Isn't it frustrating when we say something to our clients
and they respond, "YES, BUT ..."? Today you'll learn these clients are actually offering us valuable supervision. Learn what "YES, BUT ..." says about our own behavior and one change we can make that will stop the "YES, BUT ..." response. [music playing] Be sure to check the links below to download the Socratic Dialogue Rating Scale and Manual. And, if you like these videos, consider subscribing or give us a thumbs up Okay. So what message is your client giving you
when she says, "YES, BUT ..." ? Stop and notice what you did just before she said that and I'm guessing you either gave a bit of advice or you drew a conclusion for her. Imagine Kendra who struggles with low self-esteem. She tells you she feels worthless and can't do anything right. So you've been asking her questions about the past week and other things in her life where she's done okay. It's easy to see how we might draw a conclusion for her, "Gee, Kendra it seems like you've done quite a bit right in your life." But Kendra's gonna respond, "Yes, but you don't know how often I mess up!" Or you might offer this advice, "Perhaps Kendra, when you begin to criticize yourself this week, you might think about some of these other things." But Kendra is going to say back, "Yes, but you don't know how bad I feel." The Socratic Dialogue Fix So what can you do instead? I teach therapists to use four stages of Socratic Dialogue. The first two stages are things most therapists do naturally, asking informational questions and listening empathically. But it is the third and fourth stages that solve our "YES, BUT ..." dilemma. As we listen to what our client tells us, make a written summary of key ideas. What has Kendra said about what she's done okay this week or ways in which she hasn't messed up? It's important we make this summary in her own words so that when Kendra looks at it later it rings true to her. Having a written summary is really going to help when we come to the fourth stage, asking analytical or synthesizing questions. Look at the written summary with Kendra and ask her questions like these: How did these experiences fit with this idea that you're worthless? Are there any ideas that don't exactly fit with that idea? How could you use these ideas to help yourself this week? What might you be willing to try first? Whatever good ideas Kendra comes up with, ask her to write them down in her therapy notebook. Summary Instead of giving your clients your own ideas or advice, try using the four stages of Socratic Dialogue to help them come up with their own meaningful ideas and plan for the week. The added bonus is clients rarely say "YES, BUT ..." to their own ideas. Don't forget to follow the link below to download the Socratic Dialogue Rating Scale and Manual so you can track how you're doing. [music]
