100 Things - What's on Your List? | Sebastian Terry | TEDxAsburyPark

[Applause] g'day how are you very well thanks for asking um in case of an emergency oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling please put yours on first before helping others they say this on a lot of planes nowadays you can probably tell from my accent I flew here from Texas and on on that flight uh I listened as well and and I thought about it because it's sort of suggesting that being selfish is an important part of being self less and the more I think about that the more I think that's kind of mirroring the journey that I'm on at the moment my emergency happened when I was 24 years old by that time I'd finished high school and I had no idea what I wanted to do so my career advisor said go and get a degree at university so I did three and a half years later I came out the other end on graduation day everyone threw their hats in the air I was nineteen and a half thousand dollars in debt by the way and they were stoked but I was really lost I thought why doesn't this mean anything to me I felt very unfulfilled so I became instantly curious about what was important in life my reaction was to backpack around the world and so I did going from various countries to various continents as I'm sure most of us here have done and I finished I guess I stopped very suddenly when I was 24 years old in Canada I received a phone call late one night from a friend of mine back in Sydney where I am from and he broke the news to me that one of my good friends a guy called Chris guy grew up where the guy played rugby where they drank plenty of beers where they surfed with Chris had very tragically and suddenly passed away overnight the news rocked a community back home in Sydney on the northern beaches and of course it rocked me in Canada and not knowing what to do I began just asking a lot of questions the typical questions why am I here what am i doing whatever it is I am doing am i doing that well and the more I thought about that the less clarity I had in any of it but there was a hypothetical that popped into my head at the same time and it was quite simply this if Chris somehow had the foresight to know that he only had 24 years on the planet would he have lived the same way or given another chance would he change everything ultimately was he happy and I thought about this I didn't get the opportunity to ask him of course but he loved the beaches he loved his maids he loved his family he loved team sport he loved having a beer love being a big kid rightly or wrongly by anyone else's code Chris lived a life that reflected his values I don't think he would have changed anything a life far too short but well lived I then considered that same question but for myself at 24 in Canada and I simply asked well today was my last day and I look back my life up into this point did I live in a way that I'm really happy about that really reflected my values did I live in a way that I'm so proud of or if I got another chance would I change everything and after a moment's consideration I just realized I change everything I wasn't happy I didn't know my values I didn't know what I was passionate about I didn't know myself I was unhappy but I was also alive and I thought well I've got a second chance here as long as we breathing we do so I got a piece of paper and a pen and I just began jotting down things that I thought would make me smile things that I thought would maybe allow me to experience the world in a different way and that was the only rationale one thing turned into ten to twenty to fifty sure enough there were a hundred things on this bit of paper and as I was looking at it I thought well if I'm gonna prioritize my happiness I think that's an important thing I'm just gonna drop everything in my life to pursue this list and so I did and you'll judge me and that's fine but I flew to Las Vegas because I'd always wanted to marry a stranger there it's it's completely legal in your country which is great so I long story short I I met her an exotic dancer mud wrestling I proposed to her her name was crystal she said yes she wasn't going anything the next day is what she told me so I then found a quaint wedding chapel with the say I do wedding drive-thru with the stretch Hummer and an Elvis impersonator and it was all going so well until of course someone crucial to the ceremony didn't turn up that was Crystal Eye bride-to-be and I don't know why you're laughing that's a sad part of the talk so I looked out at the crowd and I thought well I'm gonna have to create an opportunity here that's why I just basically pleaded my said is there anyone else here you'd consider marrying me please and would you believe there was her name was Chevalley she was receptionist of my hostel my hotel and she would always wanted to marry someone for one day as well she's just waiting for the right person and that was me so she hopped on top we got married Elvis elbers was fantastic with a very awkward moment when he asked us to kiss because it was the first and the very last time that we ever touched and he say that's I know what you're wondering and the answer is no he didn't so this was kind of a tick from my list and take away all the materialistic elements for a second conceptually something happened that was really important far more important than a wedding to a stranger I'd achieved plenty of things in my life we all have but for me at least there were typically things that other people had set down for me a degree to go traveling overseas these are the things we're expected to do this was the first thing forgetting what it actually was this is just something that I'd identified myself and I went through the process of getting there and by doing it I felt immediately empowered I felt in control of my life I just felt happy and I thought well if that's the case with just one item I'm gonna pursue my entire list and that's what I've done of course it's I being over nine years after 72 things have raised about $400,000 of various charities somehow I'm not sure how I'm not in control of this journey but whatever you call it don't call it a bucket list that's so death centric do things before you die this is really just a vehicle I'm discovering for me to consider who I am and try and work that out I think this is really about purpose I think we should all be living Purpose Driven lifestyles and everything we do professionally personally etc I think it allows us to grow we should always be growing why would we ever just want to be as we are now we should be growing and of course connection is crucial community but what I found out at 24 is that I had never connected with myself and I think that's kind of where this story starts I think a really important way for me to kind of work out who I am as I discovered was to get out of my comfort zone that moment like I am now my parents are quite sweaty I'm nervous some of you are laughing which is awesome some of you aren't I can see you it's awkward but I I kind of like that because I think I've become a better person somehow or was what I tell myself anyway so number 98 from my list was to get onto a red carpet I'm not rich I'm not famous I don't belong there in that lies the challenge so I googled red carpet events the first one that popped up was the Khan Film Festival and I researched that so world's most heavily attended media event and I thought great they'll have an epic red carpet so I just went to the South of France with one intention but no plan get on to the red carpet this is what happened essentially I try to get media accreditation which they laughed at because I shouldn't have had meet your accreditation it also there was movements this never happens this scene is very very sort of lengthened try to get media accreditation it didn't work I ended up renting a suit and shoes I don't really wear shoes so I got this suit and my last kind of go at getting onto the red carpet having asked people for dates people do you have a plus one or just getting rejected the last thing I could do was crawl under the fence and if you imagine this is the road I just imagined that I had an earpiece which seemed important and I just sort of stroll across the road like this and I was so out of my comfort zone I was I was sweating my heart was pounding really hard on the inside of my ribs and halfway across I thought well I could get you know in prison I don't know if this is legal I could get tasered none of that happened I kept on walking and I got to the final barrier to the final security guard who separated me from the red carpet and he said something to me and I was petrified and I just looked at his feet and I just mumbled something that wasn't very audible and for whatever reason he just opened up his arm and behind him was this red carpet and I remember seeing it in front of me and I thought wow I'm here and I put my right foot on there I wasn't wrestled or tasered and I put my left foot on there and I was just left to wander around on my own accord for 30 minutes in that moment the moment I touched the red carpet I was euphoric I was elated I felt such a sense of satisfaction that to me I was the most successful person that's ever graced their planet and you're laughing which is good I'm not of course but it was important to me for whatever my reasons were and if you cast your mind back to the last time that you did something that was important to you you know that feeling that's purpose mixed in with a bit of passion it's all of those wonderful things that we try and be and it's just actioning that and I think that's the feeling that really keeps this world spinning so what's interesting for me is this I've achieved plenty of things as I said we all have you don't really care about a red carpet neither should you the only person who has to care is me and thankfully I do but if you take a step back from that for a moment why was it that I had to face a loss in my life for me to consider something lighter something important why do we hear that narrative so often in our community our society in the world someone almost loses their life or someone loses someone close to them and they're the people that you then hear of who go and climb a mountain write a book start a family learn to juggle play music Asbury Park why is it that we have to have a dark moment consider a light moment I speak to many people have done incredible things and as we as I'm sure we all have in the room and the one thing that stands out above all the others is this permission it's not because they're lucky it's not because they're brave it's because they've given themselves permission to consider what they want to do to consider themselves to consider their values their principles to consider life and the unknown I think in those moments if you really give it consideration you end up coming up with some kind of list things that you realize are important to yourself and these people who have done these incredible things then all talk about choice they just chose to pursue it life is about choice you chose to be here people didn't choose to be here I think you choose to be happy you choose to be unhappy choose to be successful you choose to be unsuccessful the video chooses to play or it chooses not to life is about choice and I'm certain that we are entirely accountable for what we do in our lives we are not in the passenger seat we're in the driver's seat and if I'm right I could be wrong but let's just entertain the idea that I might be right essentially I'm saying you can do what you want you just have to know what you're passionate about and so the question therefore of course is what's on your list think about this professionally or personally within the community we're all so different it's a relative concept that's the beauty of it can be something that scares you could be something that comforts you could be financially driven emotional physical it doesn't actually matter the only thing is that you know and if you're sat there right now and I'm either hearing my question which is what's on your list and you know fantastic if not why not why not so it's interesting I talk about my list and it's almost kind of selfish really some straight self-indulgent things that I've done that's all I really spoken about so far but thankfully this journey has changed that question started again I suppose it began to become very popular my story was turned into a book and TV and I get to speak around the world about lots of beautiful things that I've done etc but the best part is it's been a catalyst for other people to reach out people I don't know and say hey this is what I've done this is what's on my list this is what I've able to this is what I've been able to help other people achieve and that to me shows that there's we're all dreamers we all want to do stuff we're just looking for a catalyst to really inspire or motivate motivate us to do it and I think that's what 100 things has become its kind of catalyst for people to dream and to then achieve and it's the ripple effect is I don't even know how far it's gone but I know it's done some good so I changed my website immediately as soon as I realized that this story wasn't about me it was about the greater good my site change into an online community where everyone of course shares their sites their their lists their goals their dreams and my life completely changed when I met a guy called mark mark saw me on TV back home in Australia I'm a huge deal there and I'm alright and he said I saw on TV and I've got a list of 150 things would you come to Melbourne and shave my head so I did I went to Melbourne I shaved marks head very easy but I got to know mark in that in those moments that we spent together a Mark's a quadriplegic wasn't always this way 32 went backpacking overseas degrees and got bitten by a tick and contracted Lyme disease and within a very short amount of time lost the ability to to move the muscle in his body he can't talk can he's a ventilator to sleep at 92 24-hour care team he can't really leave his facility but I saw in his eyes how happy he was how spoke to you was when suddenly he had no hair so simple I had never felt that good either because my journey up until this point was all about me and so I looked at him and I said mate I can do more than just shave your head what else is there on your list and he mumbled something to his carer and this carer said Oh marks always wanted to complete a half marathon and I looked at mark in his heavy wheelchair and I'm quite slow on the uptake and I said what uh okay it's great how can I help and Mark looked at me and it was the first thing that I understood him say ever and it was two words push me and it is sort of quite funny right so simple though and so powerful the most amazing change happened in my life at that moment I couldn't think of anything other than wanting to help mark didn't tell him that I hate running I hate running but I signed us up for the Melbourne half marathon and then after training very quickly for a number of months the best thing I've ever done happened and it was this [Music] I suggest [Music] we murder we were slow take me wrong that we I mean we could just move past this step if you imagine us finishing the race that's what happened but the the powerful thing about it was we started just a few of us and by the end of the race we were completely surrounded by strangers who were all helping us push mark along and it was the most powerful and beautiful thing I've ever been involved with mark and I have become really good friends you got a sense of humor Mark's list has grown and grown and grown he's got tattoos on his legs that he can't move he's done a nude bike race that was important to him for whatever he's a think I'm crazy you should see Matt but this idea of helping has stuck with me I've never felt as good as I did at the end of that race the best thing I've ever done in my life was help someone first me and then somebody else I do believe that's the way it has to happen since that moment I've been very fortunate to to help a lot of people but as I said it couldn't have happened without I think this kind of this analogy I put my oxygen mask on and then I'm able to help others selfish true selfishness I think is this idea that you you have your oxygen mask in you recline in order a cocktail on your fly it the selflessness is having your mask on being okay checking in and then distributing and that's where this journeys gone since mark I'm approached by people all over the world who need help in some way shape or form and I thought well what could be more important than this so I essentially stopped my list and now I travel around the world helping people not financially I have no money but in other ways in other ways just with time or care or consideration I've helped people like Mark were disabled I've helped able-bodied people I've helped people who have no money I help people who have had plenty of money I've helped people who are on the brink of taking their own life and now they're flourishing because they've started their own list it's plentiful it's beautiful but the problem it got turned into a TV show by the way but the problem with it is for as glorified as that sounds for every one person I help there are ten or a hundred or thousand others that I don't help that's an issue for me and I wasn't sure how to solve this so I then started to receive emails from people saying well hey the same people by the way who started their list on my site would say hey we've seen that you helping people we want to help people do you know anyone and I had this idea signified by a giant light bulb and I thought well if I put all these people who want to help on one side and then I've got all these people on the other who need help well I should just connect them directly take out the middleman and that's what I'm doing I'm living now in America I came over here because I had this dream of creating an online platform to introduce people who need help to people who can help and a peer to peer level and it's as simple as that I think you could change the world you may never hear of it I don't know but all I do know is that I'm passionate about it and that's the important thing I've taken time to understand what I need to do the result I'm not so fixated on but I believe if it does work it could change the world I'll leave you with this story operation snow bunny this just speaks to the idea that we're all here as one I actually believe that innately as people we all have the ability and desire to help other people we that's what we're here for we just don't know how to channel or find the right Avenue de deur and I believe that's what I'm working on now I got an email from someone who told me about their auntie Helen who's 66 years old Helen was diagnosed with a terminal illness wasn't given a long to live and this this guy who emailed me said she'd like to talk to you could you call her up call her up so I did I had a phone call with Helen and her husband Michael there and we spoke about life we spoke about death and I asked her the same question that I posed to you before and that was what's on your list and she said ah she said oh I've never seen snow in real life I've always wanted a touch snow and drink a bottle of schnapps in the snow and I thought it's great and I did what anyone I'm sure on the phone call would have done and I said well can I help you and she said no and I eventually convinced her that I should and she was fine with that so we finished the the phone conversation I went to my social media and I shared her story and I said this is Helen this is her story she doesn't have long left she wants to drink a bottle of schnapps in the snow what can we do within a day we had ski higher we had hotels all donated flights donated someone started a GoFundMe account and I think we raised three a half thousand dollars everything we had a crate of schnapps donated everything was was donated just the kindness of people wasn't financial but people in kind gave gifts I rang a back up in the hospital and I said Helen Michael you're not gonna believe this but it's all been done you're flying in two weeks time in the last you know moments this dark moment Helen said to me over the phone aren't people good and I said I agree entirely four days before she was meant to leave I got a phone call from Michael and unfortunately he shared the news that Helen passed away she wasn't able to achieve that final goal of hers we all tried but you can't argue with that but at the end of the conversation in an incredible twist because it was obviously a sad conversation he said that in one of his last conversations with her she had said sir Michael I'm not going to make it to the snow I know that but I don't want any of these gifts to be given us in kind including the money I don't want that to be put towards a funeral or anything else I just want Seb to find somebody else who wants to go to the snow and I want them to go in her last moment she wanted to help somebody and I just find that incredible and so I went back to my social media and I said is there anyone else who wants to go to the snow please let me know enter Pam from Sydney a 77 year old hoarder she's lovely and cute extremely tough life battle two cancers has no family doesn't have friends barely leaves the house hoards house is an absolute mess Oh a beautiful mess I suppose but she's just anxiety she's very panicked a lot of the time and she just wrote to me and said look I've seen your thing on the on TV and I skied once as a child I've just finished my treatments for a second cancer and she said her dream was always to get back onto the slopes and I said I think we can help and the next week she got flown to the snow she went to Mount Hotham in Australia yes we have snow and she got to ride husky sled she got she went skiing again she kind of you know recaptured that youthful memory that dream to ski once again she got wildly drunk on schnapps and the reason I show you this last photo is because yes it's it's what a great outcome of course but the thing that stands out for me is the lady in pink stood next to her the night before Pam was meant to fly she rang me up and she said oh what time am i tihnk meeting you at the airport or what time you picking me up and I said oh I I'm not going I was actually flying America I said I'm flying America and she said well this is an issue because I I'm panicked I've never left the house by myself for more than you know a few hours can you help oh okay so in Batumi social media and I said something like hey can anyone spare a week to hold the hand of a 77 year old hoarder in the snow and it wasn't like the best you know sales line ever but within 10 minutes the lady in pink said I've just taken the week off work I'll do it and she did she gave her time and or energy and I love and her care and attention to a complete stranger just because that's what we're here to do help okay so all of that I mean it's a long story what could I leave you with well I could leave you with some kind of impassioned speech about passion and you know hopefully there's a bit of that in there but I'd love to just ask you one simple question just just what's on your list think about it just for a quick second good I truly believe that if you give that proper consideration it has the potential to change not just your life but the lives of people you haven't even met yet and I think that's an idea worth sharing so thank you so much for your time and it would be remiss of me to say if you know anyone including yourself who needs help in some way shape or form let me know thank you so much you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 96,287

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Achievement, Community, Compassion, Empathy, Happiness, Impact, Initiative, Life Development, Mental health, Mindfulness, Passion, Personal growth, Philanthropy, Purpose, Revolution, Self, Self improvement, Self-help, Sharing

Id: flFsEaFiHdk

Length: 23min 35sec (1415 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 16 2018