The 8 principles of transforming your relationship with money | Thuli Sithole | TEDxLytteltonWomen

I'm going to talk to you of course in big bold letters women and money and I will tell you how I came to want to talk about this how this is something that means so much to me I didn't just go pick it up from a textbook and decide I'm gonna regurgitate what I read this was a personal experience for me and with that I'm going to share with you the eight principles of transforming woman's relationship meaning your relationship with money including the men but men tend to be better at money than we I'll tell you why now how I came about to figure this out this whole woman and money thing and what goes on why is it that women don't have as much money as men why I was so emotional about money a few weeks ago out of the blue I woke up with excruciating pain a tooth ache out of the blue I said such a bad toothache and I thought I wonder what happens I went to a dentist had a dental checkup and the dentist was telling that my wisdom tooth on top was growing down and there's no other tooth at the bottom to counter it meaning it will just keep on growing until something comes up so the solution is to extract it now ladies and gentlemen I'm terrified of two fixtures so terrified I've given birth to two boys Naturals are pain killers but tooth extraction for me was like no ways I'm not going to do it went for a second opinion same thing eventually I decided let me continue with the mouth rinse that was prescribed to me I was on strong painkillers every two hours on painkillers and I'm not one person who takes painkillers I believe in homeopathic medicine so taking painkillers on him the first time I took two disciplines I started seeing stars I was actually high on discipline but anyway knowing the type of work that I do on my coach I do a whole lot of metaphysical stuff I went to look up what is a tooth ache and a tooth ache means that I'm indecisive I thought okay I'm at this point in my life I think everything is perfect so what am i indecisive out then I thought and I thought and it just every now and again whenever you ask questions whenever you said questions out to God God answers you in ways that you don't expect but you've got to be willing to listen so I listened and I took it on and I realized that I'm indecisive I just got into a new relationship and I realized at the moment I got into this relationship my money just started going down just down I thought okay I want to work hard I want to be a career woman but also another part of me just wants to be taken care of I want to be treated and spoiled and everything I just want to be those girls was meant by them anyway Vuitton bags like really I'm tired of working so I don't make a single mom and and I realize that this is my battle now that I have started something here subconsciously I want to be taken care of and I no longer want to take care of the money and that's when my emotions were intertwined and I wasn't decisive around that but with that is that money and love for me has always been a balancing act and that's got to go in the past when I was young my father was a hard-working man he was a surgeon never at home always on call every single day and as a young girl I wanted the love and affection of my father and I remember I made a vow that I will never ever work as hard as he does because family comes first I made that vow but that's impact it had in my life and then I started realizing the pattern of my past that every time I was in a relationship father of my children I had no career no life I had no ways of actually making income if there's income but it's not sufficient to make me survive and when I'm single I am driving on swimming and riches and that was a pattern and this took me and I realize there's so many women out there perhaps you too maybe your story is not loving money but it's something else women always we compromise something about money money for us is very emotional oh this earring is disturbing this poor thing money for us is intertwined in emotions men asks for something if someone like I got a call a couple of weeks back Tilly come speak what's your rate what's my worth so in my mind my rate is based on how I view myself my self-esteem it's not loud out there subconscious but for men he gives what he wants is thinking oh Jesus this Epsom when I ripped them off fifty thousand do you understand for a woman is different even if you could charge so high you'd think that but really I think I'm worth this much that's what I'm here to share with you eight principles to transform that relationship whatever it is that is holding you back those emotions they started back from when you were young and I'll share that with you as to why this is working hard the African woman the typical African woman works this hard even harder for some if you as an African woman have worked so hard all your life you've bought sure and many of you you would be millionaires right now I'm not lying to you you'll be millionaires right you'll be millionaires yet we toil and toil and toil and it's nothing for it look one of the ladies just mentioned that we give bursts men and yet a still that man's world how's that so it does nature make any sense this is the life of a woman because when a woman has money in her hand she has an extended family to take care of she has sown sought to take her shares his obligation shares this the women oftentimes don't spend money on themselves as lust when I walk to the shops and I have extra cash and I think oh wow I love those boots I look at them I think wow very nice and I think I'll come back later but before I even leave that complex thinking I'll come back or something I'll come back the very next day before I believe a complex I've walked past the baby boutique and I'm thinking oh that'll look good on my boys and I've purchased without even thinking we don't take care of ourselves as much and so like men tend to think don't look for a woman look for money women will find you themselves right yes it's true women we can slip out a secure man any out there against we powder it with just a joke it's true woman can smell potential in the men so you might not be rich now but you know you're gonna make him there's that saying that behind every strong man is a powerful woman and that man is a head but the woman is the neck because yes we're very good at bringing out that potential we do make our husbands we make them true story is the same true story but for women money security as our freedom as our independence and when we don't have those we are truly crippled we'll lose our identity we lose ourselves I was once in the situation myself my public figure but at some point in time I was so in love and so blinded by the Rays of love that I quickly left my career didn't see how insecure this man was jumped and then suddenly I had nothing I was not earning anything at all and all my streams my network somehow just started vanishing I became so dependent on a man so so dependent if you've ever been in the situation you know how painful that journey is because that journey is not even about now you getting a job it's not about yourself worth and it's so difficult to come out of a pit it's yourself worth your self-esteem with women money is about your emotions how do you manage your emotions you start with your thought process you master mind your thoughts now oftentimes when I give this talk I gave it in a course of a day but I have to do it in 12 minutes so I won't go into too much detail but I'm gonna highlight for you how to tap into that the first thing you must know is that money is energy mine is energy just like love we happen to have it in hard formants currency but it's energy and that's how you bring it into your life is through your energy are you worthy of receiving it if you are I tends to come to you right when you start feeling like you're not worthy of it or you ask for little or you offer a service and then you start discounting to family here and then there women do that a lot with discount tree services I wanna set a business way I was asked so how much do you charge per hour and it'll always fluctuated based on how good I felt that day I never knew that's how I felt it's just something that came up for me eventually and I realized that my relationship with money and my business is based on how I feel in my emotions it's often times how you run your business is based on your self-esteem it's your self-esteem not speaking money is energy passes from hand to hand one person to another 20 rent for you buys you a movie ticket 20 rent for someone buys on food and meal that perhaps might last my week 10 fish who knows but money is different for all of us and just as much as you manage your time during that day you've got to manage your money as that energy for you to harness it how are you gonna attract it into your life and how are you gonna keep it when you have it and when do you give it oftentimes one money but one I give it that's how you've got to be willing the first principle is that you've got to be willing to receive and to give many people don't think about that we think our God is not giving me but you're actually not willing to receive how many times have you prayed and you said God give me a million bucks please I've been asking I've been asking I've been doing this I've done this I've done that and then you find 20-round in a corner somewhere and you're thinking Hockman change God just gave her first twenty round of a million it's not just change a friend came by to say hello and they cooked food that has value of money of the abundance that you seek say thank you we've got to be willing to receive when I started now climbing my ladder after leaving that relationship that crippled me financially and then I bought a new car excited but when I was driving out of the dealership I remember thinking oh my goodness I cannot come out of his dealership with his kawaru everyone at work think that I have too much money those are the emotions were women tend to go through right suddenly have money and you're afraid of showing it I started thinking that what will people think I have too much money and that goes that I was not willing to receive so it comes but sunny I'm now saying I God thank you but I'm gonna park in the garage let me go back to work in that's got a corner of mine many of us do that many of you you buy T buy cups and things for your house or something but how many of you keep it for special guests and wait for those special occasions how many of you have kept perfumes for special occasions where do those occasions come sours that perfume for when you meet that man but just now you meet the guy and you know the perfume is still tucked in the cupboard I've had perfume that's actually dried up because it was waiting lots of truths it's the truth you've got to be willing to receive and when it comes to giving do not hold a grudge we tend to have this you know pious grudge where it's like oh gosh I don't want to pay my health insurance I don't want to pay discovery I gain discoveries charging me 3000 for medical it for you sometimes it's more but you have a garage purchase you don't want to pay your taxes you keep going on about in Gan Gan Gan diseases in cars ah keep going on about it that all my taxes going into gondolas so what your tax also goes into contributing to other people's lives you may not be aware of it but you've got to be willing to give and you bless it there are times where I feel like I don't feel like paying as parking attendants what are they doing here parking is free you know when you come up and they didn't they do this as if you never knew how to drive and then you have to give them five four in a tour and at a time when I feel like I'm holding a grudge I literally just bless it and I visualized something good and say may it bless him abundantly to let go of a grudge because when you don't do that you've essentially said God cut me off five friend less is that going to come back to you no but bless it and it does something for this guy even if he gives us boss forty percent of it but if you bless it it comes back to you many different wings you can't track those ways because its energy bless it think about next time if you're going to give money and if your garage is so bad don't don't give old back but don't have a pass on money with a garage it's like a loving someone's like being in a relationship when you're not in love with a guy and you just don't even want to kiss someone touch them or do anything and they feel it right its energy its energy so don't ever be willing to receive when you receive say thank you and when you let go bless it bless every transaction blessed that you had spine you're buying this bless everything let you part with when you see a bill say yay thank you this is another proof that my kids are actually in school private schools expensive so don't go on about who this is tough it's proof thank you God it's actually possible that my kids are in school bless everything that comes to you in that way second things that you've got to take hundred percent responsibility for your own life for everything that has occurred to you and your life is the way it is now you're experiencing it the way you are now simply because of the thought processes you have created anything that has ever happened to you there's no such thing has happened to you everything that is around you that you experience and you created you might say huh what people say but so-and-so was raped how do they create it your subconscious mind your thoughts there's some people for instance they're always always hijacked that all is broken into like one thing one bad thing happens to you after one after the other and that's simply because they are mind is back in that space and it's not to say bad things are good but it's to say that you can't shift your subconscious mind in a state of mind into a space where you start attracting things that feel good for you you can't turn lemons into lemonade state of mind and it starts off with circumstance has happened to you you perhaps get retrenched you feel like oh my goodness my life is over I won't be able to pay my bills your thought process is that you start thinking like you're not worthy anymore your friends won't invite you out for drinks or whatever it is you've got thoughts about it and your thoughts bring out feelings you're depressed you're sad you angry feelings that start coming up and then your manifest number for your actions your actions that determine your outcome what are your actions being depressed you rather sit in bed all day or you won't talk to it on your own take any calls those type of actions their inability to act for yourself from there that's your outcome what's your outcome your kids haven't been to school because you're refusing to get out of bed or you haven't eaten you've lost weight or you're ill now and remember your thoughts manifest illnesses one of the ladies mentioned morning sickness like the acute morning sickness to tell you the truth is that morning sickness is your thoughts having manifested fear and your body not much better physically that fear becomes nausea and throwing up that's fear every pregnant woman actually experiences fear because experiencing a new baby within you scary anyway but some have it worse than others and they're women who don't have it because maybe I support systems are better or there are thoughts about the whole process Cepeda but we're all different your thoughts can also manifest if you start filling your throat to so essential that means that you've held backwards you probably perhaps honor to express yourself you wanted to say something to someone and you held back then you get a sore throat when you coffee truly held back a lot yep it's not checking it's not seeing and then you'll realize I'm now in a position where I'm now making sure I express any things if anything doesn't make me feel happy arrow I have to say it I have to say it but then from there if you don't like the outcome if you don't like the cold you now have you got to go back to your thoughts shift your thoughts shift your mindset be more positive do things that make you happy listen to music jump listen to music positive music I now have in my playlist I only now have play I'm positive music and that's my the playlist and my iPod is written as pump it up mean I'm one puff it up and I'll pump it up in the car and before coming here this morning I was pumping it up my volume at its loudest and I started thinking oh Jesus speakers in my Mini Cooper and not enough I've got to buy speakers like these other dudes in the trenches cuz I want to pump it up that's how I raise my vibration I also enjoyed that with a comedian because it's another way of raising a vibration when I was going through a very difficult time after separating with the father of my children I went to watch Trevor Noah and I laughed and laughing raises your vibration so these are ways to raise your vibration positive things in your life the third principle I'm gonna have to move faster you've got to be clear why you're here what is your intention what is your purpose who are you some of you who have come in your strength with purpose gentleness kindness when I'm in a room I bring grace that's how I know myself to be and therefore everything that I do I'm now conscious to do it gracefully on with grace who are you do you know who you are what is your identity and I'm talking about that depth your soul I'm not talking about you being a mother not talking about you being a wife who are you on the inside not what people tell you what you are when all of those titles are gone what are you left with if your child is no more what are you left with if your husband is no more what are you left with what is your identity and as for women we tend to wrap identities around our families first comes a husband where you of course like me you relieve your career everything else and you suddenly become him when people are looking for him and they can't find him they call me now you know you're in trouble you become your children when your children move out of the house you have no sense of purpose anymore because they're no longer they decide who you are and that will tear the path for you to create your purpose and do things purposefully and some of the women have discovered their purposes by accident but life is constantly evolving because your purpose can never be a constant thing your essence is right throughout but you also evolve is go along one moment you're a bank and next moment you're now a philanthropist but your essence is the same because everything that has happened to us is that you teach us a lesson and when to move forward with it you've got to set goals set goals so people take it for granted but setting goals keeps you on the path you keep your eye on the prize and that means that when life happens to you when someone passes on or when Escom does loadshedding again or when something happens you don't lose focus on your dreams you must constantly review your goals write them down writing them down is powerful last year June I remember writing a goal that within the next three months I'm going to have 200,000 my cash it's going to come some way whether I play the lotto I'll do something but I'm gonna have it here like that cash cash instantly and I manifested that and then I remember thinking jeez I didn't dream big enough I should have didn't dream big enough but now I know and that's why when I go through this things and I share my experiences I'm able to say dream big write your goals down identify your inner blocks like I've shared with you how a vow that I made when I was young is what blocked me from creating my money happiness what is it that is blocking you from the past guilt depression anger your emotional baggage is something emotionally in you that is holding you back now it says that by the time a child is eight years old everything that has happened to him up until that point who they are emotional as who they will be repeating that cycle for the rest of their lives when I was 12 years old I was told by an English teacher that I'll never amount to anything in life still lets me straight and I went through my life reliving that story because I trusted her I believed her and I thought I was unworthy I won't amount to anything she said to me my English was so bad but look at me I'm standing and talking and so how that manifested was that I went from one relationship to one bad relationship to the next my money choices were bad simply because the way I believed myself to be was that I'm unworthy and therefore I will recreate situations that keep reinforcing the belief that I'm unworthy when you shift your beliefs you create a life where you keep reinforcing it that you are better that's why they say when you're positive you bring positive situations to you and therefore you reinforce the situation that I'm I'm successful I am healthy and whatever it is that you will also affirm that is positive so let go of your emotional baggage it's not serving you something perhaps you are aware now sometimes you've been living over and over and over it's not serving you let go let it go it impacts on the decisions you make in your life financially to clear the clutter yeah who's got offices like that it is so important that part of getting what it is that you want in abundance remember money's energy you've got to clear the clutter and create a void for a new energy to come in for money for love good health clear the clutter clean your rooms or draw as your cabby holes let go of stuff that you don't need or use anymore and this is something that I went through too and I'm promise it's amazing to go through this but right now it's winter because I did this last year in winter right now it's winter and I look for something like oh geez I gave you don't wait since I can't take it back now but it felt so good to give away because it did open my pots it opened me up to to that possibility of giving whenever I see this young lady for instance who might gave a lot of my clothes to and she stands at the traffic lights they're selling stuff I always just think wow she looks great you know so it feels really good clear the clutter I give away your stuff and lastly you've got to forgive spoke about the whole lemonade thing when you forgive you're not doing it for the other person you're doing it for yourself and when you do so when you decide to forgive don't expect to go to someone and say hey I've decided I'm going to forgive you I knows in five years but I've decided I'm going to forgive you what do you expect them to react you forgiving someone as for you and it's your business between you and your god between you and your sauce it's for you it releases you does nothing for the other person it releases you so you've got to learn to forgive because forgiving also clears that emotional baggage just like I had emotional baggage of the teacher for instance who told me that I'll never amount to anything had I been carrying that and wanting my revenge with her I wouldn't be anywhere but if she had to see me now forgave her a long time ago so forgiving you allow that emotional clutter to get out of the way it at least releases some of it there's also physical ways of helping you to release emotional try to I can't talk about now but one day and then of course you've got to express gratitude for everything in your life no matter how small or how big express gratitude I mentioned earlier then you find that when you're in the corner on your bed say thank you God I'm going to treat myself I scream say thank you to the waiters and waitresses who have been serving us outside you say thank you to any of them we take small things for granted do you say thank you to a petrol attendants they've checked your car they've made sure it's Road worthy one of the last time you call the close relative to say hey thank you do something to express gratitude and appreciation when you do that you feel yourself with more love and that allows you to also give because gratitude allows things to come to you you attract that energy of money it's a positive feeling so ladies and gentlemen money is energy that's not something that's merely in your wallet and when it's not there it's gone you can always attract my money into your space abundance into your space simply by thinking it simply by clearing a space clearing your clutter these are the eight principles of creating success for yourselves there's a lot of work to have to declutter and let go of emotional baggage it didn't take me just a few months or weeks it's been years of hard work but I can guarantee you that having done all of that I can testify that this is a way to go do not go bare branches on your back and work that hard yes work hard but smart it should be comfortable for you I work four hours a week and then I have time for my children I don't have an any it's possible to work and be happy and live in abundance thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 860,605

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, South Africa, Life, Money

Id: W6xkCXGxjzA

Length: 27min 57sec (1677 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 08 2015