Today, I want to
talk about secrets. I don't really have any
secrets, I mean, anymore. I used to. I had a really big one for a
long time back in the '90s. You know what I'm talking about. I used to do Viagra
commercials in Japan. [LAUGHTER] And then the whole gay thing. But anyway, I take secrets
very, very seriously. If someone tells me something
that they don't want anyone else to know, I respect that. I am a vault. For instance, when
Mary told me about her rash, I said, I will not tell anyone. I will not tell a soul. And then, Andy, when you
told me about your little-- I said, my lips are sealed. [LAUGHTER] Then, Mary, when
your rash came back-- Yup. And when the doctor
told you, Andy, there was nothing he
could do about it. [LAUGHTER] You didn't hear a
peep from this gal. No. I'm good at keeping secrets. So I asked my audience to
share a few of their own. So right now, it's time
to play a brand new game. It's called, What the
blank is your secret? [MUSIC PLAYING] What the blank is your secret? [APPLAUSE] You know how you do that
when people say-- you do that with your mouth open. Yeah, I know. Yeah, no one goes shh. They go like that. [LAUGHTER] Shh. Shh. All right, here's how it works. We're going to share a secret
from an audience member, and it's going to
miss a few words. And tWitch and I are
going to try to guess what the blank is the secret. So we're going to
get started now. Lewis, where's Lewis? Lewis? [APPLAUSE] All right. All right. Let's see Lewis's secret. In 2019, I kissed blank,
blank at one of her concerts. All right, we know
it's not Madonna because that's a one word. One word. Yeah, yeah. Cher that's also--
so it's not Cher. What kind of music
do you listen to? Let's just say, I'm very
big into '80s pop culture. '80s pop culture. Yeah. '80s pop culture. OK, OK. Where was the concert held? It was in Vegas. It was in Vegas. It was one of her
residences for sure. Her? Aha. No, that limits it. OK. Residency is at Vegas. A residency. Uh-huh. I think I have an idea. It was, yeah, because
2019 was like-- Yeah, yeah. I think I know who it is. All right. I think I know who it is. I'm going to guess
Jennifer Lopez. OK. Who are you going to guess? I'm going to guess Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey? Yes. Well. Very close. I saw her that year,
but no, it wasn't her. It wasn't her? OK, I was wrong. It wasn't her. All right. And it wasn't Jennifer Lopez. It was not Jennifer
Lopez, either. All right. Let's get a letter hint. [DING] Oh, I said I was
like, I don't know. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. You kind of get a
hint, and your body-- your mind just kind of jump at. But you don't know who it is? Obviously, I had no idea. I mean, I just see
Pamela Anderson. That's all I see with P and A. I see Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul. Yeah, yeah, it was? That's who it is? It was. Is that it? Oh, no. All right. [APPLAUSE] And we have a photo of
you kissing, I guess. Oh. [INAUDIBLE] No. [APPLAUSE] Sure bet. That's quite something. That's, yeah, good for you. Yeah. All right. Amazing, amazing. All right. Well, thank you Lewis. Congratulations. All right. [APPLAUSE] And where is Lauren? Lauren? Hi, Lauren. [APPLAUSE] All right. Hello. Oh, I cannot believe that this
is literally happening right now. It is. Yeah, it is. We're going to
reveal your secret. We sure are. Let's talk about it
in front of everyone. My blank, blank is shaped
like a blank, blank. Sure is. Yes. Uh-huh. All right. But first, I'm going
to say my belly button. Oh, that's good. My belly button shaped
like a ham sandwich. Nice. That was it. It's crazy. I can't believe you
guessed on the first try. Yeah, I know. Let's see. Wow. Is this something that you
share with people often? Unfortunately, I have often. Yes. OK. Is it a body part? It sure is. OK. It is a body part. Yes. OK. I mean, I wouldn't say often. But like-- Right. Now, OK. I understand. But not all the time. I'm trying to get
a gauge if it's something you can do
like now, or like, yeah. OK. Yeah. Got you. Got you. OK. Sometimes in the
national television? Exactly. OK. Exactly, exactly. Let's get a letter hint. [DING] Oh. Oh. Wait a minute. [LAUGHS] Hold on, now. Hold on. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHS] It's shaped like a-- Wait, what's the B, C? I don't get it. [LAUGHTER] I don't know if she's going
to be able to show us today-- [LAUGHTER] --is what I'm saying. What? Wait, wait, wait, I don't get
the B, C. Everybody else does. [LAUGHTER] OK, can I say it? Everyone thinks my boyfriend's-- Something. --something, shaped like
a something, something. Is that a boyfriend? No. They're not guessing my
boyfriend's something. [LAUGHTER] Andy, no one is guessing
my boyfriend's that. [LAUGHTER] Oh, my god, Andy. [LAUGHTER] I'm saying. My butt crack is
shaped like lima bean. [LAUGHTER] Now, I don't know what
lama beans are shaped like, but that's the kind of-- Their curve. Are we talking about what
that would look like? Yeah. But it is my butt crack. Am I able to confirm or deny? Yeah, you can reveal that part. I can reveal that. It is my butt crack. My butt crack is shaped-- but
is that an L in the beginning? Yeah. It sure is. [LAUGHTER] I'm just excited for her. She's getting it. We're getting it. Oh, my butt crack-- My butt crack is shaped like a-- Like a long-- A lion baby. [LAUGHTER] I don't know. What is it? We're stumped. What is it? A lightning bolt. Lightning bolt. It is. A lightning bolt. Wow, it goes like-- So it starts like here. Uh-huh. And then it takes like a-- it
goes like east, like northeast. It goes like northeast, and
then it takes a hard west turn. You know what? Just shows us. [LAUGHTER] Right? I wouldn't not, but-- Just show us because
we can't picture it. We can't. But it just takes a hard
curve, and then it goes-- Was there an accident
involved, or did it-- There wasn't. No, I was just really
lucky, I guess. Wow. Yeah, I'm one hip
higher than the other, one leg longer than the other,
it just-- kind of asymmetric all over. Well, congratulations, Lauren. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yes. All right. Lightning bolt. [APPLAUSE] I never would have guessed that. I never would have
guessed that one. No, no. Where's Roberta? [APPLAUSE] Oh, wow. [APPLAUSE] Roberta's got a secret. Hi, Roberta. Hi. All righty. Glad to meet you. Nice to meet you too, Roberta. Yeah. Let's see Roberta's secret. I was almost arrested for blank,
blank in a blank, blank at 80 years old. All right. Well, it's going
to be a strip club. Strip, yeah. Right? Or maybe having sex in a-- do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, having sex in a
strip club at 80 years old. [LAUGHTER] Somebody said, nice. [LAUGHTER] Let's go for that. Let's just take a shot. Let's take a shot. We're guessing that you
were almost arrested for having sex in a strip club. Is that right? Nope. OK [LAUGHTER] All right. [INAUDIBLE] Yeah, let's get some letters. [DING] Oh, we're way off. No. Making love. Yeah. There we go. So instead of having
sex, it's making love. Go. There we go. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. In a public-- No, no. Let's go. Parking, parking, parking. Parking. Parked car. In a parked car? In a parked car. [DING] [APPLAUSE] Let's go, Roberta! Roberta! [APPLAUSE] So that tells you,
you don't have to be-- you can be as old as
you want and still want sex. [APPLAUSE] And I still love it. Thanks, Roberta. Thank you so much. That's how you play, What
the blank is your secret? If I share your secret, you're
getting a 65-inch 4k TCL TV. All right. Here's something that's
not a secret. tWitch is going to dance.
