One day you're sitting at home playing video
games and stuffing your face full of pizza when suddenly your world goes black as a rag
full of chloroform is thrown over your face. The next thing you know you're waking up groggy
and confused, and as your eyes adjust to the dim lighting you're horrified to discover
your body strapped up to what looks like an elaborate torture device. From out of the darkness a small ventriloquist
dummy pedals out on a tiny tricycle as a pre-recorded voice says, “Hello. Do you want to play a game?” Today we're pitting you, the average joe,
up against Jigsaw, the demented killer from the Saw franchise. First, this isn't going to be like a typical
death match, because in the end Jigsaw is nothing more than a sick old man and even
the average joe would have a pretty good chance of just clobbering him to death in a fist
fight. Instead we're putting you right in some of
Jigsaw's most famous traps, and we're going to help you figure out how to escape intact
so that you do in fact get a chance to clobber the brilliant but demented engineer to death. So think you’ve got what it takes to beat
Jigsaw's games? Let's find out. Jigsaw thinks you've been wasting your life
due to your video game habit. You stuff your body full of soda and pizza
while rotting your brain with video games and being cruel to strangers all while pretending
to be a tough guy on the internet. Jigsaw wants to know just how badly you really
want to live, he wants to help you realize that there's more to life than video games,
but the only way to do it in his sick, twisted head, is to force you to mutilate yourself
in a life or death struggle. First up is the Oxygen Crusher. You wake up with your arms held out to the
sides and secured by chains, while leather straps around your midsection hold you firmly
in place. An oxygen mask rests on your face and on either
side of your torso are metal pistons, and you realize that you're basically inside a
giant mechanical vice. Across from you is another random joe, and
a pre-recorded voice starts speaking: This game is easy, whoever can hold their breath
the longest wins. With a click you feel the machinery come to
life around you, and instinctively you gasp for breath. Big mistake, this makes the two pistons on
either side of you squeeze closer together, crushing your body just slightly. You realize that the mask measures the air
you breathe in, and if you breathe in too much, you'll get crushed to death. The goal is simple: take a deep breath and
hold it longer than the other guy. So the goal is to hold your breath, how can
you ensure you hold your breath the longest? You may want to follow the advice of deep-sea
free divers such as the men and women who dive 65 or more feet without the aid of any
breathing equipment. The Bajau are a people from Malaysia and Indonesia
who make their living diving to depths of 65 feet to collect pearls, clams, and other
goodies off the sea bed. From them we can learn several tricks to extending
how long we hold our breath. First, don't hyperventilate- many of you have
probably done just this in breath-holding contests with friends as a kid. The thinking is that doing so will oxygenate
the blood, which lets you hold your breath longer, and there is some truth to this. But hyperventilating actually just lowers
the level of CO2 in your blood without increasing the oxygen level, which means you're holding
your breath longer not because of an increase in oxygen but because of a decrease in CO2-
so you're in no way reaching your maximum breath-holding potential. Instead take in a full deep breath that uses
all of your lung capacity. Typically we breathe with only the upper part
of our lungs- if when you breathe in you see your chest and shoulders rise, then you're
not breathing with all of your lungs. According to a freediving expert, you want
to take a full, deep breath by sucking in air with your mouth, filling in your lungs
from the diaphragm up. Don't rush the breath though, slowly let your
lungs fill until you start to feel it at your sternum. Then the very top of your lungs will fill
causing your chest and shoulders to rise. This process should take twenty seconds, but
dramatically increase the amount of time you can hold your breath. The next step is mental though, and kicks
in as you are holding your breath. After a certain amount of time you'll start
to feel the urge to take a breath in order to purge the CO2 building up in your system. You'll have to call upon all of your willpower
to ignore this instinct to breath, which will then lead to your diaphragm having convulsions. This is the part that is hardest to fight
through, but if you concentrate hard enough you'll hit a point where your spleen will,
as an emergency response, release 15% more oxygen-rich blood held in storage for emergencies,
straight into your bloodstream. Free divers often feel a surge of energy when
this happens, and is a secret to holding your breath for minutes at a time. So congratulations, you've survived jigsaw's
first trap and let an innocent person be slowly crushed to death instead of you! On to trap 2! After beating your opponent in a breath-holding
contest, you now wake up in a metal cage suspended from the ceiling. Below you are several large and very nasty
looking spikes, and you notice the bottom of your cage is hinged. A wire runs from a small motor and up above
you to where you see a lever. An idea dawns on you- you must pull the lever
which will open the cage, but doing so will drop you onto the spikes below. This is actually a simple trap to escape from,
and all it really requires is some pretty good upper body strength. The first thing you're going to want to do
is to swing the cage back and forth like a pendulum, that way when you do pull the lever
and the bottom opens up, you can drop out clear of the spikes below. But be warned, because the moment you pull
the lever you'll fall- so you better have a good grip on the cage around you or you'll
turn into a human skewer. Simply wedge your feet into the openings made
by the cage's bars and pull the lever, then as the cage is swinging climb down, kick your
legs to get the momentum of the cage going again, and drop clear of the spikes to safety. As far as traps go, we were pretty disappointed
with this one in the films, but it would definitely be our choice to find ourselves stuck inside
of. Ok, you got out easy on the last one, and
this next one may seem simple, and it is, but it's going to require that you have a
very high degree of pain tolerance. You wake up in a locked room, but discover
a combination lock on the door. The lock requires four numbers, and the numbers
have been tattooed onto your wisdom teeth. On the floor in front of you is a set of pliers
and on the wall is a chart of the human mouth with all the teeth labeled. We think you know where this is going. First, let's all be thankful jigsaw was kind
enough to provide a handy reference chart, which admittedly is not your standard evil
villain move. If it had been up to us, there would've been
no chart and you’d be left ripping teeth out blindly to find the numbers - so I guess
we might be more sinister than our versus subject. Ok, so like we said, this one's simple, using
the chart for reference all you’ve got to do is put the pliers in place on your wisdom
teeth and, well, pull. It shouldn't take much force, typically just
a few pounds of pressure is enough to pop those suckers free, but it's going to hurt
like all hell. We recommend you think pleasant thoughts-
some studies show that thinking of happy memories can improve a person's pain tolerance dramatically. So think about literally anything but teeth
being ripped out, which might be tough to do since you're the one actually ripping out
your teeth one by one. But hey, once they're out just think about
the fact that wisdom teeth removal costs on average between $75 and $200 per tooth, and
if they are impacted it can cost as much as $600! With most adults eventually needing them removed,
Jigsaw just saved you a fortune- yay American health care! Now you wake up suspended again, but this
time from your feet. Below you is a tall, open cylinder with a
motorcycle sitting atop the cylinder. Instead of wheels though, the motorcycle powers
a set of gears which as the bike speeds up, begin to turn a sharpened metal coil inside
the cylinder. The coil itself slowly narrows towards the
bottom, but there resting on the floor of the cylinder is a motorcycle brake. The object is simple- reach out and squeeze
the motorcycle brake to stop the cylinder. Fail and you'll be slowly lowered into the
narrowing coil to be cut to ribbons. On its face, this one is terrifying, and admittedly
being slowly lowered into a cylinder with a sharpened metal coil spinning at several
hundred rpms is good reason to wet yourself. But this trap isn't particularly difficult
to defeat, and instead relies on overpowering your fear. When you think about it logically, the trap
is quite easily escaped. The coil narrows at the bottom, near the motorcycle
brake you must squeeze to shut it off- yet it doesn't narrow so much as to make reaching
the actual brake impossible, or even particularly difficult. All you have to do is wait for the rope to
lower you far down enough that you can simply reach out with one arm, past the narrow end
of the spinning metal coil, and squeeze the brake. The real enemy here is fear, which will make
you nervous and twitchy- and you don't have much room to be panicking because swinging
even just a few inches as you near the bottom of the coil is going to get your arm cut off. So calm down, take a deep breath and let it
out. Repeat a few times as the rope lowers you
down. Ignore the loud sound of the machine as you're
being lowered in and try to clear your mind. Then simply keep as still as you can on the
rope and reach just one arm out ahead of you and squeeze the brake. Easy peasy. You're almost done, but Jigsaw has saved the
best - or at least the most horrific - for last. This game is simple, and the good thing is
you're in complete control the entire time. The bad thing is.. well, you'll find out. You wake up in a room divided in two by metal
grates. Between the grates is a large scale, and the
arms of each scale are empty- one arm is nearer to you and the other is closer to your adversary
- another rando victim lured into one of Jigsaw's diabolical games. On your head is a helmet with two screws pointing
at your temples. The object is simple- you have sixty seconds
to make your side of the scale weigh more than your opponent's, or the helmet will activate
and drill the screws into your brain. How are you going to get out of this one? Behind you is a desk with several cutting
implements, though they are all chained to the table so no cheating and just chucking
a knife onto the scale. The implied solution is obvious: cut off pieces
of your own flesh to tip the scales in your favor. However, and we did re-watch the movie to
confirm these details- there is a very large, heavy cleaver made available to you. A cleaver which can easily smash through a
few links of metal chain- so the first thing you're going to do is smash the chains on
everything you can to toss onto the scale on your side, but you better move fast because
your opponent is going to get the same idea. Next you're gonna toss your shoes, your socks,
every article of clothing you possibly can is getting tossed on that scale. But say that isn't enough, and you and your
opponent are both left standing there completely nude and about to die? What flesh can you offer up to tip the scales? Well, the victim who survives in the movie
ends up chopping off her own arm, which admittedly is pretty good way to win this game. But for us, we like arms. They're handy- pun intended- for things like
waving at people, arm-wrestling contests, and punching Jigsaw to death. Your stomach fat is a pretty good alternative,
and as long as you don't cut too deep you should be safe from bleeding to death- at
least until you can get medical attention. Plus cosmetically speaking this is going to
affect you the least- one good skin graft and basically you'll just have carried out
the world's quickest diet. You might be tempted to go for the love handles
next, but be careful, that's pretty close to the kidneys and other organs which are
very allergic to being stabbed. We recommend instead you go for the butt,
and carve your rump up like you're making roast, because the butt is full of fat and
very little of it is critical for keeping you alive. Plus you can always re-fatten your butt, and
with plastic surgery you can bring back that booty with a capital B. Congratulations, you did it, you survived
Jigsaw's traps and can finally face off with the diabolical maniac killer who imprisoned
you here in the first place. Except no, you can't, because cancer already
killed him. See you were the winner of this You Versus
all along, and the first game- the oxygen crusher? Well, that was just a test. If you had taken the noble option and killed
yourself to save the other person- remember, we did tell you he was an innocent- the trap
would have disarmed and you would both have gone free, then discovered Jigsaw's fate. Instead you were selfish, and now not only
are you disfigured from cutting your own flesh off, but you're responsible for several murders. Aren't games fun? Was this plot twist more or less disappointing
than the last Saw movie? Let us know in the comments, and as always
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