-Morning
-Morning -Lovely day
-Yes -Come to feed the pigeons
-Yes Where have all the pigeons gone.
There aren't so many We'll count then One, two, three They keep moving, they won't stay still Well, count them again All right One, two, three, four, five, six One, two, three, four, five, six All they've gone -Bye-Bye
-Bye Cousin What are you doing? Put it down Why are you acting sneakily? I nearly chopped you by mistake You always wanted to chop me You always threaten to chop for nothing Don't you know you've no ID card? Without me, you'd have been expelled back to HK And your shop would've closed down Kill this pigeon first There are some left from yesterday's batch Keep today's and kill yesterday's, idiot -I'll be off tomorrow
-Why? Come early tomorrow. I have an engagement Where are you going tomorrow? Wel's wife wants to introduce me to girl What? Dating a Greek girl for marriage? Only to be friends It's okay, but you must think twice I've already thought it over Since you fail to get me PR status Marrying a Greek girl is the only resort It's better than imprisonment Hey, are those 2 dishes ready? Would he take them raw? Hurry up. The customer's getting impatient -Is our food ready?
-I am coming Very Sorry, just a minute, please Alright then You've cooked the pigeon for almost an hour Why didn't you cook the vegetables till now? And the 5 sweet and sour soups? I know you were lazy So many shreds, what a waste! I only have two hands And a pair of feet too It's most important to be alert Stop nagging Quit and see if you can find work You can't speak or understand English Don't be arrogant Me, arrogant? I'm on your side I've provided for you all those years How are you going to square the deal? Anything you say You're threatening to chop Without me you'd have slept in the streets You bastard, I'll chop you to death Don't try anything foolish At worst I'll quit You've no ID card, you're an illegal An illegal immigrant, to be exact Inform against me then -Who is the illegal immigrant?
-He... I'm an immigration Officer,
you'd better come with us Aren't you happy now? I didn't do it purposely This is the final call for British.
Airway Flight 03 to Hongkong Mako, Mako I didn't know he's an immigration Officer I'm sorry Your pay so far amounted to $8,300 but after deductions, you only have this Take it The food on the plane is bad I've specially brought this for you I know you don't have a good appetite Wear more on board for it's air-conditioned Take care Time's up, we have to go You'll regret all your life Please help yourself Which of you eat my pig? Who'd have eaten the pig? This is cousin's girlfriend Fat Maid, Pao, come here Did you see that bride? No -The old one?
-No -What are you doing?
-Go and see for yourself Cheers, cheers -Doesn't she look like cousin's girlfriend
-She really is Why throw a party over this? Keep it from cousin. He can't stand the shock It would be horrible if he knew his girl friend's marrying someone else Damn, I'll beat you to a frazzle I'll beat your bloody hands and your bloody feet Damn, I'll beat... Mako, are you still angry with me? We're cousins after all I'll beat your bloody feet What? Who has no shoes on? I... I don't I'll kill you, damn cockroaches Cockroaches? There have been cockroaches and rats What superstitious things you're doing? You and your cousins are hopeless Luckily, your ancestor has left you a house Had I not hired you you might have become street sleepers What's there to see? Back to work Uncle Mako Do you want to get paid? Yes, but I don't know how to put it Come to the point. What's it? I'm afraid you can't stand that Stop kidding. Speak up Your girlfriend's marrying someone else Uncle Mako, are you all right? I'm okay He really is open-minded Look, he's crying sadly Of course You can find other girls Few people know what happened Resign yourself to fate They enjoy life; you work like hell Work hard if you envy them Cousin Well, are the vegetables done or not? Calm down -Who takes care of the host's table?
-I do Serve them well Okay Yours, yours... Cousin Yung, your vegetable's poisoned Don't serve it to the guests Is this the only dish poisoned? Don't just stand by and wait for death I'm not the one to die What now? Please help yourselves, everybody How can we eat like that? It's wiped off now Go and change at once YES, SIR You may get killed eating it Try Are you the host's family? Take it Yours, yours... Hey, come here. Let's discuss it I can't sneeze any more. Let's take turns What happened? -Cousin is using poison
-Poison? Why stand there? Bring the dishes Okay, right away Bad, mixed up Which dish? Go now Watch out. Which one's poisoned? -Be careful
-Be careful Please help yourselves, everybody Cheers, cheers Watch out for flies Please help yourselves I won't trouble you. Yours... Sorry, time to serve wine What now? Fixed? Yes What are we going to do next? The Manager's over there Manger... What are you up to? We didn't do it purposely Mr Chiang wants you to see him, sir Mr Chiang, sorry, just now... No way. You've made me lose face I'll tell them to say sorry Jaws is ready to bite. Serve now Cousin Yung, I have no way out There are still stuffed crabs, chicken, fish Chow fan, red bean paste, etc. Outrageous You can never find word elsewhere I don't want to see people killed here What? The food is poisoned Shut up You've spoiled the atmosphere Cousin, no more nonsense Had you not poisoned it... What? Had we not stopped them from eating they'd have all died You think I wanted to poison them? I saw you hiding the rat poison Cousin, there's no point in... Get away What? Cousin Cousin, don't I won't do anything bad because of her Someone's getting me off the hook People surely choose better things Good, I'll toast you both Cousin Or you prefer humiliation? What...what do you want? Cheers You... Mako Nonsense Dial 999 Well, it's now another day. I'll turn over a new leaf and forget her While on the subject, I must do something Where are you going? Fling away anything that tramp gave cousin Tell him to go to bed early Cousin, take it easy. Don't be sad He won't, he's a he-man Look, how happy he is Why is the drinking so much? Not everyone drinks because he's heart-broken I drink because I'm excited -I'm really excited
-Go...go now Go up to sleep. You must work after waking up -Morning
-Morning Wait for me at the junction Why? Let me help you pack -Hush
-Why? I'll pack it myself I'll wait for you here Switch it off. Sit down Don't wake them up Only we two are going If they know, they'll blame me for putting women ahead of friendship Though I may do it because of you I won't do it openly They'll be sad if they know But between love and friendship I'd rather give up love I must maintain this friendship That's all I want to tell you now I can leave now What? You dated me for barbecue? What's this cue you're talking about? I only heard about stage cue, billiard cue But never barbecue! Are you going or not? This must be something dangerous I'm not going Well, don't see me any more I won't care about you even if you come back Good, all girls are gone Good I'll give her hell if she comes back Don't ever come back Oh, a man Of course. Take it, maniac -What now?
-It's for you Tear it off if it comes from her So soon? Impossible Who is it from? Cousin Big What? Nothing special He's winding up the business there and bringing his money back to HK Never. When I was in England, I faced the kitchen in the day, the pillow at night I made something out of sweat But I offended him unknowingly He exposed my status as an illegal immigrant and I was expelled by the British Govt... Cousin, forget it. Forget the past I must take vengeance We're cousins there's no enmity between us And he brought money to go into business As employees, we've to ingratiate ourselves We mustn't spoil this golden opportunity What does that mean? Cousin Big's coming to live with us Good, good I'd never let him live with me Come out, all of you What are you doing? Playing smart -It's serious
-What is it Where'd Cousin Big sleep We've already leased his room to someone Cousin will sleep with Cousin Big You're headless. They're enemies You can't let them sleep together -I have an idea
-Yes That beautician has been away for one week Cousin Big may take her room for the time being What if she returns There won't be such a coincidence Since it's empty, let's make use of it -Why is it so dark
-The light's not on I know Switch it on No need to clean it, it's tidy What a beautiful photo Stop dreaming. You may get bad dreams Sorry for the shabby condition Cousin, do we have to clean it How strange! She hasn't been here for long Cousin, what a puff of chilly wind Nonsense. Fat Maid, close it Frankly, did you open the door I did it myself, I think Hey, the door... Just close it It has never been opened Where did the wind come from Q, where are you going To sleep Sleep? Did you... What? You always said I snored loudly Did you come here to sleep? -Must be you
-Don't deny Tell us Right -Tell us
-Don't deny Yes, It's all right -It's okay
-Go to sleep Who's coming back What a pretty boy. Thank God If I appear now, I may scare them Bastards, don't scare yourselves What happened? That doorbell is ringing When did you change it last A long time ago. You told me to do it Replace it, or I'll beat you up Open up Open up -This door is not mine
-Open up Who are you looking for Let me ask you first Who is it You all know her Are you back I'm getting old, I even forgot my key It's been a long time. Do I look old? Show some respect for an elder Are you surprised by my return Don't you welcome my return No What? Are you throwing me out No, we thought you weren't coming back So we've reserved it for cousin... I've already paid you six months' advance rent Go now Go now You've been away so long. We thought... Don't curse me. I'll return even if I died We'll pay you back the rents. Move out If I'm not mistaken, you must be Yung Yes Since when have you learnt this You never acted like this before What have I done wrong -Nothing
-Yes, you often drank our wine Try this. Is this the Water Authority's water or your brothers' wine? Try. Don't scare her Tell her this is wine No, it's water Are you framing her Framing me Miss Wang, only a misunderstanding We only hope you'll stay away for a while and he wants to stay here So we hope you'll do us a favour by moving out You must be out of your mind Miss Wang, you've been out for so long Just stay for two more months No, I've just returned from down below Where can I sleep, if not here Put up with a friend for the time being Things are different now, I've changed work I'm now a beautician at a Funeral Parlor Why have you chosen such work? What's wrong with the job Don't touch my face -Afraid
-Stop that If I get married. I'll move out See who's going to help us Me again What can we do -I have an idea
-What is it Wait till Cousin Big is back Don't try to scare me Don't play a man to scare a ghost A ghost scares men, not ghosts Haven't you found a master to get enshrined A bridesmaid can't take the bride's place You can own the house, but not the man You can own the house, but not the man What do you want then What do you want Don't try anything foolish I won't. I'll find a good one Don't hurt me What about you I'll find someone who's dying I've already waited a long time Don't worry. You go your way, I go mine Any of us without a master
shall return to the Temple -Where are you going
-Go in You'd better get out of here Calm down. Why fight between us Impossible, he said he'd return today Would he back out at the last minute? I've put all my hopes to him Go now. Come again tomorrow Go home empty-handed HELLO He's coming back at last Is he still angry with me Are you going to open or not Are you going to push the button A gentleman must right the wrongs A gentleman should forget an old score I'll open it I'll push the button -Cousin
-Cousin Coming back Yes Come in, I'll help you Could he be up to something? You must be tired after over 10 hours flight My fatigue's gone on reaching home I'll bring you a towel No need, cousin I always take orders from you The kitchen's just like my former restaurant I got a drug to eliminate them all Get rid of them now while hot Cousin... Idiot, forget the past I've boiled sesame paste Come on, eat Don't worry, my hands are clean You'd be finished if I put some poison in it I know Cousin, are you going to eat Let me go in to see those
glutinous rice dumplings I'm excited today Towel It's hot. I'll eat when it cools down I can eat faster then But not too cold Remember when I worked up to midnight I ate those cold remnants and got sick Forget that. I'll bring you dumplings saw a doctor the next day and you deducted my wages 3.6, but I'll forget it now In fact, I had no wages You've finished so soon Yes, it's delicious I know I did you an injustice.
No, it was only my fault Eat I'm used to eating remnants Cousin, they look delicious Bring more Okay One must play safe What? I chipped the chopping board You've a jolly good appetite They're delicious Want any more No, no Sit over there. There's a long sofa -Okay
-Come on, come here Come on What are you doing It's sweltering. Let in the air Cousin, sit over there What is it They're still not coming back They won't return so early There may be power failure. Take care Help, help! Keep away What are you doing? I know I did you an injustice. Chop me What? I'd have done it in.
England had I wanted to I'm now chopping myself I'm chopping it open to show my intestines Don't! Don't! I'll let you chop me. You hate my guts Come on Chop my neck, chop my neck Chop my head. Come on Open up Why such a noise? Try to get in Go in through the window Open up Break the window Keep away Help, help! What is it? What happened? What happened, Cousin Big? Cousin was getting out of his mind He's been trying to chop me You won't believe it You brought such a mess on return Go up Go up Let's talk it over. Put it down What a mess after my return I won't be happy if I stay Right, we're friends, we should live together Let's join forces to build a brilliant future No problem Let's share prosperity and adversity He told me to chop him He's often out of his mind You were at variance before but the enmity can easily be erased I guarantee this won't happen again -But...
-Cousin said you're a good wine blender Blend a few glasses -Did he really say that?
-Yes Okay -Sit here
-What is it Cousin, he also has a share in this house Aren't you taking him for a relative Had he ever taken me for his relative Cousin, just to me a favour, will you No -Cousin...
-Speak no more Okay We lost our jobs because of you Now he's given us a chance I'd rather beg than ask him a favour I don't want to
embarrass Cousin Big. Am I right Yes, let the room to Cousin Big This is better. My pulse is boiling This is another man's wife Another man's wife One casual drink is okay Drinking it always can bring you bust And this No more You tried too hard! Now you're all wet You don't get tough with girls or you'll get wet What are you two doing ? He's teaching me how to drink -Where's cousin
-Lie down Lie down, feigning sleep -He's fallen asleep
-It's okay then He even wanted to say sorry to you As I said, there's nothing between you He only wanted to kill you You're drunk; I forgive you It's nice you're all here I've just wound up the business in U.K. and got 476,830 out of it I'll remit it to HK next week We're rich Quiet, we're still planning As to the disposal of the capital... You make the decision, Cousin Big Let's not divide it then We must consult everybody I won't forget your share But if I know any of you is frivolous, spendthrift and cares not about his future or resorts to illegal activities, I'll... cut off his source of income to show him that a family business is hard to build up Right, we must observe family traditions Who are you? Why are you here naked? Who are you? What is it? Cousin Big, why are you in the wrong room? In underpants -Right
-Do you wear much? What are you doing here, lousy men? To sleep Cousin Big, you don't sleep here Did I enter the wrong room? Yes, luckily I wasn't asleep Impossible, I saw a picture stuck here You must've stuck it yourself Sorry for the interruption -Thank you
-Don't mention it Go back to sleep What's up? What happened It's okay, Go in Cousin Big, let me make the introduction -No need
-I must... Sit down What are you doing Well, cousin... Tell him, Q Fat maid, tell him Me? He's my cousin My last name is Wu Let's sleep Please enlighten me Do you mean it Wear more to avoid catching cold Remember to lock the door Cousin Good night She said good night to me Go back to your room and sleep What? Let him take my room? Forget it, cousin Why don't we... Cousin, you'd better think it over I'll never live with such a man Each of you... Cousin, not in bed? Sleep on my bed No, I'll return to the room Cousin, we can talk it over Nothing to talk about I'll mimic McEnroe Good Are you forcing me to move out? Let's frame him up as the only way out It's beneath me. No Who's hiding it? Produce it What have you lost? Why the noise? Lost money What have you lost? Money? Who could've taken away this? Maybe someone has borrowed it Borrowed? I won't take it back now I only want to find out who did it Think it over Ask cousin if he has seen it What happened? What's going on? Pao claimed to have lost something Cousin, have you taken it? How would he take it? So you've taken it You mean that doll? I really don't know why You don't? You stole it from me I really don't know why I don't know why I'm sleeping here either You're a thief Don't say that, he's our relative What's yours is his What? Can we share this? I won't take it back now You tramp You've cuckolded me Forget it. You'll only embarrass cousin Don't get it wrong. I didn't touch it Cousin, buy one for yourself He's very serious She has followed me all these years Tramp, I won't want you any more We'll contribute money to buy one for you It takes time to nurture feelings Give this to cousin Don't use this to get rid of me What a frame-up! You're taking me for a nut This gimmick is not bad Would he blame us? No, it's for the good of us all And we don't have to quarrel with Cousin Big What happened? Pao, are you vying with cousin? Right, that one Over what? This doll Who's vying for it? I got one myself And it has a Birth Certificate Why get excited over a doll It's okay, Cousin Big Cousin often leaves home for trifles Right Right, he returned from England for this Didn't you expel him What? It's a gift Right, a gift Don't you have to go to work No Good. Let's go up and change Pick up your girlfriend How's Rose now? Keep away I just want to have a look Do you want to see... Yes, to see if your glass is clean Serious Yes, I'll clean it for you if it's dirty You're okay, you can read my mind I was going to clean it Good, let's wipe it together I'll go and get the things With cousin Big back, luck's now with us We're off to win his confidence On your own now. Meet here at 7 p.m. Hi, where are you going -Something important to do
- I know where you're going Where You must be... Nonsense, bye Be here at 7 p.m. sharp Something fishy. Follow him You're evil May What's your name, sir I'm Chou Hsiao Yung, she's my girlfriend May You're mistaken, sir No, it's she who gets me wrong I mean... I want her to forgive me Sorry, I'm not interested in your affairs Why stand there then What will you drink Bring me Champagne if she forgives me An insecticide if she won't Order the insecticide then Calm down and listen Well, let me listen to it I... Continue I know you can't explain Well... Forget it. I know you are not sincere Hi, May my sincere apology to May I'll bow once more... Waitress, champagne "Her piercing look, her piercing look" "Shinning bright like the stars" "Sure enough to make one chokes" "Her piercing look, her piercing look" "Shinning bright like the stars" "Sure enough to make one chokes" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "Could wind drifts along the moonlit alley" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "Wandering souls riding low and high" "To pledge under the moon
while the heart flutter" "Her piercing look, her piercing look" "Shinning bright like the stars" "Sure enough to make one chokes" "Her piercing look, her piercing look" "Shinning bright like the stars" "Sure enough to make one chokes" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" "The moon will hide beyond the sky" We're back Damn it Why are you back so easily Early A bit early I'll go up Cousin Big, come and have a drink Hi, throw the dart -Okay.
-Cousin, you throw first -Okay
-Come on Find some work to do Throw, but be careful I am. Let's have a game Throwing darts? Come on, let me try Okay -We do it for gambling
-No problem What's the stake? How much? We were only joking -Who's going to gamble
-I am Take when you win, but don't pay when you lose -What's the stake
-Name it -A hundred dollar per one
-Okay -Hi
-Are you Yung? This is Auntie Auntie's coming No, it's long distance call from London What is it Have you got that cable Yes, Cousin Big's already here Returned? He's departed for nearly a week and you don't
even care to call. You're heartless What do you mean, Auntie? You Cousin Big fell into the Thames What He's dead but his body's missing at the morgue Yung, are you listening I'll win for sure What happened What are you doing Never mind What a maniac! Why are you screaming Cousin Big, your turn There should be one more Where's is it? Why one short? You flung just now There were 3. Why is one missing? Look over there Let me see Why are you holding a dart I'll look around. Don't tease me I'll twist your head. Show me It's with you. Let's continue "Outside the window,
the sea reaches to the sky" "Inside the room,
love conquers like the sea" "The one I love has the drinker's looks" Cousin Big, can I join you? Would you listen Yes Q, go "You're drunk with sweet wine" "Your fascinating looks make me drunk too" "Love is deeper than wine" "My devotion is sweeter than wine" -Cousin Big
-I give up "Why don't you care for me" "I love you, and I do" "whether you love me or not" Are you drunk No, I'm sleeping I give up -Because you've lost
-I'm going to the toilet How come? What are you Well, come in Why are you closing the door Come in. I got a call from Auntie saying cousin died in England I didn't believe it but when I helped remove that dart which sank into his head I saw his blood was green So you think he's a ghost Cousin, you must relax with your girlfriend You're making a bad joke You don't believe me -Do you believe me
-And you Of course, we don't How can I make you believe me Cousin Big, what are you doing So it's you! What are you doing I'm here to see you No, to see if you're in bed I am not. I'm ironing Cousin Big, iron it outside. Let me help you -No need
-Let me Cousin Big, the weather in HK is humid Let me iron the clothes in your wardrobe No need, I'll do it What's it He...You... What's wrong? It's burnt It's an expensive dress What? Backbiting me What's this -Dried beef
-Yes Eat Cousin Big, I'll pay you back for it No need -Do you believe it
-Yes Cousin Big, it's shining You're okay Go... Don't go I don't feel at ease tonight No much illusion, I can't hold on You'd better find someone to accompany me No Won't you do me this favour If I did something bad to my ancestors you'd look down on me even if she forgives me No, sex is nature Right, right Idiot, you draw lots Cousin Big, calm down It's my pleasure to sleep with you You used to induce me to sleep I'll accompany Cousin Big Q, don't do that Is that any of your business So I have someone who cares Go out... Let's go together Cousin Big, I'll unfold the bed for you Boss, the customers are urging. Hurry up What Buddy, speak of it no more Okay, okay We didn't know it until we got a call from Auntie saying Cousin Big had died for nearly a week He felt no pain even though' we ironed him He felt nothing with a dart stabbed on his head They call this an aggrieved ghost Aggrieved ghost Brother, do us a favour Some customers are getting impatient Tell him to go somewhere else Hurry up! Stop talking When a man dies, his soul leaves his body and it decays, leaving only a skeleton Put sugar or vinegar first Put them at the same time That's just like Cousin Big He doesn't decay after death His soul was incomplete due to over scare When it calmed down
it didn't know what happened He didn't know he was dead then Right He didn't seem to know he's dead Should we or shouldn't we tell him We should've done that on the night
of the 2nd 7-day period or he may never reincarnate We must keep it a secret from him He is our cousin We should give him a chance to reincarnate What about the $7 million remittance Which is more important.
The money or Cousin Big Cousin Big of course So you still have a heart Come to me if anything goes wrong Here's one month's wage. Take it Are you firing me No, this is your one month's bonus Please do your best to preserve my stall That sounds human. I'll start Cousin, we'll follow you for a living "I, I want... I want your..." "I want your... I want your love" Cousin, I'm at the entrance Don't I told you to watch me I fell from bed onto the floor I nearly fell into another room But you didn't wake up Fire! -Where's the fire?
-Here What now Put it out Put it out It's put out, it's all right Cousin Fire again Cousin Big, what now What now Cousin, come out. I'm waiting Cousin Big, don't be impulsive Go away -Please don't
-Go away Your hand's stuck -Cousin Big
-I must go Cousin Big, I must sacrifice myself Come You're great, you've cooled my desire It's okay. Go to bed It's okay now Remove all earth gods first Remove the 8-diagram mirror Hide the face of the goddess Put aside all garlic and onion Wait Let me search You're wearing a cross Don't scare the spirit out of him I'd better put it into my pocket What A cross chain Remember not to mention the cross Bad What Some more crosses? Put into my pocket No, Mary's in my room Your girlfriend No, Marry the Holy Mother's picture Bad It's serious What's it, Cousin Big I can't see myself Right Let me see What's it Bad, even I can't see myself Right Why Could we all be ghosts? Nonsense It's not so simple. Let's find out We must find out the truth Let's go back and see Why is the mirror missing There's no mirror here I removed it yesterday Bastard, that's no fun at all Watch out I feel something fishy Recently I've been feeling dizzy chilly and light like a feather I've been back for a few days but I never feel hungry or thirsty It seems something's wrong indeed I think so too Could you be unwell I think so too You must see a doctor, Cousin Big See a doctor now before it's too late Right, let me take you there The lift was out of order. I'm breathless Miss Who's seeing the doctor? Line up It's me, miss Register then Keep him company. I'll go to register Miss I can't stand the smell of medicine You didn't say that last time It was different, I was ill Fixed Yes, those nurses are obliging Great. Cousin Yung's okay -Beautiful
-So-so Mr Chou, take your cousin's temperature Take it yourself Mr Wu, open your mouth, please He has no body temperature Am I to do it for him I have an idea Is it finished Not so soon Chang LI-ling, please come in Damn, I took the wrong thermometer How's it, miss A little fever. Go and see the doctor What now Go in with him What's your trouble What's your trouble Aren't you the doctor If he knew, he wouldn't have come You doctors are all like that If you can't find out
you say something to scare Either he has no pulse or he has no body temperature Sometimes you might say he has no breath Are you consulting me or he is He is Let me check Pull up the sleeve He has no heartbeat Is that right He has no body temperature Is that right And he has no breath How's it, doctor? Is he all right? Yes, perfectly all right Thank you. Let's go I knew you're all right There's no point in seeing doctor Thank you, doctor How strange Come back What's the matter My head got twisted after I woke up It can hardly move It's common with sleepers Let me twist it back for you Sit here Sit still I haven't done it yet I'm trying to reduce his pain It really doesn't hurt Good, have a good night's sleep and you'll be all right tomorrow Cousin Big, you don't need my company tonight Do you resent doing it No, if you go on, you may not stand it This is not the right remedy I know, I've thought it over What I've fallen in love with Rose Rose? Who's Rose Since he returned he's seen only the nurses and Miss Wang upstairs A kind-natured man like him won't love a cold-blooded nurse I've decided to marry her and start a new life together I knew he'd be mine Now I can use it after so long Aren't you happy for me Yes Cousin Big, when will be the wedding The sooner the better or I may not control myself He sounds serious But he's a ghost What are you doing? You're sneaky I'll take a bath and go to bed Q, he... From the humanistic standpoint we must stop that It's cruel to tell her that Cousin Yung, you're best for the job Me What are you doing here You've fixed it. What about me How do I know Am I to accompany you all my life and you back out Miss, when have I done that I planned it all by myself I can plan something too But don't be in my way Miss Wang. Open up.
I've something important to talk to you -Go away
-Miss Wang -Give me your word
-Okay -Go now
-Miss Wang, please open up I've something important to talk to you I know You do You mean Cousin Big... Right, it's about him Be mentally prepared before I tell you I already have everything ready Cousin Big is not an ordinary man He's an extraordinary man I don't think it's true but I must believe he's a ghost Must be a ghost, if not a man Listen, he's a male ghost Of course Listen, he was drowned in the Thames last week Are you serious Of course. If you marry him he'll scare you to death Never He walks like a feather Just like you I hear that those ghosts can This way Right, be serious, Put it on Like me Right Help! Help Miss, don't go in. Ghost Come in at once Bad, bad Help What's it Help What happened -What -Go now
-Why -A ghost
-Ghost? Where? Where Come in quick Cousin Big, what happened I don't know Why is it so noisy They've all gone down Have they? Let me go and see You have no pants on What are you up to You may scare them to death I wanted to So I can get someone for company like you did I'm different Mine is already at death's door That's easy Don't be tough I can't wait any longer. After the 14th I'll be a lonely ghost forever You won't want me to go unremembered You think he'll love you I'll make him fall in love at 1st sight Miss Wang, let me do it Come on -Miss, miss
-I'm passing out Cousin Big, lend a hand Lend a hand What is it Q, what are you doing I've done nothing I opened the door and she fell inside How come Help her to the sofa Bring balm at once I'll call an ambulance.
She seems to have been raped She's used to it What did you say She's my cousin For the head Gi, told you not to come too late Now you're in such a mess Where am I Don't be afraid. You're safe now Excuse me Cousin. I met a thug Thug A villain. I'm afraid They're all good men -Lie down and take a rest
-Right, they're all good men Cousin, do you care for her Take care of her It hurts Where Here Rub it for me Rose, jealous? She's your cousin I must help her I was putting a towel over her Why use your eyes Who'll help me if I drop my quilt As of tonight, I'll do it for you It means three ghosts I our house Right Q's in a dangerous situation Wish he had a lucky charm The ordinary are always lucky Cousin Big would help him. He adores him Are you going to stand by We may take Cousin Big for a dead man but we must help Q. Come back with me Come back? Yes Cousin, man can't win over ghost Right, good won't compete with evil We must wait till they're asleep Asleep? Would ghosts sleep Don't be sorry. I'll be responsible I'm damned, I've failed my ancestors I've failed myself and you Idiot, it's love Don't be mushy How am I to face the people I'm not afraid. Why are you No one would know if we keep it to ourselves Where are you going Get a tablet and have the married name added A tablet Although I wasn't born a Wu But now I'm a ghost member of the Wu clan What did you say Soon you'll understand So it's here At last there's a shrine Enshrined I'll tell you later. Excuse me Where are you going at this hour To tell my parents about us Why are you walking this side To save walking through the stairs Bye-bye. Wait for my good news Watch out So she's flying down the street May I dance with you Play him like a toy It's fun You're sweating. Let me wipe it for you Gi, how long have we known each other Already two hours But it looks like ages Frankly, we can't get along because we have nothing in common Never. We met by chance, but we love each other Cousin, what now I'll lure Q out and you take him away Would you regret it No. I'm ready to do anything for you Go up. You can see our future You'll go to paradise soon Put your head in. We'll meet inside Q, don't stand on the table. Come down I'll get someone to fix the fan Q, is she your girlfriend Don't be in the way. I'm going to paradise No hurry. Miss, he's a bit cranky Don't scare your girlfriend I'm going to paradise Take a taxi. I'll pay for it Go now Yes, go now He's coming out. Take care of him Many people outside daren't come in Don't be afraid Q, run quick Q, what are you doing Miss, let's talk it over The day's breaking soon Q, come here Q, tell them you're ready to die for me Yes, I must be with her You'll die if he doesn't Cousin, everyone has his own wish Don't stop him if he wants it Yes, but I don't want Q to die Keep an eye on Q Cousin Big, this house is haunted Right Yes, let's go together I told you not to come back I can't help it Bad, Q How are we to go down -We'll get killed if we jump
-Right We must, for the sake of Q Wait for me I can't find my underpants Underpants Where's the underpants Q -Is it all right
-I don't know Q You are already too late This makes sure of no reincarnation for you Choose the undies you like KISS ME Come here and help me rescue Q Quick. Stop his backside We'll be finished if it leaks Help Master, help It's terrible The ghosts are coming down. Run -Run quickly
-Go upstairs quick You're still holding the underpants She may smell it Where's Q Q? Missing I mustn't kill my lover with my own hands I'm not afraid of paints Run yourself to death them He tries to kill himself Q Take him to kitchen -Q, don't do anything foolish
-You won't let me die Do you know what you're doing Help Block the entrance Q, come out I want to die Keep it up What are you doing Keep away! Don't touch him Take away the plug Block the entrance What now Wait till the dawn Right, ghosts are afraid of the dawn Cousin, you play well Don't expose it Coming again Why should we be afraid of her Well, why should we be afraid of ghosts Man's afraid of ghosts Not always Would ghost be afraid of men I think ghosts try to scare
because they're afraid Right, nothing has happened to us No To save our home, let's fight Don't be afraid of her. Come on... Scare her I'll kill you Q, you want to die You're bewitched by a ghost You think so I know she's a ghost Keep away Gi It's dawn It's not me Q, I must leave -Gi Don't tug at me Follow him Gi Q, open the door Q, I must leave I'll go with you I won't hurt you. Let me go I won't let you go -See you again next life
-Q, open up Gi, Gi She's gone Gone Q, so much the better.
Man and ghost can't love each other Forget her Someone's pressing the bell Who are you looking for We...we're...the Wangs Old gentleman, you'd better talk We're the Wangs. My daughter told me in dreams She's married a Wu Te-ta Does he live here, please I'm Wu Te-ta. What do you want Mr Wu Te-ta Yes Splendid What's this MY---my daughter Your daughter Excuse us. Our wish's fulfilled She can be enshrined now. Wait I...I'm so happy She wants you to enshrine her Darling Cousin Big, Miss Wang's dead This people I love have left me And those I hate live forever I don't mean you. I won't stay on earth Cousin Big, in fact you're already dead What'd happen if you die twice Am I really dead? I can be with her then Darling, I'm coming, I'm coming... So they've all left Bad, where's Q I'm going too. Bye-bye a -Bastard
- It was only for fun
