage itself is not a mistake but marriages that are made outside of God's parameters first of all God's parameters don't marry a non-believer yes and don't be unequally yoked but my wife has it very interesting point about the unbeliever thing because it's a very insightful which the Lord gave to her and didn't give it to me well you could be in the same faith and be divided same faith and still but reason I know what you have to love the Lord always tell couples this if you love the Lord your spouse will love you or each other but it has to be mutual you have to love the Lord in order to really have a solid relationship because God is what love is he is love but this is from ministry of healing and it's real short page 360 and it says marriage of Forte's of heaven it says through difficulties perplexities and discouragements though sorry difficulties perplexities and discouragements may arise let neither husband nor wife harbour the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment determined to be all that it is possible to be to each other continue the early attentions is that good in every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life study to advance the happiness of each other then marriage instead of being the end of love will be as it is were the very beginning of love and that is powerful because if you live just a few marriages just to make you satisfied it's one-sided I had to give up to make her happy she gave up some things that make me happy but now we've discovered we both are happy and we don't always agree still but we still understand there's a phrase that I want to say something about in acid dangerous phrase I've heard a lot of guys use it happy wife happy life you heard that before yes mama beers happy everybody's happy has a dangerous phrase because some people have given up their individuality because the other person gets steaming lis angry if they don't get their way and so when you say happy wife happy happy life that's an unbalanced relationship yes it shouldn't be all she's if she's not happy nobody else is at peace that relationship is in trouble that's right but to answer the question about how long you should date let me answer the question it depends on how old you are that's true that's a big question if you're 16 you could do what we did date for nine years especially in this generation because today this is very corrupt generation and it pushes so much fleshy issues that you could be setting yourself up for so many dangerous places that you shouldn't go but when you decide that the person you've met is a person you're interested in get godly counsel but the Bible be your guide and don't have don't participate in activity that's reserved for marriage that's right don't live together either don't live together somebody once said to me how will you know if it's gonna work if I don't live together well the Lord will bless you that's right when you are married man and you won't be tumbling because he'll pour blessing into that marriage relationship that you won't find even though you're living together mmm first of all depends on your age if you're older person you're 50 your this is the second marriage or your spouse passed away sometimes you might already be in FS be a Christian we know somebody that married recently how long do they know each other about six months are there older people sure and I won't tell them date for 10 years because one of the night but then the other ones if you're in your 30s don't rush but do get counseling beforehand yeah and the reason why everybody needs counseling beforehand which Adventist pastors do is you'll find out what a marriage is all made of and sometimes marriage requires something in me to die something in her to die and there's so many components in marriage that unless you see in marriage counseling how you how you deal with conflict resolution your attitude towards money children parenting the role of the husband the role of the wife what kind of person are you are you connected are you disconnected are you overly connected did you come from a family where everybody made the decision or one person made decisions for everybody when you get counseling you begin to see how you mesh and then you could determine you're ready for marriage but when you would determine you're ready for marriage then begin courting with marriage in mind yes and say now I'm courting you because I have marriage in mind no obviously that's not how it worked for me her brother if you missed the first hour he said that I was dating her too long he said how long you gonna date her I said I was great are you gonna marry her I said yes he said when next month and that there's in 35 years so I'm gonna unique case will try to rapid-fire some of these we're getting a lot in sync so just a little tease there is one that's been married more than 68 years okay okay today this is from Indiana and this is just after we were talking about Ephesians five to six to patient six one two three not relating specifically to marriage but it is the family my question is if you have members in your family the parents specifically and there is addiction abuse and neglect toward the children well do the children need to honor the parents the Bible says honor your honor your parents in the Lord when a parent good is leading you down a path that is ungodly the Bible doesn't require you especially now I'm speaking of - I'm speaking to people that are of age because sometimes a minor cannot disagree with a parent and that's a difficult situation Jill and Greg when a child is subject to an abusive home oh yeah the father's a drinker or drug abuse or there's a lot of argument in the houses it's a difficult situation to say to an 11 year old or 12 year old disobey your appearance because they'll be out on the street in a heart but if you're in abusive situations that means physical abuse of any kind or we live in a day and age where is such a fragile place and let me tell you why and so much is going on in my head like it's an explosion here because sometimes children can say just to get out of the house my dad is abusing me and it's a false use - yeah as a way to get out of any condition and if you destroy if you do that you could destroy your family because some families will never recover from a false accusation because the courts will step in and snatch you out yeah and you'll say I was just kidding I was upset with my dad but now his reputation is destroyed yeah so be careful how you phrase that it but if you're in abusive situation let somebody know tell another family member that's where the family member can help tell your pastor but don't just tell all your friends but get the attention of somebody that can help you yeah I'm not that did I answer no you did you thing else anymore okay yes so this one here and I think you actually have one that's longer than this one here being married so I'm just gonna read this this was actually as a caller and so was taken by one of our CSRs at the call center so their names are IVA del and David Davidson's with act we actually have your name just celebrated their 70th year of marriage okay so here's a little more they have five children oh they never let the day pass without saying they love each other they say the I love you repeatedly to each other they never go to sleep without saying it they dated a little over six months they are both 90 years old now they were only 21 years old when they found each other what a blessing hey thank you so much for that well better hold that one out that might be because that's family and so I just want to say this - we've got a number of them here that are less than 70 but before we end the program I think it'd be nice just to mention the people we have some that are 50 years 51 full yeah so we'll make sure we mention your name as well so you know that is so beautiful isn't it beautiful they mentioned something that my wife and I've just taken on about a little more than a year ago when we finished pray and we turn the light off and we hug to fall asleep when I say goodnight honey goodnight sweetheart love you because you know what tomorrow's not promised and that's correct yep and it's a reality of life we do the same thing as well before we go to sleep last words you hear I love you beautiful this one's actually for you sweetie I thank you we've been waiting a long time for the gift from glory DVD can you tell us when we can expect it to be ready oh that's fantastic yes I'm hoping actually the end of August to actually have it or the very first part of September to actually have it here at the call center that's our plan we are almost there that's a cool for your patient yeah we're adding some bonus features to it as well to give Him glory concert which was at camp meeting we've added some bonus features and those of you that watch camp meeting there actually was a second hour to the concert that we wanted to add all of that where you hear some of the backstory to the songs being written and such so there's a little bit more work into it but we're almost there good question so the CD and the DVD and the book on three interest messages are available tonight so you can call us for that as well not just questions and comments and requests regarding marriage or sharing how long you've been married but you can call in for this if you get the CD DVD and booklet it's 25 suggested donation or you can order quantity of the others so feel free to do that six one eight six two seven four six five one or you can always email us live Li ve at 3abn dot TV this is really neat here this is from Brian and he's in Washington and basically just says fifteen years married four children I'm 40 years old I'm LDS Mormon but I love your church and you are right about Sunday being wrong what Wow thank you Brian for reaching out to us this evening ten years of marriage congratulations to you as well and for chilled and for children Wow that's right raise them in the truth of God's Word and the admonition of the Lord thank you Brian this is herb and Dorothea have been married for 78 they're not 78 they're put this one up front here yeah another question let's see here I had [Music] components in here please do because you know there's so many things that cover but I'm jumping through them spending okay dealing with conflict ways to keep relationships that's important are this touch on that yeah this is yeah that's a ways to keep relationships growing spend quantity and quality time together hmm do we do that honey yeah we travel together you hear about quality time but you used another word to quantity a lot of people say well hey this is called quality time now we know we live in a vacuum here at 3abn and if you think it's not busy come here for a week we don't know what hat we have on the toe on take all our hats off but my wife and I we travel together I made an agreement with Ray bein years ago that when I travel I'm gonna take my wife with me now for that reason she's not a full-time employee at 3abn but an hourly employee and I said I'd rather take the financial impact than a relational impact so I've been invited around the world and somebody once asked me they said if we pay for your wife to come what is she gonna do I said she's gonna be my wife your support when I'm done talking and preaching to you guys I need somebody to keep me sane and in reality on the plane in the room at the convention when we did a series once and I forgot I can't remember the country but we did it on relationships and the people said it wasn't what you said that impressed us I looked at your wife I looked at how you guys non not communicated I look at the spouse to see whether or not what she what you're saying really matters and they saw that there but I want to just add to that pass because I think that's actually really important because actually you're talking about ways of of a relationship growing a marriage and your spouse coming along with you is actually very important because let's say you have a woman come to you and say pastor let's say you're by yourself pastor and I really need to share this with you you can say Angie come over here join this conversation that also builds a relationship because there's trust being built between the two of you realizing that okay my is not gonna run off over here my wife's gonna run off over here it's like Angie come over here join this conversation this young lady I try has something she needs to share so I think that's an important thing and besides that it helps the fidelity aspect too right in a marriage which is very important let me let me let me include that of us that's a significant aspect of maintaining fidelity and I want to kind of go down that yeah because we put this here when you surround your relationship with what we call safety points because yes we've been on the road and people will come and they're crying and I say yeah because you get the crying and they do I do yeah and what don't spend quantity private time yes with another person other than your spouse because when they communicate you might find that a shed here oh it's gonna be okay and and then you what happened next thing you know they might misinterpret that mm-hmm or then feelings arise that should not be there direct so so the principles of fidelity that we surround our relationship another one was point number two don't get involved in other people's personal matters about their spouse yeah that's good why is it important to keep that in mind or to follow that actually yeah not to get involved in other people's about their spouse next thing you know you're getting connected with them you're hearing all their challenges about their spouse and you feeling sorry for the person and you're attached to them emotionally it's like you're being drawn in next thing you know it leads to an affair and it's like what happened just from listening and you know it just you have to be careful yeah and I like the point you brought up about emotion because emotional because I believe there's much more than just like a sexual at work someone gets involved sexually in an affair I also believe there's an emotional Affairs that you can have you know with with someone so I think that's really important because emotionally you can get involved with someone and not realize it and you're actually becoming unfaithful to your spouse even though even though you may not be involved sexually that's right emotions start it that's correct Steve Steve green had a song feelings can easily swayed or often betrayed at the hand of emotion you did not leave the outcome okay yes the song the other one we put in recognize feelings that begin to arise recognize those feelings because communication brings out a feeling of empathy oh I I had a lady once say to me I wish my husband was just like you but now she was a way older lady and there's one lady or one of our churches watch attitude wailed and she once told my wife had fellowship Luntz remember she said yeah if I was younger I give you a run for your husband no if she wasn't passed she was way older yeah but she voiced it she wasted you know she voiced it yeah and so when when you meet people that you don't know even even limit the kind of touchy-feely type of thing some people might want to say hey and I want to give you a hug they don't even know who you are they want to kiss you on the cheek no you know just I'm a very affectionate person in New York would touch us but I'm learning more to shake a hand and not to assume and some people will say like you're standing at the door I was in Michigan Kent meeting and shaking people's ladies said to me I am NOT a hand shaker just give me a hug right she was an older woman you know okay yeah but limit those things and understand the place where they should arise should not arise number four don't give affections to anyone other than your spouse mmm that's good excellent but kind of on the same line same line same lines be open with each other about undue attention from the opposite sex you know years ago and I remember this well I would I was away and this is very good this is the reason why I carry my wife everywhere I was away and I was in a hotel I was with pastor Finlay mm-hmm and waiting in the airport for somebody to pick me up and there was a lady waiting for somebody to pick her up and she said what are you doing it while on the pastor I'm he was saying for it was written kind of introducing on my pet and well what hotel you stand it I said well well if my ride comes first would you like me to give you a ride I said no that's ok I'll wait and I waited to my shock two days later I get a phone call I think my wife is calling me it's this woman that calls me oh wow I said hello who is this remember we met in the airport but how did you how did you find out where I am well I visit this area so often I know the only so many hotels like that you all know what hotel you are going to know and and yeah well you know can we talk I'm leaving a little you know no no we can't no no no no no hung up the phone and call my wife immediately immediately somebody just called me you would not believe what just happened and so I said ok you know what from now on you're going everywhere with me yeah you always tell me yeah that's called openness and transparency in a marriage and I think that's so important you know if there's any other outside force or person you know just to be open with each other and transparent that's really important barium and they communicate communicate communicate it talked about earlier you know cuz as soon as I hung up the phone from the surprise call you call your wife immediate yeah you wouldn't believe we just called what happened yeah and I said and and so you have to you have to and we've we have through the years recalibrated through the years because sometimes you can and this is kind of funny you know my wife has the personality people love to talk to her and she's such a listener that you know guys like to talk to her but she knows her boundaries she knows her parameters and and that's important for a marriage it is to be successful and so we've you know this clock is going so fast Jill and great but let me add some more things here this is something about did we did we oh did we talk about we didn't even talk about how to keep our relationship growing we just said one thing quick that's right go back to that I want you to share some of that keeping our relationship growing we have a couple of more questions to once we're done with this okay travel together vacation together set aside a special day during the week on week like date me and matter of fact we have that hair date night and we do that it's usually Thursday's your dating here on the set folks you just seeing Pastor John a special vote actually satisfied absolutely or Sunday's you're right if there's something special right tonight will say okay well let's do it Sunday yeah that's good you have to be flexible and you do the same don't you have to be flexible cuz again our schedule is here like Pastor John was mentioning we're so busy here you have to be flexible in those times but it's good as says something and for us date night means I put my cell phone yeah assigned yes and I don't answer don't two emails don't do text you know and set that aside and it's just last time and that's important yeah and we do the same thing we put it away from us because the call is if you hear your phone and you're kind of your body saying answer and of course it's almost like it's growing louder but it's not so we just shut it down and then the other thing we do to keep our to talk about easy and tough issues always so important tough issues is sometimes the hardest isn't it oh it's like oh do we have to talk about this yes yes we do we have to talk about it even as hard as it is to talk about we do it don't we hurt right that's right yeah and we bury it in each other's heart yes we tell each other and no one will ever know what we talk about I try well that's important because whether you whether a person talks about it or not you know it's there so you might as well talk about it even the tough difficult and sometimes you pray how to approach it yeah of course because you don't want to pray and this is something we've learned in the years together we've we've learned that okay we enter this topic we're gonna either lose together when together if we handle it incorrectly well we talk about tough issues and we don't allow other sisty of our time now that's that date night time but sometimes people will insist on your time but if it's an emergency as a pastor I'll see I wanna make clear we don't have office hours you can call me anytime in an emergency but we stab people that used to call there's a lady that you to call us at 5:30 in the morning mm-hmm to share Bible text with me mm-hmm I says is this an emergency no just Bible text I said could you call me like maybe later because at that time of the morning I'm just turning over but that's not to steal your time guard our time don't let people because I could give people so much time as a pastor here's the key and I've heard this people complain about this you've heard of the pastor's kids mm-hmm that's the key issue we don't have children mm-hmm what do we have sheep this goes along with the time aspect and I know the answer to this but says to Pastor John McCain do you put God or your wife first in your life so we're talking about time so this is the question do you put God or your wife first in your life I know the answer okay God not us first the conference often conference office president ministerial asked me this many years ago more than 20 years ago he says sit sit sit down young man before I got my first church in Northern California conference the other Duane Cohen asked me the question he said young man tell me the order of your life in these five categories hmm I said God first my wife next the church after that yeah he said explain that to me I said because I came to the church with my wife I'm leaving the church with my wife if my wife is sick and Sabbath warning is coming and she's in the hospital I'll be in the hospital but yes I'll be by her side amen in those critical moments of life the wife my wife has been there with me and I want to be there with her and so so many pastors I've heard pet people say oh the church above their wife what about the children children down there the children above their wife too yeah and what about the children saying about the pastor and the husband's they say he spends all this time with the church the church yeah no time with us anymore these are several do you have a lot these are several just will run through these quick this just calling them you know I think we should do that and then we should also maybe have a prayer at the end just before we close out so yeah we we only have 11 minutes left okay so you have something well do rapid fire is just yeah how long you been married and Daisy Goldberg married 72 years Marlo and Shirley rendering married 54 years last month live in Moses Lake Washington Oh David and Mary Jones just celebrated 51 years Wow honey we're way behind this is richard and debbie Jeske married 46 years and she said I always prayed I would find a husband that is religious my husband wasn't answering my fire amen this is precious ray and Marjorie from Washington married 70 years today and today is his 90th birthday happy birthday happy Anniversary to both now you know what that calls for not only do you have to give a gift to the person married the longest the bursary Bob and Rosie Shaffer 66 years married and still honeymoony oh I have one here this is from the Davis's from Georgia they've been married 51 years Wow and let's see this is exciting we talked about the jet skis already didn't we and this is from from Europe it looks like 46 years they've been married and God has blessed us we met in a choir in church in Europe okay Wow so they here in the States the name is Debbie looks like 46 years congratulations to you all praise the Lord you know what a testament testimony I have a question here it says you said not to tell others about trouble in a marriage but what if one spouse is unfaithful shouldn't it be okay to tell family friends or a pastor start with your pastor and a marriage counselor because when you bring family and family family is always bias they are never not bias because what happens is when you resolve the issue you know what happens and this is the counsel I don't like gives you put on the shoulders of individuals something they'll never forget Wow but if you go to a professional counselor or a pastor or somebody that can lead you back to that place where where you can find reconciliation then your family member wouldn't be forever saying that you damaged my my son or you damaged my sister they would not remember that on you for the rest of their lives that's similar to the pillow situation you put upon their shoulders things that they can't resolve now if you enter an abusive relationship that's the different story altogether mean physical abuse yeah call mom and dad cousin sister and nephew right away verbal abuse verbal abuse there's another thing physical and verbal abuse if is abusive but don't make the first parameter family go to somebody that's professional somebody that can help you and that was an amazing you know those were things that as a coach I've seen people do that but what happens is they by God's grace if they decide to work through it they get it all fixed but forever you'll go to somebody's house and they say yeah cheetahs coming over today mmm and you say you know that was five years ago come on I mean we worked it out was together yeah but I never thought you did it my daughter and so you don't want to create such an environment where people cannot forget that's that burden that seed you planted that will root and grow and they'll never not have a plant and that plant is not something that will be sweet it'll be sour good advice so start with your pastor pastor or especially our marriage counselor yeah this one they want to be anonymous and looking for God's will and wisdom I'll just read several paragraphs here it says our sentences I am 49 and have desire to be married and to have a family since I was at least 16 years old and they're 49 now in an attempt to live as close to God as I can maybe it has scared all the men off I've come close to getting married once but after much prayer realized that as sweet as my friend was and still is he was not the one for me my question is what should I do without having to go on dating websites which I have or go out half dressed or throwing myself in the pathway of possible men it's not too late is it I'm in a rush to get married this year yes but my rush is more so to be in God's will so that I recognize the right person when God sends him thank in advance for your for your answer so my question is what should I do so they want to have family prayed about it 49 years old and obviously it seems like it's a female yes it doesn't those are situations is something I would I would actually say to that person go sit down and talk to a marriage counselor somebody that could deal with the issues because to be single for 49 years they said they made a statement that I won't even qualify and say that maybe that's true because sometimes people could be overly analyzing themselves well and I have seen people have on one side or the other the the parameter some people have been so exactly what exactly what they want then everybody that comes in wears not good enough on the other side of that some people will take anything that comes their way and they'll discover that's not what I want so you could be somewhere in between that but I think the phrase she mentioned was sometimes you know she's not said this but sometimes you could be so heavenly minded that you're not earthly good uh-huh be the person that you want to attract and that's a very important thing if you want a godly person be godly you don't have to compromise your principles by the way you dress or any of that mmm you know dress godly attract a godly man yeah he's almost sounds a little bit desperate doesn't it I go half dressed throw myself yeah no don't do that yes in that situation in that situation I would pray a lot and read God's Word and get counsel from like spirit of prophecy or books I would read a lot and pray a lot for the Lord to guide me and you know the Lord will guide he won't disappoint you he will guide you you know he's willing he's not he wants you to be happy want you to have an abundant life and he will bless you and guide you but you gotta go to him you know we should do right now talking about prayer yes Angie do you mind if actually you have a short prayer and the pastor maybe with a minute or so left or something in its closing to summarize everything but Angie let's pray for those at home right a short prayer right now our Father in Heaven Lord we come to you in the name of Jesus Lord we thank you so much for this topic about marriage and relationships we pray for the people out there that seek ins for the right mate we pray for Lord that you will guide them and lead them in every aspect of their lives so that they can find someone and we know that we you want us all to be happy we also pray for all those who are celebrating anniversaries bless them Lord thank you for each and every one many years of love and we just thank you and thank you for your love towards us and we praise you and honor you in Jesus name Amen thank you thank you beautiful a real quick summary yes that's great oh yeah learn the love language of your spouse that's good I have learned my love my wife loves hogs not plant hogs but inadvertent hugs she loves when I hug her learned affirmation if that's what a person needs I really appreciate that dinner I like what you took the garbage out thank your husband for taking the garbage out I'm so glad you came home early from work today let him feel good that he came home early hmm honey the house is so clean compliment your wife I love that outfit I don't know you're looking at her it was a good sermon I don't know the message was good so many people don't affirm each other and other people to firm them and they got to get distracted in the wrong direction time spend time with each other yeah time is so important to spend with each other and my husband is such a good husband to me he's he loves me he does things for me I'm coming out I'm coming from the grocery store with bags of groceries and he'll run to the door you bring them bring the little things or you lose your I watch and you can't find it what do I do oh mercy thank you lord my husband picked up the whole bed because we have a bed that it's heavy you can't look under it Oh define look on and my watch fell between it for two weeks you couldn't find it he said less honey we're gonna find out what you flashlight everything that's not take out my draw I got a piece of plywood lifted the bed look under there now for affirmation time gifts gifts people of gifts but don't go crazy and just spend yourself into oblivion acts of service find out what your spouse likes and finally something that spouses are exclusive [Laughter] learn you'll learn your spouse's love language and keep that flame going yeah that's the key learn what that is try and focus on that yes and men like they like hugs too he got absolutely two hours ago by quickly they have indeed what an incredible blessing thank you both so much Pastor John and Angela not only sharing from your heart and from your experience but from the Word of God you know to me you both are seasoned if you could say that in God's work I mean that with the most respect as then you have been in the trenches you have worked and counseled with people and your fruit of your marriage and that experience has come forth tonight so thank you so much I know it's been an encouragement for Gregg and I and we hope and pray it's been an encouragement for you I want to thank you for calling in for emailing in your needs know that this week our pastoral Department will be praying over you and your marriages we have these two couples here that will be getting a special gift food herb and Dorothea married 78 years and Ray and Marjorie their anniversary today that's all the time we have know that we love you and pray for you [Music] you

Channel: Three Angels Broadcasting Network (3ABN)

Views: 36,983

Rating: 4.7306399 out of 5

Keywords: 3ABN, Three Angels Broadcasting Network, yt:quality=high, Marriage enrichment, Biblical marriage, 3ABN Today Live, How to make your marriage last, How to have a successful marriage, Happy marriages, how to have a happy marriage

Id: cTUnHq2-WmI

Length: 116min 0sec (6960 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 15 2018