1 Hour Of Reddit Confessions - r/confessions #1

my favorite thing working as a window washer was going through people's private possessions one hour of disturbing creepy and interesting confessions my obsession hurts others around me it's also my fetish but it goes far deeper than that I'll try to explain the obsession the best I can by explaining how it started basically when I was young I caught paint worms it was a strange feeling in the itch was painful my parents took me to the doctor and I got medication to cure it this event is what sparked my obsession the thought that my body could be their whole world their lifeline almost a planet of sorts it was so interesting after that I began researching pinworms and other parasites and I found out the human body already hosts parasites such as demodex on their eyelashes and I wanted to know how many a human body could endure without a chance of serious health issues this curiosity has plagued my mind for years I'm now 25 but I am very well versed in parasites as I have been studying them for over ten years I also purposely infect myself with non-lethal parasites because it's part of a fetish of mine some have worked better than others quite a few have given me serious diarrhea and fevers while others have been much more bearable I currently have pin worms and tapeworms various non-pathogenic protozoa and pubic lice I am incredibly masochistic so although it's uncomfortable I do feel pleasure from it all these parasites mean I need to eat a lot more than the average person and I still look thin and to be quite honest it means I can enjoy so much more food than most people I also keep multiple cultures of bedbugs and leeches in containers and allow them to feed on my blood sometimes although those kinds are not really my passion as they do not live primarily on the human body but I think they're interesting nonetheless and I find them pretty cute now it's time for the confession my obsession and fetish isn't just about infecting myself anymore I also have the desire to infect others and I have acted on those desires sometimes my parasites just pioneer two new lands on their own my family have caught pin worms multiple times without my intention and other times I purposely spread them I have infected strangers friends and even my own family I know it's bad but I just can't stop I think I have Paris sites in my brain that makes me feel like I need to spread them I know how crazy that sounds but if you knew the feeling you'd understand maybe it's just a mental illness or maybe it's were jinn is parasitic in nature I really don't know all I know is it feels good when I do these things I feel an intense need to spread my children and when I do I feel pleasure I must have spread thousands of my children over the years I sometimes sprinkle tapeworm eggs into people's drinks when I'm out at clubs I also caught pubic lice from sex with a random woman I met at the same club and in return I'm pretty sure I gave her pin worms so it was a trade the woman wasn't even attractive I just wanted to gift her some pain worms and instead I basically won the jackpot by sleeping with her I then spread my pubic lice to at least four other women sometimes I also sprinkle worm eggs onto food and buffets whenever I visit them yes I understand you would think it's gross and messed up I am basically betraying my species for my children it's hard I do enjoy people and I have wonderful friends and family but I also love my parasites and my fetish is just too hard to control I don't want to hurt anyone when I do these things but it forced beyond my understanding is driving me to do it I think I could possibly have a parasite in my brain that has not yet been discovered I'm sorry to all the people I have caused discomfort too but it's for a cause beyond human understanding although this all can be justifiable I still feel guilt I don't want to hurt anyone I hope that people I spread my gifts to can find it in their hearts to be a little more open-minded and not kill my children but learn to live with them like I have instead I'm aware how strange and disgusting others will find me if they knew I'm aware of how immortal this seems to most people I assume you may see me in a negative light after reading this but remember I only want what's best for my children and if you were truly in my shoes I'm sure you would do the same I'm putting my extremely profoundly disabled seven-year-old into a residential facility so I can forget he exists I'm not sorry I can't tell anyone this even my therapist lambaste me if you wanted maybe I even deserve it I only asked what you would do if you were in my situation not what you think people should do what you would really do I'm a single mom of two boys 12 and 7 my husband passed away three years ago in a work accident a very large portion of me believed it was a suicide I can't see him ever making the mistake he made that caused his death and he had taken an action just before that which ensured his co-workers weren't in the room I fully believe he killed himself because of our younger son and no one will ever change my mind we were told when I was pregnant that he would have Down's syndrome we could handle that even if it was severe it turned out he has a chromosome deletion his disorder is kind of rare so I won't post which specific one but suffice to say he'll never be anything more than he is now or has ever been and what he is is nothing he doesn't appear to have any awareness and never has his eyes are locked in one position he doesn't respond to noise touch or pain he is total care he is capable of nothing he is tube fed and on oxygen he is in diapers and will be forever he makes no sounds no attempts to communicate he never even really cried as a baby he has never made an attempt to interact with anyone or his environment I'm not upset because I got a special needs an imperfect child I feel the way I feel because this thing takes up 200% of my time and does nothing I didn't get an imperfect child I didn't get a child I don't love him he doesn't have any personality there is nothing to love and yet I'm responsible for him in addition to his extreme delays he's also medically fragile respiratory crises fecal impaction his autonomic nervous system doesn't function properly issues with his g-tube infections pressure sores no matter what we put him on or how we position him our older son has suffered because his non-existent brother has colored everything in his life his medical care gets delayed because there's only one of me and his brother is more critical we do have a visiting home nurse but only 20 hours a week and we are telogen for more I was starting law school I gave up my dreams and my plan for my children for this potato my older son can't do a lot of things he wants to do because of the youngers need for care and appointments the final straw was I heard a sound I went into younger son's room to check thinking he had forgotten how to breathe again and saw older on hitting him and screaming here why I don't have a mother here why I don't have a father you're why I can't have friends over you're why I can't be in sports I didn't ask for you and I hope you die instead of being horrified I watched and younger son just did not react no signs of pain or fear or upset no reaction at all he breathes but he is not alive he doesn't know who I am he doesn't know who older son is he has no sense of self life experience or awareness of his surroundings he doesn't need to be in my home he doesn't know or care where he is he is genetically my son but he is not family my previously abused brain-damaged cat who can't walk straight has more personality and is far more lovable than my child in fact I was looking forward to raising a Down's baby even one with severe impairments for that reason with disability can come gifts this boy is not a gift he is a genetic mistake I probably should have miscarried and would have definitely terminated if I'd known he would be like this and the flip side is if he has awareness he's miserable and there is nothing I can do if he has likes and dislikes no one knows what they are if he is in pain he can't tell anyone if he wants anything he can't communicate he said every imaginable therapy nothing has made a difference and so he's leaving her home on the 29th I feel excited and relieved and then guilty because I know we'll be happier with him gone he's already taken my husband and my son's father he was working so so much to pay for the cucumbers care for the experimental therapies insurance wouldn't cover because this one was going to be the breakthrough he was tired and defeated and disappointed he sought counseling as well but I don't think he could ever say the words I don't want my son in my home either he's ruined my older son I was so wrapped up on the younger I never realized how ignored and damaged he was he lost his father too I didn't just lose my husband he is my priority now in this malignant lump can be someone else's problem at least they'll be paid a wage to care for him at least they'll get a break from him when they punch out I just want to never think of him again and I'm not sorry and for that I'm sorry thanks for listening I accidentally killed my brother throw away because a lot of people know that this happened to me I'm going to leave out a lot of details too just so it can't be easily traced back to me I'm just living with so much guilt I need to get this out because it's hard to talk about with people that I know when I was 10 I had a little brother who was 2 and a half we spent a lot of time with our neighbors because our moms were friends and they had 4 kids around the ages of my siblings one day we were exploring in the wooded area behind our houses and I found a huge rock it looked like it had smaller shiny rocks in it it wound up being a piece of cement with metal shards in it and I thought it was pretty and wanted to take it home once we got back to our house though our mom told us all to pack into the neighbor's car as we were going to chuck-e-cheese the rock was heavy so I brought it with us rather than lugging at home my neighbors had one of those huge vans that set like 15 people and had shelves above the seats so I put the rock in one of the shelves and struggled to do so as it was so heavy long story short my baby brother sat below that shelf at some point when the van stopped the rock fell out of the Shelf and crushed his little head it wasn't super gory but it was bad enough to have killed him right away right in front of my mom me my brother sister and our friends and their mom at an intersection during a red light I just remember my mom screaming where did that come from at Oh God my baby over and over again it came out as a whisper at first but eventually I was about to choke out an audible me and I'll never forget the look on my mom's face it was a mixture of pure grief knowing my brother was dead anger because I had done something so dumb that it resulted in the death of her youngest child and compassion because I know she wanted to hug me and tell me it wasn't my fault but she couldn't at that time she's regretted it for years and has apologized to me over and over but all she said at that moment was you killed your brother I'm 26 now and it's been 16 years since my brother died and I'm still in therapy my family has assured me every day since that it wasn't my fault and nobody blames me and that's a sweet sentiment but it was still my fault it was an accident but I still directly caused it that sweet little baby is dead because of me and I can't escape it watching my parents grieve like that was unbearable and they still feel so much pain I just can't stand the pain anymore my whole life has been a wreck since then and I can't seem to get myself on track I'm a high school dropout who has to leave work at least once a month because of my severe and constant panic attacks I have full days where I am paralyzed and can't get myself out of bed I feel like I should be dead and not my brother if you read all of this thank you it was hard to write I just need the universe to know that I haven't forgot what I've done and I want everyone to know that I'm so sorry I'll never forgive myself and I'll never forget I regret having my child I was married for 15 years to my high school sweetheart we had two beautiful kids 13 and 9 for many reasons we divorced skip to me starting to date again a year later I meet an amazing woman almost right away first month of dating again we have a ton in common we fall in love very quickly she tells me early on that she wants kids I had never wanted more kids to was more than enough for me I had even made an appointment to get snipped later that year but this woman is perfect for me and having kids as a deal breaker for her so I decide I could do this all again for her for us I'm approaching 40 when we finally start trying due to some health complications she's over 35 and has high blood pressure we ended up having to do IVF it worked and we were pregnant soon afterwards but our son was born prematurely they warned us this was a possibility due to her age slash health he had to stay in the NICU for 3 months my new wife developed postpartum due to the stress we found out our son had cerebral palsy a milder form but he had it our world shifted from being a happy couple with a new baby to a depressed and stressed couple dealing with a child that has a lifelong disability this is not how I perceived my second chance at happiness was going to be I won't leave my wife and I will love and take care of our son forever but not a day goes by where I don't regret my decision to have more kids I should have listened to my gut from the beginning and called off the relationship early on she wanted kids and I didn't but I did this for her now I'm depressed financially strained and my future isn't the relaxing one I pictured I can never tell my wife this of course and I feel bad even writing this to you all of you but I just needed to get it out I punched a girl in the face for kicking me in the balls I was 16 at school hanging out with my friends and a couple of people that were not so much my friends a couple of girls had a habit of kicking guys in the balls over B s smallest disagreements mutual insult throwing or even for fun I had warned them before that I would someday do something they ain't gonna like if they kept it up of course they had to put that to the test gotta see just how much you can abuse people before you give it up so we were standing in a circle apparently I said something she disagreed with wasn't even an insult or anything she faints to kick me in the balls I tell her again if she does that something's gonna happen she apparently takes it as a challenge gives me the hardest kick in the balls I ever received I collapse feel like dying puking crapping my pants can't breathe absolute agony some of my friends are concerned scold her some buttholes including her are laughing their butts off while I'm trying not to break into tears I stand up five minutes later feeling worthless she's still laughing I get the greatest rush of anger and emotional pain pent up over two years of those a-holes kicking me and other guys including some of my friends in the balls like we're less than dogs and before I can think my fists catapults itself into her ugly laughing face she collapses with blood streaming from her nose wailing like a baby as if she didn't like being put in so much pain that she collapses weird her like-minded friends look like they've seen a ghost start screaming insults at me and sheer disbelief and even though I was suspended for two weeks and she got no punishment whatsoever this was the most satisfying liberating thing I've ever done and I regret nothing got a reputation as a woman beater among some classmates as if I randomly attacked gentle harmless girls who actually deserve being protected for the fun of it but my friends stayed by my side and no more balls were kicked after that would do again don't give a crap that she doesn't have balls I slept with my daughter's ex-boyfriend he got me pregnant and I had an abortion they got back together and got married this was back in let me think maybe 1997 I was 38 and my daughter was 18 and she was dating Harry who was 24 I was an alcoholic and dabbled in other drugs mostly cocaine I was not a good person let alone mother not like I was abusive to my daughter or anything but I was generally an attentive and cared more about my alcohol and drugs than her especially in her teen years I am 14 years sober now I disapproved of my daughter dating Harry but I never told her why he would flirt with me constantly and the age difference also creeped me out also he was an alcoholic and drug user just like me she broke up with him over his alcoholism soon after she moved away not too far but regardless she didn't live with me anymore Harry kept calling me and asking if we wanted to get drinks I turned him down but then one day he said he had a bunch of coke and I couldn't resist he came over we did the coke and we ended up having sex he was a very good-looking guy he looked a lot like that ridiculous eighties Justin Bieber picture that was on the front page today that is actually what made me think about him for the next few months maybe like three to four months he would sometimes come over and we would have sex and do drugs and get drunk together any drug addict knows what that is like to have a drug addict buddy in that way then I got pregnant I knew it was by him I had sex without a condom a few times stupidly I never told him I was pregnant and I went and got the abortion and kept it a secret anyways I stopped seeing him after that it was too weird I also got sober for like four months before relapsing fast forward two years and my daughter contacts me and tells me that she got back with Harry and that he is fully sober I was mortified honestly he was gonna tell her that we slept together and she is going to hate me for life they came over one day and said hi and when my daughter was gone Harry told me that there is no reason to tell her about what happened I agreed it's been 16 years of marriage on their part they have a kid together Harry got cancer then beat it I got sober that's basically it I don't see them very often they live in Texas and I live on the East Coast but whenever I go there is always that tension between me and Harry it's literally the first thing that comes to either of our minds I can just tell not like sexual tension like why did we have to do that what the hell is wrong with us kind of tension I think about this often especially when I see my grandson I always think that could have been my son of things had gone differently but well what a disaster that would have been if I decided to keep the child I killed an elderly man in front of his wife and basically his entire family I haven't talked about this to anyone even though it's been years even my closest of friends - the ones that were there one night when I was in college I was driving to get some liquor for a party my fraternity was supposed to throw the following night I was taking a street I was very familiar with to get back to my house it was dark but the street was lit with street lamps I remember that I looked at my radio for a second just a second not very long at all but when I looked back up to the road there was a man crossing I didn't have any time to react by the time I saw him he had already hit the good of my car and bounced off his side I remember screaming and hitting the brakes and the wash of horror of what had just happened I'll admit I had thought about speeding away but I pulled over to the side and ran out of my car to check on this guy when I got to him his family was standing outside the restaurant he was leaving and they were all screaming and crying he was laying on the side of the road with blood coming out his nose and mouth two other men were standing with him trying to see if he was all right I'm calling 911 see him I was frantic by the time it had said in what I had done I sat on the curb across from the family and listen to their crying in agony while we waited for the paramedics to arrive I sat there and sobbed while two paramedics took him away in an ambulance I don't believe I've ever cried so hard and for so long the worst part about all of it and what still kills me today was that his wife came over to me while I was distraught on that curb sat next to me placed her hand on my shoulder and said I was married to him for almost 50 years we had a good life then she hugged me and said that she forgave me after everything was said and done it was ruled that it was an accident I wasn't charged with anything and I had one of my friends pick me up from the police station I went down a dark path two years after that I drank heavily dropped out of college in my senior year and had to move back in with my mother and father because I couldn't hold on to a job even tried to kill myself with pills it was a hard road to recovery which I feel I'm not fully recovered from nor do I feel I ever will be the same but eventually I got my life back in order joined up with the Navy and saw a bit of the world and now I'm on track to go back to college and hopefully finish what I started there it took almost a decade but I finally start to feel almost whole again I'm back to hanging with my friends and actually going out so maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel I got a girl deported because we got into an argument years ago I was browsing Facebook one day and I saw a girl I went to high school with arguing with some other people I was browsing through the comments and noticed they were all using some really incorrect terms and had some really bad misconceptions about the topic I wanted to hop in there really quickly and just clarify the terms they were using and show then what terms they should be using so we could have an informed debate she got so mad at me and told me that I was trying to discredit her and make her look stupid she made a facebook status about me in the long rant and was making some pretty hurtful claims she then blocked me so that I couldn't respond to the claims I made a fake account and added her as a friend again and found an old status that she made about how her parents illegally brought her over the border as a child I submitted the photo of her status to a few government agencies and then finished out the school year and forgot about it she never came back from summer break and some of her close friends mentioned that she had been deported with her family I regret doing that because she couldn't speak Spanish because her parents wanted her to live here and truly be an english-speaking American and now she is in a country that she doesn't know and she can speak the language well or at all I make copies of other people's keys for personal use whenever anyone lets me borrow a key usually to their house in order to pet-sit the first thing I do is go to Walmart and make a copy of that key for personal use after they ask for it back I never break into houses and steal anything other than food or maybe alcohol but I love the feeling of being able to effortlessly enter a place I know I don't belong without anyone's knowledge I have keys to multiple people's houses and a couple of buildings / garages from my old job I lie about having my university degree and it got me a great job I went to an Ivy League university in Ontario Canada right after high school my marks weren't great but they were good enough to squeeze me in I spent most of my time and university partying rather than studying but still managed to pass all of my first year classes in my second year I skipped a lot of classes and was very lazy with the coursework my marks were terrible and I failed a couple of my courses in my third year about halfway through I dropped out and got a job landscaping I did that for a year when I realized it really sucked and I began to regret not trying harder while I was in school I figured I would apply to jobs that would normally require the degree that I would have gotten I had spent a few years in school I was easy enough to make the timeline on my resume make sense and although I dropped out I had a decent knowledge of the area the field I was attempting to enter his difficult start out and it took a few months of sending applications to get an interview the company I got an interview with my now current employer is an internationally recognized name in the energy sector I was extremely surprised to get my interview one of the documentation requirements was university transcripts and with an hour or two in Photoshop I had my proof of graduation I sent in the papers with the other required information and never heard anything back describing any problems with my records I ended up going through three interviews in the process and received a position I have have now been working with this company for almost five years they provided all the necessary job training and nobody has ever questioned my education I entered with a starting salary of seventy two thousand five hundred dollars CDN and received annual raises upon hiring me I was told that the management staff was quite impressed with me through the hiring process and that they usually only hire applicants with minimum requirement of a master's degree I basically pooped my pants every day while in the interview and training process but now I don't really think about it ever I didn't tell my university friends I faked having my the only people that know I did this are my parents I sabotage my father's marriage because he cheated on my mother when I was four years old my father and mother divorced because he cheated on her they had a really rough divorce and had lots of fights eventually the divorce was settled and my mother and father could move on my father married his mistress who L call emily has to respect her privacy my father was really happy with her and me and my sister got a stepbrother and two stepsisters with whom we got along really well skip forward two years and Emily started acting different and so was my father me and my sister often couldn't visit our Father because he had to work whilst in reality he was free when me and my sister were there we often weren't allowed to eat at the table which seven-year-old me didn't understand eventually my father started becoming more distant he didn't wish me happy birthday anymore and missed a lot of important milestones in my childhood like learning to ride my bike or plays at school when I was nine my sister and I could only visit four days a month and had to sleep in separate rooms I vividly remember that during one weekend that we were there I had accidentally broken a glass and Emily had turned furious she sent me upstairs and had me take my socks of which nine-year-old me found really weird then she showed me a piece of glass she held in her hand and said that this is what I deserved for my clumsiness she pushed the shard of glass into the sole of my foot I yelled and cried and tried to remove my leg from her grasp when I felt a hand on my shoulder it was my father's hand he was helping Emily do this I don't remember what happened after that Emily also got into a huge fight with my sister and had pulled her by her hair down to the basement after these two occasions and a lot of verbal abuse we decided to break all contact and tell our mother what had happened we hadn't told her before because well he was her father my mother knew this was serious abuse but she was too afraid to alert the police since my father had threatened her with violence before skip forward another five years I was 14 and a freshman at the same school my former step siblings attended once I saw them all the memories started rising again my two stepsisters have become huge bullies and lots of people hated them me and a couple of friends decided to retaliate and secretly put small bags of marijuana and backpacks apparently this had caused a huge fight in their home and my father and Emily decided to divorce after this Emily got into serious financial troubles and my father became an alcoholic two weeks ago he was arrested for assault emily has allegedly become a prostitute in my former steps siblings have been brought into protective custody this has all been my fault it was my idea to put the marijuana in their bags even though they hadn't done anything to me I ruined the lives of my step siblings and send my stepmother and father into a downward spiral yet in some sick way I don't feel any remorse my sister has been dealing with a severe eating disorder after all the verbal abuse from Emily and has been hospitalized twice I've tried once to commit suicide because of my sexual orientation since I thought I was an abomination after Emily's conservative Christian rants now me and my sister are doing better though we still have traumas we've thought about starting a lawsuit but because of our ages during the incidents legal advisors have advised us to just move on anyway I'm in a real moral dilemma I did something that caused horrible things yet I don't feel any remorse am i a psychopath i mercilessly bullied five people in high school 3/5 of them killed themselves I am in my 40s now and I don't deserve the life I have I stepped on the backs of my classmates to make myself feel better about myself I was bullied harshly in school and had the crap beat out of me on a daily basis until I hit puberty then I suddenly grew into a monster i towered over everybody at school I also channeled my anger into working out and became even bigger I was a huge booger of a person I hated everybody I had so much on Stu built-up from my own bullying my former bullies being the manipulative cowards that they were I see this in retrospect but didn't see it at the time befriended me and we pretty much held a reign of terror over the school I fed on the newfound respect from my former enemies we preyed on the weak there were about five nerds that I personally tormented harshly I joined Facebook a couple months ago to see what became of them I had hopes that they were able to live happy lives despite my awful treatment of them one I knew died suspiciously in high school but turns out it was a suicide that was covered up to more killed themselves right after high school graduation the forth lives alone in a trailer and appears to be crazy the fifth person actually turned their life around and married the head cheerleader several years after graduation so at least there's that I wish I could apologize to the remaining two but it would be so tried and meaningless plus it would probably reach Ramat eyes them having to see me again or having to think about those events again I suck I'm sorry and sometimes I feel like I should off myself too you know to balance the scales of life I have been tormented my entire adult life for being the bully that I was when I really should have been an advocate for the bullied instead I mean I already knew how it felt instead of sticking up for people and beating the bully's butts I like a weakling join them I can never forgive myself for that I kicked my son out of our house for being gay he became an alcoholic and nearly drank himself to death this was in 1991 my son was 18 and going to a local college me and my wife considered ourselves sort of a normal New Jersey Italian Catholic family we were traditional and fairly ignorant to most things we hated the perceived feminization of culture images of drag queens in NYC and AIDS and the tight pants of modern kids made us recoil in horror my wife found gay porn magazines in my son's room I came home to her being angry she was freaking out at him I asked why and she showed me what it was I felt my heart dropped down into my stomach it was like a punch to the gut he was gay it felt like the ultimate betrayal to us betraying our religion betraying the normal healthy upbringing we gave him we had zero concept of the idea of being born gay we thought it was something you made a choice to engage in and once you did it you couldn't stop everything that we had given him a normal religious traditional home with enough money to go to college and relative freedom to do what he wants and he just threw it all away at least that is what I thought at the time he was my only precious thing in the world my son the person who would inherit my family's name the man who I raised from a child to be a man but at that moment was the furthest thing from a real man in my mind I could imagine I made a choice right then and there that he was no son of mine he was just a [ __ ] who happened to live in my house I know how horrific this sounds because it was horrific and it was how almost everyone who lived in our community felt we were constantly spewed with propaganda to hate gay people and ideas that the youth were all gay and experimenting and getting AIDS and dressing as women the hair middle men wearing makeup David Bowie the drag queens in New York across the Hudson Freddie Mercury the ridiculous clothing of the era it all gave the world view that the world was turning into some gay womanly wonderland anyways I barely even spoke to him my wife was the one who did all the yelling I just went red in the face and couldn't even look at him she told him to get the hell out and go to New York to live with his friends who she assumed were all gay and she was right mostly she physically hit him a lot and got him to pack his stuff while he was crying and told him to get out me and my wife were just devastated afterwards we went to church a lot my wife told all the other families in the area and they were horrified at my son I remember when we told our priest who was a very nice accepting man about our son he looked to be disgusted but when we told him we kicked him out he looked at us in disgust or at least hide it at a tiny bit living without my son hurt it also made me rethink things over time I still saw him almost as an inhuman person to be gay to me at that time was so sinful and horrific that it was impossible to truly consider accepting them as real normal people me and my wife grew apart in the six months following my son leaving she started to drink a lot and she was a nasty drunk she had a history of alcoholism I knew how bad it could get this was the worst I had ever seen her we fought constantly over stupid things and all I could think about was that when our son was here we never fought he always calmed us down in the end I got kicked out of my own home she just told me to leave I moved to New York to live with my brother in Bay Ridge we got divorced officially a few months later she would die from liver failure seven years later I made the choice a conscious choice to find out where my son was at that point my life was just in shambles and I was rethinking everything about how I viewed my religion my life and I was just so horribly depressed and lonely finding him was a nightmare of itself it took two weeks of calling homeless shelters and asking around at them if they had seen my son months ago I finally found him in an apartment in Williamsburg I saw him and apologized and I told him that I am so sorry I kicked him out part of me was still in the same mindset as before I was still a raging homophobe but I tried to push that part away and just be with my son and ignore everything else he was a severe alcoholic my first thought when I saw him sweaty and skinny and sickly looking was AIDS but no it was alcoholism it runs in the family he said that it started soon after I kicked him out and that he was horribly depressed and turned to drinking heavily even his roommates said it was a major problem for the next three months I spent a lot of time focusing on getting him clean I met his friends about half of whom were gay and we worked together to help him he went to a detox clinic he went to rehab we spent a lot of emotional days together I didn't want to lose him even though just a year before I was desperate to get rid of him the thought of him dying right after this because we kicked him out it was just too much to bear I made the decision that if he died I would probably commit suicide after but he would get clean then relapse four months later then get clean again for two years then relapse again then he quickly recovered and he would never touch another drop again spending the time with my son and seeing how he lived and more importantly actually seeing how these gay men lived their lives mostly completely normally it completely changed me as a human being in 1996 I went to my first Pride Parade with my son to support him and his boyfriend at the time I took a heavy interest in the LGBT community and went with my son to visit his friends in AIDS clinics if you were to have told me in 1991 that I would be going to an AIDS clinic with a drag queen and being friendly with everyone by 1997 I wouldn't believe you in the slightest anyways this post has been days in the making I love read it even if I am a bit old for it ha I have told my story before to a journalist and it was published if you feel deja vu reading this I would very much prefer if you didn't reveal my identity on this post or post the article I used to bully my disabled brother four years I know this will get a lot of hate and yes I deserve it I am NOT looking for any validation or forgiveness I know I am a piece of human trash I just need to get this out I have a brother who is two years older than me he has suffered from a condition since birth that forces him to be in a wheelchair anytime he is out of bed he cannot use his arms that well either we used to have a great relationship until I turned 11 and I really started resenting the amount of attention he took from my parents and how much stress he put them under I had to constantly help him change him feed him I hated it there was a few years in his life when he so mean to my parents and it really made me resent him more I realize now that I had no right to judge him and I will never know how difficult life is for him I stopped hanging out with him and made more friends at school I would tell my family all the fun I was having at school during dinner to make him feel bad I started barely talking to him or acknowledge his presence he would get frustrated to the point of tears to get my attention it started escalating two years ago when I would purposely turn off the Wi-Fi and unplug the TV every time we had to leave the house so my brother could do nothing but sit in his wheelchair I would purposely delete his favorite saved shows on the DVR I would make fun of his speech push things just out of his reach I would act disgusted when I had to change or bathe him it always made him feel bad and he would apologize I made my own brother apologize for taking a dump what the hell is wrong with me but my Sain of a brother never told my parents and he never let me have it three weeks ago he was trying to talk to me non-stop and I was just ignoring him I got annoyed and wheeled him against his wishes to the backyard and placed him under an umbrella and went back inside I fell asleep and realized I left him out there for three hours when I went to bring him back inside he was in tears and wouldn't look at me he was humiliated I have always felt guilty about how I treated my brother all these years but my anger towards him overpowered it but seeing that look on his face affected me in a way that was different from before I stopped all the bullying after that day I couldn't even look him in the face I was ashamed last Sunday my brother told me he was glad I was his brother and friend I couldn't even respond I went to my room and cried I'm crying again typing this all out when did I become an evil trash human being hell I'm 17 and he's 19 now I know there is nothing I can do to make up for the past six years my brother will be returning with my mom from a specialist appointment tonight I'm going to apologize to him and beg for his forgiveness tonight I want to start being a decent brother to him again I am a healthy guy with no issues who chose to bully his only brother for something that wasn't even his fault I am so ashamed of myself my son beat up another boy and I'm so proud of him so my son was being bullied pretty badly at school people would make fun of his accent use racial slurs towards him throw open milk cartons at him at lunch start rumors about him they put his bookbag in the toilet once and a bunch of messed up things kids do to each other my son had told on the main perpetrator to me and his mother and I went to the school and told them about my concerns and the school gave him a stern talking-to which only stopped him for a few weeks and then he continued to bully my son so I went to the school and complained again and the administration had told me that they spoke to the kid and he had told them that he was just joking and he didn't mean any of the stuff he was saying and that they were actually friends anyway the assistant principal told me that boys will be boys and that it was not out of the ordinary for boys to make fun of each other but since the kid had admitted to doing it they gave him in-school suspension which is essentially a slap on the wrist so after that I realized that nothing was going to happen if I kept running back to the administration every time my son came home crying so I took matters into my own hands now I'm going to tell you something about me in my home country I was an amateur boxer but due to the financial situation I was in my mother did not want me to box she wanted me to work and study so I cut a deal with her if I made that to the Olympics I would go pro after but if I failed I would stop and work and go to university anyway I failed and stopped boxing and got a job and finished my studies ok so what I did was teaching my son how to fight every day after I get home from work for the past nine months I take him to the local boxing gym and taught him how to hit aggghhhhh throw combinations taught him about footwork and movement how it worked the speed bag how to dodge hit the pads and everything else I knew from my old days as a boxer it worked wonders for my son not only did he become physically stronger he also became mentally strong he stopped coming home crying he started to make friends and it had a real positive effect on him when I would ask him if he was still getting bullied he said it didn't bother him what people he didn't care about said about him so I figured that was the end of the bully problem I was wrong two weeks ago I get a call from school that my son had gotten into a fight and that I had to go pick him up because he and the other boy were both suspended for 5 days for fighting when I go to pick my son up he is covered in blood which was alarming at first but then he told me that it was not his blood it was the other boy the one who put his bag in the toilet kept walking up to him and using racial insults towards him and my son told him if he didn't stop he was going to beat him up and he kept his promise turns out my son broke the other kids nose busted his lip and hit the other kids eye and it had swollen shut my son has some bruises on his face but nothing compared to the other kid now my son has been getting yelled at a lot by his mother she made him write an apology letter to the boy the boy's parents to the principal to the teacher to the security guard who broke it up and she is really mad at me and blames me for this because I taught him how to fight but I honestly could not be more proud of him he's getting whatever he wants for Christmas from me I'm purposely trying not to get my wife pregnant I'm in my later 20s my wife is still in her early 20s we currently have no kids two dogs and have been married for only seven months my initial plan was to be married for two years and get established in our jobs which are fairly new then start trying for kids I really do want them and I've expressed my concern to her but she doesn't want to hear any of it this person got pregnant this person is due any time her friends from high school / college are having kids etc she wants a baby we dated for a total of three years before we got married the first two were a sex filled romp my wife is a freak in bed and she sure showed it after we got engaged it slowed down a bit and she wasn't as freaky but it was still satisfying that we're married she doesn't want anything intimate unless we are trying if I say hey want to have sex or even attempt foreplay she brushes me off but if I say hey let's make a baby she turns back into freak mode my wife is one of those that thought if a guy ejaculate sin side a woman she will become pregnant no matter what she didn't realize about ovulation and peak times and whatnot so after she learned about it she asked me to download the flow app and chart her cycles for her I did but manipulated the whole thing when she thinks she's ovulating she's not on the chances of her getting pregnant are slim to none sometimes I'll tell her that her peak day highest chance of getting pregnant is coming up in a few days so we should start early we have crazy sex for 3 to 4 days in a row inand nothing while she's actually ovulating I'm a bad person I will eventually give her a baby just not anytime soon I kicked a kid in his balls and he had to have one removed this happened when I was around seven or eight years old it was my first year in primary school and I had joined the school with some of my friends from the local theater school in the area one particular boy was a year older than us and was repeating the first year for some reason he was of German descent from a very well-to-do family and a lot bigger than the rest of us possibly because he was embarrassed in repeating the year he was a bit of a bully he often picked on me and some of my friends I'm sure we probably escalated things at times too because I know he was teased for being German so one day standing outside class I kicked him full whack in the balls he buckled over but I can't really remember much of what happened afterwards we probably tucked tail and ran I can't even say for sure whether he deserved to be kicked at the time or if I just thought I was getting him back for previous behavior anyway he missed school for a few days after and I heard some kids saying he was in hospital soon after that I was called in to speak to a teacher who as far as I remember dressed me down and explained he had gone home and his testicle has swollen up to the size of a tennis ball and it had to be removed I don't really remember getting into much trouble about it but I do remember some of the other kids going on about it in banter the details are hazy but I felt so bad and I felt I was in so much trouble that I never told my parents about it this was made worse as my dad and his dad had gone to school together only found this out after seeing my dad chatting to his dad at a rugby match that me and the kid were playing one Saturday about a year after I was freaking out the whole time they were speaking and then started feeling guilty that my dad might have been seen as rude by his dad for not apologizing for my action it didn't come across that way as they seemed like old friends catching up but I felt so guilty I felt so awful about it I mean at the time I didn't realize that it may have an effect on him being able to have children but I felt like I'd done something so horrible and always expected my family to confront me about it when I learned of the reproductive challenge this might cause the guilt was just amplified the years that followed in primary school were mostly fine on the odd occasion he would have a go at me I remember him having a slightly shorter fuse with me than others but I think he ended up being okay and less of a bully saying that he did try drowned me in a river at our primary school leavers camp as I'd pissed him off for some reason but mostly the end between years went by without incident I left that school to go to a different high school so I never maintained contact with him I saw him once during my teenage years and we chatted for about five minutes I remember it being friendly I never ever mentioned it I hope he was able to have children I'm sorry bro I'm sorry I never said sorry - I told my mom to just die already while she was sick with cancer I felt like this is the best place to confess this guilt that has been a part of me for the last ten years my sweet mother passed away when I was nine years old during her gruesome battle with ovarian cancer I got frustrated seeing her rapidly deteriorate I just said what came to my childish mind I wish you would just die already her response is what continues - wakes my soul she looked at me without words and began quietly sobbing nine-year-old me couldn't comprehend the situation so I left her to cry and walked away with guilt we never spoke about it and she passed away months after that happened I wasn't a bad child I just wasn't prepared to handle seeing my mother suffer the way she did and it made me frustrated rest in peace mama you crossed my mind every day my favorite thing working as a window washer was going through people's private possessions so I worked as a window washer in my small town in Sweden for about five years every morning you went to the warehouse where we had all of our stuff drank a cup of coffee with her co-workers and talked for a bit before getting to know the places you had to go to the day and who you had to do them with our bosses were very keen on everyone getting to know everyone so they changed up the teams every day this meant sometimes you got to go out by yourself a typical workday is going to four to five houses or apartments sometimes old people they were always home sometimes families who were home because they knew we were coming not very often you got people who left their key under the mat and let us go inside without them being home I like this the most since you didn't have anyone breathing down your neck while you worked and sometimes once in a blue moon you got a house with nobody home by yourself I don't know if there's something wrong with me maybe but to me it felt like I had struck gold because I knew I would be able to walk around that house by myself checking out every inch of it I usually started by doing my job superfast make sure I had some way of knowing if they got home usually I placed a ladder somewhere close to the door so if someone came home they had to move it then I got to work I never looked to steal anything it was pure curiosity I looked through bathroom cabinets nightstands desk drawers and basically anything that you could open while making sure everything I touched was placed back exactly where it was before during my years I've found Diaries with dark secrets cute secrets and just downright weird secrets I've found used condoms in the teenage boys room dildos and vibrators in the daughters or mother's nightstands I found a gun under a mattress which in Sweden is not something you see every day one couple had a sex swing hanging in the bedroom so it's not really something I needed to look for but I thought it was strange that they didn't take it down when they knew people were going to be in the house I once opened a teenager's MacBook and boom pornhub paused mid video no password no incognito window nothing jewelry expensive watches and knifes one kid had a three knifes welded together like a ninja star but with a handle like I said never stole anything that wasn't my goal I just loved going through other people's stuff it's wrong I know that but I couldn't help myself I used to go into random homes in my neighborhood when the occupants were at home this was in the mid eighties when security wasn't like it is now and also lots of families didn't even lock their doors the first time I ever did this was when I was riding my bike in the neighborhood and saw a front door of a home wide open I peeked in and said hello just to see if someone was home no one answered I stood in the living room just scanning the area and got spooked and left after that day I was hooked on it I would wait for people to leave and enter through whichever door or window was open and would walk around I never stole anything but I did open drawers closets and went through personal belongings I once found a wad of money rolled in up a sock I took the money in sock and put it in the next drawer over I felt like I needed to leave a mark so I ended up moving dishes and cabinets like I switched the cups with plates and moved utensil drawers to another spot in the kitchen I did this in about eight or nine homes until people started talking and getting suspicious and of course people started locking their doors including our family I stopped after that someone did call the police but nothing ever came of it since nothing was stolen I haven't trespassed in anyone's home but I do switch things around in other homes when I'm invited over I abused my cousin for most of our childhood I am not sure how exactly to start this thing he was between the ages of 7 to 13 I was 3 years older we would always play video games on my console together I was very conceited and selfish and narcissistic back then and every time he beat me at a video game I'd go crazy on him we had a wired controller and I would always unplug it and just sling it everywhere on his body he'd scream sorry and stuff and beg me to stop I'd keep doing it every single time this lasted for years I was a bad child always complaining always making things about me always being a [ __ ] to my cousin's when they did nothing to deserve it and actually always were nice to me for years this went on with him he still came over still played games with me still spoke as if we were friends and none of that ever happened when he was about eight we decided to go outside we were at my house and we had a trampoline in the front yard we always jumped on it for fun and stuff and being the bad person I was I devised a plan I found that there were a bunch of rocks underneath the trampoline and told my cousin to check underneath and look at one that happened to be right in the center of the trampoline I told him to stay put and keep staring while I hopped up and positioned myself i centered myself on his head and I jumped the full force of my weight just came crashing down on him in his head he hit the ground hard all I heard was a thud and then a pained scream everybody in the house came running toward him and I got scared not even for his sake the only thing I was scared of was the idea of getting in trouble I pulled him out from underneath and pretended to care about his well-being when in reality I wanted this to all seem like an accident I don't know everything else that happened after that it all went by really fast a year after that the abuse and everything finally stopped he still came over and we still played games together I remain calm this time still getting slightly irritated but still managed and by the time I turned 16 I remembered everything I did to him it all came flooding back I felt guilty disgusted I still do I don't think I will ever not feel bad about it I don't know why I was the way I was and I can't make a single excuse for it I was a horrible human being back then child or not that is no excuse I'm never going to let myself live this down I only married my wife to get out of my parents house 20 years ago I married my wife I was only 21 years old and only knew her for a few months it was arranged I have seven other siblings and couldn't stand living in that house anymore no privacy having to give money to my parents I was sick and tired of it all we are Middle Eastern and I told my mom I was moving out she said the only way I could move out was if I got married because people in our culture just don't move out so I asked this pretty Arabian girl I knew if she would marry me we knew each other for a few months she's yes I didn't wanted to marry her but I needed to desperately get away as I couldn't take it anymore we struggled pretty badly and lived in a raggedy apartment that had a rat problem and we had to share a bad car I don't regret it I love my wife as much as someone who knew them for 10 years prior would I pretend to be interested in middle-aged women during interviews and on the job I noticed when I got in shape and dressed nicer the older women began treating me much better at the office every interview I've gone on so far where the interviewer was a woman resulted in me being offered a job I now purposely lock eyes with women during interviews because it makes them feel attractive even if they're not I don't care about them and I continue this behavior even after getting the job what I learned is women aren't really the different from men when in a position of authority they like being around attractive people and will render undeserved preferential treatment I've had married female attorneys admin assistants look for excuses to touch me and I encourage this behavior because I end up in higher paying positions or cushier environments when I do I'm aware this treatment will decline as I age but I'll capitalize on it as long as I can I ended my ex best friend's career ruining her life this was a few years ago I used to be friends with his girl in college we'll call her Jackie and we're both pursuing our nursing degrees we got along really well for a majority of the school year except towards the end I began liking a boy who she knew about and then had sex with him anyway we both talked about it and she understood how hurt I was unprompted ooh something like that again fast-forward to nearing our graduation like one year later another boy I had been seeing for a while who came to our place for a pre-party we all left at the same time Jackie and I shared an apartment and then went to the party Jackie left and so did the boy I figured they were both going to campus together since we had apartments next to each other and so I just stayed with the rest of my group I came back only to hear them having sex I was devastated he was my boyfriend and I finally thought I found the one it was a few short months yes but still he was so sweet and I thought he cared about me I knew I needed to get back at her for hurting me and here is how I did we both smoked marijuana heavily after graduation I still was pretending to like her we both moved back home which ironically was close to each other and began working at the same hospital as nurses different units our Hospital had a strict drug policy which forbid any drug use I stopped smoking but she didn't I would always convince her to and I'd just have a drink or pretend to take a hit from it sometimes not even fake roll one and just smoke a cigarette while she smoked marijuana after about two months of me stopping marijuana and her continuing I left an anonymous note on my managers desk saying Jackie is high now you need to test her she would never go to work high just smoke a day before her shift she was never ever inebriated while working well about one hour later occupation health came and everyone doctors Tech's unit clerk cleaning staff etc was tested on the unit to prevent any discrimination and if you left you would be breaking policy and risk termination Jackie immediately texted me after freaking out in the break room that she needed to talk I ran up in faked to have no idea and was comforting her saying it had be fine and nothing to worry about one week later terminated she violated the drug policy which results in immediate termination she was blacklisted at the hospital and all nearby ones as well because of the state I was in - at the time it was a controlled substance which made it especially bad we worked at that hospital for only a few months now she has only been able to work in a local office as a nurse and receptionist making about one-quarter of what she could have been no other job will hire her maybe one a few states away would but I am Not sure do I regret this yes I was a butthole and messed up bad will I ever tell her probably not but his Karma which certainly I put water in my coworkers gas tank and keyed his other car my coworker is almost 10 years older than me but he's one of those guys who you'd think they never left the frat life in college he was always a prick and has horrible work ethic nobody likes him but he's the only one who speaks a language that half of our customers speaks so he makes sales I work a retail commission based job the company won't fire him despite my manager writing him up for lying to customers and just being a bad worker it all came to a head when he started stealing my sales to elaborate if a customer comes in for something and we don't have it in stock we can order it if the customer comes to pick it up in the employee who placed the order is not present the sale has to be put under your name he not only stole my sales but would throw out my paperwork in hopes that I would forget I placed an order in the first place I doxxed him and found where he lives I drove 30 minutes out in the middle of the night and opened his gas tank and filled it with three bottles of water this car was an older beater car he would drive because he had a more luxurious car 60k racecar I couldn't find his luxury car I'm sure he stores it in the garage so during work hours I keyed his car over a period of a month once a week thanks for listening to radio 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Channel: Radio TTS Longplay

Views: 393,340

Keywords: radio tts confessions, reddit confessions, reddit confession, confessions, Radio tts longplay, reddit 1 hour, 1 hour reddit stories, R/confession, reddit dark confession, reddit confession stories, r/reddit confessions, Dark confessions, reddit worst thing done, worst confessions reddit, creepiest confessions reddit, askreddit, ask reddit, reddit, reddit best, reddit stories, reddit story, reddit top post, reddit stories 2019, reddit comments, best of reddit

Id: pwHe9JEJsO8

Length: 58min 35sec (3515 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 16 2020