12 Conversation Killers People Won't Tell You - DON'T SAY THIS! | Go Natural English

Today we were talking about 12 ways that you might be ruining your Conversations and how to fix them. So no one's going to tell you. Hey, you're really killing the Conversation. Could you stop doing what you're doing? I mean it's very unlikely, so I want to share some Crowd-sourced ideas. I asked a bunch of my friends for all of the ways. They could think of how people ruin everyday conversations in English So whether you are a native English speaker or learning English, this is going to help you to have more Positive conversations and I think establish better connections with people better Relationships and that's what it's all about. I would love for you to tell me in the comments as you're watching this Which of these points do you think is the worst for me the worst are number five? Number seven and her 12 and I'll tell you why just keep watching Also if you can add any Conversation killers any ways that you think that people often just ruin conversations? Please share them in the comments. And if it is your first time here, well, then welcome to go natural English I'm Gabby Wallace an American English teacher and I love Helping you have better English conversations to connect with people and express yourself fluently number one Thinking about what you are going to say next as opposed to being a good active listener You might get stuck in this trap where you really want to sound good you want to say something interesting? but if you're thinking while the other person is talking you're not actually hearing them and Everyone really wants to be heard. We want to know the other person is interested in what we're saying and so if you are not an active listener if you're constantly Thinking about what you are going to say when it's your turn to talk Other person is going to feel that so I made a whole Video about how to be a great active listener and I'll share that at the end of this video But just know that it's better to be a good listener. You're gonna have better conversations Then if you're always thinking about what you are going to say number two Pretending you understand what the other person said when you don't I know it happens to me too where you're in a conversation And you think maybe you understood what they said. So you're like, uh-huh. Uh-huh You just nod your head and agree, but then you're like wait what did they say and it is is a really fast way to kill the conversation because if you're not sure what they said then It's almost impossible to make a good follow up question or to share your opinion about what they said So it's totally normal to not catch 100% of the conversation if you don't just ask you just say hey What did you say or where did you mean by number? Three small talk all The time so small talk is great. It's a great way to start a conversation but after a few minutes most people want to go to a deeper level of conversation to get to know you better or They would like to move on to talk to someone else So a small talk would just be surface level maybe talking about things that are not so revolutionary or insightful or thoughtful or personal talking about the weather talking about some sports events that just happen I mean, these are great topics for small talk again But it's great to have some questions in your toolbox in your minds to go deeper So there are some great questions that you can use in a lot of different situations. So, what are you working on? What are you excited about? and so I love these questions because they allow the other person to really Just share what they would like to and I have a lot more Questions to help you get into deep conversation inside my audio ebook the English fluency formula So these are just some examples that I've included inside the e-book as well number four when you just can't respond fast Enough, even if you have something in your head to say you want to share your opinion you want to share some experience But you just can't seem to formulate the right phrase or think of the right vocabulary word in the moment It's so frustrating. I know I've been there and this is especially hard if you're speaking a second language so my friends Tommy who is an English speaker learning Spanish said I just always respond with CC because I can't think of how to make a full sentence yet And so let me share with you If you are speaking a second language that you don't feel very fluent in yet Use fillers like well or um use them sparingly But they can help you to buy time Another phrase you could use is let me think or how do you say or? Yes, I have something to say about that And while you're using these fillers or these phrases that help you buy time you can think about what you really want to say number five a One-sided conversation. Don't just talk about yourself. It's great to share. It's great to you know be able to Share your life and about yourself but if you notice the other person has stopped responding or stopped showing their interest and their eyes are getting Glazed over and they're falling asleep. It might be time to ask them a question about Themselves. So keep some questions in your mental toolbox that you can ask anybody. You know, like I mentioned what are you excited about or even a simple question that people always ask what do you do or How about you so whatever you shared you can ask the other person. How about you so if you find yourself answering other people's questions But not asking questions about themselves. You might be a one-sided conversationalist so think of some questions Even if they're simple ones that you can use to bounce conversation back to the other person number 6 huge leaps changing the topic in a completely illogical manner this kind of feels like you're just stealing the energy of the Conversation to redirect it to talk about something that you want to talk about But it feels like maybe you weren't interested in what the other person was saying Sometimes you have to change the topic, but it's better. It's more natural. It's more flowing if you can gently guide the conversation from topic to topic maybe asking a follow-up question related to the topic that you are talking about or introducing a new topic by sharing something related to the first topic or asking a question to introduce a new topic or Sharing something that you experienced or you thought to introduce a new topic You can also use transition words or if you really want to change the topic to something completely different consider using a phrase like I know this is Totally unrelated but or okay, this is random But I have to say or I have to ask Ok, these phrases can make a big difference and making the other person feel more comfortable because you're guiding the conversation To a logical place and it doesn't feel like a shock It's like if you're talking about basketball and then you start talking about your favorite food It's like there's no relation and it just kills the conversation number seven. One of my big ones is complaining So if you have something to say that you're not happy about that's fine But make sure it's not all the time that you're not talking in a negative way or Complaining or putting things down people down ideas down all the time if everything that comes out of your mouth is like a reason why People should not do something or a reason against something or talking badly or poorly about someone really check yourself here because other people don't Enjoy that kind of feeling that comes from complaining and talking in a night Fashion instead of complaining all the time Try finding something positive that you could share with someone and it leaves people with a more positive energy When they talk to you and therefore, they'll want to talk to you more if you are contributing positive ideas compliments they will enjoy talking with you more doesn't mean that you always have to be positive or that you can't express a Dislike or a negative opinion just keep things in balance and sometimes it's better to not say anything bad Than to continue to complain number 8 is kind of related to complaining and being negative is being critical about other people's ideas So if someone shares their idea with you Maybe they have an idea for a new app or a new business or something that they're gonna try a new hobby Instead of immediately telling them why it won't work or why it's a bad idea, or maybe hey somebody else already thought of that They're already doing it. Just try asking a question Just try being more curious and asking them about their idea because they obviously want to talk about it They're obviously excited about it if they're sharing it with you so give them that opportunity to share with you and ask them a few questions to express their idea more fully and then Only if and when they actually ask for your opinion or if you say hey Do you mind if I share my experience or my ideas then you might share maybe some words of caution with them number nine Joking all the time. So jokes are fun. I love comedy But if you can't have a serious conversation, or if you can't answer a serious question If you're just always joking It can be really annoying know when joking is appropriate and when it's not you also just don't want to be joking all The time like if someone just wants some information or your true opinion They don't want to guess all the time if you're joking or not. This happens a lot with sarcasm, too don't overuse star kasim as a way to be funny or Like a fun person sarcasm can be fun sometimes but if you overuse it then it just kills the conversation numbers and one-upping instead of being happy for someone when they share their achievements or something that they're proud of you feel the need to Share something that you've done that's even better even more impressive bigger and better and this is just not a very positive feeling for the other person, you know, they're trying to Really feel good about what they have accomplished and you should allow them to do that, you know congratulate them. Ask them questions about their achievements actually the person who helps others to celebrate themselves, I think is the bigger better more positive and more fun person to talk to So even if you've accomplished a lot and you'd love to share that just allow other people to have the spotlight sometimes and you know, you can always share your accomplishments later when the conversation has shifted there number eleven oversharing do not share about your medical issues right away do not share about mental health issues right away If you have just met the person of course You can talk about these things and you should talk about these things with a doctor a therapist your family your close friends But if you're at let's say a professional networking event Nobody wants to hear about how what you ate for lunch is giving you stomach issues so do not share your bodily issues with someone that you've just met it's a turn-off it kills the conversation people don't want to talk about things that are unpleasant like that and they will Just move on. They won't want to keep talking with you. Try talking about it in a more general non Descriptive way if you're not feeling well after lunch just say I'm not feeling well after lunch Nobody needs the details If you are telling your teacher that you are sick and can't make it to class Don't email her an email about what happened in the bathroom. This has happened to me guys. It's not necessary We don't need to know instead you can Keep it general and nondescript or change the topic, you know Ask someone a question about themselves not about their bodily functions or mental illness but just shift the conversation to something more pleasant and socially acceptable and number 12 one of my Favorite ways to ruin a conversation is talking about religion or politics. This is like a two-for-one I remember I really wanted to have a self-care day a relaxing day So I went to a spa and I was getting a facial I had A mask on and the woman was like working on my skin and then she started asking me what do you think about? Politics in the u.s. You know, do you? support the president and I was just so sad that she brought up politics when you know I was trying to relax and I felt like it wasn't a really Enjoyable experience anymore because I didn't want to talk about politics I just really didn't if you're in this kind of situation where you don't want to talk about religion or politics There are several really? Amazing phrases that you can use to politely get yourself out of that topic or out of that conversation whether you want to change the topic and continue talking to that person or Whether you want to politely end the conversation and move on to talk to somebody else so I'm gonna share 10 top phrases that you can use to politely Change the topic or end a conversation in next Wednesday's videos So make sure that you subscribe here to go natural English So you don't miss that video next week on Wednesday 10 a.m Eastern Standard Time now just going back to number 1 about active listening You need to watch this video right over Here next that will teach you all the phrases you need to know to show your interest to be engaged in a conversation Even without speaking a single word. Thanks again laughs bye for now

Channel: Go Natural English with Gabby Wallace

Views: 112,136

Keywords: conversation tips, english conversation, how to have better conversations, simple tips for better conversations, english conversation lesson, english lesson, esl lessons intermediate, native english, how to have a fluent conversation in english, go natural english, gabby wallace, learn english, psychology tricks, english fluency, 12 Conversation Killers and Simple Ways to Improve Them, Improve Conversation, social skills, don't say, conversation killers

Id: 1rFckOLg7a4

Length: 15min 26sec (926 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 17 2019