Would You Rather feat. Trixie Mattel! | Sarah Schauer

[Music] hi it's me trixie mattel i'm back on my channel hi guys my name is sarah shower welcome to my channel this is trixie mattel i love them they're really nice and they do drag and stuff and i'm young do you see that whoa you are young but by youtube standards you are 45. ancient yeah but here's the thing if i start making fun of myself for being old that's going to give everyone the green flag to call me old from now on it'll ruin my mental health that 100 is the truth because like i'm at the point where like 14 year old girls with really long luscious hair are like high bald high old fat bald high old all right so today we're going to be doing would you rather i've been obsessed with would you rather's on my instagram story so i made a list of about 25 and we're just gonna go through and see which one you would rather do love it thank you so much betterhelp for sponsoring today's video is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals 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you're starting off easy huh yeah one of those jobs is really similar to what i do now and one of them is involving children the clown yeah i kind of feel for both because sometimes when i'm at the meet and greet and the high schoolers crying in my arms i'm like i am a high school counselor you should go to college i'm counseling the high schoolers yeah i would say that being a true legit clown like white porsche face like red shoes no look how pretty that sunlight is smile like red nose i think it'd be really fun if you were a good premium birthday clown i think you would be really happy for me yeah and like what type of car do you drive now um i have a car oh so you have to get a small one yeah but i used to drive a smart car oh so yeah you're like halfway there and i used to pull up to the gate club in a smart car and get out and drag and it would be like did you get it like valet no i was like pulling up to the club you know smart cars are so little yeah i would like pull up there'd be a spot this big like all right we'll park into it and people and i would get out and drive if you'd be like but i just imagine your hair sticking through the roof or something pretty much it was like the like the flintstones the dog through the roof oh yeah yeah your feet are like running along the road i'm gonna go with clown what do you think high school guidance counselor why because i love kids well i love older kids i don't know i just like really like the idea of like advising them to do like stupid [ __ ] oh you want to push them off the cliff i thought you were going to try to like help them no i mean like i would be like no quit high school weapon of choice a handful of ants or a plastic knife who wrote this a handful of ants i mean ants are disgusting fire ants oh i think i think fire ants yeah like because there's this tweet where it's like you know if you were about to rob someone and they had like a roach and someone threw a roach at you you'd be like horrified so i imagine like a handful of ants like a plastic knife you could break it in half and have like two sharp ends but like a handful of answers like this person is insane have you ever been bitten by an ant yes they bite hard they hurt i'm gonna stay hands especially if they were like trained aunts you have a concealed carry for like ants totally i have a jar of ants i let them free i give them like a major league baseball like or like whatever the sandwich is you look i'm gonna go with ants right i mean plus a plastic knife yeah it wouldn't do much damage next one sleep with no pillows on your bed or only use plastic utensils for the rest of your life oh my god both are just mildly inconvenient yeah but this is pretty tame i'm gonna say i need a pillow on the bed yeah i get like very bad acid reflux so just laying flat would ruin my life plus when no one's around i'm going to say living alone i don't always use this yes if i'm making like a bowl of soup i'm i'm doing this i'm drinking it on the ground and lap it up like a dog yes i can kill bill when she's using the chopsticks and she gets frustrated and throws it and starts grabbing the bryce that's me that's me i love my nails i know me too they're so cute we haven't we just did a self-care video on my channel if you guys want to do self-care that doesn't really look great honestly okay first date would you rather eat out of a bowl like a dog or use your feet and eat with utensils between your toes you don't have a ball like a dog i mean i just admitted that i would already do that so i don't know like on a first date yeah i'd be like oh utensils not great for the environment you know but would you lift the bowl to your face or lower your face to the bowl oh like a dog means sort of like face to the yeah like you can't lift it to like put it in your mouth what's the other one eat with the feet yeah that's worse like it's cool so where were you born that is so much i'm gonna go with eat like a dog because you know what maybe they'd be like damn he tears that bowl up i'm gonna go with that what do you think people like a dog just cause like i could picture them eating [ __ ] see i think for the girls it's a little more like why don't you show me what that mouth do you guys i'm gonna treat your [ __ ] like a can of dog food [ __ ] because guess what a dog shower sharina is kind of a sickening drag name purina it kind of sounds like a medication for depression are you sad like purina deluxe would be her name i got a good one for you yes would you rather watch porn with your parents or be alone in a room watching a porn of your parents i would rather watch porn with my parents i agree 100 that's so messed up if you saw a sex tape of your own parents i couldn't imagine my parents having sex because they're so old and christian i imagine they don't really touch each other would you happen they had to go at some point yeah oh god which one would you choose i would watch the porn with my parents because i could i couldn't even deal with i mean you know what i would watch the porn of my parents because i'd like to find out who my dad is so if that's the way i found out was it had to be the sex tape i'd be like roll the tapes get the popcorn let's do it you can take a seat pause it take a selfie with your dad this is my father that's that's the 23andme i was looking for yeah that's the ultimate fraternity so that's how you know it's your dad moving along would you rather get heckled by 8th graders every day or punched once a week by your neighbor well i have some really buff neighbors there's my my kitty corner neighbor is a former adult film star and he still has the big gun show so i mean one punch although my nose is crooked from this way if he was a lefty and he was interested in breaking another direction that i could get into yeah and also i wouldn't want to see kids period so i'm going to say neighbor perfect yeah look at that look at the monitor do the deviated septum i have deviated everything you could get like a free nose job if you have a deviated septum when i look at the camera like this it faces forward and then when i look straight on look how far the left that is katy he's been like did a nose job and i'm like getting no job for a crooked nose feels like not serious enough no breathing through your nose like this [Music] isn't that crazy yeah do you know what though if i'm gonna get it i have a question for you yeah would you rather have michael jackson's speaking voice or his nose his voice honestly for a woman not so bad yeah like if i had his nose though like it's on it was on the brink of collapse would you rather have his nose or his voice god that would be tough the thing is you're a singer so you would benefit from having his voice that is a really good point so yeah that would like that would be amazing would you rather be attacked by two birds or one roach roaches can fly that's just gonna be sick i know i know have you had since you moved to l.a have you had a roach in the house no they're huge they're disgusting my bedroom has white carpet you saw one night i was in bed reading a book and i just saw probably the size of a jewel date this day and i thought it was a mouse just so big and i was like and i hit it it followed the kitchen and i killed the cowboy boot and it was so big that it sounded like bones breaking that's how big it was that makes me sick i'm gonna say two birds because i love words what do i go birds are like stronger but a roach flying at you was terrifying a hundred percent okay i said one time you know what june bugs are yes i had one fly in my mouth once oh my god your mouth no you guys are one of my tongues i would know i would you rather always have a fruit punch mustache or milk mustache it's past mass so you're like walking around without your face out both are humiliating milk is maybe a little hot is this gross there's something a little hot about someone chugging milk is that gross yes what's hot about it i don't know like a guy's underwear like walk into the version of the night and like pulling the carton out and drinking straight away is that hot if that's a little hot comment below the girls who follow you are gonna like [ __ ] higher i will kill you i will kill you um and i think that fruit punch mouth would read us some kind of sti i think he would just be so juvenile i'm gonna go with the milk i think the milk might make me look like i'm in like a dozen bodyguard campaign when i was a kid we had like a glass of milk every night yeah and now thinking i'm like i would never just come home and want no oh no never like and think about like school lunch just in high school it was always like a carton yes is that normal for like people to do people still do that do kids still drink carbs is it milk at school i'm serious we drink a carton of milk probably every day at school yeah and i wondered why i was like bloated all the time i really am thinking back like drinking milk every day is weird and i drink so much of it it's disgusting oh and like i remember like the popular boys like the athletes getting double milk or like two chocolate milks like would you rather have a long ass rat tail or always wear pants that you can see your underwear through um i'm gonna say rat tail maybe i could make it my thing you're completely fine i'm totally bald except one long piece i'm gonna say the rat tail i mean when i see people have weird haircuts like that it's often they like make it cool maybe i could make it cool yeah what would you want i would want the pan so you can always see my underwear through because that's a little hot right yeah i make it like thongs or something yeah but like the rat tail like i would assume that this would all be gone and it would just be a rat tail would you rather have your clothes be two sizes too small or have your foundation three shades too light oh i'm gay i want the foundation to match and i want that that clothing skin tight really painted on clothing oh my god me walking around and wait three shades too dark three shades too light oh too light because i figured it'd be hard because we both are so pale it would be like almost deathly white it would be voldemort i want a makeup company i can't be wrinkled horrible back to trixie cosmetics just ghost white i will say three shades lighter not as bad as three shades darker yeah the line on your neck would you rather ask everyone you mean to smell your fingers or flip off everyone you see i love the idea of flipping off everywhere you just imagine not like going to the coffee shop gilson's on this one like every aisle of the grocery store for you for you everyone you see means everyone you see like children oh cops yes i'm gonna go with flipping people off because i think that's funny mm-hmm but the thing is like that's my favorite every person you see the caveat is that like it's just like every person you meet so like you're like hi smell my fingers if you don't meet someone but you see them you don't have to make them smile oh i'm gonna go with flipping people off i think that's a fun quirk it's very powerful you have to meet her she flips everywhere else and you know what if that was my thing i'd have the most sickening middle nail you've ever seen there's only one though it was like a championship like an nfl ring bought it from the giants or something i pulled it off the corpse of peyton manning i'm also a big fan of you know what i wish people still did people used to do that all the time would you rather let someone name seth or tyler drive your car if you had a car yeah tyler's just a good tyler's a douche it's a douche right but seth is stoned out of his mind i'm gonna say seth though like seth is just gonna get behind the wheel of fall asleep why haven't you even pulled out of the parking lot no it's in the parking deck tyler's gonna like joyride in it yeah and like smoke in the car there's gonna be mud all over yeah he's gonna leave like a backwards cap in the backseat with like a hurley sweatshirt would you rather find a body or get hit with fresh dog [ __ ] like you're walking down the street and someone hits you with a like a handful of dog [ __ ] i'm going to say something that makes me kind of damaged i'd rather find the body i would i wouldn't find a difference how bad is the body is it in chunks or is it like a person who looks like they're asleep person who looks like they're asleep that's fine i think finding somebody's body you do have the responsibility to call someone so then it becomes kind of your your baby a little bit it's your project kind of like you call into work like hey i'm running late i just found a dead body i have to wait so please get here you have to yeah i'm more equipped for that than most people but would you get like ptsd no that's what i mean i could handle it you've been mentally preparing to find a dead person your entire life yeah i've seen a dead body i've seen a dead body so i think once you see one it's a little it's kind of like the same yeah like riding a roller coaster am i sick you'd rather find the dead body too right yeah fresh dog [ __ ] but the thing is i could throw up from there i know but i was thinking that most people get ptsd if they found a dead body you and i are equally disturbed so like it's fine yeah that's a dead body but that's living [ __ ] it's all warm thrown at you oh my god i don't know what i would do that's i would create a dead body somebody would die would you rather be straight or a raccoon honestly a record a raccoon i'm serious i don't envy the straight the way i think i spent a lot of years of my life going to bed every night praying i would be straight and as an adult it never crosses my mind yeah we get to be these like weird friends of society straddling the worlds of reality and you know non-reality nobody expects us to get married no one expects us to have kids yeah we just get to be creative and laugh and drink and i just feel like we get this lifelong party like a raccoon yeah i think it's like i was in so many relationships with men where i thought like there was something wrong with me because like i was not interested in having sex with them i kind of just wanted their attention and then when i started dating women i was like holy [ __ ] like people actually like each other right raccoons raccoons are fierce that's the end of my questions thank you so much trixie for doing this with me of course oh my gosh you guys want to know if you're wondering sarah smells really good all the time thank you all the time if you guys want to watch my videos we just did a self-care video you can check out my youtube trixie mattel and um thank you for having me thank you for being on my channel this is probably like the most professionally shot like video i have oh make sure you guys subscribe to sarah too she's burning up the content for you guys i think the same with burnout i was about to feel like she's a god she's doing her best support an independent lesbian content creator yes but thank you so much guys for watching uh please subscribe and i will see you in the next one [Music] goodbye [Music] you

Channel: Sarah Schauer

Views: 837,929

Rating: 4.9813433 out of 5

Keywords: sarah schauer, Sarah, schauer, Sarah schauer all vines, Sarah schauer vines, Sarah schauer i hate waitressing, vlog, storytime, story time, trixie mattel, brittany broski, brittany broski trixie mattel, trixie katya

Id: qM8CAdGEAUk

Length: 17min 35sec (1055 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 24 2021

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[u/kabukitrolldoll]

Sarah Schauer is so fucking funny I’m so glad she and Trixie collabed

That raccoon question took me OUT

[u/Segamaike]

They are equally compatible as Trixie and Brittany, but their energies are so different. If you had told me in 2017 that my favorite viner would be collabing on youtube with one half of Unhhhh, I would have called you crazy. So happy these three found each other

[u/Jujuxstitch]

With how much she talks about it in every video I see Trixie getting a nose job very soon. Also that roach story!!