10 Warning Signs Of Blatant Narcissism

[Music] i cannot even begin to count the number of times that i've sat here in my office as a therapist listening to people just shaking their heads and bemoaning what has gone on in their life and basically they may say something like you know from the very beginning with this person i knew there was something way off but there was a pleasantness or a fun or an excitement that came along with the package but wow did i get pulled way in by a person that was just totally narcissistic and i fell for it and then they on the back side they're just shaking their head thinking how in the world did that happen inevitably whenever you uh you get caught up in that kind of a mindset there are all sorts of warning signs that you can watch for that you just kind of blow right by and sometimes the warning signs are very clear now let's keep in mind when we talk about a narcissist we're talking about someone that has high control low empathy and exploitive a manipulative style they have an attitude of entitlement they must be superior those kinds of things that's narcissism and today i want to do a back to the basics kind of discussion with you so that we can one look at some of those warning signs that are just right out there and in your face because i want you to just know when you're engaging with these people they'll show themselves in a very clear way now you have the covert narcissist you have the gas lighters and all like that and that's its own those are their own topics which we've talked about elsewhere but i want to see if we can point out 10 very strong warning signs that you're dealing with a blatant narcissist now first on the list is these individuals can be easily impulsive now you'll notice that when you're around them they can get caught up in an excitement hey i've got this mood i've got this thing i want to go do come on let's let's go do it and so they have a spur of the moment way of making decisions now logic will say i don't think we need to do that but the emotion says oh why not and often this leads to very poor decision making kind of things and last minute kinds of things where they get pulled in and and typically when you do that and there's no planning you realize well it's all about my mood right now me me me and it's a high control kind of thing but they dress it up with excitement and you get pulled right in a second warning sign is they're either hyper close uh too quickly or too intensely now let's say you have a family situation so you've known for a long time but their closeness can be extremely tense i've had all sorts of stories where a particular family member has to know where you are at all times and they're texting and they want to get into your junk and know your business and all the rest and so they make frequent phone calls they may even have the the apps on the phone where they can trace you know where you are and i don't mind accountability but sometimes it can go way too far other times in a friendship or a romantic situation they want affection or they want affirmation way too strongly way too quickly uh sexuality can can enter into the equation really quickly uh they're prone to infatuations and they hate that word infatuation because it kind of sounds uh you know junior high uh immature which you can kind of actually kind of is and they don't want to be associated with that but there it is uh the hyper closeness a third warning sign that's just right out there and that is they're very prone toward exaggerated emotion now on the plus side if it's love if it's happiness if it's joy if it's optimism they're really into it all the way but then on the other side if it's anger if it's impatience annoyance you may think whoa where did that come from and when they express their agitation or when they're irritable and all it's a the way i put it is you may have five five cents worth of frustration and they give you twenty dollars worth of anger it's just uh over the top and then later on when you try to talk with them about it they say oh don't worry about it i'm just a passionate person no it's more than that they're into their mood to the moment to where nothing else even exists they don't consider anything beyond what they have right there in that moment which leads to number four and that is they are truly self-absorbed when you're around them you realize they suck all the air out of the room it's just like there's one person in the world that really matters and it is not you uh even if they do nice things that there's kind of a hey did you see what i did that's pretty good wasn't it their favorite subject is me they're not a team player they don't blend well with other individuals they they want all the attention on them and uh they can be bossy the the the implication is you people out there exist to prop me up you people out there exist to give me my feel good supply and and then also if they have kids they want their kids to be a miniature version of who they are it's me me me 24 7. a fifth warning sign is they're quite impressed by uh externals by physical beauty and the need to look good their hair can be very important or their clothes they they may have standout kind of clothes or they want to have the special kind of car uh they're they can be very concerned about body image whether it's through over exercise or whether it's through excessive procedures to make themselves look the best they have they want to have an idealized image that they can project to the public and they'll do anything and everything just to show i'm a little bit better than everybody else do you see how wonderful i look do you see how wonderful i appear and then that leads right into number six they're also driven majorly by materialism or elitism they want to be in the right social circles they want to be known as associated with the beautiful people and the right kind of people they want to have the look of money they're very impressed by people who have done well financially and when it comes to taking the humble path it's like that's for other people that's not for me they want to be in the right restaurants or at the right events at the right parties and with the right people they want to see and be seen and that's a big deal to these individuals a seventh uh warning sign is they are constantly hijacking conversations uh and then bring it back they bring the conversations back onto themselves now here and there of course there are times if somebody says i i took a nice trip to new hampshire and you you might say something like new hampshire i don't think i've ever been there what made you do that and then they talk about it and you might say well you know we have a vacation but it's on the other side of the country there are times when you'll inject your experiences uh and you'll talk about your reactions but you're able to do it inside the context of pleasant flow with that other individual whereas when you're talking about this blatant narcissist uh when when they say yeah i took a vacation in new hampshire they may say something like well that i've never been there and then they start talking about themselves and they just can ramble on and on about all the places they've been and the people they've seen and you're over here thinking hey remember i was just talking to you about my vacation i went to see my grandmother but they just blow right by it and the highly narcissistic individuals uh whenever you're talking about a topic whatever the topic might be they're constantly in a one-up kind of mode you have that topic i've got one that's better you've had this experience let me tell you about four of mine that kind of thing they're hijacking uh their conversations they're ridiculously poor listeners a uh an eighth uh indicator or warning sign uh and that is you quickly realize they have to be in charge it's not like they want to be in charge they have to be in charge they want to be the smartest person in the room they want to be the final authority they want to be the one that sets the rules they don't want to follow anyone else's rules but it's like no there's a certain way things need to go and i've already figured the whole thing out uh i've got to have the final word and my way isn't just the better way my way is the only way and don't you forget it now at first they can come across kind of friendly with it but the more you go it's it's not friendly it's very insistent and very entitled it's part of that element a ninth warning sign that you can watch for and that is they are pathologically defensive you know if you have a regular relationship and if you say something like well that doesn't make much sense to me or i i don't understand where you're coming from the other individual can say something like well let me explain to you if you say something even mildly confrontive or confused or different the narcissist is going to be thinking how dare you you know no nobody talks to me that way going back to all of this stuff about they must be in control they must be right they must look the best if someone even hints that maybe there's a different way of thinking or feeling or perceiving uh it's like so you're putting me down huh and they have a deep deep fear of being unimportant they have a deep fear of somebody finding out things that might prove to be wrong and so if you even hint at anything of that nature it's like no no no i can't deal with that i have to be on the superior end and then a tenth warning sign that we can watch for and that is these individuals invariably have a long record of broken relationships and it's always the other person's fault i mean they may have relationships where they cheated on someone or they were doing some things that were way outlandish you know the uh the excessive party crowd and irresponsibility or uh grossly mismanaged money but somehow or another it's the other person's fault they made it happen and uh and so the narcissists uh they don't take responsibility for all these broken relationships other people set up the breaking and uh and so they can't take responsibility for that but eventually they just wear out their welcome with so many different people now all of this said i'm hoping you can ask yourself some questions and that is how willing are you to be pulled in by these individuals or how willing are you to make excuses on behalf of these individuals you know there are times when you get caught up in their euphoria and all of their energy and before you know it you're just kind of riding their way with them is that something you need to do do you have a history of ignoring these kinds of signs and if so why uh and typically you can see that these individuals can be kind of sales many if you will uh but they can be very persuasive and you let go of your good common sense because you get caught up in whatever it is they stand for and so i'm hoping you'll also ask the question exactly what kind of relationship do i need with these individuals and i'm hoping you can see that ultimately these people that have this blatant form of narcissism that they'll lead you to destruction just about every time and they're they're not going to be good for you so i'm also hoping then as you're able to see these things that i'm pointing out it can lead to one really large question and that is as i live my life what are my much cleaner alternatives i'm going to remind you again my little mantra dr c d r c stands for dignity respect and civility these individuals want dignity from you and respect from you and civility from you but they don't give it out and you want to watch for that very carefully you want to stand for something that's right and good and then connect yourself with people who get it okay so i'm hoping that by looking at these 10 ingredients it can remind you all over again that you want to be vigilant and you want to practice self-care because i can promise you the narcissist isn't going to care about you they care only about one individual and i think you know who that is now i do hope that videos such as this will keep you stimulated and help you understand that you need to watch for how you can set up your boundaries well if you haven't already done so i would encourage you to go beneath the video and hit that subscribe button many times when you hear things of this nature it prompts you to think you know i want to sift this out with a licensed professional counselor and all throughout my career i've had people that i have referred uh individuals to for counseling and right now online counseling is extremely popular in fact in many cases people that don't have access to face to face they find it most necessary if that's something you could avail yourself to we've we have a trusted sponsor there's a link below where you can get the online counseling i would strongly encourage you to do so if that's a need that you would have in addition we have links to our library which has my books we have my video workshops and then we also have the other website surviving narcissism dot tv a lot of good stuff on there and then dr les carter.com by the way join me on thursdays on facebook surviving narcissism at 11 30 central time u.s so you have to figure it out whatever your term zone is i have a live feed where i i ask answer questions that come out through the week i do hope that you can stay vigilant i do hope that you can have your insight and wisdom so that you don't get pulled in by a narcissist scheme and that being the case i i want you to have good boundaries i want you to have a good sense of who you are so that being the case you can live in a life of steadiness and peace

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 138,016

Rating: 4.9624867 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, covert narcissism, gaslighting, Dr. Les Carter, anger

Id: KBTCfUDY1Zk

Length: 14min 24sec (864 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 10 2020