GOOD MORNING. AND IT IS AN HONOR TO BE HERE. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE
OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE MY STORY. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE
YOUNGER, I SEE YOUNGER OUT THERE, LOTS OF YOUNGER. YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER A LOT ABOUT
THE COLUMBINE SHOOTINGS. IT IS IMPORTANT FIRST TO GO BACK
AND SORT OF LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED. ABOUT ALMOST 20 YEARS AGO, MY
SON, WHO WAS 17 YEARS OLD, AND HIS FRIEND, ERIC, ENTERED
COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL WITH THE INTENT OF KILLING EVERYONE IN
THE SCHOOL. FORTUNATELY THEY DON'T DO THAT. BUT KILLED 12 STUDENTS AND A
TEACHER AND TAKING THEIR OWN LIVES. THEY INJURED IN THE NUMBER I
GIVE IS 24, WE DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE INJURED, IT
DEPENDS ON HOW THAT IS COUNTED. [INAUDIBLE] GOT IT. THANK YOU. THE PEOPLE WHO WERE INJURED HAD
TO, MANY OF THEM ARE STILL SUFFERING FROM THEIR INJURIES. I HAVE BECOME FRIENDS WITH ONE
OF THE GIRLS WITH A SPINAL CHORD INJURY AND WHEN I WITH HER,
EVERY FEW MINUTES, SHE'S SORT OF WINCH AND DOUBLE OVER WITH PAIN. SHE HAS ON GOING NERVE PAIN FOR
THE REST OF HER LIFE FROM THE INJURY. SHE ALSO IS A PARAPLEGIC AND
CAN'T WALK. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WILL
NEVER GO AWAY. THEY ARE DEALING WITH THIS THE
REST OF THEIR LIVES. THESE THINGS INVOLVE
PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA. AS WELL AS COSTS, COSTS FOR
SPECIAL VEHICLES, SPECIAL HOUSING. THERE WAS DAMAGE TO A SCHOOL. NOW, COLUMBINE WAS A NEW SCHOOL
AT THE TIME, AND WHEN THIS HAPPENED THE SCHOOL WAS NOT
VIRTUALLY DESTROYED, BUT I THINK WE CAN SAY IT WAS DESTROYED
PSYCHOLOGICALLY SO PEOPLE WERE UNABLE TO GO BACK TO THE SCHOOL. THERE WAS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT
WHAT WILL WE DO WITH THIS BUILDING. SOME PEOPLE INSISTED THAT THE
PARENTS OF THE SHOOTERS SHOULD CONTRIBUTE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
TO REPLACE THE BUILDING. I DID NOT THAT HAVE KIND OF
MONEY, IF I WANTED TO DO SUCH A THING, I WAS NOT ABLE TO DO
THAT. OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT THEY SHOULD
KEEP THE SCHOOL AND REMODEL IT. WHERE WOULD THE FUNDS COME FROM? THE FUNDS ARE DIFFICULT TO
OBTAIN. THERE WAS A FUND RAISING DOWN TO
REBUILD THE SCHOOL, TO CHANGE IT SO THAT WHEN YOU WALKED IN YOU
DIDN'T SEE THE SAME THINGS OR EXPERIENCE THE SAME THINGS. THEY CHANGED THE LOOK ADD THE
LOCATION OF THE LIBRARY WHERE MOST OF THE KIDS DIED. WE CAN'T BEGIN TO THINK ABOUT
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THAT THIS CAUSES. IT IS A RIPPLE EFFECT. IT GOES ON YEAR AND YEARS. I WAS AT A SUICIDE PREVENTION
AND THEY HAD A FIREFIGHTER FROM ONE OF THE LOCAL DISTRICTS AND
HE SAID THAT WITHIN HIS FIRE DEPARTMENT FOLLOWING THE EVENT
BECAUSE THEY WERE PART OF THE RESCUE EFFORTS PEOPLE WERE
STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION, AND PTSD. AND IN HIS LOCAL FIRE DEPARTMENT
THEY HAD SIX SUICIDES JUST FROM THE AFTERMATH OF THE TRAUMA AND
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IS DIFFICULT FOR THEM, THEIR CHIEF
DIDN'T WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT THEIR WORKERS WERE STRUGGLING
BECAUSE OF THE STIGMA AND THE ENVIRONMENT EVERYONE WAS SUING
AND BLAMING EVERYONE, AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE
HIS TEAM WASN'T TOUGH ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH. HE SAID IF YOU NEED COUNSELING
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO OUT FOR COUNSELING. I WILL BRING A COUNSELLOR IN
HERE AND THAT PERSON WILL TALK TO YOU. AND CONSEQUENTLY THERE WERE SIX
SUICIDES WITHIN THAT DEPARTMENT. ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF
TRAUMA THAT YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT. WHAT ABOUT THE HOSPITALS. KIDS, INJURED CHILDREN WERE TAKE
TON THE HOSPITALS AROUND THE CITY. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THE
HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR SHARED WAS HOW UNFAIR IT SEEMED TO HIM
THAT THE KIDS THAT ARE THE VICTIMS GOT THE MEDIA ATTENTION
AND GIFTS AND VISITS FROM THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS AND YET, OTHER
PEOPLE WERE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH SPINAL CHORD INJURIES AND HEAD
INJURIES AND WERE BEING IGNORED BY THE PUBLIC, BUT THERE AN
OUTPOURING OF LOVE AND HONOR FOR THE VICTIMS AND IT PUTS THOSE
WHO ARE NOT IN THAT POSITION IN A DIFFICULT PLACE, BECAUSE THEIR
LOVED ONES TOO HAVE HAD HEAD INJURIES, DEBILITATING INJURIES,
PRAISE OR THE ATTENTION. IN ONE OF THE PRESENTATIONS THAT
I GAVE ABOUT A YEAR OR TWO AGO SOMEONE CAME UP TO ME AFTER THE
PRESENTATION AND SHE SAID YOU KNOW I COUNT MY CHILD AS A
VICTIM OF THE COLUMBINE SHOOTINGS TOO EVEN THOUGH SHE
WASN'T AT THE SCHOOL. HER LITTLE GIRL WAS NINE YEARS
OLD AND IN A HOSPITAL IN THE DENVER AREA, SHE WAS HAVING A
SPINAL FUSION ON THE DAY OF THE SHOOTINGS. THIS CHILD WAS PLACED INTO ICU
AND WHEN THE SHOOTINGS HAPPENED, SHE WAS REMOVED FROM ICU TO MAKE
WAY FOR THE INJURED KIDS COMING IN AND HER LITTLE GIRL WAS PUT
INTO A ROOM AND THE LADY SAID TO ME, SHE HAD THE NURSE FROM HELL
AND POOR CARE AND SHE GOT AN INFECTION AND SHE DIED. SO THAT'S ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE
THINGS THAT WE DON'T THINK ABOUT WHEN WE THINK ABOUT A TRAGEDY
LIKE THIS. LAWSUITS. EVERYBODY WAS SUING EVERYBODY. OUR FAMILY WAS SUED BY 36 FAMILY
MEMBERS. THE LAWSUITS HUNG OVER OUR HEAD
AS A FAMILY FOR FOUR YEARS. WE GOT DEPOSED FOUR YEARS AFTER. DURING THAT TIME, I WAS LIVING
WITH THE TERROR THAT I WOULD LOSE MY HOME, WE WOULD LOSE OUR
ALL OF OUR INCOME. PEOPLE WERE ON TV AND
THREATENING TO SUE US. I WOULD SAY GOOD LUCK WITH THAT,
I DON'T HAVE $200 MILLION. IT WAS A FRIGHTENING TIME. LAWSUITS MAKE IT DIFFICULT FOR
PEOPLE TO TALK AND BUILD COMMUNITY WHEN THEY NEED TO. THAT IS WHAT OCCURS AFTER A
TRAGEDY LIKE THIS, EVERYONE IS BLAMING EVERYBODY. WHEN THERE'S BLAME, WHEN LAWYERS
ARE INVOLVED PEOPLE DON'T TALK, PEOPLE DON'T SHARE. IT TOOK ME YEARS TO TRY TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT HAD HAPPENED THAT DAY AND TALK WITH PEOPLE
AND TALK TO SOMEONE IN THE SCHOOL. AND THOSE THINGS ARE IMPEDED
JUST BECAUSE A LEGAL PROCESS IS TAKING PLACE. I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO A
SUPPORT GROUP FOR SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE LOSS, WHICH I IDENTIFIED
AS BEING A SURVIVOR OF SUICIDE LOSS. BUT MY LAWYER SAID TO US, YOU
CAN'T GO TO A SUPPORT GROUP, IF YOU TELL YOUR STORY TO SOMEONE
IN THAT GROUP AND YOUR CASE GOES TO TRIAL, YOU HAVE TURNED THEM
INTO WITNESSES AND FORCING THEM TO TESTIFY AGAINST YOU. SO EARLY ON I WASN'T ABLE TO GO
TO A VENUE TO TALK TO PEOPLE THAT MIGHT HELP. WHAT ABOUT HOW THEY GOT THE
GUNS. THAT WAS A LEGAL PROBLEM TOO. DYLAN, WE NEVER OWNED ANY GUNS
IN OUR HOME. I ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT IS NOT
ON BOARD WITH OWNING GUNS BECAUSE IT INCREASES RISK. MY SON, THAT WAS ONLY 17,
MANAGED TO PURCHASE TWO GUNS. ONE WAS PURCHASED LEGALLY
THROUGH A STRAW PURCHASE. HIS FRIEND ROBIN, WHAT IS GIRL,
WENT INTO A GUN SHOW AND BOUGHT A SHOTGUN, SHE WAS 18. SHE HANDED THE GUN OVER THE
DYLAN. THAT WAS LEGAL. THAT WAS ALLOWED. THE OTHER GUN HE BOUGHT FROM A
YOUNG MAN WHO THOUGHT DYLAN WAS 18 YEARS OLD BECAUSE HE MET HIM
AT THE GUN SHOW. SO DYLAN-- SO THIS YOUNG MAN
WAS SELLING HIS OWN GUN AND HE THOUGHT HE WAS COMPLYING WITH
THE LAW. HE NEVER ASKED DYLAN HOW OLD HE
WAS. HE ASSUMED HE WAS 18. FOR SELLING DYLAN THE GUN, HE
GOT A SIX YEAR PRISON SENTENCE. THE OTHER ISSUE THAT COMES UP
OFTEN IS COLUMBINE WAS THE EVENT THAT CAUSED COPY CATS, THAT SORT
OF SET THE STAGE FOR MAKING EVENTS LIKE THIS HIGH PROFILE. AND I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND
PEOPLE THAT DYLAN AND ERIC WERE COPY CATTING. DYLAN HAD WRITINGS, THE POLICE
FOUND HE WAS WRITING IN PAGES OF NOTEBOOK PAPER, PAGES STUCK,
THEY REFERRED TO THE EVENT AS NBK, NATURAL BORN KILLERS. IT IS A NAME OF A MOVIE. SO COPY CATTING IS NOT A NEW
THING. IT DIDN'T BEGIN WITH COLUMBINE. IT HAS BEEN HERE A VERY LONG
TIME. SO ONE THING THAT I ALWAYS WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IS WHEN THIS HAPPENED, IT WAS, I GOT HATE
MAIL, I GOT ASKED EVERYWHERE, I READ THE ARTICLES AND THE ONE
QUESTION I WAS ASKED OVER AND OVER AGAIN, HOW COULD YOU NOT
KNOW? THAT WAS THE QUESTION I WAS
ASKING MYSELF. WHEN THIS FIRST HAPPENED, I WAS
IN SUCH A STATE OF SHOCK. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAD
HAPPENED. IT WOULD TAKE ME YEARS TO PIECE
TOGETHER THE THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED. FROM MY OWN STORY, I HAD TWO
BOYS, DYLAN WAS MY SON THAT WAS GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL. HE HAD BEEN ACCEPTED TO FOUR
COLLEGES. HE WAS ACCEPTED AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA, THAT WAS HIS FIRST CHOICE SCHOOL AND THE
YEAR BEFORE HE DIED, 14 MONTHS BEFORE HE DIED HE HAD SOME
TROUBLE IN SCHOOL. HE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR SCRATCHING
A LOCKER. HE AND HIS FRIENDS HACKED INTO
THE SCHOOL COMPUTER SCHOOL SYSTEM TO GET THE LOCKER COP BIN
NATIONS, HIS FRIEND WANTED TO LEAVE A NASTY NOTE IN THE LOCKER
OF A BOY THAT WAS TRYING TO GET THE GIRL THAT HE LIKED. THAT IS A WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN
OF A TEENAGE BOY. HE WAS SUSPENDED FOR THAT. HE AND ERIC GOT ARRESTED BECAUSE
THEY STOLE SOMETHING FROM A VAN THAT WAS PARKED ON A COUNTRY
ROAD WHERE WE LIVED. THOSE THINGS HAPPENED IN A
CLUSTER IN THE JUNIOR YEAR. DYLAN HAD NEVER BEEN IN TROUBLE
BEFORE. HE WAS A GOOD KID. HE WAS IN A GIFTED PROGRAM. HE HAD NEVER HAD ANY DIAGNOSIS
OF ANY TYPE OF A PROBLEM. EVERY YEAR AT THE TEACHER
CONFERENCES, I ALWAYS ASKED, IS HE GETTING A LONG WITH OTHER
PEOPLE, ANYTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT? THE ANSWER WAS ALWAYS NO. HE'S DOING FINE. SO THAT SPELL OF TROUBLE RIGHT
THERE CONCERNED ME VERY MUCH. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. AT THE TIME, I WAS ASKING
PEOPLE, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, LAWYER, BECAUSE HE HAD TO HAVE A
LAWYER WHEN HE STOLE THAT EQUIPMENT FROM THE VAN, AND I
WAS SAYING WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, DOES IT MEAN SOMETHING, AND
EVERYONE ASSURED ME, DYLAN IS SUCH A GOOD KID. DON'T WORRY ABOUT DYLAN. KIDS ACT OUT AND YOU HEAR THE
STORIES OF THE BOYS URINATING FROM THE TOP OF THE SCHOOL AND
HAVING FUN, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT THIS. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE
CONCERNED ABOUT. WHEN I WENT TO THE DIVERSION
COUNSELLOR, HE WOULD RECEIVE COUNSELING AND DRUG VISITS AND
ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES INSTEAD OF GOING TO JAIL, THE FIRST
THING I ASKED HER, DOES THIS MEAN SOMETHING, DO YOU THINK HE
NEEDS COUNSELING? AND SHE TURNED TO DYLAN, WHAT DO
YOU THINK, DYLAN, DO YOU THINK YOU NEED COUNSELING? DYLAN SAID NO I DON'T NEED
COUNSELING. I WILL PROVE TO YOU I WILL GET
MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE
CONTINUED TO DO. HE CONTINUED WITH SCHOOL. HE HAD NO MORE TROUBLE. HE WAS IN THE SCHOOL PLAYS. AND HE HELD A JOB. SO FROM MY PERSPECTIVE AS A
PARENT, OBSERVING BEHAVIORS, I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING ODD OR
DIFFERENT. YES, SOMETIMES HE WAS MOODY. HE HAD A COMPUTER THAT HE BUILT
AND HE WOULD BE IN HIS ROOM A LOT ON THE COMPUTER. HE HAD FRIENDS, WE BOWLED AND
WENT TO MOVIES AND WENT OUT TO DINNER WITH US AS A FAMILY. IN THE DAYS LEADING UP TO THE
SHOOTINGS, HE WAS THE END OF THE SENIOR YEAR AND HE WAS READY TO
GRADUATE. HE MADE A COME MEANT THAT THEY
WERE GOING TO DO A SCHOOL PRANK. I REMEMBER SAYING NO PRANK. YOU CAN'T DO A PRANK. YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE
DIVERSION PROGRAM. HE WAS TERMINATED FROM THE
DIVERSION PROGRAM EARLY THERE WAS NO NEED TO CONTINUE BECAUSE
THEIR BEHAVIOR INDICATED THERE WERE NO ISSUES AND THAT THEY
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO TERMINATE EARLY. IN MY HEAD EVERYTHING WAS GOING
ALONG FINE. THE SHOOTINGS HAPPENED ON THE
TUESDAY. THE WEEKEND BEFORE THE
SHOOTINGS, DYLAN WENT TO THE HIGH SCHOOL PROM. HE WENT WITH 12 FRIENDS, RENTED
AN LIMO AND DRESSED UP WITH THE TUXES. THAT FRIDAY, HE SAT DOWN WITH MY
HUSBAND AND PICKED HIS DORM ROOM FOR COLLEGE AND MEASURED THE
SQUARE FOOTAGE TO GET THE BIGGEST ROOM AND THEN THE PROM,
HE CAME HOME THAT NIGHT, EARLY IN THE MORNING AND HE THANKED ME
AND SAYING I HAD THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR PAYING FOR ALL OF
THIS. HE HELD UP A LITTLE FLASK THAT
CAME FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE, AND I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS AND IT HAD
ALCOHOL IN IT, BUT I DIDN'T DRINK IT. YOU CAN TRUST ME. I SAID I TRUST ME. THREE DAYS LATER THE SHOOTINGS
HAPPENED. THAT MORNING OF THE SHOOTINGS I
HAD GOTTEN UP VERY, VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING. IT WAS DARK.
5:00. I HAD TO GO DOWNTOWN TO WORK. DYLAN HAD A BOWLING GLASS AND
HAD TO GET UP EARLY. I WAS THE ONE THAT WOKE HIM UP. I HEARD HIM THUNDERING DOWN THE
STAIRS PAST MY DOOR ON THE WAY TO GO. I OPENED THE DOOR, AND I YELLED,
DYL, AND HE JUST YELLED BYE. AND SLAMMED THE FRONT DOOR AND
DROVE AWAY. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I HEARD
HIS VOICE. I SAID TO MY HUSBAND, SOMETHING
THE BOTHERING HIM. MY HUSBAND SAID DYLAN SEEMS
TENSE TO ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THE PITCH OF THE VOICE IS HIGHER
THAN USUAL. I SAID I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT. MAYBE SHE'S NERVOUS BECAUSE OF
THE PROM. HE HADN'T BEEN TO ONE BEFORE. IT IS THE END OF THE SCHOOL
YEAR. MY HUSBAND SAID MAYBE. I WOKE UP TOM THAT MORNING AND
SAID SOMETHING THE WRONG. I HAD NO IDEA WE WERE TALKING
ABOUT A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION. I THOUGHT SOMETHING
INTERPERSONAL, SOMETHING HE NEEDED TO WORK OUT WITH A
FRIEND. I SAID TO MY HUSBAND, WILL YOU
BE HERE WHEN HE COMES HOME. SURE.
I WILL TALK TO HIM. I WEPT TO WORK THINKING ALL THE
WELL. ABOUT NOON THAT DAY, I SAW A
MESSAGE FROM MY HUSBAND, AND IT WAS HIS VOICE CRACKING, GASPING
AND SAYING SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY CALL ME
BACK. I KNEW SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ONE
OF OUR CHILDREN. HE TOOK THE PHONE, AND HE SAID
LISTEN TO THE TELEVISION AND PUT THE PHONE TO THE TV. I JUST HEARD THE STATIC AND
SCREAMING, WHAT, WHAT'S HAPPENED. HE GOT BACK ON AND SAID THERE
WAS A SHOOTING AT THE SCHOOL, AND THEY THINK DYLAN IS
INVOLVED. KIDS IN TRENCH COATS ARE
SHOOTING PEOPLE AND HE POURED AND I SAID I AM COMING HOME. THAT BEGAN A NIGHTMARE THAT
LASTED FOR YEARS AND YEARS. AT FIRST I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT
DYLAN WAS THERE WILLINGLY AND I HAD A STRONG EMBEDDED PLACE OF
DENIAL. PEOPLE WERE SAYING HE DID THESE
BAD THINGS AND IN MY HEAD IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE. WHY PREPARE FOR A FUTURE AND GO
TO PROM AND HOW ARE YOU DOING THESE THINGS AND PREPARING FOR
DEATH, FOR YOUR OWN DEATH AND THE DEATH OF OTHER PEOPLE. SO I HAD AND MANY OF DYLAN'S
FRIENDS HAD THE SAME BELIEF, THAT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A
THEATRE THING, OR A PRANK AND GOT OUT OF HAND AND SOMEONE
SWITCHED THE TOY GOWNS FOR REAL GUNS. FOR SIX MONTHS WHEN I FINALLY
GOT THE POLICE REPORT OF WHAT HAPPENED, I WAS IN THE PLACE OF
BELIEVING THAT MY SON WAS NOT CAPABLE OF INTENTION ALLY
HURTING OTHERS AND THEN I HEARD THE TRUTH THEY HAD PREPARED
THIS, IT WAS A PLAN, AND YES, DYLAN HAD INTENTIONALLY HURT
OTHER PEOPLE AND THEN IT BEGAN THE GRIEF PROCESS ALL OVER
AGAIN. I WAS GRIEVING FOR THE CHILD
THAT I HAD PRESERVED AND INVENTED IN MY MIND AND NOW I
HAD TO GRIEVE FOR SOMEONE I DIDN'T KNOW TO START THAT
PROCESS OVER. SO MY PATH THROUGH YEARS OF
THERAPY, I MEAN I GOT BREAST CANCER, I HAD PSTD AND ALL KINDS
OF THINGS TO WORK ON TO GET THROUGH THIS. WHAT HELPED ME AND SAVED ME WAS
AT SOME POINT I CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT DYLAN HAD DIED
FROM SUICIDE. HE WAS AFTER I GOT THE POLICE
REPORT, THE POLICE SHARED SOME JOURNALS WITH ME, AND IN THOSE
JOURNALS DYLAN WRITTEN DOWN AT THE AGE OF 15, I AM INIAL AGONY. I WANT TO GET A GUN AND KILL
MYSELF. HE TALKED ABOUT CUTTING HIMSELF. I DIDN'T KNOW THESE THINGS WERE
GOING ON AND HIS FRIENDS DIDN'T KNOW IT. HE WAS WORKING HARD TO PRESERVE
THE IMAGE THAT THINGS WERE FINE AND HE DID IT SO WELL. SO MY PATH WAS TRYING TO
UNDERSTAND HIS OWN SUICIDALITY. AND AS I BELIEVE, AND AS THE
EXPERTS BELIEVE; HIS BEING THERE AND DOING THIS WAS REALLY
BECAUSE OF HIS OWN SUICIDALITY. I HAVE LEARNED IN THE YEARS
SINCE THEN NOW THAT 78% OF SCOOT SHOOTERS ARE SUICIDAL AT THE
TIME OF THE SHOOTING. THEY HAVE SUICIDAL FEELINGS. SO I BELIEVE, I'M AN ADVOCATE
FOR PREVENTION. SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE. IF WE CAN HELP THOSE WHO ARE
SUICIDAL WHEN HAVING A SUICIDAL CRISIS, THEY DON'T HAVE TO LOSE
THEIR LIVES AND IN THE RARE CASES OF MURDER SUICIDES, THEIR
VICTIMS DON'T HAVE TO LOSE THEIR LIVES. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT ONE PERCENT
ALL OF SUICIDES ARE MURDER SUICIDES. AND MURDER SUICIDES THAT ARE
MASS SHOOTINGS ARE A VERY SMALL PERCENT OF THAT ONE PERCENT. EVEN THOUGH WE SEE THEM ON THE
NEWS ALL OF THE TIME, THEY ARE STILL A STATISTICAL RARITY. IT IS NOT LIKELY TO HAPPEN. BUT NOT EVERYONE WHO IS SUICIDAL
OF COURSE IS HOMICIDAL. IT IS A SMALL FRACTION. BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WHO ARE HAVING THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OF SUICIDE, FEELINGS OF
HOPELESSNESS, FEELINGS OF BEING PREOCCUPIED AND BEING IN PAIN. CHANCES ARE A LARGE PERCENTAGE
OF US IN THE ROOM KNOW PEOPLE EXPERIENCING THAT OR OURSELVES. I WANT TO MENTION, I'M A MEMBER
OF THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE, ONE OF
THEIR ADVISORY COUNCILS AND THE HEAD OF THE LIFELINE TOLD ME
THAT A AURORA SHOOTER KILLED THE LIFELINE BEFORE GOING TO
THEATRE. AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE CALLED
DURING A TIME WHEN THERE WAS A TECHNICAL GLITCH AND THE LINES
WERE SHUTDOWN AND HE COULDN'T CONNECT TO SOMEONE. THEY FOLLOWED UP AND SAW HE
CALLED A LIFELINE. SO WE CAN NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE
THE IMPORTANCE OF THAT KIND OF INTERVENTION WHEN SOMEONE IS IN
CRISIS. SO I SEE I HAVE TO HURRY ALONG
HERE. SO SIGNS OF SUICIDE COULD BE
TALKING ABOUT BEING A BURDEN TO OTHERS. DYLAN NEVER DID THAT. FEELING TRAPPED. FEELING ISOLATED. FEELING THAT ONE HAS NO HOPE. THOSE ARE NOT SIGNS THAT MANY OF
US CAN SEE UNLESS SOMEONE SHARES THOSE WITH US OR WE KNOW HOW TO
ASK IF THEY ARE THERE. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO ASK THAT
QUESTION. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ASKING THE
QUESTION WAS SOMETHING THAT I MIGHT HAVE DONE. THIS IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO AND
TRY TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE THINGS THAT WE
CAN DO. MY GREATEST REGRET AS A PARENT
IS THAT I DIDN'T JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN. I WOULD ASK DYLAN ALL THE SAME
QUESTIONS I WAS ASKED GROWING UP, HOW IS YOUR DAY, HOW WAS
SCHOOL, HOW ARE YOUR FRIENDS AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND. I NEVER GOT INTO THE POSITION
WHERE I REALLY SAT DOWN WITH THE INTENTION OF LISTENING. I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A
CHILD, IF I WENT TO MY MOTHER AND SAID I'M UGLY, NOBODY LIKES
ME. WHAT DOES A MOM SAY. YOU ARE PRETTY. YOU ARE SMART.
I LOVE YOU. BY SAYING THOSE KINDS OF THINGS
WE ARE EFFECTIVELY DENYING THAT FEELING. WE ARE SO UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN OUR
LOVED ONES ARE UNCOMFORTABLE THAT WE TRY TO FIX IT. I LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT
TRYING TO FIX THINGS WHEN I TALK WITH PEOPLE NOW. THAT BY SAYING YOU ARE OKAY, I
THINK YOU ARE PRETTY, WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
THOSE FEELINGS, YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE FEELINGS, BECAUSE WE ARE
UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT. SO I TRY TO HELP PEOPLE HAVING A
CHANCE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN AND TO ABSORB, TO SIT
COMFORTABLE WITH SOMEONE'S CRISIS. THE THING WE CAN DO TO HELP THEM
IS TO LISTEN TO THAT, VALIDATE THAT FEELING AND REASSURE THEM
THAT WE LOVE THEM AND WE'LL BE THERE AND WE'LL GET HELP. I FEEL SOME WHAT OPTIMISTIC
ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW. I KNOW FOR THE PEOPLE ALL OF YOU
OUT THERE ON THE FRONT LINES DEALING WITH BEHAVIORAL HEALTH
IS TRYING TO CHANGE A TIRE AS YOU ARE GOING DOWN THE FREEWAY,
ALL THESE PEOPLE WITH ALL THOSE NEEDS AND YOU ARE A CRASHING
TRANSITION POINT WHERE PEOPLE BEGINNING TO REALIZE THEY CAN
GET HELP FOR THE DIFFICULT AND BAD FEELINGS THEY ARE HAVING,
BUT ALL THE THINGS ARE NOT IN PLACE TO HELP THEM. WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS TO
MAKE EFFECTIVE TREATMENT CHOICES THAT WE KNOW ARE THE RIGHT
CHOICE IN THAT SITUATION. WHAT I SEE HAPPENING, IF NOTHING
ELSE, THE ONE THING THAT FROM MY PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE, WHEN WE
TALK ABOUT THE TERRIBLE TRAGEDIES THAT OCCURRED, LESS
AND LESS I HEAR THEM REFERRED AS AN ISSUE OF GOOD AND EVIL. I HEAR THEM SOMEONE BEING OUT OF
CONTROL, IN A PLACE WHERE THEY LOST ACCESS TO THEIR OWN TOOLS
OF SELF-GOVERNANCE AND REASON. THAT IS ENCOURAGING TO ME. I SEE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THE
SYSTEMS THAT WE INTERACT WITH. THINGS ARE CHANGING. I WENT TO AN EVENT AND MOST OF
US LOST A LOVED ONE TO SUICIDE. THE PERSON THEY HAD LOVED
STRUGGLED AND STRUGGLED FOR A LONG TIME IN MANY OF THE CASE. THE OTHER HALF HAD LOVED ONES
THAT HAD STRUGGLED, THEY HAD DONE EVERYTHING THEY KNEW HOW TO
DO. THEY HAD SOUGHT THERAPY. THEY HAD BEEN IN AND OUT OF
HOSPITALS. THEY HAD MEDICATION. UNFORTUNATELY THEIR STORY HAD A
TRAGIC END AS WELL. THAT POINTS OUT WHAT WE NEED TO
DO. NUMBER ONE, WE HAVE TO EDUCATE
OURSELVES, EVERY PERSON, EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO TAKE MENTAL
HEALTH FIRST AID. I BELIEVE EVERY PROFESSIONAL
THAT WORKS OTHERS IN SCHOOLS OR HOSPITALS SHOULD HAVE MENTAL
HEALTH FIRST AID AND A SUICIDE INTERVENTION TRAINING. QPR, ASSIST, THERE ARE MANY OF
THEM. BECAUSE THESE MEDICAL CRISIS
MOST PEOPLE WHO GET INTERVENTION WHEN IN CRISIS DON'T GO ON TO
DIE BY SUICIDE. AND THERE IS SOMETHING THAT WE
CAN DO. AND I URGE ALL OF US TO KNOW
MORE, TO BE MORE RESPONSIVE BECAUSE ULTIMATELY WE MIGHT BE
THE PERSON AT THE END OF THEIR LIVES AND WE MIGHT NOT KNOW WE
ARE DEALING WITH AN INDIVIDUAL THAT IS CLOSE TO HIS OWN DEATH. SO I AM OVER MY TIME AND WE ARE
GOING TO STOP AND WE'LL HAVE QUESTIONS. COME ON UP, ALAN. [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR
STORY WITH US, AND WE DO HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO DISCUSS. THE THEME TODAY IS STORIES. AND I WONDER IF YOU COULD
REFLECT BACK ON THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU CHOOSE TO TELL THE
STORY PUBLICLY, HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE READY? WELL, IT WAS SIX YEARS AFTER
THE EVENT. I BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF THERAPY. I READ A LOT OF BOOKS. I HAPPENED TO MEET OTHER
SURVIVORS OF MURDER SUICIDE AND WE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR US TO
TRY TO BEGIN TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ABOUT MURDER SUICIDE. AND THERE WAS A CONFERENCE IN
COLORADO. IT WAS THE VIOLENCE GOES TO
COLLEGE CONFERENCE IN BOULDER AND WE DECIDED TO DO A PANEL AND
WHAT I FOUND OUT LEADING UP TO THE PANEL, I STARTED INTO
TERRIBLE ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS. I NEVER FACED, I AM ALWAYS
AFRAID FACING SOMEONE IN THE AUDIENCE SOMEONE MAY HAVE LOST
THEIR LOVED ONE BECAUSE OF MY SON. I VIDEO TAPED MY PART, IF I WAS
INCAPACITATED AND COULDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, I COULD
HIT A BUTTON. I DID.
I LIVED THROUGH IT. IT TOOK MONTHS FOR US TO RECOVER
AFTER BEING ON THE PANEL. I HAVE DONE IT AND I CAN DO IT
AGAIN. WHEN YOU SPEAK, WHAT DO YOU HOPE
TELLING THE STORY WILL GIVE THE AUDIENCE? THIS IS HARD TO TALK ABOUT,
BUT I WISH WITH ALL OF MY HEART THAT SOMEONE HAD HELPED MY SON. I DON'T KNOW WANT ANYONE TO GO
THROUGH WHAT OUR FAMILY AND OUR COMMUNITY HAS GONE THROUGH. I AM HOPING WHAT I SAY HELPS
SOMEONE ELSE AND PREVENT A TRAGEDY. I AM SURE YOU GET A LOT OF
REACTIONS WHEN YOU SPEAK, WHAT'S THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF SOMEONE
COMING UP AFTER AND WHAT DID THEY SAY, HOW DID IT TOUCH YOU? ONE OF THE CONFERENCES THAT I
SPOKE AT WAS A CONFERENCE FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL
NEEDS. AND I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW IF I
WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO RELATE. DYLAN WAS NOT A CHILD WITH
SPECIAL NEEDS. HE MADE US FEEL LIKE GREAT
PARENTS UP UNTIL HIS DEATH. BUT AT THAT CONFERENCE, WHEN I
SAW PEOPLE RELATE TO ME, ONE LADY CAME UP TO ME AND HUGGED ME
AND SAID HER SON WAS ON DEATH ROW AND FELT I WAS SPEAKING FOR
HIM AS WELL. THAT MEANT A LOT TO ME. OUR THEME THE EQUITY, I
WONDER IF AS YOU HAVE SPOKEN, AS YOU HAVE LEARNED ABOUT THIS
ISSUE YOU CAN REFLECT ON YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FAMILY'S
CIRCUMSTANCES, WHAT DID AND DIDN'T HAPPEN AND HOW THAT
COMPARES WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO YOU MAY HAVE INTERACTED WITH IN
DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES. I WANT TO MAKE SURE I
UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ACCESS TO
RESOURCES OR I'M NOT SURE? I WILL LET YOU TAKE IT WHERE
YOU THINK. THAT IS A GOOD STARTING POINT. IN MY SITUATION, IT WAS NOT
BEING PRIVILEGED AS WE WERE OR NOT BEING PRIVILEGED. IT DIDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN
OUR CASE. SOMEONE IN OUR FAMILY WAS
STRUGGLING AND WE WERE NOT AWARE OF IT. IF I HAD KNOWN, I WOULD HAVE
TRIED TO GET THE RESOURCES TO HELP. AND I THINK THE STORY THAT I
TELL IS A MORE UNIVERSAL ONE, EVERY ONE OF US CAN BE SUFFERING
AND STRUGGLING. THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU OR PEOPLE
IN OUR HOME AND WORKING HARD NOT TO SHOW YOU THAT THEY ARE
VULNERABLE AND AFRAID AND CRUMBLING AND THAT IS MORE THE
MESSAGE THAT I HAVE. IT CROSSES THE LINES OF EQUITY,
IT IS ALL OF US. REALLY STRUCK AS A PARENT AND
LISTENING AND THE QUESTIONS THAT YOU ASKED AND THE WAY THAT WE
ARE SORT OF TAUGHT TO RESPOND TO THE PAIN AND THE HURT OF OTHERS,
HOW DO YOU OTHER THAN SORT OF GIVING THE MESSAGE THAT WE
SHOULD LISTEN BETTER, HOW DO WE LEARN TO NOT BE, TO MOVE AWAY
FROM SORT OF THE GUT REACTION, THE NATURAL TENDENCY TO TELL OUR
LOVED ONES EVERYTHING IS OKAY? YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND
FUNNY. PART OF THE LEARNING IS
ADJUSTING OUR THINKING. WE HEAR ON ONE HAND WE HAVE A
BEHAVIORAL CRISIS, SUICIDES ARE RISING, WE HAVE A REASON TO BE
TERRIFIED, BUT ALSO, I BELIEVE IN MIND SET AND I HAVE STORIES
ABOUT MEDICAL STUDIES WHERE PEOPLE BELIEVE SOMETHING IS
HEALING AND IT IS BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THAT. I THINK HAVING THE BELIEF THAT
WE CAN DO SOMETHING AND WHAT WE CAN DO WILL WORK IS AN IMPORTANT
PART OF MAKING IT WORK. SO THAT'S SORT OF WHERE I COME
FROM TO SAY, YES, I WILL SIT WITH YOU IN YOUR HOUR OF
DISCOMFORT AND FEAR AND TERROR AND RESPECT THAT AND UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU HAVE THOSE FEELINGS AND ALSO WORKED TOWARD HOW DO WE
MAKE A PLAN FOR SELF-CARE AND WHAT DO WE DO WHEN FEELING LIKE
THIS AND BELIEVING THAT OUR INTERVENTIONS HELP AND WE CAN
MAKE A DIFFERENCE. YOU DESCRIBED YOUR SON'S
BEHAVIOR AND AS YOU NOTED AND THOSE AROUND HIM NOTED, THEY
SEEMED TYPICAL AND AGE APPROPRIATE FOR A TEENAGE BOY. RIGHT. I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE A
TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SOUL SEARCHING THE DETAIL OF THE
STORIES OF WHAT HAPPENED IN DAYS AND HOURS BEFORE, IT IS CLEAR
THAT YOU HAVE RUN THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW
MANY TIMES. HOW DO WE TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE NATURAL ANXIETY OF TEENAGE DEVELOPMENT AND WARNING
SIGNS THAT WARRANT A DIFFERENT KIND OF RESPONSE? IT IS DIFFICULT TO TELL THE
DIFFERENCE, THE IMPORTANCE OF THE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
COMES IN. RISKS OF SUICIDE MIGHT BE
TALKING ABOUT DEATH OR WRITING ABOUT DEATH. MANY TEENS DO THAT. IT COULD BE A CHANGE IN SLEEP OR
EATING PATTERNS, GROOMING, SLEEPING TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE. IT CAN BE WITHDRAWING OR
ISOLATING. USING SUBSTANCES, DRINKING TOO
MUCH. WELL ALL THESE ARE BEHAVIORS
THAT ARE COMMON IN ADOLESCENCE AND THE IMPORTANT PIECE IS
LEARNING HOW TO ASK THE QUESTIONS. I ASKED A PSYCH TRYST ONCE, HOW
DO YOU ASK A KID. HE SAID WHAT HE LIKED TO US,
TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS BUT THAT
CAUSES YOU PAIN. THEN HE SAID THE IMPORTANT THING
WHEN THEY START TO TALK, SHUT UP. JUST SAY TELL ME MORE ABOUT
THAT. LIKE, WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU
DON'T HAVE, YOU WISH YOU HAD THIS OR THAT. I GIVE YOU THAT. AS PARENTS, I WAS IN A STORE THE
OTHER DAY AND THE PARENT WAS ARGUING WITH THE TEENAGER, SHE
ASKED OH CAN I GET THAT NECKLESS, AND WHY DO YOU NEED
THE MATCHING EARRINGS? IT WAS SPIRALING OFF. WHEN I THINK ALL SHE HAD TO SAY,
REFLECTIVE LISTENING. YOU LIKE THAT WITH THE MATCHING
EARRINGS. TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT. YOU HAVE SPOKEN A LOT ABOUT
HOW PARENTS AND FAMILIES AND COMMUNITIES ENGAGE. THERE'S A WHOLE POLICY WORLD OUT
THERE THAT MAKE LOTS OF DECISIONS. YOU TALKED ABOUT THE LEGAL
ENVIRONMENT. ANY REFLECTIONS ON THE POLICY
GUIDANCE YOU HAD OFFERED TO THOSE WHO MADE OUR LAWS THAT
COULD BE HELPFUL. I HAVE A POLICY. I HAVE THINGS THAT I THINK ARE
IMPORTANT. I WILL SHARE ONE OF THEM. I BELIEVE RED FLAG LAWS ARE
IMPORTANT. THEY DISTANCE SOMEONE FROM
FIREARMS WHEN THEY ARE IN A CRISIS. YOU CAN GET A COURT ORDER TO
TEMPORARILY REMOVE FIREARMS FROM THEM IF THEY ARE DEEMED BY A
JUDGE TO BE A THREAT TO THEM OR SOMEONE ELSE. YOU HAVE TO HAVE POLICIES TO
BRING SANITY. THERE ARE MANY THINGS POLICY CAN
DO TO HELP PEOPLE WHO NEED IT WHEN THEY NEED IT, AND MAKE SURE
THEY GET THE RIGHT HELP. SUE, THANK YOU FOR SHARING
YOUR STORY FOR, FOR BEING BOLD ENOUGH TO STAND UP IN FRONT OF
ALL OF US AND SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE. IT IS ENLIGHTENING, IT IS
EMPOWERING FOR US AS I SUPPOSE IT IS FOR YOU AS WELL, VERY
GRATEFUL. THANK YOU, ALAN, AND THANK
YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE OPPORTUNITY. [APPLAUSE]
