You don't suck at homemaking... you're just doing this ONE THING wrong. 😬

first comes love then comes marriage then comes a baby and a baby carriage then comes laundry and dishes and activities and chores and cleaning and cleaning toilets oh wait those little verses and Jingles are not actually a part of the little song are they no no they're not there's parts of raising kids and having a family and being a homemaker that are easier than I thought they'd be there's some that are harder than I thought they would be but there's a lot that I'm like this was a little unexpected I wish somebody had told me this I didn't even realize this please see my earlier statement about laundry dishes cooking cleaning rinse and repeat and before we go too much further I think it's important that we Define our terms when I say Homemaker do I mean that you must be a stay-at-home mom no that you must have you know four plus children no that you must homeschool no none of those things when we're talking about being a homemaker we're just talking about somebody who's taking care of a home who's tending a home you are one of the if not the primary person responsible for tending to and caring for your home it's a word that's doing a lot of work okay it's doing a lot of heavy lifting for a lot of other little tentacle things on the outside that are actually a part of that just the word Homemaker has this very like peaceful gentle soft connotation but that word is doing a whole lot of work it's doing a whole lot of heavy lifting for a lot of stuff okay a lot of stuff that's not fun that's not always easy that's not always simple and that's probably why many women end up feeling like I'm not doing a good job at this this is harder than I thought it would be other people seem to be way better at this than me I'm no good at this I'm not a good Homemaker or quite frankly they just want nothing to do with that they reject it totally because to them it's a reminder of you know the patriarchal times and women being subjugated as you know just domestic housew workers and stuff which by the way I saw a mean the other day that made me laugh really hard because it was like if there's such a thing as like a domesticated housewife can I be an undomesticated housewife like a feral housewife and I'm like I feel like that's the most accurate description of myself that I've ever heard a feral housewife okay there's a huge piece to this puzzle though that is missing that nobody ever really talks about very much that when we look at the overall picture there's this little piece that is being gatee kept if you will that is often not even part of the conversation and it's the reason it's the thing that's causing so much Strife so much discontent so many women feeling like they cannot they simply cannot keep up with all the expectations and do it all and that's what we're going to talk about in today's video understanding that how to figure out what that exactly looks like for you bespoke custom not Angie's version your version of this I'm going to walk you through it and I'm going to give you the exact steps that you need to fix that to make that change once and for all because we don't have to live in that place of feeling like we're not good enough we're not doing enough we don't have to live in that hard hard sticky uncomfortable place we don't have to live there period full stop we live in a world that is constantly showing us all of the possibilities and while that is amazing and fun and can just I mean Hello we just get SC scroll happy scroll happy we get so scroll happy and we're like laughing at this and loving that and seeing what somebody else is doing what we don't always internalize is how much that is affecting our own expectations of our self I've said this before and I'll continue say it unmet expectations are the reason for almost all of our strife and discontent is because we think this is what's expected this is what we should be doing this is what we're expecting of ourselves and we're never living up to that so there's just always a mismatch and there doesn't have to be okay here's the most important thing that you need to know and it's something I'm going to get tattooed on my forehead or printed on a t-shirt because it applies to literally everything I ever talk about share about whether it's motherhood homeschooling raising kids know thy self know yourself don't look at what other people are doing how other people handle things other people's style and way of doing things anytime you try to copy and paste what someone else is doing into your life and think that that's going to be the thing that works for you because it works for this person and you like them you feel like this is somebody who I could see myself being friends with feel like they're very similar to me so I'm just going to do what they do and it doesn't work and then you feel like what am I doing wrong and you take all of that failure upon yourself as though your best efforts are just never enough and you just can't seem to do it you just can't seem to keep up with it you can't seem to have the perfectly decluttered or organized home you can't bake all the things or make all the things or raise all the people I don't know if y'all can hear that but my husband has decided that now is the perfect time to move round hey Bales he's on the tractor right outside of my office and he smirked at me as he drove by which means he knows I'm filming that little stink bug so if you can hear that I apologize you can all go blame him as I said anytime you try to copy and paste what someone else is doing and think that that's going to exactly work for you it's going to lead to that feeling of failure almost every single time so when I say no thyself I mean you have to know what matters to you the most what are your priorities because as I'm sure that you know we've heard it all a million times there's a million books written about it lectures TED Talks or whatever telling you that yes it's true or no it's not you can't have it all okay there's just no way to be all the things and do all the things especially at any one given point okay over time sure you can dabble in all of them but you're not going to be able to do have be all of them at once so you have to decide what matters to you what is really important to you not not what's important to this other person that you follow online and you're inspired by or encouraged by not what other people in your life tell you should be the most important thing to you because it's the most important thing to them see there's this funny thing about people where when we make a choice for ourselves we need some validation in that and we often look for that through approval of others it's a weird phenomenon where we just need to like bring other people in it's sort of our tribal instincts if you will and so what in up happening is when someone makes a choice for I'm going to be or do something specific you feel this intense pressure and by the way when I say you just watch my little finger swirl right around and point back at myself because these are all things lessons I've learned as I always say I never preach to you guys from a pedestal of like I know everything and I'm perfect and I'm going to tell you exactly how to do it I am telling you that like these are the hard lessons that I have learned and am still learning in many areas of my life as I like to say good for her not for me and that can be really hard to actually Implement in your life so when I say don't try to copy and paste you can't you have to know yourself and in order to know yourself you need to know what is important to you at this time that is the piece that people are missing we have this notion that once we make a plan once we decide these are the things that matter to me or these are the things that that are important to me that it's almost like it's etched in stone can never be changed here we are we're Han Solo frozen forever as a decoration for job of the Hut it's not true it's in this season of life that you are in and this is something that I have now started a teaching at almost the beginning of every single Workshop or course that I teach or share about homemaking homeschooling uh just motherhood in general for almost all of those topics to me this is the critical pivotal point that if you do not address this and you do not answer these questions for yourself before you attempt to go any further I believe that the rest of the way will be harder than it needs to be will likely lead to some element of failure and unmet expectations and then you will sort of fall off the wagon and feel like well once again this thing that was a Surefire thing for other people just doesn't work for me what do I mean when I say know your season of life this is a critical step and I often refer to to this as auditing your life circumstances this is where I encourage you to take a honest no this is where I encourage you to take an honest and hard look at your life at the moment what is going on in your life for this year are you pregnant are you breastfeeding do you have five children under the age of six I don't know what your circumstances are but you do and you have to audit them you have to understand what's going on we can't make decisions in a vacuum we can't make decisions choices about how we're going to do things how we're going to run our home based on what other people are doing and what we see online we have to look at our own unique and individual life and figure out what's going to work for us right now in this season when we take an honest and hard look at our circumstances and we really begin to visualize so this is where I love to implement any excuse that I can have to use a Post-It note or a sticky note is a good day in my book and this is something that will blow your mind I promise you so many of my past students from my homemaking Workshop um and some of my homeschooling workshops who've gone through this exercise have been like mind blown I didn't realize all of the things that I was juggling and what I encourage you to do is to go through and write down I have a whole list of questions in the workshop that I ask you to consider and think about as an example it's things like how many is under the age of six do you have are you breastfeeding are you pregnant is your spouse is your husband work long hours weird hours is he in the military is he a firefighter is there a circumstance surrounding your spouse's job that means that you don't get a lot of help at home because that person isn't there and by help I don't just mean like cooking cleaning help I mean somebody to play with the kids while you're doing other things boy you want to talk about preaching to yourself I have been interrupted at least five times while filming this video from a husband a child an animal or something of the like I'm speaking from experience y'all I know what I'm talking about how many out ofth house activities that you have going on and I have you write down each of these things on a Post-It note a note card and stick it to the wall okay we just find a tabletop wall space we're writing each of these things on a note card or a sticky note and putting them on the table on the wall whatever so that we can visualize everything that you're carrying around on a daily week basis all of the things that you're juggling and responsible for on any given day most moms don't stop to really think about this and it's not so that you can have an excuse to do nothing or that you can feel sorry for yourself or throw some kind of a pity party I'm not encouraging that at all I'm just encouraging realism I'm encouraging you to be very realistic about your life right now what your circumstances look like right now because so much of the discontent is starting up here in our own minds and we are not seeing ourselves clearly we're not seeing everything that we carry and juggle and we're not giving ourselves the benefit of a little bit of reality that we would give to anybody else okay when we look at our best friend when we look at somebody else that we know in our life and we look at all of the things that they're juggling and doing and then they say but I should be making homemade bread and I'm not we are like what the heck are you talking about out like you have this and this and this and this and you're doing this and you got this going on who the heck cares if you're making homemade bread right now but we really bad at doing that for ourselves and it's always good to hold yourself to a high standard I believe that firmly but high standard is not the same thing as an unrealistic standard once you go through the process of really evaluating everything that you have going on in your life once you do the Post-it notes sticky note situation I always tell moms take a picture of it on your cell phone not just for you maybe it's something you need to show your spouse maybe it's something that you need to be like Hey listen I'm feeling very overwhelmed I kind of broke it down to like here's all the things and this is like a visual representation of that and maybe if there's an area that you've been wanting to ask for help or needing to ask for help and haven't having that visual representation would be a good lead in to like hey I did this exercise today and I was a little mind blown by all of this so maybe XYZ you know it's a great conversation starter if you need to open the conversation with someone but it's also a great visual representation of all that you're carrying that you can have to look back on when you're starting to feel like everyone else is making everything from scratch everyone else has their home perfectly decluttered or organized everybody else dresses so cute every day and I feel like a slob like whenever you get into those spirals you can have this very clear and easy tose representation of everything that you're carrying but I don't just want you to start start with this like okay I've got a lot going on I've got a lot on my plate what do I do with that now though like how does that actually help me how does that help me to be a better Homemaker how does that help me to actually get stuff done that I need to get done I got you okay not just going to leave you there the next piece is that so we know everything about what's going on in our circumstances have you really sat down and made a list of what matters most to you not everything that eventually you'd like to do but what matters most to you right now we have to start with like prioritizing what matters to us in our lives right now and again when we have this more realistic picture of everything we're juggling I think it makes it a lot easier to be realistic about what your priorities are and what really matters to you it's it's a little bit of clarity before you go into this step and then once you have that list of like all right here are the things that are priorities for me right now uh whether that be focusing on homeschooling my kids or maybe making food from scratch really really matters to you maybe having almost everything be homemade or as homemade as possible is really important to you so that is something that you want to prioritize or maybe you're going through a huge decluttering right now of your home and everything and so you really want to prioritize that every bit of free time you have is going to be dedicated to this you know undertaking of decluttering project I have been in all of these phases at one point or another where something was taking priority over everything else limit your priorities you really cannot prioritize more than two or three things at a time at any given time so you've got to kind of decide I really don't think that you can have more than one priority outside of your regular daily requirements and be able to be successful at it I don't think you can try to prioritize five different things that just because they're interesting to you or at some point you'd like them to become a priority what you need to develop first and foremost is a daily routine that accounts for and will become your what I call minimum daily viable routine what must happen on a daily basis at bare minimum for your life to continue moving forward for things to continue carrying on not when I'm feeling great if if you're somebody that's a little neurode divergent or ADHD as I am you have days where you are really on it and you can get a whole lot done and then there's days where you're like okay I'm just I'm doing good I'm getting things done but this is not an exceptional day and then you have bare minimum days where it's just like look we're eating today and we're doing the bare bare minimum okay and I think that is perfectly fine the very first one that you have to develop is your minimum daily viable that is what has has to happen every day in terms of my responsibilities is it that you have to drop people off somewhere for an activity is it that you have to get through some basic schoolwork or you obviously have to do some basic housework some basic cooking cleaning things like that right you have to develop what is required minimum and this is something that companies product creators and things use all the time right like what are the minimum requirements for this thing to function as promised okay and then anything above and beyond that is gravy and that's what you need to know is what is the minimum daily viable for you because so long as you achieve that minimum daily viable every day then that should be considered a success and it allows you every day to pick from those three routines that you've developed now you don't feel like life is just happening to you you're choosing right today I've got a ton of energy which by the way ladies if you didn't know this there's a reason that during the month as your cycle flows that you have way more energy you feel great and then there's times where you feel really sluggish and really tired that is all part of the cycle that we go through essentially every month but you know what I mean over the period of our menstrual cycle we will feel more energetic you'll have days that you feel like you can conquer the world and do a lot and then you'll have days that you don't and to me the biggest gift you can give yourself is to accommodate for that accommodate for the things that are just like the nature of being a woman accommodate for that in your routines don't expect yourself to be perfect all the time right that's why we have the three routines because some days you're going to feel fantastic and you're going to wake up and you're going to go for the number three right the one that's like I am Feeling Fabulous My Fabulous routine okay this is where I'm going to do all the things I'm going to get everything done and quite frankly those are only a few days a month for me and then you're going to have that middle the road number two this is the one that hopefully is your more than bare minimum but not your like busting it all out kind of routine okay this is the one that I aim for most days it's the one that I will probably achieve most often and then I have my bare minimum okay this is just uh things are not going well this is all that I can get done today and sometimes some months that one is 10% Sometimes some months that one is like 30 % it's okay life is essentially like the rule of thirds crappy okay and good that's like the rule of thirds of life and it's almost required if everything was only fantastic all the time that fantastic would start to feel blah because we wouldn't have anything to compare it to you have to be fair you have to have Fair expectations of yourself and in my personal humble opinion having these three different routines allows you to do that if you want my help in developing all three of those if you want to kind of go deeper dive deeper into this and really understand it and fill out the worksheets and go through all of that process with me I take you through all of that in my workshop in under 90 minutes I take you through all of those steps to develop these routines for yourself to have the three to choose from audit your circumstances and be able to answer all of those questions for yourself you know to kind of build your Post-it wall if you will to decide what your priorities are so that you can create realistic routines for the season of life that you are in right now so I am going to give you you guys 40% off of that Workshop if you want to take it I'll put the link down below as well as the discount code to get 40% off of that Workshop it's under 90 minutes past students have raved about how helpful it was for them to be able to actually just sit down and go through this step by step and figure out how to develop these three routines so that you never have to feel behind again you never have to feel like you're not getting enough done you've got three options to choose from every day I walk you through like sort of troubleshooting those if you if you find perhaps that your minimum daily VI is happening way more than any of the other two I walk you through like understanding why that's happening and how to fix it so I am just incredibly passionate about helping Homemakers mothers wives figure out how to enjoy you know all of the wonderful things that we find with social media and sharing and following other people and learning new things but balancing that with realism with the reality of Life what your life looks like what my life looks like because we cannot flourish if we're constantly comparing our ourselves and having expectations that are based off of a life that isn't ours our expectations our standards everything that we do has to be based off of reality the life that we're living right now and it will change those seasons will change your capacity will change ask me how I know I have eight children my oldest is 17 my youngest is four and throughout the last 17 years of raising kids my capacity has been very different at times and if I expected Angie with seven children two of which were newborn twins homeschooling taking care of the home and trying to run a business to also be cooking everything from scratch making things homemade or any of that stuff I would have set her up for failure so we have to be realistic about the seasons of life that we are in knowing yourself knowing where you are in life knowing what your actual capacity is is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and it's something that will bring more peace to your life

Channel: Angela Braniff

Views: 29,541

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Id: n9KjNlnCRpE

Length: 21min 58sec (1318 seconds)

Published: Tue May 14 2024