Zooming With The Homies

foreign [Music] [Music] 79 West Coast 10 to 12 only East girl you better tune into it and boy I try to tell you that the new Big movement sit down and catch a Vibe cut it for foolish food that's what you can Bank on to the bank don't cut the more my better re-watch came strong you are not tuned into human with the zombies [Music] yo welcome welcome back to the first zooming with the homies for 2023 we got a fantastic show for you guys uh thank you to everybody that uh pulled up today thank you for everybody that has consistently asked for the show to be back definitely wanted to bring this show back early but scheduling is hard man [ __ ] that's that's the next show scheduling is hard but we back now so that's all that matters we're gonna have a great time we got a great great lineup for you guys and we got a special guest popping in so um going forward we are probably going to be doing these on Sundays while I'm on the road if there's ever a situation where I'm traveling on a Sunday we'll get a guest host but we back we backing this thing man very excited to be here fire ass lineup for you guys and uh yeah we're just gonna get it started just like this it's been a while since I did this so uh we're gonna we're gonna hope everybody gets gets gets it going I get it going directly to everybody let's get it going ladies and gentlemen my dog gonna start calling him a baby face gangster because he just shaved off his facial hair but he's one of the funniest to ever touch a microphone swear to God man I've never seen someone so creative uh let's go puff and just makes him look so effortless ladies and gentlemen you guys have seen them all over the country all over bro put your hands together welcome to the show Miss Esau McGraw children with the whole man what's up sauce man chilling here with these dark ass lips man what's happening bringing dark lips back again dark lips and dark gums out here I see I see you man what's up what's up what's going on what you've been working on saw myself a black man lays off all his facial hair I automatically assume I got a court hearing oh he booked something and I'm gonna go with book something because just be in trouble like that so I'm just gonna go with you book something is that cool I just I just had I just had a beard for like five or six years man I've I forgot what I look like I don't believe that [ __ ] at all if you ever look out for something from Esau [ __ ] um we got somebody in the building who uh is just the epitome of femininity and also owning her own [ __ ] ladies and gentlemen this person is one of the also another hilarious comedian uh one of the most prettiest Comedians and one of the most honest comedians on stage I remember I will never forget her set that she did and keep the distance when she was uh it was crazy because she had told us how she was thinking about stopping comedy right before this set because she was a new mom uh going to post uh the party um and it was just crazy how that set really turned her life around and also just really just made people so aware of her presence and her comedic genes ladies and Gentlemen please put your hands together welcome back to show Miss Kenisha what's up what's up no I'm hungover I'm trying to drink every water I can right now what did you do last night Chinese restaurant for my best friend I do an annual Memorial every year and so you know that's just the best excuse in the world to be dumb faded and not responsible for your actions like y'all know I was screaming 13 years later yeah I'm still grieving turn up so it's just so now I'm sitting here just drinking liquid IV and I'm like yo this is rough in your 40s [ __ ] my baby about to be here about to put on some cocoa melon she's not getting a mom today she's got a baby today is hilarious my roommate what's the liquid IV uh liquid IV is like drinking four glasses of water at once so it's like if you would have got an iv but you could drink it and you could get them everywhere you just mix it with your water so it's super hydration it's great for hangovers what it tastes like uh Tropical Islands they got different flavors but I get the one in the blue bag uh the tropical island so it's good especially if you just running around you know especially with traveling and stuff they're good to have you just pop them that's like drinking it's liquid IV that's everything you need in it I'm all about deficiency I drink one of them [ __ ] and then drink four Waters right there man take me a piss and I'm straight for the day there you go but I'm glad [ __ ] before I go drinking yeah you can you need to go drink one right now you scaring the [ __ ] out of me next up man uh thanks so much for being here because I got an even skin tone my boy said my face is the same color as hog head cheese [Music] baloney I'm done next up ladies and gentlemen he always got something going on but it's a movie a web series a new commercial uh a commercial being brought back because it did so well clothing line a new rap artist album coming out he always got something going on and whatever he's doing he's doing it amazingly ladies and gentlemen you see him over there the flannel Phenom himself Mr BTS foreign how you doing I'm great fantastic man I'm in uh Seattle man I miss you [ __ ] man I miss y'all and I love y'all hey you in my hometown you're funny right now man it's been it's been great it looked it looked good I saw the video from uh was it last night or the night before [ __ ] was crazy you know I'm saying packed out yeah commercial oh yeah you know what I mean little Insurance running right now hey those residuals add up my boy I need them all too I need all of them I didn't know we had to pay our our uh our agents about I forgot we got to pay Agents from our residual checks right at the end of the end of the year email was like so yeah you paid commission on residuals they they if they if you booked it through your agent yeah you pay commission on residuals I never knew Tony Baker Boys I never knew absolutely yep yep I forgot about that I didn't divide and conquered all my agencies though I got seven different people don't nobody know who to ask for sure that's also that also means you want to get 30 of your pay [ __ ] this is also true thank you so much for being here man we're gonna keep it moving next up ladies and gentlemen he is uh God damn creative genius there's no other way to say it uh he is a uh a puppeteer I don't know if it's a puppeteer I would say Puppeteer um uh why it is a Creator content creator stand up comedian actor you know what I'm saying you're running out of space on the resume uh and he is also one of the top Roasters in the world ladies and gentlemen put your hands together welcome back to the show Detroit's own Mr C P p I just realized you said Todd Russell I thought you said top Grocers I was like yeah is [Laughter] I just talked lazy hell y'all are not in the damn uh in the South y'all just be dropping syllables like [ __ ] it's top Roasters I don't know I don't know why that [ __ ] being lazy to hear love roast you know what a hand done hey man all right hey that hey let's say my [ __ ] cause I'm gonna be doing what the [ __ ] cause that is definitely a gang L.A Huntsville because you know in La you wear this hat you're automatically Affiliated so yeah I'm gonna take this on the road with me because I can wear it in Huntsville ain't no games looking for you out here so that's what that's why I got this one already yes these damn games need a logo man it's not fair LLC a lot of them do have llc's that's crazy because think about it if you see me wearing a Laker jersey you can walk above me like what up [ __ ] you a Laker I'm just you know I'm saying it's like are you a Laker like no I'm not a Laker it's like man that's crazy like I mean basically their own merch wish I could I remember while I was on that plane with Arvin you know you know the dreaded commercial as a comedian on the planet what do you do this [ __ ] this older white lady asking what he did and uh nickel arva said he was uh he said he was the accountant for the Crips that lady shut up so fast so fast I've never seen somebody shut up so fast next up ladies and gentlemen got a special guest in the house since it was the first woman with the homies I was like let me just see how many of my friends I can I can pull up all at once uh you guys know him because he is uh the co-host of a number of my shows he's the content creator he's also a musician uh he's a musical artist uh he's a PO it's not much this [ __ ] can't do man this this [ __ ] don't miss ladies and gentlemen you know I'm all as Pat Cloud I know it's my brother y'all welcome back to the show Mr Patrick we love that what's up [ __ ] hey it was the end of your note was the end of your list poet I didn't know that but you popped in poetie as hell what's up everybody man right now got the new cloudy but that [ __ ] pant is so cold at marketing he just watched he rocks whatever he's gonna drop real quick so you can get it damn I'm gonna get the red bandana I think it's continuous steal his [ __ ] and now it's gang affiliated can't nobody wear it we're like oh yeah I was nervous about going into the red and the blues but you know little clouds on it nobody would get pressed but with that they like blobs those are those are blogs hey don't do that hey no Loki though CP you're a what's up are you a Laker joke is is is so la like that literally the confusion that we have out here but it's just it's how it is so it is yeah you see I don't wear [ __ ] I just be like man I wish it was different you know what I'm saying when I was in college I switched to hockey hats because I found out that literally all the hats that I liked had a gang affiliation to them so I just went to Pittsburgh Penguins like nobody even knew [Laughter] [Laughter] what you got to do that's damn man what you got when did you move out to uh L.A so I came out to LA in 2002. okay still still as bad when you got out there huh was the gang [ __ ] still as bad when you got out there in the 90s yeah yeah I mean it was bad but you know I wasn't hanging out nowhere or no he was nowhere laughing [ __ ] I'm doing so is I I grew up in the hood where I came from I'm not gonna go to a hood that I know to a hood that I don't know that's good that's very good yeah yeah I'm gonna pay this high ass rent amen how's the new year breaking out for everybody how's everybody doing with the new year amen the New Year's working out for me to me it's just I'm still going I don't give a [ __ ] what day it is okay all right it's December it's December 41st [Laughter] okay that's hilarious what about you CP I mean I ain't gonna lie that was the quickest two weeks I've ever seen right 14 or whatever the [ __ ] it is already it was just New Year thank you so I mean you know it's cool man a lot of blessings is coming this year is going to look nice like the trajectory you know what I'm saying like you know I think you know last time we was on one of these you know I'm saying really grossing for you um oh it's gross when you get money when [ __ ] look at their bank accounts like oh that [ __ ] gross how's your bank account look and see CP he's supposed to say gross Make It Count gross what I live gross what I meant yeah I know I know these you said what decent is on the edge oh yeah decent man you get covered [ __ ] on this program hey let me tell you something if you got a baby it's programs coming everywhere a little food stamps for starters anybody been on that you can't evict me program [ __ ] I wish that they don't have it they don't recognize that program out in Glendale my butt really y'all get your ass cleaned up out of there he made me too nervous I feel like they were going to collect it right after the the pandemic I felt like they were going to collect on everybody luckily we didn't have to do that man we we kind of we kind of blew up in the pandemic honestly honestly like just to be honest you know what I'm saying like uh yeah man zooming with the homies uh keep your distance oh man we did a lot of [ __ ] like just kept ourselves busy you know what I'm saying and that's what's up like yeah yeah the pandemic birthed a lot of stuff the the timing of it it was right when uh I was dropping burden is hard and because people that have nothing to do that [ __ ] just blew up and then Zoom with the homies just it just it kept me busy to uh to a crazy level of uh activities that I didn't even think that I was gonna be able to to do and even with all deaf man that's all deaf uh the pandemic birth Squad cast and everybody yeah so you know like it's just it's amazing man how made something out of nothing out of a situation that seemed so dire at the time it feels like it's moving the right direction because uh last these last couple years have been tough on especially for comments man I'm just glad that we're we're here and you know I mean we we moving forward bro I just leave a lot of the the negative [ __ ] back there I don't I don't want to see if I'm not [ __ ] with it I'm on all positivity for the going forward man you sound like a [ __ ] that just broke up with a horrible girlfriend there's a new vibration I learned my lesson I'm moving with trust always he definitely he definitely is that's why the [ __ ] got on a flannel onesie right now I'm taking my Christmas pajamas yeah [Laughter] [Laughter] now he's gonna look threatening [Laughter] here's the [ __ ] because I only got so close I don't know what the [ __ ] to put on now back on what are you doing they put on that sequin jacket you be wearing BT how did you see this is worse you lost all the [Laughter] on a date now you look like a horrible lawyer yes you're not gonna get nobody out like I got your [ __ ] somewhere here don't worry about it see oh it is that's the clue when people say if I win the lottery I ain't telling nobody but there will be Clues that's how you know yeah what's going on how's your New Year coming lady uh you know it's it's coming I'm starting a books um stuff already so I'm excited about that and just trying to get on the road more and just sling these jokes I've been writing and I got a pitch meeting for a couple things that I've been holding on to so I'm very excited about what's coming up and my daughter's about to be four and I feel like I just had her and she's very self-sufficient so it makes my life easier because all her friends are 40 so being is like a 40 year old so I just I'm excited uh that she can do a lot of [ __ ] by herself so your daughter's home girls ain't 40. everybody I'm all her friends are 40. there's no kids around well oh yeah the pandemic yeah she was she's a pandemic baby and then um you know everybody I hang with is old so I just have this old ass young child with my personality so information you also got you're working on a new podcast right hey yeah us how did I even forget that yes secret menu with me and Miss fair and more um and it is going to be a wildly informative podcast and just it's about seeking out your uh sexuality and your kinks and your fetishes we're gonna have sex therapists we're gonna have people come in and doing demonstrations on us so we're going to take these Kink tests and stuff like that and then go through the list of you know the things demonstration on y'all um so say we like I'm trying to think what what can I say it's a lot of [ __ ] that's gonna happen so I don't know so say somebody comes in with no no no no no no secret menu is not about food so we'll have um say you're in the spanking or flogging somebody will come in and spank it and we'll see because we're going to go on the list we don't know everything um where we rank on the list so we'll be surprised thank me because my nuts are too big you [ __ ] around my nests from the back we'll cup them reach down and couple them and then we can you know hell no you don't know about getting in the cuts okay that's why yeah yeah if he was Greek you would know never like it you could do it you got it but that's about that yeah secret menu food in the bedroom we can make some Ragu Sauce they could pour it on it's like you know what I do like food it's about finding what you like and don't like and experiencing it so and making people feel comfortable about their Kinks and fetishes because you know people kind of look down on a lot of sexual recipe somebody said what is vlogging Kanisha big ass piece of wood well they have different types uh go ahead too she got it I'm learning so I'm not an expert on the show I'm going to be learning these things foreign [Laughter] carpet [Laughter] laughs I just want a hug hey boy 62 bank account gross [ __ ] on your side do you have the uh I like that jacket though production up you have your YouTube open cool you make sure you don't have your YouTube open because I was saying I don't have nothing I'm on the phone oh [ __ ] it ain't you there all right if anybody else has the YouTube up make sure that it's muted so uh you won't get the um oh my YouTube is open yeah muted uh really he's a BT where is where are your shoulders you mute the TV oh it's turned all the way down okay uh Pat what's been going on with you man how was your New Years ah man I'm I'm blessed I I like this year so far um I feel like it it's a little early but still uh I got a lot of uh you know cool projects coming up I'm definitely got a big project for black history coming up where I can uh shine some Spotlight on my own City LA which is pretty fun I'm locked man you have to Black History Month is yours it is I had a pretty good uh Black History Month last year yeah Black History Month you see Pete Black History Month that's me you got locked today you ain't nothing blacker than locks right I'm gonna just be standing in the park [Laughter] you say what you look like Danny Glover and Homer Simpson [Laughter] s out of here you celebrate Black History Month [Laughter] [Laughter] uh we were going to Joshua Tree for New Year's Eve I said yo we're gonna get a big house you know I'm saying pull up it's gonna be great so we get there and I hit him up I'm like yo you still pulling up this [ __ ] shoots me back a video of him being pulled by a dog sled in Alaska oh yeah the most random [ __ ] ever bro he had never mentioned anything about going out of the state and you just shoot me this video snow everywhere and he put him being pulled by 18 dogs it was the most random [ __ ] ever he said what what you just in there did you go back no no no that's what he got stuck at right no Alaska was during I I've never seen Alaska during this the snow I only went there during the summer this was like the like the like the Outback of Wyoming yeah it was a place called Jackson Hole oh I heard the strippers in Alaska make the most money in the world really exactly I feel like that could be true too the orange juice was like nine dollars nine dollars ain't no women strippers are probably cold as hell in Alaska like literally about all the hood [ __ ] in Alaska no oh my God they got a hood in Alaska listen it look like where a bunch of [ __ ] is running away from a little [ __ ] hood and Alaska bro [ __ ] we get down out here too yeah like there's nothing there bro all the new CDs we get them uh they're bragging about getting music everything on DVD we got right like 15 years ago but they up they're thugging look it up on YouTube Bro is this a documentary yes like this white dude went up there like and there's really an urban area in Alaska they like what up they lived this ain't right here look [Laughter] [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] yeah before they switch over to uh Electric the next five years charges and challenges you know like they haven't been crazy modified and all of that with low lower mileage they can go up for like a hundred thousand dollars in the next five years because you won't be able to get them stupid as hell because I get one of them electric [ __ ] fast as [ __ ] right [ __ ] that's gonna be the fastest car out yeah but I mean it's gonna be the charges and the challenges they're gonna be like the new old schools so like I know where it said it's gonna be that because you won't be able to get that [ __ ] I wonder if gas is cheap in Alaska because I mean where are you really going though so that [ __ ] you ain't gonna use a lot of it so we're driving around the gas station yeah I feel like everything in Alaska is is that like down the street is 18 miles [ __ ] you gotta take a little sea plane yes we definitely have to take a c plane we'll be up in Alaska so is that how they do the drive-bys they do the flybyss snowmobiles everybody be quiet [Music] [Laughter] noise cause we ain't no [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah ridiculous we about to go get them [ __ ] right now in Alaska is wild as [ __ ] you try to kill everybody [Laughter] should be illegal up there they have floors it's not all ice like a cartoon [Laughter] Molotov would destroy them back in my mind there's no way that the snow can win I don't give me a whole mountain of stuff go fishing do you understand that would do nothing oh [Laughter] bear said we're talking about Alaska like it's a small City and this [ __ ] is a whole ass statement it's a big state that it's so big it's huge it's been scaled down on maps my whole life and if you see like a scale of how big it is compared to the the rest of the US it's pretty easy it's huge Alaska is bigger than California it's bigger it can fit like a bunch of Texas's in it yeah Alaska's huge Africa's huge they just scaled them down on the map I can't never tell I can't never tell how big like how I can't never either because with uh on my [ __ ] when you look at a map [ __ ] according to my map [ __ ] California like California is right next to Alaska and Hawaii [ __ ] it's like because of the little box yeah yeah it's a 10 minute flight oh mine the Box the box from Hawaii makes it really misleading that that trip is a lot of water underneath yeah yeah really white Hawaii's long this is how crazy it is to to get there it took us damn near a day especially like once you land in uh I'm sorry in Alaska like depending on what part you're going to it can take you a day getting back took us two days because there are certain flights that only leave up until like noon so if you don't get to that City I think we flew out of Anchorage if you don't get to Anchorage before the last fight leaves out you basically ought to wait until the next day so you can catch a flight out so getting home was a full two days wow damn hold on I thought Alaska was up here by Seattle don't it seem like it's like Seattle then it's like Canada Vancouver and then right there is Alaska it's like Alaska is pretty close you can get there for like in a two-hour flight from Seattle but you got to understand you're at the bottom bottom of Alaska like Alaska it keeps going up we were we were in uh Haynes which is like it's literally like the like the bottom of Texas if if we're talking about Alaska but it keeps going on past past Canada and it's huge like if you watch a scale video that shows Alaska compared to the US it's it's gigantic they our Maps just didn't show that really and they made Alaska look real small but it's here yeah they got they got something up there bro you if besides the ore for you to just go just go massive ass piece of land like that and don't it never encourage [ __ ] up there yeah Seattle's here you have to fly over all of the or they probably just fly this way and then you land in here no we were weren't we uh we weren't in Anchorage we didn't land in Anchorage first no we were in Juno and that's it that's all right that's even that's in the uh the bottom bottom like the part that's touching Canada yeah that's right yeah we were in that part yes and we flew here we flew from oh [ __ ] so we were nowhere close to oh I wasn't like practice Alaska [Laughter] look at my little city from Russia you say what you know you can see it from their Windows if you ask Sarah Palin yeah do you really see Russia [ __ ] bro like man that little Hood in Alaska was probably right in there like you know what I'm saying yeah right now I'm coming to get me [Laughter] um uh scenery that you've ever seen but it was it was it was a it was a crazy trip to get there like I had never flown one on a seaplane and I've also had never flown on just like a like a single engine plane and like a propeller plane you feel everything there's no insulation it's cold inside the floor was literally wood it was literally like two by fours it's like riding in the 32 Chevy [ __ ] a model eight dumb uh also guys don't forget to uh don't forget to throw your uh your cash would like to get blessed by the the crowd if y'all want to uh go ahead and bless any of the people up here with a little something and cash app y'all go ahead do that make sure you type in and cash out correctly because you know the scammers are out there I remember when I was doing first of all doing zombie I had just happened to hop on cash app and search my name there was like five other accounts that looked or two r's [ __ ] was just cashing in so ain't no telling how much money they got away with but make sure you type into people's name correctly if you want to hit them with a little something y'all want to change your name see cash app you can do that as well I never thought about that that's probably hell there might be a patch of cloud because I'm not Patrick Cloud on cash app at all oh yeah I'm probably hella Patrick clouds froze oh my God is he Frozen oh I wish we got it somebody screenshot that face that he was frozen that was hilarious we've been talking about Alaska too much this whole thing was like him I'm out of here it looked like he was the last thing he saw before somebody like yeah he typing from his living room type it with his living room were born open I know he watches zooming with the homies while he at church [Laughter] yeah somebody said they even got a picture of you I saw the ones where they had my picture on the cash app like it was me they I mean yeah man they go to they go to no extent to get that money I saw you on the uh teesprings commercial [ __ ] you popped up first you need to hear yeah the last time I was on zooming with the homies right you sons of [ __ ] said I look just like the dad um Fresh Prince Fresh Prince daddy right yeah hey I'm sitting here looking at my reflection on this thing and I'm like I got on the same [ __ ] thing again so you know what I'm gonna go ahead and kill myself [Laughter] a flannel you can wear bro if you want to switch I got the flap out at the bot oh yes oh my gosh after that just happened when I first started acting class one of my first acting classes in La was Tasha Smith's acting uh class and bro we had to do a scene I swear eight out of 10 [ __ ] did that same scene everybody that same scene including myself you made it seem like you were the one that was yeah right I keep doing something different did the same scene all of us hey that [ __ ] to here was really mad that they stole his hour ain't nobody gonna think it is exactly because I was like number five to go up oh man you gotta get a little St Louis [Laughter] I boarded up buildings without him down I'm not sorry [Laughter] can you do it without the peanut butter and jelly sandwich please [Laughter] everybody had to do one theatrical scene what scene would it be oh that's easy I always wanted to do remember when uh Ahmad had to bring the family together for one last Sunday no his plan was so dumb that he had to break down a drama scene would you do for an audition oh [ __ ] uh uh yeah that wasn't good thank you I don't know give me a second come back to me okay well but while you think about it I'll tell you so when you first come to La like I wasn't ready for monologues or anything like that and uh what's the guy that does the big casting call every year what the what is you guys know he does all the plays and everything Productions no no no uh no David E Talbert David E Talbert in La he used to those those masks auditions so I they were like come be able to sing and um tell your jokes so I'm in line and I'm watching people make themselves cry and I'm like what is everybody doing they was like oh you got to do a monologue and I was not and this is on my child's life I went in there and did the crossroads as a monologue because I didn't have one so uh that's so and I was in there just man and like it was everybody no because he just like and I missed my Uncle Charles y'all like it was buried you should give it to us right now [Music] listen listen I did I did Crossroads at a karaoke but I didn't have anything else like and I was like [ __ ] I can't think of any TV that was like all I know is the crossroad this is 13 years ago and I was just super like yeah we need it right now please you like this you're getting ready okay and I miss my Uncle Charles y'all [Laughter] because you're supposed to be in it you can't just see you at the cross that's how you come out when they're doing a mug you start like you sitting like I'm hurt like I'm just sitting there I'm just trying to figure it out you know what I'm saying just drop in whatever you're ready it yeah I'm sorry because I missed my patrol okay and actually and I miss my Uncle Charles y'all he shouldn't be gone yo he should be gone in front of his home I'm trying to tell you what they did to rule was wrong it was so wrong you know I'm sorry okay so wrong yeah I believe it [Laughter] divider you got it oh [ __ ] so that's it but yeah I was waiting for her to get to the apartment like and I missed my Uncle Charles y'all they shouldn't be going in front of his own that's what I did I just did see I did it so well you didn't know it started Melody the melody without the Melody I was completely oblivious to it but it couldn't have no Melody exactly that's what I'm telling you but Uncle Charles uh you did you use the words yes I didn't use the Melody I just used the words okay all right yeah you can't go in there on the melody no I already did it but we yeah you seen it that was really good Kenisha I was like wow her uncle though exactly all right so here pull me up baby I'm ready man let's get it okay okay here we go there we go all right BT you know you know sometimes like this to rhyme like this you know oh God Meek Mill oh I had to cry like that to shine like this another [ __ ] time I spent on some locked up [ __ ] [Laughter] [Laughter] auditioning with um rap lyrics Here We Go good morning class um my name is Mr Gotti Mr corrupt Gotti and uh if you take out your pens of paper we will begin today's lesson just want to take notes now if corrupt gave a [ __ ] about a [ __ ] I'd always be broke right right I never have no [ __ ] Endo to smoke I get smoked and loony and I have to tell her sometimes [ __ ] you can't do me do we look like BPD you hope she groupie I I have no love for hosts and that's something that I learned in the past to how the [ __ ] am I supposed to pay this hole just to lay this hole right right that was a pussy's mine I'm gonna [ __ ] a couple more times and then and only then I'm through with it right nothing else to do with it I pass it to the homie like you here this ain't nothing but a [ __ ] to me and y'all know that [ __ ] ain't [ __ ] to me I get [ __ ] foreign I have a question Professor so is this all in reference to whether or not corrupt give a [ __ ] about a [ __ ] or not well I mean I I I think he's just saying in in the in the presence of the song that it ain't no fun that the homies can't have none gosh it is so little [ __ ] that it shouldn't even questioned if it if he does give one therefore only proving that it ain't no fun if the homies can't have enough because I give a [ __ ] so what you're saying so what you're saying Professor is that he actually never gave any [ __ ] and that's the reason why he's willing to share his support absolutely okay he could have had a collection of Lifetime [ __ ] delivered to his front yard and he would have never gone outside to collect one wow that's ruthless yes can I can I can I take us through um a history lesson please yes yes I mean let me set you up please for a second there you go and here's an excerpt from the third Century General War as he approached um and I quote armed and dangerous ain't too many that can hang with us straight up weed you can label us notorious um somewhat thug ass [ __ ] that love to bust and it's strange to us how y'all [ __ ] be scrambling gambling restaurants with mandolins and violins Meanwhile we're sitting here trying to win try knocking a little high off weed lots of gin so much smoke that we need oxygen steadily counting them Benjamin my [ __ ] you shoot too if you knew I forgot the Ritz that I've been through there was a so-called beef with you know who [ __ ] the food yeah and the blue light [ __ ] move like Mike but [ __ ] that's not to be [ __ ] with [ __ ] better duck quit you see me and my dogs love the bug [ __ ] [ __ ] the love [ __ ] it's prickly aimed with no aspirations to quit the game you spit Your Game you talk your [ __ ] you grab your dad you call your clits squeeze your clip hit the right one though cause he passed that we had a glass of light once all these hoes got to like one my situation is a tight one what you want to do fight or run seems to me you'll probably take bone and Thug bone and B [ __ ] die slowly imma tell you like a [ __ ] told me that cash rules everything around me [ __ ] literally [ __ ] can't see me you know buy the coke cook the coke [ __ ] it know the [ __ ] before you call yourself loving it a [ __ ] with a Benz he's gonna [ __ ] it doesn't seem odd to you we come through with margin Crews good for this time for the most good crew but I ask you this question who's the killer I hear you oh um I like it it was yeah you know and you know what they won that war too yeah I loved it that was gorgeous hey this might be it might be a new show rap monologues oh ah did you do something for me I'm here for it rich Flex for me [Laughter] all right I'll do one that was a good time man I got one let's go fast searches back I mean gets back in all right I gotta I got a detective I got a uh a detective monologue I'm auditioning for the role of uh Atlanta detective okay okay hmm seems to be some dirty soda in the styrofoam I think whoever was here he spent a day and got his mind blown [Music] a lot of drugs in here seems like he dressed it up and went to NASA tire marks seems like he had he had 200 miles on the dash you know I think he was switching lanes in the Grand Rapids foreign he thinks he was the one that was keeping it cool with [ __ ] until all these [ __ ] started acting all these illegal counterfeit bills I think he was bawling like it was [ __ ] March Madness yeah all these other cops shoot [ __ ] it's tragic he was living lavish like he was playing for the Mavericks something something something oh yeah we cracked the case was that the last line yeah shooter fell with a bunch of [ __ ] shoot a film shoot a [ __ ] like a film gonna make a movie we gonna let them have it yeah balling like it's March Madness and then it says a lot of the same information that is hands down I think he had his mask on that that March Madness is one of my favorite [ __ ] songs spiritual I I definitely definitely that's definitely one of my favorite songs yeah that was crazy that [ __ ] make me want to like I ain't never been a fan of Grand Nationals but that [ __ ] make me want a Grand National Grand Nationals that might be one of my favorite old schools really yeah I love Nationals dog it always looked too much like the cop car and so like where we from we just like ma we good [ __ ] that's just no no no no no no no no no you thinking Grand Marquis but they don't look that much different do they ah Grand National is a is a is like a uh oh it looked like the Monte Carlo no yeah Monte Carlo is a Grand National like a Cutlass ah a Cutlass yeah Cutlass is a Grand National door yeah yeah you know what I'm saying 87 or 89. the thing that killed him is that they only came in really two colors all you're gonna see I mean it's black and you might see a couple cranberry ones right yeah they're tight they look metal as hell though yeah them old school cars used to be built they so fast man I love Grand Nationals I was definitely thinking about the grand marquito mm-hmm I was definitely thinking about the grandma oh no see but Nicholas would like uh Marauders was [ __ ] around with them uh Hey to here yeah I have my uh rap song audition oh please by all means sir I apologize let's get it going yeah um hi everybody uh my name is Esau McGraw and uh I'm auditioning for the serial killer yeah like a bratwurst yeah yeah I'm called the bratwurst killer yeah faster weapon bratwurst is my complexion please please continue sir air fryer brought work I can see that and I'm the serial killer in the movie and in this monologue I am I'm confessing my love for a woman who have never met me and I've never met I've been stalking her for years okay there I was sitting in my room staring at the wall all of a sudden I heard my conscience call um I'm sitting in my room giggling about the games if you think if you listen to the the song I Need Love it sounds like a serial killer yeah oh yes I have never heard somebody you get it you get the role you get it yeah okay wait I wanna know now we all don't reduce I'm gonna redo baby let me bring a little light Little Love Story you know what I mean um uh about the situation for the role of Scruffy citizen number two you can start whenever you're ready well the role of uh slope shoulders number two man I bet just [ __ ] so fun so bad she made me sick sometimes man [ __ ] one time okay uh buy some gifts for the dude that he dating and still jumping you know like second anniversary I'll congratulate that you know I mean well she had ass so fat man I I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't I I couldn't help the way that she that she filled them pants it seems it seems to me she had had the whole world in her ass you know I mean I walked by I was walking behind her I'm whispering like love songs and [ __ ] you know I I saw walking past his bathing suit so I told the tribe she was fine I light brown eyes you know I mean [ __ ] I'm shopping for a lady [ __ ] about your side you know what I mean so I paid for it you know I mean I told her she could keep it walked out that goddamn store that's our secret you ain't gonna believe this later down the hall she kept running bags about to bust blouse Winkle still stunning I've done it somebody said his characters think we had no context you said scruffy [ __ ] I am finished I've been trying to redeem myself you know what I mean I mean that was um you're hired [Laughter] character musty [Laughter] hey Patrick yo what else you learn without me hilarious okay I didn't I didn't get it I don't get it either this [ __ ] like he raped potatoes give me them goddamn potatoes he was he went back to the Will Smith it was a callback what else did you do [Laughter] CP you look like cely's son when he came home [Laughter] I don't care what kind of potatoes it is sweet potatoes [Laughter] you said it looked like a sweet potato you bastard again all right let me know I love my real life is inspiration yeah God damn that was great oh [ __ ] yes [Music] actually [Music] you're lying bro um Charlie Wilson yeah I mean like as the Miker he was literally singing like serenading him uh yeah as a mic as a mic he was just sinking into an actual game you know old [ __ ] thought that was clever as hell yeah yeah Mike don't you got some big ass teeth man he like if you brought him a lollipop and ask him how many licks he had bited on the third legs I mean no dentures or them the first dentures no well I mean original video oh you know what I'm thinking about Ronald Isley Ronald Isley look like a vampire to me oh yeah always has Rhino one of his videos come here young man come here not you come here come here did that say fetty WAP remix can I get an exam [Music] old black dudes have bad feet can I get an exam exam [Laughter] and I wish I could I wish I could uh sing you song you used to do that joint uh on stage bro that [ __ ] was so crazy it's so good when I ate all the cake whatever that one I've been singing that [ __ ] for a year before I even became a comedian this was a [ __ ] John Legend [Music] I think I want some fun way yeah the spookiness [Laughter] [Music] going at the the store you had the live band man that [ __ ] was before it's time the people could appreciate the genius that you were trying to give to them man because that [ __ ] it was it was taking comedy to another level like classy we had the live band he was singing up top and then you still had a great lineup of comedians man so I just wanted to take a little time give you some flowers because that [ __ ] was dope as [ __ ] I wish more people understood what you were trying to do and saw the vision man and rally behind it because that [ __ ] was thank you man I still do it really where see [ __ ] shut up you don't be supporting to hear it every Thursday now [Music] I'm drinking flowers to a [ __ ] funeral and he won't oh I think you know [Laughter] you still doing something for real nah just on the road oh okay CCP shut your ass up hey man you saw always always had good things to say and I'd be like [ __ ] I'm I'm here I'm right here look what you're talking about it was oh man that's funny hey you do like Bruce Willis without no facial hair oh [ __ ] I gotta see it I ain't never got Bruce before dude you gotta look deep you like Bruce Willis [ __ ] it's like only a car you gotta find Bruce Willis remember remembering Peter Pan when them kids was looking at Robin Williams face it was spreading his face down [Music] [Laughter] oh my God I hate Peter Pan you know one of my favorite drinks you know what my favorite movie scenes is to hear what and I think it's so underrated when uh Macy Gray was in Training Day and [ __ ] visit Washington house and she was like you gotta worry hey that was the most random role man I was like man Mason Greg never got nominated yeah yeah I was kind of I like I like how she was I mean you know she sounded like she telling the story like her voice sound like the voice you do what you doing somebody else in your story yeah you got to because I'm sexually attracted to stuffed animals and [ __ ] like that I have the biggest crush on Reggie of what no I haven't he said she hasn't she's attracted to Reggie no no no she said animals no she said yeah they're called Furby Eminem [Laughter] [Laughter] [Music] follow me I hate shopping I hate y'all what do you call that real name yeah it's a plushie or a furry it is it is mascots all that I'm like highly sexually so does that means it's all of them like I like I like I used to have the life-size bears and would like to have sex with the Bears and stuff like that like I it's the [ __ ] ears yeah no no no no Instagram he was like [ __ ] hook it up how do you think of stuff bear though what you just ride the bear you put them backward you imitate don't you guys back well it's like you know you know country is blind you ain't never [ __ ] no couch like could be a zipper down in that [ __ ] sometimes ouch wait you go down through the pillow this way you're circumcise yourself well I know that's what they do in jail because they'll take the chicken fat cut a hole in the in the the um mattress and put like chicken fat and stuff in there and then have sex with that that's what I do know same thing yeah and that's the person I'm learning a lot in this too man in his couch pillows that's what they do no you don't need to win a couch when the couch out like that velvet uh [ __ ] you get in there Hot [ __ ] hilarious right yeah [ __ ] he him and little Uzi are refused to get old like bro he's looking for a skunk he's trying to buy a skunk off of somebody rap you know that yeah you know what the part is it's that beginning hey I love that song I say damn to myself a lot damn hey Patrick what's up Esau I never met you before man yes you have but you know yeah you say Grand Rising I think you have a weird personality identity [Laughter] I love it let me tell you something CP once you get over 45 you're gonna be sitting in your living room with a hoodie on the spelling watch you gonna remember this you're gonna remember that's what you're gonna say hey BT then what are you gonna say in his head BT don't worry you got a little ways to go all right man wake up [Music] 70s [Laughter] you got you got some Motown dimples make us [ __ ] you got the Motown teeth you look like a human piano I see skies I look like a piano man yeah at the airport you like airport business I don't have no facial hair um to hear the next time I do zoom in with the homies I'm gonna have a tuxedo on okay okay man um let everybody get uh get on the main stage and let you know what they got coming on if you should look up look out for anything coming up where you can find them and all that socials and all that type of stuff man uh so let's let's kick it off with BT King see what you got for the people BT uh man first and foremost man I appreciate you bro y'all make sure y'all subscribe to the channel y'all know y'all gonna watch anyway I don't know why I'll be so hesitant on that button we're trying to get my brother to a hundred thousand man so uh if you're on that YouTube let's go and click that subscribe button or wherever you watch it at make sure you uh you click on and subscribe to my brother to hear I appreciate the [ __ ] how you feel um also uh shout out to the to the cash app uh uh The Descendant and an objective all right all right so um also uh if you're in Washington last show is tonight at Nate Jackson super funny comedy club the shows have been [ __ ] bananas it's been a a good time uh so please pull up tonight um and listen man follow me on all the shits man BT Kenzie on everything new music coming soon uh [ __ ] new music you rapping me you rapping uh above that man I appreciate you I love y'all you know kings and queens of the Kings the crew I love y'all Queen's lead y'all know it's special Spencer it's lit all right all right CP what you got for the people uh next [ __ ] man um uh oh okay Run the World season two on Stars uh that drops this year they just announced it like it's coming out soon I don't know the date um CP podcast I got some big [ __ ] coming but I can't really talk about it man so there you go see y'all soon coming to a TV near you yeah it is your bus what you got for the people all right well first of all TT I didn't tell you thank you for the introduction you gave me I loved it and appreciated I've been feeling good since then um make sure you guys are on the lookout for a secret menu uh with me and Sarah Moore uh thank you we're not gonna be talking about food but I mean I'm definitely edible um thank you to my cash app uh for everybody that sent something through I definitely appreciate it and you know my bus riders we out here that is my new thing Rihanna got the Navy I got the bus riders so you know that's what I'm getting going this year as well so come get the merch for that and um I'll be at the Globe Theater January 19th so come on out if you're in L.A what yeah it is congratulations thank you so what you got for the people hey man you know I'm working on some big [ __ ] that I can't really talk about right now I've been doing a lot of writing you know what I mean because it shows you know I might even have one I need to pitch the CP you know maybe CCP might want to play the lead you know what I'm saying you know doing stuff like that and you're not just been working on up you know I'm on HBO still and this past year uh we dropped our headline this um special called the headliners so if you haven't seen that go check that out and uh I think variety rated us uh 25 in the top 50 um congrats yeah so that was good and so you know and then I just been doing still doing comedy man just experimenting and uh you know and creating creating writing jokes that's what I've been doing all right thank you man for having me on here man I have a good time every time I come on here man I just want to say Happy New Year to everybody man and uh it's good to see everybody BT man CP I'm gonna come hang out with you on Thursday man because CP makes me [ __ ] laugh it's good to see you katisha uh Kenisha I don't know why uh I said that um and Patrick man good to see you again man bro everybody man make sure you hit the Subscribe button man and tell people to come and watch this show man it's a good show man and um I am not gonna ever wear this beanie in this hoodie used to my face man [ __ ] that my face was my Mama gave me a good face man [ __ ] I ain't gonna grow that beer back for a while that [ __ ] was itching and [ __ ] [ __ ] been turning on like this man and [ __ ] man I got a brush that [ __ ] man too much maintenance I'm just gonna wash my pancake what you got for the people Pat hey nah thanks for having me man um my queen [Laughter] and Esau look like the ninja turtle that never learned karate but anyway [Laughter] [Laughter] I got a bunch of cool stuff I just started a gaming channel called the Cloudy arcade that's where I am right now so go sub to that I got a protect your light.com I got these coming out in uh red and mint green as well as some rugs and um yeah I got some new a new show on all deaf called let me try and another one uh coming out in a few months uh check out thick threads the news uh Pro program with Persephone there's a whole channel for that so yeah just sub to sub to everything that I'm doing it's fun it's fun over here yeah yeah it is um first I want to thank all my guests man I made the decision to bring this back like Wednesday or Thursday I booked everybody like Thursday dropped the flyer I think maybe Friday uh and Pat hopped on at the last minute man so I want to thank everybody for taking time on our schedule uh for pulling up shout out to uh Camille France and Sandra for the donations I definitely appreciate that um we are about 2 000 give or take away from a hundred thousand on my YouTube subscribers when we get to 100 000 subscribers we're doing I'm doing another roast um so get ready for that the closest the faster we get to it the faster y'all get that roast and it's going to be hilarious just like the last one I'm also going to be reposting the roast uh for my patreon subscribers you guys will get it for free everyone else you can re-watch it for five dollars um you'll see flyers and everything about that we're still in Jacksonville Alabama I mean Huntsville Alabama Bama we have one more show tonight and stand up live so if you're in Huntsville you want to pull up pull up tonight it's going to be a great show also more to the story is picking up scene we're going to be hitting uh cities soon so look out for that if you're not watching more to the story I promise you you're missing out we talk about the real [ __ ] I just posted some stuff on my Instagram from my interview I did with Chocolate Sundaes uh the Sunday scoop and cause a whole lot of Hysteria but we live in our troops so anybody that doesn't agree with it God bless you um and uh yeah man we're going to be doing this every Sunday approximately 10 a.m Pacific Standard time and then a case that I can't do it I'll have a guest host but we're gonna try to keep it going shout out to everybody that that was pressing me to come back with the show I definitely wanted to do like I said it was just a timing thing but we back now appreciate y'all pulling up y'all have been an amazing group of audience members shout out to the more mob the scary Squad shout out to the um the mod set that regulate the comments and make sure nobody's getting crazy in the comment comments appreciate y'all as well as always thank y'all for watching man we'll see y'all on the next episode of some with the homies peace guys yes sir

Channel: Tahir Moore

Views: 24,827

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Id: JL937fm1MzM

Length: 87min 11sec (5231 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 15 2023