Yannis Pappas | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #394

all right i want to let you know that i got some tour dates coming up savannah georgia june 2nd augusta georgia june 3rd montgomery alabama june 4 and columbus georgia june 5. as well i'll be in florida hollywood fort myers daytona beach and lakeland june 23rd through june 26th today's guest is here for the first time he's a comedian and he's an entertaining man and he is out of new york and um you're going to learn about him as i do he and i have actually never met but he has a new special on youtube called mom love and his own podcast called long days i'm grateful to get to spend some time with him uh ladies and gentlemen mr yanus papas [Music] i'll sit and tell you my story [Music] and i will find a song [Applause] yeah you know what i've been realizing is uh what's dicey to me is if they get those little sandwiches you know the ones um the little man uh cut sandwiches yeah you know what i'm saying somebody wrote cut up no no but more like just like the square ones and then somebody cuts it up like that you know what i'm talking about like the triangle piece conceptually i know i'm trying to picture it though so yeah it just says meat cheese man and mustard or mayonnaise in it yeah it just like is a little triangle yeah you know somebody gets a little round tray of a bunch of those little triangles yes now i got you yeah but then the weird part is when they start to sit there for a while and it gets hard on the side and people still eat them yeah that's why you got to get to that plate early but it's some guys prefer air damage yes some guys prefer to go into the tray late in the game bro yeah that's not the way you got to get there before the air damage brightens it up yeah yeah that is air damage man yeah there's a triangular yeah you know what i'm talking about those triangular ones are you talking about they come in like a plastic plate you pull it off yes i know exactly what you're talking about yeah they got the top on it yeah um convenient way to throw a party yeah yeah you don't got to make sandwiches if you if you know it's just yeah better that way yeah i think having it like that is probably makes things uh yeah somebody cracks open and thinking of those as a kid i hate this i was like oh those things look like they're for adults or something but as an adult i'm like i'll have a one or two of those yeah they're nice yeah it's a perfect you can't go back you can't go wrong with meat and cheese at an adult party meat and cheese is always a hit salami and cheese yeah that's always that's gonna go first yeah people aren't gonna touch the salad people aren't gonna touch if you got the carrots and the ranch out those will be there tomorrow the whole plate will be there but yeah the salami and cheese is gone yeah yeah it's the beyonce of that spread man um is janice's mic in his face guys do you guys want it somewhere different i always have mic problems i apologize do you i do it's something like even on my own podcast or like uh like i just can't i have no i i might be challenged in that way like a learning disability with like where the mic is supposed to be yeah yeah i think it does get to be like uh um i'm either too low too high yeah but you've been uh you've been podcasting for a long time um so a lot of my listeners might not even know you and you and i have just met we just met yeah yeah and that's crazy yeah well i know you you know yeah yeah like i know you've comedy but yeah it's the first time we've been in the flesh yeah yeah it feels good it's interesting yeah you got a cozy warm kind of vibe yeah energy oh thanks yeah i feel i feel right like in the womb i'm i feel in a womb you're good yeah i like it man yeah yeah well thanks for coming man so i want to just like kind of just so my listeners know like how you even got started like in the comedy just take me through a little bit of that man because you are from another country i'm from another country are you from another country i'm uh america oh yeah i thought you were well it would technically be right if you were from if you weren't from here right and i would be from another country but were you born in another country no i was born here oh i thought you were born in another country i dude i look at you and i i say i can see why he would assume that because you're [ __ ] american yeah you're american-american like if there can be more of a way to be american yeah it's on you so i know just hearing my name you're like i guess he's from he must have been born in romania or something i got an immigrant name yeah i would i mean i don't know if i would i remember um i said to one of my friends yesterday i was like oh uh giannis pappas is coming on and they're like oh i thought um oh who's the they're like oh that reminds me of that guy who has the other name that's kind of like a double oh um who's the russian guy the older russian jewish comedian uh zielinski he's fighting a war right now no i'm not that guy oh he's ukrainian same [ __ ] he's doing cameos somebody said that's crazy yeah i mean for 600 to raise money for ukraine that's crazy that is crazy and he's got time where do they have that guy that he's got a camera set up and i tell you one i don't know who his barber is but he's on call the dude is always crisp in the middle of a war i mean he's got like a fade every three days oh yeah he's like the dj khaled i feel like of like bombings yeah i think he just travels with his barber he's got a barber in the bomb shelter he really values whoever cuts his hair and dude will somebody win this [ __ ] war already like jesus what it feels like they just nobody will win it or they don't care or they taking days off it feels like they're like hey let's do it on tuesday i'll meet you guys on friday we'll do another round on friday it is hard to understand right because like if there's a war going on how is he safe to give talks and you know do a video zoom for the oscars and then biden goes there he's walking around no problem i think nancy pelosi yeah was wheeled out there so like where's the war yeah i don't know what's happening yeah and i don't know i think it's like a i think they got to go to court like maybe johnny and amber to solve it figure it out yeah cause i'm [ __ ] who's bad son yeah i feel like johnny is russia in this scenario and amber uh no i'm sorry johnny yeah johnny's johnny's ukraine i'm sorry and amber's russia and uh no yeah who's the best there's only two ways to do it i don't know it's only two the good guys are ukraine i'm trying to depend on it depends on which side of the political aisle you i guess you fall on to consider who's the bad guy yeah but i think johnny yeah is ukraine johnny because he got invaded by amber so we need to figure out ways to funnel weapons to johnny yeah that's what we got to do to help out johnny yeah i saw johnny depp one night at the comedy store it was pretty crazy that is a crazy sighting to see johnny because i went up and dug stand up as friends when they introduced me to him and then i realized i didn't know what to say and then i realized i didn't have anything to say to johnny that right that's almost the worst but like when you're like oh there's not even there's not even a 30th degree of separation like there's nothing to even say here it's like literally shook hands and then i had nothing yeah i it would kind it's kind of similar to meeting you because what i wanted to say i held it maybe what you wanted to say you held it because you felt like he's he's over it like i would have opened with a 21 jump street thing because that's my closest emotional tie to johnny okay was his hair back then with the earring he kind of said that that my generation pull that picture up with johnny depp 21 jump street let's get an image of that i think he was like the that hairstyle with the earring was like every white guy in america did that middle part with the earring and so i would open with a 21 jump street like with you i wrote rules but i didn't want to say it i know you're from road rules i remember oh that's interesting yeah and you're as big as i thought you were like tall you're a tall drink of water uh you know it's really funny people say that i'm tall and i don't i don't i've always just been i mean i've been this hype for probably 21 years now and it's like i don't think anything i never thought i was tall but people constantly say that yeah you're six months man bro you're taller than i thought so it's always mexican you comment on it you know i'm not gonna say that but it's a lot of like uh latinos you know or recent americans who are like i thought recent american is a better way than to call mexican it's a way to scoot around it well not even mexican but just i feel like if we're gonna be because people remember that people used to say illegal immigrants right yeah because i'll meet a lot of mexican guys and be like uh you know where did you come or how did you you know and they were like uh just don't tell anybody i'm here you know what i'm saying they all joke about it yeah yeah yeah you know yeah but it's like so i think recent americans yeah it at least gives both sides of the net likes a little bit of like okay they're new and then other people like yeah let's you know you're running cover for them because you're not lying right but you're also not telling them they may not have their papers they're recent americans interpret that the way you wanted to we got a couple recent americans here god johnny depp was just man yeah oh yeah he'd be a hot chick now even he yeah if he went trans he would look good some guys you can tell if they transition they would flawlessly transition usually they don't have the like the neo underthrow brow that's a real impediment to like a smooth transition but he got a real nice girl guy face oh yeah god man yeah if he put some makeup on and grew the hair a little longer i don't even think he'd need estrogen well he's a handsome kid he's handsome guy yeah and he used to definitely be more i mean look he's getting older you know and i think he's partied pretty hard he's probably going pretty hard yeah yeah for a guy who did the amount of drugs he did yeah he looks good that's a good point he looks real good that's a good point i mean i don't know how much la has to do with that hollywood people with uh who are stars tend to age very well because i guess when your job is just staying in shape every day in between scripts yeah you dedicate a lot of time to it there's like a team of people who keep johnny tap like camera ready well you can also get flu you got fluffers that's a big thing yeah like a guy that's going to do work at dunkin donuts or whatever he ain't got that fluffy you know what i'm saying he don't have somebody meeting him in the parking lot an hour early yeah to polish him up and trim off all the loose ends and take his up his dirty appendix out or whatever is going on you know but he's got those people where every day before he you know those people like just really shining them up you think like if there was a competitor to come out that would compete against dunkin donuts and starbucks if they use the strategy of like you know what we're gonna up the game of the people who work here and make them all beautiful with fluffers will hire fluffers too that they'll that'll even if the coffee's not as good it'll give them the edge like how come nobody's thinking outside the box like that well so you're saying if they beautified the um the staff the staff yeah with fluff with the help of fluffers if they got the corporate money right they can create extra jobs we don't have to live in this world where coffee shops have like ugly untaken care of i don't know if that's the way you say it unquaffed unkempt yeah unkept unkept people maybe we need to create jobs how about how about a couple fluffers for these dunkin donuts employees yeah cinderella's sisters are you who you're talking about yeah that's exactly what it is um well look at this you know i was at the starbucks the other day and a guy runs in homeless guy right yeah i'm not gonna say homeless but the guy was the guy hadn't heard a doorbell ring in a while i bet right recently unhomed i would say that yeah i would say recently the american recently so this boy he was out there and uh he came in he had no pants on right and he walked past these two chicks outside and they got a little scared you know and i was like scat scat like i did like that you know cause like uh we had a lot of stray animals in our neighborhood growing up and if they came by my sisters i would be like that did he respond did he eat scat or what kind of did he get working on it yeah yeah yeah he kind of did and then he went inside and stole all of the money right out of the tip thing he did yeah and um so the scat you were like an accessory to the crime then we didn't tell him to scout he would have bothered the girls and may not have he could have done a rape and burgle oh yeah it's hard to know what would have happened right that could have been the lesser of the two evils well then i go in and there's a guy in there who's like very who's like probably about 11 different genders right this dude was coming in you know he had anchovies he had all of it and he um he was like oh my god i don't know what just happened right and i was like y'all got [ __ ] robbed that's what just happened bro and nobody in here they had 11 of them and how is it they have 11 starbuck employees they all have on walkie-talkies talking to each other right next to each other yeah it doesn't seem like they need that yeah you could just go like this it's like ordering a sandwich at wawa's you're like why can't i just give it the order to you why do i gotta become a computer programmer back here yeah it's unnecessary technology oh a lot of unnecessary technology and so then uh yeah but it was just crazy they were everybody was just so like like nobody there could have saved the day right you know because actually they had this one little mighty mouse [ __ ] you know i think if she'd have seen it go down she wouldn't she was dealing with an egg mc you know day breakfast or something but the moment when that thing when the guy hit but if she'd have freaking turned around she was a little less hungry she might have took her focus off the order and helped well she you could just tell she had a little bit more nuts in her than any of the uh fellas that were working in right right they don't care right they don't care but it was the tips though uh oh they care about that but i woulda yeah yeah that's my money like you know nobody stopped them no the guy was just like one guy this is the best one dude who probably was at least you know four or five different genders right this dude coming in bruh you know this was a non-binary establishment this dude had his hands up like this like what the [ __ ] and the guy didn't have a gun but he did have his pants off well he had i'll say this bro he was short and he it looked like he had a little bit of dick hanging out the bottom of his shirt and that is a that's a weapon too it could be a weapon especially if you don't know what gender you are yeah bro you don't know how that thing is going to end up in you would you be more scared if a guy with a gun or a guy a naked guy is kind of you don't know what to do with a naked guy easy oh if i had to i'd get the bullets out of them you know what i'm saying i'd handle them down to keep the pressure out of them if i had to you ever seen those videos where like the like those prank shows in the hood where the guys talk [ __ ] to like tough dudes in the hood and the guy's like what and he's about to and then they just strip naked and the guy runs for some reason because i guess it's so jarring you don't know what to do when somebody's missing a piece of their uh outfit it's just kind of a weird thing i guess shirt off is more socially well shirt off we're gonna fight yeah sheriff's we're gonna fight pants off or we we're gonna we may i might [ __ ] you so that gets a little that's probably what makes you nervous it's a novelty of it no frame of reference like when the indians first saw the boats they couldn't tell what they were really yeah they said they didn't they had no frame of reference for the conquistador boat so they just couldn't almost see them they couldn't see them they couldn't understand it it was like an object they'd never seen so if you get into a situation when a guy with no pants and he's threatening you you might not even understand it and just free maybe put maybe that's why she put her hands up yeah maybe she didn't know she was like is this what you're supposed to do yeah when a guy has no pants on a little bit of dick hanging out under the shirt he had a short shirt on too he was a black guy too which is an unusual shirt yeah because usually they got long shirts on if you go to a black barbecue they down to their knees oh yeah yeah black guys like long shirts yeah black guys look good and stuff they look good in everything anything yeah you know uh black guys look good and a black guy could walk around literally just with with shopping tags hang that's why i think a lot of black guys keep the tags on things because i think other people will literally come up and shop off of them you know yeah damn let me scan this up right now bro that's not a bad idea bruh it's not a bad if you got a percentage of the sale yeah it's like damn let me scan two of those off of my boy and then he makes a little bit of bread yeah i i had a black friend who used to wear his hat like that with the stickers and tags and we were having a conversation once and he was like you know his cops got to stop profiling me i'm like well maybe if it looks if you make it look a little less like you just stole the hat out of the store yeah you're wearing it like you just ran out past the sensors i mean maybe that'll help yeah they had a blanket i saw with a chain made out of sensors that's not gonna that's not helpful that's actually a good move if you want to steal a store if you come in with the sensors on and they're going off you're going no that's just my necklace yeah don't look through my don't don't profile me that's my necklace going off these are sensors that's pretty cool i think i think if someone was cool enough they could make sensors cool yeah like you know like because fashion gets pretty ridiculous like if you look back in like the 1700s guys were wearing other dudes [ __ ] hair and stockings wow and candy corn shoes so that and that just objectively looks ridiculous but that means at some point there was some dude who was so cool who was wearing it that everyone was like i want to be like him so they started wearing [ __ ] ridiculous stockings candy corn shoes and somebody else's hair which is some real serial killer [ __ ] and then the whole continent of europe started doing it so if there was a cool enough dude who started wearing sensors and gave it value like bitcoin which we all buy which we know is stupid then i think people would follow it depends on how [ __ ] cool the person is wearing it fashion is completely subjective yeah i never thought about that that much i mean yeah i think if you see somebody with something and you feel like it looks good then if somebody else does it you'll you'll kind of get into it you know yeah like i'm not even lying this is a true story i saw a dude the other day he had a mullet and somebody else said you're going with the theo vaughn and he was like damn everyone keep saying that i'm like maybe you are consciously or unconsciously there's very few dudes in this country who have a mullet still right that aren't at a state fair right right you know what i mean who are visible yeah yeah like visible beyond the local word of mouth right right you're physical with you're you're visible with a mullet past word of mouth yeah yeah and so if somebody has a mall now you're going like you're you're theo what are you doing here yeah yeah you're a theo fan yeah i got into it man i had it growing up and then i got out of it trying to fit in hollywood and then i got back into it it's the best choice i've ever made have you ever had long hair i have had long hair but more of the johnny depp 21 jump street [ __ ] but you never read the back go huh nah dude i grew up in brooklyn you can't you could you can't i don't have the balls yeah i was like that was it's well dude it's like having balls it's your ball it's like your hair has balls it's exactly what it's like yeah have you ever said that before no but that is the funny let the funniest way to describe a mullet because yeah it's like your hair it's like there's balls here and they're kind of they're dangling around you can move them a little bit and there's power in it yeah well that's the thing there's [ __ ] power in it there is right i 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i was offended i wasn't offended at all okay good yeah yeah i was i was wrong with it yeah because i get it um no i was i was i'm from new york my parents are from another country okay there so yeah i'm i'm kind of recently american okay as well i fit into that category if we open up the bubble a little bit cause uh my mom had to get her papers oh she did yeah my mom had to get her papers and where did she come from she came from greece yeah really grace did you have greeks down there's no greeks down louis we never had a greek here we never on the show never yeah never dude we've had a we got a charter who you know other people we have put pens and replaced from a different country people come from well i'm glad to diversify that yeah i'm glad yeah man represent for a whole nation there's not uh so your mother came from greece my mother came here uh she was like kind of a refugee after world war ii my mother was old she had me when she was in her 40s which is a real today [ __ ] thing to do she did it back then and uh so she just recently passed away but she yeah she was there during the nazi occupation and she was there uh yeah for world war ii and then she immigrated here so my mother was born there my father was born in brooklyn but his parents were born over there in the old world as we call it wow as white people call it the old world yeah yeah europe you know so i'm a one and a half a first generation i'm a recent i'm a recent i'm recently american damn so you weren't you weren't a hundred percent wrong you weren't 100 right you were more right than wrong oh thanks yeah yeah i mean you you you smelled something well i just and i think it's probably yeah just the name people are like oh what's going on here yeah you know i don't know you i'm thinking black guy yeah linebacker something cause vaughn boom and then i see you theo vaughn your name doesn't seem very doesn't match you either where does your name come from well my father's from nicaragua my mother's from actually um illinois so your mother's wow nicaragua was in there so we got um and yeah and then my father was part i think pontiac indian as well so we had some good you know something a little bit here and there kind of you know should we the pontiac car is catching no heat i mean it's like the cleveland indians are catching heat the washington redskins are catching heat yeah the pontiac car is still floating bring up a pontiac if you can brother yeah i mean is cancer culture going to get to that it should when you think of how many things are named after native american stuff it's like you really and i can't think of them right now steak oh yeah it's a lot brother let me ask you this question as far as the cleveland indians what's worse sounding to you the cleveland indians or the cleveland browns cleveland browns sounds a lot more like a slur to me oh that's hate these browns oh he's [ __ ] browns i hate the browns every year sounds a lot worse than i hate the cleveland indians just yeah look at these indians look at these indians where they look at these browns are these indias these indias um yeah i mean look i love a racial slur honestly and uh who doesn't if it's set in just yeah bro even if here's the best if you're walking down the street somebody yells it you don't see who yells it it's [ __ ] great yeah if somebody like is point blank like ripping me that's [ __ ] up dude but somebody's using somebody you know drives by and they yell it bruh [ __ ] new you know yeah it's a that that enhances your day oh kurt metzger has the best slur i've heard for greeks ever is that my phone i apologize jesus christ special needs brother time for your daughter to wake up um kurt metzger has the best slur for greeks that i've ever heard because there's it's there's not many and he just uh one time he was doing the stand-up set it's online somewhere but he just goes he was dating a greek girl and her dad didn't approve as greek dads usually don't of anyone greeks hate everybody and he just goes can you believe that dude a diner monkey from ass [ __ ] island i was like that's the best that's the best slur diner monkey from ass [ __ ] island doesn't get better than that so that's what i am i like that yeah man because we do diners is like the that's like the greek passport into america and why is it because of all the dishes and stuff because y'all guys are like dishes is a big party house culture huh yeah maybe that's why i never thought of it maybe it's because access to dishes that's the first time i've heard that theory huh you came up with that in a split second too well it's i guess we throw them we throw them right it's part of the it's like a tradition yeah so yeah i don't know that much about greeks man um is that we got a healthy history man oh well i know i've seen a lot of the artwork and stuff like that yeah now that's beautiful little penises though a lot of statues little pieces oh they didn't really they saved cement huh yeah yeah you got around there yeah i don't know why they did that but all the penises are really small in the old statues well do greek girls have big butts i think a lot of the penis size of the males of a culture has to do with the size if you have to reach the vagina of the woman you know you're coming up with some theories that i haven't thought about you so you're saying you were saying without saying correct me if i'm wrong yeah you're saying without saying black dudes got big dicks because black girls got big asses and to be able to reach the vagina they have to so it kind of evolved that way i think so i mean it makes sense yeah i mean when i think about a lot of times if i think about having sex with a black girl it's like well i mean all this certainly depends but it's like i couldn't do it you got your dick has to wear lifts yeah to get there yeah yeah like you gotta get to do all the dick's shoulders yoga yeah my dick's gonna need to be like one of the ones with the like two kids in a like top coat like oh i'm here to let my kid go on the field trip yeah yeah oh my god and chinese asian no butts no butts and also corresponding correlated yeah hypothetically hypothetically but we all know it's true littler penises yeah holy [ __ ] maybe because yeah i mean that's just like about nature like a hummingbird has to have that beat because it has to be able to um this you know what i'm saying but it's not right so i think you might have just lost confidence in it you might yeah i mean you might you might have been going somewhere yeah hummingbird has to have a beak because it just you know it gets in a certain type of flowers and it's like the deep ones was that the moment when you realize you didn't know that much about hummingbirds i think it's the moment i realized i didn't know that much yeah you had you had enough knowledge to get you to that point yeah and then you're like what else did they do yeah i'm done yeah i'm done with that okay so you guys started in new york i just wanna i know a lot of people know you but i want to make sure that my audience knows i appreciate that i forget that sometimes like even though like i have some knowledge of of someone or you know i know that they're a great comedian or um but my audience doesn't know so you started out in new york started out new york grew up there i grew up in brooklyn new york greek american uh grew up i started there um long time ago quit for a while uh had some things happen and uh you know trauma and things like that my head's all messed up which is a constant challenge and then uh i got back into it and um i started doing stand-up consistently donald rawlings was really the guy who got me into comedy like stand-up got me back in after i quit and i was doing sketch 2 and i did some viral characters on youtube early and early in youtube and uh started touring doing those but always was a stand-up i started as a stand-up and i've been doing it you know on and off because i took some time off you know of like i'd say close to 20 years man 15 20 years i've been around i'm like the bull durham yeah even when i did new faces in montreal which is like comics that's like when the industry takes a look at your whatever i was like i was like the dude i mean i was in what was i i was in my late 30s i felt like bull durham yeah everybody else was these young prospects and i'm like i was like an old catcher been around you know yeah you got icy hot on before yeah i had like i have little tricks oil here like the dude from major league the old reliever yeah you're like oh the guy after he's like oh why does this mic have sap on it yeah like i said that's an old-timer trick you know wow so um when you took time off what did you think because i had a i had a spot where i think for probably about seven months i took off i just felt like i wasn't maybe i didn't know what i was doing was there a reason that you took some time off what was it yeah so i uh i got shot early on i started doing comedy in 2000 i got shot in 2001 by a gun buy a gun yeah no way yeah yeah wow and what did it feel like it burns it's hot it's just hot think about that yeah it's hot you don't you know your body takes care of you like chemicals whatever that is for the pain and like your body releases [ __ ] that kind of bites dmt daddy yeah it's dmt i guess but then afterwards when all that adrenaline adrenaline and also adrenaline when adrenaline dies down it's just heat it's hot you could actually see smoke coming out of the hole like a little bit of smoke yeah yeah damn and uh so that was fun though when night in the hospital i got shot like close to you know my dick and ass did you really yeah like right here yeah ooh and you could see smoke coming out so for a second yeah you could see a little smoke coming out when they cut my plastic pants off of me jogging pants or whatever you call them like your femur is [ __ ] vaping in there yeah that's what it looked like and um and then you feel the heat and then a little sting when all the chemical when all the whatever adrenaline rushes uh comes down and i just got lucky it didn't hit an artery or anything like that but you know the the that wasn't the the problem was was the panic attacks that started afterwards like sort of the ptsd that i didn't know what it was and so i started having like these panic attacks and i it was related to the trauma from that like just walking around being scared like oh [ __ ] that happened to me it could happen any moment and i didn't know what it was so i just dealt with it for a while i didn't know what trauma was or what was going on i would just get on a train in new york and i would just start bugging out and like hyperventilating wow and then not knowing why is like my subconscious so i'm going what the [ __ ] is going on and i just live like that for a while and so i quit comedy because i i get up on stage and i'd have these massive panic attacks you're making me pain yeah right now it was weird time and then i i just kind of quit started doing social work i did 9 11 disaster relief for a while and uh donald wrongs like i said was the guy who kind of pulled me in he saw me once uh thought i was funny and then he uh he had a room on the upper east side of new york city every tuesday wednesday uh called marion square and i would get up there once a week and then chappelle show this about 2005-6 your peloso took off he took me on the road with him charlie uh it was bill burr for a little bit then uh christian finnegan from the show yeah and uh that was real nice of him so i always uh i i always owe him for that i always like you know it was a real nice thing for like you know a comic to be like hey you're funny and then like try to help me which i did i yeah i'd sell his posters and i'd do five minutes and it was nice to also go on the road and see success because i had never seen anyone like make it and i knew dino before he made it and then like i saw his outfit change yeah and i some go from timbo's to like a higher priced higher priced shoe yeah like the outfit change that's where you can tell money and comedy i've seen i've seen a lot of my friends now you know yeah even tim dillon's gone from like bin basket polo yeah to like balanciago or some italian name i can't even pronounce wow without sounding like i'm from new york too much yeah it's just a it's an outfit change now did you i'm gonna go through a little bit of that so yeah with the trauma stuff did you know that it was part of um [Music] like did you see you felt a lot of anxiety i'm guessing like uncovered but were you able to relate immediately that that it was because of the gunshot thing no it took me i had to go to therapy finally i went to therapy i just was like muscling through it not knowing like i i it was kind of emasculating for it to happen be like why am i so scared i would i would freeze up i would like i wouldn't be there was one time i thought i was having a heart attack and i couldn't move and my whole body just kind of froze i couldn't move i guess that's what they call scared stiff and uh i told my friend i was with my friend on the train i was like call ambulance i'm having a heart attack and they came and they're like you're fine like what they took all my vitals and i was like i was like because you don't feel fine so you're going like you must be wrong you must be wrong i'm dying and i wasn't and it was just these panic attacks that would happen and i i really didn't have a reprieve from them i didn't really get away from them until i started going to therapy therapy works you got issues i recommend therapy yeah yeah i recommend therapy um and what were you able so how did they what was the process kind of of relating of figuring out that that was it it was uh sitting with a therapist being she was a female therapist i was attracted to her so did you tell her that i didn't tell her that which felt like i wasn't being open in therapy you know because that must have been a thing like a mommy issue or something but because of that i was just more i don't know i was more vulnerable open like guys you always a little standoffish when you sit with a guy you're like [ __ ] you're a guy like i don't i gotta i can't be vulnerable around a guy you always gotta be a guy but a woman you just kind of you can act a little more like a woman and talk about your feelings right so i was able to something about her opened me up and i was able to talk about it and uh and i got over the fact that i wanted to sleep with her maybe it's because of the connection you know we're comics we're all [ __ ] up we got walls up there's reasons why we stand on wood planks for chicken fingers for 10 years to have strangers give us uh you know it's because we didn't get something else so there's walls up but she was able to take those down she was beautiful too god her legs was the problem if she wore pants more but maybe that's what opened me up i was always distracted with her legs oh yeah yeah they were just nice oh i noticed i'll be involved in anything do not hear a set of high heels in the distance and i have no control over my ability to zone out of whatever [Music] um is going on so the the sound of high heels yeah and it's not even about sex it's just the idea that a woman could be around you know i think when i was young i didn't get that care and so it was like the simple idea that a woman could be coming around to give me some type of care affection oh like it's like there's a part of me that just cannot help but go and listen for that listen to that i read it the wrong way i like i was reading it like a like a predator hearing pray like you know oh no like a coyote hearing like movement in the brush no you were yours was more of like a nurturing thing you needed yeah yeah i think that's where that kind of yeah with chicks it for me is that's the first part of it do you like to suck to did you were you breast fed by a small breast so you do you like when you get a big one do you just oh i definitely i have i've overstayed my welcome yeah on a big tit this is like the second or third time already in this podcast you've said something without saying something and i picked up on it the first one was but now i know you were basically saying your mom had small breasts oh my mom knows it yeah is if she the one who breastfed was your mom who breastfed you i i i sometimes another woman will get in there in african villages yeah no my sister's aunts my sister's cousin-in-law brett they would breastfeed each other's children the um but i believe that my mother did it as far as i know right but yeah small breasts you never shake the trauma from be breastfeeding out of a small breast you never the [ __ ] just the rattle just trying to rattle a drop of milk out of something so small it's insane it's insane that we let a child do it what's insane when you sit think about right now a kid unlike a lowercase a cup i just imagine you not being able to get find anything you're trying to grab you just you know you're just hitting the bag you just you know and there's just nothing in there like a wall climber looking for somewhere to put your fingers and there's just nothing it's just a flat wall it's not it's traumatic it's definitely exactly what you said it's traumatic crazy that you remember that too even though there was no video evidence well i do believe that when i start to i can feel the desperation of it and the why isn't there something there so you remember the feeling not necessarily the facts well i think i always have that feeling right something i'm missing something something isn't available right something isn't complete right so i just take it back to usually things like that probably and not specifically breastfeeding but just the feminine connect me to a you know connecting to a feminine a feminine across the board yeah you know but do you want things to be complete like being alive is kind of incomplete we're only complete when we die and we you know god willing we go we go to the party you know yeah yeah i just think if your foundation has a you know if you got all the stair steps and you can get onto the porch you know yeah and so i always feel like we [ __ ] just had a pile of wood right there no nails i like it no plan that analogy was very like that was like your background you're like you saw a porch you went the stairs i would have gone like elevator push the button oh wow yeah were you guys pretty well off growing up we were okay we were okay yeah i was my friends had less money my parents were both lawyers oh wow really yeah but they made like a hundred thousand dollars which back then was like a lot of money still a lot still a lot i guess it's still but back then i guess it was a lot a lot yeah yeah a hundred thousand back then man that was almost as much as you could have it seemed like i don't even think it was possible to have more than a hundred thousand right somebody had a hundred thousand dollars yeah i don't you never heard of anyone if someone had more than a hundred thousand dollars back then they hit it they did not talk about it they were yeah they were they were doing something real illegal yeah i felt the only way to get more than a hundred thousand was illegal i felt like back then there was like a cap back then it seemed like it yeah you know um so we were we were okay we were pretty well off like i went to private school oh so they had enough to send me to private school yeah but back then private school was like you know 10 grand a year 15 grand a year something like that it wasn't like now which is like it's a lot you got to re you have to have a lot more than a hundred thousand dollars to go to private school now um but all my friends went to public school so they would just they would oh that's good yeah they would always steal money out of my dad's pocket when he left his pants up on the and do greeks oh yeah do greeks carry a lot i feel like greeks carry like a lot of cash on them always cash apparently white people are they very paranoid defensive people yeah they're uh we were formerly enslaved by the turks so i think all people who are like uh you know i think the irish have it a little because the english [ __ ] them it is heartbreaking right like lauren think about it yeah because then all that trauma gets stuck in people then it's coming out in crazy ways you know it's coming out and some guy [ __ ] you know beating somebody's face in with a hard hero over here you know common crime in the greek community it never ends that's when the air damage we were talking about can happen to a hero too yeah um okay so now you've been in new york for a long time you've done comedy over the years you got shot you took a break who shot you do you know i do know who shot me yeah well i know i don't know him he's not like i didn't know him personally but we had to go to trial and everything he pled not guilty oh yeah so i had to sit there and testify and uh yeah it was just it was an attempted robbery because i was with the the friend i was with was a promoter so he carried a lot of cash with him so i assume it was an attempted robbery or carjacking or both you know and i was just wrong place wrong time and i made the i maybe the wrong decision or right i mean in that moment you know you're either like free like i just grabbed his arm and tried to get it away and fired and i just point blank range i got shot maybe it would have been worse if he was farther away so the bullet had a little chance to i don't know how fast i don't know which bullet goes faster i'm not i'm not a ballistics expert like if a bullet picks up steam or loses yeah does it pick up steam i guess at a certain point it would pick up steam right certain distance there must be an apex if you're a certain distance away where it's the fastest where you could do the most damage i don't know thank god it was a little fatter then because it got caught in my butt cheek and the bullet stayed in there is it still in there no i took it out a couple of years later that was a wild moment when they took it out because uh they put you under and the way i came to and they had me up in stirrups like i was at a gynecologist because they the surgery happened right here so i came to like this with my legs up and i came to when i farted and i farted with the doctor and and the nurse down there and they were like laughing because i farted but like i didn't know where i was and i had to pass gas and then they took it out and it was that's that's all i remember about that surgery and that put an end to that trauma really right when the bullet came out do you feel like it was just having the bullet in you still like yeah carrot was in there it like totally yeah the spirit of it was in there yeah the spirit of it was like an invasion like the bullet was like you know it was it was my it wasn't paying rent yeah part of my buy all the rest of my organs pay rent yeah and there was this thing and i was just freeloading damn and i was like i got to get this freeloader so finally we evicted that we evicted that bad tenant that was in my leg and uh that's unbelievable man i didn't even know that that happened to you yeah yeah i've spoken about a few times um i never really joked about it or made jokes out of it uh because it was i it wasn't funny to me it was like that would make me sad and i didn't know what was funny about it now i feel a lot better about it it happened a long time ago you know i feel like i'm solidly a man now you know as a comic i don't think i became solidly a man until like two years ago really yeah we're all yeah don't you feel like are you growing you have grandkids no i don't have anything like that i don't know i don't even have original children yeah do you have uh fake ones or imaginary replica ones no i don't have any wife or nothing like that yet i plan on getting it though you do i know i learned a lot about it yeah you're special yeah i watched let me see 34 minutes of your special that's about that's right that's probably more than what the algorithm is telling me that people watch so it was cool farther than most people yeah it's really really cool um what's the name of it i i don't oh wait i do know what it is it's called um something mom mom love mom love sorry mom love no that um anything in the area of mom it's like pronouncing my name i'll respond to yannis giannis giannis yeah and i could i mean i could have looked at the wikipedia page before i just forgot what it was named i'm not trying to say that i don't care no i know okay cool yeah yeah totally um yes you got the new special this is on youtube it's on youtube yeah it's on youtube it's cool man you shot over there madison which was nice really cool spot yeah and when i shot it i just decided to shoot it that night i had no plans to say i did my album a couple years ago that's comedy on stage too which is like it's a great club it's just run well and the audience is always great and you know who runs it greeks yeah great crazy two greek young ladies and their greek father who's really killed it i mean he came to this country like with like five bucks now he owns he owns like the whole state street they should rename it to like state docky street it's like greek yeah greeks conquered we came and we like like alexander he came and he just took over all the restaurants there alexander the greek right alexander the greek yeah he was alexander the great but yeah he was great macedonians will say he's macedonian greeks will say he's greek they fight about it and it's like guys who cares it's like one of those inter-fighting things where you're like dude like it's like between like serbs and croats you're like guys i can't [ __ ] tell the difference like the ira the northern irish and southern they're [ __ ] fighting the ukrainians and russians if i put a ukrainian russian here right now do you think one out of ten people from any country will be able to tell me what the difference is when they start [ __ ] talking between ukraine and russia what are they fighting over aren't they the same kind of like northern i think a syllable probably i think there's a couple syllables still on the board for or like a vowel maybe probably if they're fighting over anything it's probably a vowel over there because if you hear those people talk you don't there's zero vowels involved yeah oh stop all these and l's now yeah then the norwegians and swedes they have their hate for each other like people just hate each humans like to hate yeah we'll hate whatever's closest it's just well i think what do you what do you think that is i think part of it is because you just want to there's some need to feel what why do people want to hate i think part of it is uh it gives you a feeling of feeling okay if i can think this is worse yeah if i can think that that person is is not as good it's easier i think it's scary like what i think eye contact is scary i think making strong eye contact if you keep making it for a long time i think two people are either going to fight or [ __ ] okay like okay you have to look away at some point whereas it gets too powerful or like fall in love like eye contact it's a good point ever thought about that there was like a spectrum of eye contact yeah you got at some point you got to like look away you're like are we going to [ __ ] you know like i can't i mean or somebody's going to see something in you that you don't want them to see or that it's going to be you're going to be too you're too insecure you know you don't want the person to know you're lying or whatever it is or you're hiding something so i think that's the thing that is a barrier always with people and i [ __ ] you i don't want you yeah i'm hiding something i'm not comfortable with who i am so it just turns into like hey yeah it's got to be that 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i've gotten it through better help and you can as well that's why i almost became a quaker you didn't almost became a quaker i almost chose to become a quaker were you gonna marry into it or no no i was just gonna show up one day and be like i'm down with what you guys are doing what's the deal do i gotta do paperwork or do i you got to dunk me in water i want to do what you're doing because the way they get married i went to a quaker school for a little while brooklyn friends right because like these quaker schools and their thing is real beautiful man it's about silence really so like every day they have a silent meeting and everyone just sits in silence and nobody speaks unless they're moved to speak and then the weddings the the bride and groom to be or whatever they're called i don't know what the quakers call them yeah you know whatever they may have some like allegories from quakers or they call the weddings what i don't know but at a quaker wedding yeah i don't know the way they get married is a guy and the guy and girl who are getting married yeah just and all their friends gather around the guy and girl just sit for about an hour and stare at each other and everyone sits in silence and then after about an hour or so they're just married and nobody speaks unless god moves them to speak and that's it and i just thought that was so beautiful because if you're sitting with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with and you're sitting there for an hour you're probably having every fear every hope every insecurity everything transpire in your head yeah and you're just like it must be a real like just roller coaster of emotions and if you feel good about it after that hour you know you're probably doing the right thing but if you start feeling some bad feelings you probably know you're gonna have to cheat wow yeah i guess at that point you really all you're left with sitting there after an hour probably is some pure ass honesty probably that's right yeah i you said it a lot better than i that's what i was trying to say yeah and then i guess some of your friends do they speak up in those instances or not if god moves them supposedly but can you bring that up here what do we have like a quaker wedding sit in or is it like a um [Music] yeah i wonder what they would call it i don't know yeah maybe they just call it a quaker wedding yeah that's a good question man what do they call it do quakers make often referred to as the silent ceremony quaker weddings differ from the traditional protestant ceremony in four significant ways there is no efficient no giving away the bride a wedding certificate is signed and there's a long period of silent open worship after which those attending may speak on the couple's behalf and you know the quakers were against slavery too early on they're pretty they're pretty like clean dude i like that religion man it's just kind of quiet and like no mantra no dogma bring up some images of these folks huh do you mind so we know who we're actually considering here well they they look like the dude on the quake quaker oats box they all look like that oh god really still yeah they still kind of roll like that hmm get some vans or something at least they got it gotta they gotta change a little bit throw on some damn quick silver or something you know yeah some a little more weather appropriate at least yeah orthodox jews the same thing they wear the same wool like black suits even like in the middle of july oh dude i was at this halfway hour like not a halfway house but like a recovery house or whatever and this orthodox jewish dude had to roll in right and this and it's just like you know different guys staying in there and stuff and this guy rolls up dude he was dressed like biggie smalls right it was last summer bro it was this was in arizona it was 104 degrees this dude rolls out just like bakey smalls and had a grill that he would cook his food on in his room at night really just grilling this like kind of shady fish kind of like this [ __ ] you know i don't know what type of fish it was but i i it just it was unveiled the dude is pouring sweat his hands were all sweaty every time you shook his hand it felt like you were like babysitting one of those uh like one of those oil spill animals you know it was just disgusting bro i'm like oh my i was like if you were like get this will kill you you can't this can't be like a heavenly choice or whatever you'll die in this yeah they i guess when their mantra or whatever their dogma says this is how you dress wow it doesn't change there's no update yeah like there's no there's got to be jesus like whoever their jesus is has to come back and be like dude thank god i came back to tell you this because i can't watch you guys suffer anymore yeah you don't have to you can take a couple layers off when it's hot oh we need tank tops yeah fam i like to call this shady fish was it a shady fish because you just couldn't identify it i mean anybody that's grilling room a fish in their room on a little grill like that at night trying to and he was trying to secretly do it i think because one of the rules was you couldn't cook in your room because a lot of people are drug users in there ah so one dude's cooking a fish one dude's cooking up a batch of whatever you know some fireball for his arm you know so it's like the guys will cheat they're like oh he cooking i'm a cook so it wasn't the fish that was shady it was the whole situation what was going on though he was more shady it was breaking the rules oh okay so the fish was just a fish yeah all right cause i was trying to picture of shady fish being like and he kept wanting like gum or something from me i think he couldn't have gum so he was like break it was like i had some kind of candy or something he kept one oh it was nerd ropes so this dude [ __ ] kept every time i get my nerd ropes open he could hear the bag from the distance bro from across the desert dude like we with high heels and you oh yeah he'd come around and then watch him just nibble on this nerd rope this dude oh goimel or someone's name i don't know that dude was oh have you ever uh like this is what i like in my background in new york there's a lot of like irish catholic girls like catholic puerto ricans catholic was a big religion it's very repressive sexually i almost felt like when you hooked up with one of those girls that the repression was worth it for their energy they were so happy like you know like a religious dude with nerd rope or whatever little thing he can get that's not allowed it's almost worth it like sexually it's almost worth it for us all to be repressed to give it a little something extra oh i i i think that's what some of the value in the having the repression in religion for sex is yeah it's like to keep some energy in it to keep some fuel in the tank yeah and yeah there's definitely been a gal when she gets a hold of your nerd rope if you will even which is still i don't even think about that a great term for a wiener it is a really good way uh yeah they're definitely more keyed up about it like there's some girls that'll damn floss their teeth with it you know if you let them because it's just like so forbidden yeah it's just that forbidden you know it's a real dessert yeah but if you just all day you're just over there with your legs open at the bakery then you definitely becomes tried it becomes there's no value in it yeah it's kind of a lot of our society we burnt out a lot of the value of things i think that's where we're at right now me too we're almost like freedom's gotten too free well pornographies burn down like any like a lot of sexual energy so i think you have a lot of marriages that probably are i wonder if you could calculate how much pornography has killed marriages it's probably killed a lot not even marriage is just sex drive and like imagination and you know like uh it's bad pornography is bad and like it's bad because there's no smells in it there's no people's feelings in it you're just it's something got to be very unnatural about just staring at his modern screen moving pictures of something else that you can't smell it's just like visual and you're it that's got to be something bad for your brain there oh dude i remember biking across town i'd bike over there i knew a buddy had a couple titty mags over there his daddy hit him right and uh we'd bike kept him in the bathroom and i'd bike over to his house it was like seven miles from my house dude it took me half of a sunday to get over there and i'd bike over there and then just use their [ __ ] all afternoon and i'd just be in there playing with myself they must have thought i was insane dude i would come over there on the weekends and be all sweaty go in there just use a can for a while touch myself and then drink a bunch of water take a nap and then bike back home hydrate you have to hide because you thank god you must you you that means you had a vigorous masturbation it was everything you had was in there yeah yeah you really back then you really yeah it was unionized yeah i was saying the [ __ ] we got now you're lucky if you get ladder 14 out there yeah yeah the um the mags because i i'm from that generation too so i used to put them out like that i used to put them out yeah and then like we would we would share them one person would be one friend would be done with them pass them off to you and there'd be a circle i would put the mags out like that like four of them and make my own moving picture just by looking at all oh just real fast yeah just real fast i would go like counter clockwise too and i would just try you know yeah yeah so i was kind of ahead of the game when it like you know oh yeah yeah a little bit i was making it yeah yeah i did my i used my imagination in some way to make this situation a little more valuable yeah because it's hard to just look at a calvin klein ad and just it's tough kate moss only lasts you know it's just like you know you need movement you need something else yeah i need more yeah i'm a guy who needs a little more you know i need love i need a woman you know to be distant i need her to be adopted like that's what i need yeah in order for me to feel something i need her to have some real big issue that i'm trying to solve that'll never be solved that i can chase hmm like um adoption's a good one adopted women are like a nicholas cage movie almost that's a whole you can never feel the rejection from the mother so is amber heard adopted i would have like if she i would not be surprised she was adopted she has that vibe to her she adopted let's look it up i'm taking i'm taking a guess because adopted adopted people just that the rejection from the mom is just on that level you know a lot of us don't get the nurture and all that but like to just say he i don't want it that's something you can't fill but so there's something alluring to it amber heard i can't see those are do you find her attractive amber her was born she not adopted yeah i don't think she was adopted she's a younger sister named whitney um do i i actually a buddy of mine had a birthday and she and i both like spoke at his birthday or whatever did like a little i don't think it's like a eulogy i don't know what it is but like a thing you know and uh so that was kind of interesting just one time getting like um [Music] met her just briefly i don't know i i i don't to me she's not that she's not my type i don't think but what's your type mmm just probably different than her maybe okay not blonde not blondier girls don't like me really no they've never i'm getting a lot of blonde you know what do you get man what do you have i know you got one you especially have some great jokes about weddings man i was howling thank you dude i appreciate that i was howling dude thank you uh my my wife she's she's greek oh wow do you have to marry a greek i didn't have to and i did which is weird because my parents didn't care about that at all and i did it which makes me figure why did i do that but i love her i love my wife there you go good that's a good thing and i didn't marry her because she was greek i just married her because the vibe was nice i got i i when i met her i think i was at a point in my life where i'd made so many mistakes i don't regret any of them because they were all fun they were just meant to end some of the fun of [ __ ] is just meant to end and so like you can't ever you just look back and go like oh that was fun but it was meant to end you know dude that's such an interesting statement man yeah i think so because i think nobody ever hears that statement yeah and so a lot of us get stuck in this space oh the f has to keep going or there's but yeah some of the fun is meant to end wow that's also what makes it fun that's what makes it so fun you know this uh this is powerful dawg yeah i mean it's like damn steve austin that's powerful like steve austin yeah i mean everything has a balance here it's a finite universe you run all the way in this direction you're gonna come out on the other side like miss pac-man like this is not an infinite universe so it's always seeking balance and like the fun or something is you know the more you're going to pay for it later you're either going to pay in life people think they're not going to pay but that's just because you didn't have to pay up top sometimes you walk into a restaurant you know and you order first get the food but the checks coming yeah even though you ate you think you ate and you're gonna now you or you're gonna be washing dishes yeah but you're gonna pay there's always a cost it's just either you pay up front or you pay later bam so yeah if it's that fun it's like the check's coming were you giving did you have were you did you think you wouldn't get married yeah i wasn't i didn't think i was getting married i'd have kids all that stuff frightened me because of issues and stuff uh you know uh parents were divorced parents had really had animosity towards each other and uh my mother was like a little cold you know she wasn't very nurturing oh yeah yeah so that makes it a little intimacy a weird thing did you ever go to any of the recovery meetings or are getting the programs they're like no no no no no i do go to therapy though therapy helps therapy helps if me a lot my therapist i love i think he's great you know i just connect with him and it works for me it's a man now you got a man now i'm a man i think i'm a man enough now to be able to open up to a man wow back then it was just like i had to be a woman because i felt too vulnerable now i could cry in front of a man dude i could [ __ ] cry in front of a man i mean i don't cry a lot i haven't cried a lot but i can [ __ ] yeah i can [ __ ] do it [ __ ] you if it came to it like you know we got in like a serious [ __ ] convo i wouldn't hide it oh i'll cry against anybody yeah i'll [ __ ] cry i'll put on [ __ ] shoulder pads any helmet cry cry the [ __ ] out of a [ __ ] [ __ ] two teddies dog i'll get two touchdowns and [ __ ] cry [Laughter] you're comfortable with who you are then that means yeah oh dude yeah i'll cry for 400 yards dog yeah and six touchdowns dude i'm not afraid to do it you got like a you got like a i love your i said it before i think i might have said it on someone's podcast but like you got a rhythm to you it's like listening to comedy jazz oh thanks man and then you imagine you're painting these pictures and you're like wow you're just like there you go wow the [ __ ] is a shady fish there you start to see it you start to see the the fish act in shade you see the dude like you paint a picture with your comedy it's and it's jazz it's very very very rhythmic thanks man like is that maybe that's like louisiana i mean it's that influence of kind of just like yeah rhythm yeah yeah i don't know when i'm feeling good everything feels pretty good i always feel rude around a southerner i feel rude i feel like my rhythm is rude like i'm you know what i mean like because i'm good friends with nate like me and nate came up together nate bar gatsby oh yeah yeah he's feeling rude around like he's and he always kind of was like like always telling his body language is always telling me chill like chill right like what are you and i'm like i'm just living man and he's like yeah but it's it you know that's living at a high level yeah a high octane a level that's like not where i want to be and i'm like i'm sorry i'm taking you know yeah nate has a real past he's real he has a real not passiveness but just like a pacifisticity to him yeah he's real real home he seems organized yeah like he'd be a good general i think like a quiet general yeah maybe maybe things would have been different if he was back then maybe the south he they lost maybe they were a little too laid back yeah you guys lost that well i think we had good generals but i think we just didn't have uh well i don't know if we let enough of the favorite if they would have used more if they would have had more slaves fight as well yeah but the cause wasn't right yeah yeah i think the whole thing was kind of discombobulated it was definitely discombobulated yeah that was a good word to say do you think that they we could ever get back to another civil war yeah unfortunately yeah i do yeah but it wouldn't be the same states against each other this time um yeah that's an interesting thing to think because it's different it's not like yeah what would it be or to be over it may not even be geographical it may be more uh city versus country where like the countries just had enough dude i i feel like it could be religious almost too even yeah where people want more religious beliefs or religious based beliefs i don't know i think maybe i think maybe a religious dictator may be the only thing that could pull us back together like joel osteen if he got in power at talk i mean he's got his i was just thinking i didn't even he's got a mullet kind of right he's got kind of that soft boy mo like somebody that plays second base that kind of gets a mullet yeah you know yeah he's not but still no he's still trying to be handsome yeah you got to grow it past handsome yeah you gotta have full balls once you grow your mullet past handsome dude that's when you know you that's that's when it knows you want it so it's comfortable you you're comfortable with it it's a full commitment you're married at that point you're in a relationship with your hair yeah once you sat there for an hour together he's just dating his hair right now yeah he's still it's still like yeah yeah it's still in the dating phase yeah what would a civil war be about um it would probably be about abortion uh abortion would be one of them um bathrooms people really upset about bathrooms like yo man some one group's like yo we got enough bathrooms and another side's like yo we need more bathrooms yeah and it's ironic because construction workers most of the time believe in less bathrooms but it would be good for their business to build more you know i mean that's a great point even think about that yeah and i always wanted to i always wanted to know if there should be like i don't like should there be gay and straight bathrooms gay and straight as well well because if i'm a gay dude yeah and i get to roll into a place where other dudes has their penises out yeah it's like a fat dude walking into a barbecue this is great but that's okay right well i i'm not saying there's anything wrong with it no but i understand what you're saying questioning like you know is that or if there's a should there be hey i'm a pedophile do can i just go pee by myself somewhere to keep me on whatever path i'm you know to keep me away from you know what i'm saying like how often do you separate it yeah i know exactly these are really difficult problems to solve because what if you know you're a pediaphile right you know it pediatric and you don't want to go in there yeah you don't want to go in there because it's just pediatrics are very hydrating better very hydrated pedophile because you mix pedialyte and uh and pedophile let me just turn that's that's me on youtube yeah just turn it off yeah not a crazy idea yeah because i don't know because it's just like we keep separating everything we keep separating everything you know but we you kind of have to that's the problem like to govern this whole thing that's the problem with freedom it's like the oxymoronic thing about freedom is uh you know i need to be okay with you doing something different and and you need to be okay with me doing something different but by virtue of the fact that we're okay with us doing something different because we're free we don't want to hang out with each other so we separate and then somehow you got to be like world it's got to be like a detan like hey man you're going to that club i'm going to this club you believe in that i believe in that obviously we're not going to hang out because we believe different things but that's going to create separation and eventually cause a problem yeah that threatens freedom so it's kind of like this built-in oxymoronic tenant to [ __ ] what freedom is it's like built to fail and that's why authoritarians always come in and just make everything the same you know and then you're like [ __ ] that was inevitable and then that gets stale because you know you need you need jewish people to complain in order for things to get better yeah you know like if hitler got what he wanted they wouldn't nothing would get better because there's nobody around to be like ah this place is a little too small it's a little too hot we need to change this the food's a little cold and then nobody knows what's good or not but then that never ends though yeah you got to curtail it back i think at some point you got to christian it back a little christian because then it's like if you get so far down that this is wrong this is then you're just at the point where it's like the freedom thing it's like when is this ever right it's like two negative two negative two negative right well it's like we're never there's always going to be a problem right right like at some point you can't always have a problem right at some point things have got to be like this is good enough right because then that's that that fosters greed because you're like it's not uh this is bad that's bad maybe this will fix it this will fix it there's a problem every way you lose there's a problem we look at everything it's tough the only way to have be okay is for us to just [ __ ] die do you think i've thought about this sometimes like do you think that humans are supposed to be here when you look at the rest of nature it's really interesting it's like you know it's really fascinating to me at this point in my life i believe that we're our perspective is as involved in what reality is as reality is in and of itself huh you know what i mean like me and you could be going through the same town right and like let's say i'm hungry like what walking through it or driving well we're strolling okay we're strolling or does that even matter it doesn't even matter but i like the visual of it we're walking hanging out we're talking all right it's a real mellow talk we're chilling your mouth's moving a little bit because it's a little breeze oh yes yeah my hair looks stupid because my mother-in-law cut it yeah and i got to figure out a way to get out of that but that keeps happening well you guys live with her well you know i told her once i got another haircut and she like made some like passive aggressive comments and now i'm like i'm locked into this haircut dude when i was young this lady missed bobby's to cut my hair right and she wasn't even i don't know haircut or not but she had a stroke one time and i didn't know what had happened i didn't know if she was doing something whatever i just met her and so i [ __ ] sat in this room bro in the haircutting chair while she laid on the floor for like six minutes dude i had no idea what was going on what was did you ever find out or huh yeah her daughter came in the room and was like oh my god they're having a stroke and they call the ambulance but it was crazy man i just remember i didn't know i didn't know if she had taken a nap or if she was just so old or something you know that cause any trauma for you while you're getting a haircut are you like do you keep asking are you okay i i actually ended up cutting my own hair at some point in my life for like probably 17 15 17 years yeah but um so we're walking in the place okay you're hungry i'll say you're hungry i want to [ __ ] all right right so since we're walking we're inhabiting the same reality but you're you're driven by a desire to eat i'm driven by a desire to [ __ ] so you're going to notice all the food places i'm going to notice all the [ __ ] okay so our realities are different so our desires and our perceptions i think create what reality is as much as what it actually is we're walking through the same place right but we're noticing different things so the reality is different for both of us even though there's this blank slate of what it is so it's sort of that thing does a does a does a tree make a sound in the forest if nobody's there to hear it um yes and no because you need the faculty of sound to be able to hear it so without humans at all um it doesn't make a sound but the only way the reason why sound is a phenomenon is because we have ears so we wouldn't even be asking a question if there was no people here so you need both for even the question to be asked so we're part of this we're like look you built this whole [ __ ] this is your imagination like this is like this is just uh this is just a manifestation of ideas this is part of reality now but this was in you you're like i like this picture here i want that thing there i want smart waters for my guests this there's this is all this is theo like manifested so like you've this is reality right but this is you've made it and this is like you've you've built it you built reality you know reality wasn't here without you it's like you know so it's it's a little bit of a symbiotic relationship happening at the same time so we kind of like build reality while we're going like a dark tunnel with nothing but do you think that we've sometimes i wonder if years from now we'll look back and be like holy [ __ ] we went down a crazy uncomfortable path of the reality we built you know and like will we look back and like oh man that whole path they took was wrong and this is the correct way to go like i i just feel like sometimes we've gotten so far from like nature and things that really like intrinsically like make us feel good maybe yeah that we're so far from those receptors even that it's getting like kind of not dour cause life is you know there's a lot of great moments but overall is it is and i want it could just be american society doing well you know i don't know comfort corrupts eventually it feels like that a little bit it does maybe you're right maybe like we would feel more fulfilled if we were still hunting and women still had hair on their vaginas and stuff like that there was a little more unpleasant trees we were used to because when you make things pleasant pleasant pleasant then you want more pleasant more pleasant you're like yeah oh there's no hair to choke on when i'm meeting her [ __ ] but now i want her [ __ ] tastes like honeydew and you just keep going and you keep going yeah till like you actually start putting syrup in there yeah yeah which is where we're at which is where we're at like if there's no if it doesn't taste like syrup then we're a little dissatisfied yeah i mean people are selling freaking you know uh condiments and stuff like that for the body in the crotch um [Music] yeah what else man we had some good news topics that came up what have what's happening in the news guys let me see what do we have here is that you as abraham lincoln i guess it is yeah someone made that that's really a nice thing somebody drew with all the different faces on it that's very cool all the podcasts and before everything fell apart yeah because it used to be a real scene right and now it's like yeah it still is it's just like more individual scenes yeah you know yeah do you feel that because you guys were doing what you guys did first you guys had history history hyenas right yeah me and chris and what happened was there a reason you guys uh took it off you just run its course yeah it kind of ran its course he wanted to do different things and uh you know uh i wanted to do different things and uh you know we ended it kind of on a high note i guess like you know um i know there's a lot of speculation about it and all this but you know it was there yeah there's a lot of speculation but in retrospect when you look back you're like yeah i'm kind of we're probably both glad it ended when it did and that fans should be happy it ended when it did you know it got a real cult following people were really into it me and chris had a real rhythm that we built and uh it was this two-man comedy which i love man it's like i love that i love that i just love feeling you know it's like me and you would be real good friends because it's not totally smooth but there's moments with smooth but if we spend a lot of time together it would get really smooth oh wow but it's real i mean the bumpy moments are kind of real right that's what that's how i kind of like like my wife because i usually i would like if i was seduced by a girl i'd fall in love with her and then it would turn [ __ ] and i'm like that's not the right way to go and then the people who i want to be around it's always a little there's work because anything that's real takes work yeah so like my wife i didn't have a great time the first time she bored the hell out of me i hope she doesn't watch his podcast really yeah she bored the hell out of me she just sat there [ __ ] silent and i remember my friend who unfortunately is going through a rough time right now but he told me i was complaining about i was like she doesn't talk she doesn't say anything he's been married for a long time and he was gone he was going he was going like that so you're complaining about that and then that changed my perspective which changed my reality i was like oh [ __ ] maybe that is a good thing long term that she's kind of chill comfortable in her own skin doesn't need to talk all the time because people need to talk all the time are usually covered up for the fact that they're they feel insecure they're bored and i changed my whole [ __ ] outlook on it wow and then you end up marrying her and i ended up marrying her so it's like i love i love the two man i love like i had a character and i had a my friend who passed away angelo we did this live show and this we did this two-man comedy man like angela bowers now uh angelo uh lazada new york comic and uh he passed away and um it was just there's something magical about when you're connecting with someone on a comedic vibe and the two you don't know where it's going yeah you create something bigger than yourself anytime you're creating something bigger than yourself is a beautiful thing i think a lot of times people get depressed or anxious because they're thinking about themselves too much because we're boring the thing is we may think we're great but we're all just kind of like shitty humans walking around [ __ ] and pissing and having itchy balls and like we're dying slowly with air air hardenings happening to us isn't that wild that oxygen the same thing that keeps us alive is also slowly killing us that's what happens really just like a fruit damn fruit the air gives the fruit life but if you if you leave it too long the air actually kills the fruit it rots it that's air exposure overexposure damn it's like aaron brockovich kind of it's exactly like aaron brockovich [ __ ] and um so i love that two-man thing and that's what me and chris had and um and maybe it just kind of reached its thing where it was like we did it you know and like when you look back you're kind of like that comedy exists for the three years and then he's doing great stuff i'm doing something different and was it scary to change that would be the part that's scary for me the scary part to change to think like okay something else is going to come along that's going to fill this space or i'm going to this is going to affect my creativity or it's going to affect my livelihood even like my ticket sales or my people to be able to hear me did those kind of things come into your head because that's that comes into my head because i do another podcast you know i think about well if i didn't do this or or if i didn't do this or you know now we're all our own businesses so much that it's like if i let go of one little segment of my business is that going to mess everything up it gets scary yeah i used to worry a lot more with that i didn't worry at all and even thinking about it when you were asking it is like i don't i get i guess that means i matured a little bit because it's like maybe you believe in yourself a little more or you just trust something's gonna happen you believe in your talents and also taking me accepting my own mortality which was something that always scared me yeah uh helps because it takes the pressure off everything it's like if it's good or it's not it doesn't matter like because it's ephemeral it's going away anyway so might as well try to connect to people might as well try to have a good time whether there's money involved or not as long as i'm having a good time the experience is the same like if me and he you were sitting here this is a huge podcast right um if it was a small podcast what would be the difference in the feeling that me and you were having there'd be no difference yeah right it'd be no difference between like what we're trying to do here trying to get to know each other which is a you know a challenge for like we're just meeting each other too and if it's filmed because why not monetize that in this era and it's like sometimes my wife talks i'm like don't speak unless you [ __ ] we got cameras wrong um the other day i invited a friend that i don't know but like kind of a buddy out for lunch and i was like [ __ ] it feels insane inviting somebody else but not a podcast because it gets so busy but go on i interrupted it yeah no but i was just saying it it's uh that takes the pressure off for me a lot that takes the pressure off when i think about that i put things into perspective and go like when you're talking about do i get scared like scared about like oh it's gonna hurt my ticket sales or my livelihood that fear always creeps in but then i realized like even if it does you know i'm dying anyway or even if it doesn't and i get money i'm still dying anyway so hopefully i'm having a good time damn and the one thing i did the silver lining from having that moment when i got shot and that i can share and it is an experience that not a lot of people have that i did have yeah where you think you're gonna die in that moment you think it's over and i did not like the way i felt because you have this moment it's like a dream where you it's hard to explain like you know like a dream it's like how did that happen in two seconds how did i how did that whole story happen and then scientists are saying like it only happens in a second your brain somehow does that thing where you get like this recap where you look at yourself you have this feeling about who you are what you've done everything and uh i was like i didn't like it and so thankfully i was able to not die then but i also burned with this knowledge of like [ __ ] i don't want to feel that again so like when i have that moment when i'm dying i want to be chill i want to be able to be like i like who i am i like what i did i liked the way i lived i was true to whatever it is i want to do and who i am and i tried at least or to be brave or to be me or whatever it is was it it felt important in that moment and like uh wow so i guess that's the silver lining of that moment it sucked other than that and like knowing like oh [ __ ] that's what you live for you live for that moment you want that moment to be peaceful you want that moment because that moment is coming there's no way to avoid it for any of us so all this other [ __ ] comes and goes ups and downs but that [ __ ] is a certainty and you have that moment of awareness that's interesting are you able to recreate that moment in any other way in your life that you've noticed since then or the moment where are there times you're like oh this is a little bit of a recreation of that no wow no we could no there's so much going on it's so weird that [ __ ] moment man it's a weird moment [ __ ] where were you laying down no i was in the car you were sitting in the car sitting dealing with him while it was happening and also that's why i'm saying it's so weird was also like having all these thoughts you know and like feelings about people i love bad things i've done and you're bleeding i'm bleeding it's all happening it happens in a second the sound i can't remember the sequence of it it's just kind of happening and you're in the moment and uh you're in two places i'm in the moment reacting doing the things i was doing with him like we were tussling and uh i was also like someplace else in this [ __ ] like last moment place where you're something in you know is like oh [ __ ] this is it because i didn't think i was living i mean i'm in a car i know i'm shot it feels ominous you know i don't know i just you my mind just went i'm dying this is it it's over the whole thing's over you're in this effect we you can cognitively know you can cognitively say to yourself life is finite but you can't really feel it no you can't feel it unless you're in it and then you're like oh [ __ ] and it's all like the the reality of it being so ephemeral and all going away is just like it's freaky man it's like uh just now when i was talking about i was like oh that's free it's a you feel like yeah when you get that feeling sometimes like this is all gonna disappear one day it's [ __ ] like just now i felt translucent i felt invisible just even was talking about i felt like wow blurry it's like oh [ __ ] this is all blurry you know in its essence it's like really like an abstract painting there's nothing defined and we're on the way it's weird and so i don't know that was a good that was a silver lining at that moment damn but it also takes the pressure off it's scary but it takes a pressure off going like oh wait you know yeah if you're having fun what's the difference yeah because sometimes i'm like am i how much fun what am i doing how much pressure am i putting on myself you know i think about those things all the time am i working you know just like it's hard sometimes to um do you have any like hobbies you like to do outside like something else where you're not thinking about yeah i like doing jiu jitsu and i like doing um what else do i like doing playing wordle playing scrabble on my phone um how do you feel when you're doing those things you probably feel no anxiety when you're doing those things pretty chill yeah yeah that's why i like talking to my brother um those are all chill [ __ ] dessert dammit dessert's a great moment that's a real good moment yeah [ __ ] that brings a lot of good feelings i had a couple last night boy had too many i like going to different meetings and [ __ ] uh what um let's pull that news story that came back up let's get it one more time i'm curious as to what happened with the wedding and stuff like where you said did you have dating issues where was just some of your stuff there because i have a ton of that [ __ ] man yeah well the merit the wedding material you talking about oh the wedding material but no just like you had said like you know you didn't think you were going to get married because i worry about that sometimes i was scared man like when it came when it comes to commitment for me it's real hard it's real hard and i had the same thing i i give a lot of credit to my buddy paul verzi who's a comic who has been married for a long time has kids they're kind of growing up was kind of like married before he started making money as a comedian and that was like his priority was family and that's what he wanted and uh he just helped me he kind of was my like he was like my maverick he guided me in with that like he helped me get the ring he showed me where to go he talked me through the feelings like on the night i was gonna propose this is honest to god truth i felt everything in my body was like i just want to leave wow i just wanted to get in the car and drive like thelma louise i don't even know where i was going drive away i just wanted to drive away i didn't want to do it every fear hit me and then i did it and it felt incredible it was incredible when i did it but it was the opposite before i could couldn't sit still in my skin like i was just i could feel that oh god i was just uncomfortable i wanted to leave i wanted to get out of my body out of the situation but okay so you have those feelings but was it telling you the situation is wrong the feeling was telling the situation is wrong everything's wrong i was doing everything but it was just the fear of commitment it was a fear of commitment it was the fear of the choice i was making which i knew would have consequences that was something outside of myself and it has to do with my issues growing up and uh it's hard it's hard to face that [ __ ] that's the scariest thing i could ever think of yeah and look marriage is like it's it's work but it's like stand-ups work too right and we love stand-up we love comedy it's work sometimes um but like flying on planes and doing all that shit's work but then when we're on stage that's the good part so it's like it's real our love for stand-up is real and i look at my love for my wife and i'm like it's real you know we fight uh we have different opinions but overall like we support each other all the good you get out of it is just puts everything in perspective about everything else is not being important and like it's family you have a new family yeah and family never leaves and you have a womb you're like you have a cozies place you have a cozy place where you can she's asleep like you know i go down in the basement i put my hand on my balls i watch a game and i feel i'm at home and that's just a nice feeling even if she's not with me which sometimes is nice yeah jesus more rooms that's why it's like [ __ ] mormons basements upper basements yeah and then when you have a kid it's like that's the thing man i mean i hate to be so cynical about it but no this is all interesting because i feel a lot of these things a lot of people do i think i mean even when i'm watching your special and the talking about the wedding and stuff and just a lot it's like [ __ ] when you have a kid uh you realize what the meaning of life is it's pretty cynical it's no different than a string bean or a cockroach it's like the meaning of life is kind of just like to reproduce that's what all animals are doing and when you do it it's like nature you don't even have a choice you just have these feelings of you know you're loving something more than yourself and then you're like everything just feels easier because like oh you're like oh that's that's what it's about you're a little like oh this is [ __ ] this isn't this it's pretty cynical like there's no like great philosophy to figure out or no apex feeling it's just like to give to her or him or they or baby or whatever your kid i do them yeah it's just one but yeah yeah we only have one seat yeah but uh that that takes you out of yourself so maybe anything that takes you out of yourself oh yeah makes you happy something bigger than you or outside of you yeah that's the root of a lot of recovery stuff too is just feeling better is just getting out of yourself i i respect addicts the most in fact i tell my really good friend who's an addict that he's my role model and i mean that because i know what he has to do i know what he has to go through and he's built a family and he's sober and just being sober and that he works out so much and put his addiction in another place it's just i know how hard what he does is i know what he's going through i have people very close to me who have who have lost that battle for now in big ways that are painful um and then him to be able to day by day he's just my role that strength for me like that's who i look up to like i look up to him really it has nothing to do with career or anything like that it's like you know i know he's he's fighting that battle and i i just i have all the respect for people who have to do who go through that you know i'm lucky enough it's just lucky that you don't have that yeah it's like my dad my dad told me he he was very cynical but he told me everyone it's luck most of life is luck and that was very disconcerting here as a young person but the way he explained is like even if you have your health like even michael jordan you go oh michael jordan that's not luck that's it yeah yeah yeah it is but like he's lucky he didn't get hit by a car right he's lucky we're always lucky if we're like healthy or like you know nothing bads happen because we don't control that [ __ ] yeah right [ __ ] shooter come in here right now and end us yeah you already got shot yeah so at this point probably going to be your boy right here yeah bro the chances happens twice i don't want that no you don't want that but yeah i can just totally man my whole life i've had that commit that when it comes to relationships and stuff like that commitment you know like not even never wanting to be totally attached to somebody else you know like even my girlfriends i would introduce them a lot of times by their first i would just say this is my friend or this is like i would never want to [ __ ] have somebody else have a say in who i was you know um that means you're independent you're strong it does but it's also about commitment like you know it's really about that's true some of it could be independence but i think some of it's about like um yeah i just want to be totally stand on my own and i don't want if somebody thinks something of that person i don't want to them think of it like it's like i have some you don't want to negatively reflect on you right yeah which is kind of a crazy selfish way to think it's not even it's not a choice i make it's something that was baked into me right you know it's something that i know isn't healthy or conducive to feeling okay isn't it weird how we're like these sensitive like of this all the species we're like this this most sensitive with feelings and freudian issues like a turtle doesn't think about his childhood yeah turtle's not like my mom didn't but it's very valid for humans it's weird like they don't have issues they don't need therapy animals don't need therapy yeah it's that's why sometimes i'm like are we this loose end of existence that's not are we like the appendix you know are we like this thing that wasn't supposed to be there like you know like the show lost kind of are we like the thing that wasn't supposed to happen if you lined all the animals and stuff up like we kind of fit in a little yeah but we're definitely the outsider for sure big time we need pavement we need toilets yeah that's a good question maybe this is just an evolutionary mistake like a you know like a byproduct of like that uh evolutionary will that carries species through time and uh into survival and maybe we're just uh yeah maybe we're just a product of that will and then you're like ah well the end result of that is not supposed to be what it is because we've because we kind of mastered it all the other animals still have some weaknesses but we're like superman of the species yeah we're making shows about i mean it's like we're like we're like yes we're like yeah like we're making shows about life and we're like you're living it we're like we're doing it twice right that way yeah we're doing holograms we're perfecting we're making it look perfect even though it's not it's like it's interesting man it's interesting to think uh yeah but then also i can feel a god a lot of times i can feel that there's a power that's greater than me you know it's got to be so it's like that makes you think you're connected to something else that there is some purpose you know because i can i mean i have no doubt that i feel a god you know so i mean it's just my perception maybe maybe that's what it's maybe we evolved in order to to [ __ ] [ __ ] all the other species who think they're the [ __ ] because they walk around arrogant they're not humble we're the only ones yeah right i mean [ __ ] lions walk around like their [ __ ] don't stink dude and it's like look i get it you're beautiful they're so beautiful they're [ __ ] killing machines and they run [ __ ] but not anymore not anymore dude we'll get some fat lazy trophy hunter who's a ceo over here who wants to feel because he's got too much who come and just shoot you for sport damn so don't [ __ ] walk around like all like it's not like that anymore it's not all like that you can't be rolling around the jungle like that so maybe we like we get humbled by god maybe we're their god and that's was our purpose because they were [ __ ] acting up maybe they were all sinning like why the [ __ ] they got to be dicks like that why does the hyena have to kill his his brother and sister just to you know just because he wants to be the bad one and show his mother that he can survive more why not why not help him why not find out what he's good at he's your brother yeah he's not as strong as you but maybe he's good at puzzles or some [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah raccoons eat their children if they want to have more sex they they're probably going to hell that's bad that's sinning they have to so maybe we were like their god and be punishing them you could easily if you open the door to imagine you open the door to hell and there aren't a million raccoons in there you would have to be disappointed you'd be like dude they're allowed to do that and i'm going to hell because i cheated on my math test that would be that would be bad dude there's a picture of some dogs having sex when we're young and my brother and i are both hugging one of the dogs around the net pretty cool wait say that again there's a picture of two dogs mating our neighbors dogs and my brother and i are both hugging one of the dogs around the neck we don't know that they're mating oh okay i just think their buddies are you know like yeah cause you said that i was like best friends that that was that's a that's a moment right there yeah well they were [ __ ] you just guys got in great picture probably never never happened yeah you might that might be one of the only times two people hug two animals while they were mating and got a picture out of it yeah like that that's one of those rare things you like to is theo and his brother the only people who did that who made that happen yeah you could google that right now would not be there that's one of those things you could google most things that something would come up i guarantee you if he googles right now two brothers hugging two animals [ __ ] two brothers hugging two animals [ __ ] zero comes up yeah brothers hugging uh mating animals man mating animals i told you i told you what's the closest thing we got is there anything right there what's that picture with the humans in it nope no that's autism damn every time they sneak that autism hug in there baby damn every time baby damn i love if there's anything like human hugging [ __ ] human hugging sex animals it's always autism let's hit a couple news topics and then we'll get giannis out of here you got to make sure to catch his special mom love i can only vouch for the first 34 minutes of it but man it was awesome dude thank you and thank you for saying that thank you for having me i really i appreciate it this is the way to like get the word out and like you got a big audience so i appreciate you having me man yeah it's cool man i'm glad to get to meet you and spend time with you um yeah i can't believe we haven't over the years kind of but then once podcast has started people don't see each other as much in a weird way yeah yeah yeah i guess so and there was always kind of the west coast east coast thing that kind of kept people apart i guess you guys would come in and do on a and that's how you'd meet some east coast oh that's true yeah and otherwise like yeah that there was just that separation podcast has kind of bridged that gap a little bit that's a good point well we started doing podcasts because we saw how rich you guys were getting oh people were thinking that yeah oh hell yeah yeah well the ones of us who are [ __ ] you know have some smarts at least you're going jesus christ not only are they making money but they're having a blast yeah they're having a good [ __ ] time like why would we go do six sets a night you know to go perform on some late night show you know and when nobody's watching well these guys are having a great time yeah we were like looking at a party we were like you know like looking at that party going on and we're like our party sucks but we didn't want to admit that it sucks then finally someone's got to go dude just because it's our party we got to stop thinking our party's great because we want to depend defend our party because you know it's like that thing we're like i can make fun of my brother but you can't yeah kind of thing like even though i know he's stupid but i i only i can say it you can't and then you're going like dude just like join the party man they're having a blast they're making comedy they're having fun they're talking to each other laughing yeah and making a new type of comedy this is a new thing like stand-up was a thing that came along during vaudeville when there was no technology we could film anything and now it's like this is a new thing it's like a mixture of like improv riffing stand up uh i don't know what it is but it's not just radio it's not just uh like jokes it's like a it's a podcast it's a new ethos yeah and it's so i mean there's so many now too it's like i mean a few years ago there was literally even three years ago and it i feel like it like doubles the the amount of them doubles i wonder how often because it's crazy like people years ago that were like i remember crystal he was like i'm never doing a [ __ ] podcast i remember amy schumer was like poo poo you know and then now everybody's done one or if they can do one they do one yeah you know yeah even people that's damn rich i think biden does one they don't even know he didn't even know if he does one crazy if you ask him he might say yes oh dude that freaking child predator yeah um let's look at this right here oh did you see this the man what is this about this is the guy that attacked chappelle says he was triggered yeah yeah what is it yeah which is it also says an apparent change of an apparent change of tune um that seems like attorneys probably told him to say this huh yeah that's a good call yeah yeah that gives him much more of a leg to stand on i feel like yeah it's like hey this will get some people behind you i thought this was fake actually when i first heard about this oh leah is quoted as saying i identify as bisexual i wanted him to know what he said was triggering i wanted him to the next time he should consider first running his material by people it could affect could you imagine no the arrogance of that statement well if this guy's buyer you know the male side of him should have freaking attacked him attacked himself well it's just i don't you can't you can't then you don't don't need to listen to this man go listen to a man or woman that you didn't really enjoy i think right uh i thought they hired somebody to do this i really really did i also like thought that with the slap you know hollywood's 911 the will smith and chris rockslap at first i was like that's fake i think a lot of people thought because i guess a lot of people you know we stayed [ __ ] now everything everyone's got to make a spectacle to uh online that's what it's become you know yeah it's like uh because we it gets views i mean the news even does that right they just create a spectacle with their headlines and they're fear-mongering and all that because it gets views we're all competing to get attention so inevitably you're like did they stage that for attention there's always a question in your brain yeah and they beat the guy up pretty good um but i even if i'm if i'm somebody i don't have anything going on you're like hey i'll give you a half a mil 200 000. some guys are going to break a couple of your bones can you handle it if i'm already bisexual i'll probably buy joints or whatever sure i could probably take a shoulder out of socket so you say even though you got beat it there is a chance it could still be it could still be fake oh i i i'm not saying that it definitely isn't but i would not have been shocked i think you could find a guy for 200 grand yeah that would take a take an ass weapon and go potentially he's not going to go to jail do you think he'll go to jail that's i heard he's getting out but i mean it happened in los angeles right i feel like that's what happens in los angeles criminals get out yeah get off now so i mean uh especially if he says he was triggered by jokes i feel like they'd go like oh we we must have had the wrong guy but then i guess if you're trans say if you're trans and this guy isn't trans well he doesn't say he says he's bi but then this dude is like you're dang he's like you're a rudy rudiger kind of idiot and you know what i'm saying like if you're really on that side of the boat he's like you're john brown he's uh i don't know who john brown is john brown was down from cleveland no john brown was uh the dude who attacked the armory to protest slavery he was down for the like he did the crazy like kind of suicide mission oh he did he attacked the armory and yeah he was like down for the cause but it's are people like heroizing this guy are the gay and trans community hero heroising him i don't know that's a good question i don't know i don't know how they i think he just came out saying this so maybe they're maybe they're having their meeting now to figure out how to praise him maybe they're having their media meeting to go like oh you know now we can now we can like him i don't know what they're doing oh yeah because he's adding in also plus jokes earlier in the night made by an opener talking pedophilia rocked lee as well he says he was sexually abused as a minor well that's one of the side effects of being a damn minor these days i feel like dude you got to get i mean you got to get into a better industry if you guys are underground somebody's going to touch ass on the way up yeah i'm i'm disconcerting how much of that is going on like how much i love how the guy's arm is out of sock and they still cuff him oh my god dude the lord already cuffed this dude seems a little redundant yeah i mean his arm is backwards how did they even get his arm back normal i mean it looks like he's an action figure and like you pop it out a different way that's 200 000 man they spat on me and twisted me as if on purpose oh yeah no they definitely they definitely didn't do it on accident he said no they they didn't break your arm on accident man at least he's aware of that this is interesting right here i told him my mother and grandmother who fought for his civil rights to be able to speak would be upset at the things he said this is a perfect example of what you were talking about earlier where things go kind of this full circle way where it's like you you want what were you saying earlier you said it's like you want to get these freedoms but at a certain point they kind of like get too free yeah it gets itself there's nowhere to go like uh yeah you're like dude you know you you know how do you know how contradictory what you're saying you're saying my grandparents fought for this right like yeah that's why he's a multi-millionaire comedian speaking freely right who's black right exactly like that's the end of the right like yeah that's at a certain point that's you're doing you're doing what the cops would do to him back then or maybe sometimes now but you're doing what like white america would have done to him back then so what you're saying makes no [ __ ] sense you're being the bad person but he doesn't see that he has an awareness of it yeah yeah he's shutting down a black man doing comedy getting paid millions of dollars having being adorned by all these people who have paid to see him you're stopping that because uh you think you're doing it for civil rights it's twisted logic well it's interesting because it's like what's the thing then is it the vet the fact that you don't want him to like if the money's not involved then it kind of changes it what do you mean well i guess like man it's so hard to think and say stuff um like you want him to be able to speak um i don't know what i'm saying exactly what he was saying if the money's not involved well it's like civil rights like you want to you know freedom of speech like you're granted he says my grandmother fought for his freedom of speech right right so now he has that freedom of speech right but is it because he's making like why did he do it what's his reasoning why he did it and what determines like is it what determines if his speech is free or not like at what point is it the fact that he's making i don't know what i'm saying exactly well i mean the ridiculous thing is he's making jokes right so that's a weird it means your society's in a weird place when the jesters are being attacked because right this is specifically a place where he's making jokes he's making jokes man i mean he says on the sign it's like this is a comedy show it's a comedy weekend i mean even this guy knows that i mean dave chappelle is a comedian dave chappelle does not work at a auto body shop yeah he's a comedian everyone knows who he is people aren't paying to go watch him fix a car they're watching him do jokes and so when comedians are getting attacked you start going like oh society may be getting a little unhealthy because the kings you know they would keep a gesture around to keep them honest to tell them the truth with jokes that's what we do we sugarcoat the truth a little bit so it's like you know i just want to say like hey maybe the gesture's right right isn't that what we do we kind of put a little candy over the truth like you know yeah if you don't want to hear the gesture anymore then that's a little bit strange then there's something something strange something's off the society's not healthy and it's the black community keeps attacking their own kind yeah which is bizarre that is bizarre um all right what else we got any other good news story came in sometimes it's nice to podcast because i don't think a deal with the rest of my life isn't that crazy even though it's a great life it's like just have to make choices and do things i think the same reason why you listen to a podcast or watch a movie it's like sometimes it's like you just don't want to have to i don't know i sound ungrateful no but i know what you're saying is right now you're in the moment you're not thinking about yeah tough stuff yeah that's what i'm saying yeah just not having to think about tougher stuff you know my sister's trying to buy a house i'm gonna help her look at that it's like i'm gonna have to make choices about you know all cool stuff but it's like it just feels like less responsibility right now well that's why the audience probably connects with it so much because like you said you're doing the same thing they're doing we're both taking a break yeah you're taking a break the audience is taking a break and when it's over it's like oh now i gotta go help my sister buy a house gotta get back to [ __ ] yeah there's probably someone watching right now who also is helping their sister buy out yeah that's true what do we have here yeah here's an interesting one new york high court to determine if bronx zoo elephant is a person why not why not 2022 why not is it a person i mean what is going on has it paid taxes that's what i want to know i mean how would they even mix those two up how would they if it was a person how did they get how did it get to a point where an article needed to be written that they were going to investigate whether it was true how do you mistake those two things one's like 10 tons the other is like 300 pounds if it eats fast food it's a big difference jesus christ says that uh can she can the elephant be considered a person a question was before new york's highest court wednesday in a closely watched case of whether a basic human right can be extended to an animal oh so it's more that okay it's more the rights of the animal they said it's in a one-acre prison you know this goes back to like black have you seen that movie black um [Music] black uh fish it's about like black something happened to black fish even like whenever whales or whatever with the zoo and they put him in there in san diego and people got upset about it um but it's like do you think if you see a like the animal's safer in this space but is it getting its true existence i think that's the question and it's almost the same thing we've been talking about with humans it's like we're safer in this space for sure there's bumpers on everything there's insurance there's lawyer there's you're as safe as you could be you can buy braces through the mail a woman the other night had me sign her little metal leg and it had like a a little thing in it where it also sorts coins on the side of it right like we're living in a [ __ ] brook stone right but are we getting the are we getting the most the most natural experience that's almost what's happening here right right is are we not fulfilled is it the most fulfilling yeah it's exactly what's happening here yeah the non-human rights project wants to move from a one-acre prison at the zoo to a more spacious sanctuary because with all these things they're like just set them free yeah well this doesn't even sound like they're returning them to their natural habitat where they beat this just seems like they're getting uh they're just they're upgrading they're from a condo to a mansion to have more spacious you know they'd still have that same safety or whatever yeah i'd say maybe the more humane thing ironically would be to put them back into the being an elephant yeah is suited for nature where it can look around you know because elephants can intimidate lions you know yeah and that probably makes them feel good and now they don't have that that's taken away you know that must build an elephant self-esteem when lions come around and be like you know we're hungry we may take you down yeah an elephant goes dude i'm 10 tons you can try it but i may stomp one of you yeah it's gonna be bad for somebody yeah is something gonna come down and say hey you guys are doing it wrong right go back to uh but here's the weird thing if we went back wouldn't we try to get back here to be safer i don't know that's the thing and who what or who would keep you in line to yeah like if someone came up like if we had to survive against predators that were trying to kill us like back in the day like hyenas saber-toothed tigers and then there was a dude who figured out a way to like effectively keep them at bay who would be would there be a some sort of judge that came and be like dude dude you can't advance that much right we got to keep it like that but then even having that judge is kind of advanced so it's a it's a you can't get out of the quagmire it's a you can't escape it we're always going to try to find a smart way to outsmart these predators and that makes us more human and softer because we use our brain that's what we have gorilla's got strength right this is almost is this the best case scenario where we are dude if we're just left to deal with predators with jiu-jitsu i don't know how effective it would be because that's essentially what we're advocating for one more generation we'll have some freaking gangsters out there i think so probably yeah people are we're they're getting some talent man john jones could beat a lot of animals you think so yeah i think so for a second yeah for for a little bit man i think um there's room i mean there's old stories of dustin fourier beating you know 20 raccoons outside of a bar in uh in lafayette he tried to get jumped by raccoons bro it's a dangerous game down there i'm just saying look there's a there is there's a lot of i think mythology out there about humans fighting animals yeah the greeks used to have a lot of it did they yeah fighting animals yeah because we tr i mean they try like or is this the best is this where we are obviously this is where we are this is we would probably just do this again i know what you're saying you're basically saying we overdid it where we took the fun out of it we took like the game out of it which makes you like think and immerses you in the game of like survival because now we can just nuke predators that's too much uh it's not fair it's not fair man i always like the idea that people can do uh like if somebody wants to fight an animal with a knife or something i think that's fair you know i don't sometimes with the hunt and stuff i'm not an anti-hunter at all like but i would love to see more hand-to-hand combat with animals that would be great that would be great to see yeah it's a fair fight i feel like we'd lose a lot though it's my only problem hell yeah we would do this every week there's a video some guy lose into a goose at a damn local watering hole yeah there's some guy's kid getting his one of his ears nipped off by a damn uh gosling or whatever yeah i mean even if the gazan cuts weight it's still unfair it's still [ __ ] it's got that animal strength always got the advantage and that's why i think like we'll always invent a knife yeah in order to compete or else we go extinct like dude you know what the crazy [ __ ] is we were not the apex predator for most of our existence only the past couple thousand years did we figure some [ __ ] out but for like hundreds of thousands of years [ __ ] we got eaten wow we didn't figure it out until we teamed up with dogs they they they they ran they did a lot of the recon they did recon for us and like yo bad shit's coming we hid whatever we need and they fought off lions for us and [ __ ] and then we were able to they gave us some time to sit around and think about it figure [ __ ] out build a knife because you can't figure out how to build a knife when you're constantly being hunted yeah you can't think it's not a moment to think it's like having anxiety all the time you can't you know you can't do your best work when you're anxious so oh amen man amen dude i feel that yeah at a deep level dude um janice thanks so much for coming man thank you man cool bro i really really appreciate it nice to meet you on camera chat yeah nice it was a fun ride yeah yeah it's been a lot of fun and you can check out his special mom love it's on youtube right now and um he's got some amazing characters um that you gotta watch on youtube as well i know they're old and i mean you may feel past those in some ways or whatever i i but yeah man so crazy bro you gotta go watch uh watch some more giannis papas if you're not familiar with them and um yeah man thank you so much for coming on dude thank you i appreciate it yeah now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this piece of mind i found i can feel it but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself that online on me i'll sit and tell you my story [Music] [Music] and now i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my pants and these wells that i've been riding on they want something that they're damn they're just

Channel: Theo Von

Views: 384,699

Keywords: Theo Von, This Past Weekend, TPW, comedy, podcast, comedian, interview, talk show, stand-up, stand-up comedy

Id: nosAbWLkNwo

Length: 123min 31sec (7411 seconds)

Published: Tue May 24 2022