10 Signs Someone is Repulsed by You

welcome to my scientifically informed insider look at mental health topics if you find this video to be interesting or helpful please like it and subscribe to my channel hello this is dr. grande today's question asks what are the signs that someone is repulsed by you so while back I released a video called the five signs someone is attracted to you and one of the questions I receive this result is kind of look at the other side of that right what about repulsion and disgust which is a fair question so repulsion is when somebody acts on the emotion of disgust it's a strong sense of a version so repulsion is what happens because of disgust some of the time other times somebody may feel disgust but not react to the point where they're repulsed now disgust can be considered a form of behavioral loss aversion that protects resources including the integrity of one's body so it serves a purpose there are many theories about how many types of disgust there are but essentially if we look at the wood it sure it all comes down to two types physical and moral disgust interestingly we see it argued in the research literature that moral disgust is actually a separate emotion from physical discussed sometimes moral disgust can be referred to as contempt now contempt is distinct from physical disgust in a few different ways it's felt exclusively toward human beings it implies a sense of superiority there are pessimistic feelings they are about the possibility of that person bettering themselves and we see a detachment from the person from the object of the disgust been avoidance driven by detachment not driven by fear disgust is different it can be directed at a number of possible targets it implies contamination sensitivity a fear of contamination and avoidance driven by fear so I'm gonna answer this question about how can you tell if somebody's repulsed by you by looking at the ten signs that somebody's repulsed by you throughout this video for the sake of Claire I'm gonna use a person a person B scenario so person a is the person who is thought of by person B as being disgusting or repulsive so person B is repulsed by person a technically speaking person a is the repellent right that's what that's what we call somebody who's repulsive when we talk about it from a scientific point of view it doesn't sound great but it's the technical term they are a repellent just to create a little more clarity I'm making person a male and person B female and this is simply so I can make a distinction using the pronouns he and she and him and her instead of referring to everybody as they which becomes confusing when trying to illustrate the point so I'm going to illustrate in these 10 signs now before I go into the signs I'm going to cover a few factors that it's important to keep in mind when evaluating signs like this the first factor would be baseline behaviors some people look like they are repulsed by everybody they tend to be disgusted by everybody so they're gonna manifest what appears to be the signs of repulsion whenever evaluating somebody else's behavior you have to know what they're like normally if somebody always screams and runs away when somebody else approaches them if they do that to you it might not be related to anything specific about you the second factor is sensitivity some people are very aware of what people are doing around them so they're going to perceive a lot of nonverbal communication that may not signify anything and they may distort both nonverbal and verbal communication so if person a tends to believe that other people feel negatively toward him when he encounters person B he'll think the same thing of her having this Tennessee is associated with love self-esteem depression anxiety high neuroticism vulnerable narcissism and the construct of the highly sensitive person which is not a mental disorder is just a set of traits that are studied in the research literature and we also see a number of other mood states and personality traits associated with this tendency the third factor to keep in mind is the difference between repulsion and someone just being uninterested if person be fines personai unattractive that's not the same thing as being disgusted by person a sometimes the signs of a lack of attraction are similar to the signs of disgust contempt and repulsion when I go through the signs I'll try to illustrate how one might be able to differentiate this kind of neutral stance from something like disgust so now let's take a look at the ten signs that somebody might be repulsed by you so sign number one is physical proximity this is one of the more obvious signs of repulsion but it can manifest in a few different ways one way that I've seen it expressed is based on a continuous distance right so imagine you're in an event where people are mingling like a party some sort of social event and person a starts to approach person B like walking over toward person B or maybe just walking in person B's direction with continuous distance person B is going to keep a minimum distance from person a if they're repulsed by them let's just use the example of three feet one yard so it's like person B is holding out a yardstick and as soon as person a reaches the end of that yardstick person B is going to move and the other direction to maintain that one yard of separation and of course you can substitute any distance in for this within reason I mean you couldn't substitute in like a mile or something but I've seen people to have limits that are more like four or five feet or even ten feet again if the person is really repulsing them right if they're really disgusted by that person they might maintain a lot of distance next physical proximity example is based on compression so with continuous distance that one yard again is always maintained with compression instead of holding a yardstick it's like person a is holding a spring that's three feet long so his person a gets closer than that three feet that spring starts to compress the way we see it manifest is like tension just like we would see a spring physically compressed we would see the tension as it builds potential energy well person B compresses as she looks to release the energy right she's looking to reestablish that distance of three feet or create even more distance so his person a is talking to person B as that tension builds for person B she eventually walks off in another direction unnerved so sign number two is a failure to engage so at this sign somebody simply doesn't engage in a meaningful interaction with another person so person a and person B or in a social situation person B is not even going to make eye contact or initiate any type of conversation if person a walks up the person being said something casual like how are you or some other small talk person B looks away or says something dismissive this one makes person B look a bit condescending and arrogant this one is also fairly obvious and can tend to get a bit awkward it's not the best way to handle that feeling of disgust I saw a situation like this where person B so to speak looked at her watch as person a was talking to her and person a became upset and asked her if she was ignoring him and she pretended like she didn't see him even when he was standing there the whole time and then she kind of stopped looking her watch and said oh I didn't see you standing there when it was fairly obvious that she did later I found out that it wasn't necessarily narcissism in this particular case maybe a little but person B was really disgusted and repulsed by person a and just wanted to get away from him so sign number three is rapid unnecessary disengagement so what do I mean by this so let's assume that person a and person B both work in a setting like an office and person a approaches person B maybe in a hallway or in one of those offices and starts talking so if person B is looking around trying to establish eye contact with another co-worker so in a nonverbal way kind of saying help me get out of this conversation she may be looking at her phone wishing it would be pouring or whatever it does looking for some way to get away from person a without having to be direct without really facing what's going on here we can see that tension I was referring to in that first sign like the tension is really building if no organic way to escape presents itself she might just walk away without saying anything or she might try to present an excuse that's clearly fabricated there are some other ways to initiate an unnecessary disengagement person be may inquire as to what activities person a needs to attend to so she may say do you have someplace to be right now or aren't you late for a meeting kind of trying to push him along a bit if the conversation started out with a request to ask a question but then got off course like a person I said hey have a question for you but then they started talking about something else person B might say you said you had a question kind of rushing things along again just like that other example now I think that some of this of course could just mean that somebody's busy again not all these definitely mean a somebody's repulsed they're just indicators that may mean that in some instances a good example of behavior that gets misinterpreted ah would be of person B appear sport that could just indicate that she is not attracted or she's neutral in terms of attraction that doesn't necessarily mean that there's contempt number four is lying about availability right so this one's based on deception so perhaps person a says will you be around after lunch a lot talking about something and person B says no I have an appointment after lunch when really there is no appointment so person B will always be occupied when person a is inquiring it is actually an effective way of maintaining distance but again deception isn't always the best way to handle these types of feelings number five also kind of based on deception pretending to be on a cell phone or otherwise distracted by some sort of technology I've seen some pretty uncomfortable instances of this including one where person B was pretending to talk on a cell phone and a third person bystander who felt the person B's behavior was narcissistic called that phone right so it rang while she was pretending that she was talking on it and it was very obvious that she wasn't talking on it those another situation where person a was standing at a counter and person B was at a desk behind the counter and person B said that she had a message coming in that she had to attend to like an instant message or something like that and again she acted like she was reading it and person a leaned over and looked at the computer and it was off so again just kind of speaks to the same point that there are better ways to handle this at least potentially less embarrassing ways number six we see here never sharing personal information even the basic things that most anybody could figure out or is already known by everybody so this is an actual discussion that I've heard right so person a and person B here person a says so you have children person B says well it's hard to say person a says so you're not sure if you have children and person B says well there's no way to be certain about these things right and during this conversation that was a picture long person B's desk of her children so either person B is being deceptive or she's really skeptical she couldn't even be convinced their own kids existed right so this is one of the situations where it may be better just to be direct and say I don't feel comfortable talking about personal matters because trying to deny it and the kind of a strange way by saying there's no way to be sure kids existing just seems kind of strange so number seven here has to do with facial expressions and interestingly it was discussed there are two perceptual e distinct facial expressions a closed expression this is where somebody has a scrunched nose and closed mouth and an open expression this is where somebody has a scrunched nose but their mouth is open and they have a protruding tongue if somebody's making that facial expression when you walk up to them that's a pretty good sign that they are repulsed moving a sign number eight the sign has to do with the situation where person a it is perceived by person B as having done something morally wrong if person B is sensitive to physically disgusting stimuli like spoiled food rodents insects or pathogen bearing substances it's likely she would also be more sensitive to moral transgressions so the physical disgust seems to be connected in some way to the moral disgust sign number nine is if person has a negative body image of themselves this is actually associated with higher self disgust higher disgust propensity and higher disgust sensitivity if somebody has a negative body image they're more likely to see others as disgusting so that brings me to sign number 10 now this one is fairly obvious but it's something that's supporting the literature so I want to try to include it in this list and this is nausea and vomiting and I've actually seen this a couple times specifically related to disgust both instances involve someone who was malodorous right so this one's actually a fairly good indicator that somebody's disgusted the fact that person B is repulsed by person a doesn't really tell us anything definitive about the personality structures of either person it could be the person a as narcissistic obnoxious unpleasant so it makes sense that person B would be repulsed by him or it could be the person B as narcissistic and she feels like she's too good or superior to engage with people she doesn't consider elite both people could be narcissistic person a may want to appear disgusting in an effort to drive person B away I've seen that before many times or person B might be pretending as a manipulation tactic I've also seen that many times so we see a lot of possibilities when we observe repulsion disgust or contempt so if you walk up to somebody at a party and they refuse to make eye contact with you or say anything to you as they pull out their cell phone and pretend to be making appointment all the while scrunching their nose walking away from you only to vomit a moment later you may want to consider the possibility that that person is repulsed by you so we know whenever I talk about topics like repulsion and disgust and contempt there'll be a variety of opinions please put any opinions and thoughts in a comment section they always generate a really interesting dialogue as always I hope you found this description of repulsion to be interesting and not repulsive thanks for watching

Channel: Dr. Todd Grande

Views: 525,602

Keywords: Disgust, contempt, repulsion, repelling, signs of repulsion, emoting disgust, emoting contempt, how to repel somebody, how know so is repelled by you, how to know if you repulsive, repulsive, attraction and disgust, romantic relationships, mental health, counseling, narcissism, narcissistic, condescending, arrogant, haughty, supercilious

Id: fszws2IatrM

Length: 15min 22sec (922 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 10 2019