15 Secrets to Confidence in Any Situation with Voice Coach Caroline Goyder #BeBoldForChange

hello everyone and welcome back to english with Lucy today I've got a very special guest this is Caroline Goyder hello and Caroline will put you like to introduce yourself what do you do I'm now a voice coach but for many years well if we go back to late 90's I was a petal teacher briefly you know I know this was very well I remember standing in front of my group of Argentinian students to teach them English and being utterly terrified being in the spotlight and now I teach people have to be in the spotlight yeah so today we wanted to talk to you about how to be more confident in different situations we've chosen five situations and we're going to tell you or Caroline's going to tell you how you can feel and sound and appear more confident and we're doing this to celebrate International Women's Day and their be bold for change campaign so what are you teaching english i was teaching in garages in Northwest poland was just fantastic but a very unlikely place to go after careful training i love you there was a poster on the wall in my personal school and I just went other jobs and so I went to Poland it was great i love Poland fantastic yeah I've never been to Poland I have quite a few polish subscribers so I'm sure they would love to hear you speak some polish and Obrecht specific about it but in one way I know that's natural yes yeah that's good that's like your process you know that's your drinking word yeah yeah evo is a good word abuse ok i'm not you know giving any first but I suppose I about you had a great time and and so what made you go into voice coaching then when I trained as an actor I went to drama school and that should be honest there wasn't a great actor he and i wanted to work in theater but I didn't want to act so i ended up training as a voice coach and by kind of mistake i found a job i really really love and one side trained as a voice coach I was like this is actually what i want to do for the rest of my life it's a great job but I fell into it really by mistake and how long have you been doing it now nearly 20 years wow that's quite a lot some experience that makes me feel very old the purpose and what I saw that you did a TED talk about confidence that actually how I found you and how did you get into doing a talk well again I mean so many things happened by accident I was coaching for TEDx in Brixton ok I'm the very brilliant curated there Stephanie said have you got a talking you and I said yeah I think so so I pitched talks which is how you get into TEDx they took it on i did it in 2014 and it had maybe three million views which is insane Wow congratulations thank you a lot of new Thank You youtube if so today we're going to talk about confidence in certain situations so we've chosen five situations for you we're going to talk about being confident at parties on dates in present patients in job interviews and on the telephone so I'm really excited about this video because so many of you have asked me to talk about presentations public speaking dating and now I thought someone extremely qualified next to me ready to share everything that you've learned throughout your career so let's talk about parties first and what what insight you have to share about feeling confident while meeting new people at party was so I learned a lot about this a few years back when I was interviewing a-list actors because I wrote a book which was talking to other sectors about confidence okay and i would go to people like Helen Mirren and say so tell me about confidence thinking that they knew things that they were confident they weren't none of them were me any one of the people who said she wasn't covered it with Helen Mirren surprise to me that yeah the most beautiful woman ever ok 3 right yeah and she said when I have to go to the party after show you know that actors go to the bar after show they have parties before Lord all that kind of thing so they get really really nervous ok and she had a great pit which is first thing you have to do is think about your body you know really relax your shoulders relax your breathing center your voice because she says I hate the way and this is a big one for women's day you know I hate the way that when we get noticed as women we kind of start screaming and shrieking and our voices go how she said Pete your voice nice and low and relax okay so i think that's a really good one hey relax relax your shoulders center your voice and then there are other tips there's a really good George Clooney one which also isn't you meet him no I wish I had the same thing and Johnny that we're the ones that got away he his thing when you meet people is that he imagines everybody he meets his old friend in the way he acts and speak for them yeah interesting and you can just picture his face can't you you know this that there are the muscles around their eyes that crinkle up when we with a friend yeah that it's called to share and smile and it just relaxes oh ok and try it really you don't close your eyes or what do you do you just imagine that you've bumped into an old friend and that you're talking to them and you let your brain chemistry do the rest is just think about smiling talking to an old friend and how you smile it that's it and then your face relaxes your boys relaxes you know if its brain chemistry and they think if I've never had a clip like that before so I'm gonna get that's number two and the third one I would say is as you walk through the door of the party just think i've only got to be there for five minutes ok and this was taught to me by someone who's a real into the and she said she was another actor and she said I used to really drag parties but if I it's like going to the gym you know i'm i'm not a great one for going to gym if I say to myself I'm only going 25 minutes when I get there I'm much more likely to stay cuz it's quite fun if he said hes i'm only going to go through five minutes and then you get there and you had a drink and you're enjoying yourself you're going to stay for a bit longer so just say even if you're dreading it i'm just going to stay for five minutes then find someone to talk to them as if they're an old friend and keep your shoulders relaxed and you'll be fine and your voice nothing that was not know those green yeah that's okay i think when i'm on camera I probably see with a much lower voice and when i'm meeting new people for the first time I would definitely say it goes up a couple of times so i won't be out i'll be aware of that but that's ok so another big question I get is about dating and this came up recently because i made a video about how to say dates in English and a lot of people are excited thinking about going to teach them about dating but actually i was speaking about numerical dates so how can you be more confident was meeting someone maybe for the first time or even the second time on a date so I asked a friend of mine who is brilliant dating and I said what is it that you do and she said well actually it's something that you told me and I was surprised by that and she said you taught me years ago and this is another acting tip that when you meet someone and you're on a date what you have to do is think this is alyssa the real active fit you have to think I'm beautiful someone loves me i have a secret so the three things three things you have to think to yourself I'm beautiful because it kind of gives us a little spot you know the dates out there days when you're not feeling that just gives you a kind of sparkle someone loves me which gives you his brain chemistry again it gives you a kind of warmth and a presence and I have a secret give you a bit of a twinkle can actually have to have a secret it helps okay but I don't think it was because I should have the WikiLeaks level just you know something at or active to talk about naughty sword and not a 15-foot that's a good one to have a cousin of their family work is that a twinkle in the eyes and it just she said it just gives me a presence when I'm dating or you know she's going to parties as well that makes her shine and that makes people it seems that your fun person to talk to where is so often in our head we've got a kind of invoices say means that definitely we all do we all have it before i go out for a date I don't date much but when i do i would look at myself in the mirror before handing thing or that's not right and maybe he won't find me funny but I guess I think about all the good things first exactly and recognize those and I this relates to another activity that someone taught me which is that if you're worrying about how it might go wrong don't do that worried about what it'll be like when it goes right so if you visualize themselves on the date having fun laughing looking really relaxed getting on with each other you're gonna walk into the room much more relaxed and that sets a really good cycle up so it's keeping yourself positive and only thinking about the positive part ok it's the inner game begin again they think there's a married woman ok what makes a good data though I'm concerned for your friend if you go in a lot or just need to do the few very well she doesn't feel very well I could get it yes hello so what about number three or number three is that you know when we're on a date we feel like we have two talkin talkin talkin talkin talkin actually you don't mind I'd say the best places are people who have really good asking questions and then listening I imagine and that's the real introverts it i mean i'm an introvert and if i go to a party I'm not dating anymore but if i go to a party and I meet people and I'm feeling shy I kissed offload the questions I think that's something i dont teaching because i used to run conversation classes and you just have the shyest students but once you start asking them about themselves they feel important and then suddenly they've got a lot say so i guess that's good to avoid if you have an awkward silence which is what we dread most in dating really and meeting new people asking from having a set of good questions prepared probably partly yes i think if you have two or three stars the question is yes then really listen and just a great follow-up questions so if they say I really love till they are great where you going to Seville and it's and then if they say well as a great cut fastball you know tell you that type of another had it you just you just follow the thread of the conversation and you just turn what they say into another great question and then you show your engaged and that you've been listening which is important because sometimes you're having a conversation with someone and you can see that is glazed over and for that that's horrible yet so where it can and it will kill any spark so having to really listen because you're going to ask the great follow-up question is really powerful because they feel that they have that connection wonderful thank you for those Clips so next I'd like to ask you about public speaking and giving a presentation because a lot of my subscribers are at university or they were in jobs where they'll have to present the big group of people in a second language within really really tough because public speaking I find it difficult in my own language and doing in a second or even third language is tough but do you have any tips for my subscribers that I mean that is really hard it as you say public speaking is bad enough and doing in a language where you don't feel faith where you don't feel that if you go wrong you can escape is really scary yeah so the things i always say that people are firstly if you're doing it in a language that's not your first you've got to practice twice as much so when I talk to clients about rehearsing presentation are safe and take your phone find voice notes on your phone and record it now that little kid I really go with because I when I think in my second language which is Spanish I will record myself and then I listen back to it and I would know she know the mistakes that i didn't realize i made at the time and also you get to know better but I feel a natural inclination to avoid practicing is that when you feel as well that that line that's perfectly right after the surface we we don't want to practice because it its kind of owner roast it feels a bit unpleasant we don't like hearing our voices but you really it's like it is like going to the gym again you know if you want to get fit you really have to get out there and go for a run its like before you go for around you just have to motivate yourself to put the recorder on and practice and as you say when you practice you hear what's working you hear what's not and you learn it and so I say clients who are English practice it three times like that it's important if english isn't your first language I'd say you probably need to practice it six times for it to feel ok on the day yeah can we have something practice it kind of just comes out more evenly so I really agree with that one what about kit number 2 tip number two is that you've got to get the body relaxed and prepared so that's what i call getting rusty what makes everything that explains everything and roundly the butterflies have to fly in formation so you know in English we say that you the best that you get butterflies in your stomach yes that's a great idiom if we're nervous and you feel that funny feeling in your tummy we we call it having butterflies so you're saying that we need to get our butterflies information like the red arrows like me you know that the planes that fly in formation so you need to take hold of those outside and channel them into something positive exactly ok because the idea is I mean is it for performance as well said you know anybody who's on state that adrenaline is actually a really good thing good adrenaline in the feeling that I hate those nerves before a first date I can't stand it cannot normally quite confident person and I guess the feeling of feeling really nervous and and the slide I don't like what you're saying that it's a positive it's a good thing ok so and that so human at everybody feels nervous right aight taking them and going ok i'm feeling these butterflies this is a feeling of my power because i'm going to stand on stage and speak and it's also feeling of excitement because it's it's a kind of alertness the adrenaline it's making he's going to make you perform better as long as you don't say oh no here it comes now the way that performers and athletes still to do this is it's a lot about how you ground yourself and how you breathe i'd say to anybody you know before you do something like a speech don't spend three hours checking your email or playing a game you know do something calming yoga go for run go for a swim sit quietly dedicated that few things create calm because then when the adrenaline hits your state has come and so then you channel it if we're wired if we've had four cups of coffee and we'll talk to all our friends on the phone and we've answered or emails and we've watched that you know all of that we're not going to handle the adrenaline forget quiet get into the body and then you'll be alright when the butterflies his you'll get them flying in formation wonderful okay and what about the third tip then the final tip is when you walk out onstage you know when you face the audience you have to see them as old friends so it's a bit like the gorge community tip and what I do when I have an audience's i'll spend a little bit of time at the beginning before before the show goes up as it were before the show starts before I speak i'll go and talk to people in the audience and i'll find out for maybe three people what they want what why have they come today what are they interested in if I can't do that i'll actually asked the audience on stage does anybody have any questions I saw you do this in your TED talk and I thought it was a really interesting thing to do because i haven't seen anyone else do it before and so that's interesting to know the reasoning behind it and how did it make you feel when you when you speak to the people so for me as an introvert what's scary is feeling that everybody's looking at me about the horrible feeling that if I'm curious about the audience if I'm thinking how can I help the audience get what they want I'm not thinking about me anymore and then I'm in what's called a flow state ok and then it's just by having a chat is like are sitting here now having a chat that's how you want to be on stage it just happens there's a thousand people in front of you and if you if you spoken to fear of those people you have a sense of why they're there and then you forget yourself and you have a you have a role in a purpose not being onstage look at me i couldn't speak if I thought it was about me but when I stepped up for the tedx it wasn't about me it was about helping the audience get something useful wonderful thank you for those i think those ones are particularly useful especially for me because public speaking is something that and having to do more and more nowadays I get my first panel the other day and I just found it that everyone was old timer on it and I was the first new person and I did find a little bit traumatic and I definitely could have channeled my adrenaline in my butterflies much more efficiently goes running the other something beforehand Stefan good idea that i went for the coffee don't have the coffee no audit the coffee green tea and around yes not the water there for her right so another thing I get a lot of people are studying English they're trying to get exams to then be able to get a job so they want the English qualification to then be able to get a better job and obviously they'll have to do a chilled interview so that's something i get asked about quite a lot do you have any tips for those people yes and I spent quite a lot of time with people thinking about job interviews because they're horrible out later we're just so evil so there are there are tips and tricks to help you get over that feeling of being watched because i think the first thing to save you are you know in a job interview you really are being observed absolutely never getting where it is if which is quite hideous feeling so you firstly just have to get yourself nice and calm and centered mhm and I think there's something again before you walk into the room I think about not how am I looking at what is it that they're looking for and visit an axis tip around when you walk into the room just try and help them find the right person for the job or find the right person for the course you know you are helping them make a choice it's not about a judgment on you it's about helping them think clearly and it's when you flip your attention hours on to what they're trying to do it takes you into compassion it takes you out of help everybody's looking at me everybody's judging me after you came to your perspective slightly yes i like that definitely because you know you might not be the right person for the job and that's okay and do something you have to accept and and that might make rejection and little bit easier as well i always think if there's somebody I like and they don't like me back i always trying to think well it wouldn't have worked anyway because there wasn't the right person so if we apply that to the job interview since you're remembering yeah and that improve improve your confidence going forward exactly so what about tip number two then so breathing is really important interview breathing yet yep because what you know you get a horrible question don't you think it's the moment when someone asks you a really horrible question the Western for me would be described your weakness of the floor that question but they asked all the time they want to see how you respond so you think I should breathe remember to breathe now okay so how you breathe is important because what most of us do when a really horrible question comes we kind of go with breathe here we go and it's a bit extreme that but there's a kind of chest breath is happening yeah that breath is not helping you what you want to do is breathe into your back so if you notice your back ribs just kind of feel your back ribs and notice that if you breathe out through a little kind of blowing out birthday candles breath and then wait for the breath in and just make it happen yeah breathing into the back exactly softer it's karma and it relaxes your shoulders relaxing you and it's making you seem calm under pressure which is when people give you a job because you seemed calm under pressure so breathe into your back and the tip the secret tip is imagine a lovely smell i move okay luckily smell great haha that's always useful to go sorry guys you can't smell her but not lately right so what about the third kit then the third tip is a very famous when it comes from that one of the economics editors on BBC radio today immunity for radio today which had breakfast show on BBC radio 4 which is worth listening to and the guy dad he was economics editor is a chapel Simon Jack and I asked him for the second book which is called gravitas what he sees in good CEO's that he interviews when they come on air on radio 4 and he said the thing they all do is they set out there still went through question they don't look straight into it they'll say something like so Simon three points oh ok so they're kind of introduce say what they're going to say and then say it in an ordered manner exactly I i get in a bit of a panic I'll try and get as much information as I possibly can to try to appear knowledgeable about the topic topic but you're saying it's better to just prioritize example order okay i mean if the question you then you probably don't have to do this but it is when the questions tricky and you go into brain freeze yeah it's that moment as three things and it forces you to structure and so you need that breath because I think about the order as well so tip 2 and 3 go together quite nicely organized exactly ok very interesting right been asked topic they were going to cover today is talking on the telephone because my students really really struggle with listening in english and i always want to do their example sure you seen as well speaking will be quite high reading and writing we really high listening is always a bit of a struggle on and it's because you can't read the net you can't read the body language and so and then also the voice on the telephone gets a bit distorted so how can my students feel more confident on the telephone because it's an essential part of life it will go hard only that whole thing that we can't see the other person you can't see their reaction so you don't know whether they like what you're saying it's tricky and add the first pick for causes another active and it was an actress called animasi he's no longer with her she's died sadly she said when I on the phone to someone I picture them sitting on a sofa it like this you know sitting at home and even if I haven't met them I imagine what they look like okay and it's a nice imagination if it helps you kind of change into that person be curious and I do this even with corporate clients if I'm talking to someone i imagine where they're sitting you know what they're wearing what they might look like for the eye I engage with them as a real person rather than this strange disembodied voice the visualize the person you're talking through the first one okay I like that and then you can kind of imagine their body language anyway and try and listen to the voice and work out what they're what they're feeling and response to your what you're saying exactly forces us to really pay attention which is nice yes they didn't miss anything so the second tip is more of a speaking tips in a way because it's something that partly comes from my careful teaching you know years ago with that one of the things that when we're speaking English you know something i think you talked about as well that helps us as listeners its emphasis ok and the iambic English has what's called really an iambic pentameter which is like Hamlet yeah you know if you think it to be or not to be that is the question there's a kind of dee-dum dee-dum didn't render down yeah and lots of languages of you know you know spanish doesn't have that is a different kind of rhythm so when you're speaking on the phone if you really hit the nouns and verbs in particular the meaning words you give them a little bit of punch you can actually punch the words you're talking if they can't see you so hi my name is Caroline you know we're going to be talking about emphasis i'm hitting with my hands the important words if they're on the phone they were no just as long as they don't forget they're on a skype call ya don't sweat this but I was like me with my podcast for the day really embarrassing moment i was on a podcast interview and I thought it was just audio so I was that they're in my dressing gown my bathrobe until I reread the email 10 minutes before and realized it was being filmed so very embarrassing modern life yet but luckily I wasn't pointing out the web but I should I should do that from the telephone if they're on the telephone you can do anything you very much great and what's your final tip and final tip today actually the fireplace the finances of today is if you are nervous about it cool if you need to make a great impression stand up and up ok i always see my dad doing and my dad is a the managing director neither with mark around the house on the phone I thought it was because he has a bad knee but maybe it's because it makes me feel more confident it's powerful and maybe the bad news as well but it's also you know its powers up your voice it's easier to have thousands when you're standing it gives you more energy to help you feel more relaxed it helps you breathe and it basically sound better simply okay yeah i actually find myself naturally wanting to stand up and go and look out of a window or something on a telephone yeah I can see that working the final tweet to that which is what voiceover artists through you know if you have anything over a movie like saying or something gesture so they'll be standing in a voiceover studio and they they go crazy with gesture because what they know is that gesture orchestrates the information of the voice so if my hands are high my voice goes is my hands and my voice goes low so stand up hold that they receive it to one here will get yourself on speakerphone and wave your arms about and you will to match what you're saying not just randomly but it will give you more power more energy and you'll be easier to listen to wonderful really really good tip thank you very much and actually for anyone who wants to take their telephone English that further Caroline have got an audio course all about having confident for speaking on the telephone and it's absolutely free so if you're interested in that then there is the link in the description box and you can check this out well Caroline it was a pleasure to have you on today thank you so much I feel like I've that late i hope you guys have learned a lot as well if you're interested in hearing more from Caroline and all of her information and social media is in the description box and you can also go and look at her TED talk which has three million views now amazing she's beat me on the View for that was that so yes thank you very very much for being my guest my day thank you and remember be bold for chains and make a change in your life and be more confident don't forget to connect with me on all of my social media I've got my facebook on my Instagram and I will see you soon for another lesson by not the first off that thank you

Channel: English with Lucy

Views: 1,605,650

Keywords: 15 confidence tips, 15 confidence secrets, how to be confident, international womens day, beboldforchange, be bold for change, ted talk, tedx caroline, ted confidence, caroline goyder, gravitas method

Id: S0325A8-_A4

Length: 28min 52sec (1732 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 10 2017