3.5-Hour Compilation of the Dumbest People on Reddit

a woman tried to break into my car yesterday to rescue my dog from 60 degree weather anyone else have stories of idiotic vigilantes a lady got concerned about my dog in my car too it was funny because she didn't notice me in the car someone needs to take care of their d oh hello there my family had a staffordshire bull terrier when i was young called burt bert used to love dangling and tugging on tree branches and would spend up to 20 minutes just growling and dangling off a branch anyway one day the police arrived and accused us of hanging a dog my mum hadn't got a clue what was going on for a while until she realized but so she took the officer to the field where the dog was dangling and then shouted him he came bounding over and when told to get the tree he sprinted back to attack the branch the policeman just laughed and apologized i still have no idea why someone would look at a dog which was supposedly being hanged and just ring the police instead of going and helping the dog very poor vigilantes in the uk well to start off i used to volunteer quite a bit at my local humane society while volunteering one day someone came in to drop off a large mailboxer with a large tumor hanging from his groin several smaller tumors on his body giant puss filled abscesses between his toes and patches of fur missing due to what i later found out was a thyroid problem also he was severely overweight and looked like he hadn't seen the outside of a kennel in years the hs worker took one look at the dog after sign in and decided he should be put down in a few days i've always had a soft spot for large galooti dogs so i figured i'd foster him until i could find a rescue or vet charitable enough to help him so i took him home and that spurred three whole weeks of ridicule which is how long it took me to find a vet who would treat him from countless passerbys who shouted profanity insults and even sectarian remarks hurled at me just for trying to walk him even though i was clearly wearing a hs volunteer badge now i understand why people would assume that this animal was being abused neglected but the amount of verbal abuse i endured was almost unbearable every time i put his leash on i had to mentally prepare myself for confrontation and hope that it didn't become physical because the sight of this dog made people seriously pee i heard take care of that dog you stupid bee yelled at me from quite a few cars got honked at incessantly and my favorites why don't you people ever take your dogs to the vet and of course stupid n hope you go to jail there was only one time where one of the hecklers actually stopped telling me how terrible i was to listen to my side of the story and after i told it they questioned the validity of my volunteer badge and wouldn't take my story as truth until many of the people at the dog park confirmed it i took a lot of abuse just for helping that dog but it was worth it i eventually adopted him and he gave me five of the best years of my life miss you brock i once loaded my groceries and my son who was about to into my car lock the car and walk 10 feet to put the cart up this woman ran out of nowhere screaming that i had abandoned my son in the car to go shopping and called the police on her cell phone i said um i am right here putting up the cart not even walking in the direction of the store she said she knew what i was up to i just calmly got in my car and drove off there was a fire ban in our area that i didn't know about so when i fired up the grill my neighbor called the cops on me when i asked her why did you call the police instead of just warning me her response was quite literally because i didn't want you to get a ticket dumbest freaking thing i ever heard come out of someone's mouth luckily the police officer was cool and just made me put the fire out instead of giving me the ticket [Music] when i was 15 i was vacationing with my family near the ocean city boardwalk for those who don't know it's basically a mile or two of stores restaurants and arcades positioned on a wooden walkway near the beach anyway one day i'm on the boardwalk by myself going to arcades enjoying myself when i accidentally drop my driver's permit down the cracks of the boardwalk not wanting to lose it i head on down below the boardwalk it's about three feet above the beach and really easy to get under and retrieve my card as i exited there was this guy standing near where i came out and accused my of stealing someone's credit card i told him it was my driver's permit showed it to him and walked off cue to about an hour later when i'm back at the rental house when the police knock on the door they told me they were called about someone stealing a credit card i explained the story showed them my permit and they laughed and walked off apparently the guy followed me for another 30 minutes on the boardwalk a 15 year old through arcades and then half a mile back to the house just so he could call the cops on me it both peed me off to no ends and creeped me out knowing someone could stalk me that long without me noticing tl dr guy thinks i stole a credit card when i was retrieving my driver's permit i show him the permit he apparently stalks me for a good while follows me back to my house and calls the cops on me i had a woman threatened to call child protective services because my 13 month old daughter was left alone in the car i was filling the car with gas at the time our old horse died a few years ago obviously you can't just bury a 17-hand horse in the backyard so we called up the renderer he said he'd be around in about three days to pick her up it's only one guy who serves the tree state area so three days is quick since she laid down in the pasture to die we simply covered her with a piece of tarp and used some stones to weigh it down a few hours later our neighbor came over yelling at us that our dead horse smelled atrocious and was going to give her children nightmares it was october she wasn't rotting in 100 plus degree weather and where she had died was in a place that you could only see from outside of the road the lady lived two houses away across the street how the heck were her kids going to see it unless they were on our property she called the police turns out it was the sheriff or whatever his title is that answered after confirming that she did not smell he asked if we had called the renderer we told him that he'd pick her up in three days he turned to the lady and said sometimes it takes three weeks go home when i was a kid i saw a woman walk up to her station wagon with the window cracked open at a shopping center she cooed at the dog open the unlocked door then let the dog out i thought she was the owner but she went one way and the dog ran the other yay i just saved this dog from the car better let it run through busy roads now i'm such a good person i worked at an ice cream parlor a while back and we made our own ice cream waffle cones chocolates fudge etc well one day i'm making the waffle cones and i wasn't being careful when i went to take a cone off the iron the top of the iron fell on the top of my hand i got a pretty good waffle shaped burn from it no biggie i got it taken care of but i had a pretty good waffle pattern on my hand for a long time after that probably a month after it happened i had a couple come in who saw my burn while i was giving them their ice cream they were super concerned about it and i told them it was nothing just carelessness on my part they wouldn't let it go and were convinced that i was being abused in the workplace they wrote out all sorts of information for me an abuse hotline website etc and gave it to me before they left they came in a couple more times and checked up on me just strange that they wouldn't accept that the burn wasn't intentional i was on my way to the park with my border collie whippet cross when i ran into an older clearly slightly crazy woman who wanted to pet her i lived in a part of my city with quite a few crazy people and most of them were perfectly harmless so i didn't think anything of it at first she was friendly scratching my dog's head and cueing gibberish then she suddenly turned on me and said she's so skinny you must not be feeding her i explained that she was part whippet and that that was just her natural build but she wouldn't hear it she felt my dog's side and started to shout i can feel her ribs i bet i can't feel your ribs why should you eat better than her she proceeded to stand up and poke me in the ribs and i walked away with her shouting down the street after me i had a lady yell out the window of her car that roads are not for bikes she then proceeded to rear end the vehicle in front of her roads are also not for people who don't pay attention when driving a car justice was served there i know bikes aren't illegal on the road so you don't need to tell me again a friend's neighbor called the fire department on a bonfire we were having not only was the whole group decently quiet there was no alcohol involved and it was only about 9 p.m he had warned us about an hour before about keeping the fire controlled even though the flames were really low and in an enclosed pit surrounded by gravel with a hose very close at hand the fire department came in full gear with their lights on only to inspect the area and find out that everything was completely safe and legal i know it's better safe than sorry but this man was wasting emergency responders time over probably the safest bonfire i've ever been to interestingly the least safe bonfire i've ever been to was at a firefighter's house i was house dog sitting one summer a couple of years ago it was an admittedly hot day but the dogs were anxious to go outside so i decided they could go outside and play and pee in the yard for about 30 minutes before they needed to come back in they were a pair of two poorly trained hound mixes and would bark at just about anything that offered interaction after about 15 minutes i hear them barking much more than usual and i come out and there is some lady shouting at the dogs from the side of the lawn getting them all kinds of riled up i ask her what the heck she's doing and she starts going off about how she's going to call the animal warden and how i'm torturing these dogs look at how they're barking and howling like they're in pain she says she's dancing around in front of the dogs taunting them and shouting at them and then she has the audacity to tell me that these dogs are barking because they want to come inside i also don't think my town had an animal warden and if we did i don't think he she would give two freaks we lived in montana and it was freaking freezing i had my roughly three-month-old daughter in a fleece sweater and pants covered in a blanket in line at a dollar store she starts to cry the lady keeps telling me she's cold i told her she's in fleece in a store with heat she's not cold she kept insisting she was cold i told her she's hungry it's her feed me cry she's not cold as the lady starts getting louder about how us young mothers don't know anything people naturally started to look as she continued to scream at me i told her my child is hungry see and lift up my shirt pop out my tit and my daughter just went to town lady just left her things there and walked out [Music] when i was a toddler my mom who was pregnant at the time would tie me to the clothesline with a lead think like a dog run i could run back and forth along the clothesline as far as the lead would allow me the neighbor lady always scolded my mother for doing this saying it was cruel to treat me like a dog i honestly don't even remember it so i doubt it was very traumatic my mom replied that she was nine months pregnant with my brother and having me kept within a certain radius made it much easier for her to keep an eye on me so my mom was keeping an eye on me playing in the backyard one day and the lady came over to yell at her about it again crazy neighbor lady ending up untying me i took off running straight into the middle of an extremely busy street my pregnant mother screaming and running after me to catch me i could have been killed because some stupid lady thought that having me tied to her clothesline was too cruel but didn't bother to consider that maybe a two-year-old near a busy street should be restrained somehow honestly crazy lady wherever you are you did me no favors that day i bet she also put you in a bed with bars on it to sleep at night like a baby cage i was in downtown portland or with my wife and child tomo at the time on a summer day i had to get fitted for a suit so my wife and child went off to the park down the road 15 minutes into the fitting my wife comes into the store crying she goes on to explain that she was yelled at by some lady for bringing my kid outside the lady followed her the entire way back to the store screaming about child abuse and of course onlookers just stared at my wife apparently the lady threw a fit because it was too windy for an infant it was about atf 25c outside and barely breezy apparently this [ __ ] of a woman forgot humans have lived with light breezes for men or millennia tl dr some dumb lady thought a breeze would hurt kill my tombow old honor atf 25c day and made my wife cry for what it's worth i live in portland and if i had seen that i would have told that lady to mind her own business and leave your wife alone that's ridiculous here's a story on the right way to do things concerning rescuing dogs at my restaurant we noticed a commotion on the other side of the street one of our hosts went to go check it out and apparently there was a dog in the car the meter had 18 minutes left on it so assuming they had the maximum time three hours the dog had been in there for a while i went to check it out and there was a lady who said we should smash the window and take the dog to be fair the dog looked miserable it was 97 degrees out and super humid this was right in the middle of the recent east coast heat wave someone else said they had seen the couple who owned the car going to my restaurant i asked for a description and went and looked for them myself i found what table they were at and let them know that their dog didn't look like it was doing so well the man at the table told me that i should mind my own business i went and checked the seating software and found that the table had been seated for two and a half hours the cops were called the dog was taken and the couple find haven't seen them since mind your own business okay get out of my restaurant my sister owns an older arabian stallion horse at the time she was living on a dead end road on a large property in an area of our city where there were there were several other horse owners and it was a nice private location with plenty of room to exercise the horse one day my sister and i arrive at her house after doing errands to find a woman she has never seen before standing over by the horse petting it my sister asks the woman if she can help her with anything and the woman informs her she has called animal control and launches into a tirade about the horse being underfed and that my sister is a horrible person and the horse needs to be taken away right about then animal control arrives to assess the situation and the horse's condition only to leave shortly thereafter because the complaint had been unwarranted the horse is fine the woman gets huffy and leaves we left the house again and come back to see that the woman has returned she has dumped literally bags of apples into the horse's coral and starts going on a game about how the horse is underfed my sister tells her to leave and that if she comes back she is calling the cops feeding a horse a few apples is fine stuffing them them to the brim with apple's cause cause colic which can be fatal to the horse in this case the horse did actually develop colic and had to be treated by a veterinarian the woman clearly knew nothing about horses and the only logical conclusion i could come up with is that her ignorance led her to believe that all horses look the same and did not take into account the smaller slighter frame of the breed or she was just crazy i was once yelled at by an old lady about how evil i am because my dog had a dark tail now i don't agree with docking but her tail had already been cut when i got her she was the runt of the litter from a farm she could have had a much worse fate than having no tail reminds me of the time when six-year-old me left my life size built non-realistic obviously fabric with permanent stupid grin toy dog in the back of my dad's car in moderate heat some woman had been trying to get into the car for a good 10 minutes scratching the door in the process and stood screaming at us whilst my dad tried to tell her it was a toy she wouldn't even accept it when we got the motionless toy dog out of the car and showed her the care label in fact she only went away when the manager of the shop will be parked at came outside to see what the heck was going on tl dr similar situation but with obviously toy dog i was at a bar and watched an annoying girl slap a virgin bloody mary out of the hand of a six-month pregnant woman are you trying to kill your baby please tell me she didn't let her get away with it i used to live in a small hippie-riddled town in northern ca one day an animal rights activist planned an action to be carried out solo he was going to liberate the lobsters that were being held against their will waiting to be auctioned off for food to whomever was willing to pay basically he was going to set the lobsters free from the co-op where they were being sold out of a huge clean tank mind you so he stole these lobsters somehow and he set them free in the pacific ocean where they all promptly died animal liberation at its best best crazy advice i ever got was from my neighbor while i was a peace corps volunteer i decided for my own sanity and possibly just to feel a little american at home to get a dog upon hearing about my plans to get a puppy she spent an hour lecturing me about how i had to let my dog out to eat trash so that when my dog got out to eat trash she would not get sick from eating trash i did my best to assure her that my dog would at no point be out eating trash she dismissed me as crazy and told me my dog would die from eating trash every time i walked my dog she would point at trash my dog is still alive and not eating trash this story confounds me [Music] one year on the 4th of july i parked my car in a dirt parking lot with a bunch of other cars when it was time to leave i saw one line of cars led to the street and another empty pathway to the road that no one else was taking it was dark and i stupidly took the empty pathway to find that there was a two foot wide trench that i got my tyres stuck into my car has front-wheel drive but while calling a tow truck a lady came up to me screaming that i was blocking the way and that i needed to remove my vehicle and once otherwise she was going to get me arrested for getting my car stuck where any other car would have gotten stuck some kind men helped me get my car out and i cancelled the tow truck but one of them kept insisting i sue the city why for getting myself stuck in a trench don't sue but you should report the trench in many places the state is not responsible for damages caused by potholes etc that were never reported reporting means they'll fix it or someone who's whose car is damaged will get compensated reverse situation my dad was a vigilante who got attacked by a complete idiot car owner there was a huge fire in an abandoned house and three huge 60 feet high eucalyptus trees in front caught fire as well we had alerted the fire brigade but they were still nowhere in sight and out of the five cars parked directly in front of the eucalyptus trees only four were moved by the owners by the time the fire was starting to look like it would start producing humongous falling fiery branches my dad decided enough was enough took initiative in iraq broke the driver's side window opened the door released the handbrake and we all rolled the car to safety five minutes after we rolled the unmanned car about 40 feet away from the raging fire out comes the owner from her nearby house a woman in her 40s in an even bigger age she demanded to know why he broke the window and after some time passed and we were sure she wasn't joking we showed her the branches that had been falling continuously where she had parked the car the smallest one was the size of a baseball bat the largest one took two fully grown men to carry off the road after the fire was put out if we hadn't moved the car it would be ruined at the least and possibly exploded as the fire brigade later agreed she however failed to understand how that involved her car and how the falling branches would burn and or exploded into oblivion we had to go to court to explain why she was an idiot and we shouldn't pay for the broken window we got justified but the trial took a work day off my dad's paycheck one would guess insurance would cover the costs but she didn't want to call them no good deed goes unpunished i guess tl dr dad saved car from exploding in flames got sued instead of thanked my guess is she wanted the car destroyed so she could claim it on insurance your dad fricked up her plans my daughter was playing outside in elephant's front yard we live on a very quiet cul-de-sac i was in the kitchen doing some cooking and watching her when i notice a couple stop look at my kid and then come up my driveway to ring my doorbell a minute later i answered the door to have them angrily accuse me of neglect and child endangerment i was unpleasant to them in other words to explain to you how you're putting your child in danger of intruders they trespassed on your property my first dog was actually abducted from my front yard by a vigilante so i live kind of out in the country and we have a big yard we never put our dog on a leash because she doesn't like them and we don't need to put her on one well one day we couldn't find our dog and she never wanders away after searching for a while we get a call from the local humane society saying someone has brought in our dog my dad goes down there and asks who brought our dog there apparently some guy saw our dog in the front lawn and decided she wasn't safe so he took her she was a friendly dog that loved car rides so of course she went with him when bringing her in the guy used his belt as a makeshift leash and my dog bit right through it as well as one of the leashes of the humane society the lady at the human society tells my dad that he needs to have a leash to take his dog home and that he will have to pay for the belt and the leash my dad informs her that the guy has stolen his dog and he is lucky he doesn't press charges the release our dog without a leash and she happily climbs in my dad's truck and they go home tl doctor some butthole stole my dog and had his belt chewed through hey read it look at this cute dog that i saved so by memory i'm thinking it was around 1984 winter and my mother leaves me in the car one of the finest chevy movers to ever grace this earth if you must know to go into the dry cleaners i'm six years old at a time wearing an absurdly puffy coat and it's still pretty damn cold in the car the cleaners was maybe a good six or eight blocks from home and the heat in that nova was asthmatic at best so there i am minding my own business and watching the snow when out of freak in nowhere comes an insane pounding on my window and six-year-old me looks to my right to see what appeared to be an absurd banshee from heck with a richtest of sheer lunacy shouting about something i may have peed slightly the pounding and the yelling continues and i may have even had the hood of my ridiculous coat up because i couldn't make out a word this lady was saying i did the only thing that made sense in my first grade mind reached out and pushed the door locked solidly down and retreated to the other side of the car a little more yelling happens then finally my mother comes flying out of the cleaners in her full five feet one inches of righteous fury evidently the screaming banshee became somewhat lucid at that point because they eventually ended up having a rather tense conversation which culminated in my mother opening the door to the car and asking you know how to open the car door right yes and you could take your coat off if you wanted i look at her like she's crazy yes and if you wanted to you could have walked the eight feet to the door of the dry cleaners and come in and got me if you needed anything um yes i'm six but i'm not a [ __ ] a piercing glare a slamming car door and we're off to the next stop on our whirlwind aaron tour with one very silent banshee standing in the parking lot in the snow watching us depart i'm glad this occurred well before mobile phones now that i think about it i'm a dude i was working at victoria's secret at the time and i was doing all the go backs restocking and generally straightening the store i had some pink paper bags filled with sensors and clips in one and uncensored items in others that day the store was messy we had a collection of items that were uncensored and i was running around organizing the store i was periodically taking uncensored items putting them in corresponding bags and when i came to the appropriate section i censor the item and meticulously arrange the panties or bras or rack in an aesthetically pleasing fashion as per limited brand's policy so an hour into this particularly droll activity on a slow day i noticed an older woman following me eyeing me when i would look at her she would turn away or walk away i would have asked her if she needed help but with a combination of pretending i did not exist my workload and the other equally capable associates present i did not she would follow me until i was near the exit in the corner i was shuffling through the remaining items popping senses on the seam i had noticed that on a particular panty the seam was unravelling and i placed the item closer to my face i began inspecting it my two thumbs twiddling against the seam to get a tensile extent of the damage then i felt an arm grab hold of me the older woman had a grip on my bicep she is now pulling me away from my work to my greeter call your manager i've been following this pervert trying to steal and sniff panties double quote the greeter was taken aback and was honestly confused she looks at me back at her and all the items in my hand she finally says imam he's the stock manager double quote oh man let me get another hit of that clean cotton smell sniff oh sweet jesus yes can i just say that idiotic vigilante sounds like a great name for a history channel show little backstory i work as a mechanic at a rental yard for construction equipment i had forgotten my phone in the shop and had to go in at about 11 p.m and get it i go and unlock the front gate and drive in and shut the gate behind me after i grab the phone i leave i notice parked across the street is the same car that saw me drive in they've been sitting there watching me the whole time i leave and they drive behind me for a solid 15 minutes i would purposely run yellow lights and they'd still be on my tail i didn't want them following me home so about a block away i pulled over and got out they slowed down then drive away frick vigilantes if you see something call the police not really vigilante because no justice is being served but i'm forever getting home remedies for my lung problems it's a genetic disease cystic fibrosis with no known cure and some pretty impressive science put into developing treatments despite this i still get people insisting all sorts of bulls treatments to me everything from oregano oil held under my tongue to doing sea no really that's been suggested as an attempt to get rid of my sinus problems hello people if any of that crap worked i would be doing it i'm sorry to inform you oregano oil won't cure genetic diseases that reminds me of a friend girl i used to play racquetball with when you play racquetball you get hit with racquetballs and they leave bruises that last a couple weeks sometimes well she's at the beach with her bf and as soon as her bf goes to the bathroom a couple women come over and tell her that they know he's beating her and to come away with them and they'll protect her she tries telling them the bruises are from our ball but they wouldn't believe her leave her alone yes we know he's beating you at racquetball my old boss lives in rural california and has two or three farm cats to keep the road and population in check the cats would come and go as they pleased and it wasn't uncommon to not see them for days at a time but during the housing boom in 2006 people started moving from the city to new development a few miles down the road from his farm one day a woman shows up at his door holding one of his cats the cat seems very agitated and she has scratches all over her arms she says she that this cat must have gotten out and she is returning it she holds it out to him he says uh thanks and takes the cat and puts it on the ground the cat runs off woman loses her crap yelling at him about how he's a horrible cat owner how it could be hit by a car he says something to the effects of i'm the only person who lives on this road if it gets hit by a car it's a pretty crappy cat city people have a hard time realizing the fact that cats on farms are just as much functional animals as cows are it's still sad when one takes a nap in the field during harvest season though not really a vigilante but something of the sort happened to me when i was younger and at an airport i was probably about 13 or so and i was waiting with my family in the waiting area before you bought the plane there was a guy in the army with his uniform on waiting near us and this elder lady who was listening to him intently i was close enough to hear him and her talk but wasn't really listening anyway as my dad called me over to him this lady grabbed my arm wouldn't let go and demanded that i stay and listen to this army guy talking about how i should thank him for his service and how i should be respectful and listen my dad saw this and came over and told her to let me go she did but then tried to argue with him about how i need to have respect for the military and all that he told her that as my dad he'll take care of my values and to leave me alone it freaked me out a bit as she seemed like she was kind of out of her mind i guess i should make clear that i wasn't like bashing the guy for being in the army or anything just minding my own business should have put her down sorry lassie what would have been best see is if she somehow managed to get the car door open and then the dog ate her win-win intruder must protect the masters i went to the grocery store with my dog in the car on a ridiculously hot day i brought two keys so i could lock the car door with the engine still running and ac on as i walked away from my car some woman actually jumped out of the passenger side of a moving vehicle and starts screaming i say the engine's running and the ac is on she doesn't miss a beat and keeps screaming about how it's too hot to have my dog in the car i repeated myself she then turned and stormed off apparently i was in butthole for not letting her have her moment of do-gooder glory my wife was driving a couple weeks ago and saw an older couple in a small sedan next to her in traffic with a toddler sitting on the lap of the male front seat passenger without a car seat she followed them a couple miles all the way to a walmart parking lot and jumped out to go give him a talking too as she approached their car she discovered that the male was extremely hairy and wearing shorts and what she thought to be a toddler's head was his hairy exposed knee tl dr wife thought tall man's hairy knee was a toddler sitting on his lap in traffic actually he was he reproduces vegetatively and his knee was splitting off into a separate organism two stories when i was a kid i was a very picky eater one day at daycare i bit my friend and she bit me on my face to make me feel better my mom took me out to an ice cream shop but i hated ice cream so she just got a plain cone for me i tried to run off before she finished paying and she turned around and grabbed me to keep me close and i started throwing a fit this lady tried to take me from my mom and started screaming at her for abusing me and not getting the ice cream and asked me if i was okay and tried to make me go with her my mom had to sit there and let her ice cream melt so she could explain to this lady what was going on but second my great aunt had very well trained german shepherds and a pickup truck she was at a gas station once and went inside to pay and when she got back some man started to scream at her about how her dogs were probably not trained and that they were a danger to everyone she just looked at the man and snapped her fingers both dogs were on either side of her growling at the man within two seconds she glared at him for a couple more seconds and snapped again the dogs went back into the truck and she turned around and got in and drove off not saying a word she was a beast when i was born i had something wrong with my eyelids that required surgery this was in the early 70s so the doctors thought it best to wait until i was a little older to do the surgery they did the surgery at nine months old it left me with two black eyes done eye surgery and then the doctors put a cast on each one of my arms to prevent me from touching my eyes other than looking like heck i was completely healthy here's my mom lugging around this baby with two black eyes and what looks to be like two broken arms some woman attacked my mom and grocery store to see how she liked being beaten up police were called my mom explained and the woman was extremely embarrassed at that point was arrested needless to say my mom ran errands without me after that until the bandages came off it's been 35 plus years and i always wonder if that woman still feels stupid about beating up a woman whose baby just had surgery i would kill to be in a 60f car it is so dang hot here i was walking home once with my girlfriend when this woman came out of nowhere and asked if we had seen her cat she said the cat was ever so naughty in a british accent over and over again we went about our business and went inside my place we came out five minutes later with my dog to take him for a walk just as we get outside this cat darts out of an alley and across the street my girlfriend looks at me and yells that's her cat the cat proceeded to run across the street and hide under a car my gf stayed near the car with the cat while i went to find this lady with my dog she was wondering about a block from where we last saw her i told her we thought we had found her cat her response what the cat was very naughty i led her back to the car and the cat tries to run away from her we kind of corner and under another car the woman keeps telling the cat how naughty it's being and eventually picks it up tells us she found the cat about two weeks ago and that it's been running away at least once every two days tl dr i helped a woman kidnap a very naughty cat there is a fast foodish restaurant near me that serves japanese food your kisabose teriyaki bowls etc takes about five minutes to get your food if you order it there or one minutes if you call it ahead and pay you get the picture it's in a little shopping complex next to a karate dojo etc so here i am in tucson in february freaking beautiful outside 70th a guy pulls up in his rover windows cracked one in or so and runs inside to get his food he had called in his baby is asleep in a child seat in the back seat it's not done cooking so he pays it's been about a minute or so a crowd begins to gather around his car they start shaking his car at 1 30 minutes after he comes in and at the same time a woman comes in and yells like legit yells whoever the butthole is that owns the rose needs to get out here now your baby is dying whoa okay the father sprints out people out there are yelling at him one guy is and i crap you not trying to punch his way through the back glass window to get into the guy's rover to the baby this guy is also wearing the uniform for the aforementioned karate dojo the guy runs out sees his baby crying at this point in the back seat in his baby seat my friends and i had walked out there too at this point so the driver flips tells everyone to get away from his car to stop yelling it's making the baby cry etc one lady then says the cops are on the way and he better not move he reaches inside gets his baby caesar baby is in no way dying just now very upset at all the commotion three minutes have now passed since he parked and walked inside so anyways we go inside expecting him to leave cause why the frick won't you but he waits i didn't think about it at the time but they had given his license plate to the cops the cops come the people outside five or six of them mob the cop tell him the dad had been inside for 40 minutes and hadn't checked on his baby so they came out to help the baby looked like he was in danger so they had to try to break the glass etc we my friends and i the owner of the restaurant the dad and two other groups of people in the resort go outside tell them cop what actually happened the father is issued a warning the cop leaves and then right before the father leaves the woman who had come inside yelling gives lip to the father the father puts his kid down calmly turns around and tells her if he ever sees her making his child cry again he will call the cops on her really he was calm i am not being biased here the karate guy then puffs up his chest and tells the dad to frick off before i kick your butt and that he doesn't deserve to be a father the father drives away and two very crappy people as well as about four other misguided people feel like they served justice today blew me away at the time one time when i was three years old my mother took me to a museum and a crazy mother there somehow took an increased interest in us and decided that since i don't look very much like my mother i'm half black half white water shocker that she must have kidnapped me and actually called the cops on us the police showed up the house as i'm sure they're required to do by procedure and it was quickly proven that i was in fact my mother's son and the crazy woman probably never got the mental health she so obviously needed not really an idiot but nonetheless it was hilarious i was smoking a pork shoulder on my bbq i went inside to let it do its thing when a little while later a bearded man burst into my house he was wearing cut off jean shorts a muscle tank top from the 80s and rain boots his head reminded me of a beach boy the bearded 50 year old look he shouts your house is on fire i of course jump up and run outside thinking something must be wrong i opened the barbecue and it's smoking away nothing wrong he followed me into the backyard and i told him everything was cool i was just smoking some meat there was like a small crowd outside the backyard gate must have been his family or something i thanked him for his concern and my stupid brain kept telling me ask him what he is wearing i never did though the guy just leaves without saying much and calls off the crowd i never saw him again but i still have laughing fits when my wife reminds me of the time the old man and jean cut offs and rain boots bust through the door to save us it was good on him to check he wasn't an idiot just dressed like one what's the stupidest thing you've seen a grown butt adult get angry over not being allowed to watch p on the computers in the children's section of the public library the children's computers had a content filter on them to prevent this sort of thing from happening however this dude brought a flash drive with his favorite videos on it and when the computers in the non-children's section were all in news he decided that the best course of action was to go over to where there were a number of young kids working on homework and playing minecraft when a librarian told him he couldn't do that on those computers and asked him to leave he flipped out accused the librarian of being a pr file under our pissed and threatened to both sue and stab everyone who worked at the library the cops were called and they ended up having taste him to get him to leave was at the bookstore borders with my family my mom saw a toy car my little brother liked so she broke the door on it and then asked the cashier if she could get a discount on it since it was broken cashier said she wasn't allowed to give discounts so my mom called her a stupid fat b and stormed out of the store this is one of the more mild incidents with my mom needless to say i do not talk to her anymore i used to work as a cashier at a grocery store and would work the express lane 15 items or less and turning away people with hundreds of items was nerve-wracking because it wasn't uncommon for grown adults to throw a fit over it as a senior i am embarrassed at some of my so-called peers with how they act in public i worked in pharmacy and entitled seniors are the worst i vow never to be like them [Music] well my dad's new wife totally lost her crap because she was going through my dad's phone and in a group text message between him me my brother and my sill i sent some pictures i had taken while we were on vacation at disney we took my mum it was me husband eight-year-old son my mom my mill and my phil so naturally she was in some of the pictures that started a six-month period of her harassing me over phone text email threatening me and all around losing her crap my dad and i no longer talk so that was fun i work as a barista at a coffee shop one day this dude comes up and wants a filter coffee with almond milk at exactly 47 degrees so i did exactly that few seconds later he loses his crap and complaints that the drink is wrong i asked him what was wrong with it and he replied no he basically shouted and insulted me that the drink was one millimeter to high i was like what he asked if only retards work in the coffee shop as it's very easy to see the line and the cup he brought with him he said this has never happened to him he feels insulted so on and so forth i tried to calm him down but he insisted i get the manager my manager came and banned him from entering the store ever again that's a quality manager right there my grandma is a type 2 diabetic when she was staying with my family after hurricane harvey destroyed her trailer she got really peed off that my stepdad was making healthy meals for her instead of her favorites like fries pizza hamburgers pasta etc my stepdad being type 2 as well he said he wasn't going to enable her horrible eating habits and let her slowly kill herself i work as a nurse aide on a cardiac unit we have a lot of people with diabetes and with heart failure that act this way over the food the doctors let them have their peed and we're literally trying to save their life [Music] literally anything with traffic in multiple places honking can basically mean you want to fight my aunt had a guy get out of the car and start banging her car and screaming because she passed him i've had people throw their car in park because i honked after realizing they wouldn't look up from their phone after sitting at a green light stop being a dong when someone calls you out for being a crap driver a friend once called me fuming mad because the person working the drive through said welcome to fast food restaurant would you like to try our featured item today he was furious about it your job is not to tell me what i want your job is for me to tell you what i want he yelled this to me as if he was talking to the employee the only reason he called me was to be about the drive-through employee i was like dude have you never been to a drive-through before they almost always do that and besides it is part of their job to recommend the featured items to everybody that employee was almost definitely instructed to do so by their boss and would have gotten in trouble if they didn't i think you should reveal your two friend choices [Music] my grown-ass cousin got angry at her five-year-old niece for liking unicorns because she adult cousin liked them first i wouldn't give him a free refill on his popcorn because we'd closed the stand and thrown it all away already the security guard had to intervene at one point because he thought the guy was actually going to hit me the large chain movie theater i worked at required us to put the end of day popcorn in garbage bags then throw it back into the machine the next morning the crazy old ladies that showed up at 10 am swore that the fresh stuff was best my office wore march of dimes shirts during the month of november we weren't asking for donations or anything we were just wearing the shirts one man started complaining as soon as he saw them saying that it's ridiculous how much people donate to children's cancer research when so many more adults have cancer he continued being loud about it and even started engaging other customers march of dimes is not a charity for childhood cancer research but for babies born prematurely not only did he look like an idiot he also looked like and but expired coupons that weren't redeemable because we no longer had the product sure you had the product you were just hiding it in the back i was getting a tire patch which is free at the shop i went to another lady behind me in line flipped her lid that her oil change was a whopping 80 cents more than the last time she had been in an 80 cent increase and that it had always been that price before she then insisted since i wasn't being charged she shouldn't be either even though they were two very different services and mine never had a charge to begin with they offered her an atc discount to match her previous price because i'm not going to argue with you over 80 cents she took the discount but was ranting the entire time about preferential treatment etc etc i used to work in a pt clinic as an aide not a clinician not certified in anything just there to guide patients through exercises and get them a heat pad ice pack later huge busy place so reusable ice packs not always absolutely 100 frozen for the next person but definitely cold had a lady insist that her ice pack was not turned on told her i just took it out of the freezer give it a minute to get through the pillowcase around it 30 seconds later this woman is screaming that i am wasting her money because i refuse to turn her ice pack on and she hopes i get hit by a car after work okay lady whatever helps you sleep at night had a mother stalk me on university campus when i reported her son for plagiarizing on three essays in a row after he refused to admit he had purposefully done so we're talking full paragraphs linked by turn it into specific webpages she finally confronted me after a few days i had noticed her because she suddenly was everywhere i was and lost her crap when i said that i could not discuss any student in any class with her stomped her foot went into a dramatic monologue in the athletic center foyer about how she would do anything for her son questioned my ethics credentials belief in god and was yelling at me about heck when security dragged her out the moral of the story always gets them monologuing went with some friends to nick in the first couple of weeks of december to do christmas why things in the city one of those things was to go to fao schwartz but because there were so many other people trying to do the same thing we had to wait in line but it was a 50 minute wait in line and we were queued up line wrapped around the block and in that time we got to yuck it up with the people in line with us i turned around to say something to friends then turned back around to move forward and noticed two strange women ahead of me that were not in line a moment before i turned back around to give my friends are you seeing this crap look at the women that cut when a guy with a stroller tried to brush past me i stopped him dead in his tracks by standing in front of the stroller i told him that the back of the line was down the block and about a 40-minute wait from our current spot he just looked at me like i was the butthole and said thanks for the information but i am trying to get to the rest of my group while nodding to the women that cut the line when i wasn't looking the people ahead of us that we had been joking with heard the commotion that i was making and started in on the women that cut the line the guy was looking angrier and angrier as he kept trying to get past me and finally the line as a whole managed to get the line cutters to shove off as the group of line cutters were leaving the guy looked back and shot me some colorful comments about the quality of my character and left yeah i don't care that you are upset that i wouldn't let you your infant and two women in tow cut the line friend of mine got seriously hurt off a 50-plus foot ski jump trying to avoid this six-year-old girl hanging out in the blind landing my friend is on the ground crying with his broken leg and ribs and the father of this girl had the audacity to go stand over him and start screaming at him about how he could have killed his daughter the six-year-old hanging out in a blind spot where professional athletes were training the mass of the park surrounded this guy quickly and told him they better never see him in a terrain park teaching his daughter how to ski on the landings of massive jumps and proceeded to escort him and his daughter down the mountain freaking idiot almost got his daughter killed permanently injured my friend and then decided to come scream at an injured person who just hurt themselves to save his daughter's life the worst part he didn't learn his lesson and blames everyone else for being jerks a parent at my child care center was peed i wouldn't let her take another child's boots she swore up and down they were her sons even though they were too big for him and clearly labelled with someone else's name i lost count of how many times someone has screamed in my face when i asked for it for a rated r movie or explained to a customer we have reserved seating so they had to choose their seat when buying a ticket i'm a flight attendant so i see adults get angry over stupid things pretty much every time i go to work it's usually when they are asleep and get angry because we skipped them during the beverage service also had a guy get furious and scream at me because we didn't have meals to serve in main cabin on a two-hour flight i calmly explained to him that we don't have meals on that length of a flight he just kept going on and on about how ridiculous it was as if i should simply produce a meal for him out of nowhere while we were in the air my mom got so mad she was red in the face it was about biscuits at a restaurant not being perfect a lot of the movie theaters in my area have converted to a choose a seat when purchasing a ticket model guy was trying to buy tickets with his daughter and having an absolute fit because there weren't many good seats left for that time slot and that this process doesn't allow for spontaneity anymore he's not wrong about that but he was raging at the poor high school kid just doing her job worked customer service at a grocery store woman brings in freaking boxes of canned goods and cereal boxes no receipt she says she bought them for a donation but forgot just for giggles i scanned the item to return and it's not in our system i take a look at the cans expiration date 2005 it was 2008. look at the cereal boxes expiration date 2007 i explained that we can't return her goods because they were purchased a long long time ago and even if i wanted to they don't scan into the system she throws a fit straight screaming about terrible customer service getting the attention of everyone in the store my manager comes over and she screams he won't return my goods my manager says to just do it i tell him to look at the expiration date and he says to the lady i'm sorry but you can't just clean out your pantry and expect to return expired goods she yelled some more before storming off and leaving all the stuff sitting on the counter to this day i don't understand how a 40-something adult thought they would get away with that i worked at an auto parts store for a while we'd get middle-aged dudes who'd get mad at us for not looking for parts that don't exist for their cars or for simply asking them to clarify what they're working on it's incredibly disheartening to see a grown-ass man throw a hissy fit all because he doesn't know what kind of car he has i need pads and rotors for a 2004 malibu okay sir here you are two hours later you gave me the wrong parts these don't fit my 2005 malibu i saw a woman lose her crap because borders wouldn't accept her barnes and noble's gift card during the yelling it became clear that she was aware barnes and nobles had clothes but borders was obligated to accept the gift card because it was christmas and it would be unfair if her barnes and noble card was useless i worked at a bookstore in high school and every winter we have a book drive and ask customers if they'd like to donate a children's book when they are checking out usually people say no sorry but one guy would not stop going on and on about how if he wanted to buy a book he'd just keep it not donate it so i replied okay you don't have to donate and proceeded to move on in the process and tell him his total and he just kept circling back to how ridiculous it was that i asked him to donate a four dollar book to kids in schools who couldn't afford them up until the moment he left he's the only person i ever thought was and butthole for not donating my nephew is a gymnast and he is very skilled i was at one of his compilations awards ceremonies to watch his receiver medal and saw a mother red face screaming from the crowd at me nephew saying he has won too many times you should be kicked out to give the other kids a chance she then went on to scream and sweat till she was escorted out by security i was later told by me nephew that her son came up to him not long after and apologized for his mum's behavior i feel bad for both of the boys especially the one with the psycho mother you know she's thrown enough fits for him to immediately apologize for her a guy with his kids inside a mcdonald's which was inside a walmart he brought his order back to the counter and asked the pregnant cashier who doesn't get paid enough to deal with this crap what he ordered his attitude started out calm enough but anybody who has worked food service long enough could tell he was going to be one of those customers that just blows up in a rage after they've made their point he explained that he had ordered a different sandwich and she replied that no he ordered what they had given him he was shouting and swearing a manager got involved and told him they would just give him the money back so he took his money back aggressively of course and said to his kids in a loud and self-righteous tone come on kids let's go to a real mcdonald's bro needed to get over himself this is exactly how i imagine mcds inside walmarts [Music] a longtime parishioner made a scene before the morning service when she spotted a family sitting in her pew as i noted some time ago she insisted that the family move or that she leave the church and take her substantial pledge with her to their credit the family newcomers to the church didn't move and the woman left in a huff much like a child having a tantrum ooh off wow substantial pledge that is some little holier than thou bs i answer nine one one calls one day we had a fatal car crash happen and had to reroute traffic from the main road down a side road then back up to the main road a woman who lives on the side road called nine one one asking why there was commercial traffic passing through her residentially zoned home i explained there was a serious car accident on the main route and that as soon as that was resolved the detour would be removed she continued to complain very angrily that the trucks going by her house were kicking up dust and pebbles into her driveway and demanded we send someone to clean it for her i said no we don't do that she demanded to speak to her supervisor i got all her information then i told her he'd be along to speak to her in person after he was finished informing the family of the person who died in the car accident that their family member was dead then i hung up the phone when the sergeant got there she refused to come to the door and refused to answer the phone when we called her back [Music] had a boss who took a trip to the college football championship game his tickets were like 1 500 each when he got back we asked him how his trip went in a high-pitched wine he said everything sucked because his nachos were cold an old boss of mine couldn't open his kitkat wrapper and so he headbutted a wall in anger my mother is currently angry as frick at my wife and i for following her advice and getting a dog to help with my anxiety why is she angry because we got a big lab why is this idiotic because she wanted us to get a tiny lap dog even though her dog hates anything that's of its size or smaller dog is doing wonders for my anxiety mother not so much who's the stupidest person you've ever met and what story perfectly sums up their stupidity an old co-worker named james we worked at mcdonald's and were both 16 one time while mopping the lobby he for some unknown reason decided to chase a number of customers around with the mop yelling i'm gonna get you he was fired on the spot my brother and i were in the kitchen one day as teenagers my brother was filling the sink to wash dishes when the sink was nearly full he went to turn the tap off but it wouldn't budge so the water kept flowing i tried turning it too but with no success this is when the panic set in the level of the water was rising fast and we didn't want to flood the kitchen he took big sauce pins out of the press to fill with water to keep things from overflowing while i was in a frantic scramble under the sink trying to find the mains to turn it off there i couldn't find it now really panicking i took over the pot filling duty and my brother went running off to look for dad as quick as he could dad came running in with my brother while we were shouting at him about looking for the manes dad just came over to the sink and pulled the plug out of the hole letting all the water down the drain haha there is a children's book with that exact story only there was one little boy whose parents had gone out i had it when i was little and i remember the picture of the whole kitchen being filled with all the cups and pans and bowls the little boy could find i've told this story before but i like telling it because frick tammy i had a boss named tammy one night we were all working late doing stock take and we were discussing the impending lunar eclipse but someone asked what happens during an eclipse tammy grandly explained that the eclipse would occur when america went in front of the moon blocking our australia's view of it like she literally thought the earth stretched itself into like a u-bend or neck pillow shape and half of it stayed in our normal orbit and the other half stretched itself over and around to casually block the moon for the rest of the earth i don't have enough processing power to imagine what her conception of our universe and its laws are my roommate for the last three years once said that if solar technology keeps advancing at the rate it is we will absorb all the energy made by the sun and fix global warming not five minutes later after attempting to inform this poor fellow about how the sun's energy output is not determined by what the energy eventually interacts with he states that wind farms are worse because they cause tropical storms i hope he is just an epic troll i just i don't know had a guy in a third year undergrad developmental psych course raise his hand in a full lecture hall and ask the professor prof do infants diagnosed with sids get asthma later in life like are they more likely to get asthma sid stands for sudden infant death syndrome he just kept pursuing the question the prof didn't understand how she could answer it she thought there was some kind of logic in it that she wasn't seeing finally some girl took the initiative to shout across the room no they are not more likely to get asthma they are dead they have died suddenly and will thus not be at risk of developing asthma great day he always sat in front of me and i would see him writing just absolutely horrible poetry and song lyrics prof do infants diagnosed with sids get asthma later in life this is dumber than symptomless coma [Music] i am half korean going to high school in the midwest during the 1992 riots my typing teacher pulled me into the hallway and asked if i had an uncle or something i can call inlet to make the riot stop she said she knew that we are all close and we all have stores and whatnot therefore i must have a connection there i was like lady even if i did have an uncle i could call do you think he is batman our biggest argument was over whether the correct phrase is egg yoke or egg yolk [Music] my high school classmate whose name is nick we were in chemistry doing a lab practical which required the use of a bulb pipette a glass pipette with a removable bulb that you squeeze nick didn't know how to use the pipette so he put it to his mouth to suck up sulfuric acid it got about three quarters of the way up before our teacher screamed nick stop that right now to be fair that's how they used to do it before we had those plastic bulbs why do the crossings beep for blind people but blind people can't drive my cousin all through public school she was a snob who looked down on everyone she was super stylish and struggled academically we graduated in 2014 we both went to colleges not the same one she got a job at a bar stayed out late drinking her boyfriend told her she didn't need to complete college so she just stopped showing up didn't drop just stopped showing up completely flunked out here comes the mega stupidity our families live hours away from her college at the time her family went to move her back home my cousin's mom noticed a pile of clothes in the corner the mom said what's that your laundry pack it and we'll wash it when we get home later my cousin i kid you not you can wash those turns out she'd been throwing away clothes instead of washing them she claimed she didn't know she could yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch she's now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility she still tries to throw clothes away citing that she didn't know they could be washed and reused makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college before she left home she wore some of the same outfits repeatedly she had to have known they could be washed when she lived at home she had a special regenerating basket she would place her dirty clothes in there and then after a few days they would appear clean and back in the drawer folded nicely the problem was she forgot to bring the magic basket to school with her when i was in the navy there was a cook on my ship he once served rare chicken i genuinely couldn't tell whether he was trying to cover up his limitless incompetence or if he genuinely believed that rare poultry is a real thing he was dumb enough to believe it another time he just filled a pan with ground beef and called it meatloaf another time he was supposed to make sugar cookies you know several hundred of them for the whole crew he didn't bother to read the label on the container he opened and apparently he didn't taste the batter at any point and he actually made salt cookers he used up all the remaining salt in the pantry and we had unseasoned food for the remaining several weeks of the mission during which time the captain assigned someone to be the cook's bodyguard season the food with the cookers a girl my dad dated for a while even while dating her my dad would say she was dumber than a bag of rocks one day she sat down to watch a movie with my dad movie was all about this guy and his twin brother she sits and watches the whole thing no interruptions at the end she turns and asks so there were two of him would explain why she always had the tv turned to a music channel apparently she couldn't follow normal tv or movies there was a troubled kid i went to high school with he struggled with school but had friends but was starting to do drugs and go down a bad way he decided to photocopy the front and back side of a 20 bill cut it out of normal paper and glue the two halves with elmer's glue but what's even more sad is that to test his new money he went to the gas station and bought some gum and it actually worked so in his mind it must have meant that it was foolproof so he then tried to go and deposit the glued up money at an actual bank he was obviously found out and arrested i don't know where he is now but i'm assuming he is making similar life choices had a next-door neighbor who robbed a howard johnson's at the top of our street at gunpoint wearing a ski mask took the money took off the mask and was walking home two blocks down said street when cops pulled him over and found the mask the gun and the money he was wasted and asked them would it help if i said i'm sorry got a couple years in rikers island came out broke into a local apartment house stole some money and jewelry got stuck out on a fire escape when the ladder wouldn't go down and he had closed the window behind him couple more years that's two stories i guess there's a few more but you get the picture he did leave me a box of cassettes when he went up one time among them the allman brothers live at the fillmore i became a lifelong fan so thanks unnamed next door failed robber he was actually a really nice guy and like a young ray liotta handsome just dumb as a brick i know a guy smokes a lot of weed and is fairly overweight he had been trying to find work but was having trouble finding a job since everything he was interested in drug tested he told my boyfriend that he had a plan that might help him pass a drug test since we'd supposedly get stored in your fat cells he proposed that he should just eat even more than he normally does so he can gain weight that way the fat that he gained would replace the weed fat boom problem solved she ashamedly told us her co-workers how she drew hummed her boyfriend and thought she was pregnant they were wearing clothes she wasn't pregnant she also thought the great depression was in the 60s and along with the end of world war ii in the 60s she's a nurse now don't know if the stupidest but pretty stupid we were on a drive through an animal park we see an animal she asks what kind of meat would that one bee someone replies oh it would probably taste similar to beef i'd imagine a few minutes later we see a different animal she asks and what about that one will it be like a fillet or a t-bone or something then i realized this woman thinks different cuts of meat come from different animals once at a restaurant in new orleans my friend ordered macaroni and cheese at the table with about 15 other people he says out loud how did macaroni and cheese become a thing to which i replied what do you mean he says i mean it's so redundant you know i say what how is macaroni and cheese redundant and he says think about it you've got cheese and then you have pasta which is made of cheese he thought all pasta was made of cheese my freshman year roommates dropped a class because he wanted to play his playstation more it put him below the minimum credit threshold for his scholarships and his parents owed forty thousand dollars he was smart enough to get scholarships yet done to make that decision nice my mother rolled down the car window to clean it from inside the car right after the car wash started i worked on a hay press for about a month most guys had high school education one particular guy was telling me about a girl he was talking to on tinder or some various dating chat app when he said that she was in new york and that he wanted to go visit her i told him that that's pretty cool and new york will be quite the change from our little town he then asked me how close new york was we were in washington state he had no idea new york was over 2 000 miles away the amount of times some european tourists has casually talked about driving to uluru from sydney is mind-boggling it's like driving from south carolina to nebraska only imagine there's a huge frick-off desert in between where if you're your car breaks down you're really freaked when i was a teenager my friend's older brother was one of the dumbest i'd ever encountered we once witnessed him trying to see inside a motorcycle gas tank using a bic lighter he assured us a lighter flame isn't hot enough to ignite gasoline on another occasion we got into a debate concerning the power of an atomic bomb he was dead set that it could only take out like two houses max this man went on to have multiple arrests before i moved away also fathered three children by two women we all lived in a trailer court as well not saying it's a prerequisite for idiocy but some of us get out and some do not guy i went high school with was at a party and asked the homeowner if he could have her tattoo kit she obviously said no he left and came back an hour later with a ski mask on demanding for the tattoo kit was arrested the next day can't make up that kind of stupidity hey it's me rober i once had a property manager person in charge of the rental i lived in since homeowners who lived out of state who did a bunch of obnoxious things my husband and i thought she was greedy and maybe getting money for herself and hiding it from the homeowners for repairs or something like that because of shady seeming things she would do when we had repairs then we mentioned something about gardening she said you know i've always wanted to try growing tomatoes and just watering them with salt water that way the tomatoes would already be salted when you ate them huge reminder to never attribute to malice what is just pure old-fashioned being dumb as a rock knew a guy in high school who i'm 99 sure only passed because he cheated like crazy and got tons of people to do his work for him in grade 11 he was taking some kind of politics course and was writing some kind of essay on american politics we're from canada i agreed to edit his essay and it was the most insane thing i ever had to edit there were multiple sentences that i couldn't understand until i asked him directly he ended his essay with the phrase just like jesus would have wanted i don't think he was christian and spelled condoleezza rice as congolese rice my 24 year old cousin she legitimately thought that my sister being a vegetarian meant that she could not eat animal crackers if your cousin were four instead of 24 this would be pretty charming i quit my job after telling off a four-year-old for shaking his cup at me what's the dumbest thing that has set you off at work i was a lifeguard for an upper t condo association when i was in college every day i had to deal with this typically rich spoiled entitled brat of a 12 year old boy the last straw occurred during finals i had had very little sleep my car was freaking up and i had two tough tests that day that drained me even further i was sitting in my chair watching the pool and the brat walked up to me carrying my keys with a pair of bbq tongs hey i found your keys now my keys were attached to a metal two fingers tequila rectangle thingy so not thinking things through i open my hand and he drops the keys into them it took about two seconds before i realized they were red hot the little sucker had let them sit in the hot coals of the grill for a while before picking them up with the tongs and bringing them to me the smirk on his face was begging me to throttle him i came very very close to knocking the crap out of him but at least had the clarity to know what would happen if i did i closed the pool and went to the condo association office to let them know i would not work if this kid was allowed in the pool from then on i was fired on the spot [ __ ] have filed a police report [Music] my girlfriend worked at a grocery store in the produce section for a few years she was stocking the bananas and a customer came up to her grabbed a bunch of bananas held it up and said rather sharply these bananas are green to which she clapped her hands and said very good got fired i am the only male worker in my workforce in retail it was a very busy busy day and the store was moving and i had to keep on top of things i get this very annoyed woman coming up to me yelling at me to hurry when i asked how her day was she had returned a crapload of things our return policy is we can only give money back in the form it was paid for i told her i just couldn't give her cash back i am a pune and not a manger so i could not override the system to give cash back she kept saying she wanted cash back and nothing else i explained to her our whole return policy without ever losing my temper she then demands to see my manager who is female my manager says the exact same thing i said the woman was like oh okay i understand so then my manager was giving her money back on her card she paid with then the woman was like that's what you get for hiring unintelligent men i had been there nine months my boss suddenly stopped doing the transaction cancelled it and said have a nice day the woman was like what about my money my boss was like too bad this man was doing everything right now get out of my store what a boss i am a manager and had a guy refuse to talk to me because i am female and he didn't want a woman assisting him i told him he could sit his butt in the lobby until a man showed up which was a few days later then all my male co-workers refused to help him i've gotten something similar i am a male employee at hallmark and we sell vera bradley so men and women come in and are like you're a guy you don't know anything about vera bradley grab me one of the girls b i have the entire vera bradley catalog memorized i'm an asian guy working in the electronics department of a retail store one day some kids 13-14 year olds walked by me and said hey what's up jackie chan i told them to go frick themselves and that they were white cracker pieces of crap they ran and told their parents who then reported it to my manager luckily the manager just laughed at the situation and told me to carry on good move by your manager i wouldn't fire jackie chan either he could frick crap up he'd use an lcd tv as a weapon or something so i used to work full-time for an electronics retailer spoiler alert it was best buy where i sold tvs i honestly didn't mind most people even when customers would get p off i would find myself just kind of smiling inside that how seriously people take such little things the one thing that did pee me off was when a guy came in with his own janky butt tube tv from the early 90s in a cart he demanded that he test out various antennas that we sold because the last one didn't work a guy who worked for me and also happened to be a pretty good friend politely and patiently explained to the man that what he needed was a digital converter box he even took one out of the packaging and set it up for the crazy bastard this whole while the butthole with the tv was calling my co-worker an idiot telling him that he didn't know what he was talking about and demanding that he set up just the antenna that's all i need see my buddy was being a good sport about it chuckling a little bit and repeating himself but when i overheard that freaking mouth breather calling my co-worker an idiot i flipped crap i didn't do anything too crazy but i walked up to the pair of them and kicked the guy out of the store which i had no real authority to do it was very satisfying though i feel that associates should hold the small butthole kakaotari authority my friend was a kindergarten teacher until she called one of her students a bee after the kid squirted a bunch of glue in her face and then threw glitter we had an old lady pay for four cans of coke then grab five and try to leave she then refused to open her handbag and return it because we charge too much one dollar and fifty cents per cold can now we're a small business and we regularly lose hundreds of dollars every year to theft of these cans alone my boss six plus firmly takes her by the arm and walks her around the block bottle shop next door two dollars and twenty cents for a can fish and chip shop across the road two dollars and fifty cents cafe next to that two dollars and fifty cents news agency next to us to the to the students to the taste to the taste to the taste to the taste to the taste of this to the to this to this to the to the store to the taste to the toast to the toast to the toaster to this to the toaster to this to the stove to the toaster to the toaster she never did come back much love op i had a table of six all gouch bags basically treated me like a douche the whole time acted like highly entitled american teenagers same sad story but then they tried to dine and dash on me in a formal life i was an all-state linebacker and i can bird dog like a mother sucker so after running a 4.40 in full waiter gear i catch them in the parking lot guy says what do something and pushes me so i boxed his freaking ears hard really hard as much as i hated this guy don't do this to people it fricking dropped him anyway cops get called he agreed to not press charges for my hurting his ears in exchange for the restaurant not pressing charges for the third degree sharp lifting and the cops made him pay the tab of course i got stiffed on the tip but it was still the most awesome violent win of my life i got fired but i am still friends with my former manager from this instance i bet you cure the son of a bee of that little habit i was working at a candeen at my local football club when some guy bought a hot dog with a five dollar note when i brought him his change he looked at me and said he gave me a 20. he had done this before at a busier time and i hadn't noticed till after so i was certain this time i refused to give him the extra change and he threatened me i was around 14 and none of the other butthole customers did anything my manager then made me give him the extra money never have i been more p of at work frick that crap used to work at starbucks and if the till came up short i'd have to make up the difference out of my own pocket would have laid it into my manager if that happened i just did my last day at a certain pharmacy chain recently well it happens that my first customer starts my shift out screaming at me about mayo now we always try to order things but since my store was low budget the destroy center always gave us the shaft on ad items we couldn't substitute anything for this item either my hands were tied i explained all of this to her and told her that a store very close by had the mayo this set her off it was my fault gas was five dollars a gallon three point three five really that i probably pee of the distro people since i was such and butthole and she wanted to talk to the manager i was the manager on duty and told her this while still being incredibly courteous about it at this point she goes no frick you i want to talk to your manager again this was my last day so the heck with it i hand her the 1800 number card for customer service and tell her to talk to them she snatches it out of my hand and goes i am gonna get you fired i am gonna get what i want from this company one way or another at this point i just lost it and said you do that go ahead maybe they'll tickle your bum a little too if you ask nicely and walked off i come back to the counter after i know the woman has left the cashier that had only been there three days was witness to all of this and was in tears laughing so i had a little freddie moment too i worked at an oil field company for about a year and a half i started off with no experience in the oil field no experience on operating and fixing heavy machinery no experience pulling goose necks through downtown traffic and also no experience driving 18 wheelers i moved up very quickly for someone who had no experience i hunted for a raise and a position upgrade because i had the records to prove i was worth it and the people i worked with wanting me moved up as well so the position i had could be available one week after my boss told me this position was mine and to enjoy the new salary benefits company truck etc the boss comes in and calls a meeting he hired his brother on the spot that day some 20 year old kid who smokes that legal crap so much his brain is fried also the kid has no experience here and was introducing him to everyone two weeks after i got my new position one week after the seer hired his brother the headsear promoted his brother up about five levels as far as promotions go guess whose job you took my new job please tell me you went ape crap was working at a pizza s and i was 18 worst day of my life up to that point busy bus school day busy bus friday night dinner rush found out that day parents were getting divorced all i wanted to do was stay in the corner doing bushes all night and not be bothered it was fine i was content angry but content finally one of the shift leads who had started the same time as me it was only prometed the week before came up and asked me to wash the silverware i said sure and went off to find the certain tray we used to wash the silverware and find it up front full of clean silverware that the wait staff had not yet wrapped yet so i said frick it and went back to doing my dishes about 20 minutes later shift lead girl comes back and said i thought i told you to wash the silver where i responded i saw they hadn't wrapped the clean ones yet she then said the last thing i wanted anyone to say to me you have to do what i tell you i'm a manager i lost it frick you frick this job i don't need this crap i've been here over a goddamn freaking year and you don't think i know how to wash god damn silver where frick this threw down my shirt and walked out the entire store heard me when i got out back my buddy who had just gotten off the clock and knew i was on my last nerve started cheering after he had realized i was walking out best feeling ever up vote for pizza yes ex-bartender here was working an extremely busy saturday night solo when i generally have a second guy helping me out on the weekend but hole had called in sick after staying out too late people are coming up to my bar non-stop we had two different ones and the other one was far less busy with extra bartenders just because it was the cool one i'm barely managing to keep up when some guy shoulders his way through the crowd and slaps the bar i'm in the middle of mixing a drink and ignore him as i work on it and then he has the balls to snap at me no really this sucker snapped at me i glared at him from behind the bottle i was pouring from and he says bro i need six mojitos five minutes ago get on it or i'm not leaving you anything i snapped reaching to the side i grabbed the wet bucket that held the mint and flung it all over him i followed this by grabbing the bottle of rum and shaking it all over his face while simultaneously spraying him with club soda from the soda gun i got fired wh shows a magito now b i had broken my toe and was up all night doing sound for a local promoter and then had to go work at food world some old ancient guy in my line is bitching because it is taking me too long to check him out even though i'm pretty quick and most of his stuff was canned which i just slide across real fast not sure what he was griping at so one of the cans rolled back as i was trying to go faster so he'd shut up in double scans he gets mad and throws a can of cabbage a big can on the conveyor it bounces off and lands right on my broken foot i picked up a cabbage and hit him with it and walked out i knew i was going to be fired for that but the crap hurt i was about 17 or so at the time i too am a server i have dozens of similar stories but one in particular sticks out super busy sunday morning breakfast rush i barely have time to bring people their food let alone anything else father of two girls comes in girls are about eight and ten father asks me to remove all preset silverware coffee cups sugar salt pepper etc from the table because he doesn't want his kids messing with it and breaking it i move everything two tables over to a vacant table this guy yells at me tells me i need to bring it back to the kitchen done since when can you not control your 8 and 10 year olds if you can't take them out in public and have them not break crap you've got bigger problems than coffee cups buddy i left his butt sit there forever i put his food ticket and last i generally made it take as long as humanly possible for this guy to get his food when i dropped it off at his table he had the nerve to ask me for silverware and condiments so he could eat wtf i worked at a toys r us in the past few months i'm not there anymore and on a day where i was helping move a bunch of boxes off of one shelf and onto another a group of drum kits and small electronic pianos which included moving different price tags around a woman came in and stood around the section i was in before zeroing in on a drum kit i was kneeling down in front of having just taken it down from the very top shelf i had gathered up the price tags in my fist at that point and so set them down on the box before helping this woman kind of a mistake after asking how she was doing this woman bent down to the price tags that i had momentarily placed on top of the box i was just carrying saw the 24.99 price tag designated for the piano kits placed at the very top of the pile and used her almighty powers of reason and logic to deduce that tag of all tags determined the cost of the 100 100 100 100 100 one high explained to her that that's not how it worked that the drum kit was actually not the price of a small electronic piano that the tags weren't even affixed to where they would need to be in order for us to have made a mistake in the first place and she absolutely lost her crap she started yelling at me about how when i was younger i did things competently and knew how to price things right and how if a price tag is sitting on a product on the floor clearly in the process of being moved around however loose and unattached it may be it automatically it automatically it automatically it automatic i refuse to get mad at her and instead ask her what she would like me to do for her she says she wants me to hand in my uniform and learn how to deal with people i ask her to stay still and i call the store director to come deal with her when he gets there she starts yelling at him with everything she's got from do you know who i am today i'm going to report you to head office and he just stands there and smiles and nods serenely the karma he was the mata she got after repeatedly denying her demands to walk away with the drum kit for free the lady just gave up and left director comes to me and gives me a high five for not blowing up in her face the place had its problems hence my quitting but that was a cool boss moment it's true the calmer a person is especially in customer service the more irate the other person usually becomes it's glorious i had this guy go off on me and call me an idiot because the cafe i worked at was out of half and half it was a starbucks-like setting so i had to just sit there and listen to this butthole it turns out we had just ran out and the manager was at the local supermarket buying some more this guy went on for like five minutes while the line got longer so i eventually told to go get his coffee elsewhere that we weren't interested in his business and that he was being a pain in the butt i didn't get fired my manager actually backed me up but i got a corporate right up blah blah blah my friend was complaining that i was taking too long to pick him up to go to school because i had to go get gas which he never gives me money for even though i take him to and from school he asked me with a serious face why did you need to get gas to which ikarmi replied that my car was on ian since it doesn't run off of the power of friendship i had to put gas in it then i cussed him out and called his girlfriend a w hope you're not a doormat anymore i don't mind giving the occasional friend a ride but if it's going to be a long-term thing they need to pony up for it especially if they're going to be butt hats like that working in event planning solidifies how any kind of celebration can bring out the worst in people but on this particular day everything seemed to drag on go wrong you name it it happened it didn't help that i went to bed at 4am right before my shift was over i received a phone call from a lady requesting the following saturday in a crime laden part of the city for the record we have had equipment damaged there plus we take the safety of our employees very seriously unfortunately we are sold out for that but all of a sudden she begins screaming at me you just don't want to come out here well she was right i couldn't get a word in edgewise over her yelling nor could i understand her and yes i should have hung up but i held out hope that i could still salvage the call so i cut her off and tried sounding as professional as possible to recommend another company until you just don't want to deal with blacks mom i explained that the date is sold out we cannot manufacture equipment we don't have i have the name of another comp i'm calling the news on you i was done then fricking do i t and i slammed down the phone i was shaking from the anger my eyes were bugged out i remember planting myself in my chair and staring at the phone secretly daring the bee to call back i couldn't believe what i had just done slamming down the phone is the thing i miss most about non-mobile telephones as a preschool teacher i had a rather large woman i'm small standing over me in my face yelling at me because i told her daughter she wasn't a real princess she could pretend to be anything she was making the other girls cry that is the moment i decided preschoolers parents are nuts and i'm getting out hint age doesn't make the parents better funny you should ask as i got set off today i'll try to be brief a mentally handicapped guy came in today and was somehow ruder than any of the customers we've helped in the past year easily we were both really kind when helping him but he stayed on the phone through an earpiece while we tried to help him yelling at the person he was on the phone with every time we tried to answer his questions he got upset when we couldn't offer him one of our services because of some fine print in a commercial he had seen and he began to get belligerent with one of my younger co-workers i turned his attention towards me instead and he tried to pull the same thing he started going on and on about how we were asking stupid questions and then focused on how stupid we were using as many relevant insults as possible i took half a dozen of them in stride and gave him my sincerest apologies but he kept going being more and more condescending to being a big guy six feet four inches 280 lbs i stood up abruptly from my workstation and advanced a few steps towards him he immediately stepped back and started mumbling about how he wasn't a fighter and didn't want any trouble i peacefully stood my ground and assured him that there would be no trouble as long as he left right away i feel absolutely terrible that i had to intimidate someone with special needs though that female co-worker told me she had felt scared with some of the things he had said and i wouldn't have tolerated that kind of behavior from anyone handicapped or not tl dr i snapped on a mentally handicapped customer for getting belligerent with me and a younger co-worker as a guy who takes care of mentally handicapped people for a living i can attest that some mr people are the biggest buttholes on the planet mainly the autistic ones a lot of people spend so much time feeling bad for them just because they are special needs that it makes the situation worse because they never see any consequences for their actions it was this christmas eve that just passed was working a seven-hour shift with another two hours of and paid overtime as well i work at a pizza place and was uncut for those who haven't worked at busy pizza places the cutter never moves from his place if i lose cut then the ovens back up and everything goes to crap i am a good cutter and a lower member of the store's management we have a three-tear dudden and all ovens pumping out pizza then this middle-aged man comes in he walks through and past the thick of customers waiting to place or pick up their orders and just stands there staring at me now our servers are smart they will ignore men like him and do their job properly and serve people in order thank god we have good stuff anyhow he stands there and keeps staring trying to get my eye contact it just ticks me right off here we are busy as all frick working christmas freaking eve no public holiday pay and paid over time and this prick is leaning over the counter being an impatient bitter lonely old man i turn around speaking clearly and loudly over the dinghy mate how can i help you and he replies what do you think you are a major in the army with his nasty little pommy accent i am just like what the frick in the my head he then proceeds to have a go at me so i just turn around and start cutting pizzas again after a few orders i stop again turn around and ask him which name he's waiting for he says steve and i turn around and pick up the order i had just cut with his name on it he then complains i mutilated it says i've been rude to him and asks for someone else to serve him he also said i am not your mate i just stop dead turn around and walk out of the kitchen i was about to either quit or beat the crap out of this sea in the meantime with no one on cut so it backs up slightly i yell for a maker to hop on cousin marshall runs to the front to cut he's faster than me but not as neat so this middle-aged prick stand there and realizes i am actually a good cutter and his pizzas are cut perfectly i get my head again walk over and say as you can see things are a little busy so i am going to have to serve take his money give him his change and have a good night mate i then walk over and pick up a ringing phone and all i hear is manual pizzas are so crap go frick you and your pizzas frick you see i hang the phone up walk outside and started laying into the industrial skip bin broke my hand came inside and finished my shift eight hours later tl dr they went my career as a hand model when i was like 12 or so i once shook my glass at a waitress as she was clearing plates i smiled when she took my glass but when i got it back full of soda i was confused i just wanted her to take it with the dishes so she didn't have to make two trips years later i learned how rude that was and i had one of those oh god why moments i used to work for a sell cable company in face-to-face sales and customer service sometimes if someone was signing up for a bunch of services it could take 10-15 minutes if the network decided to be slow that day it could take 30 or more minutes i understood people's frustration of waiting in line but it was still a thankless job one time this lady came while i was working alone and started freaking out after waiting maybe five minutes she caused a huge scene demanded to speak to the manager blah blah blah stomp stomp stump anyone who's ever worked retail knows this routine i calmly told her to relax and that she would get the same service the people in front of her were getting when it was her turn she never relaxed so she waits probably 25 minutes gets to the front of line says finally and slaps her bill on the counter she's in the wrong store i say you can't pay that here she looks like she's about to explode on me i explained to her that my company's theme is red and that everything around her is red the whole store is red while her company's theme is blue everything blue any canadian will know how stupid you would have to be to mix this up anyway she claims that her company directed her to my store's address and wants me to call their customer service to get an explanation i say i don't think they did and i'm not going to do that she begins to protest but then decides to just scurry out instead i quit eventually the company didn't treat employees any better than customers treated employees getting it at both ends no thanks i once had a customer that wouldn't tell me what item he needed several times at a boating store only for him to get p at me for not helping him under pressure i just held up my hands and yelled dude i don't know what the frick you want you wouldn't tell me so i didn't help you now get the frick out of my store he stared at me blankly and said well crap then left i hate when people expect to be waited on at every store imaginable my sister was a waiter at a chili's for almost two years she had been feeling for a while like it was time to quit given how stressed she was all the time i don't know how anyone can do that job one sunday night a group of churchgoers came in from evening services and they sat them in her section the group told her at the very beginning of the meal we just want you to know that we won't be tipping you this evening because wait for it we don't believe in people working on sundays my sister was taken aback and to her credit for the most part kept her cool she did reply well i wouldn't have to work on sundays if there weren't so many people coming in after church she went and told her manager who stuck up for her and told the family we had chilis don't believe in our waitress is working for free and so i will be serving you this evening she quit shortly afterward i went off on this woman for putting packages of meat on the floor ain't my job to raise you right during a morning show radio shift my co-host and i were called up and berated by some angry dude who didn't like the music we were playing this boiled my blood for no reason when it was time for the sports report our sports guy started talking about nascar and i cut him off man who cares what those rednecks are doing it's just left turn after left turn if it weren't for the fatalities it wouldn't even be a sport the tirade went on for way too long and surely pee a lot of people off but no one called the studio probably in fear of getting verbally sodomized on the air not one of my greatest moments on the radio i used to work at a movie theater and was always getting into arguments with people i don't remember the situation but i do remember that someone started fussing and i snapped at them realizing i might have gone overboard i apologized they however continued bitching it was then i decided i'd had enough and said you know what i'm actually not sorry and you need to leave sure enough they left another night i was assaulted by a customer manager had provoked her she punched a sign at him and it hit me instead i was super irritated already and these redneck teenagers came in they started antagonizing me a little bit until i smarted off at them the leader called me a dong and then i about lost it internally externally i kept my composure and told him that they needed to leave because i wasn't going to deal with that harassment and if they didn't leave i would get the security guards involved they left i have so many more stories like this should have just spilled a drink on em i've done it a few times i worked at a chili's for about three weeks before i snapped and quit one day after a mom yelled at me for not putting ketchup on her fattest bratz burger the kid was about 12 and there was a bottle of ketchup literally three inches from his fat little hand he was a little crap the whole time i was taking his order his mom was a sea his dad was a spineless a shat i kindly told the kid the ketchup was on the table after he demanded i take the plate back to the kitchen his mother yelled that i should put it on her son's burger for him and that i wasn't getting a tip yada yada i just walked off and told someone i don't even remember who that i was taking my tips and going i'm so glad i don't have to deal with children now we have a regular drive-through customer at my job he expects us to know his order so he always orders the his name and wife's name special it's got to be some sort of social and psychological thing with him to make him feel special since he's the only person who does it i didn't know what it was and when i apologized and told him he freaked the frick out i don't remember a lot since i fell into this sort of apathetic state but i do definitely remember the words i don't mean to be in but but i'm having a bad day i have no idea my manager really did this but i guess he was warned to not do that again or we would refuse service to him a month later my co-worker was dealing with him and said she was new didn't know his order and asked politely if he could please tell her he replied with this paint if i must about a week after that he was acting as sweet as pie and after he ordered he told me hey can you do me a favor can you have a great day i bit my tongue because i like my job a swipe i don't give a crap if you're rich we aren't your servants your useless business coupons aren't going to frost over the fact that your slimy douchebag i can't help but wonder if he treats his wife and kids like that this will probably get buried but anyways working as a cashier in a busy supermarket served a customer as normal except while i was scanning he decided to put a 20 on the conveyor belt which i moved i hadn't finished scanning and that stuff just goes underneath it his wife picked up the 20 when i moved it which i didn't see finished scanning totals just under 50 bucks wife hands me a 50 so i give her her three or so dollars of change next thing the husband is saying no i gave you a 20 you've taken my 20 i said no you paid with a 50. this is your change he loses his crap at me saying i've got his 20 there is no way he would say that if he wasn't sure it was true his wife says she took the 20 but he insists he had two one of which he had and one that i did so my supervisors come along take my till and count it and it balances whole time i'm arguing with this guy getting angrier and angrier because he is basically accusing me of theft he repeats the same stuff over and over and even bets one thousand dollars that he is right he finally leaves after my supervisors get his number promising to check the cameras week later i ask about checking the cameras this guy did not have two twenties and i did not ever have one of them his wife took it they rang to inform him of this and he said oh okay and hung up no apology nothing luckily i haven't seen him in the store since [Music] everything if it weren't for my lack of a degree i'd have quit in a grand fashion months ago working the stock room at a store like sonoma williams restoration hardware pottery barn is like working in a crap house there isn't a single semblance of organization so it's taken something as small as not being able to find a rug because our last one was sold a week ago but somehow the database was never updated which happens thrice weekly to make me wish i could quit tech supports for the internet i was really burned out but the last call i took was with a guy whose problems were his motherboard battery this old guy knew that he needed a new battery he expected me to write a script so that he wouldn't have to enter date information at startup again he wasn't going to let me go until i did and i couldn't hang up on him 45 minutes into the call and 30 late for my break i started into a freaky butthole lecture that over a thousand callers deserved tech support for the internet would definitely burn you out i worked the redemption counter of a family fun center chuck e cheese david buster's etc and the little shoots would constantly demand my attention while i was helping another one i'd have five kids screaming they want such and such it was worse when the parents would start in on it also i work laser tag now so i deal with the parents more than the kids in terms of who i talk to more some of the adults don't understand how a list works they sign up last they get on the bottom of the list bring in a big group and at the bottom of the list sure i'll let the group of two kids in that signed up after you but only because i can fit them in with the group of seven and eight that signed up before you i have to hold back from punching some of these dumb shoots the kids at laser tag pee me off so much they can get their vest on just fine but when they take them off they just bring them over their heads and drop them because they don't care 500 pieces of equipment that they just drop i've got four that are having issues i am not fire yet but i will be soon because i am almost at the level of not giving a freak i know that feel i worked at a laser tag joint for nearly five years the horrors the horrors i worked at a beach club in the snack bar making salads and sandwiches for the people who went there i was making a sandwich for a lady during the three-hour long lunch rush she asked for tomato so i casually took two tomato slices and put them on her sandwich only to hear her say those slices aren't round enough i proceeded to pick up two handfuls of slices and say find me some round ones god i wanted to punch her [Music] my best friend walked out on a job and left me stranded because someone ate his lunch the thing that pisses me off the most is that it sounds like that little sucker was trained to do what he did maybe mommy allows him to do that at home though not necessarily to her i can appreciate that much of the tirade you went into was directed at the mum rather than just at the boy however much of what you said probably went right over his head i work with three and four-year-olds trust me when i say that he likely wasn't able to understand much beyond the initial comment that waiters don't like it when you shake your cup at them edit i forgot kudos to you for standing up to the little tyrant i work in restaurant and a few years back i had this be of a co-worker who would just attempt to make my life a living heck from the second i walked in the door we did not see eye to eye but most days i could tolerate her just fine one day i was stressed from some issues with my family when a couple of my regulars come in she had gotten them as i wasn't there when they sat down and i went to say hi when i came in they asked me why i hadn't waited on them and i said next time you come in just ask for me and i'll take care of you we chat for a bit and i walk back into the kitchen feeling pretty good about myself for about two seconds until my manager yells in a crappy sarcastic voice great idea telling someone else's table specifically to request you i lost my crap i knew it was that girl and the manager was on her side solely because he didn't want another employee complaint i yell down the server aisle well you can tell her to go frick herself the entire server isle stops and stares at me the grill line my buddies who hate this girl about equally and had heard everything bursts out into laughter and this idiot manager just stares at me he drops what he's plating in the window and pulls me into the office immediately i'm sent home with a slap on the wrist and long story short it was completely worth it kind of serious but my dad almost dying of an aneurysm made me re-evaluate my life situation last year and it was a big reason i quit my job little upset about letting emotion make that ruling now though haven't been able to land employment since and living with my parents again cool that i get to spend time with my dad after almost losing him feeling super guilty and super lame for having to depend on him and my mom for financial support never quit the first gig until you've got the next one i was 18 and working for a large movie theater as a concessionist this by far is the worst position to hold but all of the newbies start there and attempt to work their way up to better positions it was a very slow mid-week morning shift and i'm the only one working the stands we had four registers and stations for customers to line up i was clearly standing at my register when this mom and daughter teen walk up to the concession stand at an empty register it's clearly on the opposite end that i am standing no big deal i figured they were just looking at the sign with the prices and options i'm not doing anything else but standing at my freaking register waiting for them to decide what they want a few moments later the mom snaps her fingers at me and says hello in the most condescending tone i have ever heard i walk all the way to end of the stand to her and she begins berating me for making her way to order i attempted to explain that i was standing at my register and that i cannot take her order on another empty register i also explained that it is fairly common for people to browse the sign and then come to me and order once they know what they want which is what i thought they were doing she begins to call me an idiot and incompetent and demand to speak to a manager i call my manager over and then begin to start making her order she is still waiting for my manager and still standing at the wrong god dang register when i hand her and her bra their food at the register they were standing at she then proceeds to curse at me and call me an idiot because you just said you couldn't help us at this register serious rage i then explained to her that i was trying to make her happy by serving her where she stood all the while having to walk all the way to my own register and back for her at that point my manager comes up and starts to talk to her and i can hear her call me a [ __ ] and an idiot all the while her stupid daughter is chiming in too i was in tears at this point and another man whom i assume saw the whole thing go down walks right up to my manager and says mom i saw the whole thing these idiots came up to an empty register and your employee asked them if they needed help and they ignored her until they realized how stupid they were for standing at the wrong register they called her names and this poor girl still tried to help them out the whole time being considerate and sweet if i were you i would tell them to spoo and get out they looked stunned and my manager told them to take their business elsewhere and then the guy came up to me and hugged me and told me to never take crap from any c game lol while working at walgreens this old fat woman came to the counter and rudely asked for a pack of cigarettes so i asked for her it just to be a douche and she yelled at me and left and i just sat there freaking smiling what nice things did we used to have until they got ruined by idiots i used to work at tim hortons and we were located right beside a homeless shelter so every night we would take all the food that was still fresh and give it to charity it wasn't a lot usually like a box or timbits and about a dozen doughnuts until one day the regional manager came and shut the whole thing down he didn't tell us why only to never do it again or we will be fired we never questioned it and just held the resentment of tim hortons in our hearts like how cheap do you have to be that you would rather have us throw away consumable food a few months later a homeless man came in right as we were throwing food in a garbage bag he goes oh it's such a pity i used to love eating your guys doughnuts until that freaking idiot had to ruin it my co-worker said yeah that's honestly fricked up corporation greed you know the homeless man gave us a weird look he goes nah that's not what happened one of the [ __ ] heads at the shelter faced choking on a timbit and tired to sue this store that's why they cut us off i went to college in nyc and my school's dining halls used to do this to eliminate food waste and cast down on food insecurity in the area but then someone claimed the food made them sick and tried to sue so that was the end of that my parents old apartment had this little dog park our greyhound loved it because she could go run every morning they closed it because people wouldn't pick up their dog's poop they would just leave piles of crap despite management sending letters out i'm still salty about that one don't get a dog if you can't pick up their messes very dumb and minor but i think it goes to show how selfish people can be a few years ago a guy on twitter shared his starbucks card information and told people to put it on their phones the idea was to have a shared community card thing get a drink if you wanted to ordinate to it so others could get a drink you would think that people would just grab free drinks but it actually had a surplus of donations versus people actually using it i think the card ended up with like 200 at some point anyway some butthole comes along and locks the card account effectively shutting it down he said he did it because he wanted to prove how ineffective sharing was or something dumb like that you always have that one guy who sees other people enjoying something and feels the need to disrupt it i'm going to prove that people are horrible by being horrible i used to be able to walk into an airport book a flight walk to the gate and get on the plane i have flown from sfo where i live to lax where my sister lives countless times in just that fashion and not to mention you used to be able to meet people at the gate as they arrived or go in with them and have a meal before seeing them off security took about 30 seconds to get through drones all it takes is a few idiots doing stupid illegal crap like spying on people and legislators jump at the chance to restrict them to be fair the government used drones for spying first [Music] we used to keep our church doors open 24 stroke 7 but then vandals wrecked that so we locked up at night then we left it open during the days on saturdays and vandals wrecked that so now we keep the place locked up except almost exclusively during banking hours and sunday's mornings my church was having a halloween plus saints of the world event and the doors were open kids had booths where they told the story about their sun or whatever and in another part of the lobby there were free snacks and stuff with a donation box next to it somebody stole all the donation money college books my dad spent dollar sign 50 per semester and my great uncle spent dollar sign twenty i've spent five hundred dollars i know inflation bumps up the price every few years but jesus have the buttholes in the industry been freaking us over a lot of books can be found through torrents but don't pirate them i would never tell you to do that just sharing general information surprisingly not wikipedia it just seems like one of those things where vandalism should have won over the wish to have a public well-sighted crowdsourced and relying on contributors knowledge base i'm very happy about this burning man used to be a really cool inclusive mini society now it's just a bunch of people with way too much money isolating themselves from other people in the desert by buying out huge plots of land and excluding others from their clubhouses which is a stark contrast from what burning man was freaking supposed to be in the first place i think this happened with festivals in general very materialistic and look how much fun it looks like i'm having on social media [Music] our parents had a small summer cabin on a quiet wooded lake the water was pristine and ideal for fishing and swimming the air smelled of fresh pine then it caught on and the lake became overtaxed and ruined with power boats polluted with gasoline oil and junk tossed into the water tires mattresses washing machines solvents etc now the fish are gone the water stinks and the pine trees have been cut down playground equipment the rolly slides tita totters the merry-go-rounds and there was even a park i used to play in as a kid that had an old retired train car we could go in the rolly slides apparently pinched too many fingers the teeter-totters were too hard to get off of and the merry-go-rounds were spun too fast as for the train i'm pretty sure there were people shooting up drugs and or homeless people sleeping in it plus graffiti now it's gated often no fun for anyone i miss merry-go-rounds there used to be one at a local park it was my favorite as a kid yes older kids would spin it too fast and the little ones would go flying la mayo but damn it we liked it that way a sense of community in your neighborhood as a kid second grade grade-ish i used to walk over to my friends and went play in each other's backyards we learned how to bike together would explore the woods between yards play with the older middle schoolers a lot of paranoia kinder ended that the dc sniper shooting fear of kidnappers it all kinda hit at once well that and cicada season after that summer people around here kinda kept to themselves more this does still exist in places just move to a neighborhood from the country and my son is basically reliving my childhood in the 80s it makes me so happy movie theaters etiquette is absolutely dead my once greatest joy is dead to me because people are inconsiderate buttholes who feel they can act like they're at home and ruin it for others i've incorporated a projector and a screen into my man cave and never looked back [Music] ebay used to be this amazing multi-national garage sale filled to the brim with people selling their used stuff then people started filling it with garbage no brand products and drop shipping it to the winning bidders then came the people that started using it as a storefront and charging full retail value for nib items but now ebay is nothing more than resellers that find it more affordable than developing an actual web store leaving me scratching my head wondering why people don't just order it from amazon for twenty dollars less or walk to a big box store and buy it for the same price without shipping nor a weight i've permanently checking the use button and the search results have been far better but there's still people that keep the original box and try to sell it in like new condition for full retail a smooth experience at the airport used to be able to walk through a simple metal detector and that was it empty your pockets and you're good want to meet your family at the gate that's fine want to walk your loved one to the plane that's fine too now we basically have body cavity searches and have to deal with rude agents who hate their jobs and would rather be anywhere else in the world it sucks don't forget the theft and the fact that they continually fail to find the crap they are supposed to during tests hitchhiking when my parents were growing up in the 60s and 70s it was normal here in the middle of a city to grab a ride from a stranger you might not have known someone went around murdering people they picked up and all of a sudden it became illegal to hitchhike minor auto accidents fender benders when people shrugged exchanged insurance info and got the damage fixed now too many people call a personal injury attorney and try to get all the money they deserve for injuries that don't amount to anything plus the insurance companies just total everything because of rampant auto body fraud youtube used to be about uploading amateur videos old-school youtubers put out quality content as well now it's all corporate with companies promoting their stuff and majority of the content being crap those fun rock hiding groups on facebook in the beginning you'd paint a rock and hide it for someone to find there were so many fun designs sometimes you'd find a rock from way out of state it was thrilling in its own sweet little way and then people started imposing new rules on the group you can't hide rocks with glitter or stickers or googly eyes because it might make a squirrel want to swallow one they'd jump down the throat of anyone who posted to the group with a glittery rock you were not allowed to hide a rock in a business because someone might think it was solicitation suddenly all the fun animal themed rocks hidden around the zoo were against the rules and heaven help you if you got caught middle-aged women can be mean fights began to break out over designs claiming they they were stolen from someone else but the entire thing turned into a cesspool of he said she said and are gigna and people doing their rocks wrong now the groups only consist of a few people who beg others to hide rocks because they don't know why the magic is gone this sounds just like playing some new game in elementary school it's fun for several weeks and then new people who come ruin the game and you have to come up with a new one there used to be an annual free garage sale near me people would bring in boxes of things to donate volunteers would set them out on tables and everyone could take what they wanted then a couple of people pretended to be volunteers and loaded the boxes of donations directly into their own cars a lot was also stolen from the church that hosted the event including the stool from their organ they no longer have a free garage sale i belong to a small local 24-hour gym they used to have small white towels hand-sized that you could use while you worked out there was a laundry basket you could throw them in as you were leaving there weren't great quality in fact they were rather rough from being washed every day but they were nice to wipe down your treadmill wipe your face etc last month i enter the gym and there's a sign stating that they're no longer stocking the towels because people are stealing them wtf why would anyone steal these small scratchy towels it's probably the gym rats who forget to put them in the basket and now have a huge collection in their trucks pisses me off inhalers my bestie who had asthma used to be able to get inhalers without going through the counter when he was a kid and he needed a desperately now they quit selling them over the counter and you need a prescription because druggy got a drug i imagine a lot of different kinds of medicines ended up this way vh1 they used to have great shows like behind the music pop-up video and classic albums plus they made some really good original movies as well then literally overnight they turned into e but only stupider if that's even possible we used to have a small state park where i live it was a little hole in the ground in the middle of farm country there was a waterfall tons of crazy rock formations and climbing walls as well as rare plants and trees as far as the eye can see it was beautiful then stoners and hippies took over the place spray painted on all of the rock formations and moved any rocks and boulders that could be to spell a big four-stroke 20 in the places gazing field baggies and cans litter the waterfall to the point where the entire waterfall looks like a fountain of trash you can't step two feet in any direction without seeing a can bottle pipe or needle it's really sad the last time i went my friends and i left in tears it was devastating i don't know if the park is still there or if anyone around there is android it but i know the arteries subreddit is doing a stoner initiative to clean up smoke spots maybe posting in there where it is separate or throwaway account someone could go and tidy it up a bit back in 90s in turkey when you were drunk and thought you couldn't make it back home you'd call 155 police hotline and tell them who you were and your whereabouts they had to send a cop to pick you up from where you were and give you a lift to your home so you wouldn't dui or get robbed or whatever isomists came in power and ruined everything for the rest of the country similarly my dad tells me stories about how when he was my age he flagged a policeman down when he was staggering home drunk and they drive him to the top of the hill near his house it was a pain to turn around any further so he'd get home safe his buddies did the same everyone knew the cops and the cops knew them this was a small town in the us in the early 70s try to do that now pensions retirement and having a career with a company for more than 10 years stupid boomers greedy corporate buttholes and crappy government ruined all that for everyone in australia there are were a series of giant inland lakes in the desert collectively known as 90 lakes beautiful natural diverse ecosystems fun people activities and genuinely wondrous then the australian government sold farm up river to water intensive overseas cotton farms and didn't restrict their water use the river started flowing in reverse mindy lakes almost never fill anymore cotton and rice farming should never have happened in australia and it is criminal how it has been allowed to happen affordable health care insurance i now pay 700 after tax monthly premium for a third tier health care plan that i try my best not to use due to the cost co-payments and i am very concerned about what the coverage will cost in 2019. don't forget the six thousand dollar deductible wine tasting it used to be that if you were planning a nice dinner or picking up wine for holiday meals or for whatever reason you would go to the winery and they would suggest pairings for you you would taste a few samples and then buy the bottle s you wanted or you would politely tell them you are going to try a different winery the word got out that wine tasting is free and every [ __ ] who wanted to get drunk for free showed up nowadays every winery in california charges for tastings and instead of having a nice experience you have to fight yuppies in their dates bachelorette parties screaming and wooing etc for space at the bar i had a very different experience when visiting in-laws in germany the winemakers were very quick to open any bottle i was interested in and pour a very generous tasting glass i know nothing about wine and all the bottles were gifts and he knew that but he was still adamant that he wanted me to taste his wine it was almost a pride for him fandoms used to be there could be big fandoms without fights and ships were just for fun and no one trying to harass people into making them cannon i don't care if my ship doesn't become cannon i will freaking ship it anyways [Music] people used to read the articles and be informed now i feel like people skip to the comments to get the gist of what was actually written said so whoever invented the comments section ruined reading a lot of articles are crap to read now though a lot of fluff added just to increase average time a user spends on the site the comfort of knowing that your children were safe from polio and smallpox and measles because people vaccinated their kids because of course people vaccinated their kids because done decades of science brought low by a play by playmate give it a minute to let that really sink in being a kid time was you could roam around your neighborhood ride your bike to a nearby park explore the woods behind your house or whatever on a typical summer day you'll get kicked out of your house and told to come home when the street lights came on you had freedom to roam and explore and create and play and yes to get beat up by bullies and chased by stray dogs and maybe fall down and cut yourself but you were free to explore and learn and figure crap out on your own and it was awesome now we have the norm at least in the us that children ought to be under adult supervision every minute of every day we take them from one supervised activity to the next handing them off like some kind of nuclear code briefcase parents are afraid to leave their kid in the car while they run into the store for a few minutes because someone might call the police on them and they can and have been charged with a crime this is ludicrous to me all things being equal it's one thing to leave your kid sat in the car reading a book or playing a game on his tablet when weather is a concern that could be neglect or abuse if it's too hot for instance but if it's in the shade and it's a cool 65 f out and you're just picking up grandma's prescription real quick i just don't understand i don't get helicopter parenting and how it came to be the norm to the point parents can be charged with actual crimes for doing nothing more than letting their kid alone for a few minutes it's just baffling to me my hometown turned a recently vacant bus depot into a street art center the walls were open to be painted on you could do events there and it was open normal park hours dusk till dawn usually within the first months or so of being open it was covered with all sorts of art then towards the end of the summer during the first year some kids beat the security guard with their skateboards been closed since as far as i know i moved away a few years ago facebook i'm not saying it was amazing but it was so different my freshman year of college it was fun to upload photos and connect with people you met in class etc now there are a ton of middle-aged people with their political opinions on both sides and acting like they're better than everyone who is mourning mac miller while you're crying over this celebrity i'm thinking of the three veterans who commit suicide every day repost to show you care just really sick of all of my aunts and uncles on facebook with their stupid opinions eta obviously i can unfreeze those people and i have i'm just saying the whole vibe of the site is different maybe it's just me getting old but i'll take first day of school pictures over politics and buy my mlm crap any day driving now there's too many dang people on the road most of whom do not need to be licensed to drive that cannot use common sense move along follow traffic and understand that they are not the only vehicle trying to get somewhere no one drives in new york city there's too much traffic read it people are stupid and they are still stupid on reddit i still see so much of that old pat yourselves on the back don't we know better than the pros attitude here like the average user is some educated techie as if this is 2006 and read it is some underground site acting like the user base is anything more than a hive of idiots is ridiculous at this point reddit is currently the 15th most trafficked site in the world that's incredible mainstream popularity and it brings in everyone people who use this site on smart or interesting or unusual for doing it if they ever were getting advice from reddit doubt its value it probably comes from someone stupid how about redid's opinions likely to be a rational group think with a healthy dose of corporate foreign astronomy speaking of the strata thing the profit influence potential of a website is popular as immense and everyone knows it redid got so upset about not being able to monetize their popularity as well as they wanted that they pushed a terrible redesign exclusively to pack the site full of ads and banned various controversial groups to sanitize the site for advertisers they're turning this site into facebook with messaging profiles and everything solely to pander to those users and bring in advertising dollars and the sad part is it's going to work because that's been proven to be extremely lucrative and because the new radit is populated by average users who live for that format this site is near ruined when i first became aware of it 11 years ago it was small discussion was good most of the users were there to escape from the burgeoning popular sites which were full of the mass-marketed drivel that now pervades reddit because it has now itself been engulfed by the facebook machine we're going to need a new alternative for a few years before the exact same thing happens as it always does to something small but interesting that gets popular and attracts the attention of interest groups and average internet users and nbsp to be fair this complaint basically goes for the entire internet you're right your comment has enlightened me and i now assume based on this lesson that you're an idiot too as a young professional i am still getting used to dealing with clients but today took the cake in terms of idiocy what's your worst funniest strangest client story a former divorce lawyer here a client had a change of heart and decided not to go through with the divorce and instead dismiss the petition and stay married this was promptly followed up with claims of not being required to pay since i didn't get the divorce as originally planned even though i spent about eight months on the case and nasty voicemails accusing me of trying to break up the marriage in the first place you should have changed your job title on the invoice from divorce lawyer to marriage counselor client i wanted that bag tag blue me um do you happen to know the pms color of the blue you're talking about client no it's a bag tag have you ever seen a bag tag before i thought you worked in the golf industry you should know what bag tag blue looks like background bag tags for golf bags can be any color in the rainbow what do you mean the seven kilobytes logo i sent won't work for the poster i'm asking you to print can you use a nicer font i don't know which one i want just something better i'm looking at a terracotta roof across from my office right now i wanted that color exactly this one goes way back i'm an old timer but a c's machine with 3.5 inches disc has a 5.25 inches disc folds it twice quarters it and shoves it in breaks drive wonders why it didn't work b takes box of 3.5 inches disks and puts the label over the sliding door that opens in each disk shoves it in drive luckily doesn't break drive wonders why it didn't work c goes to machine with 3.5 inches disc has 5.25 inches disc puts it into a slot between the drive and the case hum that didn't work goes and gets another disc hum that didn't work does it until entire case is plugged and things start melting d spills coke on disk lets it dry puts it into a mac one of the early ones rex drive goes to next mac rex drive goes to next mac rex 4 max in 10 minutes puts disk in a drawer we fix macs wondering what happened they come back someone else finds disk rex 2 max before we stop them looker disk workout story unbelievable if i wasn't directly involved i wouldn't believe it animation notes producer frame 35 the creature looks gay make animation less gay vfx notes producer please make the parallax more blue i'll take ways to tell if your producer is on drugs for 300 alex first job out of college was a graphic design position i sent one of our bigger clients approved for the brochure they wanted i get a phone call from the client client something is wrong with this proof you sent me me what's the problem client well the first page is fine but the next few are um i pull up the file and see that everything's as it should be client i mean these are nice pictures and all but man you didn't need to send them to me me what client well there's all this smut me what client oh jesus here's one of a girl with giant cans me i did not send you that client this gal is just laying their spread eagle me client really those aren't from me client oh god now i'm looking at a clambake you really shouldn't have sent me these turns out he was using windows picture viewer whatever it was called in windows xp and was somehow skimming through his cached images took a while to convince him they weren't from me i would be crapping myself in your position on the phone paranoid that i had actually just sent a load of p instead of proofs i do inside sales for an i.t consulting company i had a client that ordered a docking station and keyboard through us he called me and asked why he couldn't get anything to come up on the screen probably because he didn't order a freaking computer my job is to help people who have had their driver's license suspended i either restore it if i am able or tell them what fines need to be paid etc this girl comes in to get restored from a dui drunk off her butt the smell of alcohol on her was overwhelming i informed her that she couldn't get unsuspended because she hadn't completed her court-ordered alcohol education classes yet she proceeds to go up a [ __ ] on me half crying half screaming about house and the police are conspiring against her when she stood up to flounce out of my office there was a huge dark stain on the front back of her sweatpants and a puddle on the floor chair she had pee herself without realizing it or maybe on purpose to get back at me but it really seemed like she didn't notice my office had to be sanitized by the janitor and the chair had to be thrown away she was just asserting her dominance a new employee at higher rank and pay than me brought me a paper document and asked me if i could make an electronic version of it so she could email it to someone after looking at it it was obviously recently printed on crisp paper when i asked her where she got the printout she said she printed it from her computer i had no idea how to respond we both worked in i.t that one is truly stunning my boss gave a client a company car to drive and two days later he asked me to call her and remind her to return it by the weekend so i called her up reminded her and she said she'd have it back on saturday saturday rolls around she doesn't return it sunday no show i called and left her a message that she did not return long story short i called and left eight or nine messages over the next three freaking weeks asking her to return our car finally she calls me back minnie you this is mrs doe you need to come here right now and pick up your car i have workman coming and the car is in their way clearly we have inconvenienced her by allowing her to park our car in an inconvenient spot and she is upset wtf i replied annoyed but professional mrs do i'm afraid i can't make it there now can you please bring the car here since you live two miles away she is now even more upset no i have things to do you need to pick up your car now i told her i won't be available to pick it up until 11 30. if that's a problem then you can bring the car here she screams i have workmen coming i'm paying them ally and the car is in their way so it turns out the reason she kept our car so long as she had decided that instead of returning the car to us she would go on vacation instead while on vacation she drained the battery to the point where even a battery pack couldn't jump start the car i called a tow truck and then she calls again after running errands and returning home this car is still in my driveway yes mom i replied we weren't able to jumpstart it a tow truck is on the way unacceptable get this car now seriously she was a very wealthy woman who was very much unaccustomed to not getting her way the fact that she had demanded this car be gone and it wasn't magically made so not only upset her but offended her mom i called out oh insurance and they called three local tow companies the earliest available tow truck will be there by five o'clock her final demand was for me to call every local tow truck company in the area while she listened to make sure i did and see if any could be there faster that was the point where i told her if the job i'm doing isn't adequate she needs to contact my boss and hung up it upsets me that our company feels they have to figuratively suck a client strong to get their business i always feel the quality of the work should speak for itself unfortunately this is not the way the world works still pisses me off though [Music] a client of ours sent out an email to our team which basically resulted in us completely having to redo his tax return one of the managers on the account replied to our team about how this client always procrastinated and was a real brash [ __ ] too bad she sent reply all including our client the minutes immediately following her reply were tense the partner on the account was panicking and she was in tears for her mistake lucky her the client responded with haha yeah i can be a real butthole sometimes and found it hilarious i once sent an email to my boss telling him about a proposal and saying that the potential client clearly has no idea what's going on my boss forwarded the email to the guy asking if he could clarify we did not hear back hello i'm you in 15 years the avalanche of bulls that clients have spewed my way is massive it's astonishing really i don't fold people for it it's just human nature plus the more you specialize the more myopic your worldview becomes almost as if you dump some information in favor of other anyway the best one involved a director-level executive from the massive worldwide retailer stopping my presentation and in a rather [ __ ] way pointing out a flaw in my taxonomy i'm a uxia professional in front of 20 people in a board room with another 40 listening in from various locations she asked if i had made a mistake when i categorized a portion of the content shouldn't south africa be up a level you know so it's equal to north america and europe but no mom south africa is a country on the continent of africa i've posted this before but it's one of my favorite stories i was speaking with a customer that had a rather significant cable bill going over his account i found that the bill was largely the result of adult on-demand orders naturally because almost no one will admit to watching porno the customer claims he never purchased any of the on-demand orders so i pulled a full report on the on-demand orders from his cable box the full report tells us what was ordered when it was ordered how long it was watched how many fast forwards rewinds pauses plays and stops a hit and when the order was removed from the cable box i imagine this info was used for lots of metrics but when dealing with customers it gives us an easy way to confirm or deny if a customer fat fingered the order and accidentally ordered something the general rule was that if something was watched for less than five minutes without a bunch of ffs or rewinds they were probably telling the truth anyways full details show that the poorness were watched for an average of 20 minutes with plenty of fast forwards and rewinds still in denial the customer then asks when the movies were ordered i give him the approximately 1.5 month span that the movies were ordered he then claims that it's impossible as he was out of town during that time and the only other resident of the household was with him since i'm such a nice fella i continued to give the benefit of the doubt and asked him to double check the serial number on his cable box it would have required about four layers of fuck-ups but it's possible that the cable box at his house isn't the one on his account and someone else managed to get the box that's in his name at a different house naturally these layers of fuck-ups didn't happen in the serial numbers match at this point i explained that the only way someone could have ordered those movies is by being in the man's house the customer pauses for a moment then says well when i got home i found the back door open i'm speechless for a few seconds this man is suggesting that someone broke into his house repeatedly for more than a month for the express purpose of watching movies both pornographic and otherwise i then give the only advice i can think of sir you need to burn everything someone broke into your house and watched over 1 300 worth of pornography there is no surface in your house that i would trust tldr fire is the great purifier as a fellow graphic designer i hope you will laugh with me over the following can you make it pop more add a red border to the text so it stands out i changed the file extension from dart jpg to data so you have the vector version now can you make the picture show the other side of the object i don't like it can you make it more you know and as a finale getting sent 32 kilobytes files for print make it pop make it jump out of the screen oof it never really stops either i work a lot with a non-profit good cause sweet staff i support them completely and love working with them but every so often i want to strangle all of them with one long extension cord last year i designed an html newsletter for them just cleaning up the info they wanted to send making it more readable and adding some photos design elements for emphasis interest at the bottom of the email was a table of maybe 20 names with titles institutions identifying the people i slotted every name into the table but some of the names were longer than others some titles were longer some had institute names etc so the visual balance of the names in the table was a bit wonky who cares right it's a dang newsletter it had time sensitive information the names were just there to fill up space i swear this non-profit did at least 12 revisions to that stupid list of names and in the process delayed their time sensitive newsletter over 10 days their email list was already pretty tiny less than 2 000 active addresses if you know anything about newsletters you know that they have fantastically low open rates so basically this non-profit paid for 12 revisions and delayed their newsletter for 10 days so 100 people could enjoy the perfectly balanced list of names i was in a spec meeting for some banner ads for a large telecommunications company the creative guys were giving their concept to the other side of the table when one of the older gentleman stops and says so the banner will only animate for less than 10 seconds and the creative guy says yes and starts to go into an explanation about catching the user's eye or some bs and the older gentleman puts up his hands and leans over to the guy to the right of him and asks did we pay for a 15 or 30 second spot everyone in the room fell silent for a second as we tried to process what he was saying meanwhile he continues because if we paid for a 15 second spot why should we only use 10 seconds since our company did all sorts of tv work as well one of the creative guys picked up on it and basically explained that banners don't work like tv the client literally thought that everyone coming to the web page would stop for 15 30 seconds and watch the banner we have clients all the time who want their banners to stay up on their page for 30 seconds at a time we try to explain to them that it's too long why not use a refresh but they have no idea what we are talking about no matter how hard we try to explain it we have a joke in the office that if a potential client gives us our aol email they are too old to understand what we need to tell them i feel your pain i once made a website for someone i changed the dang colors with him for at least four hours in the end after i told him the color scheme is crap he said to me i'm color blind and this looks good to me was doing some basic cad work for this old engineer basically he scribbled on paper and i transferred it to the computer via autocad one day we were having a little trouble and i suggested something on the computer to try keep in mind he knows nothing about computers well he proceeds to throw a hissy fit and state strongly how he does not pay me to think but rather do what he tells me well a few days later we were having a similar problem on the computer i knew the solution rather instantly however i kept my mouth shut for a few hours while he struggled finally i suggested a solution he asked why i didn't say so sooner i then reminded him in a pseudo-polite manner how he didn't pay me to think he immediately shut his mouth and then mumbled something quit working with that butthole yesterday after a year of his crap have many more stories like that i'm working on my engineering degree right now frick that guy must be a crap engineer not me but my dad he's a vet in the best client story he's told me is a lady bringing in a group of puppies to be checked out and get shots etc she claimed to have found them and thought they were very cute all would have been well except that they were no ordinary puppies they were coyote pups this woman found wild coyotes and brought them to my father thinking she was going to have some new puppies that needed shots so did she keep the coyotes or not [Music] i'm a funeral director i was working with a family where the next of kin was a woman with a slight touch of dementia just enough to make her not entirely lucid the children completed arrangements in the contract through the entirety of the arrangement conference we're aware that she's not quite sure why she's there it hasn't sunk and that her husband just died anyways we get around to the day of the service and it's family only for the first hour he's up at the front of the chapel dressed to the nines and the wife has hobbled her walker up to look at him she's in some distress finally connecting that this body is her husband haltingly she asks me to open the foot end of the casket so she can see his feet and confirm that it's him of course i oblige important fact i did not embalm dress or cosmetize this body so i lift open the foot end and immediately the daughter gasps those aren't his shoes why are there a stranger's shoes on dad cue total panic mode for the next five minutes so i do my best to smooth it over taking the shoes off and vowing to kill my embalmer later i figure i'm done but no mom wants to see his bear tootsies okay so i slip the sock down on the left foot then target off she is delighted to see the blackened dead flesh of necrotized toes she reaches a hand out to tenderly caress these toes and i'm barely holding down the gag reflex before myself and the daughter intervene i spend the next few minutes trying to slip the sock back on without accidentally breaking off his toes let's just say that when that family walked out our front doors i was beyond relieved we had a lady who wanted us to put her husband's wedding ring and dentures in right before the visitation the obama made the decision to glue the fingers together and the hands on top of each other and the teeth well you know how that is she was actually pretty understanding after the fd explained it but all the employees were sweating bullets i think you'll like these other edits our telus from tech support our tales from retail are tales from the pizza guy good stories i never knew about our tales from the pizza guy thanks for bringing it to my attention i'm editing a commercial for a charity concert right now and my client told me he had video to work with he sent me youtube clips 240p youtube clips a lady comes in with her laptop telling me that her cat slept on the keyboard and half the keys comes out with numbers instead of letters i showed her what numlock is she thanked me and left i work at a convenience store well that was convenient for her at least about three years ago i had a job at a small print shop as their graphic designer desktop publishing mostly occasional business card mostly just lame forms and such we got a job for a towing company they were triple a all american towing or something similar something with a lot of us so they'd be listed first in the phone book they wanted us to whip up something over the top patriotic american flags bald eagles all of it i do a quick little mock-up and send it off to them for a sign off on the proof they love it every single part of it except the bald eagle stock photo i used they said the eagle looked angry and not friendly at all my manager and i make a couple jokes mostly about it being a bird of prey not a bird of play etc in a minute of downtime i opened the project up and spent some time screwing around with the liquify tool basically made it look like the eagle was grinning it was ridiculous sent it over to the manager we had a couple laughs about a week later i get the revised proof back from the customer somehow we had sent them my joke happy eagle they love it run it business cards for everyone in the company envelopes letterhead invoice sheets and vehicle wraps for the trucks saw the trucks all over town for months and laughed my butt off every time oh please oh please post a pic user complained bitterly when informed we would be upgrading her with a mouse i'm an old professional didn't want a mouse didn't use a mouse don't bring her a mouse when we came to install the mouse and the software windows 3.1 if i recall she said fine i'll take the mouse just please please don't take my keyboard i have posted this before and people found it quite funny i was once hired as a web designer at a company that sells machine parts i was supposed to create and maintain their web page for them on my first day at the office i was seated at my desk which had no computer on it i was told that i was to draw the website on paper and after it was approved i would get a computer well paper prototyping does have value but it's still a weird situation i wonder how long you could have gone without a machine [Music] is it plugged in absolutely i checked it twice do the lights turned on no is it plugged in yes of course it's plugged in oh wait there is an error nda specific that means it is not receiving power check the plug again oh the lights turned on that was with one of our seasoned sales guys the trick is you don't ask people to check if it's plugged in because it implies that they're idiots you ask them to unplug it and plug it back in again [Music] this one's from someone i know he does a lot of one-off kiosk demo prototype applications in flash and one of the most annoying things he gets from clients is request to change the resolution or aspect ratio at the last minute it's so much of a problem that he now requires them to lock it in upfront in writing with multiple warnings that he won't change it for free later they still end up whining about it and wanting him to change it at the last minute every single time it's even better when they want resolutions or aspect ratios that clearly don't match the target displays i once had a client tell me to rewrite my report without using the word this he said it was too vague just as an experiment i want all of you to push control plus f and search for this just look at all of the instances of the word this on your current page and try to come up with an alternative word or phrase i dare you i freaking dare you find what this replace with not that presto i used to work in the appliance department of sears we had a woman calling who had recently purchased a stove the stove was having issues and she wanted us to send someone out it seems this particular stove was possessed we offered to send a repair man out we even offered to have our delivery team bring her another stove nope not good enough she wanted us to send out a priest who could preform an exorcism on a stove i probably would have bought costumes for the delivery team and sent them on their way [Music] i work in a bakery i've had a few good ones firstly bread that is made fresh and doesn't sell on that day we slice it and bag it up and then sell it the next day half price reduce wastages anyway in strolls a customer reads the little price sign we have and asks me what is yesterday's bread i was dumbfounded this one was just today we sell these little soft rolls with single fillings egg cheese ham etc anyway the price got put up by management just to see how it would do after a few weeks they decided to revert to the original price our prices fluctuate often so i'm used to customers questioning things going up but this one was brilliant anyone a customer comes in today and by some me that will be 99 pizza anything else him that they are one pound and 20 pence that's what i paid the other day me yes and i know but they have gone back down i can assure you that 99 p is the correct price him but that can't be we had to call our area manager so he could assure the customer he was mad that he was getting something cheaper than expected or mad because he thought he'd been ripped off previously who's the dumbest person you've ever met a girl in my school was using a calculator on a test and typed in the math problem in wrong she then proceeded to type syntax error as an answer leslie i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems andy dwyer back in high school a guy named kevin was arguing with me and anyone who would listen saying that stds are prevented by having sex after about a minute of explaining to him what std meant i decided to just say let's agree to disagree but he didn't let it go he pulled out a 50 bill from his wallet and bet me that he was right after he looked it up the crowd mentality forced him to pay up tl dr dumb high school student bet me 50 that stds are prevented by having sex and the legend of kevin continues stay classy kevin [Music] my psych class one girl asked his eye color a behavior not really stupid more wtf but she also said she wanted to have a pet baby not wanting a pet or a baby a pet baby human i knew a guy who shot up peanut oil to slow the flow of blood to his brain to keep him in a constant state of being high he's dead now not from the peanut oil drug overdose a few years later i know a guy who got a composite score of four on his a.c.t i know it sounds impossible i thought it was two but i was at his house when his mom got the mail with his score on there and i saw the piece of paper myself the guy who wound up wanting to fight me because i was explaining to him that calamari was italian for squid he insisted people do not ever ever eat squid the delightful conversation with a man who insisted all zebras in africa are extinct although i had just returned from there with photographic evidence from just two weeks before i had to explain to a girl that penguins were not fish i had to explain to another girl who i told this story to why the first girl was not correct i had to explain to my middle school science teacher that penguins were in fact birds not mammals that was a difficult class to deal with brothers girlfriend did you know poland was the only country not affected by world war ii hitler wasn't a bad guy they just gave him the wrong job i like cows they're cute and they have big eyes but i don't like horses they're big and they look like cows wine that comes in plastic is fancier than wine that comes in glass bottles because plastic has more technology as my brother is cooking her a filet mignon she looks at the steak in the pan for a minute before asking is that the whole fish but it's got technology in it a girl in my class believed that neanderthals ate ice and cheese bonus she didn't know eggs came from chickens she thought they were manufactured in a factory well they're made by chickens often mass produced in a factory i worked with this girl last summer who was beyond um at first it was amusing but then it just got really sad we were talking about nelson mandela being really sick this was in june and she said well i sure hope she'll be okay her music is so good she thought world war ii was between america and africa she thought potatoes could only grow in america and when asked what her boyfriend's name was she said i can't really pronounce it so i just call him mike he spells it like m-i-c-h-a-l i saw a guy try to plug a 3.5 millimeters headphone jack into a usb port once not accidentally or anything he actually spent a good minute working it out hey don't judge maybe he was real stoned almost forgot about my college roommate she once missed the first three exits to a city because she forgot where she was going she once told me she would never breastfeed her children because it would hurt too much to poke the holes when asked how she thought animals nursed their young she said well don't they just snore the ends off i imagined getting a nipple naught off i got dizzy with fair there was a girl in my high school who thought rhinos were the last remaining dinosaurs oh and she was shocked when she found out that rice came from plants smart girl that one i know a girl who genuinely believes that gorillas and giraffes are not real and the ones at the local zoo are just people in costumes [Music] we had to watch the movie defiance in my english class and afterwards this girl put her hand up and asked is jewish a country later on after after watching defiance which is about three jewish brothers in nazi-occupied europe for the second time she asked wait were they brothers i wanted to throw a stapler at her had a roommate who was about six months late on rent it's a ten month lease and we're in month eight they're threatening to sue us he got a tuition refund seven hundred dollars two months rent he goes to play poker with it despite our constant please not two doubles up he shows us the 1 400 because he's dumb like that this is saturday night office is closed sunday i go to work saturday night and then work a long shift sunday feeling good monday after classes he comes in first question did you pay the rent bumbling stumbling excuses i paid off some credit card balances and some other money i owed my parents so how much did you give the complex none blew my freaking lid almost punched him right then and there i will bet every penny to my name that he went back to the table sunday night and lost it all somehow he came up with the money though he came up with the money by owing his parent again had a classmate in eighth grade who legitimately thought that the ocean had no bottom our teacher showed a diagram of the deepness of the ocean and she just couldn't grasp it i don't know how you get all the way to eighth grade without learning that the ocean doesn't just drop off into nothing that's almost endearing this is seeing the world with the wonder of a small child i wished i could turn dumb wonder mode on and off a girl from high school physics if the speed of light is 310 circumflex 8 ms what is the speed of dark and later that year if china is 12 hours ahead of us why didn't they warn us about 9 11 i can't make this stuff up a girl in my 10th grade history class said i don't believe in europe because i haven't seen it also a different kid was asked to leave the class and he replied bn how is i supposed to learn if i leave the joy of public education well that kid had a point i have posted this before but in freshman biology class we were reviewing the subatomic particles and the teacher asked a girl to list them she responds with protons electrons and decepticons and could not figure out why the class was laughing at her done clearly the decepticons are not neutral looking over a test i took in college one of the girls in the class with me was amazed that i got an a she said that test was so hard i failed it i asked her if she studied at all she said no and she told me she was drunk when she took the test girl in my astronomy class so if i went out into space could i like push the stars around and knock them into each other and stuff teacher no they are incredible massive objects girl but they look so little i was around 8 10 or whatever the normal age is when you know your own address and i just made a new friend and she invited me over to her house to hang out i planned on dropping by after taking my things home so naturally i asked for her a dress she grabbed a paper and pencil and started drawing three houses she pointed to the middle house and said i live here tldr never talk to her again this girl at my school i don't swim a lot during the summer because i do not want to get water cancer you mean skin cancer from the sun number water cancer you can get cancer from the pool water help me this girl saw double cheeseburger on a restaurant menu and she got all excited thinking it meant double cheeseburger extra cheese she was confused when there was two patties in the burger that girl was me my boyfriend still laughs at me tl dr i like cheese a true double cheeseburger has both two patties and two slices of cheese this is the reason that mcdonald's serves both a double cheeseburger two patties two slices of cheese and a cheaper mick two patties one slice of cheese if you desire a single patty and two slices of cheese i'm not sure how to help you this girl at the age of 22 took an electric fan and threw it in a bathtub to clean it the apartment lit on fire she was surprised see fan death is real this isn't close to the stupidest thing she said but it's the only thing i can remember a girl at my high school admitted in class to pouring an entire jug of antifreeze on her windshield to melt the ice that butt though probably a girl from my high school history class two classic quotes of hers aware was the berlin wall sir and did hitler not like jews in 12th grade someone in my class asked where narnia was they were being 100 serious my old roommate's boyfriend he spent the better portion of dinner movies stating how food has too much preservatives in it anymore and that's why there are trees that have been petrified petrified trees because of preservatives in food also you can't eat buckyballs or any magnet in general because your body works off of electrical currents and if you ate a magnet it could disrupt them she was also pretty dumb spent an entire night sobbing about being pregnant gets an abortion and then makes a point to call out people on facebook for discussing the topic saying things like i could never do that to an unborn child every child is a gift when that whole brainless kid fiasco was happening on facebook a few years back i don't miss either of them a co-worker of my dads whom i've met a few times she was a middle-aged woman and she believed that there were huge black lines on the ground separating each of the states in the u.s you know how they show the state borders on political maps yeah she thought those were really there well the one between canada and the us is there and we all know canada is a state my ex-roommate's boyfriend he was 22 he actually idolized bieber one direction etc and did everything he could to be like them he was also homophobic probably gay because he often wore his girlfriend's clothes from forever 21 and refused to get a job because the band is totally gonna make it he also pushed his girlfriend down a set of stairs and was so in love with himself that he took mirror selfies posted them on his facebook then sent them to his facebook page that he made for himself absolutely the worst person i've ever met to make sure he didn't come to the house i actually convinced him that our building was built on an ancient indian burial ground and that strange things did happen from time to time he never came back i like how pushed her down the stairs is slid in there like he left dirty plates on the counter katy perry once shocked the whole foods market i manage she wouldn't let my cashy's hand touch her food the personal assistant proceeded to take my cashy spot insisting katie may get sick from worker contact that's pretty dumb one of my wife's girlfriends someone told her a riddle about a train traveling north at a certain speed dtc to which you replied oh you can't fool me because i know that north is up points to the sky a kid i knew in fifth grade stevie one day the teacher is walking throughout the classroom and his shoe gets stuck on some red sticky stuff he looks at it sees a short trail and follows it back to stevie's desk he looks inside stevie's desk and finds sticky red goo covering a piece of sticky red paper with good humor written on it yeah stevie brought a popsicle back from lunch and put it in his desk so that he could eat it later that's some good humor right there my college roommate was without a doubt the dumbest person i have ever met she was writing a paper about segregation could not grasp how separate but equal was a bad thing despite two people trying their damn dest to explain it to her after nearly half an hour my other roommate and i just gave up and left the room i still wonder how she passed that class and she once asked what the difference between legal and illegal was she wanted to know which was the bad one this girl now teaches elementary school her poor students a friend of mine back in sixth grade learned only natural born citizens can become president of the united states says she can't become president as she was a c-section baby yeah that's why she can't become president [Music] no one will ever see this on a thread the sold but i once worked with someone who asked me if they make air conditioners why don't they make air shampoo and was dead serious i once watched a girl at the gas station pump a ford focus for the diesel because it was the lowest price at the time when i was 19 i waited tables with a girl who didn't know how to tell time she was 18 fresh out of high school now she wasn't like mentally [ __ ] or anything she was just really really dumb she also went into the kitchen and asked the cooks how to roll a joint she explained that she had weed and paper but couldn't roll it our boss was right behind and had to have heard her the cooks told her to shut the frick up she did stuff like that all the time and she sat people at the wrong tables messed up orders and forgot her schedule and would be late miss shifts a lot anyway she had a scholarship to play volleyball at the university but dropped out of college after she failed the athlete's drug test about two months into her first semester i think she's in beauty school now so do you speak asian what the frick girl what the frick the worst part is she asked me that question twice that day this chick i used to work with here's a prime example i told her i was going to ethiopia and she replied oh my god europe is supposed to be beautiful this time of year i also told her i was from philly i now live in california and she asked what state is that in boston maybe she misheard and thought you said estonia the dumbass that's always looking at me through the wall of my bathroom mimicking everything thing i do he just looks like a bee you should fight him i have a friend who one day asked with complete sincerity who is this al qaeda guy and why is everyone so mad at him anyway a teacher i worked with as an assistant needed me to record my self-reading questions aloud for a listening test it took me almost five minutes of arguing to explain that screaming into the jack the mic plugs into wouldn't work some girl i randomly met in public who was fighting with her boyfriend and tried to drag me into it to back her up she kept insisting that there were 52 states because hawaii and alaska were the last two dummy but there are 49 states because pluto is not a planet anymore one girl in high school let's call her lisa honestly thought that gravity didn't exist and the reason why we didn't just float away was because of our weight took about 10 minutes to explain that gravity gave us our weight she then proceeded to ask if gravity could in her words break like a pencil after explaining this impossibility she finally stopped talking the very next day she confused newton with al gore no joke she was really nice though what is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth my neighbor was leaving for a funeral a close family member had committed suicide by hanging we talked for a bit i gave her my condolences then as she was leaving i said hang in there my ex-partner recently attempted to hang himself just a few weeks after the breakup i was heavily involved in getting him help in the following days and the amount of people that told me to hang and there was appalling probably more common than you would think lol i got off a red eye very sleep deprived and realized i forgot my glasses on the plane i asked the very kind gate agent if she could go check my seat to see if she could find them while she was gone i touched my face and felt my glasses i was mortified and apologized profusely when she returned she was really nice about it though to be fair you could have been talking about sunglasses or perhaps a spare pair of glasses was at the dentist and he has me clench my teeth to look at my bite he then says any pain to which i reply with no with my teeth still clenched he and the dental hygienist look at each other confused so i ask him to repeat what he said apparently he actually said open up so he literally just said open up and i said no wanted to shrivel up in a hole and die i was so embarrassed they thought it was hilarious though picturing this made me laugh so hard i couldn't breathe i kept trying to exhale and i couldn't thanks for that lol during my supermarket days somebody asked me where the toilets were i replied we don't sell toilets i still cringe my mom had an opposite experience when she asked a walmart or some other large chain store for the toilet and he directed her to the ones that were on display i was student teaching and discussing my weekend plans to visit my cousin one teacher said oh you're visiting your cousin i thought you said you were going to visit your boyfriend in an attempt to gloss over his mistake and communicate the sentiment of no worries i instead shrugged and for some reason said same thing y-e-e [ __ ] chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell i told him he should be at home resting it's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat what if he just laid down right in front of you what a power move what month is april in i hadn't slept in a couple days and was trying to figure out what the date was some of the funniest ones come from sleep deprivation high school quiz bowl basically team jeopardy nine letter word for said forcefully or excitedly me ejaculated it was exclaimed ejaculated has ten letters and while technically could have otherwise been correct for example the snape ejaculated slughorn meme that nuance was lost on a room full of high school kids ejaculate when i was doing a woman's taxes and asked her if she had any medical expenses for the year she said well i had to put my husband in a nursing home last year i said that's excellent big time deductions there then i looked up and saw the look on her face and it still took me another three or four seconds to realize why she looked so horrified i've never apologized so sincerely and completely in my life i had a really hard time forgiving myself for that one the important thing is that she got that deduction pulled up at hungry jack's drive-through ordered nuggets and a mcfluffy hysterical laughter over speaker marmitza mcflurry and this is hungry jax my teenagers still bring it up mcfarfee knew at mcdowell's while out for a walk i admired a cute dog i wanted to ask what breed it was but my brain wasn't working instead i asked what brand is your dog which startled the owner and myself my attempt at correcting myself resulted in me blurting out species which only made matters worse i was running once and saw a small flock of wild turkeys on a lawn i yelled turkeys turkeys at a family getting out of a car one house over they just stared oddly after i realized that there was a fence between the two properties and they had no idea why i was yelling at them i was giving a presentation about my club in high school and at the end i wanted to invite people to come visit us so i went to say stop by or say hi but instead i managed to tell about 100 high schoolers to stay high i didn't know why everyone laughed till my friend told me what i said later bing put i was a cashier about a year ago and i had to unlock the bathroom for people when they needed to go so anyways i unlocked the bathroom for this guy and he says thanks and i replied have a good one that's what i always said when people left after they bought something not when they are going to crap i hated that job i was a cashier at a convenience store and worked night shift we were required to greet people immediately when they came into the store i sometimes would greet people when they came out of the bathroom i felt like an idiot every time finally my time to tell this story i used to work at cvs and i was training to be a key holder which is to the manager assistant manager what a lietenant commander is to the captain exo on star trek so one day neither of the managers could come in so they sent this guy ryan over from another store and this was the first time i had ever met him now add cvs we have to wear those crappy blue polo shirts but ryan being management level could elect to wear an actual professional shirt instead of the blue polo we worked did our shifts and that was it maybe a week and a half later i head over to my friend's store and lo and behold ryan is working there on this day he elected to wear his blue cvs polo shirt we knew these shirts we all had these shirts this was his shirt the same way when you're in the army this is your rifle so i don't recognize ryan but i kind of recognize him and i'm staring at him for a couple of seconds and it starts to slowly click ryan i say and he confirms and that's when i realized what it was i had only seen him in a regular shirt i had never seen him with his blue cvs polo but what i said was oh it is you i said i didn't recognize you with your shirt on it was my birthday and it was getting cold outside so i announced to everyone that i was going inside to put on long sleeve pants she wears short shorts i wear long longs i'm a paper conservator by trade and when driving through the new forest uk recently to go hiking with friends i realized that a village we were passing through was once the site of some famously beautiful trees that had featured in a print i had conserved years before i didn't say that however what i instead proclaimed as we drove through the literal freaking new forest was guys did you know around here there were once trees watching the documentary the last dance when a kobe interview pops up me wow they must have filmed this before kobe died my wife yeah obviously reminds me of using my marine corps training i can turn anything into a weapon even this rifle when i explained to my dad that my boyfriend really liked bj's while they were both sitting there meeting each other for the first time bj's is a restaurant chain where i live same thing with a new at the time mom and pop restaurant in my hometown my parents asked what my plans were for the weekend and i said a boy was picking me up on friday for bj's and a movie it took them a moment to realize i meant dinner and a movie they just froze as if time stood still while they worked through what i had said i was discussing my husband's experience with a childhood urinary tract infection we're both medical so not that weird and i asked him are you circumcised my husband i was once at the doctor's for some infection down there and he asked whether my partner was circumcised and i had absolutely no idea after more than two years indefinitely having seen it many times that was a very long awkward pause i was on a business call at work the finance manager and i faced each other in our cubicles and the wall between us was low so that we could see each other we had a good working relationship and we laughed a lot one day as i was hanging up the phone from a vendor who had just agreed to make changes to everything i needed her to do i exclaimed thank you so much you are so bendable i hung up the phone he looks at me and he says you just called her bendable i said no i didn't i thanked her for being so flexible he burst out laughing and i said wait did i but this time he was laughing so hard i knew that i did two choices let it go or correct myself i couldn't let it go i called the woman back and apologized she asked me for what i said i was trying to thank you for being so flexible but i called you bendable and didn't realize until i hung up what i had actually said but my co-worker is sitting there looking at me laughing at me so i just had to call and make this right with you she responded with no worries i'm here laughing too this is awesome i bet that made her day i was 18 and worked at a dental office i pulled charts and kept the client waiting area clean it's the end of the day a man wearing sunglasses walks in with a black german shepherd and takes a seat i asked can i help you he says i'm just waiting for my wife maria i worked with her i said oh nice to meet you and i stick my hand out to shake his hand and he didn't do it immediately he said i'm not sure if you are trying to shake my hand or not but i mike and laughs a bit as he puts his out and i just grabbed it slightly confused but said i'm angie maria should be out soon all the patients are out so i'm just cleaning up there is a folded newspaper sitting in the seat next to him so i asked him did you want to check out today's newspaper while you wait or can i put it away he laughs and says nah you can take it not like i can read it anyway right i still didn't get it after i was putting away the magazines it hit me and i said out loud oh crap you really can't see can you dude was literally blind i'm a freaking idiot obviously that perfectly well-behaved german shepherd was his seeing-eye dog the sunglasses him not finding my hand him actually telling me he can't see the newspaper still didn't click with me luckily for me he is a really great guy and found my mistake as innocent and hilarious as it actually was but from then on whenever he came in the office he'd take the bus completely blind he's so independent being so naive i just didn't know he could be that independent it would make my day we became good friends i'm still friends with some of the people who worked at that dental office so i've gotten to see him a few times over the years and every time i sneak up behind him and whisper to him you really can't see can you and he goes angie how the heck are you girl give me a hug every time lol but seriously how dense can be it sometimes amazes me a blind guy asked me and my friend if we could help him to the nearest phone booth once and my friend just pointed it out to him and didn't realize until i gave the dude my arm what she had done lol a couple of months ago i got up and drove to work as usual later my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car i told her i wasn't sure but she could grab my spare key and go check in my car which i had driven to work haha i feel you that would be the kind of things i'd say a bit lunatic a probably the time i was on my honeymoon in hawaii when i asked my new husband why there wasn't a bridge to hawaii me i mean if there can be a bridge to alaska why can't there be a bridge to hawaii a husband there's not a bridge to alaska though me then how do people drive there husband canada canada is the bridge still just about to die of embarrassment every time i think about that one i blame a lifetime of the maps that show ak and high completely out of scale and in weird positions relative to the contiguous us i was like 18 on 19 and still thought the term rabid dog was rabbit dog and i said that out loud in a car with my friends i still remember the exact location we were driving by when it came out of my mouth because i felt so stupid in my head i was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume what i said out loud however was how much does a pound of water weigh but steel is heavier than feathers when the cashier said have a nice day and i replied with no thanks background i wasn't thinking straight that day and thought they said do you want a bag my first job was the concession stand at a movie theater after ringing people up i would end with enjoy the show it was so ingrained in me due to saying it hundreds of times a week that i would sometimes say it whenever someone gave me change when i was the shopper at a store i remember being so embarrassed i look back and get a chuckle out of it now though when i was a kid i would play the yellow card game where you punch someone when you see a yellow car while on the road me being 10 i escalated it to anything that was yellow in and out of the car carrying groceries and i proceeded to smack my dad and proclaimed yellow orange juice stupid and possibly legally actionable i attended a meeting at my old company and i turned out to be the only man there the woman giving the presentation was having trouble connecting her computer to the big screen so i pulled out my adapter and helped her get all set she said you're pretty handy to have a round and i intending to convey nothing but my nerdiness started to say well i'm pretty well endowed in the dongle department as i started to say this my brain belatedly realized how inappropriate this would be and cut me off leaving me to say well i'm pretty well endowed fortunately this only elicited a couple of awkward laughs and not an incident with hr i've stopped myself multiple times from asking my parents how old was i when i was born i just have an urge to ask that sometimes sorry if that's a dumb question i was pretty young so i don't remember exactly i was working in a drive-in ticket booth for a fancy heritage park in yorkshire when a car stopped at my booth with a young couple a toddler and the cutest corgi in the back they asked a few questions about the park and asked if it was okay to ride a tricycle around the grounds me being completely enamored with this dog hesitantly said yes and how i was so excited to see this dog somehow ride this tiny bike it was for their toddler that i forgot in the back seat we had a good laugh about it but it was still a big smooth brain moment yeah but i want to see the corgi rider tricycle too in my freshman year of college i was dorming next door to a couple cute girls about a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room and her towel still wet we were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says i know i look stunning sarcastically to which i replied don't flatter yourself i had to slid a note under her door explaining i was tongue-tied as she was beautiful and i meant to say don't be hard on yourself you look great or something to that nature we became good friends so cute of you to recover this way i was about four months into my current job feeling confident being fresh off the contract a higher period now moved into a coveted full-time role while walking back to my office from the morning kanban i was stopped by my boss head peeking out of the office boss hey the mediator do you have a sec me for you i've got lots of sex boss wide eyes mouth dropped if you're curious why this was incredibly stupid embarrassing try saying the phrase lots of sex out loud preferably not to your boss though lol when i was in sixth grade the neighbor teacher came in and asked our teacher if she had a second my teacher responds i have many sex into a bunch of sixth graders we all started laughing she had a confused look on her face and then got quiet when she realized it [Music] this just happened an hour ago i'm in this cafe to leave a bunch of flyers i made as i'm leaving the waitress tells me she likes my perfume normally i'd pick up on this as sort of a chat up line and politely defuse but because i've covered and a recent breakup i'm just not in that mindset at all so i just blurt out yeah i put on extra because i didn't shower today and i sweat a lot like i can't even freaking cringe at myself i'm so horrified even if she was just being nice i'm now a weird story she can tell her friends i'm such a freaking [ __ ] i will give you a hug but someone told me you have a sweating problem and haven't showered today it was cloudy enough that i could see the shape of the sun behind the clouds i crap you not looked at my husband and said oh i didn't know there would be a full sun today like a full moon but the sun the look my husband gave me had me reconsidering that master's degree i have i don't understand why people place bets on who wins why not just place bets on who loses yeah took me a minute to register what i said this is actually kind of a thing for horse racing obviously in one-on-one sports it doesn't make sense though one of the many that i can actually remember because my husband will never let me live it down with being at a farmers market and reading a handwritten sign out loud that said papaya and then asking my husband what it was it's papa he replied i feel like papaya could definitely be a rapper or dj name little me talking about a baby dinosaur fossil it would have lived longer if it hadn't died i meant that their lifespan was a lot longer but i recently started a new job at a bakery and we got a box of cakes that came in being an ever clever and eager to learn worker decided to read the boxes to see what kind of cakes they were they were labeled on ice cakes without the dash i then asked a co-worker what type of cake and eunice cake was except i pronounced it as you nice because that's what i thought they were my co-worker looked at me like i was the biggest idiot in the world and i agree i was playing on my phone extremely focused and i sneezed couple seconds later i said bless you and no i was not alone at the time i do that sometimes with a thank you at the end and people just look at me i was wondering why they had shut the gate at my kid's school and i looked around and saw heaps of crows and i said to another pair and probably shut the gates and keep the crows out as soon as it left my mouth i remembered they can fly the other parent lost it laughing and i wanted the floor to swallow me up it's only embarrassing if you make it that way it was a good joke if someone laughed at it i worked in politics in the early to mid 2000s i'm in dc we were going to the white house for a photo shoot with the potters and some legislators i was one of a few folks taking the pics for the people from my state i walk up to a gate not necessarily the right one and a uniformed secret service officer with an automatic weapon and ask where's the oval office i'm supposed to shoot the president he dongs his head to the side and i'm immediately like that was a really stupid way to ask that questions wasn't if he deadpan said yep and you couldn't see it even if i told you i explained i was supposed to enter on a certain side and i was trying to figure out where he made a gesture in a direction i thanked him apologized again and walked away i hear him laughing behind me as he radioed the other gate i got to the proper gate and the agent looks at me and says well you must be our shooter and snickers i replayed that in my head a 100x over i love this so freaking much once a friend was taking a graphic design class they asked me for my opinion on a project they was doing they had to raid design road signs they asked me if they should have a hand on the sign of the word stop i said you should have the word stop because blind people can't see the hand they then looked at me and asked you no blind people won't be able to read stop either i thought blind people could somehow read letters like a normal person but couldn't see anything else when i was living up in fairbanks i was out driving with my parents one day there was a truck in front of us that had a decal on the back window it had the word home written except that the o was replaced with an outline of the state of alaska my dad says oh that's cute they replaced the owen home with alaska my response thanks for explaining that because i had no idea what halsey meant to be honest that's the best response you could have given i was a waitress a lifetime ago one table asked for some crackers for their toddler until the meals came i got busy doing something else and only remembered the cracker when i passed the table i yelled crackers as i walked past by the table i'm black the table was a white family i yelled crackers in the middle of a busy restaurant in mississippi you could hear a pin drop luckily the family laughed and i wanted to die i still think about it when i try to sleep at night [Music] i used to swear that pigs can't walk backwards i'd heard it somewhere when i was little and it made sense as to why they're associated with new year they only move forwards i apologize to all the people i passed this ridiculousness onto over my life i never heard pigs being associated with new year family member died cousins came to the funeral me did they know this woman it's my dad's sister's children who are my cousins the woman who died was on my dad's side of the family what is something you did when you were younger that you are still facing the consequences of i was taken from my mom at age 10 and put into foster care after a while social services found my dad who left right after i was born and who i had never met eventually i was asked who i wanted to live with my dad or my mom i said my dad because i had always wanted one and being torn from my mom basically severed our bond through trauma it turns out he and my stepmom were abusers and i was abused for six years before i ran away still haunts me to think who i would have been had i chosen my mom now i'm estranged from them all this isn't your fault your dad and his wife are terrible people i had a bad habit of biting my nails and not washing my hands when i was about 10 years old i got pin worms twice into this day whenever my butt itches i have a moment of panic i was working 40 hours a week while still in high school after six months of non-stop work i fell asleep behind the wheel and i lost my leg flew off a water slide while goofing off landed on concrete left hip still hurts to sleep on 20-ish years later it took at least 10 years before i told my mom what happened i sprained my ankle on a treadmill when i was 13 and i was too stubborn to let it heal properly so now nearly 15 years later i can't walk until like 10 in the morning a couple times a month because my ankle is still a wee bit freaked i started working on a farm when i was 16 worked there for nearly 10 years the way we sort of crouched over to pick herbs for 6 to 12 hours a day fricked up my spine i have trouble standing for more than 10 minutes now i also now understand why my grandmother who worked on farms for more than 50 years pops painkillers like candy smoking it's difficult to quit smoking but definitely not impossible i smoked for over 10 years and then quit after i made a personal plan overview which positive things does smoking provide in which negative and then i planned a day to quit smoked as much as i could before that day but ever since i haven't smoked a single cigarette that day was seven years ago you can do it too good luck i listened to music way too freaking loudly i'm 37 and i absolutely need hearing aids i'm not deaf but if there is even slight background noise everything sounds incredibly muffled sometimes i have to ask people to repeat themselves three four times i have the same problem sort of i think mine is just my brain focusing on the wrong sounds occasionally not making it a point to work on my social skills i was a bit of a loner in school really shy now i struggle to make conversation with co-workers without feeling immense levels of anxiety worry that without this skill i'll never really get ahead don't worry social anxiety is something that can be beat you just have to keep trying and not beat yourself up when you mess up success in work and life is nothing but a construct of the mind as easy as it is to fall into this mindset of needing to be successful as early as possible it's not a race everyone's circumstances are different had a treehouse that was about 10 feet off the ground and i would regularly jump out of it being an idiot i wouldn't brace myself when i landed because i thought i looked cooler doing it that way just straight up land on my feet without so much as bending my knees well guess who's got crap knees before they've hit 30. [Music] let others opinion matter over my own it created havoc with my self-esteem and created anxiety whatever i achieved it seemed it was because i was lucky now i don't know who i am and what i could have been over eat and eat poorly please please please teach and demonstrate nutrition and exercise to your kids it is so freaking hard to defeat a lifetime of bad habits when you're in your adulthood and already feeling the effects of ill health from years of bad eating habits and no i don't just mean force them to eat their veggies and thus just create a totally negative relationship with healthy food you have to find ways to make their importance clear and introduce new ways of eating healthy don't just feed a kid whatever they want whenever they want i see that so much and the end result is not good overspending got a credit card as soon as i turned 18. it had a limit of 5 000 pounds and i was not financially responsible cuts a long story short more credit cards horrible cycle of debt how to dig myself out of it i got out of debt at 32 lived paycheck to paycheck for a while i'm 37 now and this year is first year of my life i have savings if anyone out there has crippling debt don't feel hopeless there's always a way out even if it takes years you can do it this is where i am at the moment it's good to hear there's hope i've actually ended up getting my dad to lock my credit card in his safe so i can't access it gave my legs for a stranger's life during a 16-car pileup eight years and 17 surgeries later i can kind of walk again my life is in complete shambles i've gained a hundred pounds and i lost my career a really freaking good one i couldn't stop lying about things i had done because i was so worried people would lose interest in me if i didn't seem super interesting until i lost track of my lies and couldn't stop i ended up burning bridges with a lot of awesome people that i may have been great friends with who we shared so many commonalities awesome personalities people i genuinely liked i literally have no friends now and have trouble even being able to hold conversations with anyone anymore i did it to myself and i regret it so much that i have dreams about things turning out differently all the time it sucks and if i could go back in time i'd grab younger me's tongue immediately and tell me people liked me and wanted to be my friend even if i felt like i was boring or not pretty enough i'm glad i said this finally i had to say it somewhere it's been driving me crazy when it finally hit me how deep and insane it had gone i can relate it's like sometimes i cannot really control when i lie it just comes out of my mouth before i can stop it i desperately want to change i don't like lying but i become the very own thing i despise had a drug problem got clean at 21 roughly 10 years ago looking to get a government engineering job but the government has different ideas on it it seems unlikely i will be able to get a security clearance i don't want to complain though because i know plenty of other people who still have their drug problems i know i'm just lucky to have been able to get on with my life anyway kids i suggest going to therapy instead of doing drugs i went to therapy instead of doing drugs they diagnosed me with a whole twitter bio worth of mental illness which ended my career military and prevents me from holding a security clearance so i can't do what i used to do on active duty for the civilian side but at least now that i'm unemployed and marked the lunatic i can go do all those drugs from age 16 to age 23 or so i was on the depo provera shot for birth control none of my doctors ever brought up that i should only be on it for a few years at a time because of some side effects like bone loss i have broken bones in shockingly dumb ways that are then leading to what i suspect will be lifelong issues i had surgery on my wrist after fracturing it in late 2019 and experience pretty frequent pain when i move my wrist or hand just slightly wrong i suppose this is something i technically didn't do but i never picked a career path so now i've got a cv the length of my arm from various jobs and education that span over three countries 18 years and with little to no recent experience due to taking care of my son and helping my ex helping my ex helping my ex helping my i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up after finishing college i stopped playing sports i've always been a bit on the stockier side bid through high school and college i was very active in several team sports soccer volleyball floor hockey so i had a lot of muscle on me too i didn't do any kind of exercise beyond just moving around for work and walking my dog twice a day for 12 long years i grew fat unhealthy and in poor shape i've been trying to work on that but even when i could go to the gym i would be exhausted after 30 minutes of light exercise i have hopes that i can at least be healthy as i work to build up my endurance intolerance for longer workouts but i doubt i'll ever be in the shape i was when i was in my teens early 20s and it's entirely my fault too i got lazy and i'll be paying for it for the rest of my life i become super unhealthy after a broken leg turned into three years of not moving from my bed one step at a time i've come to terms with never being able to go 100 but i am still shooting for that 99 use it like a day without my foot creaking like rice krispies cereal in milk i got into the car of a couple that saw me walking home from school and offered me a ride home instead of driving me home they took me to their house where they beat me for putting up a fight when they were about to assault me and raped me i'm still struggling alone mentally and don't trust anybody i was sexually assaulted as a child and living with ptsd for just about 20 years before i started the process of healing it is not too late the world is catching up to the complexities of trauma i'd be glad to share some very modest guidance with you if you'd welcome that if so you can dm me the nervous system can learn and unlearn gave up on everything when i was in college stopped going to school slacked at work did nothing in my free time i was living a day at a time with no plans for the future because i had no hope that life would get better now i'm here looking back at how things could have been different if i had a different mindset back then these days i'm doing my best to do the things i should have done then so the next time i reflect on the past 10 years i can feel pride instead of shame when my parents separated while i was in high school i moved out i was 14 my sister was 15 and my brother was 12 drugs fighting etc i couldn't handle it anymore but my siblings never moved out a few years later mom's back everyone's at home it's a happy family with no room for me this sounds more like you're facing the consequences of your parents actions no way should a 14 year old feel the need to move out of their home to find a peaceful living situation sending you a hug make good friend choices and make them your family spend way too much time alone as a kid playing video games instead of socializing with friends my social skills were stunted for many years which made things much harder than they needed to be felt kinda like a cycle for me no one wanted to hang out with me so i'd spend all my time watching movies instead which made my social skills worse which made people not want to hang out with me ruining my credit i got a bunch of credit cards when i was 18. i just turned 46 and i'm still reaping the consequences of those bad decisions i never studied i didn't need to from elementary to high school it was pretty easy for me so i never studied now i'm in college and i am facing the consequences of that i have no idea how to study effectively and it's reflecting in my test scores unprotected sex three of the little suckers god i love them [ __ ] i advise everyone never have more children than you have eyes not addressing my eating disorder pika ruined my teeth and had to get veneers and crowns to cover my broken teeth it makes me upset that i can't bite into anything with my front teeth at least now i don't have an iron or calcium deficiency self-isolation through middle and high school now i'm just very naturally closed off and hard to get along with in general so i basically have no friends gonna go on campus for the first time in the fall so hopefully i can build some social skills by then art college tl dr don't you only need two things for a successful career in games development a killer portfolio and networking contacts both can be developed online no development company gives a crap what your education background looks like if you can match their production style i'm with you art college is a completely worthless waste of time nobody has ever ever asked to see my illustration degree and i didn't do anything as a professional artist that i couldn't have done perfectly well without it it's a gigantic waste of time and money being super picky as a kid and still having to break the habit of avoiding certain foods because i don't like them but honestly haven't even tried them keep at it i know a 40 plus year old who has been a lifelong picky eater and it's honestly sad just burgers and fries pizzas and crisps no rice no pasta no pies might be something in it he doesn't like got into a bad situation with curf finance and credit card debt was in an unhealthy relationship and it manifested through spending luckily one of my family members bailed me out and allowed me to pay them back saving me thousands in interest and several years of my life back i'm with someone really great now who has helped me budget and i'm doing much better will be debt free by september total debt was 39 k shout out to our personal finance for all the great tips i feel like a better question would be what am i not suffering the consequences of at this point it's not a list it's a freaking dictionary my parents raised me to be a jehovah's witness i got baptized into the religion when i was 13. when i was 26 i realized i didn't believe in the religion anymore and left now my entire family including my parents sister and former social circle from the religion shone me i also broke my left pinky playing basketball in eighth grade i never did anything about getting it fixed but i also kept playing basketball and kept damaging it over and over now i have dexterity issues with it wannabe guitar player really hard to make those stretches with a pinky that only works one stroke two the time going to a very expensive out of state college just to spike my parents and get away from them my dad was offering me a forty dollar an hour part-time job and a place to live for free to pay for my college instead i said you don't want me to live my life the way i want to then frick off i went to a college 2000 miles away and took out a 140 000 student loan bruh accidentally touching a girl's bum when i was 16 her boyfriend decided to headbutt me for it leading to breaking my nose i am 36 now and i'm still suffering on a daily basis of the messed up pipe work up there my nose holes are closed up still that's probably not the right word you're looking for nostrils dislocated both kneecaps 10 months apart knees will pop out and in every now and then which hurts like a son of a bit h starved myself since i was about 12 because i wanted to be super thin which absolutely destroyed my metabolism ironic oh here it is me had an eating disorder at 14 that flipped from anorexia into binge eating and at 24 i'm still trying to fix the binging didn't keep up exercise i was so fit in my youth and let it slip i rode on that young fitness throughout my 20s and even 30s but in 40s it really comes out stay fit oh dang for some stupid reason i used to see how long i could stare into the sun when i was a kid i've been basically blind without contacts glasses for over 15 years so much money spent just to be able to see normally all because i was such an idiot kid xd my parents were never really that involved from ages 8 and up so i resorted to hours of being on the computer as a kid now as an adult i find myself just sitting on my phone every day all day my parents limited my computer time and i'm still internet addicted at 35. i was coerced into sexual activity in the summer between second and third grade i'm still suffering from the trauma i said no twice but in the end i did it i'm still dealing with the aftermath many years later i did graffiti on a wall when i was 19 and now i have a criminal conviction that i have to list when i go overseas it's embarrassing not taking choosing a college major seriously i started college in 2012 and changed my major five times i get so mad when i think about how much better my life would be right now if i'd picked the right major from the start and graduated on time i got suspended for what had to be like the fourth time that school year and my dad took everything away from me even my name for a month i couldn't have anything in my room but my book bag and my bed and that i wouldn't be brandy i would be can't get right i'm 37 years old and they are still calling me can't get right that's freaked i kissed my best friend there had always been something simmering between us it was the last month of our senior year in high school and the stars aligned but the girl i had dated through high school had decided we needed a break my friend and i were out with a group of our friends and things just clicked weakest and it was very much a mutual thing a couple decades down the road and i still think of that moment as one of the few perfect moments that you get in life note before moving forward i never got in any legal trouble from what came next the next day a buddy of mine came and told me that best friend was telling everyone who would listen that i raped her have you ever felt your heart hit the soul of your shoes i have by the end of the month the court of public opinion had ruled no one in the school would speak to me friends i'd had since kindergarten wouldn't look at me i was questioned by the school resource officer and the principal of the group that we were out with that night some of them had to have spoke up for me but none of them would have anything to do with me my entire support group was yanked out from under me i left high school depressed and overly cautious about every social interaction as a result the ex-girlfriend and i mended fences and ended up back together that should never have happened but i was alone in a new city depressed as heck and she was the life preserver that bobbed into view six months later she was hit with life-changing health issues i stuck it out right up until she left me for someone else that kicked me into a tailspin of depression drugs and alcohol i failed out of college moved back home and found a crappy job i met a woman shortly after moving home we really hit it off and we ended up married within a few months i was grabbing at anything to keep afloat and she was there bad mistake she was severely mentally ill but it didn't show until a year after we were married i was raised to stand by your choices so i stood more life-changing health issues occurred fast forward approaching my 40s and i'm stuck in a loveless marriage with a dependent mentally ill housebound wife i live near my hometown and still see people regularly who will turn their head and actively avoid me because of what happened i have issues forming close relationships and as such only have acquaintances not really friends i will never have children and i very likely will never be able to retire if you stuck it out this far thanks understand i do take responsibility for every choice and action that i took to arrive here i don't blame best friend for my life this is on me however i can point at that kiss and the fallout from it as the point that my life turned down this route even now i wouldn't change it that was the last moment i was truly happy if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video bye for now

Channel: Internet Is Fun Studios

Views: 1,287,428

Keywords: dumbest people, dumbest people of reddit, dumbest, stupid, dumb, idiots, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to

Id: yWAkjur87eQ

Length: 223min 14sec (13394 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 17 2021